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Shepard wasn't surprised when the smoldering heat from a hard body pressed up against his back in the steam-filled shower. He didn't flinch when a stiffened cock brushed up against the cleft of his ass before working its way between his legs. He gave no pause when an unassuming breath ghosted over his slightly injured shoulder.

He did however notice that there was something odd about the hand that slithered leisurely up his abs. The hand that seemed to know that the sore muscles of his pecks were in dire need of attention. The hand that delicately rolled a nipple in between the pad of its finger and thumb before lightly tracing circles on his sternum with its rough callouses.

He was expecting the huge clumsy hands of one Lieutenant James Vega, and that...that was definitely not it.

After the way James was eyeing him all night, he was looking forward to it. He may have even craved it. James had, after all, been suggestively running his very talented and very sexy tongue up the neck of every bright green bottle of beer that he could get his hands on; eyes heavy on Shepard when he did so. Then, he'd follow up that nifty trick with a swipe of his lips over the rim before sucking it deep into his mouth.

How could that be misconstrued?

Whatever game he and James started playing when he was in lockup had stopped completely after Shepard regained control of the Normandy. He didn't know whether it was because James was intimidated by the fact that he was his CO or that Cortez had waltzed back into his life and swept him off his gigantic feet.

He was a gambling man and bet on the latter, so he didn't push it.

Honestly, he didn't really care either way. He just missed his company, his touch, and maybe his cock. Although, anybody's company could have easily been substituted. Alcohol always made him lonely and it seemed that most of his friends had started settling down.

Hell, even his ship had herself a boyfriend.

So what if he craved the companionship of a warm body next to his from time to time? It relieved his stress, and everyone knew he carried more than his fair share of that these days. For crying out loud, he was a Spectre not a saint! (Although he may very well be by the end of the war.)

Of course, most of his unrequited longing was for someone he thought would never have him. He gave up long ago on the idea of him and Kaidan together. The dream, the fantasy, the possibility, no the guarantee of falling in love with his best friend, had been far removed from his mind.

Maybe not the fantasy. It'd creep up every once in a while, but he did good to push it back into the darkness from whence it came—the darkness he'd send the Reapers back to—before it had a chance to fester within him or spiral out of control.

After Mars, after Horizon, after their face-off during the Coup, they had finally found a new normal. He had finally warmed up to the fact that maybe he could be content with only Kaidan's friendship. Anything else seemed like an impossibility that he wouldn't even let his mind mull over anymore.

He couldn't. The feelings, the pining, the thoughts that roamed through his mind on lonely nights as he laid awake wondering if his biotic was safe, alive, alone. He stowed them all away in an impenetrable vault, under the deepest ocean, in the middle of the hottest sun, never to be touched upon again.

Kaidan hadn't helped with his mission to conquer those hopeless thoughts lately. He'd run around the ship, all sexy and cute, in his BDU's. Making Shepard coffee, submitting his Spectre reports, trying to understand why he joined Cerberus. It was the same on ops, strong and handsome in his armor, watching Shepard's back, reaving mercs that got too close.

Everyone else would have thought he was just being Kaidan, which he was, but not to Shepard. Never to Shepard.

It also didn't help that Kaidan made the mistake of telling Shepard only about the women he had dated. When it came to the men he had been with, was attracted to, well that conversation just never panned out. What else was Shepard supposed to think other than Kaidan was straight, uninterested, unobtainable?

So it was a total shock to him, to say the least, that the hand that he watched travel up his chest was covered in the light mocha skin of Major Kaidan Alenko.

He's drunk. Had to be. "Maj—"

He tried to tell him as much, to shake him from his alcohol-induced haze before he made a huge mistake, before he did something he'd regret in the morning, but Kaidan moved his hand to his mouth and muffled any words he tried to say.

"Shhhh..." Kaidan's response was low and drawn out, the husky voice practically pushing Shepard over the proverbial edge.

Then, that hand pulled harder against Shepard's jaw in anticipation of the scream that Kaidan knew would be coming when his teeth tore into the flesh of his Commander's shoulder. Anyone who had heard it full strength would have came running instinctively.

As much as Shepard would've liked to deny the fact that it turned him on faster than he'd ever been before, he did appreciate someone else taking control for a change. His whole body went flush with arousal. The half-erection stirring between his legs sprung up to full mast before he had a chance to refill his lungs.

Maybe it was because it was Kaidan. Maybe it was because he was a soldier and the only thing that had ever made him feel alive was pain. Regardless, any thought of resisting was washed down the drain with the sweat of the day, the water from the shower head, and the blood that Kaidan coaxed out of his body.

The nip was followed by a kiss as Kaidan slowly moved north along his neck, rejoicing in the taste of eezo that would forever bathe their skin, the everlasting mark of a career soldier. Shepard's head fell to the side and Kaidan moaned his thanks, lips tickling nerves undiscovered and sending jets of fire deep into his core.

The fingers around his waist lightly danced over a small scar on his hipbone, one of a handful that he still had from his "old" body, one that hadn't been plastered over with skin graphs or paved over with new scar tissue.

The wound was courtesy of a Geth bullet he caught on Noveria years ago. Kaidan was over him and dressing it before he knew he'd been clipped, adrenaline and lust running rampant through his veins as his Lieutenant straddled his thigh, armor clanking against armor, pupils blown out from the thrill of the firefight among other things.

He always thought the trophy was just as much Kaidan's as it was his, locking both of them in time together in that memory, the brand of their bond, the depths of their connection to each other. That's what it represented to him every time he ran his fingers over it. Now, Kaidan was doing the same.

There was no doubt by the way he was nursing it that he hadn't forgotten either. It wasn't an accidental graze; it was deliberate and meaningful, and it just about reduced the First Human Spectre, the Savior of the Citadel, the Savior of the Galaxy, to a melted heap on the floor.

"We shouldn't...," Shepard managed to say. He hadn't noticed until that moment that his pulse had skyrocketed, his breath was almost nonexistent, and every inch of his body ached for the man standing behind him.

"We're not on the Normandy, not on an op. That means I outrank you....And you'll do as I say," Kaidan commanded as he ground his hips forward.

Hell if Shepard was going to argue with that. Where was this Kaidan three years ago? Not that he didn't like that version too, but this guy was forceful and confident, and he wanted to give him everything he could ever want and things he hadn't realized that he did.

But not like this.

Not as a drunken one-night stand that Kaidan probably wouldn't remember, that might be fuzzy to himself in the morning. Even if this was his only shot, even if Kaidan would jump ship tomorrow out of embarrassment, he knew they had to stop.

"You're not sober enough for this. Or maybe I'm not nearly drunk enough," Shepard reasoned.

"You want me to stop? 'Cause I haven't even started to glow blue yet. Trust me John, I'm sober enough to know what I want."

"You called me John..." His brain couldn't decide if his tone should be that of annoyance or arousal. It landed somewhere in between confusion and awkwardness.

"Sorry, you don't want me to? It's just that every time I imaged this it's....it's been with John...not the Commander Shepard that everyone else gets to know."

"No, I, I like it! Every time, huh?"

"EVERY time!" Kaidan replied as he nuzzled his nose into Shepard's neck.

Every time? Shepard's brain repeated. That meant that Kaidan had thought about them together before, many times, and he wanted something other than the quick lay that everyone else seemed to want simply because he was the Commander Shepard. Kaidan wanted John, the man not the legend or the hero. Just John.

Or, it could've meant that he was so drunk that he was starting to spew inconsequential gibberish.

Shepard's mind quickly jumped back to the sloshed Kaidan he'd seen earlier that night. Maybe, just maybe he'd sobered up some? After all, those biotics had really high metabolisms, Kaidan among the highest; he was always envious of that. There was only one way to find out.

He spun around to look into his honey brown eyes. Kaidan always winked when he was drunk. It was one of his tells. Unfortunately, or not, Shepard didn't get a lot of time to observe them before Kaidan had him pushed back into the wall. The cold stone made him grunt, but Kaidan just chuckled onto his lips.

"Hmmm, I'm the one in charge here, Commander. You don't get a say," he smirked as he took Shepard's wrists and pinned them to the wall above their heads. He kissed him hard, tongue laying claim to his mouth after passing through parted lips uncontested.

His hands slowly coasted up Shepard's arms until one was on either side of his neck, thumbs skating over a strong, sculpted jaw. He nibbled Shepard's bottom lip playfully before quickly increasing the pressure. Again, Shepard hollered out at the bite, not out of pain or shock but of pleasure.

This time it was unrestrained, loud and fierce and raw. A sound Kaidan would never forget. It was burned onto his neurons, chiseled into his soul, forever echoing off the walls of his heart. If Shepard killed him right there, it would've been worth it.

Instead, John furrowed his brow and pushed him away. Kaidan laughed softly in response, eyes overflowing with primeval want and a tiny hint of fear. Shepard stood completely motionless as he studied him for a moment. Sweet caramel eyes were steady and strong; not even so much as a twitch of his eyelids.

Kaidan was waiting for him to give him a sign, either to piss off or to take him. He wanted Shepard from the beginning, he did, but only if the feeling was reciprocated. He hoped that it was. If he made a mistake this time, he wouldn't be going back on the Normandy.

They were way passed that now. Although, it was curious that Shepard hadn't kicked his ass for bitting his shoulder, so maybe he'd already given his answer. Kaidan had no doubts that Shepard would and could tear someone from limb to limb if they crossed the line unwanted. But Shepard hadn't done so yet, and that in and of itself was a promising sign.

So they both waited, soaking wet and harder than steel. Shepard to see if Kaidan would wink, Kaidan to see if Shepard yearned for him the way that he did.

After a minute, he was satisfied that the Major wasn't completely bombed out of his mind and was about to say "Come here!" when a knock on the door broke the silence.

"Shepard! Are you okay?" asked Garrus. "Need us to save your ass again, Shepard?" Jack mouthed sarcastically. "Hey Loco, open the door," James requested.

"Just a little run-in with a hard object. It's fine, but thanks for the concern," he replied.

He could feel Kaidan's eyes wandering over him, hot and demanding, but he kept the focus on his. The rest of the biotic looked hazy in his periphery, hot water made soft brown skin glisten in the low lights, droplets rolled down a firm, muscular body, a body Shepard had seen many times before but might actually get a chance to taste if his friends would fuck off.

"Need some medi-gel? I can help you out," James offered.

"Thanks Vega, but it's already taken care of. Everything's under control," he said as two of the three sets of footfalls began to recede.

"Sure you, uh, don't need me to help you out in there Shepard?"

James' voice was more than friendly and Kaidan's heart sank a little. He saw the way James had been staring at Shepard all night. He hoped that it was nothing, that he read into it out of jealousy, but he knew from scuttlebutt that something had happened between the two of them somewhere along the line. Maybe it wasn't over.

He thought that he waited too long, that he missed his chance, that he should be anywhere else but there in between them. It was too late for them, he fucked everything up. His eyes fell off to the side and he started to back away slowly. He didn't need Shepard to explain, and didn't want to hear it if he tried.

"I'm sure. Already got all the help I need," Shepard replied, twinkling blue eyes still trained on Kaidan.

"Yeah okay, Commander," James said, disappointment hanging heavy from his tone. "You seen Alenko? No one can find him."

One side of Shepard's mouth quivered up into a crooked, sly smile. It was dripping was lust and desire and everything that Kaidan would ever want. Best of all, it was directed at him and not James, and he thought that perhaps he wasn't too late after all.

He thought John was going to lie, he probably would have if the roles were reversed. He was expecting Shepard to say that he left or that he didn't know. They were naked in his shower, he understood that Shepard couldn't tell the truth. But what sent Kaidan's heart aflutter was the he did.

"I have eyes on him," was his reply.

It was a simple answer from a simple guy. It wasn't meant it to make James jealous. It was meant as a declaration to the universe that he was with Kaidan. Then, it was the Second Human Spectre's turn to melt into a heap on the floor.

"Oh...oohh. Sorry," James mumbled. "I'll, uh, I'll just go," he continued as he walked away.

"You're cute when you're jealous, Major," Shepard softly said, "But you don't need to be."

The usually steady-on-his-feet Major nearly lost his footing as he raced across the wet floor to reclaim Shepard's mouth, but the Commander was there to catch him, to pull him in closer. Hard abs colliding into hard abs, hot mouths devouring every last silken morsel like it was the last meal before their execution.

With their jobs, it may very well have been.

Kaidan grabbed Shepard's head pulling it back as the water ran down them. His teeth grated along Shepard's skin, full lips and slick tongue skirting over his collarbone on the way to the hollow of his neck where he lingered for what Shepard thought might have been hours. Even still, it wasn't long enough. Teasing and tasting and taking his time.

Slowly, he moved up to Shepard's pulse point before sinking his teeth back into the flesh above his jugular. There was no crying out this time only moans and hips bucking into his. And then Shepard's hand yanking back his wet curls so that he could kiss him.

Shepard smelled the beer and liquor on Kaidan's lips, strong and aromatic, tasted the blood on his tongue, metallic and bitter, saw the hunger in his eyes, fierce and urgent. He pulled his head back further by his smooth, black hair and bit his lip in retaliation.

"I fucking love you," Kaidan quietly whimpered.

He didn't care if it was too soon or that it came out too weak; muted and hoarse. He didn't care if Shepard didn't feel the same way because the truth had been burning inside him for so long, and he knew that if he didn't get it out right then and there, he would have surely died as the silent heartache finally consumed him.

Then....only the sound of falling water.

Shepard was speechless, truly speechless, for the first time in his whole life. He tried to tell him that he loved him too, but when he opened his mouth, the only thing that squeaked out was the breath that had momentarily lodged in his throat.

He was on the verge of panic. The last thing he wanted was for Kaidan to think that he didn't feel the same, for him to turn tail and run out of shame. So, he did the only thing he could think of with his oxytocin-riddled brain that might get his point across.

He sunk down to his knees.

Without hesitation, he took Kaidan's hard cock into his mouth. One hand cupped its base as the other gripped a muscular thigh for stability. He slowly willed his lips further down Kaidan's length, only stopping when they hit his own fingers. As slowly as he engaged, he withdrew giving a hard suck on the head as his eyes drifted up to Kaidan's.

Both of the Major's palms were pressed flat on the wall. The corner of his lower lip was sucked in between is teeth. Half-lidded whiskey eyes begged for more as they bore into crystal blues. He tried to keep eye contact, but when Shepard took him back into his mouth and pushed forward all the way down to the hilt, his head fell back unwittingly.

Shepard left him moaning and gasping for air like he was drowning. Drowning in love and acceptance even after the man he'd secretly loved for so long had seen every last one of his faults. Faults that Shepard truly understood and would gladly and wholeheartedly spend the rest of his life with.

After Horizon and Mars, death and Cerberus, Rahna and Ash, after everything and because of everything, in that moment and in every moment that had or would ever exist, to the man kneeling before him: he was redeemed.

Suddenly, Shepard destroyed every last remnant of his mental faculties when he drew the tip of his tongue along the slit of Kaidan's cock. He tasted the slightest hint of bittersweet come that had escaped the clutches of water as it rained on them from above.

Another quick breath and he descended back down Kaidan's slippery shaft, swallowing him as far as he possibly could, letting fingers take care of that which he couldn't. He wanted all of him, had to have ever last inch of him, and needed to show Kaidan the fact as best he could.

He built up to an easy rhythm. Blunt nails dug into Kaidan's thighs, a tongue added random pressure as it curved around the underside of his thickness, satin lips glided over a mixture of water and saliva and precum with an undefinable grace that Kaidan knew no one had ever seen before.

That same calloused hand drifted down to Shepard's buzzcut head. Its fingers traced the edge of his hairline and curved around the base of his skull. There was no pressure to speed up; it wasn't there to add force or to aid in his motion. It was simply another lifeline that connected them together.

Kaidan couldn't handle much more. It took every last bit of restraint he could muster to keep the walls that held up his composure from collapsing. The pleasurable caress of Shepard's warm mouth was about to break him, but he wasn't ready to give in yet.

"On your feet soldier!" came the order that Shepard would never think to disobey.

He did as he was told, knees thanking him as he did so. His hands slid up Kaidan's thighs to his hips. They snuck around to the small of his back and pulled him forward. Their combined weight falling into the wall with a smack of flesh on oversaturated rock.

Kaidan's lips found their way back to his. From there, both attempted to steal the breath from the other, greedy and possessive, a passionate drawn out kiss that could never be matched. Hard cocks ached between them as the friction of their rolling hips threatened to due them both in.

Shepard broke away first, his lungs begging to once again be coated in oxygen. He pressed his forehead into Kaidan's, eyes closed, breath lost, hands floating over the heaving muscles of the only person he'd ever love.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," Shepard panted, out of breath.

To Kaidan, it was better than any "I love you" would've been. He was happy with that, even if Shepard never said the other three words to him for the rest of their life. It was unique and all theirs and was said with more intensity than anything he could've dreamed of. So much want that his knees nearly buckled.

"I love you too, Kaidan! So fucking much!" he continued, just to make sure he got his message across.

A knowing smile painted Kaidan's lips. "I'm gonna fuck you," he said, voice assured and unwavering, breathy and sensual.

Without further prompting, Shepard spun back around. He was always the one doing the fucking, always had been, thought he always would be. But there was something about Kaidan, something he couldn't put his finger on, that made him want that man inside him, filling him, owning something of his that no one had or would ever have.

He felt Kaidan's nails scraping down his back, hands stopping to linger around his waist, a now-gentle mouth exploring the top of his shoulders before moving further down his back. He straightened up and pressed his body into Shepard's. Strong, war-torn hands slipped downward towards the firm mounds of John's glutes to spread them open and lightly tease his sensitive entrance.

"Please....please, Kaidan. I need you..."

He felt Kaidan smile onto his back as a thick finger made its way inside of him. He turned his head sideways and Kaidan's lips made their way along his jawline, welcomed stubble scrapping over their skin. Kaidan's free hand snaked its way up to Shepard's throat, fingers burrowing into his vocal cords.

"Shit...Kaidan..." Shepard's moans and words vibrated Kaidan's fingers and sent a warmth spreading within him. A feral heat radiated into the deepest corners of his soul that was only quenchable by the man standing in front of him.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" Kaidan asked with a voice that shot straight to Shepard's cock.

"Yes!"

"Yes what?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Yes, sir what?"

"Yes, sir, Major Alenko...Goddammit, I'm still a fucking Spectre and you'll do as I say!!"

"Well Spectre Shepard, I suppose you'll have to address me as Spectre Alenko then," snickered Kaidan. "Since there are two of us, the one in charge is the one who has the upper hand. And since mine is in your ass, I think that's me."

Shepard's breath hitched in his throat as Kaidan added another finger to work him open. He bowed his back away from him, head falling onto Kaidan's shoulder where he received a kiss on his cheekbone that he felt linger long after the Major removed his lips.

"I swear to what ever god, goddess, or spirit you want me to that I will put a bullet in your ass if you don't fuck me RIGHT NOW, Spectre Alenko!" Shepard howled.

"All you had to do was ask," replied Kaidan with a cheeky grin.

"You're the one that asked, and what took you so damn long?"

"I'd be lying if I said it was intentional just to get you all riled up, because I have to admit..." Kaidan leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "...you're incredible when you're angry."

Kaidan dropped one hand to the base of his cock while the other held Shepard in place at his hip. He watched as his length disappeared into the enveloping embrace of Shepard's body, slow and steady as to keep from losing control. Muscles undulated inside and out as he reversed course before crashing forward over and over again.

"Oh god, Shepard! You're so tight," Kaidan huffed. His breath, hot on Shepard's ear, summoning a moan from the Commander's lips.

Shepard pressed himself away from the wall, and back into Kaidan, to keep from being crushed in between it and the Major as every thrust became stronger and deeper than the last. His whole body quaked under the unbridled power Kaidan harnessed and unleashed against him, and fuck if it wasn't the most glorious feeling he'd ever had.

Kaidan's forehead fell to rest between his shoulder blades as he curled himself upward and forward to reach further into him than anyone had ever been before, unaware that he was actually the first. One hand intertwined with Shepard's on his cock, stroking and pumping in time with the movement of their hips.

"Please, Kaidan...," he pleaded. "...I have to..."

"I'll tell you when you can come, Commander," Kaidan replied with a sultry growl as he removed both of their hands from Shepard's throbbing shaft.

"Kaidan!"

"That's not how you address a commanding officer, now is it?" he teased, voice low and flirty.

"Fuck Major...I need you! I've been wai—waiting too long!"

"I've been waiting just as long as you have...no, technically two years longer, and I feel like taking my time."

A rolling stream of expletives tumbled out of Shepard's mouth as he wrestled Kaidan for control of the hand that the Major was dead set on keeping right where it was on the wall. Truth be told, he didn't want to win, he wanted the moment to last forever.

Kaidan could only chuckle on Shepard's neck at the desperation in his voice. He was pretty sure that's exactly how he sounded as well. Hoped he did anyway, because then maybe John would know how desperate he was for him.

As much as they wanted the moment, the sensations, the emotions, to stretch into eternity, a pressure was building within him, within both of them that needed to be released.

"I'm gonna make you come so hard. Best you ever had!" Kaidan managed to mumble, his words starting to fail him.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, John. I p—promise!" He never wanted to stop saying his name. The way it felt on his tongue and to his own ears was heavenly. The fact that no one ever called him "John" made his stomach flip every time he did.

Shepard leaned a knee and his forehead onto the wall to brace them as one hand curled around to squeeze Kaidan's ass, trying in vain to pull him closer. Kaidan still refused to let go of the other, fingers tangled together but now splayed on Shepard's hip.

The Major's free hand was strewn across John's chest, hooking back over his shoulder for leverage, comfort, and to keep himself from floating away. Now that everything was out in the open, he felt ten times lighter. It was like he was in zero gravity and Shepard was the teether that was keeping him from flying off into space.

Kaidan increased his thrusts, powerful surges pounding into Shepard. He was starting to come unglued, bursts of biotic blue rolled over them uncontrollably. His hand flew from the Commander's hip to his cock as it slid with purpose along his shaft.

"Now you can come for me," he said as he felt the dam that held back four years of silent suffering start to crack and crumble around them.

Pops and sizzles and sparks of elation blasted waves of pure ecstasy across rippling muscles until they smashed deep into every ounce of soft flesh and hardened bone with more reckless abandon than any explosive could ever hope to do.

Kaidan spilled out deep within him, knees starting to give, body convulsing from the shock and awe and sheer pleasure he derived by simply being in this man's presence. A grunt and a groan later and Shepard came, body euphorically ravaged by the most powerful L2 in existence, basking happily in orgasmic bliss.

Neither dared to move as they caught their breath. Every twitch sent a shockwave pulsating through one and into the other. Kaidan stayed buried within him, arms clenching him tightly. Shepard was afraid that if he moved he'd wake up from a dream come true, and he wasn't willing to chance that yet.

Their lungs were both spent. Shepard tried several times to speak but nothing came out. When he finally managed to string together a sentence, it wasn't pretty, "Holy fucking hell, Jesus fucking Spirits, shit God fuck the...the fucking Goddess!"

"Think you covered 'em all, Shepard," Kaidan quipped. Shepard turned around at that. He grabbed Kaidan by the neck and hip and pulled him close placing another deep kiss on his swollen lips until it was Kaidan who was forced to retreat for air.

"Fuck you, Alenko! You cannot image the things I'm gonna do to you when we get back to the Normandy!!" His voice was strong and seductive and sent shivers down Kaidan's spine with anticipation.

"I'd like to try, Commander."

"What happened to John?" he smirked.

Kaidan shot him a sweet smile and leaned in to give his lips another quick kiss. "I love you, John Shepard!"

"You know, you could've just asked my out," Shepard teased.

"That didn't seem fitting enough for the first Human Spectres," Kaidan explained as he made a mental note to do just that.

"I love you, Kaidan Alenko!" Shepard grinned warmly, hands cupping soft brown cheeks. "Always making good on your promises! Come on, let's go to bed," he said as he led Kaidan out of the shower and into the bedroom, both naked and soaked through.

"Got some sweats I could borrow? Don't wanna put on dirty clothes."

"I didn't say you could get dressed, Major," Shepard said dryly.

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" asked Kaidan, a sheepish smile on his lips.

"You will be soon enough, but for the time being...you still out rank me!"