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Dining At The Ritz

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"Angel, be a doll and order more of that delicious devil cake please?" Crowley asks. "Of course dear boy," Aziraphale replies.

Castiel looks pointedly at Dean, who's elegantly stuffing his face. "Why don't you call me angel?" he asks.

Dean swallows his mouthful of food (he does have manners Sam, atleast in decent company). "Angels are dicks. Except for you Aziraphale, you're awesome."

"You seem to very much like this angel dick," Cas retorts.

Unfortunately for Dean, he had just taken a sip of beer. Half of it sprays out of his mouth, while the other half makes a break for his trachea. He chokes, the force of his hacking knocking him out of his chair. Dean decides that this will be the end of him, because there is no heterosexual response to that and he is not coming out at The Ritz.

"I did not pull you out of Hell and die for you multiple times for you to pass away due to choking," Cas admonishes. With two fingers, he stops Dean from dying. 

Disappointed, Dean gets back into his chair. "Wouldn't be the first time, according to Sam." he mumbles, picking at his food. 

"Yes, I gathered just as much from Gabriel. Killing you 109 times is..., well, overkill." Castiel sighs.

"You think? I don't even remember dying, but Sam was there everytime. Poor kid was probably traumatized, though you wouldn't know it when we went to Purgatory. He didn't even look for us!" Dean grumbles.

Aziraphale and Crowley stare at them in shock. "Purgatory?" Aziraphale asks. "You died?!" Crowley yelps.

"Oh! Yeah, well, Sam and I thought we were hunting a trickster in this one town, and then I got shot and died, according to Sam. And he woke up, and it was Tuesday again. Everytime I died, it would be Tuesday again. And Sam remembered every death. See, I'd sold my soul to a demon to bring Sam back from the dead and was getting ready to be dragged down by Hellhounds. And Gabriel was trying to get him desensitized to my death I guess. Didn't really work. Sam trapped him, and demanded he stop the loop. He did, and it was Wednesday, and then I got shot. And died. And apparently I was dead for six months, which was how long it took for Sam to track down Gabriel. And he made him reverse my death." Dean explains. 

"You went to Hell?"

"Yep! Sold my soul to bring Sam back from the dead and got a year left live in return. And this demon bitch Lilith sicc'd her hounds on me in the end. Hurt like a bitch I tell you. Then Mr. I-Gripped-You-Tight-And-Raised-You-From-Perdition got me out. You see, I'd broken the first of 66 seals, which was what the angels on high wanted; not that Cas had a clue."

"You stabbed me upon our first meeting face to face," Cas grumbles. 

"Hey! If you were a human and some smoking hot nonhuman walked towards you with sparks raining down and you didn't know if he wanted to kill you, wouldn't you stab him?" Dean asks. 

"Probably not, if he'd just raised me from perdition. You humans always attack what you don't understand without confirming whether or not your target is hostile. Assbutts."

"If I recall correctly, you like this human assbutt." Dean retorts. "You do have a nice ass," Cas replies. Dean turns red, and his soul attempts to leave his body. Unfortunately, Cas's wing prevents him from leaving the mortal coil and yanks him back into his body. 

"You are not allowed to leave Earth Dean."

"Worth a try," Dean sighs.

"Are you guys even real?" Crowley asks.