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When my social lights are out

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1. The first time Travis sees the brilliant blue ink of Matt's chest piece he tries and fails to suppress a snicker because it's just so blue.

2. They met in fourth period gym class two days after the start of school and one since Travis had ripped the nail of his left ring finger.

3. Travis knows he shouldn't be pissed with Milo and Ryan but Matt stayed.

4. Matt kissed him for the first time during a game of spin-the-bottle.

5. Travis has never been shy but it was Matt who talked him into doing the MTV solo battle thing.

6. At the time it all happens so fast Matt doesn't even have time to think about it but later he dreams about watching Travis get dragged as their van slides along the road.

7. Everyone assumes they were in the same class but the truth is that Travis happened to be doing some unsanctioned art in the boys' locker room and Matt walked in on him.

8. Starting the band was mutual and they both know it even if everyone thinks Travis led and Matt followed.

9. Matt will never understand Pete's fascination with animal suits.

10. Travis has always been one of those people who knows how to get stuff and sometimes Matt really wishes he wasn't.

11. Travis has never been truly suicidal but all the same there are times when Matt really wishes his middle name was something other than Lazarus.

12. Travis can't breathe when he gets the news that Pete Wentz loves their music even when it's still unmixed and wants to sign them.

13. When Pete, with his cool eyes and smile wiped away, tells them that if they sign then part of the conditions are that Travis do rehab the band looks to Travis but it's Matt who says they need some time to think about it.

14. Travis teaches Matt to slip into the shadows between street lights and how play look out for him as he paints.

15. They'd all been expecting Travis to put up a fight about it but he didn't.

16. Travis likes to lay on the floor just in front of his kit while he plays.

17. It takes a long time for Matt's mother to warn up to Travis because she thinks he's going to march her boy into more trouble than he can get out of on his own.

18. Cold weather makes Travis's knee ache.

19. Matt finds the way Pete flips between Pete their friend and Wentz their boss very unnerving but Travis just laughs and rolls with it.

20. When Pete said he was bringing some kids for the video Travis didn't realize he meant he was bringing the Panic boys.

21. Matt burns bright red so Travis finds him lidocaine and rubs it gently into his skin.

22. They find Sashi and it takes them less time than Matt expected to convince him that he should come play with Gym Class.

23. Ray Toro looks vaguely uncomfortable surrounded by all of Pete's people and he's hovering, as unobtrusively as a six foot man with a fro to rival Travis's can hover, around Mikey Way which is making Pete frustrated and Travis amused while Matt thinks he should maybe stage an intervention before Pete gets anymore worked up and Joe looks like he agrees so Matt knows he needs to do something.

24. When Pete said Patrick would be helping with the album they figured on a guest spot, a mention of "feat. Patrick Stump" in the liner notes but Patrick comes in to produce which throws everyone off for the first day even though Travis gives them a private pep talk about not being intimidated that their boss's musical soul mate is going to be judging them.

25. He doesn't give Pete any significant looks when he introduces Ray to Sashi but the last Matt sees of them they're disappearing into a side room that Travis says holds guitars and Pete nods at him across the room before going back to leaning his head against Mikey's shoulder.

26. The first time Matt shook a spray can and prepared to deface private property Travis was there.

27. Sashi's constant energy makes Matt feel like he's old and tired even though they're the same age but he never says anything because he knows the others would tease him about it forever.

28. The first rehab never really worked no matter how much they wish is had.

29. The dark green-black of Travis's tattoos reminds Matt of the way old style sailors' tattoos look and Travis just shakes his head at what he calls Matt's obsession with the nautical world.

30. Matt loves water but more than that he loves how Travis looks gliding through it.

31. Travis is 46 when the doctors tell him there is nothing else to be done with his ruined knee and recommend an artificial replacement.

32. Sashi, Eric, and Travis all have their own side projects that they spend more and more time on but Gym Class is never officially ended.

33. Three days after Travis's solo project gets to be officially happening instead of just an idea, the Butcher phones Matt to tell him that drummers will always be in short supply.

34. Eric never tells them the whole story of how he got to be friends with so many porn stars and Travis starts what becomes a running joke with them to make up more and more ridiculous stories about how he met them because Eric's friends are just as closed mouthed on the subject as he is.

35. Matt likes to listen while Travis raps in the shower.

36. The most awkward sex Matt has ever had has been with Travis but he's also had the most awesome sex with him too so it balances out.

37. Every so often Travis goes through a phase where he tries to have short hair but it never lasts.

38. The worst fight they ever have ends with Travis walking out without a word and Matt only finds out that he went to Gabe when Gabe calls; Travis won't talk to him for three days.

39. Pete is the first one to find out that Travis and Matt are no longer going to be able to stay with their plan of not saying anything official.

40. Getting forced into making a statement about his relationship with Matt kicks off one of the worst months in Travis's life and he's just glad that Pete, an old hand at dealing with forced statements, is just there to offer his support.

41. Travis gave Matt a tattoo when he was apprenticing and it isn't very good but Matt refuses to cover it over or even just get it fixed.

42. William and Gabe have a thing with Travis that starts out as friends with benefits, slides into something that could be more serious but eventually curls into a close friendship; Matt watches it from the outside.

43. During Patrick's solo tour his drummer vanishes without a trace after three shows and Matt ends up filling in for the rest of the tour which means that Pete expects Matt to keep him updated about Patrick which Matt does because he understands the worry in Pete's voice that never takes shape in his words.

44. William plays Travis some of the songs for his solo project which leads to Travis contributing some verses to one and Matt laughs to hear that Travis is writing folk music.

45. There are a lot of frustrated writers who became musicians in Pete's circle of friends so the natural extension of that is to publish the Decaydance short story collection to which Matt, after some persuasion from Travis, contributes.

46. Travis and Pete own a gallery in LA but after their first attempt they both keep their names off their second one.

47. Matt's left wrist gets broken in a car crash and it's never quite as strong again but he can play which is all that matters.

48. Travis is shocked by how Ashlee sounds when she starts singing with Brendon one evening and after that he's determined to get her to contribute vocals to his up-coming album which Ashlee agrees to on the condition that she isn't credited which makes Pete mad even though he agrees that her name won't make anyone take the song seriously.

49. The first time Travis goes on tour solo Matt ends up at loose ends which is how he ends up becoming one of the unofficial sessions drummers for Decaydance.

50. As a tenth anniversary gift Travis took Matt to a B&B next to a lighthouse that looked like the one in Matt's chest piece but neither of them called in an anniversary gift.