Khun thought he knew about warmth—not all, but enough.
That it was a long lost memory of soft fingertips in his hair and murmured words of sweet nothings. That it was heat under the sun, in front of the crackling fire, and beside the candlelight. That it was the feeling of your chest expanding to make room for the comfort of affection. That it was a luxury barely anyone could afford, that it was a treasure he would rarely if ever be able to feel yet again. Not in this time where the only heat he could feel was the burning in his stomach and the scorching fire under his skin, making home in his veins like viper’s venom.
But apparently Bam's embrace was something else entirely. Something peculiar, something special. It caught him so out of guard that the tall bottle of yet another vomit-inducing drink he had been holding in quivering fingers fell to the carpeted floor, making a muted thudding sound and rolling away farther from his reach.
There was an arm, sturdy and sure, circling his waist like a lifeline. It pulled him closer to a trembling chest. The presence of it was both a shock and disbelief because of how fitting it felt, how unreal it was being close to another beating heart, and how their limbs slot together into place like puzzle pieces. Then there was a palm on the center of his spine. To make sure he didn't fall apart, to reassure him he was right where he should be. Then it moved slowly up, feather-like, before finally settling on the back of his neck instead. It pressed down softly, a gentle guide for Khun's head to rest on a shaking shoulder.
When he took a breath, Khun was filled with Bam, Bam, Bam, warmth .
Oh so warm, like nothing else he had ever known.
He exhaled a shuddering breath. His eyes were starting to sting.
“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” Khun whispered. “Why are you still here.”
Why are you closer?
The words were wrenched out of his throat mercilessly. The sound of them leaving his mouth was grating and painful even in his own ears. They were spoken to the fabric of Bam’s shirt that smelled ridiculously of sunshine and grass field, so strong and engulfing that Khun’s head was spinning because of it, but he was sure their proximity would ensure that Bam’s caught the words.
The arm around his waist tightened its hold in response, the action punched the breath out of Khun’s lungs. Then Bam’s face was buried in his hair and everything was so dizzying he felt like succumbing to the darkness edging in his consciousness lest the pain took hold of his soul again. He needed more drink—
“Let me tell you about someone,” came the startling reply.
“Then I will leave if you still want me to.”
Khun’s temple throbbed. He groaned.
Bam apparently took that as an affirmation because the words flew out of his mouth, leaving Khun in some kind of a trance.
“I met this someone at the most desperate point of my life,” he started. “I was so young, lost, and confused as to how the world worked. I had just been cast aside by the only person I had at that time, too. My only anchor, my own personal star. I was left behind to be all alone. I had nothing and was broken.”
Khun could feel the puff of air Bam let out on the crown of his head.
“That was how that someone found me. They asked for my hand so they could pull me up. They held onto it and offered me a smile, then a name, then they gave me a reason to not give up. They lent me their strength so I could move on and find a better purpose in life. They became my new purpose in life.”
“They are the smartest person I know, and yet they could be so silly, too, for not acknowledging their worth and well being. They are so fiercely loyal, protective, and honorable. Kind, caring, sensitive. The kind of person you’d follow to the ends of earth, the kind of person you’d give up the whole world for.
And I would, you know, give up the whole world for them.”
Khun shuddered. The words heavy with meaning in his ears, in his jumbled mind.
“They have the brightest eyes. Whenever I look into them, it feels like a whole universe unfolds, a sky of clear crystals and infinite beauty. They are made of dreams and carved out of diamond. They are surreal like that.
“Do you know who that someone is?”
Khun couldn’t breathe. “An idiot?”
There was a small chuckle. “I just told you they are the smartest person I know.”
“Then maybe you are the idiot.”
“Maybe,” Bam said, thoroughly enamored. But, Khun was drunk. “I will tell you who that someone is: they are my everything.”
There was silence. Bam just held him there and Khun let him, not telling him to go. The words refused to be registered in his head.
“I’m drunk, aren’t I,” he croaked at last.
“Yes, you are.”
“Then that means this isn’t real. My desperation is making this up. You don’t make sense. You never do.”
Bam hummed, soothing, and encompassing. “Don’t worry. Unless you ask me to leave one last time, I don’t plan on going anywhere soon. And I will explain everything again clearer, preferably with my lips on your skin, for as many times as you need.”
Why couldn’t Bam ever make sense? “Everything?”
“Yes. About how you are perfect and about how I am way too in love with you.”
Khun’s eyelids were starting to get heavy, his brain screamed to be shut down. He didn’t remember Bam saying anything about love. But, he was drunk, wasn’t he?
“Alright, is that a promise?” he asked, tired. Comforted.
A smile. “Of course, someone .”