Chapter 1: Yggdrasil
Chapter Text
"Loki!"
Thor fumed, looking at the empty husk of what had once been his dresser. Not a single drawer remained, and even if he didn't know where they went, he knew exactly who took them. Fenris, their solid black elkhound, trotted in to investigate Thor's shouting and started barking at the now-unfamiliar piece of furniture. He turned his piercing green eyes to Thor, barked at him accusingly, and trotted back out.
"What's he done this time?" Mor asked calmly. They'd long passed the phase where Thor or Hela angrily shouting their little brother's name caused any legitimate concern in Odin and Frigga.
"He took all the drawers out of my dresser and hid them somewhere," Thor explained.
"Why don't you ask him to tell you where they went?"
"He won't. He'll make me look for them like it's a stupid game."
"Ask him to help you look."
"Why can't you just make him give them back?"
"Oh, looks like he's back," Odin said. Thor blinked several times and stared in confusion at his father who had seemingly appeared instantaneously.
"What—How'd you get there so fast?" he questioned.
"Thor, you just zoned out," Mor informed him. "You were just standing there blinking at us for thirty seconds."
"I was? That's weird. So are you going to punish Loki?"
"He's just having a little fun. He wants to spend time with you, you know," Mor said.
"I know, but he doesn't need to steal my stuff to do that. I'd much rather play outside like normal brothers."
"Well, go find your drawers, and then you can go play outside. But don't forget to pack, we leave for the cabin tomorrow."
"Fine," Thor huffed. He found Loki in the living room, nose buried in a book. Loki immediately looked up in excitement and slammed the book shut.
"Did you see what I did?" he asked eagerly.
"Yes. Now tell me where you hid my drawers so I can put them back where they belong and start packing."
"No. You have to find them."
"I figured you'd say that. Let's go, you're looking for them with me."
"Okay!" Loki chirped. Thor sighed and set off towards where he knew Loki's favorite hiding spots were. He began with under Loki's bed in the room that they shared, then under his own bed. Nothing, though the empty dresser sat there as if to taunt him. Next he tried the closet in the hallway and again came up empty.
"Am I getting warmer?" he asked desperately when three more places he checked revealed nothing.
"You've been ice cold the entire time," Loki told him.
"Well I had to have gotten closer at some point. Where was I closest?"
"Our room."
Thor trudged back to their room and looked at the one door he hadn't yet opened: Hela's. "You did not hide my things in Hela's room, did you?" he asked.
"I'm not telling."
"That's a yes," Thor sighed. He knocked quietly on his sister's door, hoping she wouldn't answer and he could sneak in without her knowing.
"Go away," she demanded.
"Are my dresser drawers in there?" Thor asked through the door. "Loki said he hid them in your room."
"No, I don't have your stupid drawers. Loki lied to you."
"Loki, just tell me where my drawers are or I'll take yours and throw them out the window," Thor growled.
"Fine," Loki relented. "They're in Mor and Far's bathtub."
"What? Why would you put them in there?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't look there."
Thor huffed and walked into his parents' bathroom to find his drawers sitting in the tub on top of each other. Fortunately, Loki had been careful enough not to dump any of them out. One by one, he carried them back to his room and slid them back onto the rails. It took him ten whole minutes, and Loki sat on his bed and watched, giggling to himself the entire time. Once the last drawer slid back into place, Thor turned to his brother and requested he never steal his stuff again.
"I promise," Loki said. Which is exactly what he said the last hundred times he took something of Thor's, but nothing ever changed. At this point, Thor thought it was his way of showing affection. He never stole anything from Hela because he didn't like her as much. On second thought, maybe it was because he knew she would burn him alive if he so much as touched anything in her room.
"Have you packed yet?" Thor asked.
"Yep." Loki pointed to his little green suitcase in the corner.
"Did you forget anything?"
"How would I know?"
"Good point."
Loki dashed back to the living room and returned with the book he'd been reading, stretching out on his bed like a cat while Thor decided what to pack first for their trip to the cabin. He adored their cabin. Though the cable was even less reliable than Loki's promises, it didn't matter in the least. Thor couldn't remember a single trip where he'd actually done anything inside the cabin besides sleep. All his excitement towards spending time at the cabin stemmed from everything to do outside. During the winter, they tore up the ski slopes and cross country trails, and during the summer they kayaked, fished, and swam all day long. If Mor never called him ashore to eat or go to bed, Thor thought he could probably stay out twenty four hours a day for the entire trip.
The only downside was the drive.
Loki only lasted three of the eight to nine hour drive before he grew restless, and a restless Loki, especially one seated in between his two older siblings in the backseat of a car, was highly annoying. "Are we there yet?" he asked for the fifth time in the past forty minutes.
"No, but I promise I will inform you when we do arrive," Far said. It took a lot to try his patience, but nobody was better at it than Loki. The only time Thor managed to upset their father was when he tried something overly risky on the ski slopes. Loki blew a raspberry and slumped in his seat.
He turned to Thor and asked, "Want to play twenty questions?"
Having nothing better to do, Thor agreed. "You go first."
"Okay." He paused to think for a moment. "Got it."
"Is it an animal?"
"No."
"Is it a food?"
"No."
"Is it an object?"
"Yes."
"Is it…bigger than a piano?"
"Definitely not."
"Okay, is it bigger than Fenris?"
"No."
"Is it used as a tool?"
"Yes."
"Is it a knife?"
"Yes! How'd you guess that so quickly?" Loki questioned.
"Because every single time we play this game, you choose a knife."
"Not true!"
"Name one other thing you've picked for twenty questions."
"Uhhh…"
"See? You can't. Because you always pick knife."
"And you always pick hammer," Loki countered.
"Good job, you guessed mine! Now can we be done playing?"
"Fine."
The silence lasted only ten minutes before Loki asked once again if they were there yet. Hela elbowed him to shut up, he complained, and Mor scolded all three of them, even though Thor hadn't done anything wrong at all. He rested his head on his hand and stared out the window at the passing scenery. Another four hours passed before he began to recognize the area.
Their cabin was situated just north of Ålesund in small, isolated fishing village, not one of the famous ones overrun with tourists, so it was quiet but for the gentle lapping of the water against the rocks and the occasional cry of a sea eagle. The mountains where they skied rose behind it and the fjord opened up before it into a vast expanse of crystal blue water. Fenris bounded out of the car, eager to stretch his legs after being cooped up for so long. They'd left at the crack of dawn, so there was plenty of daylight left for swimming.
"Thor, help your father unload before you dash off," Mor instructed. Thor grumbled, but he knew he'd never get away with not helping. He accepted the luggage that Far handed him from the trunk and carried it into the cabin. The front door creaked loudly the way it always did, opening into a narrow hallway with both walls covered in hooks they used for winter coats or wetsuits depending on the season. Thor trudged into the living room with its old green couch beneath a shelf containing old pots and books. He smiled at the wooden chair hanging on the wall—Mor and Far refused to explain why it was there even though Thor asked every time. Turning away from the kitchen, he set his things down in the single bedroom that all five of them shared. It would have been cramped if they spent too much time in there, but most of the time everyone was tired enough from a day of adventuring that they fell asleep within minutes of putting their heads to pillows. Thor took the bottom bunk and pulled out the trundle for Loki, knowing Hela would demand the top as she always did. She liked being over everyone, and Thor wasn't about to argue with her.
They'd barely been here five minutes before he threw on a wetsuit and ran for the fjord. "Life jacket!" Mor called, tossing the vest after him. Thor caught it and strapped it on as he ran, not wanting to waste a second. Hela rolled her eyes at his enthusiasm, but she wasn't far behind, toting a paddleboard from the shed with Fenris trotting at her heels.
He dove off the dock without hesitation, letting the refreshing chill of the water invigorate his muscles after hours of inactivity on the ride up here. Despite his hatred of the long drive, it was beyond worth it. Thor felt more at home in the Norwegian sea than in most other places. He watched as Hela set the paddleboard in the water and held it steady for Fenris to climb aboard. The dog sat ramrod straight in his usual spot towards the front and wagged his tail eagerly.
Loki, who'd taken a little longer to get ready, paused on the edge of the dock. To the untrained eye, one might think he was scared to get in the water, but Thor knew better. The kid never jumped in without first saying something stupidly dramatic. Today he avowed, "I am Loki, and I am burdened with glorious purpose," and promptly leapt in. He landed in the perfect place to soak Hela with his splash.
"Watch it," she growled. Fenris growled to back her up. Loki bobbed back to the surface and stuck his tongue out at her. Hela rolled her eyes and paddled away, flicking water back at Loki as she passed. He was already soaking wet, so he didn't care, and he paddled eagerly over to where Thor was floating.
"Want to conspire to flip her overboard?" he asked with a familiar glint in his eye.
"Not unless you want six to be the last year you see," Thor said darkly.
"Don't be a coward."
"You need to stop reading. You're learning too many big words." Seriously, burdened with glorious purpose? Where the hell had he learned that phrase? Regardless, Thor bristled at being called a coward by his little brother. That was one thing he never wanted to be. So, he agreed. "We need to get Fenris off first, or he'll hear us coming and alert her. Can you provide a distraction?"
"Definitely."
"Good. You draw the dog away and I'll sneak up and flip her," Thor plotted. It wouldn't work the other way around because Loki wasn't physically big enough to flip a paddleboard. Plus, he was inexplicably skilled when it came to creating distraction. Loki swam back towards the dock and climbed out while Thor swam as quietly as possible towards Hela.
"Moose!" Loki cried. "Fenris, there's a moose!"
The dog's ears perked up and he fixed those unnatural dark green eyes on Loki pointing towards the opposite side of the cabin. With a woof, he jumped off the board and swam for the dock, paying no attention to Thor as he passed him. Hela was pissed that Fenris had abandoned her, but they all knew that nothing could draw his attention away if he suspected moose were nearby. She rolled her eyes and stopped paddling long enough to watch Fenris make it to shore. Which gave Thor just enough time to reach the board. He quickly checked to make sure Loki was watching and surged out of the water, throwing himself across the paddleboard and wrapping his hands around the opposite edge.
"Thor! Don't you—" Hela didn't get a chance to finish her warning before Thor dug his feet into the near end of the paddleboard and yanked the far side towards him, dumping Hela unceremoniously into the water. She popped back up, wet hair obscuring half her face, but Thor could see the murderous expression on the other half. He started swimming away, knowing if she caught up to him he'd face less-than-desirable consequences. "I'm gonna kill you," she swore.
"No killing!" Far called from the dock.
"No killing!" Loki repeated. He jumped back in the water and headed towards Thor to offer backup if Hela got to him. Thor could swim pretty fast, but Hela was a full twenty centimeters taller than him. Her hand grabbed the back of his life jacket and the next thing Thor knew he was underwater. She held him there not nearly long enough for him to drown, but he got the message.
He popped up and discovered Loki had climbed onto her back, when just a moment ago he'd been just beyond the dock. How did he get there so fast? Both of them were staring at him like he'd come back from the dead. "He's back, he's back," Hela panted, sounding relieved.
"What happened?"
She splashed him angrily. "You did that thing again! I thought I'd killed you!"
"I blanked out?" Thor was beginning to recognize that whenever things happened in the blink of an eye like that, it actually meant he'd zoned out for a few seconds and the world continued without him perceiving it.
"Yes, you idiot! Don't you ever scare me like that again!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't do it on purpose," he said.
"Well don't do it again."
"I'll try."
"Good. Now that I got you back, there's still one juksemaker who hasn't paid for what they've done," she said menacingly.
"Wait!" Loki called from his perch on her back, but he was too late. Hela threw herself backwards and dunked him.
Chapter Text
The next morning, Far woke everyone up before the sun in order to get out on the water for fishing. Thor rubbed his eyes blearily and stumbled out of bed to get ready. The early hour didn't bother Loki in the slightest, but Thor only agreed to do this because Far demanded it of him. To be allowed on the fishing trip, he had to prove himself capable of keeping to the schedule. He ate his brunost on bread on the walk down to the dock, trailing just behind Far with his armload of fishing gear.
"Huginn and Muninn!" Loki called, pointing up towards the sky. Thor looked up and, sure enough, two ravens circled lower and lower until they landed on Odin's shoulders. Every time they came to the cabin, two ravens sought him out. They weren't positive, but they suspected they must be the same ravens, possibly a mated pair. Nobody knew why the birds took a liking to Odin, but it was a magnificent sight nonetheless. Loki named them Huginn and Muninn, or "thought" and "memory," after the ravens that informed the god Odin in Norse mythology.
One of them fixed its beady black eye on Loki and cawed indignantly. When it flew off, the tip of its wing nearly took Far's eye out. "I hate those pesky birds," Far grumbled.
"But they love you," Thor countered.
"It's not common for birds to trust a human enough to land on them," Mor added.
"They're probably attracted to the shininess of your gray hairs," Hela mumbled.
"What did you say?" Far questioned.
"Nothing."
"She said they're probably attracted to the shininess of your gray hairs," Loki repeated.
"Hela," Far scolded.
"Brat," she growled at Loki. He dashed away from her and fell into step directly next to Thor. They arrived at the boat and loaded the fishing gear. Hela helped Far unmoor the boat and they set off into the fjord, eager to watch the sunrise over the mountains from out at sea.
"Far, will you tell the fishing story?" Thor pleaded. He didn't have the patience to sit and watch still water for very long, so Far livened up the waiting period by recounting the myth of the god Thor and how he fished for the world serpent Jormungand.
"Once we get lines in the water, I'll tell the fishing story," he promised. Thor smiled and watched their cabin recede into the distance as they headed out into open water. Far enlisted Loki to help bait the hooks, his favorite job for some reason, and Thor got to help cast. They put a few rods in holders attached to the boats, but Hela insisted on keeping hers in her hand so anything she caught would be undeniably hers. Thor watched for any ripples or signs that they got a bite, but of course there was nothing yet. Mor masterfully dragged her line back and forth to simulate live bait. Already growing bored with the lack of action, Thor sat down and looked to his father expectantly for the story. He had to wait another half hour, when the sun finally rose above the distant mountains, for Far to begin.
"Two giants dwelled beneath the sea," Far began. Thor practically bounced with anticipation. "These giants agreed to cooperate with the gods to host a grand feast, but only if the gods could find a kettle big enough to brew mead for all invited. This was no small feat, because only one such kettle existed in all the Nine Worlds, and it belonged to another giant, Hymir. Thor, the god of thunder, who had the most experience in dealing with giants, volunteered to seek out Hymir and retrieve the kettle.
"Is there Loki in this story?" Loki interrupted.
"You've heard it before, you know there's not," Thor told him.
"I forgot! I like the Loki stories better. All Thor does is fight big monsters, but Loki stories have more flavor."
"More flavor? What does that even mean?"
"He can transform into different things and he creates all sorts of crazy monsters."
"Do you know how exactly those monsters get created?" Hela asked.
"Don't you dare," Mor warned.
"How?" Loki questioned, curiosity piqued.
"She's not going to tell you," Mor stated. "You'll learn when you're older."
Hela rolled her eyes, but she fell silent for Far to continue the story: "Hymir killed three bulls for him and Thor to eat during his stay, but he underestimated just how much the hungry god could eat. After just one meal, two of the three bulls were consumed entirely.
"Yep, that sounds like Thor," Hela grumbled.
"No more interruptions," Far demanded. "Unless you get a bite, of course. Hymir declared that they must fish for more food, so the next morning he sent Thor to gather bait. Thor chopped off the head of the biggest bull in the pasture to use as bait. The two rowed out to the sea, and Hymir caught two whales.
"But whales aren't fish," Loki pointed out.
"I said no more interruptions! Anyway, Thor rowed out even farther, and Hymir began to grow afraid. Because, out in those deep, deep waters lurked the great serpent Jormungand. But Thor and the serpent were lifelong enemies, so he did not run away back to shore. He cast his line into the water and felt a monstrous tug. The serpent had taken the bait. Jormungand pulled so hard, but Thor held on so tight that his feet drove holes into the boat and it began to fill with water. At last, Thor reeled in the beast and the massive head of Jormungand rose above the water, with a hook through his cheek and a mouth dripping with venom. Hymir, in his panic, cut the line, and Thor missed his chance to slay his greatest enemy.
"Enraged at the giant's behavior, Thor hurled Hymir into the ocean. The boat sank, but Thor carried the two whales that Hymir caught as he waded back to shore. He stole the kettle and returned home to Asgard, where the feast commenced with enough mead for all."
"I never tire of that story," Thor declared. It was true; he'd heard it at least once or twice a year his entire life and he still felt his heart pound at every suspenseful, exciting moment. His namesake, the god of thunder, was the strongest and bravest of all the gods, and often Thor imagined himself going on wonderful adventures and slaying foes great and small. Sometimes he wondered if he'd be worthy enough to pick up Mjolnir, Thor's legendary hammer. But for now, he needed only to pick up his rod because something had taken the bait and was trying to swim away. With his father coaching, Thor reeled in the biggest cod he'd ever caught. It was almost as long as Loki was tall.
"This shall be dinner!" Thor proclaimed proudly.
"Dinner!" Loki echoed.
"If we use a bull's head as bait, do you think we could catch a serpent?" Thor asked hopefully.
"Maybe if we use you as bait," Hela offered.
"Nobody is using anybody as bait," Far stated. "And we are not slaying any bulls either. Jormungand and Hymir are only characters from stories."
"The Vikings, our ancestors, believed they were more than stories," Thor said.
"And they're all dead," Odin said with a chuckle. Thor pouted. He knew the stories weren't real, but it was fun to pretend sometimes. When he baited another hook and cast his line out again, he imagined it was a bull's head set out to lure the great serpent.
They spent the entire day out on the water, returning just in time for Far and Mor to prepare Thor's cod for a late dinner. Hela caught several fish, most of which were small enough to be released, and Loki helped Far reel in some of his catches. Like his namesake, Thor's appetite was legendary, and his intake almost equaled his father's. Hela made disgusted faces at him the whole time, while Loki, ever the picky eater, tried to evade Mor's insistence that he clean his plate by secretly feeding Fenris under the table. The dog loved cod so much that Thor feared he might bite Loki's hand off.
~0~
The rest of the trip elapsed too quickly for Thor's liking, as always. On their last night, they built a great fire in the fireplace within the stone wall of the cabin and roasted hot dogs. Loki narrowly avoided burning the entire cabin to ashes, and then Far forbid him from cooking anything else without supervision. When morning dawned, Mor allowed them one last swim before they packed up to go back home. Thor floated on his back and soaked up the clear skies for a full fifteen seconds before Loki splashed him to disturb his peace. He retaliated, using both hands to shove as much water as possible back towards his little brother. Eventually, Mor called for them to return to shore, but not before Thor and Loki decided the victor in a raging splash war (by decide the victor, they meant they agreed to disagree on who won). Taking in the view one last time before they departed, Thor decided that when he grew up he wanted to live here year round.
Driving home was even worse than driving up because Thor had nothing to look forward to at their destination. They had two days to unpack and mentally prepare before school started for the year. Hela was entering ninth grade. Thor and Loki would attend primary school, Loki in the first grade and Thor in fifth. This would be Loki's first year at barneskole and he was not nervous in the least, or so he claimed. Thor could tell that was a big fat lie.
He didn't let go of Thor's hand until they stood on the threshold of his classroom and were forced to separate. Loki was not normally clingy with anyone but Mor, a testament to just how much he feared starting at this new school. "You're gonna do great," Thor assured him. "Just be yourself…but with less stealing."
"No stealing?" Loki looked up at Thor with those blue-gray eyes, as if genuinely surprised that he was being told not to commit crimes at school.
"No stealing," Thor affirmed. "I'll see you after school." Loki nodded resolutely and strode into the classroom.
"Awww, would you look at that. The mighty Thor's got a soft spot for his baby brother." Thor rolled his eyes and turned around to find his friends waiting for him in the hallway, Sif with her arms crossed derisively and Fandral making obnoxious kissy faces at him. Hogun punched him playfully in the arm and they chest-bumped before setting off for their classroom. Volstagg, as per usual, ate his breakfast in the hallway sneakily enough not to get caught by any teachers. It wasn't like he ever left behind any crumbs that could attract animals, so his breaking the rules didn't do any real damage.
"How was your summer break?" Fandral asked.
"Magnificent," Thor proclaimed. "We just got back from the cabin. I caught a cod almost as big as Loki."
"That's not very big," Sif huffed.
"For a fish, yes it is. How did you all spend the vacation?"
"We went up to Lofoten to surf," Hogun explained.
"My parents wanted to see Rome, so that's where we went," Volstagg added. "All the ruins were kind of boring, but the food was good."
"I'm sure that was your favorite part," Fandral joked. "We didn't go abroad this year, but we did a lot of local stuff. Honestly, I'm glad to be back in school. I was kind of bored."
"Nothing is more boring than school," Hogun countered.
"Have your parents ever dragged you to an opera?" Sif asked. "You'll eat those words."
"I've been to an opera. It was actually quite entertaining," Fandral interjected.
"Only you would actually find opera entertaining," Thor sighed.
"Well, the theater was full, so clearly I'm not the only one."
"The only one younger than forty, how's that?" Sif asked.
"Fair enough," Fandral relented. They reached their classroom and found their seats, aligned in perfect rows from the front to the back of the room. Thor was next to Sif, and the other three members of their friend group were spread throughout the room. It was as if their new teacher already knew that, if seated close together, they would cause trouble. Maybe their previous teachers had warned her.
"Good morning," he began, standing authoritatively at the front of the room. Thor could tell from one glance that he wouldn't be one to let them off easy for misbehavior. He gave the traditional first day of school speech that he'd heard many times before. It only grew more boring with each passing year. Thor must have zoned out because he started listing class rules and suddenly he was on number six when he would have sworn he just finished three. Whatever, Thor decided. He wasn't about to ask him to repeat himself, and there was probably a written list of them somewhere in the room.
They went around the room and all introduced themselves. Thor knew most of these people already from previous years, but he assumed this exercise was more for their teacher to learn their names than for them to learn each other's. While he listened to his classmates drone on, his thoughts wandered to Loki. He really wanted his brother to have a good first day of school because if he didn't then he'd be grumpy, and a grumpy Loki was even more unbearable than a normal Loki. Grumpy Loki didn't pull innocent tricks like hiding dresser drawers, he spat mean insults and occasionally threw tantrums. Plus, if Loki made friends his own age, maybe he wouldn't bother Thor so much.
Thor had met all of his current friends his first year of primary school when the five of them were placed at the same table. Sif, being the only girl, was definitely the most mature of the bunch and therefore the de facto leader most of the time, but Thor was notorious for accepting any challenge they dared him to complete and had earned a healthy amount of respect. He'd done some pretty insane things over the years for dares, including but not limited to standing outside in subzero temperatures with no shoes and no shirt—though the proposed ten minutes had been cut short when his mother discovered what he was doing, stealing Fandral's shoe and launching it onto the roof of the school building during recess, and licking a flagpole in the middle of winter. Volstagg had also participated in that last one, but only because the pole looked like a giant popsicle.
All things considered, it was a perfectly average first day of school. Thor waited outside Loki's classroom after saying goodbye to his friends, not sure if he'd encounter a grumpy Loki or a happy Loki. When his brother strode out the door with a genuine smile on his face, Thor heaved a sigh of relief. Happy Loki he could deal with no problem.
"How was your first day?" he asked.
"Extraordinary," Loki replied.
"Really? That sounds great."
"It was. And I didn't steal anything, I promise."
"That's good. Did you make any friends?"
"Sure."
"Want to tell me about them?"
"No," Loki stated. "I don't want you to steal them."
"I'm not going to steal your friends, Loki," Thor assured. He didn't know why Loki would even think that a possibility. At his age, Thor didn't exactly want to hang out with first graders, certainly not enough to have any desire to steal his little brother's friends from him.
"I'm not taking any chances."
"Alright. Keep your friends secret, I don't care. You've already met all my friends."
"They're annoying."
"My friends are not annoying!"
"Yes they are. They're worse than you."
"If I'm so annoying, why are you holding my hand?"
Loki shrugged. "People like you. I thought it a good strategy to show my allegiance to you so maybe people would like me too."
That was a lot of words for a six-year-old to spit out as easily as if he were reciting the alphabet. "I'm sure people like you for you, not just because of who your big brother is. I certainly didn't hold Hela's hand on my first day of barneskole."
"Hela would break your hand if you tried to hold it," Loki pointed out.
"Yeah, you're probably right."
"Thor!" Loki was repeatedly calling his name and poking him in the arm with the hand that just an instant ago had been holding Thor's.
"What?" Thor asked, swatting Loki's hand away.
"You did the blank staring thing again."
"Oh. Well, it's over now."
"Why do you do that all the time?"
"I don't know." Thor felt weird and just a little bit afraid that these things kept happening to him. It was disconcerting to blink and be told he'd been unresponsive for thirty seconds or more. As they arrived back home, an inexplicable tiredness overcame him. A day at school never rendered him this exhausted.
"So, how was your first day?" Mor asked when she got home from work. Loki boisterously told her all about it while Thor waited his turn. Thor listened to his account, but about halfway through he sensed he just missed something important. Mor was laughing joyously at whatever Loki had just said, but the last thing Thor remembered him saying was not funny in the least. Had he zoned out again? That seemed the only plausible explanation.
"How about you, Thor?"
"It was boring, but it was good to be able to see my friends again. They were all over the place during summer so all five of us never got to be together. Fandral talked about liking opera, and Volstagg…"
"I'm scared," Loki said meekly.
"Why?" Thor questioned, swallowing against a sudden sensation of nausea. He'd just been talking about Fandral and Volstagg's summer vacations, what could be frightening about that?
"Thor, you blanked out again. For longer than you've ever done before," Mor explained.
"Huh?" He was growing frustrated with all these gaps in his memory, and now his whole body was swimming with a feeling unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. It occurred to him that maybe he ought to sit down, and then the feeling was washed away by complete unconsciousness.
Notes:
Of course we had to transition from pure fluff to drama at some point. I'm actually surprised I managed to write nearly two whole chapters of exposition; that's far more than I usually do. Also, yes. Norse myths really are that wild. This one was actually rather tame compared to some.
Chapter Text
Thor woke up with the worst headache of his life. The intensity of it prevented him from cataloguing his surroundings or any of the other sensations plaguing his body. Vaguely, he registered the sound of a long, uncomfortable groan, and moments later recognized that it probably came from him. Disoriented and frustrated, he tried moving to a hopefully more comfortable position and found his limbs wouldn't cooperate.
"Shhh, it's alright," an unfamiliar voice whispered from above. Things certainly didn't feel alright, but the voice sounded confident in this statement. He relaxed just a little bit, enough to focus on what was happening beyond his splitting headache. The pain radiated out from a spot towards the back of his head—maybe he hit it on something? He'd gotten a concussion from skiing a few years ago and that had felt somewhat similar to this. Running his tongue around the inside of his mouth, he tasted blood and discovered a few sore spots. Worst of all was the distinct dampness in the front of his pants and the generalized ache across his every muscle, as if he'd spent hours running around and lifting heavy things.
He tried to ask what happened, but he couldn't coordinate his lips and tongue well enough to produce any coherent sound. The voice must have read his mind, though, because it spoke again, and this time a figure came into view. "You had a seizure," the woman informed him calmly. Thor didn't even know what that meant, but the way she said it didn't make it sound like a big deal, so he didn't worry about it too much. "We don't know what caused it yet, but we're going to run some tests and figure it out. You're going to be just fine."
"Mor?" the first actual word to escape his throat since he woke up.
"She rode with you here in the ambulance," the woman informed him. "We'll take you back to her after we do this test, okay?"
"Okay." Thor finally paused to take in his surroundings and recognized that he was in a hospital, and the woman with the nice voice was a nurse or doctor. She helped him change out of his wet clothes into a gown and took him into a room with a huge, tube-shaped machine. Another stranger spent a few minutes explaining what was going to happen, but the only thing Thor really heard was that he'd have to stay still for nearly an hour. On a normal day he would've protested that such a feat was impossible, he couldn't even sit still at his school desk for that long, but he was so tired and achy that moving sounded more difficult than staying still at the moment. He thought he might even fall asleep.
Despite the loud, obnoxious noise of the machine, Thor thought he fell asleep. He couldn't be sure because he had absolutely no sense of time, but it sure didn't feel like he laid in there for an hour. Just as promised, after the scan ended, the kind woman took him back to a room where his mother awaited him.
"Thor!" she exclaimed upon his return. He coordinated his arms well enough to return her relieved hug. The disorientation and clumsiness waned with every passing minute, but the headache and exhaustion lingered.
"What happened?" he mumbled when she released him.
"You had a seizure," Mor told him, echoing the words of the nurse earlier.
"What's that?"
"It's when the signals in your brain fire randomly instead of doing what they're supposed to. It made you pass out and your muscles jerk uncontrollably." She said it like she was repeating a definition from the dictionary, though he could hear a hint of fear in her voice. It must have been scary to watch.
"Why?" he questioned.
"They don't know yet, but they're trying to figure it out."
"Did I hit my head?"
"Yes, you hit the kitchen table when you fell. It might be sore for a while."
"Ev'rything's sore," he mumbled.
"I know." She gently squeezed his hand. "Why don't you try and get some more sleep?"
She didn't need to tell him twice; he slipped into sleep almost the instant his eyes fell shut.
~0~
"The good news is it's not a tumor," the doctor announced.
"That means there's also bad news," Thor said. He'd woken up from his nap feeling fully coherent, but still with a raging headache. Lack of a brain tumor certainly sounded like a good thing, but that meant they still didn't have an answer.
"Not bad news, rather a lack of news. We want to get a more thorough history to see if we can find any clues as to what caused the seizure."
"Okay," Mor agreed. Thor listened and, together with his mother, answered all the doctor's questions. Nothing raised any flags until he inquired about episodes of daydreaming or blank staring. "Yes. Is that a symptom of something?" Mor asked.
"It can be. These episodes are actually called absence seizures. They're another version of the misfiring neural signals you witnessed today with the tonic-clonic seizure. The older, possibly more familiar terms are petit mal and grand mal seizures."
"What does it mean that he has these?"
"We don't know for sure at this juncture. How long ago did he start having them?"
Thor nodded in agreement as his mother answered, "Maybe a month ago."
"And how often do they happen?"
"Once or twice a day as far as I can tell. Thor, do you know?"
"No," he admitted. "I can't really tell when they happen unless someone else sees it."
"That's normal. It's a little bit like taking a quick nap; you don't notice anything happened except maybe that you missed a few seconds of conversation or whatever's going on around you."
"Is it dangerous?" Mor now sounded more worried than she had at the beginning of this discussion.
"Not exactly. Absence seizures are usually harmless, though they often indicate an underlying condition. The biggest risk with the tonic-clonic seizures is injuries from falling at onset, particularly hitting your head, and hitting it against the floor during convulsions."
Thor could corroborate that hitting his head on the way down was, in fact, the most painful part of the experience. But what struck him was how the doctor spoke as if they needed to remember this information for future reference. Why would they need to know that unless this was going to happen again?
"Underlying condition?" Mor plucked that word out of everything the doctor just said.
"We won't know for sure until we can look at his EEG results, but I can be fairly certain we're dealing with some form of a seizure disorder."
Mor remained silent. The doctor dismissed himself and informed them a technician would be in to set up the EEG monitoring soon. Thor didn't know what that entailed, and he wasn't eager to find out.
"Where's Far?" he asked.
Mor bit her lip nervously before she answered. "He's here. But he's, um…busy at the moment."
"Doing what?"
"He's getting his eye checked out."
"What happened to it?"
She took his hand, which only increased his confusion. "When you fell and started seizing, I called your father into the kitchen because I had absolutely no idea what to do. He got too close, and you scratched him across the face."
"What?" Thor was mortified that he'd hurt his father.
"He's going to be alright," Mor assured.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to," Thor whimpered.
"I know you didn't. It's not your fault."
"What about Loki and Hela?"
"They're at home. I called them to tell them you're both okay."
"Did they see it happen?"
"Loki did. He was there with you and me in the kitchen right before, remember?"
"I think so." His memories of right before were kind of hazy, blurred by the stress of having a seizure.
"You don't have to worry about them right now. Let's focus on getting to the bottom of this, okay?"
"Okay." As the middle child, Thor wasn't used to being the center of attention. Hela had a solid four years of being an only child before he was born, and when Mor and Far adopted Loki they trusted Hela to keep Thor out of trouble when their attention was focused on the new baby. He'd learned to be as self-sufficient as possible in his ten years of life, and the notion of Mor focusing exclusively on him was a brand new concept.
The EEG was also a brand new concept, though a less enticing one.
They glued electrodes to his head. It was easily the strangest thing that had ever happened to him. Mor smiled at him, and he could tell based on that look that he must look ridiculous. The neurologist wanted him monitored for twenty four hours as a baseline, and then they'd test him with potentially seizure-inducing stimuli like flashing lights.
Barely an hour in and he was already bored out of his mind. However, the end of that hour heralded the arrival of Far. Thor stared guiltily at the bandages covering his right eye, knowing he was the reason they were there.
"How are you feeling?" Far asked warmly, taking the seat next to Mor.
"I still have a headache and I'm bored," he proclaimed.
"I'll take bored over sick any day."
"How's your eye?"
"Unusable. But I've got a second, so there's no need to fret about it."
"No need to fret? I blinded you in one eye!"
"Thor, calm down please. You're supposed to be resting," Mor pleaded. Thor didn't understand how he could possibly hope to remain calm when his father just told him he lost the use of one of his eyes.
"Far, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you."
"You don't have to make it up to me, it wasn't your fault. I'm not upset with you. This is just a thing that happened."
"But whenever people ask what happened to your eye, you'll have to tell them it was me."
"Give it some time and this will be something we can laugh about."
"I guess," Thor said with a shrug.
Far went home that night so Hela and Loki wouldn't be alone too long. Thor wondered how they'd gotten along just the two of them in the wake of his seizure. He had some trouble finding a comfortable position against the pillow with all the wires snaking off his head, but once he fell asleep he stayed asleep through the night.
The next morning Mor tried her best to contain Thor's restlessness, but between missing school-and therefore his friends—and being cooped up in the hospital Thor was understandably fed up with the current state of his life. That afternoon, however, his siblings came to visit. Thor thought their arrival would lift his spirits, but upon seeing their faces he only wanted to hide his own. Frankly, he was embarrassed to be in this situation.
"I thought you'd be glad to see me," Hela quipped, examining her fingernails. Loki held Mor's hand and couldn't seem to decide whether to look at the EEG wires or the floor.
"I am," Thor insisted. "I just don't want you to see me."
"Afraid you're gonna spaz out again?"
"Hela, don't be rude," Mor chided.
"What? Is that not what happened?"
"Don't make light of it."
Thor tried his best to ignore this conversation. He either did an excellent job or had another absence seizure because he definitely missed a decent chunk of it.
"When is Thor gonna come home?" Loki asked.
"Soon," Mor promised. "Once the doctors figure out what's going on inside his brain, then he can come home."
Man, that couldn't come soon enough. Loki and Hela didn't stay long; Far brought them home barely an hour later. Fortunately, his twenty four hours of baseline monitoring concluded not long after. The neurologist returned and announced it was time to see how his brain waves changed in reaction to certain stimuli.
"It's possible this will induce a tonic-clonic seizure, but you're in the safest place possible."
That was not a warning Thor expected to hear. He thought their goal here was to figure out what caused the seizure and prevent one from ever happening again. Now they told him they practically wanted him to seize? Thor wanted to say no thank you and rip the wires off his head, but he didn't want to chicken out. Thor was no coward. First, they asked him to hyperventilate, breathe rapidly and shallowly for several minutes. He didn't feel any different after that, but the facial expression of the technician looking at the EEG readout suggested differently. Then they brought in the lights. Thor watched it strobe rapidly, and the next grand mal seizure overtook him without any of the warning signs he'd experienced last time.
~0~
"Not again," he grumbled when he finally regained enough awareness to form real words. The ache in his muscles was back in full force, accompanied by a renewed pounding in his head. On the bright side, the EEG wires were gone, though some of the gunk they'd used to stick them to his head remained stuck in his hair.
"You're alright. It's over now," Mor assured.
"C'n I go home now?"
"Not yet. We still have to hear what the neurologist has to say about your EEG results."
"M'kay."
They didn't have to wait too long, fortunately. One more hour in here and Thor thought he might make a break for it. He sat down, which struck Thor as alarming. They usually didn't stay long enough to take a seat.
"Did you find the answers you were looking for?" Mor inquired.
"We did. The readings on your EEG and the age of onset are consistent with something called juvenile absence epilepsy."
"What's that?" Thor asked.
"It's a seizure disorder characterized by absence seizures, the daydreaming episodes you've been experiencing, and occasional tonic-clonic seizures."
"Is there a cure?" Mor asked.
The doctor shook his head and Thor's heart broke. An uncurable seizure disorder? What would that mean for his life—for his future? "The seizures can be managed with medication, but the disease itself cannot be cured."
"What kind of medication?"
"There are many different kinds of anticonvulsants used to treat different kinds of epilepsy. Given the frequency of his absence seizures, I'd like to start Thor on ethosuximide. It won't treat the tonic-clonics, but seeing as he's only had one untriggered tonic-clonic seizure so far, they might be infrequent enough that medication isn't necessary."
"Okay." Mor sounded unsure. Thor didn't like that she sounded unsure. In fact, everything about this whole epilepsy thing sounded unsure. This doctor made it sound like there was nothing they could do to stop this. What if he had a seizure at school? Or on the ski slopes? Would he even still be allowed to ski or swim if at any moment he could drop like a stone and start convulsing?
Notes:
I hope that was enough angst to satisfy those who've been eagerly awaiting it. Speaking of angst...I just finished another prequel, one that goes by the nickname TCMP :) Anybody remember what that stands for?
Chapter 4: Gleipnir
Notes:
Somebody asked if I would continue to do Prequel Previews and I must admit that I completely forgot that was even a thing I once did. So, now that I remember, I will do another one. This is a story I haven't talked as much about because it's much shorter than any of the other prequels at only two chapters. However, that length is a necessity because I couldn't endure much more writing in that state of mind. Bruce's prequel will be peppered with many, many trigger warnings for obvious reasons. I did enjoy analyzing passages from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and activating my inner English major that never gets a chance to see the light. It was from one of these passages that I got the title for the story: Quiet Minds. Here's the summary: "Before Gravesen, there was a period of light. But it was sandwiched between two places so dark Bruce wished he couldn't remember them."
That will be posted next, but for now please enjoy the continuation of Thor's journey
Chapter Text
After a long conversation with the neurologist, a referral to an epilepsy specialist, and a prescription for ethosuximide, Thor got to go home. Mor and Far consulted the specialist and came up with a new list of rules. They didn't even tell him what the punishment would be for breaking them when he asked, just glared at him sternly. He got the message that breaking any of them would not be pleasant for him.
Rule number one: Never take off your medic alert bracelet—especially when you're not at home. The medic alert bracelet was a simple chain with a tag engraved with his name, his type of epilepsy, and his parents' contact information. It fit just tight enough that it couldn't slip over his hand, but Thor could work the latch with one hand and take it off if he really set his mind to it. Just to himself, he called it Gleipnir like the mythical rope that was used to bind Fenris wolf. This rule didn't bother him so much as some of the others; the bracelet actually looked kind of cool and he understood why getting caught without it could be problematic. If an unsuspecting bystander found him seizing they'd freak out unnecessarily unless they could read the tag and understand that flailing around on the floor was a normal thing for him.
Rule number two: No skipping medicine doses. This one also didn't cause him too much grief, but he did need to be reminded. He only took two pills a day: one at eight in the morning and one at eight at night. They were small enough that he didn't have any trouble swallowing them whole.
Rule number three: No locking doors—including your bedroom and bathroom. This one, he did mind. He wanted the option to lock Loki out of their room if he was being particularly annoying, and when they did something together that upset Hela they used to lock themselves in to hide from her. And he didn't want someone to walk in on him in the shower or something; that would be embarrassing. But, as Mor and Far explained, they couldn't waste time picking a lock if he seized in the shower. It took some practice to break the habit, but ultimately the rule wasn't as restrictive as he initially thought.
Rule number four: No movies, TV, or video games with flashing lights. This one made sense. Thor knew for a fact that flashing lights caused him to have tonic-clonic seizures, and he wanted to go through life having as few of them as possible. Nowadays they were required to put warnings at the beginning for those sorts of things.
Rule number five: No driving or operating vehicles of any kind. Thor wasn't old enough to do that anyway, so this didn't matter to him all that much. He understood the reasoning behind it, though. An absence seizure at the wheel would definitely cause an accident.
Rule number six: No bike riding or skiing without an appropriate helmet. Thor and his siblings already followed that rule anyway. He didn't see why Mor and Far felt the need to include it.
Rule number seven: No unsupervised swimming or water sports, and only legal adults knowledgeable about your condition count as supervisors. This was the only rule Thor bothered to argue about. There were plenty of times during summer vacations when Mor and Far retired to the cabin while the kids continued to play in the water. And Thor went swimming with just his friends sometimes. Now he would have to bring one of his parents along—not cool. He was surprised they decided not to ban him from water sports all together with how freaked out they were acting about this whole epilepsy thing. His first few days home from the hospital, Mor came by his room to check on him at least once every thirty minutes. It was as if she expected to find him convulsing on the floor instead of doing his homework like a normal kid.
He didn't return to school until he'd been on his new medicine for a few days because it potentially had significant side effects. None of his friends knew about his diagnosis, and Thor intended to keep it that way as long as he could. If he had a seizure in front of them, they probably wouldn't even want to be his friends anymore. Loki, as his brother, couldn't disown him so easily, but Thor could tell he was wary. He talked less and hadn't stolen anything of Thor's in days.
The meds did make him a bit sleepy, but so far nothing severe enough to warrant changing the dosage or trying a different medication. Thor's first day back at school was fortunately uneventful except for what he suspected was an absence seizure during math class. He blinked, and suddenly an entire problem was written out on the board when before it had just been blank. Inevitably, his friends asked where he'd been, and Thor answered with a vague, but not untrue, "I was sick." If they suspected he was hiding something, they didn't let on.
Thor himself tried not to let this unfortunate fact change the way he lived his life. Yes, he followed all of Mor and Far's rules, but he also continued to do everything he had before in much the same way. He could drop like a stone and start seizing at any given moment, and Thor acknowledged that fact, but he didn't want it to consume his every waking thought. If he did, he'd be ruining every second of his life, not just the few minutes when he was actively seizing. He only wished the rest of his family could perpetuate the same normalcy.
Mor and Far even let his teachers in on it, so they now looked at him in that same way his parents did, as if he was a bomb with a broken timer. He was glad that someone in the room would know what to do if he had a seizure at school, but he was so mortified by the notion of ever having one there that he shook his head to clear it of such thoughts every time they crossed his mind. Thor didn't want to be known by his entire class as the epileptic kid. As of now, he had a reputation among his peers as the nice kid who never backed down from a challenge. He didn't want that to change.
Just over two weeks after his diagnosis, he had another tonic-clonic seizure. This time, no funny feeling swamped him beforehand, he just stood up from his desk to answer Far's summons to dinner, and woke up with a splitting headache. Mor stood over him, her concern palpable, while Loki hovered just on the outskirts of his peripheral vision. "You're okay," Mor assured. Thor exhaled audibly, frustrated that this was his new normal. How many people could have a full-blown seizure in their bedroom and have their mother tell them they were okay?
It took him fifteen minutes to work himself to standing, albeit shakily. Mor asked him if he wanted to come to dinner. Thor ran his tongue around the inside of his mouth and shook his head. "Can I just take a nap?" he requested. Fortunately, this one hadn't rendered him incontinent, so he didn't need to change clothes before crawling into bed and hoping the full-body aches would diminish with an hour or two of sleep.
He woke up to Loki staring at him. "How long have you been watching me sleep?" Thor questioned blearily. Loki only shrugged. Thor rubbed his eyes and sat up, checking the clock to discover he'd only been out for forty five minutes. "More importantly, why were you watching me sleep?"
"It's a palate cleanser from watching you seize."
"What's a palate cleanser?" Loki was always learning words and phrases way beyond his years and Thor struggled to keep up with his Shakespearean vocabulary.
"Something that resets you to baseline after extreme taste."
"Okay?" Thor didn't have the energy to try and internalize new vocab, so he just let it go. Loki looked at him unsurely, and Thor wondered what was on the kid's mind.
"Does it hurt?" he asked out of the blue.
"What?"
"Does it hurt, when you have a seizure?"
Oh. Loki was just genuinely curious about what Thor experienced. "I don't feel anything during; it's like I'm asleep. But it hurts after." He didn't feel the need to be any more specific, but he did have questions of his own. Loki had now watched him seize twice, and Thor had no idea what it looked like from that side of the situation. "What does it look like…when I have a seizure?"
"You go all stiff and then start thrashing. You sound like you're choking. The worst part is that your eyes are open and it looks like it hurts, but Mor said you don't feel anything while it's happening."
"I don't," Thor assured him. The description startled him. Throughout all the epilepsy conversations he'd had with doctors in the past few weeks, at no point did anyone tell him what a seizure looked like to observers. It was unnerving to know that everyone could see him while he had no control over what he was doing, but having an idea what it looked like made him feel better. He reached for his wrist to play with his metal bracelet and found it gone. Mor was going to kill him! Rule number one was to never take it off, but somehow it had disappeared from his wrist. It didn't even fit over his hand, how had it just fallen off?
He slipped out of bed and searched the floor on his side of the room and under the bed, hoping to glimpse a glint of metal in the carpet. The bracelet did not magically appear. Thor started to panic. "What's wrong?" Loki asked.
"My bracelet's gone." Thor looked up just in time to catch Loki wrapping his right hand around his left wrist. He stood up and eyed his brother suspiciously. "Do you know where it went?"
"No," Loki lied. He was a rotten liar. Every time he told a fib, he rocked back and forth on his feet. This time, he did it so dramatically that he nearly lost his balance.
"Give it back." Knowing he'd been caught, Loki released his grip on his wrist and opened the clasp on the bracelet one-handed. Once he took it off, he handed it back to Thor. "Don't take it again," he warned. "If I'm not allowed to take it off, then neither are you. If this gets lost, I'll be in so much trouble."
"Okay," Loki sighed. Thor left the room and headed for the kitchen, hungry from missing dinner. Luckily, Mor had saved his plate for him.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Better," he replied. The seizure was over; he wanted Mor to stop hovering, but he didn't know how to tell her that without sounding rude. She watched over him while he ate as if afraid he'd seize again, even though they both knew the odds of them happening this close together were almost nonexistent. He caught her scribbling in a notebook. The cover didn't have a title, but he knew what it was: his seizure diary. She'd put herself in charge of keeping it, consulting Thor for the things she couldn't answer like if he'd had symptoms or auras beforehand. So far, the book only had two entries. Thor wondered how many more there would be by the time he turned eleven.
~0~
He got his first concussion a week or two after that. Turns out seizing outside was way more dangerous than inside. The last thing Thor remembered was playing outside with Loki, who filled in the gaps for him afterwards. Apparently it came on without warning and he collapsed in just the right place to hit his head on a rock. Luckily, Loki shoved him off of it before the clonic phase began and saved him from bashing it repeatedly against such an unforgiving surface. Still, the bloodstain lingering on said rock proved that despite Loki's timely rescue, Thor really did a number on his brain. That, and the pulsing, unrelenting headache that still plagued him five days later.
It was the worst week ever. Light bothered him, noise bothered him, basically everything bothered him. He wasn't even allowed to do anything. No screens, no physical activity, not even reading were permitted. Granted, Thor was too miserable to partake in any of those activities, but it was the principle of not being allowed that sealed the deal. He slept only on one side because lying on the other put too much pressure on his head wound. For the first few days, he was too nauseous to even eat, and then taking his anticonvulsants on an empty stomach only made it worse.
In this state, even a Loki trying to be helpful irritated him endlessly. He recognized that Thor was not in the mood for his antics and refrained from causing trouble—or Mor threatened him severely enough to whip him into shape. Either way, he popped in every hour on the hour when he wasn't at school to ask if Thor needed anything. He also took the opportunity every time to inquire, "When will you be better enough to play with me?"
"I don't know," Thor grumbled. The question was sweet, but it only made Thor frustrated with how slowly he was healing. The inactivity was slowly driving him crazy.
On day six, he ventured from his bedroom to the living room couch for a change in scenery. Not long after he settled, Far and Hela trudged into the house covered in sweat and dirt.
"What have you been up to?" Mor questioned, blocking them from tracking dirt any farther into the house.
"We moved the rock," Far proclaimed.
"What?" Thor leapt into the conversation. "That thing's huge. How'd you move it?"
"Leverage," Hela quipped.
"Leverage," Far agreed.
"Thanks, I guess," Thor sighed. He didn't like that they'd gone through so much trouble just for him. What were the odds he'd seize again on the same rock, anyway?
"It did nothing to contribute to the landscaping," Far explained.
"You didn't force it on one of the neighbors, did you?" Mor asked concernedly.
"Of course not," Far insisted.
"He made us lug that thing all the way to Sweden," Hela grumbled.
"Well I'm glad it's gone. Thank you. Now go shower, please." Thor fell asleep before they'd even left the room. He awoke to find Loki had stolen his bracelet yet again. No one was in sight and he knew that shouting would make his headache spike, so he eased himself to standing and marched off to find his brother. He didn't have to look hard; Loki was stretched out on his bed reading a book about the planets.
"Give it back."
"What?"
"You know what I'm talking about. I'm too tired to argue with you."
"But you just napped, why are you still tired?"
"Because I have a head injury, Loki. You know how big seizures make me tired? This is like that on a bigger scale."
"I don't want you to be tired," he pouted.
Now Thor couldn't stop himself from raising his voice just a little. "I don't want to be tired either, but I can't do anything about it. Just give me back my bracelet before Mor catches me without it."
"Okay." Loki reached under his mattress and pulled out the silver chain. Thor managed to clip it back on one-handed, but the focus required to complete the task exasperated his headache. Exhausted, but not tired enough to actually fall asleep again, he lay down and ran his fingers over the engraving on the tag. He never thought he'd yearn so desperately for something as simple as a day without a headache.
On day eight, he could tolerate enough light to take a walk outside at dusk. The fresh air did wonders for his energy levels, and by the end of the second week he felt good enough for boredom to take over as his chief complaint. He actually requested to go back to school. Whether Thor or his mother was more surprised by that, he didn't know, but he was growing tired of doing nothing all day. Three weeks after the concussion, he was cleared to go back. He made up a story about roughhousing with Loki causing his injury because he still hadn't mentioned "the E word" to his friends and he had no intention of ever doing so.
~0~
Things got worse. After spending the three weeks of his recovery without having any big seizures, they came back. He had one right after he sat down to dinner one night. Less than a week later, he woke up, immediately seized, and was two hours late to school. But, what ultimately sealed his tomb was having one in the middle of class. Thor knew it was coming. The indescribably dizzy feeling overcame him after multiple absences rendered him completely confused as to what the teacher was discussing. He felt it coming and begged his brain to just hold off for a few more hours so he didn't embarrass himself in front of all his friends. Not eager for another head injury, he slid out of his chair and eased himself to the floor.
"Thor, what are—"
He didn't hear the rest of his teacher's question, but his face was the first one Thor saw when he woke up exhausted, hurting, and wet where he didn't want to be.
"I'm fine," he groaned, moving to sit up and escape the looks of his classmates.
"Slow down," Mr. Hansen soothed. "You're alright. You just had a seizure."
"I know." The pain in his head was less severe and localized than usual, thanks to his quick thinking in getting to the floor. If only his body would warn him like that every time, he could avoid future head injuries.
"I called your mother. When you're ready, you can get up and go home with her."
"'Kay." Thor glanced around just enough to realize that no one else was even here except for Sif. He must've imagined everyone staring at him since he'd dreaded it for so long. Sif gazed at him with a combination of worry and rage.
"I sent everyone else next door so you wouldn't be overwhelmed," Mr. Hansen informed him.
"Thanks." He eventually worked himself to sitting, and then Sif let him have it.
"So this is a normal thing for you?" she questioned.
"Kinda."
"And you didn't think to tell us about it in case we ever needed to help you through one of these?"
"They don't happen that often. I was playing the odds you wouldn't need to help me."
"You're an idiot."
"Maybe. Did the whole class see it?"
"Only the first minute or two, then Hansen kicked them out."
"Are they all disgusted with me now?"
"Not at all. They wanted to help. Hansen had to assure them they didn't need to call an ambulance."
"That's good."
"Seriously, why didn't you tell us?" she asked, eyes bright and intense.
"I didn't want you to think I was weak and lame," he admitted.
"Thor, you just had a seizure and you're sitting here having a casual conversation now. That's not lame or weak. Quite the opposite, actually."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"That's…a relief."
"You're still the coolest guy I know. This doesn't change that." She tapped his wrist where his medic alert bracelet sat. Thor sighed, mental and physical tension leaving him. Sif extended her hands and helped him to his feet, then together they walked to the front of the school where his mother was waiting with a change of clothes in hand. Thor took them sheepishly, quickly changed in the nearest bathroom, and let her sign him out and take him home. During the car ride, he let his relief at Sif's reaction wash over him. He'd been worried about her more than any of his other friends being so perturbed by his condition that she didn't want to be around him anymore. Evidently, that fear was unfounded. Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg followed her lead on just about everything, so if she continued to treat him the same, odds were they would too. Thor actually found himself feeling relieved that more people knew. Now he didn't have to hide it from them anymore.
It was a good thing he didn't have to hide it anymore, because with every passing week his tonic-clonic seizures spiraled out of control. They happened at least once a week now. Mor was close to making him wear a helmet at all hours. When he got his second concussion, he was sure she would do it. This one wasn't nearly as bad as the first, only putting him out of school for a week, but it terrified her and Far. When it was clear this was a continuing trend and not a fluke, the neurologist asked him to come back in.
"Ethosuximide is great at controlling absences, but it does little to control tonic-clonic seizures and can sometimes make them worse. I'd like to add in another medication to target the tonic-clonics. Mixing anticonvulsants can cause more prominent side effects, but I think in this case the risk is worth the reward."
"I want to do it," Thor avowed. "I'm so tired of seizing all the time." Mor and Far agreed, and soon his pill case was filled with a gradually building dose of lamotrigine to accompany his ethosuximide. His schedule to take them didn't change, but he now swallowed multiple pills morning and night. From the first dose he noticed a difference. The new meds destroyed his appetite and made him nauseous. Mor called the neurologist and asked what they could do to help him, but there was nothing to be done but hope they lessened with time.
It had been about a week and Thor sat at the dinner table with absolutely no intention of eating any of it. Mor forced him to intake a little, which she regretted when it came back up ninety minutes later, and again a few hours after that. Right after Thor swallowed his meds.
Loki informed him the next morning that he had a big seizure in his sleep. He also stole Thor's medic alert bracelet again, which Thor snatched back. During week two on his new meds, he only threw up once more, this time at school, and by week three his appetite bounced back from half of his normal to about two thirds. It was worth the suffering because he dropped from averaging two seizures a week to one every two weeks, and then once a month. By that point Thor's life felt, not quite normal, but regular. Just in time for the Odinsons to spend winter break at the cabin.
Chapter 5: Bifrost
Notes:
Because I'm feeling good about finishing TCMP and finally have a solid direction for the Nick prequel, please enjoy this lovely bonus chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Despite assurance from his doctors that Thor was allowed to participate in sports, Mor and Far didn't want to allow it. They feared he would seize on the slopes and hurt—or potentially kill—himself. Thor worried he would have to argue his case for the entire drive up there, but they agreed to let him ski so long as he kept his helmet on at all times and didn't run any courses without supervision. This time they even let Hela and Loki count as qualified supervisors. He wanted to head out as soon as they arrived, but it was getting dark and another rule for Thor was keeping to his bedtime.
Thor going to bed on time meant everyone else did too because they wanted to fall asleep before he started snoring. That was ridiculous; he didn't snore. The first morning dawned bright and early, the snow glistening on the mountaintops and beckoning him. The Odinsons geared up and set out for a day on the slopes.
The temperature the night before had left the snow the perfect degree of frozen; Thor could tell from the moment his skis touched down. His mind quieted, his focus narrowing to contain just him and the slop beneath his feet. He'd been skiing for so long that his skis felt like extensions of his body instead of gear strapped onto his boots. All three of the Odinson kids learned to ski not long after learning to walk. Frankly, Thor found that this came just as naturally as walking.
While Mor and Far did most of the worrying for him, Thor had maintained a bit of fear for what might happen if he seized on the mountain. But actually being here with the wind rushing past and the crisp mountain air in his nose made him forget all about that. He hadn't experienced this kind of freedom since his diagnosis. Up here on this mountain, epilepsy simply didn't exist.
Thor reached the end of the course and slid to a stop, just in time to turn around and watch Loki tumble to the bottom. With an exasperated sigh, Thor headed over to help him up. Loki always attempted courses beyond his skill level to keep up with Thor, and more often than not he ended up on his face.
"I have been falling for thirty minutes!" he declared.
"I'm sure you're overestimating just a bit," Thor replied. "Aren't you supposed to be with Mor?"
"This route seemed more fun." He dusted snow off the front of his coat and looked up at Thor expectantly.
"No." Thor shut that down immediately. "You are not following me around all day and getting yourself hurt doing a slope way too hard for you."
"I can do it!" Loki insisted.
"Nope. You're sticking with Mor because she doesn't like the more intense ones."
"But Mor and Far said you needed to be supervised."
"I am. Far followed right behind me, but he finished first. He's over there." Thor pointed out their father standing a few meters away, watching their interaction. He waved, and Thor waved back. Shoving Loki in front of him, Thor marched over and asked Far to help him find Mor so they could hand Loki off.
"If he wants to ski with you, he can. Challenging yourself is good," Far said.
"But what if he gets hurt?" Thor asked.
"He's not the one I'm worried about potentially getting hurt. How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Thor insisted. It was true. He felt the exact opposite of how he felt after a big seizure. Instead of tired and achy, he felt doubly energized and practically invincible. "I'm gonna do another one." He headed off to the chair lift, Loki at his heels. The entire day elapsed without so much as an absence seizure to threaten Thor's perfect day. At least, he didn't think he had any. Maybe he was so good at skiing that even the epileptic side of his brain knew how to do it. In fact, throughout the entire trip he had next to no signs of irregular brain activity. If that wasn't enough to convince Mor and Far to let them live here all the time, then nothing ever would.
Of course, school was a thing they all had to do, so living at the cabin full-time wasn't plausible. Thor shelved that idea for later in his life. After he seized at school that one time, word traveled, and pretty much everyone knew. Occasionally he got curious looks, but for the most part they treated him just the same. Sif told him that she and the boys had gotten lessons on what to do if he had a seizure from Mor and Far. Thor was relieved he didn't have to teach them himself.
"Where's your bracelet?" Hogun asked him at lunch on Friday. Thor glanced down at his bare wrist and muttered some unkind things about his brother.
"Loki's always taking it. He must have nabbed it this morning and I didn't notice." Thor considered journeying to his brother's classroom to get it back, but decided it could wait. He was at school where everyone knew he had epilepsy anyway. Plus, Loki might not even have it on him. Sure enough, at the end of the day Thor asked Loki if he took it and he fished through his backpack and handed it over.
"If Mor ever catches you doing this, you'll be in so much trouble," Thor warned.
"Are you going to tell on me?"
"No. Just stop doing it."
"Okay. I promise."
Thor rolled his eyes. As quick-witted as Loki was, the definition of the word promise failed to stick in his head. Loki only failed miserably at two things in life: lying and keeping promises.
At eight o'clock that night, Thor wandered into the kitchen for his meds. In the beginning he needed to set a timer or have Mor remind him, but now the action was so routine he found himself making his way here every morning and night before consciously thinking about why. The pill case had fourteen compartments, two for each day of the week. Thor popped open the one for tonight and nearly dropped the case in shock when he found it empty.
"Mor!" he called. Thor racked his brain for a reason for them to disappear. He definitely hadn't taken any since this morning. Did he have some crazy new type of absence seizure and take them without even knowing it? Mor's footsteps approached just as Thor realized with growing dread that the pills were missing from several other compartments for later in the week.
"What's wrong?" Mor asked, picking up on Thor's frantic tone. He turned to her and found his own fear reflected in her eyes.
"My pills are gone." He handed her the case so she could see the emptied compartments.
"Where could they have gone?"
"I don't know!"
"Hela! Loki! Odin! Get in here!" she called. "Thor, just refill the case from the bottles and take tonight's dose. We'll figure this out."
The rest of the Odinsons tramped into the kitchen, Far looking both confused and concerned, Hela annoyed, and Loki uncharacteristically nervous. "Some of Thor's pills went missing," Mor explained with surprising calm. "Does anyone know what could've happened to them?"
"No," Hela affirmed. "Can I go now?"
"No, you may not."
"I have no idea where they could've gone," Far said. "Thor, are you sure you filled the whole case at the beginning of the week?"
"I'm sure," Thor stated. "I always fill up the whole thing."
"Loki? Do you know something?" Mor asked knowingly. Only now did Thor notice his brother shuffling his feet uncomfortably. Loki shook his head, but without looking Mor in the eye. As sneaky as he could be, Loki had yet to master the art of lying. Everyone in the family knew his tells.
"Loki," Mor repeated. "Did you steal them?"
"No," he stated.
"The truth, Loki," Far demanded.
"I didn't steal!" he insisted.
"Then what did you do with them?" Mor questioned. Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror. "You didn't take them, did you?" When Loki didn't respond, she reiterated, "Loki, did you swallow them?"
With every hesitant nod of Loki's head, Thor's stomach dropped. He didn't know much about the consequences of a non-epileptic taking multiple doses of anti-convulsants, but he knew they couldn't be good. Mor and Far's reactions only made him feel worse. Loki was now in danger—and it was all because of Thor.
"How long ago?" Mor asked.
Loki shrugged. "An hour or so."
"Why?" was the only word Thor could force his mouth to make.
He looked like he was about to start crying. "Why did you do it?" Mor repeated.
"I only ever wanted to be your equal," Loki muttered, lifting his head just enough to briefly meet Thor's gaze. Now the tears began falling, and he rushed at Mor and wrapped his arms around her waist.
"What do we do?" Far questioned. "We have no idea what they could do to him."
"Let's take him to the hospital and call the neurologist on the way," Mor replied. She pried Loki off of her and guided him towards the door. Thor moved to follow, scared half to death over what could happen to his little brother, but Far stopped him.
"You stay here with Hela," he instructed.
"But I want to make sure he's okay!" Thor countered.
"We'll keep you updated." Leaving no time for further argument, he followed Mor out the door and slammed the door in Thor's face. Thor stared, shocked by everything that just happened. Loki took Thor's medicine because he wanted to be more like him? What a horrible sentiment. How could Loki want something he knew imposed pain and limitations on his brother? Not only that, but want it enough to take Thor's meds in secret? Repeatedly stealing the bracelet Thor could understand. It was shiny and kind of cool-looking, and Loki had always found joy in taking his brother's things. But this took it to a whole new level.
"Thor?" Hela's voice broke him out of his reverie.
"Yeah?"
"I thought you were seizing. You've been staring at that door since they left."
"It wasn't a seizure." At least, he didn't think so. He'd gotten pretty good at recognizing when he had an absence, but he easily could've missed it given how rattled he was. "Do you…do you think Loki's gonna be okay?"
"Yeah," Hela assured him. Thor had never heard her express such genuine caring. "Mor and Far know what they're doing. He's gonna be fine."
"But what if he's not? It would be all my fault!"
"No, it's not your fault. If anything, you saved him because you noticed the pills were gone and that helped us figure it out so fast."
"But if it weren't for me, the pills wouldn't even be around for him to find."
Hela took his hand and led him to sit on the sofa. She whistled for Fenris, and the dog tucked himself against the base of the couch so Thor could run a hand through his soft fur. The calming effect of petting Fenris brought him back from the brink of tears.
"Thor, you can't blame yourself for the way you are. Loki looks up to you, though for the life of me I can't imagine why, and he'll do anything he can to be more like you. Unfortunately, he overshot it, but you did nothing wrong."
"If he knew what epilepsy felt like, he wouldn't want to be like me in that way," Thor sighed.
"Yeah, you're probably right. Not a day goes by that I don't wish you didn't have to deal with this."
"Is that just because it's harder to make fun of me without feeling bad about it?" Thor asked with a hint of a grin.
"No. I still make fun of you, and you know it," she replied. "But I don't like seeing you suffer, and neither does Loki."
"Thanks. You're not so bad when you get touchy-feely like that."
"Gross. Now I want to take it back."
"Nope. You said something nice to me. What's done is done."
"Fine. But you're still annoying."
"Good. Annoying you is one of my main goals in life."
"Mission accomplished, little brother."
His sister showing him any emotion besides vexation or scorn almost distracted him from worrying about Loki. Hela turned on the television and while they watched in near-silence, Thor kept glancing at Hela's cell phone wondering when Mor and Far would call to update them. It wasn't until a full two hours later that Mor called. Thor watched Hela hold up her end of the conversation and strained to hear what Mor was saying on the other end. Hela nodded along and said a few curt yeses before hanging up.
"They had to pump his stomach," she informed him. "He's not happy, but he's going to be fine."
Thor heaved a sigh of relief. They were keeping Loki until morning for observation, Hela continued, but they were confident he avoided any serious damage because they caught it so quickly. Mor stayed with Loki while Far returned home. Thor gave him a massive hug the likes of which he hadn't initiated in at least five years.
"He's really okay?" Thor asked pleadingly.
"Yes, Thor, he's okay. You don't have to worry. Now let's get you to bed."
"Okay." Bedtime was much stricter now that they knew lack of sleep exacerbated his seizures, but Thor didn't mind. In a given day, he usually burned up enough energy that he was exhausted and wanting to sleep by the time night rolled around. Now that he knew his brother wasn't in danger anymore, he fell asleep within minutes of Far wishing him goodnight.
~0~
Thor awoke bright and early Saturday morning, and it took him a few moments to remember all that happened the night before. He glanced to the side, where most Saturday mornings Loki could be found reading a book, but his bed remained empty. Shuffling into the living room, Thor asked Far when they were due home.
"They should be here in a few hours," he assured. Those were some of the longest hours of Thor's life. He perked up at every slight sound outside, thinking it was Mor arriving home with Loki, and when the door finally did slide open, Thor raced to it. Loki looked a little gray, but otherwise unharmed, and he refused to meet Thor's eye.
"I'm glad you're home," Thor said amiably, hoping to earn at least a half a smile from his little brother.
Loki shuffled his feet and retreated another step behind Mor. He muttered, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Thor assured. "I'm just glad you're alright. As long as you know never to do it again."
"I won't. I promise."
"Is that a real promise or a fake one?"
"Real."
"If you say so."
Loki remained uncharacteristically muted the entire day. Thor tried to get him to play outside, to play a card game, to watch a movie together, to do anything at all, but he refused every single offer.
"Why don't you just give up?" Hela suggested. "If Loki all of a sudden started ignoring me, I would probably celebrate."
"I don't want him to be sad," Thor said simply. "I don't like it when anyone is sad."
"How'd you end up with all the heart in this family?"
"I dunno," Thor shrugged. "Maybe it's to make up for my faulty brain."
Hela nodded curtly, accepting of this answer, then headed off to her own room. Thor squared his shoulders and decided he'd bring Loki out of this funk no matter what it took. He found him exactly where he'd last seen him: curled up on his bed with a book he hadn't turned the pages of in at least twenty minutes.
"Loki, I'm not mad at you," Thor began, in case fear of his big brother's anger was part of the reason Loki had closed himself off.
"I know," Loki replied.
Encouraged now that he'd gotten a verbal response, Thor continued. "Then why won't you play with me? Are you still feeling sick?"
"It varies from moment to moment."
"Maybe doing something with me will help take your mind off it. Sometimes forcing myself to do things even when I'm aching after a seizure actually makes me feel better."
"I didn't have a seizure. That's your thing."
"I know, but that doesn't mean you can't feel bad sometimes for other reasons."
"I don't want to feel bad. But I don't want you to feel bad either."
"You could make me feel better right now if you stop moping."
"I just mean…I wish things were like they used to be. Before you had epilepsy."
Thor faltered. He didn't think his life was all that different post-epilepsy, and he never stopped to consider any difference in his family's lives. They still did all the same things they used to, just with some extra precautions. "I'm sorry," he began. "If I could change it, I would, but I can't do that."
"You never got upset about it. You just accepted it. I couldn't do that if it was me."
"I'll bet you could. It's easier than you think. You just have to focus on everything you can do, not what you can't."
"I wish I could be as positive as you are."
"You could do it; it just takes a little practice."
"Will you help me?"
"Of course."
"How do I start?"
"What's one good thing that happened after I got diagnosed?"
Loki pondered this for a long time before he finally answered. "Well…before, you never needed me for anything. But now I feel like I can protect you and help you just like you do for me."
"I like that answer."
Notes:
Baby Loki and brotherly love, two of my favorite things :)
Chapter 6: Ragnarok
Notes:
So...I was working on the epilogue of the sequel the other day. Before anybody yells at me, I am NOT writing the sequel in order, so that does not mean I am almost done. Far from it, actually. Even with over 60k words already written I still have a lot to cover. Most of that content is just Steve, Bucky, and Tony. I've barely touched the arcs of Nat, Thor, Bruce, Parker, Clint, Nick, and Quill, if at all, but I will get to them eventually. At this rate it's probably going to end up being even bigger than the original Gravesen story, which is fine by me. Hope it's fine by you. I just wanted to say that y'all better stick around because the conclusion I have planned is beyond epic :)
Chapter Text
Four years passed without much change. Thor seized about once or twice a month, but at this point it was just as much a part of normal life for the Odinsons as one of them having an ordinary headache. He did sustain the occasional mild concussion, but since Far and Hela moved the rock he avoided any as severe as that first one. So far he'd only seized at the cabin once. He'd been swimming in the fjord, but Far had been there and kept his head safely above water until it was over. For something that had scared them more than any other aspect of epilepsy, it wasn't even all that bad. In fact, water was a much more forgiving surface than the ground to bash his limbs against. He'd napped for an hour afterwards and was right back in the water.
Thor moved on to lower secondary school, which was much more difficult than primary, but at least all his friends moved along with him. Hela entered upper secondary school and started learning to drive, a prospect which excited her endlessly. Any opportunity to increase her independence she pounced on. Loki developed into a merciless and frighteningly efficient prankster. Gone were the days of him stealing drawers out of Thor's dresser, replaced by days like today.
Thor was busy doing homework when he heard a strange rustling coming from his bed. Far more interested in that than his math work, Thor stood from his desk and went to investigate. A coil of something dark stuck out from under his pillow, but then disappeared. Thor picked up the pillow to reveal a snake sitting innocently atop his sheets.
"Cool!" he exclaimed, reaching slowly towards the reptile. Something brushed against his shin as his fingers ran over the scales, but he thought nothing of it. Whether or not it was venomous, Thor didn't know, but it didn't show any signs of agitation even as Thor picked it up. For several minutes, he just gazed into its eyes, wondering how it found its way into their house.
Suddenly the strange sensation near his feet turned to pain and he felt a drop of warm liquid drip down his leg. "What the hell?" He took a step back and glanced down, catching sight of a hand rapidly retracting under the bed. "Loki," he growled. Thor set the snake back on the bed, crouched down, and reached out to wrap a hand around Loki's ankle just as he tried to crawl away. Thor yanked him backwards with so much force he nearly hit his head on the way out from under the bed. Loki rolled over and hopped to his feet, prepared to run away, but Thor laid a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Why?" he asked plainly. Now that Thor could pause to look, he observed most of the hair missing from his legs, a few nicks from Loki's unpracticed hand bleeding slowly but steadily.
"I thought it would be fun," Loki said with a shrug.
"Snakes, maybe. But this," he gestured to his mangled shins, "Is most definitely not fun."
"Do you think Mor will let us keep the snake?" he asked, tactfully changing the subject.
"Probably not. Where'd you even find it?"
"In the yard."
"Well I'm going to put him back." Thor picked the snake back up and headed for the door, but Mor intercepted him.
"What the hell is going on here?! Did that thing bite you?" she questioned, the fury and fear in her voice blending into a potent combination.
"No," Thor assured her. "It was Loki."
"Loki bit you?"
"No!" Loki defended, coming to a stop beside Thor.
"Explain. Now."
"I left the snake under his pillow so he'd be distracted, then I shaved his legs. But it' not a venomous snake, I swear! It's just a grass snake. Perfectly safe."
Mor pinched the bridge of her nose in despair and muttered some words she would've punished Thor for saying. "Loki, take the snake outside. Thor, sit down in the kitchen and let me clean you up. I don't know whose razor he used, but if it's your father's, then I doubt it's very clean."
Thor handed the snake off and Loki trudged out the door with his head down. Mor waved him into the kitchen and fetched the first aid kit. He propped his feet up on another chair and let her dress his wounds. The cuts weren't particularly deep, but they were numerous.
"How did you not feel these?" she asked, exasperated.
"I was too focused on the snake," Thor admitted.
"That's ridiculous."
"I have a high pain tolerance," he tried.
"That I believe."
She'd almost finished his left leg when Thor started to feel funny. It had been several weeks since his last tonic-clonic, but he'd recognize that feeling any day. "Mor, I need to lie down now." He got most of the way there before he blacked out. It wasn't a particularly long seizure, but the stress of that combined with her ire towards Loki ensured that Mor was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. She put Hela in charge of dinner, which always ended one of two ways: the house nearly burning down, or someone getting food poisoning. At the last second, Thor finagled his way into getting invited to Volstagg's for dinner. Now Volstagg's parents knew how to cook.
~0~
"Guess who can legally drive now?" Hela asked, parading into the house like a queen returned from exile.
"Based on your demeanor, probably you," Loki snapped.
"That's right. I am now and forever your only non-parent option for chauffeuring."
"You don't have to rub it in," Thor grumbled. Mor and Far's rule number five—and the law—forbade him from ever driving. When he was younger it didn't really bother him, but now that his big sister had reached such an important milestone it stung to know he'd never be able to proudly announce passing his own driver's test. He would always rely on friends, family, and paid taxi drivers to get him where he needed to go. Now that he thought about it, that unfortunate fact took a sizeable chunk out of his personal freedom.
"We should celebrate," Far insisted. "Hela, what do you want to do?"
"Well, seeing as this particular accomplishment marks my independence, I'd like to do something by myself."
Thor and Loki exchanged a quick smirk, glad they wouldn't be forced into spending quality family time with their sister. Mor and Far conceded to Hela's wish, and she grabbed the car keys and fled right back out the door. "I suppose we should have expected that," Mor sighed. "What do you boys want to do?"
"Let's watch a movie," Loki suggested.
"What do you have in mind?"
"Alien."
"I'm not sure that's appropriate for someone your age."
"Oh come on, it's an older movie. The special effects aren't realistic enough for it to be scary," Loki countered.
"He doesn't get easily scared by things. Just let him watch it," Thor said. He knew how stubborn Loki could be, especially on anything related to the subject of his age disqualifying him from things, and he didn't want to hear him give a four point speech on why Mor and Far should permit him to do it.
"Alright, but you're absolutely forbidden from coming into our room in the middle of the night if you're frightened."
"Since Thor vouched for you, he can be in charge of calming you down if you wake up from a nightmare."
"I'm not going to have a nightmare," Loki insisted.
"Well, start it up then," Far prompted.
"Did you check the epilepsy guidelines?" Mor questioned.
"Yes, Mor, Thor can watch it."
Thor settled on the couch between Loki and Mor while Far fiddled with the volume settings. Fenris padded into the room and curled up in his favorite spot in front of the sofa. The movie began and, while Loki was thoroughly engrossed, Thor found himself bored with the lack of action in the first hour. All they did was walk around their spaceship and talk. The parts that did contain action, though, were awesome. When the creature sprang from the guy's chest, Thor felt the entire sofa shake as every single one of them jumped. Loki wrapped his hand around Thor's without even realizing it. By the time they reached the climax of the film, Thor was squeezing Loki's hand back just as tightly.
Then things started to go wrong.
The final chase scene took place on the spaceship…amid bright, rhythmically flashing lights. By the time Thor thought to avert his gaze, it was too late. He woke up in the hospital what they told him was nearly twenty four hours later.
"You seized for almost ten minutes," Mor informed him, running a hand lovingly over his aching head.
"Ten?" Thor had never, in the four years since his diagnosis, exceeded five minutes of actively seizing. Ten was completely unheard of. Now that he was aware enough to catalogue his body, he believed her. Everything hurt twice as much as it usually did. Scratch that—three times.
He thought it couldn't get any worse than that.
His absence seizures worsened until Thor felt like he was zoned out more often than not. He had another tonic-clonic less than twenty-four hours after waking up from the last one, and then another one twelve hours after that. They hadn't ever been this bad, not in all four years since his diagnosis. Thor didn't understand why this was happening, and he wanted to scream and cry from the frustration of it all. The EEG monitoring stayed on, and everything ached so fiercely that Thor couldn't even bemoan the need to stay in bed. He spent most of his time seizing in one form or another anyways.
"I can't explain it. The anticonvulsants just aren't working anymore. His brain waves are all over the place and we can't keep flooding him with diazepam."
"Then what can we do?" Far asked.
"Nothing here. But there are people who know more about this than I do. I have a colleague, Dr. Wong, who might be able to help. He's a neurologist who has dedicated much of his career to epilepsy research."
"How quickly can we get Thor in to see him?" Mor questioned. Thor could just make out the conversation through the fog clouding his brain, but he doubted they knew he could hear them. Mor's hand remained wrapped around his, and she squeezed it periodically as the discussion continued.
"I've already contacted him and he's available to see Thor as soon as you can get to him. But he works out of Gravesen Hospital in New York City."
"America?" Far confirmed.
"I'm afraid so. If you don't want to send him so far, I understand, but Dr. Wong is the best chance we have at getting these seizures under control. I'm worried about brain damage if this continues."
"I think we'll talk to him about it before we decide," Mor stated.
"Very well. Let me know when you've made up your minds."
"Thank you."
Thor heard the doctor step out, then Mor's hand squeezed his more intently and she asked him to wake up. He didn't want to open his eyes because the light made his head ache worse, but he did it for Mor and Far's sake.
"I heard all of it," Thor informed them.
"You did? What do you think?" Mor asked.
"I want to go," he affirmed.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Even if we can't all stay there with you?" Far inquired. Thor didn't consider at first that his family would stay here, and it did make him pause. He didn't know how long he'd be in the hospital with Dr. Wong, but it would probably be longer than he'd ever been away from his parents and siblings. Was it worth it to possibly end this ceaseless cycle of seizures? Definitely.
"Will one of you at least be there the first few days?" he asked.
"Of course," Far promised. "I'll come with you. I'm sure Mor and Hela can hold down the fort until I return."
"Okay. Let's do it then."
~0~
Once travel plans were arranged and Thor's bags were packed by Mor at home, all that remained was to say goodbye. Far brought Hela and Loki to the hospital and they waited there until Thor was awake enough to listen to them.
"I can't believe you're leaving me alone with Loki," Hela said. She sounded outwardly grumpy, but Thor could tell she was sincerely trying to lighten the mood. Loki whacked her in the bicep and Thor smiled.
"Sorry," he said. "I just couldn't stand one more day with you two."
"I can see why," Hela quipped.
"Take good care of Fenris while I'm gone, okay?"
"You got it."
"Why do you have to go?" Loki asked despairingly. "I don't want you to leave."
"I don't want to leave either, but I have to. But when I get back, I'll be all better," Thor told him.
"Promise?"
Though he didn't know for sure that this would work, he figured hope would be more helpful to his brother than realism. "I promise. And maybe one day you can visit me and see New York City."
"Okay. I'll miss you. Everything feels darker when you're not around."
"I'll be back before you know it."
"And the sun will shine on us again."
"You bet." Thor could never compete with his brother's mastery of figurative language. If he didn't grow up to be a criminal, maybe he'd be a poet or a playwright.
Mor was the last of the Odinsons to offer her goodbyes. She hugged Thor longer than she ever had before and made him promise to behave himself.
"I'm not Loki," Thor reminded her.
"All boys go looking for trouble when their mothers aren't around to tell them off," she said.
"I promise I'll behave."
"Good. And you'll call?"
"If I can stay awake and seizure-free long enough. I'm sure the people at Gravesen will keep you updated."
"I know, but I'm going to miss talking to you."
"I'll be back before you know it," Thor repeated.
"No. I already know it and you haven't even left yet. I love you."
"Love you too." Thor subjected himself to another excessively long hug, knowing that Mor needed this. Maybe, just maybe, Thor needed it too.
Chapter 7: Einherjar
Notes:
Prequel Preview time! This one is called the White Wolf. "Before Gravesen, Bucky grew up adjacent to his best friend's chronic illness. He understood more about that world than most kids his age, but he never imagined he'd become a part of it."
Some highlights include; varsity soccer, copious sarcasm, and the Howling Commandoes...reimagined! I look forward to sharing that story with you after Bruce's. Between writing that and some of the sequel material, Bucky actually become one of my all-time favorite characters in this AU. Until then, please enjoy the conclusion of Lightning in a Bottleneck.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Thor seized twice on the flight over the Atlantic. Then again in his new hospital room. He was disappointed he didn't get a chance to see any of the city, but Far promised they'd go sightseeing once his epilepsy was back under control. Those first few days were a blur, since Dr. Wong wanted him weaned off all his anticonvulstants so he could analyze his brain wave patterns without anything in his system. Actually, Thor didn't remember much of the first two weeks at Gravesen because he spent a lot of it unconscious. Far went back home on day five, when Thor assured him he'd be fine on his own. The nurses here were incredibly kind and there were other kids here, though Thor hadn't yet met them. He was essentially on bedrest and lockdown until Dr. Wong could come up with a plan. His seizures were so unpredictable that Thor didn't even want to leave the safety of his bed.
Sometimes he heard laughter in the hallway and missed his friends. Saying goodbye to them had been almost as hard as saying it to his family. They texted him well wishes most days, which was nice, when Thor was awake enough to read them. Responding, though, required more energy than he possessed.
At last, after studying forty eight hours of brain activity in an unmedicated Thor, Dr. Wong laid out the plan. There existed a new drug for juvenile absence epilepsy, a title doctors still applied to Thor even though his case was like no other and likely represented a rare, as-yet-unnamed condition. Dr. Wong was going to wean in this drug and see how Thor responded.
"Sounds great," Thor said. It took another week for him to notice a decrease in seizure activity, and the team lifted his lockdown as long as he promised not to wander too far and to take it easy.
Eager to stretch his long-dormant legs, Thor took a walk the second he heard the news. The hallway was abandoned, but he heard laughter and conversation coming from a room down the hall and headed right for it. He found a bright, cheery-looking room filled with couches, chairs, a large TV, and a table around which sat four kids about his age, deeply engrossed in the game before them.
"Rogers, hand over that Longest Road," a short-haired girl demanded. A slim teenage boy wearing oxygen handed her a piece of cardboard with a grumble. The other two players, a younger boy with far too little meat on his bones and a boy in a football-patterned beanie, both high-fived the girl. Thor surmised that these must be his fellow patients here.
"Look, it's the newbie!" the girl announced excitedly. "Rogers, you know what that means."
"Don't say it," he implored.
"The ol' Rogers Razzle Dazzle," she and the boy with the beanie said in unison.
"I hate you," the boy grumbled.
"We know," the girl replied. Meanwhile, Thor stood a few feet away from the table, completely confused as to what they were talking about. Should he introduce himself? Before he could decide what to say, the girl stood and started talking to him.
"Carol Danvers," she began. "Resident patient, former prospective Air Force Academy applicant, and electrical misfire waiting to happen."
"You've already used that line," the one she'd called Rogers grumbled.
The introduction was so forward, so practiced, and said with such confidence that Thor found himself at a loss for words—for thoughts even. All he knew was that he respected the hell out of this girl even after such a brief interaction. She reminded him of Sif. This one coherent thought migrated to his mouth and before he knew it he'd blurted out, "I like this one."
Carol smiled. "I like you too. What's your name?"
"Thor."
"Like the god?" the smaller boy piped up.
"Exactly," Thor said with a grin.
"That's so cool!"
"Thank you."
"I'm Peter."
"Nice to meet you." Thor turned to the other two boys."
"I'm Steve, and this is Bucky," the oxygen-wearing boy said. Bucky waved.
"You caught us in the middle of a game," Carol explained. "If you want to learn, you can play on my team and I'll teach you."
"Sure. Thanks." Thor pulled up a chair between Carol and Peter and surveyed the board before them. It looked like the sort of game Loki would like. As they played, Carol and Steve helped explain the rules while also sustaining small talk around the table.
"That's a cool accent," Bucky remarked. "You Swedish?"
"Norwegian," Thor answered.
"That's really far from here," Peter said. "Is your family still there?"
"Yeah. My parents, my sister, and my brother. And our dog, Fenris."
"I'm sorry you have to be so far away from them."
"Are you far from your family?" Thor asked.
The postures of everyone around the table immediately stiffened and the playful energy evaporated. Thor wondered what he'd said to warrant such a reaction.
"It's complicated," Peter sighed weakly. "Can we leave it at that for now?"
"Of course." He felt horrible for stumbling into what was obviously a touchy subject for the kid.
"So, what brings you here?" Carol asked him.
Thor remembered how she'd introduced herself and answered, "Electrical misfire that already happened. Many times."
"Heart trouble?" Steve asked.
"Epilepsy," Thor corrected. "Brain trouble."
"Like a lightning storm in your head?" Peter asked curiously.
"Not quite." Lightning storms were beautiful and elegant; epilepsy was neither. It was ugly, frustrating, and rare. "It's less…cool than that."
Carol attempted to sum it up, "More like lightning in a bottleneck?"
"That's a clever way to put it," Thor remarked.
"Thank you."
"Whose turn is it?" Bucky asked, bringing everyone's attention back to the game.
"Mine!" Peter shouted. Turns out he was so excited because he won the game on that turn.
"Damn, I was so close," Bucky complained. "Good game."
"Thanks," Peter replied.
Steve helped them clean up the game for a few minutes, but then his phone buzzed with a text. He read it quickly and announced, "My dad's here. I'll see you guys later."
"Later Rogers," Carol said.
"Wait, he just gets to leave?" Thor questioned.
"I'm not technically a patient right now," Steve explained.
"Then why—?" Thor cut himself off before he could embarrass himself again by asking a rude question. Based on Steve's appearance, he'd just assumed he was a patient here.
"Why the oxygen?" Steve either read Thor's mind, or he got that question often enough to expect it. Thor nodded and Steve continued, "I'm healthy enough not to be in the hospital for the time being, but my lungs have taken a lot of beatings in my lifetime and they need a little extra help. I just visit every week to see my friends."
"And to brag about being able to leave whenever he wants," Bucky added.
"I do not brag. But I do have to go. It was nice to meet you Thor."
"You too."
Carol slid the lid onto the red box and returned it to the closet. Then, she turned to Thor with an eager glint in her eye. "Now that you're up and about, you can add your name to the gauntlet," she announced. Bucky and Peter perked up and waited expectantly. She explained the concept to him, showing off all the other names on the list and describing what each of the six categories meant. Thor wrote his name in the next empty slot and handed power, time, reality, and space to Thanatos. He held onto mind and soul. The other three patients nodded their approval. Knowing this hospital housed some really nice kids his own age made Thor miss home just a little bit less.
~0~
They had a good thing going, the four of them. Carol and Peter were always here, and Bucky most of the time. Steve visited every weekend plus one day during the week, and they always had fun together playing games, watching movies, or just talking about life and making each other laugh. If there was one thing they all managed to do despite their circumstances, it was making each other laugh. The young leukemia patient down the hall, Natasha, was released to mingle among them after spending nearly a month in isolation. She also reminded Thor of Sif in all the best—and scariest—ways.
More newbies flooded the ward: Nick and Clint—who had been here before and weren't even technically newbies—Bruce, and Quill. Thor met him for the first time in the common room on therapy dog day. He sat peacefully petting Rocket when this awkward kid with a shaved patch on his head joined him, humming some old annoying song under his breath.
"Hi," Thor greeted. He remembered how happy he'd been when the residents here welcomed him, so he thought he ought to pay it forward to this kid.
"Hey," he said.
"I'm Thor."
"I'm Peter, but I hear there's another one of those here, so you can call me Quill."
"Okay, Quill. What brings you here?"
"The dogs, duh."
"Not to this room," Thor amended. "To the hospital."
"You mean what's wrong with me?"
"Yeah, I guess." Thor hadn't wanted to put it that bluntly.
"You want the short version or the long one?"
"Whichever you feel like telling."
"Well, it all started when I had a seizure."
"Me too!" Thor interjected.
"I'm not sure why that excites you. It was the worst."
"I've just never met anyone else who's had one."
"Well, it sucked."
"I know. I've probably had close to a hundred of them in the past four years."
"It's not a contest."
"No, I know. I was just saying. But if it was a competition, just by raw number of seizures, I win."
"Whatever," Quill continued. "After that, they scanned my brain and found a whopper of a tumor. Turns out the kind I have runs in families."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Who else in your family had one?"
"My mom. She died from hers when I was nine."
"That's awful. I'm so sorry."
"Thanks. It is what it is. Being with her will be my only consolation if this whole post-surgery chemo and radiation thing doesn't work out."
Thor had never heard anyone say something so morbid in such a relaxed manner, even Carol. Frankly, it made him uncomfortable. He rushed to change the subject. "I love these markings around Rocket's eyes. They make him look like a rabbit."
Quill snorted. "Did you just say rabbit?"
"Yeah. Vaskebjørn…rabbit."
"I think you mean raccoon."
"Oh yeah! For whatever reason I can never keep those two words straight."
"For the record, I'm never letting you live that down."
"Fair enough," Thor sighed.
~0~
Living on the ward was somewhat reminiscent of a boarding school, the only major difference being the health of the residents. He called his family every afternoon (evening Tønsberg time) and updated them on how he was doing. Mor and Far talked about work, Hela said a cursory hello and handed the phone on, and Loki rambled about everything he did that day until Mor cut him off so he could get to bed on time. Thor attended school four days a week with the Ancient One, a scary woman who taught with such intensity he thought her bald head might crack like an egg, in a group with the other kids his age: Bucky, Carol, Quill, and Bruce. It was marginally less boring than school back in Norway, and the stakes were much lower. No one expected that much of them since they all had much more important things to focus on.
But even school stopped for a while when Carol died. Thor had never known anyone his age to pass away, and it hurt more than any post-seizure headache. Watching Steve, Bucky, and Parker, the ones who had known her the longest, react to her loss was heartbreaking. After the informal ceremony where Steve transferred her Xs to Thanatos, Thor seized without warning and hit his head on one of the chairs in his room badly enough to draw blood. He was glad for the unconsciousness which brought a break, however short, from the grief gnawing at his gut. The mood on the ward darkened, the residents still talking to each other but with far less ease and joy than before. Two weeks after it happened, Thor sat in his room alone, hating every second of it because he couldn't stop missing her. In a desperate effort to arouse something other than despair in his friends, he texted the group asking if anyone wanted to play Catan. He'd gotten rather good at the game since he arrived here, it being their go-to over any other game in the common room closet.
He made his way to the common room and set the board up completely randomly to make it more difficult. Quill, Bucky, and Natasha answered his summons and they began to play. The normalcy of the activity brought back some of their old lightness, and by the time Steve dragged in the new patient, they were smiling and joking just like before. Thor rather thought Carol would be proud of them.
Notes:
Of course I managed to work in Thor calling Rocket a rabbit. I couldn't resist the temptation. Nor could I avoid the line "I like this one," it was too iconic to leave out.
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