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(if my wishes came true) it would have been you

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thepaintedlady does everyone have that one person in their life who could have been so much more? #no? #just me i guess #anyway it's 3:00 and i really need to sleep

thepaintedlady anonymous asked: So. I hope I’m not crossing any boundaries here, but I could really relate to your last post. And, I guess, I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one. Also, I love your blog! Have a great day! oh no, anon, you are definitely not overstepping any boundaries. it’s very comforting to hear there are others like me, i guess. haha. anyway thanks for sending this in, and if you ever feel like coming off anon and maybe trading stories about that ‘great love’ that could have happened, feel free to hit me up!

have a great day, too!
#asks #answered #anonymous

thepaintedlady my brother’s idea of fun is getting drunk on cactus juice — and that’s all you need to know about him. #why am i related to him??! #just why? #found this in my drafts and decided the world needed to know

thepaintedlady anonymous asked: why is your url thepaintedlady? that’s a really long story, anon. but to summarize, there was a book that my mother used to read to me and my brother when we were kids. the protagonist was this really cool vigilante-esque woman called the painted lady who went around impersonating a spirit (yes, i know!) and helping out people.

that character really stayed with me over all these years, and here i am.
#i strongly recommend the book #it’s called ‘painted blue’ #it has everything #realistic portrayal of war #political intrigue #vigilantes #and a LOVE STORY #i could talk about the blue spirit and the painted lady and their symbolism all day #but i won’t #because i have self control #answered #anonymous

 

Suki 💚

Today 10:15 AM
Katara

Stop

Texting

Pakku

Is

Watching

You

Oh fuck

Thanks Suki

Suki 💚

Today 11:23 AM
He is done teaching, right?

Can we use our phones now??

Yup, done for the day.

What's got you hooked to your phone?

Oh, wait.

Don't tell me.

I know.

It's your secret internet life.

Well well

 

thepaintedlady can this semester of college just end?

thepaintedlady for context, my sexist asshole advanced calculus teacher caught me using my phone in class today. and then proceeded to tell me girls never do well because they always surround themselves with distractions.

to which i told him, good thing i’m not a girl, sir. i haven’t been one in 3 years. i’m a 21 year old woman.

and then, i power walked out of his class.

thepaintedlady sheesh_i_was_only_teasing thepaintedlady for context, my sexist asshole advanced calculus teacher caught me using my phone in class today. and then proceeded to tell me girls never do well because they always surround themselves with distractions.

to which i told him, good thing i’m not a girl, sir. i haven’t been one in 3 years. i’m a 21 year old woman.

and then, i power walked out of his class.
sheesh_i_was_only_teasing B A M F

thepaintedlady okay, nobody asked but since it’s (once again) 3:00 at night and i feel like oversharing on the internet, let me enthral you with my ‘the person that could have been so much more’ story.

(basically, this is going to be a rambling where i lay bare my soul. please feel free to scroll past my mess of emotions.)

alright, before i change my mind—

we met as typically as people in college meet.

at a party.

we were both lurking in the shadows. very uncomfortable with everything that was happening. and, long story short, we talked a lot.

but someone started puking and then we had to cut short our very romantic rendezvous.

flash forward to a few months later, we run into each other on campus. and then we kind of keep running into each other. sometimes accidentally and sometimes not so accidentally.

it’s really hard to explain but i felt like we really connected, you know? there were things in our past that were similar, and we shared a lot of common views and interests.

i don’t know, either i am the most delusional person in the world, or there really was something there. i mean, the way our eyes would meet sometimes and he would shyly smile at me. (i swear i am NOT making this up!)

ugh.

anyway. neither of us really acted on it or anything.

in my defense, i had just ended a very long relationship then, and i guess i kept a lot of feelings repressed within me. like, i actively stopped myself from feeling things and by the time i did let myself feel, it was already too late.

he had started dating someone else, and boy, they had history. like i didn’t even stand a chance. and then he graduated soon after and we kind of lost contact and that’s how it all ended.

sigh.
#also there were other... moments #which i am not going to share on the internet #idk if they can be interpreted as platonic #oh spirits i really am that person #the one who overshares on tumblr #about their personal life #ugh #ok bye #i really should stop logging in here at 3:00 in the night

 

Zuko

Today 1:47 PM
Hey, Zuko here! Um, I don’t know if you still have my number saved but uh, hey nonetheless. It’s been quite some time since we talked. Half a year, I guess? Well, anyway, just wanted to say hi.

Suki 💚

Today 1:49 PM
SUKIII

Ssup

Zuko texted me....?

Adorable Zuko who has your heart?

What 😑

What did he text?

Just hi. Hello. I don't know.

Suki, I am going to tell you something okay? But you will never bring this up again

NEVER

...okay

I was kind of thinking about him last night

This sounds so weird, fuck

Please forget I said anything

This does kind of bring me back to ‘adorable Zuko who has your heart’

Shut up

No

Fuck off

No

Suki!!!!

Okay, I am going to text him

Yes

Zuko

Today 1:47 PM
Hey, Zuko here! Um, I hope you still have my number saved but uh, hey nonetheless. It’s been quite some time since we talked. Half a year, I guess? Well, anyway, just wanted to say hi.

Today 2:58 PM
Hey Zuko! It’s really been a while hehe. How are you doing? (P.S. of course I still have your number saved!)

I’m doing well, thanks. What about you?

I’m doing fine too! College is being a pain in the ass though. I am so jealous of you! You get to work and do REAL things now and I’m still stuck here

Hate to break it to you but the real things suck too.

Ugh Zuko some positivity please

Haha

In that case. It’s just a few more months. And then you’re going to kick up a storm wherever you go.

Thank you but a storm?

Should I take offense to that?

UHK nO.

*Uh no

Not at all

Zuko

I was just kidding

I know

I was too

Oh um. Okay. I'm glad.

I gotta run now. Talk to you later?

Yes, sure

 

thepaintedlady i can be such an idiot at times!!! #sorry internet #not going to give you any more incriminating details #i should really learn to shut up sometimes

thepaintedlady of-pink-auras helloworld soft asks:

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

fin.
#please ask me questions #i need a distraction from my real life

thepaintedlady sheesh_i_was_only_teasing asked: combat boots! combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

i really am not. i tried. i really tried for a long time to be a forgiving person and let go of things in the past that i cannot control at all.

but that's not who i am at all. there are people that i can never forgive and it took me a very long time to understand that it's alright if i don't forgive them.

thing is, i was told time and time again that i should choose forgiveness — that it was the right way forward. and i spent sleepless nights over that because no matter how hard i tried i just couldn’t forgive, and that eventually made me feel like i am a horrible person.

but now, at 21, i think i can finally say that this is who i am. there are parts of me that aren't perfect but i'm at peace with who i am.
#it's a different story that i sometimes worry no one is ever going to see me the way i see myself #lol existential crisis seeping in #also i KNOW i don't need anyone to see me or whatever #but you know #sometimes i can't help but want, i guess #ANYWAY #thanks for the ask! #sheesh_i_was_only_teasing

thepaintedlady of-pink-auras asked: love 💗💖💕 love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

honestly?

i have no idea. i mean, i have only had one serious relationship till now and it did feel like love initially. but looking back, i really don't know if i had fallen in love then. i can say i loved him — i still do, we are really good friends, go figure — but i don’t know if i was ever in love with him, you know?

it’s weird but everytime i think of love i think of all the what ifs of my life. in the sense, i think of all the times i could have fallen in love. all the people who could have been so much more had things like timing been alright.

gah.
#why would you ask me something so introspective?? #just kidding #ily of-pink-auras #you are the best internt best friend a girl could have asked for #*internet #why can't i type? #anyway thanks for the ask! #of-pink-auras

 

Zuko

Today 1:47 AM
Hey, I'm sorry I disappeared. There was an 'emergency' at work. Which is just code for my boss was being a dick. We have a big project coming up next week, and he has been making us work our asses off. I just got home after 12 hours at the office.

Today 2:12 AM
Damn, that does not sound like fun

I think I understand what you meant when you said real work sucks too

But on the bright side, you made it out of it alive.

Did I though?

This could very easily be my spirit.

Sorry, the old Zuko can't come to the phone right now.

Is that... is that...?

Um

😂😂😂

Okay, since we are doing this

Here's my advice for you, sweet winter child

Just shake it off

Just shake it off

Hahaha, that's innovative.

So, um. I see you are still a creature of the night.

I mean, I remember your bloodshot eyes for 8 am lectures.

Haha, yes. Still a poster child for healthy sleeping patterns, what can I say?

I take your new work hours mean you don't get to wake up your roommates at 6:00 anymore?

Oh no, are we back to this again?

Always and forever, Zuko

In my defense, that happened only once.

On our first night together.

Ugh, that sounds wrong.

Zuko

I am going to screenshot this for safekeeping

Why can't the ground just swallow me whole now?

Life's rough, buddy

Again, in my defense, I assumed everyone liked the sunlight, you know?

I was 17 and I was dumb.

Don't flatter yourself

You still are

Ouch, Katara. Must you always hurt me?

I aim to maim, thank you very much.

Okay but seriously, how is work other than your asshole boss?

It's not too bad, actually. I work till the end of this year and then if things work out I should be back in college by next year.

Oh, a masters then?

Yes. I guess I wanted some real experience before pursuing another degree.

That makes a lot of sense

I am so happy for you, Zuko!

Thanks, Katara. But obviously, all of this only works out if every college doesn’t reject my application, haha.

Come on, everyone knows that won't happen

You have so much clarity about what you want to do next

Every college is going to appreciate that

I wish I had as much clarity as you do lol

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

You are the smartest person I know, Katara.

You are too sweet, Zuko.

Haha, whatever happened to 'I aim to maim'?

Now that you mention it

Lol

Ugh it’s almost 3:00. I should sleep now

Class tomorrow

Damn

Good night, Katara.

It was really nice talking to you.

Good night, Zuko

It was really nice talking to you as well

 

thepaintedlady Life is filled with unexpected surprises.

thepaintedlady anonymous asked: Hey! It’s the anon from the other day. The ‘great love’ anon, I guess. So, your post really got me thinking and I mustered the courage to do something about it. And, I'm glad I did. I guess I just wanted to say thanks. that makes me so happy! you have no idea how happy it made me to wake up to this. Ahhh, I feel all warm and fuzzy now!! #asks #answered #anonymous