It’s at the end, that we look to the beginning. And the same could be said for Clarke. She had spent many happy years on earth with her friends, created countless memories. Clarke had done her best to make her peace with all the choices she had been forced to make throughout her life; both good and bad and the repercussions that came with them.
Clarke had lost much of her youth to years gone by; blonde threaded through with white, her eyes and mouth hugged by laugh lines that were shared with her friends.
It wasn’t an easy life, nor could Clarke claim that it was a good life, but she had made the most of what she had and that was all she could do. She had seen the human race at its best and more frequently at its worst. She had lost friends, family and loved ones until she was had no one left. Left alone, she was no longer surrounded by their warm smiles and carefree laughs. Now all that remained of them were the head stones she had placed in the earth where she had laid them to rest, where she would not join them. There was no one left to bury her body and in a way she thought this was for the best.
At the end of the world, and the last of the human race, all that Clarke had left were her memories and the ghosts of her friends. And now her journey was very nearly at its end.
“The last of humanity to die.” Clarke murmured to herself as she lay down under the vast night sky, allowing the stars above to sooth her. “I guess I really am Commander of Death.”
Clarke’s breathing grew shallow and her heart beat slowed, her eyes growing heavy. A wash of calm swept over her as she resigned herself to her fate.
In her last few moments, Clarke let her mind wonder to all the people who had gone on ahead of her; her dad, her mum, Wells, Finn, Lexa, Monty, Harper, Jasper, Raven, Murphy, Emori, Echo, Octavia, Jordan, Hope, Marcus, Madi-
Clarke’s heart clenched at the thought of her daughter. Having transcended with the rest of humanity, Madi would never die and while that gave Clarke some comfort, it still hurt to think she would never see her again. The sting of heartbroken tears began to well up in her eyes, but Clarke fought back, unwilling to allow her last moments to be spent feeling sorry for herself once again. It had been a long time since she had been allowed to do so, Raven and Octavia had made sure of that.
“It’s okay Clarke.” The wind whispered to her, sounding very much like Madi, “I’ll be okay. I love you.”
Smiling wistfully a single tear escaped and rolled treacherously down her wrinkled cheek, “I love you too my little natblida.”
The wind gave her no reply, although she did not really expect one.
“I’m scared.” She admitted at last, continuing to speak into the wind. Now that she had started, she couldn’t stop. Blinking up into the inky blackness of the night as the trees swayed around her Clarke continued, “I don’t know what comes next. If there even is a next.”
The rustling of the wind through the branches picked up, wiping through the hair around her face.
“I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve to be scared, after everything I’ve done.” Another tear escaped her tired eyes, tracing the path of the last.
“I wish I could do it all again. Make different choices. Different mistakes.” Taking a breath Clarke choked on the words as she forced them from her lips, “I wish I-“ Another gulping breath. Her heart beat skipped once, twice. “I wish I wasn’t the kind of person who could kill someone I love to save someone else I love. I wish I hadn’t… I wish I hadn’t killed Bellamy that day.”
It was all pouring out of her now, all her regret, as fast and as uncontrollable as the tears that were now streaming down her face.
“Please I-“ Clarke’s breathing grew ragged as her organs began shutting down, dying while she cried, “I wish I could tell him- tell him how sorry I am. I wish I could see him again, just one more time, so I can tell him- so I can show him-“
The wind grew restless still, bending the trees and sending waves through the lake as though to mirror her own turbulent emotions.
It was in this torrent of chaos, that Clarke felt it. A quiet numbness overtaking her limbs as though someone had given her an anaesthetic. Clarke had only moments left.
The next words she spoke; her last, she spoke with in a quite whisper, her breath no longer able to sustain anything louder. “I wish I could go back to the beginning.”
And just as she quietened, so did the turbulent wind. The world stilled as the Commander of Death took her last breath.
“Clarke.” A warm familiar voice murmured. “We’ve been waiting for you Princess.”