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You Don't Have To Kiss Me

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The day Tetsurou’s whole life is thrown into disarray is a Sunday.

He’s over at Kenma’s, the way he usually is on Sundays, and they’re sitting comfortably on Kenma’s bed. Well, Tetsurou is sitting comfortably on Kenma’s bed – Kenma is sitting in Tetsurou’s lap.

Tetsurou’s got his arms around Kenma, who’s slumped over somewhat, his forehead resting against Tetsurou’s chest while he plays idly on his PSP.

It’s a somewhat weird position, maybe – usually, when Kenma crawls into Tetsurou’s lap to get cuddles while he plays on his PSP, he’ll have his back rested against Tetsurou’s chest comfortably.

Maybe he’s just trying out a new position, Tetsurou thinks absentmindedly.

He’s trying to decide on whether to put on a movie or get himself a book – both would require letting go of Kenma for a few minutes, which is why he has avoided either option so far – when Kenma suddenly saves his game and lets his PSP drop into his lap.

He looks up and his catlike eyes search Tetsurou’s with a certain intensity, as if he’s looking for something. Tetsurou isn’t sure what, but he leans closer either way, just so he can watch Kenma’s face a little better. (He likes watching Kenma’s face. He especially likes looking into Kenma’s eyes, getting lost in them for minutes at a time. They’re beautiful and deep and golden and Tetsurou could write entire poems about them. Has done so on occasion, actually. Yaku always makes fun of how ‘in love’ Tetsurou is, but Tetsurou is of the firm opinion that it’s not his fault that Yaku hasn’t got a friend he’s this close to.)

Leaning closer seems to be exactly what Kenma is looking for, however, because before Tetsurou can get wonderfully lost in his eyes, Kenma leans upwards a little bit, and then, without warning, his lips slide across Tetsurou’s.

Tetsurou’s mind short-circuits. A second long he does nothing at all, and then he reacts on instinct and shuts his eyes and kisses back. He’s not sure where that instinct has come from – he’s never kissed anyone in his life – but it’s there now.

Kenma’s lips are soft and fit along Tetsurou’s perfectly. Tetsurou can’t help but press in a little closer, and then he feels one of Kenma’s hands fit itself along his cheek, the other coming up to rest at the back of his head, and he can feel himself wrap his arms around Kenma a little tighter.

The slide of Kenma’s lips is like nothing he has ever felt before, and he feels himself getting lost in it, getting lost in Kenma, and then he opens his mouth a bit, and Kenma’s opens too, and their kiss gets a little messier. Tetsurou lets out a quiet whimper that he immediately wants to take back, but Kenma seems to just take that as an invitation to slide his tongue into his mouth and oh. Oh.

Tetsurou whines low in his throat. His hands are grabbing onto Kenma’s shirt, clawing into it, and he needs to be closer, closer, and then – then Kenma gently pulls back.

Tetsurou needs a moment before he can open his eyes and when he does, he just blinks for a few seconds, the room only slowly coming into focus.

Kenma’s cheeks are a little red, and his lips look spit-slicked, and Tetsurou is more confused than he’s ever been in his entire life.

“Kenma?” he says, slowly.

Kenma just hums quietly.

“Is this – is this for practice?” It’s the only reason his mind can conjure up at a moment’s notice. He’s not sure why Kenma would want to practice kissing, of all things, and now, but Kenma seldom does things without a good reason so he must have one.

Kenma shoots him a confused look – which irritates Tetsurou, because why is Kenma the one being confused, he is the one who initiated this, after all!  – and then shrugs his shoulders.

“I guess you could call it that,” he says.

I guess?!, Tetsurou thinks, a little frantically. But then he reminds himself to calm down. Kenma has reasons for the things he does. He barely sees the reason to put effort into anything that isn’t his videogames. Therefore, he must have a good reason to just kiss Tetsurou out of the blue. Practice-kiss Tetsurou out of the blue. That’s an important distinction, he thinks, still feeling somewhat frantic.

“Okay?” Kenma asks, looking at Tetsurou consideringly. Tetsurou thinks it’s a little late to ask now, but then again there are few things Tetsurou wouldn’t be okay with where Kenma’s concerned. And if Kenma wants to practice kissing with him, then he’s okay with that too. He’s comfortable around Kenma, after all. And it had felt really nice to kiss him.  He kind of wants to do it again. (He banishes that thought immediately.)

“Sure,” he says. Kenma smiles a little at him and nods, and Tetsurou thinks that there’s nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for Kenma’s smile. He loves Kenma’s smile.

That’s probably just what happens when you’ve known someone for so long – you just get addicted to their little smiles and mannerisms and want to see them happy and make them smile all the time. His favourite Kenma smile is Kenma’s fond smile, the one Tetsurou only seldomly gets and usually only when Kenma thinks he isn’t looking. Tetsurou wants to bottle that smile up and keep it with him always.

Then his thoughts completely derail, because Kenma presses up again, his lips finding Tetsurou’s for the second time that day. He’s pretty sure he’s incapable of forming complex thoughts when kissing Kenma, and in any case, he doesn’t want to.

This just feels so, so good, and he doesn’t want to focus on anything but the feeling of Kenma’s lips on his.

He loses himself in this, in the slide of Kenma’s mouth, the gentle way Kenma’s tongue invades his mouth and coaxes small noises out of Tetsurou. He presses closer, growing a little bolder himself, and then he slides his own tongue over Kenma’s and it feels so good, and then Kenma whimpers quietly and Tetsurou suddenly feels really, really hot all over. There’s heat uncurling low in his stomach and he just wants to press as close as possible, coax as many noises out of Kenma as possible, never do anything else but this and – oh. Oh no.

He breaks himself away.

He’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to feel this way about kissing his best friend. (Practice-kissing his best friend, he reminds himself.)

But then Kenma makes a little displeased sound and reels Tetsurou back in again, and it’s all he can do to follow along willingly, to give in to the hot slide of Kenma’s mouth. He’s weak and kissing Kenma feels incredible, and he’s got plenty of time to panic about this later.

 

They stay like that for at least half an hour, just making out, until Kenma softly breaks away from Tetsurou and slides off his lap.

“My neck hurts. You’re too tall,” he complains, but there’s a fond expression on his face and his voice sounds rather pleased.

“You’re just tiny,” Tetsurou retorts whilst Kenma lays down on his back and starts his PSP up again.

“Am not,” Kenma pouts.

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Kenma grumbles at him and then shoots Tetsurou a look that is very clearly supposed to tell him he’s too far away.

Tetsurou grins at him and positions himself in a way that will make it comfortable for Kenma to rest his head on him, and very resolutely tries not to think too much about the fluttering in his chest.

(Yaku mocking him for being so in love is playing in his head, and he hates it.)

 

--

 

Tetsurou is laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He’s just gotten home from Kenma’s an hour ago and his mind won’t stop replaying the kisses he and Kenma shared. He can’t stop thinking about how Kenma tasted, how Kenma felt pressed against him, about the little noises Kenma made.

It makes his stomach feel hot and tense and his hands jittery with the need to reach out and touch Kenma. But Kenma’s not here, so he couldn’t touch him even if he wanted to do something about that jittery feeling in his hands.

He tries to ban the thoughts as resolutely as possible and does not succeed.

He can’t be in love with Kenma, he just can’t be.

(In his head, Yaku is still mocking him.)

 

--

 

When he wakes up the next morning, he does so with the memory of Kenma’s tongue against his and Kenma’s body pressed close and an erection. He hates everything about it and tries not to think about it too much as he takes a cold shower.

Touching himself to the thought of kissing Kenma is definitely where he draws the line.

He hates that Yaku was right, apparently.

 

--

 

Kenma greets him the same way he always does, with a yawn and some mumbled words that could mean ‘good morning, Kuro’ if you squint really hard.

Nothing seems to have changed between them, except for the fact that for Tetsurou, it feels like everything has changed.

It’s hard to talk to Kenma as if nothing’s happened when he’s had an erotic dream about him and can’t stop staring at Kenma’s lips. Have they always looked this kissable? How has Tetsurou not noticed this before?

Except that he has, maybe. He thinks about a few too many incidents where he got so distracted staring at Kenma’s lips that he completely lost his train of thought. This has also happened a lot with Kenma’s eyes; there have been several notable incidents where he got so lost staring into Kenma’s eyes that he stopped talking mid-sentence.

He’s an idiot. He’s thought about how much he loves getting lost in Kenma’s eyes a lot over the years, yet for some reason, he has always managed to convince himself that it’s completely platonic, that that’s just what best friends do.

He can’t believe it took Kenma kissing him to make him realize that thinking your best friend is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen and that you never want to stop touching him is maybe not that platonic after all.

Yaku can never know about this.

He could tell Bokuto, though. He’s pretty sure Bokuto wouldn’t judge him. He might even try to help him. It’s worth a try.

 

--

 

“You’re distracted today,” Kenma says during lunch break and completely interrupts Tetsurou’s helpless staring at his beautiful, beautiful pink lips.

“Uhm,” Tetsurou makes. He was so focused on Kenma’s mouth that it’s taking him a while to formulate a proper answer. “No?” he tries. Kenma rolls his eyes. Yaku snickers.

“What’s distracting you?” Kenma asks.

You, Tetsurou wants to say. He’s pretty sure he should not say that, though, so he doesn’t. He tries to come up with a believable answer and fails.

Kenma absentmindedly licks his lips. Tetsurou follows the movement of his little pink tongue with his eyes and feels like a creep when he can suddenly feel Kenma’s gaze snap onto him.

“If I knew kissing you would have this effect, I wouldn’t have done it,” Kenma says grumpily and Tetsurou’s brain short-circuits. Yaku starts full-on belly-laughing.

“Oh, this is gold, I’m so mad I didn’t think about recording this,” he wheezes but thankfully doesn’t get his phone out.

Tetsurou just stares at Kenma. He can’t believe Kenma brought that up in public – he didn’t think Kenma would be okay with other people knowing about him practice-kissing Tetsurou, even if it’s just them and Yaku right now. And the fact that Kenma figured out Tetsurou is thinking – fantasizing – about their kisses is absolutely humiliating at best.

It’s also terrifying because nothing is stopping Kenma from figuring out how hopelessly gone Tetsurou is on him, now. (Now that he’s realized it himself, he feels like it’s written all over his face.)

Kenma is incredibly observant, after all. In the end it shouldn’t be surprising that he figured out exactly what it is that’s distracting Tetsurou.

And it hurts, so badly, that Kenma regrets kissing Tetsurou, now that he knows Tetsurou wants to do it again. (I wouldn’t have done it is playing on repeat in Tetsurou’s head and he is aching.)

Kenma seems to notice the tenseness in Tetsurou’s shoulders right away and sighs. “Relax, Kuro,” he says.

Tetsurou wants to laugh at him. How can he relax, now that Kenma knows? Now that Kenma has regrets? He hates it, hates everything about it.

He keeps sitting rigidly, staring at Kenma; his entire body feels too frozen up to do anything else.

Kenma heaves a long-suffering sigh and leans over. He gently places a peck on Tetsurou’s cheek before leaning back again.

That very much does not help Tetsurou’s posture. Instead, his cheek feels like it’s been lit on fire and he stares dumbly at Kenma, now feeling very confused on top of feeling hurt.

He has no fucking clue why Kenma did that – and at this moment, at that.

Sure, cheek-kisses aren’t unusual for them, but usually it’s Tetsurou bestowing them upon Kenma (who always wrinkles his nose a little, which is cute enough to be a great reason to give him little kisses in and of itself). Kenma giving him cheek-kisses is a rare occurrence, and he really doesn’t feel like this situation warrants one.

“I don’t think that helped,” Yaku laughs, which is the thing to finally get Tetsurou out of his stupor. He sharply glares at Yaku and kicks at him under the table, which prompts Yaku to kick back and quickly resolves into an all-out chicken fight.

(Tetsurou gladly takes the reason to stop thinking about kissing Kenma and the entire situation.)

Kenma heaves a long-suffering sigh again and ignores them for the rest of his lunch.

 

--

 

Tetsurou is a little out of it for the rest of the day. He doesn’t think he’s to blame, though. No matter how hard he thinks about it, he just can’t make sense of the entire situation. Why would Kenma even mention kissing him in front of Yaku? Why would he show such disdain for Tetsurou’s desires, just to give him a cheek-kiss?

None of it makes sense, and by the time he and Kenma have reached Kenma’s house after afternoon practice he’s worked himself into a right frenzy.

Tetsurou has just followed Kenma to his door without thinking about it, and only by the time they walk into Kenma’s bedroom does he realize that maybe this was a stupid idea.

He probably – most definitely – should just have gone straight home to scream into a pillow.

But instead, he’s here, because he’s wasted all of his energy on being frantic, not sparing a single thought on how just going through with routine behaviour would lead him right to where he is now.

He’s such an idiot.

He sits down on Kenma’s bed because that’s what he usually does when he comes over, and watches as Kenma plops down next to him.

He’s waiting for Kenma to pull out his PSP and start playing some game so that he can go freak out and do some internal screaming in peace, but of course the one time Tetsurou actually wants to be ignored in favour of a game, Kenma doesn’t allow him that pleasure.

Instead, he scoots closer to Tetsurou, grabs his face with both his hands to pull him down a little to Kenma’s height, and kisses him.

Tetsurou has never been this dumbfounded in his entire life, which is why for a second, he does not react.

Then Kenma makes a little displeased note and goes to pull back and Tetsurou is finally spurred into action, putting one hand on Kenma’s neck and the other on his waist to keep him from pulling back before his eyes fall closed and he kisses back.

He has no idea what’s going on, but missing out on a kiss with Kenma seems like a mistake.

Kissing Kenma feels just as good this time around as it did the first time; everything in Tetsurou is singing. Kenma’s lips feel absolutely perfect against his, and yes, this is what he’s been thinking about, this is what he’s needed all day.

The way Kenma moves his lips is almost sinful and Tetsurou is so into him, so in love he feels drunk with it. (He has no idea how he ever missed this.)

He nudges his tongue against Kenma’s lips and when Kenma opens them to let Tetsurou in, he can hear himself moan. He would feel embarrassed, but there’s a little sigh that slips out of Kenma’s mouth and Kenma’s tongue is sliding against his and all Tetsurou is feeling is indescribably hot all over. There’s a pressure uncurling in his stomach, and he just really, really needs to be even closer. He grabs Kenma’s hip more insistently and uses the leverage to get Kenma closer, to press into him more, and Kenma lets out a little whine, and Tetsurou is so unbelievably turned on –

He reels back and let’s go of Kenma as if burned, which prompts Kenma to let out another small displeased sound. He opens his eyes and stares at Tetsurou.

Tetsurou is pretty sure his face is as red as a tomato.

“I’m sorry,” he says. He really shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have kissed Kenma back now that he knows how he reacts to it, how his body reacts to it.

“I hope you’re apologizing for stopping,” Kenma says, obviously displeased. And – what?

“I – no?” Tetsurou says, feeling more than a little bit confused. And then another question comes to the forefront of his mind, hot and burning. It was put on the backburner by the sheer pleasure of kissing Kenma, but now it’s back, insistent.

“Kenma, why – why would you kiss me again if you knew how it makes me feel?” His voice is quiet and timid, and he feels a little shaken, now that he’s said it. Now that he’s acknowledged it – his feelings clear and open in the air – he can’t take it back, and he has the – sudden and sickening – thought that maybe this is it, maybe this is where Kenma ends their friendship and leaves Tetsurou alone and broken.

“I mean, it is a little inconvenient that you were so distracted today, but why would my boyfriend wanting to kiss me again make me stop kissing him?” Kenma says, sounding confused.

“Your boyfriend?” Tetsurou screeches. He’s not sure what he expected, but it definitely wasn’t this.

“Yes?” Kenma says, scrunching his nose up. He looks even more confused now. “What did you think we were?”

“Best friends?” Tetsurou asks, weakly. But even as he says it, he suddenly knows that Kenma’s right. Just ‘best friends’ doesn’t encompass all that they are – doesn’t encompass the way Tetsurou feels about Kenma, how he spends every free second he has with Kenma, how he never shuts up about him. How he regularly goes out to Kenma’s favourite bakery with him on Saturdays, insisting on paying for Kenma’s food, and the way they always sleep in one bed and cuddle and hold hands and all the little kisses Tetsurou plants on Kenma’s cheek and hair and forehead and even fingers, sometimes.

How Kenma’s mother has called him her ‘son in law’ on several occasions.

God, he really is an idiot.

“Shouldn’t you have told me we were dating?” he asks, the only reason he can really come up with for why he hasn’t noticed that they are. He’s feeling a little too shocked for the relief to fully settle in, but it’s there, at the back of his mind.

“I thought you asked me to date you when you asked me if I wanted to go out with you, to be fair. You know, when the new bakery opened?” Kenma says.

The bakery. The bakery that Tetsurou has been taking Kenma to on nearly every Saturday. He remembers that conversation and looking back at it, it makes sense that Kenma thought Tetsurou was asking him out when he literally used the words ‘do you want to go out with me on Saturday? There’s this new bakery just around the block’ and his usual behaviour is just dragging Kenma along to whatever new thing he wants to try.

“I’m so dumb,” Tetsurou murmurs, but the relief is finally fully settling in, bleeding through his words. Kenma thought they were dating. That means Kenma likes him back.

And then another thought hits him: “Wait, does that mean I could have been kissing you all this time?” He feels a little cheated out of the kisses he could have been getting, now that he knows it was on the table for quite some time.

“I was kind of wondering what took you so long. When you asked me if we were ‘practicing’ yesterday, I figured it was just nerves,” Kenma says.

“I’m such an idiot,” Tetsurou repeats again, fervently, and thinks back to all the times Yaku has referred to Kenma as Tetsurou’s boyfriend, and how neither of them ever corrected him. But then something occurs to him and he lights up. “But I’m your idiot. Kenma, we’re dating!”

“I am well aware of that,” Kenma says. He snorts and Tetsurou finds him unbearably cute, even though the next thing out of Kenma’s mouth is, “Is it too late to take it back?”

“Way too late!” Tetsurou grins, and this time he’s the one reeling Kenma in for a kiss.

All in all, he’s okay with having asked Kenma out without even being aware of it, because he gets this out of it, now.

He will, however, need to make up for all the monthiversaries he’s missed, because it’s absolutely unacceptable for Kenma to think that Tetsurou wouldn’t celebrate every month they’ve been together.

Kenma is the love of his life, after all.

(He thinks that maybe he’s okay with Yaku being right, if it’s about this.)