Work Header

Yo Ho!

Work Text:

Gomez Addams stared out at the rain and sighed.  It was coming down at a frightening rate, puddling around the bases of some of his family’s tombstones.  Trees were whipped and knocked about by a gale-force wind and anything not tied down sailed by.  He was fairly sure that included the poodle from next door.

He could hear the house groan and protest as the wind and rain buffeted it.  The air had a musty smell and the promise of mold on it.  In short, this was the perfect Halloween night! 

The only thing that worried him was the children.  They seemed less interested in celebrating this year.  They were growing up so quickly and so anxious to embrace their maturity. It seemed like just yesterday that Wednesday was beheading her dolls and Pugsley was walling her up behind a brick wall in the basement.  Gone were those golden days.  Soon, they would leave and their belfry were no longer echo with their laughter.

Morticia Addams moved across the carpet, smoothly and fluid without a sense of effort.  Everything about her was calm and still, like a beautifully laid-out corpse.  Her skin was alabaster white and as unlined as a bloated corpse.

She handed her husband a cup of coffee, blistering hot with just a hint of wolf bane in it.  It was guaranteed to cause blisters.  He took it and set it aside.  Morticia’s heart skipping a beat more than usual.

“Gomez, are you all right, darling?  It’s not like you to refuse some of Grandmamma’s special brew.”

“Oh, Cara mia, I am more than all right.  I’m miserable.  I was just thinking what a beautiful day it has been and how glorious a night it is, but then I saw you and realized I was missing my moon.”

Morticia smiled and lowered her eyes demurely, “You flatter me, Gomez.”

“I speak the truth, Cara. Soon the children will be gone and it will just be us rattling around in this big empty house. 

“Darling, have you forgotten about Grandmamma.  Or Fester?  He’s still just a boy.”

“Not as much as he used to be.  I have a feeling that he and Dementia will soon be making a little announcement during the holidays.”

“Gomez, you don’t mean--?”

“Yes, Cara.  Ask not for whom the bell tolls.”  He took her slender ice cold hand in his.  “Soon you will only have me for.  Does that frighten you?”

“You always frighten me, Gomez.”

Cara!”  He pulled her into his arms with a crushing embrace. He devoured her neck with kisses. So intent was he upon his pursuit that he didn’t see his two children approach.

Morticia closed her eyes in resignation.  “Gomez, Mon Cher, the children.”

“Tish!  That’s French!  More! More!  Bonjour! Salut! Cul-de-Sac!

“Darling, children now, Encore later.”

Gomez took a deep breath and released her.  Reaching into a suit pocket, he pulled out a lit cigarillo and puffed away on it.  Nerves steady and his libido once again in check, he smiled down at his offspring.  “Yes, children, what can we do for you?”

“Father, are we descendants of scallywags and bilge rats?”  Wednesday’s voice was flat.  She might well be asking the temperature or time.  Her training was coming along just fine.

“Why?  What have you heard?”  Gomez was suspicious.

Pugsley thrust a fading and dog-eared photo towards him.  “I found this hidden in one of Uncle Fester’s drawers.”

“That sly devil.  I wondered where it had gotten to.”  He lifted Wednesday to his knee and pulled Pugsley close, all the better to keep them from attacking him.  “This, children, is a wedding picture of your Great Great Uncle Thaddeus Addams and your Great Great Grandmother Johai Martiya.”

“They look like pirates.”   Pugsley was confused.

“Not just pirates, my boy.  They were the Scourge of the Seven Seas.  There wasn’t a port or a purse safe from those two.  It’s how we Addams amassed the start of our fortune.  Well one of the ways, at any rate.”

“I’ve been studying about piracy in the Caribbean and I don’t recall seeing his name.”  Pugsley wasn’t convinced. 

“You wouldn’t, would you?  I mean, The Great Pirate Thaddeus, not very threatening.”  Gomez smiled at his wife.  “Those were the days.  Rum, the breaking of waves over the bow.”

“The Kraken…”  Morticia’s eyes half closed.  “Our honeymoon…”

Wednesday recognized the signs and jumped in.  “So what did they call him?”

“Captain Jack… bird something.  I can’t really remember.  She was Big Sal… bird something. He was captain of a mighty pirate ship that sailed the seas and made its berth at La Isla de Muerta.”

“No!”  Morticia’s breath was stolen from her as she studied the photograph.  “It’s not possible!  Not him!”

“Yes, Cara, yet another skeleton in our closet.”  Gomez’s smile was close to a leer.

“Will we have enough room?” She wondered aside.

“There is always room for family.”  Gomez stood and slapped his hands together.  “How about a little game of Wake the Dead and you can ask him in person?  The weather is perfect for it.  One of us might even get hit by lightning!”

Pugsley and Wednesday both started to laugh and raced away for shovels.

“Gomez.”  Morticia smiled and caressed his face.  “You are as bad as the children.”

“”Nonsense, Tish.  If you can’t have fun on Halloween, then when?  Plus, as I remember, Big Sal makes a devil of a Cane Toad Stew.”

It really was the most wonderful time of the year.