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Please don’t leave me (Can you hear me screaming?)

Chapter Text

Loving and fighting
Accusing, denying
I can't imagine a world with you gone
The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of
I'd be so lost if you left me alone

 

Dec 7th 2019

You do know we can all see through the little game you are playing right? we know you are just using her to get up in the world, playing with her heart until you dont need to anymore.”

That’s horrible that’s not true…I love her” a shaky voice replied.

Love? ... what would you know about that?

Therese inhales sharply this comment hitting her where it hurts

She deserves better than you… you aren’t good enough for someone like her

......

Love, how would you describe it? They were right growing up Therese Belivet didn’t know what the word meant; isn’t that strange not knowing love? She never saw it, never felt it, never experienced it; actually, that’s a lie she did experience it, in books Therese read a lot (still does) getting lost in a story is how she coped with her existence. It wasn’t until two and half years ago when Therese she met her that the word LOVE started to mean something deeper than her friendship with Dannii.

Her being Carol.  

If you ask her now, she does know what love means; Love means Carol; she’s her whole world; Throughout her life Therese swore to never put her whole being into to someone but with Carol it was inevitable. She’s the light in this dark dull life. She’s the reason Therese wakes up and the reason for fighting so hard each night.

Unfortunately this afternoon that previous conversation was all that was spinning around in her mind making the demons in Therese’s head come back stronger than they have in a long time; tears fall rapidly down her face as she struggles to press send to Carol, curling up on the bathroom floor pain that’s all that Therese could feel, falling in and out on conscious Therese knew she went too far, too deep ..... suddenly the world went quiet and…..

A message delivered.

Across the bridge Carol Aird, sat on her best friend’s sofa lost in her own head, mindlessly staring at her phone, this week has been busy to say the least. Carol worked as a part time professor of Literary Arts at Columbia university in addition to her column in the New York times, she was use to busy weeks Deadlines and marking assessments was her normal. However, this week something felt off,

Earth to Carol…hey” a hand waves in front of her face, blinking sitting up straighter

sorry Abby”.

What’s going on with you?” her best friend of over 20 years enquires as she sits down handing Carol her glass of wine.

I don’t know” taking a sip of her drink “Therese’s has been acting strange the past few days

"She’s always been a strange wonder of this world” Abby lightly giggles.

A loving smile forms on Carols lips “that she has, but that’s not it she’s been distant; she’s been busy with work which I understand as the holiday season is here but I feel like she’s avoiding me; I’ve popped in to see her at the café and she seems different, she seems fragile” tears fill her blue eyes making Abby reach over and squeeze her knee.

Have you spoken to her about this?

I’ve tried, I’ve called her every day when I come home, I text her throughout the day, she has also been over once this week, but our schedules are so conflicting this time of year

"You two need to hurry up and move in together already” Abby cuts in; Unbeknown to Abby Carol had already planned to ask her love to move in with her on Christmas day.

Didn’t you say Therese struggles more around this time of year?  because of her growing up?” Carol nods “maybe that’s why, maybe it’s hitting her differently this year” Abby tries to comfort her friend.

Carol wipes her eyes “maybe, I just worry about her a lot because of her past; I just want to love and protect her with all that I am

Smiling gently Abby can feel the love Carol has for this young girl radiating from her; she has known Carol most of her life and has never seen her so in love; it warms her heart.

.....

Carols phone buzzes a message was received...

Chapter Text

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand, I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life
Hold on, I still need you

 

Dec 8th 2019

…Beep…Beep…Beep… The nurses told Carol they could mute that sound if she wanted however she refused, to Carol that constant sound meant the heart of her angel, the love of her life, is still beating, still here, still alive.

Carefully Carol takes Therese’s hand with her left running her fingers through the young brunette’s hair with her other; she leans down to kiss her forehead … 

darling...what...what happened?” Carol softly whispers before a sob escapes her.

Hold on please, I still need you. whatever happened I swear ill make it right” large tears fall steadily down her cheeks,

I love you…. please” Carol slumps into the chair beside the bed crying; she couldn’t help but think about Therese’s past struggles.

She knows this has happened to Therese before, the young woman had once told her that she ended up in the hospital and was sectioned for 72 hours a few days after her 20th birthday.

Therese has always battled with her mental health, at the infant age of 4 the young girl was taken into the foster system and unfortunately never left until she aged out. Her parents were not great people they liked to drink; alcoholics you would say, so growing up was hard for her.

During her time in the system and foster homes she was scared to tell anyone about her inner demons because they never took her mental health seriously; always telling her she’s just attention seeking. As a result of this Therese ended up being taken in to hospital a few times.

Carol was broken-hearted that she couldn’t have stopped this from happening, she really thought Therese was getting better, slowly becoming stronger mentally. Laying her head against the thin woman’s thigh holding her hand tightly she waits, waits and hopes for her love to open her beautiful eyes again.

........................................................

The first thing that came to Therese when she started to gain Conscious was how much she hurt everywhere, opening her eyes slowly, the room was bright and so quiet apart from her own heart beat on the monitor.  Looking around she sighed , back at this place she thought.  Lying here staring at the white ceiling hocked up to machines, Therese noticed a weight on her thigh. Blonde hair fanned out on her leg, a manicured hand rested in hers; ..Carol, tears of relief and happiness sprang to her tired eyes, her love was here.

This moment was short lived when a huge wave of guilt crashed over her What if Carol thinks I’m too much trouble for her now?  Therese’ mind suddenly worried, closing her eyes tightly she couldn’t help but get frustrated at herself, I thought I was getting better; I WAS doing better until this morning Stupid people, why can’t I ever be enough? Why can’t people leave me alone, I try so hard.

Laying here, lost in her head Therese couldn't help but remember the last time was admitted to hospital, it was hell, she was a broken 20-year-old with no hope, no love, no anything.

Once she was discharged a fragile Therese stumbled into a small coffee shop in midtown Manhattan the coffee shop where she would end up working, this is where she met Danielle (Dannii).

Therese didn't realise whilst she was being lost in the past she was actually running her fingers through the blonde hair on her leg

"Angel?!" 

 Carol bolted upright her world spinning from the fast movement; being pulled back to the present moment Therese opened her red teary eyes, focusing on her Carol who in return had her own tears in her ocean eyes, 

“Hhhh..i” was all Therese could manage to whisper out ; her voice was hoarse, extremely weak.

Chapter Text

You locked yourself in the bathroom
Lying on the floor when I break through
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat
Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me

 

Dec 7th 2019

OH MY GOD!!” echoes throughout the apartment, Carols phone falls to the floor through her shaking hands,

Abby, I… I have to..to.. go” a panicked Carol gets up heading towards her bag on the dining table

Carol what’s going on?” a worried Abby follows behind; not understand what’s happening “Is it Rindy?” her heart drops thinking something is wrong with her treasured god-daughter.

Moving towards her frantic friend trying to find her keys, “Carol?” …. “stop” Turning her by the shoulders, Abby askes once again “what’s wrong, is it Rindy?

Carol finally looks up “No, no…not Rindy” handing Abby her phone; Abby notices a long message from Therese; it read

 

“Carol, I love you, please don’t forget that you mean everything to me, this isn’t your fault ok!,  but this was going to happen one day, sometimes it’s so hard to breathe, trapped in my own head its too much, I love you more than you’ll ever know or understand, I never knew what love was growing up but love is you everything that you are is love for me, Thank you for everything, being my one number supporter from day one.

Carol I’m scared, my vison is becoming grey, filled with tears of my pain, I’m tired, please don’t forget that you mean everything to me, I’m sorry I’m not enough you deserve better. I love you, god I love you…

Forever your Angel flung out of space. Xo”

 

Tears fill Abby’s eyes “wait! I’m coming” grabbing Carols keys from her friends trembling hands;

I’ll drive” both women continue to hurry towards the door fear flooding every inch of Carols body.

She’s not answering... god dam it!”

Slamming her phone down on her leg in frustration

 “Abby?” Carol whispers brokenly “what if we are too late” crying harder, “what if I’ve lost her. I can’t I can’t...” her cries become heart-breaking sobs.

Hey hey, hey” flicking her eyes between her friend and the road taking Carols hand

Listen you’re not going to lose her ok, she’s stronger than whatever triggered this, ok.?” Abby tires her best to calm her scared friend.

Are you listening?” Squeezing her hand; Carol barely nods.

Pulling up to Therese’s house share in Queens; this was a world away from their lives in Manhattan. The ladies haven’t been here many times because Therese kept them away from this area. Abby doesn’t even put the car in park before Carol is running up the steps; following behind the brunette asks, 

Do you know which number is hers?

I.. I think so

Buzzing frantically the door finally releases I guess they don’t care who is let in Abby ponders.

Bolting up the broken stairs past one door after another until they reach a burgundy beaten up one,

This is hers” Carol stutters knocking loudly

THERESE!!!” both woman shout

Carol…the doors unlocked” Abby finds; pushing the handle open.

Pushing past her friend Carol sprints in the cold damp dark room calling out as she enters

Angel?

THERESE!” both woman panic; noticing the dull sound from the bathroom, Carol tries the handle,

 “Its locked Abby…

Therese darling... can you hear me??...Therese

Carol panics, her heart beating faster and faster; she tries to push the door open with her shoulders.

Carol stop you’re going to hurt yourself and that won’t help anything ok

Abby pulls her back catching Carols eyes with her own pained teary ones;

Lets push together, ok” …

ok

One, two three” both women push against the door; the brittle lock gives way; stumbling into the dark room their world stops……

The shower was running, a pill bottle was laying on its side by the sink and Therese lay motionless, slumped in shower, two bright flows of red were ran into the drain.

Therese!

The most harrowing scream rang out in the tiny bathroom as Carol fell to her knees not caring about the red stained water; pulling her love up on to her lap

no…no…. angel.... please...Therese, please don’t leave me” heavy tears fall steadily down pale cheeks.

….

yes ma’am Hun…ters point” Abby’s voice breaks as she tells the 911 operator the address they are at  “she’s 25…ok…

Carol sits bent over silently sobbing whispering “I love you.. I’m sorry…I'm sorry… please don’t leave me

Carol?, Honey... I have to feel for her pulse ...ok?”  Abby kneels next to her grief-stricken friend

Please, please” Carol whispers over and over again as she holds Therese watching Abby place her fingers against the limp womans neck.

I.can..feel her… heartbeat… yes ma’am it's faint though

ok one second” Abby places the phone on loudspeaker.  

Listening to the operator instruct them to gently lift Therese up, to lean against Carol; Abby then helps keep her wrists up waiting for the paramedics to arrive.

She's gonna be ok” Abby tries her hardest to comfort her broken friend next to her.