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Let me help

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Let me help

Chapter 1

AAU wasn’t busy, hadn’t been all week, amazingly every single elective which came through the doors of AAU had secured their theatre slots, ED had coped with all the influxes of emergencies they faced and Holby City Hospital seemed to be ticking over well.

It had been so quiet, that on Tuesday the nurses volunteered to do a whole ward stock take. On Wednesday the porters had offered a full MOT on all the wheels chairs and gurneys and on Thursday the ward had been given a much needed deep clean by the cleaners.

Bernie hadn’t been in theatre for three days, she had been working through her endless pile of files and a new proposal for some state of the art trauma equipment, but she was also worried that if this silence continued, would there, in fact, be need of a trauma unit?

Yes, it has been an odd week, Bernie thought to herself as she lent back in her office chair, Biro lid being chewed because yet again, she was trying to give up the fags. It’s been an odd, spookily quiet week but there was also an atmosphere that clench to everything and everyone. The source of this atmosphere was undeniably Serena Campbell. The ice queen herself marched through the hospital corridors, her frosty presents causing every member of staff to move quickly to look busy, hoping they would avoid eye contact, verbal contact.....any contact.

Serena had never been so busy, clinical lead on AAU, overseer of the trauma unit and Deputy CEO. She had attended more board meetings this week than she had been on her ward. Bernie had barely seen her friend, had joked about passing ships in the night when they shared a lift ride together that very morning, Bernie noting how tired and withdrawn her friend looked.

Bernie was well settled and established at Holby now. Three years as the Trauma Unit lead under her belt. One messy divorce but more friends than she ever had in her life, two kids who saw her regularly and who were very much in her life. And a best friend that she would do absolutely anything for.

There had been a time when Bernie had felt more for Serena, had been very attracted to the gorgeous brunette. After a year of pining for her, she told Serena how she felt, told her over their fourth bottle of shiraz one cold winters night as the snow fell heavily outside. She told her that she was confused by Serena’s outrageous flirting. Confused about their undeniable sexual chemistry and confessed that she was probably completely in love with a straight woman.

Serena had laughed at first, surely Bernie was pulling her leg, she knew Bernie was gay, bi.....whatever she was Serena didn’t care, didn’t like labels, so she was just Bernie the best friend she had ever had.

Serena had confessed that she knew that Bernie had stronger feelings, had known for a while that it wouldn’t have taken much to take that step from friends to lovers. She admitted that she really, really liked Bernie, loved her in fact, most certainly could appreciate how attractive she was and how great the sex would probably be, but she didn’t want to blur the lines, she viewed her as a sister, who she was lucky enough to see and work with daily.

Bernie understood and honestly, truthfully deep down wanted her as a friend more than to have her as nothing at all.

Bernie was true to her word, she squashed her feelings for Serena, and after a short, while the desperate attraction she had felt had calmed a lot, settling her heart and head that staying just friends had been the best decision she had ever made. Their friendship grew from strength to strength, they socialised pretty much every night of the week, they spent Christmas’s together and even holidayed aboard together.

Serena, however, was keen to find someone for Bernie, someone who was deserving of such an amazing, beautiful, brilliant woman. She had made it her main focus, to set up blind dates for her lovely friend.
Bernie had dutifully been on several dates that Serena had match made. A number of them had gone terribly wrong and Bernie could have personally throttled Serena when Fleur Fanshawe turned up to a restaurant one night proclaiming to be her extra special blind date.

She had enjoyed herself more on other dates Serena had planned and a few had moved to 2nd and even 3rd dates but nothing more serious than that. She had also had a few one-night stands, agency nurses which she had convinced not to return for more shifts. But after a year of blind dates, she was sure it was her destiny to be single for the rest of her days.

She hadn’t minded that, because her best friend Serena Campbell was always on hand for last-minute, drinks, dinners, girlie nights in and theatre trips.

That was until she had invited Serena as her plus one to a fancy Military dinner. It was there on that sunny warm summers evening that Bernie had introduced her to Captain Robert Medcalf. Bernie and Robbie as he preferred to be called had served in Afghanistan together, he was in the regiment that Bernie and her RAMC team were supporting. He was in the tank behind Bernie’s when the IED that blew Bernie back to England hit.

Robbie had been injured in just one place, the lower part of his right leg had been hit bad and even though he kept his leg, it was held together for the best part of two years by pins and metal braces. Once fixed to the best it could be, he was told he would need to use a leg brace and walking stick for the rest of his life. He was medically discharged from the Army at the age of 48.

He was happy and well settled in a nice house, paid for by his heavy insurance pay-out, with no wife or kids he had a very comfortable life indeed He was working with the MOD, on projects which were top secret.

Serena was immediately hooked. She flirted beyond-outrageously and happily sat close to him in the corner of the hall for most of the night. She got on so well with him that Bernie left alone that night, after being ushered off by Serena as Robbie’s tongue was down her throat and a hand firmly pressed to her left breast.

 

It was only today, a good nine months or so after Bernie had introduced them that she had heard the gossip mill turning. Bernie tended to avoid the mill normally but when she heard Serena’s name she was naturally interested. She had wondered if Robbie was actually the cause of Serena’s icy mood at the moment. The gossip mill had informed Bernie and the AAU team that Serena had slept at her own house alone five times this week.

Now normally this would not sound like juicy gossip but you see her relationship had been very public, Robbie would send huge bouquets of flowers to her, he would send chocolates and wine. He would pick her up in his tuxedo when they went to the ballet or opera. In previous weeks and months, she had been caught many a time having some serious snogging sessions in Robbie’s car in the staff carpark both before and after her shifts. Serena had been very happy and everyone was pleased that she had finally moved on from the waste of space ex-husband Edward Bloody Campbell who always seemed to be lingering in the background. An ex-husband who wasn’t just a liability to her but to the hospital too.

Even Bernie was happy for her, yes Bernie had been jealous when she had spotted them snogging, on her way into work once or twice, had been the green-eyed monster when she watched him sweep Serena off her feet to fancy restaurants and theatres. Had rolled her eyes as yet another bouquet of flowers overcrowded their shared office. But these moments of jealously were around the fact that Serena was spending time with him while she sat at home lonely.

Serena wasn’t a stranger to the hospital gossip Mill, she had, had her fair share of office romances. She had been at Holby city hospital for eight years and in her time she had been wined and dined by most of the male consultants. She confessed to Bernie one drunken night that she had a few nights of passion with Ric Griffin between wife number 3 and 4. That she even had a snog and fumble with Henrik Hanssen at a conference once and that Guy Self was a useless prick in and out of the bedroom. She admitted that she rather liked the look of Raf but she would never sleep with anyone lower than her pay grade.

Something her mother had installed in her, femininity matched with pure ambition and drive. She had failed to live by those rules only once, which resulted in her marriage to Edward. Her parents never agreed of him, she had married someone below her status and the only good thing gained from that relationship was a daughter. Bernie could only imagine the delight her parents would have had, had they still been alive in her match to Captain Robert Medcalf.

Bernie had well and truly halted the gossip mill, well she had stopped it on her ward, what her nurses and doctors said and did when off AAU she had no control over. She believed Serena needed a friend if there was trouble in paradise as people were stating. She decided to call her deputy CEO office to see if she was still at work.

“Ms Campbell please.” She said with confidence as she held the phone to her ear speaking to Serena's PA.

“She has? OK, no thank you, no need for a message.” She put the phone down disappointed that she had missed her friend.

“You look like I feel.” A deep voice laced with tiredness echoed into the AAU office.

“I just called your office, they said you left for home.” Bernie smiled brightly when she saw Serena in the office doorway.

“I have, but thought I would swing by here first make sure the ship was still afloat and to see if you fancied a drink.”

“Now you’re talking Campbell.... Give me five minutes to change, then I am all yours,” Bernie said as she leapt from her chair hugging Serena as she passed her.

********************************************************

“You’re like a bloody excited puppy,” Serena explained as they entered the lift.

“I haven’t been out for a drink with you in months.” Bernie declared.

“It hasn’t been that long,” Serena replied dryly.

“Err yes it has, it was late January. And it is bloody May now.”

“Why haven’t we been out since then? We are always out together aren’t we?”

“Err, that will be because of your boyfriend, and how loved up you both are. We only went out in January because he was working aboard.”

“I’m a rubbish friend, I’m sorry,” Serena said this with a very sad look on her face and a wobble in her voice.

“Hey, you OK?” Bernie asked concerned at the reaction Serena had given.

“Can you drive tonight, I want to get ridiculously drunk,” Serena replied not really answering Bernie’s question.

“That bad?” Bernie asked and was met with a tearful nod. “I tell you what why don’t you follow me home, we can order in food, drink as much as we wish, share our sorrows and put the world to rights. If you fancy you can stay over, it will be like old times.”

“I knew there was a reason you were my best friend.” Serena smiled sadly as they left the lift and walked to the carpark together.

“Do I need to pop to the shop and buy some shiraz?” Serena asked as they approached their cars.

“Not unless you were planning on finishing off the fourteen bottles I have.”

“I think that should do us. See you there.” Serena replied this time giving Bernie a tight hug. “You always seem to know what I need before I do.” She whispered before moving to open her car door.

“Oh you need to follow me, I moved remember? You haven’t been to the new place yet.” Bernie informed her.

“You moved already, I am sure last time we spoke you were only thinking about it.”

“I moved two months ago Serena, the day you flew out to Rome with Robbie.”

“Oh right...” Serena said shaking her head. “I will follow you then.”

Serena was angry at herself for the whole drive to Bernie’s new flat. Before Robbie had come along her and Bernie has been inseparable, they had spoken about Bernie moving out of that nasty, dark little flat she had during the divorce into something more fitting for a clinic lead consultant. And the last Serena remembers was promising to look at a few places Bernie had booked... But she never did go. That means Bernie moved without help, had moved in with no celebration drink, no house warming party or gift. Serena felt terrible. “Some bloody best friend I am” she grumbled out loud as she turns into a side road that led to the new fancy deluxe Riverside apartments. “She didn’t move here surely?” she asked herself as she followed Bernie’s sporty car down into the underground parking facility. She pulled up next to Bernie and turned off her engine.

“Well what do you think, did I do good?” Bernie asked as she climbed out of her car.

“So far so good, but I will reserve my full opinion until I see indoors.

“Naturally” Bernie huffed shaking her head as she led the way to the lift.

“It’s like a hotel,” Serena said as they arrived on the 6th floor. Bernie walked her through the well lit, beautifully decorated and smartly carpeted corridor.

“A bloody expensive hotel.” Bernie sniggered.

“How much is the rent?”

“Just over £1,200 a month, a mortgage would be vastly cheaper. But I can’t complain too much, that does include the secure parking, use of the pool and gym area, 24/7 security and the cleaning and maintenance of the communal areas.”

“Well, it is not like you can’t afford it. There are a lot of extras aren’t there with the gym and pool?”

“It is good and I am saving money really not having to pay for a gym membership. But it was this that sold it to me.” Bernie said as she opened her front door, gesturing for Serena to move inside.

“Oh, Bernie.” Was all Serena could muster as the beauty of the sleek open planned apartment hit her. The apartment's entrance opened up into the lounge area, a reasonable sized and extremely modern kitchen to the left and a dining area to the right. The lounge was big, a comfy brown leather curved sofa sat in the middle of the room, a large coffee table in front of it, a 60inch TV on the only solid wall in the room. The other walls were actually floor to ceiling folding windows which led to a good size balcony overlooking the river.

“I am impressed,” Serena said in a very shocked tone.

“Didn’t do badly did I, look I have a matching kettle and toaster, matching plates, cutlery and cups.” She explained opening the different cupboards. “The cushions match the rug.” She said as she rushed over to the sofa. “I have a complete dining table and chair set.” Bernie pointed it all out as she guided Serena around.

“The outdoor furniture is all new and very comfy. Then we have this small corridor that leads to the bathroom.”

“Bernie it’s lovely.”

“Matching towels Serena! I thought of you when I brought these, they are thick and luxurious like yours.” Bernie was so proud of herself. The bathroom was very modern, the black and grey titles complimented the shiny chrome of the large walk-in shower and the roll-top bath. The bath was positioned in front of another large window, which also overlooked the river.

“I must say laying in the bath with a nice whisky is probably my favourite thing to do at the moment.”

“I bet.”

“Then we have the guest room, Charlie and Cam have both been to stay.” Bernie opened the door to a lovely decorated double room. A good-sized double bed was in the centre of the room, there was a built-in wardrobe, draws and general storage along one wall. A dressing table and chair against the other wall. It was simple but lovely and welcoming.

“And this is my room,” Bernie said nervously as she opened the door.

“It’s massive.” Serena stood in the doorway her jaw hitting the floor.

The biggest super king-size bed took centre stage, covered in the most feminine brightly multi-coloured duvet Serena had ever seen. Pretty butterflies, hummingbirds and flowers covered the duvet and the colours set off the stunning wooden shutters on the windows. Bedside cabinets either side of the bed with beautiful lamps on them. A floor to ceiling mirrored wardrobe with built-in dressing tablet and stool was adjacent to the patio doors that opened up to the riverside.

“Got that in the Laura Ashley sale” Bernie announced proudly pointing at the bedding.

“You have hit the jackpot here Wolfe” Serena smiled before bursting into tears.

“Serena” Bernie cried with concern as she stepped up closer to her friend.

“Don’t be nice I don’t deserve it,” Serena mumbled.

“Don’t be silly, what is wrong?”

“I am a shit friend, I didn’t know you had moved, I have promised to view some places with you but didn’t. You moved by yourself..... I’m sorry.”

“Firstly Campbell, you are not a shit friend, you were off living your life, secondly this was the first place I viewed and said yes to immediately. Finally, I had help moving, Cam, Charlie, Fletch and Raf helped me.”

“OMG that’s worse they all helped I didn’t.” Serena cried harder and louder.

“Please don’t Serena it’s ok, I’m ok, this place is ok, we are OK.” Bernie held her lovely friends as she sobbed.

“Why don’t you tell me what is really wrong?”

“I’m just exhausted... That’s all.” Serena mumbled trying to sound convincing.

“OK, well then, let’s get you sat down with a drink in your hand. I have some menus to take out anything, in particular, you fancy?”

“Pizza” Serena gave a simple reply as she followed Bernie back out into the lounge area.

“Pizza?” Bernie confirmed.

“Yes, a big meat feast with stuffed crust.”

“Well blow me down... I never thought I would see a day that you would pick a pizza over a Thai or Indian.”

“Well, I’m full of surprises Bernie..... So are you, I can’t believe how clean your place is and you have a fridge and freezer full of food. Have you met someone?” Serena asked pulling the attention off herself.

“I confess it’s not all my doing, I pay Charlotte to come and clean twice a week, she is amazing does my washing and ironing too. She set up an internet shopping account with Waitrose who delivers a big shop monthly and she tops up on the fresh things when she visits.”

“Well it’s working for you and you get to rebuild that a relationship with her. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, I must say I am very proud of myself.”

“And if you do get lucky at least you get to bring her back to luxury,” Serena smirked as she nudged Bernie in the ribs.

“If I get lucky I always go back to theirs, that way I can end the night when I want.”

“Been lucky recently?”

“Once or twice,” Bernie replied with a knowing grin.

“Order the pizza, open a bottle and tell me all about it,” Serena ordered as she slipped her shoes off and curled up on the comfy sofa.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 2

“Bloody hell Bernie of all the things you could have said I really didn’t see that coming.”

They had been chatting for the last hour catching up on each other's lives.

“Well, now you know” Bernie hummed.

“But you’re back with Alex!” The words fell from Serena’s mouth sounding more shocked and upset than she had intended them to.

“Well not back, back. We have met up a few times, had drinks, had dinner...”

“Had Sex!” Serena interrupted.

“Yes Serena, we have had sex,” Bernie stated as she finished her last mouthful of food, she discarded her plate onto the coffee table next to Serena’s.

“How did the kids take the news?” she asked.

“They don’t know.”

“What? Oh, Bernie, you have to tell them, you can’t let them find out through someone else.” Serena explained with genuine concern, over the years she had become very fond of Cameron especially but of Charlotte too, her and Ellie had become friends and Serena believed that she was a good influence on her daughter.

“Serena I don’t inform my children of every shag I have, I have nothing to tell them.”

“But you’re back together.”

“No, we aren’t, we are just having some fun. She has only been back a couple of months, and she will be off again soon. Why do I need to share that with them, with anyone?”

“But while she is here you’re going to get your fix. Oh, Bernie if they find out they will be devastated.”

“Serena you know as well as I do that they will be devastated no matter who I choose. The only woman they want me to be with is you and that isn’t happening is it?” she snapped much to her own and Serena’s surprise. “What’s really the problem here?” Bernie asked confused as to why Serena was creating so.

“You had an affair, several years you were together in secret, she broke up your marriage.”

“I broke up my marriage,” Bernie confirmed.

“She helped if you hadn’t of shag her, started the affair you would have still been married.”

“No Serena I wouldn’t, Alex and I weren’t together when I left Marcus you know that. I have always been gay..... This isn’t new information Serena.”

“Its gonna get messy, these things always do,” Serena said sharply standing to retrieve more wine from the kitchen. “You can’t go back Bernie, you should never go back if it didn’t work the first time round what makes you think it will now?” She asked as she pours wine into both of their glasses.

“We aren’t in a relationship, it’s just sex. No different to all those bloody dates you set me up on, all those one night stands I had.” Bernie explained.

“Of course it’s different you have history, a back story, emotional connections... You were in love with each other. Are you telling me that if she asked you to commit tomorrow you would say no?” Serena asked as she slumped back onto the sofa next to Bernie.

“I... err..... I don’t know, hadn’t even thought of that being on the agenda.” She confessed.

“Well, I bet you a five-course meal at The Harrow that it is very much on the agenda.” Serena huffed. “You mark my words Bernie Wolfe she wants more than just sex.”

“I look forward to proving you wrong Serena Campbell.” Bernie nodded and held out her hand as if to shake on a deal.

“How many times have you shagged?”

“I don’t know?”

“Yes you do, come on,” Serena said straight-backed full of authority.

“How many actual times or how many dates.”

“Actual times”

“About fifteen.” Bernie blushed.

“Bloody hell Bernie.”

“Well, most nights it was more than once or twice.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Serena asked again her voice sounding sadder than she had hoped.

“Because I have barely seen you, you are always out with Robbie, and when we have seen each other at work it’s not an appropriate topic of discussion,” Bernie explained equally as sad.

“I’m sorry, comes back to me being a shit friend again doesn’t it?” Serena sighed.

“It’s fine Serena,” Bernie said with the sweetest smile on her face. “Anyway, why don’t you fess up and tell me why you are here and not with lover boy tonight!” Bernie tried to change the subject.

“Don’t get me started.” Serena huffed as she downed her wine.

“What’s he done?”

“It wasn’t him it was me, I upset him, and now he has gone all distant on me, haven’t seen him in over a week. He keeps ignoring my messages.”

“Ouch, what did you do insult his manhood or something?” Bernie asked in a jolly tone. Serena blushed and diverted her eyes. “Oh, Christ you did” Bernie burst into laughter.

“It’s his fault really, I don’t think I was being unreasonable. He just took it the completely wrong way.”

“What did you do?”

“Sex,” Serena said wincing.

“I need more information than that,” Bernie stated. “Oh wait, let me get us some real drinks, I have a feeling we need them.” With that Bernie jumped up and hopped over to the larger, higher kitchen cupboard, her top rode up as she stretched for the bottle of good single malt at the back. Her bareback was on show and the smallest hint of black lace underwear.

“Berenice Wolfe” Serena called with a wolf whistle to follow. “Lacy knickers, what happened to the good old grey boxer shorts?”

“Ha... Well,” Bernie gave an uncomfortable laugh, trying to hide her blushes and rapidly pulling down her top. “You never know if you are going to get lucky.” She replied.

“Did you have plans to see Alex tonight?” Serena asked.

“I told you we aren’t together”

“That’s not an answer Wolfe, did you have plans to see her?”

“She was going to pop over, but I cancelled, it’s no big deal.”

“Cancelled before or after I asked you if you fancied a drink?”

“After, I texted her when I got to the car. I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing you Serena, it’s been ages since we have done this.” Bernie smiled as she brought over the whiskey and two crystal tumblers.

“You are missing out on a night of hot passion for me?”

“You’re my best friend, I haven’t seen you in forever and you clearly needed a girlie chat...... No night of passion would tear me away from you.” Bernie sat and placed her hand on Serena’s knee, they looked at each other and smiled, Bernie was sure she spotted Serena’s eyes darken but didn’t say or do anything. Situations like this happened a lot. The bumping of arms and shoulders as they walked far to close to each other down a corridor which is wide enough for them to move apart. The gentle hand on the others back to give a pat of support. Knees and tights which touched when they sat together at Albies even when there is enough space for them to sit properly. Situations which well and truly fucked with Bernie’s head. It was flirting and could so easily fall from friend zone into hot passionate lovers zone. But Bernie knew... She knew it was just Serena’s way, she flirted with everyone, but did she flirt with everyone to this level?

“Anyway,” Bernie interrupted the awkwardness of the moment. “Sex you say?”

“What?” Serena was shocked back into the moment.

“Yes, sex... Err sex hasn’t been great lately.” Serena started to explain. “Oh, who am I kidding the sex has never been earth-shattering, but all the other stuff made up for that, you know the wining and dining, the little breaks away, he treated my like a lady, like a queen.”

“I can see how that could all makeup for crap sex.” Bernie smiled willing her friend to continue.

“Well, it was OK until suddenly it wasn’t... I was getting bored with it all. Part of the issue is his leg, it is so damaged and weak it limits the positions, the spontaneousness of things. I wanted to spice things up, brought some sexy undies, stockings, handcuffs and a blindfold. He liked the undies, but said the stockings made me look like a hooker.”

“Charming”

“He hated the blindfold and handcuffs, well hated was an understatement. He really freaked out, accused me of being ignorant to the trauma he had experienced in the army.”

“I get that, I think I would freak a little too.”

“But I wasn’t being ignorant, I just wanted to make it more exciting. But after that argument it all changed for me, in the end, I was faking the orgasms, I wasn’t invested anymore, just couldn’t be bothered to put the effort in. And then...”

“Oh, dear... And then?”

“While we were having sex the other Saturday night, I was on top as normal and ordinarily I can control things but it was clear I wasn’t going to orgasm so I introduced one of those little bullet vibrators, I just slide it between my legs and well he went crazy, said I had offended him, that no woman had ever needed help so it must be a problem I have. Asked me if it was something to do with the menopause.”

“Ouch....please tell me you put him straight?”

“I said that I had never had to fake it before and that every time I fucked myself I had multiple orgasms.”

“Well done you.”

“Yes well, not that well done... He hasn’t spoken to me in over a week.”

“Serena he can’t stay angry at you forever, you are sexually aware and you know what you want. He should be excited that you want to make it better.” Bernie reassured her.

“It’s alright for you, if you introduce a toy into the bedroom, you’re not hurting anyone’s pride.”

“That’s not true, Alex for example would never use a strap on or any sort of dildo that looked like a cock. If I introduced that she would be questioning me asking if I missed being with a man.”

“Actually you win the world of the strap on is thankfully something I don’t need to enter,” Serena smirked. “Do you have one?” She asked biting her bottom lip.

“I do. In fact, I have a reasonable collection of toys,” Bernie answered with a smirk and raised an eyebrow. “But sex toys aren’t about sexuality Serena, they are about personal needs, wants and fantasies. I personally like to use toys, especially when I am alone, but also when I am with lovers.”

“You sound like a saleswoman in Ann Summers.” Serena’s laughter filled the room.

“Come on, don’t tell me you haven’t got a little battery lover in your bedside cabinet.”

“Well... Of course, I do, tell me a woman who hasn’t, I was single for a long time.....and”

“Serena you don’t need to justify it, as I said earlier you are sexually aware, you know your needs, your body and mind.”

“Why couldn’t Robbie see it as you do? Sometimes I think we are better matched Bernie.” Serena said the words before she thought it through.

“I mean....” She quickly tried to correct herself.

“We are best friends of course we are better matched.” Bernie swooped in and saved the day as always. Serena busied herself trying to avoid Bernie’s attention for a moment. She poured them both another large whiskey.

“So what do I do?”

“Talk to him, tell him what you want and need, if he cares for you Serena he will listen and he will want to make you happy. Explain that the toys aren’t because he isn’t good enough, it’s because you like it a certain way and there are fun toys made for men too, its just a different fun thing you would like to do.”

“Can I see it?” Serena asked.

“What?”

“Your strap on.”

“Seriously??????”

“I have never seen one.”

Bernie thought for a moment, shocked by the request, but found herself nodding at Serena.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3
Let me help.

“You have yourself an envious collection here Major,” Serena called through to the ensuite where Bernie was currently.

“It just things I have picked up over the years.” She called back.

Serena had sat wide-eyed when Bernie retrieved a large hatbox from her wardrobe, ceremonially placing it on the bed and removing the lid. Serena’s face lit up as she was given free rain to have a nose. She picked up the biggest dildo first, Bernie blushed a little explaining that was indeed the strap on dildo they had been speaking about. Serena handed it to her and gave her instructions to put it on.

“I haven’t seen this many sex toys away from an Ann Summers shop. Do you use them all?”

“Mostly, don’t worry they are all clean, they are too bloody expensive to treat badly.” Bernie chuckled.

“Which is your favourite?”

“To use by myself or with a woman?” Came a question back.

“Both” was the simple reply.

“I like the long pink bending one to use on myself, you can adjust the angle and it hits my g spot perfectly. Not had that one too long but most certainly my favourite. That and the bullet…. Together they are a 100% guarantee combo to make me climax hard.”

Serena held the two toys in her hand, the pink Flexi one looked like a slap band bracelet Elinor had as a child, she bent it and saw immediately the advantage of having one you could mould to your body shape instead of the firm silicone ones. Both were fully charged and ready to go, she pushed the button on the pink one and it kicked into life, giving off an extremely strong but almost silent vibration. Serena knew she wouldn’t need the choice of seven settings, the long continuous fast vibration setting would certainly make her see stars, she picked up the bullet, she had one of these but Bernie’s was gold and shiny and bigger than hers and again much quieter. She could appreciate that the combination of the too would surely create good long if not multiple climaxes. She would ask where she purchased them, knowing that the silence of them would be a bonus when Jason is around.

“What do you like to use on your lovers then?” she asked.

“Alex isn’t that bothered by toys, but other lovers have enjoyed the rampant rabbits and the wands. The big-headed bendy wand is great for climaxing together.”

“How?”

“If I sat astride her so our pelvises are touching and then wedge the wand between us.”

“Oh, right I see, you need a good imagination to be a lesbian don’t you?”

“I don’t think so, I just enjoy having sex, by myself and with others. I do what feels good. That is what you should be doing, you need to become a sexual warrior Serena.”

“I was once, I have always prided myself in knowing what I want and getting it… it’s just this relationship with Robbie has made me question everything.” Serena explained. “Which one of these do women like best then?”

“To be fair most of the women I have slept with do like a good seeing to with a strap on. I have all those different sized dildos but this one is new and the biggest.” Bernie explained. “It’s handy to have a variety just in case she can’t handle the thicker or longer ones.”

“There are so many different colours. Why are none of them life like?” Serena asked?

“Because I’m not a man and the women I sleep with tend to be lesbians and don’t want any references to male genitalia.”

“Tend to be lesbians?” She picked up on that remark.

“Well, there have been a few bi-curious women.”

“You not keen on them then?” Serena asked.

“Not particularly, sex is great but I would really like to settle down soon.”

“Can’t you see that being with Alex?”

“No, we want different things.”

“Meaning you want your children to speak to you?”

“I told you Serena my kids won’t be happy with any woman.”

“Err no what you said was they wouldn’t be happy with any woman apart from me.” There was a hint of flirtation in her tone.

“Yes, and I also said that was never going to happen.” Bernie laughed.

“What size do you like?” Serena asked changing the subject for a moment.

“I tend to be the wearer; I give with it not receive.”
“Because you don’t like it?”

“No, I just haven’t found anyone yet who does it for me by wearing it,” Bernie confessed. “Hope to one day because the positions are endless, and I loved being fucked from behind and up against the wall.”

“God you don’t need to talk to me about positions, I am so limited at the moment, what with Robbie’s disability.”

“Does his lack of lower limb affect your relationship much?”

“It does, we can’t go for long walks, he won’t go to a spa with me, he won’t dance with me if we are out, and the sex…. We’ll as I said it is getting boring now. I just don’t want to be the one to dump him and for people to think it’s the because of his disability.”

“But you’re happy to stay with him because of his disability? Because you feel sorry for him? It’s the same thing just a different way of saying it.” Bernie informed her. Serena sat for a moment; she hadn’t thought about it like that. She shook her head this wasn’t about him tonight.

“Enough of him, tell me about this strap on you are putting on? You said it was new”

“Yep, only just taken it out of its packaging. You’re the first lady friend to see it.”

“Come on then let’s see what all the fuss is about.”

“Promise not to laugh?”

“Promise” Serena explained.

As Bernie walked out of the ensuite she doesn’t quite meet Serena’s eye. She was expecting laughter because let’s face it, they do look funny, but she was greeted with complete silence.
“Say something,” Bernie said.

“I was expecting leather straps,” Serena confessed.

“I did have a couple that had straps but I prefer shorts, they are more comfortable and they make it feel a bit more natural to use. I know, it still looks a bit ridiculous…but”

“No, no... It most certainly does not, look ridiculous.... it looks good, bloody good actually,” Serena says convincingly, and Bernie finally met her eyes. Bernie stood a little taller, after that comment. The black Lycra shorts fitted tightly, shaping her muscular thighs and firm bum. The dark blue, 10-inch dildo bounced in its holder.

“I think you look very hot, any woman would be very lucky to enjoy you.”

“Well I don’t I know about that but, I haven’t ever had any complaint.” Bernie blushed a little.

“I bet you do show your ladies a good time and I personally love the Trauma Unit Blue colour.” Bernie blushed more, she wasn’t used this type of attention, especially from Serena.

“Come closer,” Serena instructed and reluctantly Bernie took the few steps closer. Serena took the dildo in her hand; she rubbed her hand up and down the firm silicon.

“It feels so hard but so smooth.” She mumbled. “I bet it feels good with you thrusting behind it.” She wanked it a bit firmer and faster.

“Careful Serena.” Bernie moaned.

“I won’t damage it,” Serena said giving it another tug, showing Bernie that she knew what to do when a cock was presented to her.

“No, I meant.” Bernie took a sharp breath. “Stop Serena please.” She almost cried.

“Bernie it’s ok, I’m not taking the piss, I am genuinely interested and I am grateful that you are sharing this with me, I want to be that confident sexual woman you said I should be.” Serena looked up as Bernie, the look alone could have made Bernie climax. How many times had she dreamt of Serena like this? She lost count of how many times she had fucked herself thinking of Serena, more at the start of their friendship before she had declared her feelings before they had agreed that they should be friends only.

“No Serena, please listen, this is a double-ended dildo.”

“What does that mean?” Serena honestly had no clue which caused Bernie to sigh with pure desperation and embarrassment.

“It means that on the end of it, the end in my shorts there is a smaller dildo which is inside me, and a textured base which presses on my....” words failed Bernie, so she just pointed to her crotch, the room suddenly fell silent again as Serena realised what had just been said.

“Oh right, and me doing this is causing you what exactly?” Serena asked as she wanked it again.

“Please stop.” Bernie whimpered.

“You’re saying stop but you don’t actually mean it do you, Bernie?” Serena asked her voice suddenly deeper and smooth like melted luxury chocolate.

“Please, stop, it’s not fair.”

“But you’re not pushing me away which makes me think you want this as much as I do.”

“Serena let’s not go there, we made a decision... Just friends.”

“But your still not pushing me away!!! Come on Bernie you feel it don’t you, that connection we have?”

“We are best friends Serena, of course, we have a connection.” Bernie’s voice wobbled.

“But you want more, you have always wanted, more haven’t you?” She gave Bernie a spilt second to nod her head. “Well, I want more too, I want you, like this... Right now, I want to fuck you.” Serena moaned as she tightens her grip on the dildo, as she pulled and pushed it.

“Serena” Came a warning tone. But before Bernie could protest anymore Serena retracted her hand and pulled her jumper up and over her head. Bernie’s eyes danced like fire as she got an eyeful of the large red lace-covered breasts.

“Serena, what are you doing?” Bernie moaned.

“Shh, Bernie, please let’s just enjoy each other, we have both waited so long,” Serena said as she undid her trousers, letting them fall to the floor, her firm bum encased in matching red lace.

“Will you show me what I have been missing?” Serena asked staring Bernie in the eye. Bernie stood speechless, the only sound to be heard was the hard pounding of her heart.

“Will you show me what I have been missing Major?” Serena repeated saying each word slowly as she took the hem of Bernie’s vest.

“You know I can never say no to you,” Bernie mumbled. Serena smirked and lift Bernie’s vest up and over her head.

“You are in such good shape Bernie, simply stunning,” Serena said as she held her lips millimetres away from Bernie’s.

“Do you want to kiss me?” she asked.

“Would you like me to kiss you? Bernie asked back having to mentally pinch herself not believing this was actually happening. She didn’t wait for the answer she pressed her lips against the plump rosy moist lips on offer to her. Serena moaned as they wrapped their arms around each other, their bra encased breasts pressed hard together. It was Serena who broke from the kiss gasping for air.

“You’re rather good at that.” She said with a smile, shocked at how she and Bernie just slotted perfectly together.

“Well as first kiss go it was pretty good.” Bernie hummed.

“I must say kissing a woman is so much nicer than kissing a man, no prickly facial stubble for one.”
They stood just looking at each other, Serena was worried Bernie was having second thoughts so jumped in before she could say anything.

“Come on then,” Serena said with an extremely flirtatious arched eyebrow. She moved so she was at the end of the bed, she stepped out of her knickers and kicked them to one side. She held on to the footboard, arched her back, making sure her arse was pointed out ready for the taking.

“Well?” she asked looking over her shoulder.

“Are you sure? because once we take this step we can’t go back.”

“After kissing me like that we can’t go back, so let’s just move forward.”

“This is what you want? Me I mean, because I am me, not because you're angry at Robbie, not because you just want sex? Because it’s me?”

“I want you Berenice Griselda Wolfe. I am dripping wet and that is all because of you Major, please, please come and fuck me hard.”
That was enough for Bernie to take the few steps forward, Serena resumed her position.

“No foreplay?” Bernie asked.

“Oh... Well... Err... Foreplay hasn’t really ever played a part in my sex life.” Serena was embarrassed.

“Is that because you don’t like it or because none of your lovers has wanted it?”

“Edward was never very good at it and Robbie just doesn’t give it... So...”

“Well, I am good at it and I love giving it so what do you say?”

“OK... Where do you want me?” Serena was a little flustered, her braveness slipping a little.

“Stay there, you look delicious.” Bernie knelt, crawled between Serena and the footrest of the bed, she looked up to see for herself just how wet and ready Serena was. This caused her to lick her lips.

“Oh... With your mouth?” She looked down to where Bernie was sitting.

“Is that OK?”

“I err, I haven’t ever climaxed through oral sex.” She confessed.

“Because you can’t or because no one has ever bothered trying?”

“Same answer as before.” Serena gave a nervous laugh.

“Challenge accepted, I promise you, Serena, I will make you cum.” Bernie’s voice vibrated through Serena.

“Oh fuck....” Serena moaned. Bernie sat up a bit straighter her nose directly level with the landing strip of pubic hair.

“I didn’t take you for a Brazilian wax kind of girl.” Bernie hummed as she allowed one strong and meaningful finger to run through the deviously wet folds in front of her. Serena was very responsive, thrusting her hips forward at the contact.

“That is not through personal choice, I’m more of a 70’s Bush kind of girl.” She moaned as Bernie repeated several more times the journey of her finger.

“I like a woman to be a real woman, I only ever shaved because it was more hygienic to in the army, never knowing when you might shower next.”

“Oh, Bernie....” Serena panted her heart now thumping aloud.

“Look at me Serena, I want you to look at me as you cum.” That was the last thing Bernie said as their eyes locked and her tongue replaced her path her finger had taken. Her first taste of Serena was simply divine, she hummed in appreciation, the vibrations inside causing Serena’s knees to go weak.
Bernie kisses and nibbled at Serena’s labia, she hadn’t had a woman who was all neatly packed away before and she was really enjoying herself, she opened her up like she was an expensive much-loved gift. All the time conveying to Serena just how gorgeous she was through her eyes. They had always had this connection, this shared skill to speak to each other with their eyes, a well-practised skill after all these years of working together in the theatre.

“Oh Bernie, you are amazing, so amazing....” Serena sighed with delight; she had a feeling like none she had ever experienced before, deep inside her stomach a burning that was increasing by the second.
Bernie made her tongue as long and as firm as she could before dipping the top of it onto Serena’s dripping entrance.

“Holy fuck.” Came a high-pitched cry, Bernie moaned to hear, see and feel the reaction that had on her lover, her sexy thighs terrible against Bernie’s face, Serena had for a brief moment closed her eyes and threw her head back. Bernie allowed her this for a few moments before retracting her tongue and replacing it with two curved fingers, moving her tongue to focus her attention on Serena’s clit.

“Look at me, darling.” Bernie purred. Serena’s eyes shot open and stared deep into Bernie’s.
“I’m going to make you cum now darling.”

“Oh yes Bernie, please..... Please....” Serena begged. Bernie ticked and sucked and kissed the swollen clit before her, her fingers filled the wet pussy, the delicious sound of wetness echoed around the room, matched by moans and groans and mumbled words of pleasure. Bernie could feel the muscles tighten around her fingers, she curled them a little more and felt the familiar rough-textured tissue deep inside Serena. With Bernie’s free hand she grabbed Serena’s hand and moved it to her head, Bernie gasped with delight as Serena grabbed a fistful of the blonde locks and pushed her head closer onto her pussy.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!” Serena came hard and long; Bernie didn’t let up she pushed her further and one orgasm turned into two then rapidly three... Bernie wanted to pull one more from her lover but Serena’s legs could no longer hold her up.

“You OK?” Bernie asked looking up at the hunch up panting body above her.

“That was.....” Serena was breathing so heavily talking was a little difficult. “that was, like nothing I have ever experienced before.” She stated still in a wonderful shocking state.

“I promised you an orgasm, now tell me have you ever tasted yourself?” Bernie asked as she stood.

“Only from my own hand,” Serena confessed?

“Come here,” Bernie said as she runs two damp, wrinkled up fingers to her lover’s lips. Serena took them in her mouth and sucked on them, Bernie pulled them out of Serena's mouth with a pop.

“You taste delicious, don’t you?”

“I taste good off of you.”

“Have you ever tasted yourself off your lovers’ tongue?”

“Oh fuck, you say the sexist things Wolfe.” And with that their lips crashed together, Bernie’s tongue rolled around Serena’s mouth, soft moans of delight filled the room as they could both feel their own and each other’s arousal grows.

“You OK to continue standing?” Bernie asked as she broke from the kiss.

“More?” Serena seems surprised.

“If you want more, I am wearing this for your pleasure.”

“I would like more” Serena was so used for a quick twenty minute fuck that she couldn’t believe she was being offered more.”

“Good back in position then solider,” Bernie instructed with a smirk. Serena regained her original position, hands on the footrest of the bed, arched back, arse out. Bernie went to her bedside cabinet and retrieved a bottle of lube.

“Would you like me to use this?”

“What is it?”

“It’s lube.”

“Oh I, err, I...... “

“Serena it’s OK, I use it a lot, being the age I am and the menopause hasn’t been kind in so many ways, I find this just helps nature on its way a bit.”

“Thank you, yes please.” Serena had never experienced this type of care before, the truth was she needed the lube for the same reason Bernie did, Robbie wasn’t keen on it said it reduced the friction which made it hard to climax. The truth was sex with him was often a little painful because of the dryness.

Bernie covered the dildo expertly and stood behind Serena. She kisses down her back muttering words of affection. Taking the dildo in her hand, she guided it into the entrance of Serena’s, pink, welcoming entrance. She watched as Serena took a deep breath waiting for her to fill her.

“Are you comfortable with this size, or would you like a smaller one?” Bernie asked as she lined it up.

“Go gentle with me to start, it’s bigger than I have ever had..... But I want it, I want to be filled to be stretched.” She moaned. And that was exactly what Bernie did, she slowly, so slowly pushed her dildo inside of Serena.

“Oh god yes, fuck.... Yes.” Serena growled as Bernie filled her.

“That OK? Not painful?” Bernie asked cautiously.

“I love that you are so caring Bernie, I have never had this type of care and attention before. It feels tight but so good.”

“Should I continue to go slow still?”

“A bit faster, build me up, give me a good hard pounding please,” Serena begged. Bernie smirked as she gripped Serena’s hips firmly, enough that her fingers would leave a mark. She pulled the entire length of the dildo out, she paused just long enough for Serena to whimper and then she trusted it back in hard and fast.

“Oh my god... Jesus Bernie yes, good god yes, fuck me, hard baby, please.”

Bernie smiled at the use of the word baby she could get used to being called that by Serena. Bernie followed the instructions and pounded away bringing Serena to yet another heated climax. She watched as Serena threw her head back, arched her back like a taught bow, watched as her knees shook as she edged closer and closer to her orgasm.

“Yes, just there, that is perfect.” She moaned as she as Bernie pushed the dildo that tiny bit more inside her lover. Three more thrusts and Serena cried out very loudly as she came hard.
Bernie hadn’t climaxed, not because she didn’t want to but because her full attention was on Serena’s needs.

“That was... Oh god, Bernie, that was....” Serena panted unable to form a full sentence.

“That was for starters,” Bernie informed her.

“What?”

“Oh come on don’t tell me after all that you’re a one orgasm kind of girl?”

“Well I have never had the option of more....and actually I think that was my fourth one of the night.”

“Well, who’s counting, come on let me show you how I treat my ladies,” Bernie said as she sharply withdrew the dildo from Serena. She whimpered at the loss of it but before she could grumble Bernie had spun her around and had walked her backwards until they hit the wall. She effortlessly lifted Serena in the air and lowered her back down so slowly onto the dildo, even though Serena was now accustomed to the stretch it provided, she still gasped loudly as it filled her and hit her g spot perfectly.

“Wrap your legs around me.” Bernie order and Serena did what she was told immediately.
“Take off your bra.” Came the second-order and she supported all of Serena’s weight to allow her a few moments off the wall to reach behind and undo the fastening. She threw her bra over Bernie’s shoulder and sighed loudly as Bernie slammed her back against the wall.

“They are just as I imagined.” Bernie groaned as she dipped her head and took a stiff nipple on her mouth.

“Holy fuck!” Serena cried out much louder than before as Bernie sucked on her nipple like her life depended on it. “You are so bloody good at this... Oh, Bernie.” Serena moaned, her arms wrapped around Bernie’s shoulders her fingers scratching up and down her back.

“Yes, that’s so good.” Bernie for the first time allowed herself to enjoy both the physical and emotional pleasure she was experiencing, she contended now she had allowed Serena four amazing orgasm already.

“Yes, Bernie... Does this make you feel good?”

“Mmm, so good, I always knew you would enjoy being fucked like this.”

“You have imagined this?” Serena pants.

“So many times, I never thought it would actually happen.”

“How long have you wanted me like this Bernie?”

“Engine been growling or whining?” Bernie moaned as she pushed that bit harder.

“Really? Oh fuck Bernie, I have been so blind, I’m so sorry.”

“Meaning?” Bernie slowed her pace a little to focus on what Serena was saying.

“No, no don’t stop, we can talk later... I need to see you cum darling, please, please cum for me.” Serena moaned and groaned; her grip became tighter as Bernie trusted into her.

“Yes, Jesus Christ... Yes, oh, Serena... Oh, uh, uh, uh..... Yes!!!!!” Bernie came hard, harder than she can ever remember.

“God You’re so beautiful.” Serena whaled as her fifth climax of the night hit.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 4

They laid in bed, Bernie on her back, Serena curled into her, her head resting on her lover’s chest.

“You are amazing Bernie; I never knew sex could be like this.”

“Can I ask you something?” Bernie mumbled.

“Yes of course.”

“you said earlier you have been blind what does that mean?”

“It means that I have not seen what is right in front of me. I like you Bernie, more than like you actually have for a while.”

“How long?” Bernie asked shocked.

“You know that night we went to that little Italian the one with the extensive wine list.”

“That was the night I told you I fancied you. The night we decided to be just friends.”

“I was scared Bernie, I had never been more than friends with another woman and well, you terrified me.”

“Terrified you?”

“I’m sorry, not exactly what you wanted to hear.”

“Not exactly no,” Bernie stated sadly.

“I was so scared about my feelings, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to touch you to taste you commit to you but it was all so alien to me, and I worried what people would say.”

“People?”

“Jason, Ellie, Edward...Fletch, Ric... Everyone. I have a reputation and well this was so different. Stupid I know, because all that matters is my happiness and your happiness. What we feel for each other. I know that now.”

“Why didn’t you say something, that night was over two years ago?” Bernie was now sat up and had put some distance between them.

“Because it was unfair on you, I was messing you about, playing with your emotions. I wanted to tell you, got very close to telling you many times, even nearly acted upon it a few times too. But then you started dating and I met Robbie and well that brought us to this situation.”

“And what happens now?” Bernie asked.

“Well, I want to see you again.”

“We work together, you will see me pretty much every day.”

“Don’t be sarcastic..... I mean it I would like this to continue.”

“You would?” Bernie asked nervously.

“I really would, we are good together Bernie, we are best friends, we get on great, we like the same things, have the same interests, the dream team at work, clearly very compatible sexually and I want to see if we could be compatible as a couple.”

“Not just because Robbie is a prat and you need more?”

“No, because we have waited long enough for this... For us to happen and we are both mature enough to know that when it feels right it feels right.”

“What about Robbie?” Bernie asked carefully.

“Well I will finish with him, I will go round there tomorrow and call the whole thing off.”

“He won’t What like that.”

“I don’t care, I am too old to play games Bernie and I have been so stupid over making a decision concerning us so far, if we are doing this then I want to do it properly. What about Alex?” Serena asked.

“She leaves next Friday, for a 9-month tour in the Middle East.”

“Will you tell her about us or just let her go?”

“I don’t think she needs to know my business we aren’t a couple so there is no need to break up.”

“Will you sleep with her before she goes?” Serena asked a real pain of jealousy revealed itself.”

“If you are serious about giving us a try, I have no plans or desires to have sex with anyone else ever again. You’re the one for me Serena, always have been, I think that is why all my dates have failed, I have been holding out for you.”

They looked into each other's eyes and smiled, Serena moved forward and kissed Bernie firmly making sure she expressed herself, her love and her want in that one kiss. Serena’s hands twisted in Bernie’s hair, she sighed.

“I have waited so long to run my fingers through your hair, such unruly hair.” She hummed rubbing golden strands between her fingers.

“That feels so good.” Bernie moaned softly.

“You know you said that you are always the wearer because no one has ever done it for you before?”

“What darling?”

“The strap on”

“Oh right yes.”

“Do you think I would be the one who does that for you, I want to make you feel good.”

“You have made me feel good... I have climaxed tonight you know.”

“Not as many times as me,” Serena said with a little blush.

“I don’t keep score,” Bernie confessed.

“I do.” Serena laughed. “I want to learn Bernie, the whole lesbian sex scene, I want to learn how to pleasure you, darling.”

“You have pleasured me, very much so in fact.”

“You know what I mean, I want to learn how to pleasure you with my fingers and my mouth..... You want me to pleasure you like that, don’t you... Or do you only climax with toys, I mean you have an impressive collection so am I right thinking you need them?”

“No...Good god no...... I would love you to use your mouth and hands, I have the toys because to me toys are just sex, real lovemaking is fingers and tongue. Does that make sense?”

“It does, but I would like to experience wearing a strap on for you if you would like that.”

“I most certainly would, I have imagined it you know..... How you would look wearing it, how it would fear inside me.” Bernie now flushed at the thought of it.

“The shorts won’t fit me, but do you have a harness?” Serena asked.

“I think I do, stay there.” Bernie jumped off the bed, her stunning naked body danced around the bedroom as she looked indifferent drawers and cupboards.

“Here we are, I thought I had thrown it.”

“Glad you didn’t,” Serena smirked.

“Want me to help, it can be confusing.”

“Please,” Serena said standing in front of Bernie.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Serena asked placing her hands on Bernie’s hips.

“You’re a fine one to talk, you are simply stunning.” Bernie repaid the compliment.

“Does it scare you how easy this all is?” Serena asked.

“How easy it was to take that step from friends to lovers?” Bernie asked back.

“Yes, that too but also how natural it feels just to see you naked, to be naked in front of you, to touch and kiss you like we have been doing it for years.”

“No, it doesn’t scare me, I have been waiting for this, for so long. Does it scare you?”

“Are you kidding me, I love it.” Serena was going to add I love you but thought better of it. “help me in then.”

****************************************************

“This looks good on you, very sexy,” Bernie mumbled into a kiss.

“You sure this is big enough for you?” Serena asked referring to the smaller black dildo in the harness.

“It’s been a long time since I have been penetrated Serena, I like the 6 inch one, it feels good.” She reassured her lover. “Does it feel comfortable?”
She asked back and Serena answered with a nod. This one wasn’t double-ended but it did have a textured base which was pressing against Serena’s clit nicely.

“So, how should we do this?” Serena asked as they stood at the foot of the bed. “I don’t think I am strong enough to do what we did earlier.”

“I am happy with any position, what would you like?” Bernie asked.

“I’d like to watch you,” Serena explained her voice suddenly low and gravelly. If I lay on my back and you on top."

“Perfect” Bernie led Serena to the bed, she watched as she climbed in and laid down. “Can I suggest made you sit up more, rest against the headboard?”

“OK,” Serena moved as advised.

Bernie retrieved the bottle of lube off the bedside cabinet before crawling onto the bed. Serena watched as Bernie flipped open the top of the bottle and drizzled from a height the slipper clear fluid over the toy. Serena swallowed hard as it trickled down the shaft of the dildo, surprised at how erotic the vision was.

Bernie moved on her knees, to get closer to Serena, she lifted one leg and swung it over Serena. Serena sat starring at Bernie, she gasped as she saw for the first time the glistening wetness of her pussy. Bernie hovered above the dildo teasing herself and Serena with the anticipation of her sinking down on it.

“Stop, wait.” Serena cried as she held out her hands.

“Wait what... What’s wrong... Oh god, you don’t want this, I have turned you off haven’t I... God... “

“No, no..... Anything but...... I am very turned on….trust me very... Seeing your beautiful body, seeing how wet you are... I would like a better look at you before we fuck.... I want you... I have a request.”

“A request?”

“Sit on my face, Bernie.”

“Sorry?”

“You heard me, sit on my face, I want to taste you. I want to make you cum with my mouth.”

“Are you sure?”

“More than….please...... Show me, Bernie, fuck my face.”

“You have a very dirty mouth Ms Campbell; you always act so prim and proper... Truth is your filthy.”

“So filthy, so why don’t you put this filthy dirty mouth to use?” Serena asked her right eyebrow raised as she bit her bottom lip. Bernie moved to allow Serena to scoot down the bed into a laying position.

“Tell me if it’s too much, or if you don’t like it.” Bernie touched Serena’s face gently with her hand.

“What shall I do? I want to do it right” she asked back.

“Do whatever comes naturally darling.”

Bernie repositioned herself, her knees against Serena’s ears. Serena’s hands take a firm grip on Bernie’s hips. She licks her lips and pulled Bernie closer.

“Mmm... You smell amazing.” She mumbled as she inhaled deeply. Bernie gasped at the words and actions of her lover. Serena took her first swipe, her tongue moving slowly along Bernie’s labia.

“Oh wow... God.”

Serena enjoyed being the cause of these delicious moans and groans. She became braver and licked more, poking her tongue deeper this time, right in between Bernie’s soft folds. She knew she had done something right because Bernie’s hips trusted forward and her breathing increased.

“Just there, yes just like that.” Bernie cried and rolled her hips, fucking Serena’s face as instructed.

“Yes... Yes...... Oh, Serena yes... Harder please.”
Serena did as she was told she made her tongue as hard as she could and pressed it on the little bud of nerves, she knew was Bernie’s clit. She was amazed as to how it felt, how she tastes, how she rocked back and forth her chin was covered with Bernie’s wetness, her nose tickled with the small patch of soft brown pubic hair.

“Oh Christ Serena, oh my darling, yes, yes. I’m going to cum.”

Serena retracted her hands from Bernie’s hips and moved them straight up to Bernie’s breasts she pitched and pulled at the erect nipples.

“Holy fuck......” Bernie came with a loud cry; her thighs shook and her hips trusted. Serena kept licking until Bernie moved off her.

“Are you sure you haven’t done that before?” She asked as bent to kiss Serena. “I taste good on your lips.” She moaned.

“Get on top of me now, I want to see this cock inside you.”

“There is that filthy mouth of yours again Campbell,” Bernie smirked she had always wished that Serena would be like this, the orders turned her on, the bluntness was a thrill... She needed this as much as Serena did.

Bernie moved and Serena sat up, her back against the headboard. She held out her hand to support Bernie as she straddled her.

“Nice and slowly... That’s it let me see you take it all in.” Serena explained as she guided Bernie down onto the black silicone dildo. Bernie’s hands reached out for the headboard for balance, she moved slightly so the shaft was in perfect position, and she slowly, really slowly sank down onto it.
Bernie couldn’t help but let her eyes flutter shut, her head naturally falling back as she adjusts to the fullness.

“Does that feel good darling?” Serena asked bringing Bernie back. Her head snapped back and her eyes opened and she was met with a complete look of love and desire.

“Yes, amazing, even more so because you are on the other end of it.” She moaned.

“God, you’re so beautiful Bernie, so very beautiful” Serena lent forward and kissed Bernie’s neck, her head fell back again, which elongated her delicious long neck. Serena kissed and nibbled her way up and down her neck, low wobbly moans vibrated through them both.

Bernie rolls her hips, trying to find a rhythm that feels good for them both, a full roll and a thrust and they both groan loudly. Bernie reached out for Serena their upper bodies passed together their arms wrapped around each other.

They like this rhythm, it’s slow and firm, deep and strong, they keep it so, even though there is the temptation to move faster, to fuck each other fast and hard.

“Kiss me.” Bernie moans as their nipples rub together, she presses lower onto the dildo which in turn causes her to grind down hard on the base that is pressed against Serena.

“You keep doing that and I will cum.” Serena moaned into the wet sloppy kiss, as she thrusts upwards with her hips.

The orgasm builds and builds both aware of the other like they were one for those few moments, and then with a deeper thrust and roll and they both fell over the edge.

“Look at me Bernie, look at me while we make love.”

Bernie held onto Serena for dear life, cradling her lovers face with one hand, the orgasm seemed to go on and on, each wave crashed like the rough sea on a stormy day. They both cried and moaned and cursed repeatedly as they came together.

Chapter Text

Let Me Help

Chapter 5

Serena woke, she looked around the room for a minute wondering where the hell she was, then saw the harness and dildo on the floor. All those lovely memories filled her head and she hummed happily as she reached out for Bernie. But the bed as empty, the sheets cold. She checked her phone it was 3:27 am, she needed a pee and to find Bernie. She padded over to the ensuite on wobbly legs, she ached all over, but how delicious was that feeling.

She found her jumper on the floor and pulled it over her head before venturing out into the apartment to find Bernie. She did not have to look far Bernie was on her balcony smoking, she opened the balcony door and made Bernie Jump.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Serena explained.

“No, I’m sorry, you must have been worried when you woke up and I wasn’t there,” Bernie said as she held out her arms for a cuddle.

“I did worry that you had changed your mind, that in the cold light of day you decided that I wasn’t worth taking a risk on.”

“Are you kidding me, the complete opposite actually, I was thinking about the two week holiday I have booked for Greece, and if you would like to come with me, or we could change the destination if you don’t fancy Greece, or you don’t have to come at all if you don’t want too.……..it’s entirely up to you,” Bernie explained as she held Serena close.

“Really?”

“Yes really, I very much want to be with you Serena, as a partner, a lover, a colleague, a friend………I want it all.” Bernie was greeted with a passionate kiss. “I have been thinking though about Robbie,” Bernie explained when the kiss broke.

“What about him?” Serena asked cautiously.

“I don’t think it’s fair for you to finish with him and then jump into a new relationship.”

“What?”

“You will be branded a cheat Serena and I don’t want that and I know you don’t either.”

“OK, so what do you suggest?”

“Either break up with him and wait to announce our relationship so it’s not rubbing salt in the wound or don’t break up with him yet and see me in secret, let us build the foundations of our relationship in private.”

“Don’t you want me?” Serena asked with a shiver.

“You’re frozen, come on inside, let me explain better.” Bernie led the way back into the apartment, she went to the kitchen and flicked the kettle on.

“I’m confused, you were just talking about a holiday in the sun and now…”

“No, listen please, Robbie isn’t going to be happy being dumped, is he? He won’t like it if you finish with him full stop let alone for someone else, let alone a woman. You are already on rocky ground with him, why not continue as you are with him and with any hope, he will finish with you first. Then us getting together will not be as big of a drama. If he finds out you are cheating on him, he will make your life hell. You were so worried about what people would think and say about us, worried enough that you have not acted on your feelings for two years if we announce our relationship all those feelings of worry will play out. Imagine Edward, he would have a bloody field day. Why not enjoy the privacy, get to know each other better, go out for dinner, the cinema and dancing, I would love you take you dancing, then when Robbie has had enough of you, we can tell the world that we are in love and together.”

“In love?” Serena asked with a smirk on her face.

“I have loved you for a very long time, I hope one day you will love me back.” Bernie poured the boiling hot water into a mug.

“I think I already do love you Bernie, have done for some time too.”

“Which makes this whole situation a hell of a lot harder.” She stated as she handed the coffee to Serena. “So, what do you think about my plan?” She asked as she sat on the sofa next to Serena, instantly holding her arm open for a hug. Serena snuggled in net to her and Bernie pulled the throw off the back of the sofa over them to warm them up.

“I suppose it does make sense. I would like to see how our relationship plays out away from prying eyes and unwanted opinions. I want to get to know the intimate, romantic side of Berenice Wolfe.”

“Don’t you think you know me well enough after the amazing time we have spent together tonight?” Bernie asked.

“Not enough, and I am enjoying finding out new things about you, for example, you love cuddles, there was no way I would ever put you down as being this cuddly, and you are loud in bed, I love that you scream my name when you orgasm. For some reason, I was excepting you to be quiet and shy.”

“Have I disappointed you?” Bernie asked.

“Absolutely not, you have just stoked the fire more.”

“Is it too early to say I love you?” Bernie asked shyly.

“I thought we already had,” Serena replied slowly kissing Bernie’s neck.

“Can I say it again then?”

“Darling you can say it as many times as you like, I don’t think I will ever grow bored of hearing it.”

“I love you, Serena, with all my heart and I promise I will always take care of you, I will always have your back.”

“I know you will, and I feel the same, I am just so sorry it has taken me this long to act on it”

“We have all the time in the world now, we just need Robbie out of the way.”

“And what about Alex?”

“I won’t sleep with her again, I won’t tell her about us either, she is friends with Robbie. I just won’t see her; I think the only date we have booked is the Royal Military Ball, but you and Robbie will be there anyway.”

“So, I have a question, what happens if he wants to make up and accepts my need for sex toys?” Serena asked worriedly.

“I don’t think he will somehow and if he does then do what you must do.”

“Meaning?”

“Whatever you think is right at that moment, if that is to argue with him, or sleep with him…..I won't dictate to you what you should and shouldn’t do.”

“But ideally you wouldn’t want me to sleep with him, right?”

“No ideally I would like you to be mine and only mine but I understand that sometimes life throws obstacles in the way and I want you to know that you are free and well supported in the choices you make. I do not want to be like Robbie Serena, I want you to feel in control of your own life.”

“You think Robbie controls me?” Serena sat up and looked at Bernie.

“How do you think Robbie treats you?”

“I asked first,” Serena replied in an authorised tone.

“OK, yes I think Robbie controls you, he is very clever at manipulating situations to make you believe they are your choices.”

“Such as?”

“Before you met him you had lovely short hair and you were embracing your grey, however suddenly you are dying it again and you have grown it.”

“He said I look a lot younger with it darker and longer.”

“OK, but do you like it?"

" No, not really," Serena said sadly.

" You spend all of your time at his place, very rarely ever at your home.”

“We have more privacy at his home, it's limited at mine because of Jason.”

“You don’t have family days with Jason anymore.”

“Robbie finds Jason exhausting, and he is exhausting.”

“I know he is I have taken your place on those family days; I spend more time with him than I do my own kids. Which I love by the way. Jason is a brilliantly funny and caring young man.”

“I thought it was Alan that he was meeting up with, but it was you?” Serena looked bewildered.

“I have loved our days out, he is a fountain of knowledge, you should get a guided tour around the British Museum from him.”

“How else does he control me then?”

“That stupid diet you have been on, the sudden dramatic reduction of Shiraz and I understand from Jason you have cancelled your wine subscription.”

“He just wants me to be healthy.”

"Do you miss your wine?"

"God yes."

“What are you wearing to the Ball?”

“A black dress.”

“What do you want to wear?”

“I wanted to wear a red dress, a backless one.”

“So why aren’t you wearing that?”

“Robbie said that it would clash with his uniform, he explained that it will look better if we complement each other.”

“I understand but his uniform is black, red doesn’t clash with black it compliments it. Also, you should wear what is comfortable and what you want to wear. But I will stop talking now.” Bernie was aware she had probably said enough.

“OK, we can do this, can we plan a few dates now, so I have something to look forward too?” Serena asked her worry clearly on show.

They sat up and talked for several hours and they fell asleep in each other’s arms snuggled on the sofa. It was Serena’s phone ringing that woke them at 10 am.

“Hello” Serena croaked as she answered it.

“Oh Robbie, hi, how are you?” Bernie sat up and stretched listening to the conversation, which Serena put on the loudspeaker.

“Where are you, I am stood outside your house?”

“I am at Bernie’s; we were working on a new proposal for the hospital.” Serena lied.

“You went there this morning knowing that I was taking you out for the day?”

“No, I came over last night, clearly I fell asleep didn’t I, we worked until late.”

“What did you eat? Did you get drunk?”

“We had a takeaway and a bottle of wine, but I wasn’t drunk, just sleepy.”

“I bet you were drunk and ate unhealthily, what are you doing now?”

“I am sat on her sofa talking to you.”

“Don’t be sarcastic Serena its not becoming.” Serena turned to Bernie who held her hand and smiled softly. “I mean what are your plans for today, we had a day out booked.”

“I’m sorry Robbie, I wasn’t sure if it would still be on, you haven’t spoken to me or text me in a few days, so I assumed it was off.”

“I just needed some space Serena, you really hurt my feelings.”

“Well I’m sorry you feel like that Robbie but you made me feel rather rejected.”

“Because I want to have sex without the assistance of a vibrator?”

“Yes actually, that is exactly it, I needed that extra bit of intervention to help me.”

“I told you then and I will say it again Serena, I have never had any complaints, if you need a vibrator then something is wrong with you. Call me when you accept that and we can move on from this stupidity.”

"What if I can't accept it?" Serena asked bravely.

"It's me or the vibrator, Serena, you're meant to be an intelligent woman, work it out." With that, he put the phone down and Serena burst into tears.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you my love, you are amazing and beautiful and sensual and he needs his bloody head testing. Please don’t listen to him, please.” Bernie begged.

“I better go,” Serena mumbled.

“No…. don’t go not yet, we aren’t on shift until tonight, please stay here with me, let me run you a bath, I will prepare brunch and we will enjoy each other’s company.”

“What if he is right what if I am damaged.”

“You climaxed last night several times without a sex toy being involved.”

“But we also had to use one for the main event, didn’t we?”

“Because we wanted to, not because we needed to.”

“What if I need it?”

“Then you can pick whatever toy you bloody well want to use. If that is what you want and need then that is what we will do. I will never complain darling. Come with me.” Bernie said as she stood and held out her hand for Serena.

“Where are we going?”

“We are going to bed; we are going to make love.”

“But”

“No, but’s………not unless you really don’t want to, that is," Bernie reassured her.

“I want you; I want to feel normal.”

“What is normal anyway?” Bernie hummed as she led Serena to the bed.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 6

In the time it took for them to return to the bedroom, Serena’s phone had pinged four more times.

“Sorry,” she said apologetically looking at her phone AGAIN. “He is apologizing.” She explained showing the phone to Bernie.

‘Serena, look I’m sorry, I think I am going about this all wrong. I shouldn’t be angry, I should be treating you like a Queen. I love you so much, I think we need to have a good long chat about us and where we want this relationship to go. Let’s meet for lunch. My treat, I will pick you up at 1 pm Xxx’

Bernie shrugged her shoulders, she didn’t know exactly what Serena wanted her to do.

“Sounds like he might propose to you, either that or he is going to finish with you.” She said and a flash of fear shot across Serena’s face.

“What time do you need to go?” Bernie all but whispered not wanting to hear the possible answer. Serena looked at her and then back to the phone without answering.

“Can we at least have a cuddle before you leave?” Bernie asked wrapping her arms around Serena.

“Bernie… err…. I don’t think this is a good idea.” Serena mumbled, not making eye contact.

“Going back to bed?” Bernie asked confused.

“No, this…us… whatever this is… I can’t be a cheat, Bernie not after the way Edward treated me. It's not fair on Robbie, or me, or you.” Serena suddenly sprung into gear, collecting her clothes from the floor and getting dressed.

“No please Serena don’t, please if you’re worried about being a cheat, just dumb him now, ignore the stupid plan.” Bernie followed her around the room in a panic.

“No, it’s not just that, us this…. It won’t work, we are friends, bloody good friends we should never have crossed that line”

“Bull shit… No, not after last night, not after all the things we did and said. How we both felt, we want to be together, we love each other. We were planning a holiday, a future together. Serena, please. You don’t love Robbie, you are very unsatisfied by him, your relationship is over…. Why not embrace ours, like you have wanted to for two years…. Please, Serena.” Bernie was now crying. As she begged.

“I’m sorry, it's not you or him….. It’s me, I got caught up in it all last night, the passion and want… it was wrong of me.”

“I warned you, Serena, I warned you that if we took that step it would change us forever. I asked you if you were doing it because you wanted to because you wanted me, not just sex…. You said you wanted me, you said you loved me.” Bernie felt sick, she had been used and was now being rejected.

“Please Bernie don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. We are best friends, let's focus on that.” Serena patted Bernie on the back.

“And pretend this never happened?” Bernie asked wiping her face.

“If that helps…. Yes “ Serena still couldn’t look at her.

“I don’t think sweeping it all under a carpet, mends a broken heart.” Bernie faced Serena, she was completely broken when Serena looked up, she saw the pain and shame in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Serena stepped forward and kissed her firmly on the lips before turning and walking away, her tears now fogging her vision.

***************************************

Come 2 pm Bernie found herself at a loss, she had cleaned the apartment, changed the bedding, showered. Sat and cried, screamed at the pain of her heartbreaking. She didn’t know what to do with herself so she did what she did best, she changed into her running gear and started running.

She didn’t have a destination or a plan for how far she would go, she just runs, she needed the headspace to process it all, the night before, the words they had spoken, the feelings they felt.

Then she had to try to work out exactly why Serena had bolted. She knew Serena loved her, wanted her. The way they were together it wasn’t just sex….it was love. Was she scared of Robbie, scared of what her friends and family would say? She knew Elinor loved Robbie, thought he was the perfect match for her mum. Was the thought of telling everyone too much for Serena? And how on God’s sweet earth was she ever going to work alongside her again, knowing how it feels to be loved by her, knowing the sounds she makes in bed, how she pleaded with her to make her cum, knowing how she tasted…..

“You stupid, stupid idiot.” Bernie cursed herself when she realised she was opposite Serena’s house. “of fucking course “ she mumbled as she saw Robbie’s car nestled next to Serena’s on the drive. “Fuck you…. And fuck me for caring.” She started crying, she couldn’t control the tears, she turned and started running, this time at a much faster pace, she took a left down a little muddy footpath, then a right and crossed on a zebra crossing, it had started to rain and before she knew it, she found herself on the floor covered in mud.

“Fuck” she shouted as she felt the terrible pain ring through her body.

“Are you OK?” A youngish looking man asked as he stood over her.

“I tripped on that bloody curb” she moaned as she assessed the damage. Both palms were cut and bleeding, her forearms both grazed and covered with tiny pieces of gravel and her knees the same.

“You hit your head it’s bleeding.” He pointed out and Bernie’s hand instantly went to the spilt above her right eye.

“Shit.” She groaned. “That’s gonna hurt.”

“Do you live far; can I give you a lift home, or do you need the hospital?” The bloke asked sincerely.

“No, no hospital, I’m a doctor, believe it or not, I don’t need medical attention, just a good wash and a few plasters.” Bernie looked around her. “Err where am I exactly, I was completely in the zone and I don’t recognise this particular street.”

“You’re in Latimer Street. Where do you live?”

“The new complex near the river.”

“Wow serious runner then, that’s about 10 miles away. Come on Let’s get you home.”

“It’s too far, I will call a cab.”

“No, please don’t, let me help, I don’t live far from you, I was just picking up my son from a party when I saw you fall. Let me show him how you should treat people.”

“Thank you.” Bernie smiled as she was helped up.

*****************************************
Bernie’s shift started a whole hour before Serena’s which she was very grateful for. When she arrived Nurse Jackson had spotted the limp and poorly plastered hands and head. She was immediately concerned and ushered her onto her office with a trolley ready to assessed them and dressed them properly.

“Well, you can’t treat patients for the next few days, Ms Wolfe, not until all of these clean up.” She started as she cleaned the tiny bits of grit out.

“Imagine putting hand Sanitizer on those. I am amusing you will be office bound and catching up on all that admit?” She asked with a smirk as she nodded to the three high piles on notes on her desk. “You need some butterfly stitches on your head.” Bernie rolled her eyes she was beyond annoyed with herself.

“Shall I change the rotas so Ms. Campbell and Mr Di Lucca complete the electives?”

“Yes please.” Bernie smiled, grateful in many ways that her injuries were bad enough to keep her off the ward and out of theatre which would mean out of Serena’s way, she sat very still as Donna finished treating her head.

“You must be in pain, let me get you some pain relief and a drink,” Donna said piling all the packaging from the bandages on the top of the trolley.

“Nothing too strong I haven’t eaten,” Bernie confessed ashamedly.

“Why on earth not, you need to find yourself a good woman, someone who would look after you properly.” Donna smiled and Bernie burst into tears.

“Oh, Ms Wolfe, I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m just worried about you. I’m sorry. Please don’t on her yourself upset. Why don’t I go and get you some food and a coffee then you can have some of the good stuff.” Donna held Bernie as she cried, she could feel she was completely exhausted and limp. “I’ll be back soon.”

 

*****************************************

 

Serena pulled up into her usual parking space, the carpark was relatively empty and she grew concerned when she couldn’t see Bernie’s car. Surely she wasn’t going to pull a sickie to avoid seeing her.
Serena joined the queue for pluses, spotting Donna glazing at the sandwiches.

“Not like you to get shop brought lunches.” She mumbled behind her.

“Oh, Ms Campbell, you made me jump…. It’s not for me it’s for Ms Wolfe. You know what she likes, help me.” She pleaded.

“It’s not like her to send staff on errands.”

“Oh no she hasn’t, she was involved in an accident today.”

“What?” Serena asked urgently. “What happened was she hurt.”

“Hurt enough that she was unable to drive to work, she had to get a cab, but I don’t think she is well enough to be here actually,” Donna explained using that it’s not really gossip tone. “I have cleaned her up and dressed the wounds. She was out running and fell. Only after I offered her pain relief did she confess to not eating or drinking all day. No wonder she felt dizzy. So I’m here buying her food so she can refuel and take some meds. When I joked about her needing to find a good woman to take care of her she burst into tears…… I mean Ms I’m a scary Army Major with no emotions Wolfe actually sobbing and holding on to me for dear life.” Donna was talking so fast it was exhausting trying to keep up with her.

“Donna, get them to make a hot bacon bap, red and brown sauce, a nice sticky pastry and two double-shot lattes and whatever you want. Here take this and tell the blonde at the till it’s for Bernie, she had a soft spot for her.” Serena shoved two twenty pound notes into her hand and made for the lifts.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 7

Serena could see Bernie had her head down on the desk when she approached the office, the nurses trolley still piled with packages next to her.

“What happened,” Serena said as she entered the room instantly closing the door and rushing to Bernie’s side.

“Oh, nothing I’m fine…. Just a stupid fall. It’s OK.” Bernie insisted as she bolted up at the sound of Serena’s extremely concerned voice.

“Oh god, you hit your head. Please tell me you have had a CT and a full-body X-ray? Let me look, please” Serena reached out to touch her and Bernie pulled away abruptly.

“I’m fine, Donna has sorted me out, I haven’t broken anything, a sprained ankle and a few aches and pains. I will just be office based for a few days until it heals.”

“How bad is it exactly?”

“Just scratch’s and grazes.”

“Bernie please tell me, show me”

“Both knees, Donna had to pick some grit out, bandages are too big to go under my skinny jeans so I am sporting my scrubs. Then my hands and arms and head.” Bernie took off her hoodie and showed her wrist to elbow bandages.

“Do you want me to take another look at them, make sure they are as good as they can be?”

“No, I trust Donna,” Bernie said as she moved in her seat, a shot of pain made her wince.

“What else have you hurt? Don’t lie to me.” Serena folded her arms she meant business. Bernie knew she wouldn’t win this one.

My ribs, my left breast and my stomach. Didn’t want Donna to see those bits. I cleaned them and tried to dress them at home.”

“Right up on your feet, take off your top, let me see, please. I will lock the door so no one comes in.”

“There really isn’t any need,” Bernie said blushing.

“Oh come on, I have seen it all before,” Serena said softer but blushing.

“And that is exactly why it isn’t appropriate for you to see it all again.” Bernie pulled her hoodie so the front overlapped like she was putting a protective shield up.

“Oh Bernie please, we are both adults….. Please don’t let what happened between us last night ruin our friendship.”

“It hasn’t ruined our friendship; it has killed it, you used me and have now rejected me, how do you think, this happened” Bernie pointed out her injuries. “I was trying to run away, run over 10 miles, past your house, where I spotted Robbie’s car, don’t know why I was surprised at that, just maybe thought you had enough decency to wait until you jumped into bed with him and then I was crying so much I tripped and fell.” Bernie was fighting not to cry now and was eternally grateful for Donna’s appearance at the door not allowing Serena a chance to reply.

“Right, you, here is a delicious bacon and sausage sarnie, both red and brown sauce, a sticky Belgium bun and strong coffee. I can’t believe you haven’t eaten at all today, you’re a doctor I would have thought you would understand that food gives you energy. She said cheerfully but noticing the tension in the room.

“Thank you, how much do I owe you?” she asked as started to lean forward to get her bag, but stopped as Donna spoke.

“Oh no, this one is on Ms Campbell.”

“Well that’s not happening, how much was it please.” She asked again as she continued to lean forward.

“Ouch…” she cried.

“Bernie…” Serena jumped forward helping Bernie to sit upright.

“I’m fine.” Bernie shrugged Serena off again.

“What else have you hurt Ms Wolfe?” Donna asked.

“I’m fine, can’t either of you understand that.”

“She had hurt her ribs, breast and stomach and won’t let me assess her, she is being completely childish” Serena bluntly spat out
.

“I don’t want you to touch me,” Bernie said through grief teeth.

“Hey, hey you two…. have you had a lovers tiff?”

“What?” they both said looking at Donna.

“Why would you say that?” Serena asked.

“Well, you are best mates…. I always say to my bestie that we are worst than lovers when we argue. You are so much more invested in friendships sometimes, my bestie knows stuff about me I wouldn’t even tell a priest.” She laughed.

“Don’t assume you know anything about our relationship Nurse Jackson, emotional investment doesn’t rank high here.” Bernie snapped.

“OK, well I will leave you to it,” Donna said as she quickly left.

“Was there a need for that?” Serena asked and Bernie reposed with a shoulder shrug.

“I can see you are in pain, do everyone a bloody favour and eat that so you can have some pain killers or go home because you are no good to man or beast when you’re like this.” Serena snapped and walked out of the office, slamming the door shut.

Serena was in surgery for several hours, back to back electives. When she returned to the ward Sacha was at Bernie’s desk.

“Mr Levy, how lovely to see you, what do I owe the pleasure?” Serena asked as she walked in spotting the uneaten Bacon roll and sticky bun and the now cold coffee on her side of the desk.

“I’m the reserves in afraid. Ms Wolfe was sent home.”

“Sent?”

“Yes, Henrik heard about the accident she had, came to see her and found her in here crying.”

“Crying?” Serena asked that was the second time today Bernie had broken down in front of their colleagues.

“I know, I didn’t think the Major had any emotions.” He laughed as he spoke.

“You would be surprised.”

“Anyway she let Henrik assess her, and she agreed to a CT scan and X-ray.”

“And…?”

“Oh yes…. Err slight slight rib, 4th rib left side. And 3rd, 5th and 6th bad eternal bruising. He has signed her off for a week. So I’m here instead.” Sacha explained.

“Do you mind giving me a minute alone, I am going to call her to see if she needs anything,” Serena asked.

“Of course, I have been working through these” He pointed to the nearly completed pile of files on the desk. “I will do the rounds now with Raf.” Serena smiled and sat at her desk, she retrieved her phone, read a few messages from Robbie. And tried to call Bernie, it went to voicemail, she didn’t leave a message.

She tried using her hospital line if Bernie saw that surely she would answer, but straight to voice mail again.

“You stupid, stupid idiot.” Serena moaned as she buried her head in her hands.

*****************************************

Forty-eight long hours had passed, with any communication, Serena was beside herself with worry and pain. She had really messed this up, she had lost the greatest love affair of her life, and possibly the best friend she ever had and if the rumour were true she was losing the most amazing, fearless colleague she had ever had the pleasure of working with. She just hoped that even if Bernie decided to leave AAU and the trauma unit she would stay in the hospital somewhere.

Today Serena would see Cameron for the first time since the accident as soon as the shifts changed and he had received his hand over Serena called him into the office.

“How is she?” Serena asked.

“In pain, grumpy, restless, ridiculously emotional.” He replied bluntly.

“She isn’t picking up my calls or messages have you seen her?”

“Yes, I have seen her every day, between me and Charlotte we are caring for her.”

“I want to help, I have tomorrow off I want to spend it with her.”

“Don’t think that is the best idea do you?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out what really happen. Mum isn’t emotional and depressed because she fell over, for God’s sake she was blown up, had major heart surgery and was nearly paralysed but she never cried and was up on her feet within days. Mum isn’t nursing a broken rib and bruises, she is nursing a broken heart.”

“What exactly has she told you?” Serena asked worriedly.

“Nothing, she didn’t need too…. I know my mum, I know how much she is in love with you, how she always puts your feelings and wants before her own. Something has clearly happened, I’m not interested in what that is, but it’s bad enough for her to be sat at home crying, she is thinking of leaving here you know, not just the hospital but Holby. She told Charlotte that her old regiment would have her back in a shot.” Cameron’s voice wobbled, he was understandably distressed at the thought of his mum disappearing again to some war-torn country.

“I need to see her, please can you lend me your key?” Serena pleaded.

“Just don’t make it worse… please she won’t take much more.”

“I will try to sort it all out. Thank you.”

“You may want to text Charlotte first, she was going to look after mum tomorrow,” Cameron said and Serena nodded.

So that was her plan, she would just turn up at Bernie’s tomorrow and try to sort all this rubbish out.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 8

Bernie was just getting out of bed when she heard the door of her apartment close.

“Morning Charlie.” She called through.

“Morning.” Called a voice, but it wasn’t Charlotte’s.

“Serena? What’s happened, where’s Charlotte?”
Came a very distressed and panicked Bernie practically running from her bedroom.

“She is at home. Both her and Cameron needed a day off, from mum sitting. So I volunteered to come and sit with you today, Cameron lent me his keys.”

“I don’t need Mum sitting, I’m perfectly fine by myself,” Bernie informed her.

“Well, they don’t think so. They felt you still needed someone to come in and be with you, to help around the flat.”

“I’m fine Serena, there is no need to waste your day off on me.”

“It’s not a waste, I want to be here. I have been worried about you. I want to help where I can and Cameron looked exhausted yesterday when he came on shift he has his final F2 supervision at the end of the week with Ric so I have given him strict instructions to chill for the next couple of days and I’m sure Charlotte is the same.” Serena explained and Bernie huffed.

“Look I’m here now, and I have brought breakfast with me, those lovely pastries you like from the bakery in town, I got up extra early to go there and get them fresh this morning.” Serena took the pastries out of the bag she had placed on the table.

“Come on grumpy, you get the plates and then you can show me how to work this fancy coffee machine of yours.” Serena teased as Bernie rolled her eyes.

“That’s a big bag for breakfast pastries,” Bernie commented.

“Well I am here for the day and I didn’t know what food you had in, so I brought some homemade sweet potato and parsnip soup with some fresh bread from the bakery for lunch and dinner tonight homemade beef stew and dumplings.”

“You didn’t need to go to all that bother, you must have worked hard to prepare all of this.” Bernie felt bad for how she had behaved.

“I wanted to do it, I know it's food you have enjoyed before when I have cooked it. And good home-cooked food makes your body heal better and faster. From what I can understand the kids have been taking care of you to a certain extend. Cleaning, chores, shopping etc….but no real cooking.” Serena explains as she unpacks and puts the food in the fridge.

“Takeaways mainly, they aren’t particularly gifted in the kitchen. But they have kept me company.”
“Good, that is nice and important but as I said I’m here to give them a well-needed break.”

“And as I said I can manage without you. You should have said you were coming I would have saved you a journey.”

“Seeing you have not communicated with me all week I thought it was futile in telling you that I was coming over. Look Bernie, I’m here I’m not going anywhere, I have a list of jobs I need to get through, you can either like it and lump it or you can be difficult for the rest of the day, either way, I’m not leaving.”

“Fine.”

“Good.” Serena puts the pastries on the plates. “Is that coffee done?” Bernie nods.

They sit in silence for a few minutes as they eat. Bernie hisses at the pain in her ribs when she moves and overstretches to get a napkin from the napkin holder on top of the microwave.

“Still painful?”

“Yes, the bruising is still pretty bad, I have always been a bad healer.”

“What you taking for it?”

“Dihydrocodeinone”

“Oh the god stuff.”

“It is good, but it makes me so sleepy.” Bernie confesses.

“That’s not a bad thing, getting in extra sleep while you’re off will help you heal quicker.”

“I’m using Arnica cream also to bring out the bruising as quickly as possible, used to swear by it when I was in the Army, the younger soldiers used to laugh at me and my old wife’s tales….…..oh sod it.”

“What?”

“The kids have been helping me apply the cream, in the more awkward areas.”

“Well I can help.” Serena said sincerely.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

“Bernie we are adults, and best friends we can be in the same room as each other, and we’ll it’s not like I haven’t seen your body before is it? Come on let’s try shall we?”

“OK… let’s be adults,” Bernie says with a smile.

“Thank you for the pastries, they are delicious.”
Bernie sighed trying to make an effort.

“Do you remember that spa we went to last spring?”

“I do,” Bernie mumbled as took another mouthful.

“Remember the amazing Himalayan and rose healing bath salts?”

“Mmm,” she hummed around a mouthful of deliciously rich butter croissant.

“Well, I brought the ones I brought over with me, thought a nice long, hot bath with those would do those ribs of yours good.”

“Those salts were ridiculously expensive, you said it yourself that it would have been cheaper to visit the Himalayas and collect the salt from the mines yourself. Don’t waste them on me.” Bernie huffed as she drank a mouthful of coffee.

“It’s a peace offering, please, Bernie.”

“OK fine” Bernie slammed her cup down a little more aggressively than she meant to.

“Right where is the hoover and cleaning stuff?” Serena asked.

“You don’t need to.”

“Stop Berenice….I don’t want to hear it anymore. Where will I find your cleaning stuff?” she asked again her tone firmer this time.

“In the cupboard near the front door, hoover, steam mop, duster, cleaning products, it’s all there.” Bernie backed down a little they were not going to make it through the day if they were going to confine jumping down each other's throats.

“Right, you take these, go and have the hottest bath you can cope with, take your time, there is no need to rush at all.”

Bernie snatched the bamboo cylinder-shaped tub from Serena’s hands and marched as best she could to the bathroom.

“Oh Bernie, when does your medication normally kick in?” Serena asked, calling after her.

“Mid-morning I normally get sleepy, so take a nap, then again about mid-afternoon after the lunchtime ones kick in, why?”

“Just so I do the hovering before then. And your bedding….when was it changed last? I could do that while I’m too, so you can sleep in clean sheets for your nap.”

“I err… I changed it the morning after we… err.” Bernie blushed red at the memory of that night and how deliciously wet the sheets still were the next morning.

“Oh right OK…. So it could probably do with another change then.” Serena was blushing too. “Where are the clean sheets?”

“The first wardrobe, bottom shelf.” Bernie couldn’t say the words quick enough as she removed herself from the awkwardness of the situation.

As she turned on the hot water she heard Serena moving around, she could hear the spray of the polish can and the plumping of pillows. The dishwasher being loaded and switched on and the worktops being wiped down. She laid in the bath, hissing at the scorching hot water the Himalayan salt instantly soothing her aches and pains. The hum of the hoover was surprisingly relaxing, Bernie slid down in the bath so only her head was above the surface, she was bright pink but so very chilled. She could get used to this domestic life with Serena, could so easily picture it, Serena having dinner prepared, Bernie doing chores around the house, the two of them curling up on the sofa after a long shift…… she scowered at herself for thinking about it when she knew it wasn’t what Serena wanted it. Her mind flicked back to that day, the lunch she had run off so speedily to have with Robbie and how much time had passed since. Nearly a whole week of no communication and her head and heart were no better for it, no clearer in their thinking or feeling.

Meanwhile, Serena was busy she was determined to do as much as possible while Bernie was relaxing so she could spend the rest of the day actually with her. She didn’t have very much to do both Cameron and Charlotte had done a remarkable job in keeping the apartment spick and span. She flicked the duster about, tidied the worktops and living room, making the pile of well-read Lancet’s neat and tidy. She filled a vase and arranged a bouquet of pretty pink and lilac flowers she brought and set them on the coffee table. She hovered throughout and steamed mopped the kitchen. She had watered the plants and did high dust as those were the only thing the kids had neglected.
She was in the process of dusting the bedroom and stripping the bed when she was overcome with emotion. This could of all been hers, well hers and Bernie’s, the perfect little love nest. She shook her head and went to the wardrobe to obtain the clean sheets when she was stopped in her tracks.
There on the shelf above the clean sheets sat ‘The HAT BOX’

Suddenly Serena was tachycardia, her eyes were blown and her temperature was through the roof. She had to sit down before she fell down. She knew what was in that box, she knew the pleasure the items in that box were able to create, she knew how stunning Bernie looked in the strap on and how amazingly well she used it. Serena was very aware of how aroused she was, she was very aware of how tempted she was to open the box and look inside, touch those toys again, remind herself of that night, the night when she had felt loved and wanted and needed.

She knew this was going to be hard, being here with Bernie, in the place where they had made love, where she had fallen in love with her best friend, in the place where she could easily picture them together, happily living as a couple. She was still madly in love with Bernie, wanted her more than before, but she had royally fucked up any chance she had…. She had destroyed anything Bernie had felt for her so the best she could do was be a very best friend and help her in her hour of need. She quickly removed the clean sheets and went to close the door of the wardrobe, she failed.

“Out of sight out of mind,” she mumbled to herself.

“Sorry?” Bernie asked which made Serena jump, appearing from nowhere.

“Jesus Christ Bernie you scared me… bloody hell.” Serena was pale, her breathing rapid, she felt dizzy. Bernie stood in front of her with only a towel and a small one at that, wrapped around her soft warm wet skin. ‘God she looked beautiful’ Serena thought to herself.

“Are you OK? It looks like you have seen a ghost.” Bernie asked concerned.

“No….not a ghost just….” Serena looked up and directly at the hatbox, Bernie followed her line of vision and instantly understood.

“Oh right, yes I see…. I mean I understand.” Bernie stepped forward and closed the wardrobe door.
“There better? Out of sight out of mind.”

“That is what I was saying to myself when you came out. Are you OK? How was the bath?” Serena asked trying not to look at Bernie and her drop-dead gorgeous body.

“Really good actually, the salts were very relaxing, I certainly feel as if they have helped.” She explained as she used a second towel to dry her arms and shoulders.

“Well I want you to keep them here and use them as you wish, if you use them all so be it, I don’t mind.”

“I couldn’t possibly, they were so expensive.” Bernie tried to protest.

“Good excuse to go back to the Spa again I say,” Serena said with a smirk.

“Normally all that laying around doing bugger all is rather boring but I must admit I find the prospect of that offer very appealing at the moment,” Bernie said with a yawn.

“You feeling tired?” Serena asked and was met with a sleepy nod. “I better get this bed made then. Get yourself dry and dressed. I won’t be a moment.” She said with a loving smile.

Bernie took a pair of clean knickers from her top drawer, a clean pair of leggings from her third drawer and a clean vest from the shelf in the wardrobe. She disappeared back into the bathroom and within minutes returned bringing with her a waft of sweet-smelling deodorant and white musk perfume. Serena was still making the bed, so Bernie went to the oversized, high backed hunting lodged chair that sat in the corner of the room. Her soft fluffy grey cardigan sat draped over the arm of the chair she wrapped it around herself and curled up in the chair.

“How did your lunch go with Robbie the other day, did he propose?” Bernie asked, trying hard not to tear up, she wanted to sound interested like a friend would.

“Oh err… well no not a proposal of marriage anyway,” Serena stated.

“What then?”

“He err, he asked me to move in with him,” Serena said as she finished flicking the duvet down at the edges, she then sat on the bed.

“Oh I see, well that’s exciting isn’t it, he has a nice place, you have always liked the hot tub and the garden haven’t you. It’s a bit further to travel to the hospital but you will soon get used to that. How did Jason take the news? I can’t imagine he was too pleased about losing the spare room and having to downsize his collection of Dr Who memorabilia.”

“Well, actually the invitation was for me only,” Serena mumbled looking up at Bernie through blinked eyes.

“You have got to be kidding me, what the actual fuck Serena…..” Bernie huffed. She couldn’t believe what she was actually hearing. “No, I won’t allow it…. No… no… “ Bernie was up on her feet now and was pacing the room. “I won’t have him moved into one of those supported living places… no way. Jason is the most sincere, caring, loving, person I know, Serena and I won’t allow him to be pushed aside so you and Robbie can live happily ever after, drinking champagne in the hot tub at the bottom of his garden.”

“Bernie”

“I haven’t finished yet.” Bernie snapped which made Serena jump. “I mean what is actually going through your head at the moment Serena? You had the chance at real happiness with me, I wouldn’t have sent Jason packing, and you threw it away for Robbie and now you are willing to throw away your family for him too…. What sort of hold does this man have over you?”

“Bernie I….”

“Well, I won’t hear of it, Jason will not be moved into one of those god awful hostel places again, he can come here, he can move in today. He can have this room, it's bigger and with his single bed, he can fit in a desk and a small sofa so could have a very nice independent living space, his own bathroom too, but full use of the kitchen, living area and outdoor space. He can use the gym if he wants and of course, I wouldn’t dream of charging him rent… I know he would want to contribute and that is fine we will draw up a plan between us. He likes it here, we will get on well together.”

“He has been here?” Serena asked.

“Many times, often for tea on fish and chip night when you’re out with Robbie, I don’t like the thought of him eating alone so we eat together. And if we go out for family days we often end up with a takeaway and movie he has even slept here a few times.….” Bernie busied herself searching through her bag.

“What are you doing?” Serena asked.

“I’m calling Jason, going to propose the arrangement to him if he likes the idea, I will call Cam and the AAU staff to see who is free to help with the move.” She mumbled quickly and she flicked through her phone.

“Bernie…. Please you don’t have to do that.”

“I do because clearly, you don’t give a fuck Serena,” Bernie shouted shaking with anger.

“Well actually I do…. Because I told Robbie no… I told him we were a package and if Jason wasn’t invited then I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Really?”

“Yes really, when you saw his car outside my house it wasn’t because we were snuggling up after a nice lunch out, it was because we hadn’t even made it out for lunch, we were in the middle of what felt like world war bloody three.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Bernie asked.

“When was I meant to do that exactly? You refused to talk to me that evening on shift, you were then sent home and then there has been radio silence since.”

“So how did you leave it? With Robbie?” Bernie asked hoping for the answer that could change her life.

Serena just looked at her she didn’t say anything. “I get it, it’s complicated right?” Bernie offered the answer.

“Something like that.” Serena gave a half-hearted smile. “Right, shall we get this cream on you and then you can sleep?”

“Yeah OK.” Bernie lifted her top slightly showing off her lower ribs which were black and blue still.

“Ouch.”

“They are better than they were.”

“Must have been some fall.”

“The bloke who picked me up and drove me home said I looked like a giraffe on roller-skates as I tripped and then like an elephant belly-flopping into a swimming pool when I actually fell.”

“Nice…..come on lie down let me apply the cream properly,” Serena said allowing Bernie to settle before perching on the edge of the bed next to her. She covered her fingers with the cold cream and applied it gently. Bernie hissed at the coldness and the pain.

“Sorry”

“It’s fine….. No pain no gain.”

“And these are really getting better?”

“Believe it or not, they were so bad I could barely breathe.”

“Where else?” she asked. “Any higher?” Serena went to lift the hem of Bernie's top.

“I’m not wearing a bra, it’s too painful.”

“Lift your top,” Serena said and Bernie starred at her. “Oh come on, I’m sure I will be able to restrain myself from jumping on you, at the sight of your breast,” Serena smirked.

“You sure, you couldn’t the other night,” Bernie smirked back.

“I’m not a bloody nymphomaniac you know.” She flirted as she helped Bernie lift her vest.

“Liar.” Bernie laughed as she flirted back. “You most certainly acted like a nympho the other night.” Bernie’s breath hitched as Serena applied more cream.

“Says the girl whose nipple is rock hard and begging to be touched.” Bernie looked at her nipple, not that she needed to, she could feel it, she felt it the instant Serena’s hand touched her, and it just got harder and harder and she was right, it was begging to be touched, to be pinched, rolled, pulled, sucked, licked, bit…. Anything…. Please anything. She then looked at Serena, they just stared at each other, really starred, right into each other's souls.

“Bernie” Serena mumbled, her eyes dark, her bottom lip being bit by her worried teeth.

“Will you do my back too please?” Bernie asked as she turned over and broke eye contact.

Chapter Text

Let me help chapter 9

Serena wasn’t sure if Bernie had genuinely fallen asleep or if she was pretending, either way, Serena was grateful for the get out of jail free card she had been given after making such a stupid comment. She finished rubbing in the cream and noticed the goosebumps on Bernie’s body. She pulled down Bernie’s top gently, Bernie was laying on top of the duvet so Serena took the cover from the other side of the bed and wrapped it over Bernie. She watched as Bernie snuggled into it before she left her to sleep.

About an hour later and Bernie had woken to a delicious smell. She knew it must be lunchtime and could hear Serena moving around the apartment. She decided to close her eyes for just a few more minutes. Serena came in just moments after and gently laid her hand on Bernie’s arm.

“Bernie, it's lunchtime.” She moved her hand up to Bernie’s hair. “Come on sleepyhead, time to wake up.”

“Mmm…..Serena….” Bernie mumbled still asleep.

“What are you dreaming about Major?” Serena asked while running her fingers gently down Bernie’s cheek.

“Oh yes, please…. Serena please… “ came a whispered plead.

“oh, I know what you’re dreaming about. If only you knew darling, how that wonderful night fills my thoughts and dreams. I didn’t know what love was until I met you, no one has ever made me feel the way you did. I have never been so wanted, and I most certainly have never had such amazing sex before. I’m…. I’m just so sorry I’m not brave enough.” Serena smiled and removed her hand, which Bernie had sensed and woke.

“Hey sleepyhead, how are you feeling?” Serena asked.

“I’m OK, I’m hungry, is that delicious smell lunch?” she asked in a thick croaky voice.

“It most certainly is, comes on soldier.” Serena lead her out to the kitchen. They ate lunch in comfortable silence.

“I’m sorry for what I said before, you know when I was applying the cream,” Serena explained as a blush covered her chest and face.

“It’s forgotten, please don’t distress yourself,” Bernie said finishing her soup. “That was delicious, thank you.”

“Pleasure, I will wash these bits up. You go get comfy on the sofa, while I sort this and swap your washing over.” Serena explained. I will bring coffee and your meds with me when I’m done.

“I’m going to get some fresh air on the balcony for a bit.”

“OK…..don’t forget your lighter,” Serena smirked knowing that Bernie was going to smoke.

****************************************
An hour and a half later saw them sat next to each other on the sofa with a coffee watching Chicago.

“I would never have put you as a musical fan,” Serena mumbled as her foot moved in time with the beat. “This is one of my all-time favourite ones.”

“It's my favourite too,” Bernie confessed looking at Serena. “But probably for completely different reasons than yours.”

“I love Chicago because the music is spot on, the actors are on point and the story is brilliant.” Serena detailed.

“Film critic now Ms Campbell?” Bernie smirked which earn her a tap on the leg.

“It is rousing and energetic and provides a surprising level of depth and humour. I personally think that the film is much better than the stage show. Why do you love it?”

“Well, I err…. I love Chicago because Catherine Zeta-Jones is smoking hot. I mean Jesus the costumes, the dancing, the voice…… it’s dripping sex…. And she is amazing, could turn a straight girl gay.”

“Is that so….?” Serena asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Damn right, that film saw me through some long lonely nights in Afghanistan and to be fair some long lonely nights at home too.”

“So what makes Thelma stands out more than Roxy?”

“She is taller, curvier, great thighs, great boobs. She has a sharp mind, her voice is smooth, she is confident, she is sexy and she knows it and uses it to her advantage. Roxy is flat-chested, immature, goby, not smart and brassy with her confidence.”

“So she is your type…. I guess, what is it you said? Smoking hot… you like smoking hot, sexy, confident brunettes?” Serena moved so she could be face to face with Bernie.

“Hadn’t thought about it really,” Bernie replied blushing.

“Well, Alex…ticks rather a lot off that list,” Serena explained.

“But you tick them all, the whole package” Bernie said before thinking. “Sorry…. Sorry I meant to think it not say it.”

“Hey, it's payback for the stupid comment I made earlier.” Serena looked deep into Bernie’s eyes.

“I…Serena…I err…. I heard what you said earlier, about how you think and dream about us.”

“You weren’t really asleep?” Serena said shocked.

“I was but woke myself up sleep talking, wasn’t sure if I was dreaming it all. You know I feel the same, I think about you about what we did all the bloody time, I have practically killed off my bullet vibrator, I’ve used it so much.”

“You have done that even with your injuries?” Serena asked surprised.

“When a girl has a need she has a need. I had to be careful of course, show and gentle...... Have you? “ Bernie asked carefully.

“So much I am sore…… it was a pretty amazing night wasn’t it?” Serena asked blushing.

“The best I have ever had,” Bernie confessed. “You said if only you were brave enough….. What did you mean?”

“Everything Bernie, brave enough to dump Robbie, brave enough to commit to you, brave enough to admit to everyone that I’m in love with you and that I want to be your partner.” Serena cried. Bernie was immediately closer to her, wrapping her up in a hug.

“Hey, come on, come here, it’s….. I get it, I have been there, got the divorce, got the nasty letter from my kids, the top slot on the gossip mill ….. I get it but do you know what saw me through it all?” Bernie asked and Serena shook her head.

“You Serena, you my darling…. My colleague who kept me focused, my best friend who let me cry and moan and who warned off gossips and trouble makers… you who fell in love with me and reminded me that I am deserving to be loved and happy.” Bernie held Serena’s hand tightly.

“You do deserve it….. But am I deserving of you? I have cheated on Robbie, something I promised I would never do. I hate cheats…. And now I’m one of them.”

“Is it cheating if you're terribly unhappy? Is it cheating if he has done it to you? Is it cheating if you’re hiding the true you?”

“What do you mean is it cheating if he has done it to me?” Serena asked worriedly retracting her hand from Bernie’s and immediately fiddling with the pendant on her chain.

“Sorry, nothing,” Bernie mumbled.

“No something…. Come on please Bernie, you can’t say that and leave me with no explanation.”

“I have no concrete evidence but the other night Alex and Robbie went out drinking, he was moaning about you and when Alex asked if maybe it was time to move on, end your relationship, he started to boast about having more than you on the go…. he told her that he had cheated.”

“When who with?” Serena cried.

“I don’t know, he didn’t say, look Serena they were both pretty pissed, he might have just been showing off and chatting crap.”

"That bloody bastard, how dare he."

"Serena please don't take it as gospel you need to talk to him about it."

“I wasn’t unhappy with him you know. I know you think he is controlling and I do see why you think that I have reassessed our relationship and I agree he can be a little controlling but it’s not in a nasty way.”

“I know you weren't terribly unhappy, and I’m but sorry if I have overstepped the mark with my controlling comments, but you said it yourself that it hasn’t been great for some time?”

“Well, that’s two points out of the three…… the third…. Well…. I always thought I was straight, I don’t think I am gay now.”

“Labels don’t bother me, Serena, it’s unfortunate that society calls for them. But those who matter to you won’t care and those who do care don’t matter….that’s how I see it anyway.”

“Truth is I have fallen in love with you Bernie, your amazing brain, your generous heart, your beautiful soul, not your gender.”

“And I love you…… heart, body and soul, all I want to do is help you Serena, support you and help you be brave.”

Serena looked at Bernie, they both smiled.

"Let me help darling," Bernie begged.

"Oh, Bernie." Serena moaned as she moved closer until their lips gently touched and then a long, slow, loved filled kiss was shared, their arms wrapped around each other so very softly.

“Take me to bed Bernie.” Serena sighed as she broke the kiss.

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 10

“Are you sure?” Bernie asked. “I need you to be sure Serena, I can’t be rejected again. I need to know it’s because you are being brave and not just….”

“Not just shagging you because I found out he has cheated on me? Serena interrupted with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, in all honestly yes….”

“Well I haven’t been with him in both senses of the word, he came round as I told you to ask me to move in with him. The day you saw his car, the day of your accident. I haven’t seen him since, there hasn’t been any flirty text messages….. nothing.”

“And how has that been?” Bernie asks.

“Weird because we have been inseparable…. But it’s been good, it’s given me time to think, to reassess everything.

“I only want to do this if it means we are going to make a real go of things, try to be a couple.” Bernie made eye contact with Serena, trying desperately to read her.

“I want you to make love to me, and I want to make love to you. I need to feel you against me, Bernie, I have been aching for you, I have been dreaming about you.” Serena confessed.

“What have your dreams resulted in?” Bernie asked as she nimble on her bottom lip.

“A good few orgasms…. But none of them as good as the ones you gave me…. I am at serious risk of getting repetitive strain injuries.” Serena laughed gently in her best flirtatious giggle.

“I have missed you,” Bernie announced before kissing Serena and holding her close.

“God Bernie you’re so good at kissing.” Serena sighed as she allowed Bernie to kiss down her neck. “Oh Bernie, I want you, darling.”

“I see your wandering hands know exactly what they want.” Bernie hissed as Serena cupped her bare breast under her vest, before twisting and pulling on the erect nipple.

“Oh Serena, if you’re not careful you will make me cum just by doing that.” Bernie moaned.

“Challenge accepted, come on, let’s take this to the bedroom.” Serena stood up and held out her hand she was about to lead the way to the bedroom when Bernie’s front door opened wide and loudly.

“Please tell me you’re not wanking off to bloody Chicago again Major, I heard it in the corridor.” An unmistakable Northern voice bellowed.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t see you had company.” The same voice said as she spotted Serena standing in the open planned space.

“Alex, what are you doing here?” That was all Bernie could muster as she released Serena’s hand.

“Driving past and happened to see that neither Cams nor Lottie’s cars were here so did a u-turn and thought I would visit. The footie is on soon and I know how you like the company to watch it, so I thought a few beers, a takeaway and then enjoy the night together if you know what I mean.” Alex explained with a smirk on her face which left no one in the room guessing what she meant.

“Serena has made dinner, she came to look after me today,” Bernie announced.

“You one of the trusted few to be given a key to Serena?” Alex asked.

“Err no, not quite at that stage yet in our relationship, err I mean friendship, I used Cameron’s key,” Serena explained as Bernie blushed with embarrassment.

“So what have you cooked,” Alex asked. “Is there enough for me?” she opened the fridge to look. It hadn’t gone unnoticed to Serena how familiar Alex was in the apartment, how confident she was.

“Beef stew and dumplings,” Serena mumbled.

“OMG do people even eat that these days? Let alone make it…. Proper grandma’s kitchen cooking that. No wonder you lasted so long with Robbie, he loves homemade meals.”

“Alex don’t be rude, Serena is an amazing cook.”

“I’m not, I’m just saying that is proper old school cooking…. Must be an age thing.”

“Serena is the same age as me,” Bernie informed her.

“No way! Really….” Alex looked shocked as she walked the small distance to be next to Bernie.

“Well, I suppose you don’t act or look your age Bern.” She said as she wrapped her arm around Bernie. “And she most certainly has more sexual energy than a woman of her age should,” Alex said as she pinched Bernie’s arse.

“Alex please that is out of order, stop it.”

“Please don’t fret yourself, I should be going, leave you to your company and your intimate girls night in,” Serena said gathering her things trying to hide her blushes.

“No Serena, please, no need to rush off. Stay for dinner please.” Bernie begged. “We had an evening planned.”

“No it's fine, I should go. You two don’t have much time before Alex leaves on her next tour….. I can wait, I mean our plans can wait.”

“That’s true we only have three days until I leave and then, what is it two weeks until you join me?” Alex asked.

“What?” Serena asked stunned frozen to the spot.

“Serena…. I….” Bernie mumbled.

“You’re leaving? You’re going back to the army?” Serena could hear the wobble in her voice and the tear in her eye threatening to fall.

“It’s not been confirmed,” Bernie explained.

“All it needs is a signature then this lovely lady will be given a full 10 years commission. She is coming home, coming back to me, doing the job she loves and living the life she was meant to live.” Alex said with pure happiness as she squeezed Bernie’s hand.

“It’s not been confirmed….” Bernie repeated more forcefully. “I have to give my decision at the dinner dance.” Bernie tried to explain as she tried to detangle herself from Alex.

“She is on the top table, will be there in full dress uniform,” Alex explained. “My Major sat alongside all the top-ranking officers.”

“So when you said you weren’t back together…. That was?.... Serena shrugged.

“The truth…. We aren’t back together.”

“But we will be when she comes back to service, isn’t that right Bern, we can pick up where we left off, away from the disapproving kids,” Alex explained hopefully.

“I need to go,” Serena said as she moved to the door, she felt sick to the pit of her stomach.

“Serena please wait.” Bernie pleaded following her.

“No….” Serena raised her hand. “I really need to speak with Robbie.”

“See you at the dinner dance?” Alex asked as she opened a bottle of beer.

“Not sure if I am going actually.” Serena explained, what she didn’t say was ‘how can I go and watch Bernie take her commission, how can I watch the woman I love leave me and walk away back onto the army.’

“Why on earth not, Robbie wants to show off his trophy wife and well you get to give me and Bern a good send-off.”

“Well, I don’t fancy spending my night with a cheating bastard.” Serena snapped.

“Bern, what the hell….. you told her?” Alex said in shock.

“She is my best friend what was I suppose to do? “ Bernie declared.

“Oh come off it Alex don’t look at her like that, it was bound to come out at some point.”

“Look Serena he was totally off his face, he was probably just showing off.”

“Who was it?” Serena asked.

“I don’t know…. No names were mentioned…” Alex explained.

“Don’t give me that, you army lot are all the same… bloody thick as thieves. Tell me her name?” Serena stared straight into her eyes. Alex knew she wouldn’t win and she was becoming very hot and flustered under Serena’s ice-cold stare.

“There have been a few” Alex mumbled. “Err I…..I only know first names….” Alex mumbled.

“Just tell me….” Serena ordered.

“I think the most recent was called Lynn, err…. Megan was around about three months ago and I think one called Maggie and then there was Carol…..that is all I know….but please don’t tell him you heard it from me, he will beat the living daylights out of me.”

“Right…. Thank you.” Serena said as she opened the door. “Oh and by the way, Bernie’s children are not disapproving, they care for and love their mother very much, they want to see her happy and they don’t believe that she will be happy with you.” With that, she left.

“For fuck sake Bernie.” Alex stood as she released a very deep breath.

“Wait here, I mean it,” Bernie ordered as she moved quickly after Serena. “Serena wait.”

****************************************
Bernie reached Serena just as she was about to drive off, she was slower than normal thanks to her injuries.

“Serena stop.” She shouted and quickly made her way around to the passenger's side. She gripped her ribs the quick pace of her movement so caused pain.

“What?”

“Serena please, don’t go like this….you’re upset, I don’t want you driving while you are upset.”

“I’m fine, really, no need to worry yourself.”

“We were just about to make love Serena.….” Bernie spoke softly.

“But then your lover turned up and completely embarrassed me.”

“I know she was very rude to you, I’m so sorry.”

“When were you going to tell me about the Army Bernie?” Serena asked making eye contact for the first time.

“Serena nothing is confirmed, I don’t even know if I’m going. “

“You hate me that much, you hate that I turned you down so you went running to your Army boss and ask to return?”

“No, no, Serena, no absolutely not, it's just a coincidence that they asked me now, I didn’t seek it out Serena I promise. When I got home the day of the accident the letter was waiting for me. Couldn’t believe my luck… “

“I can’t believe you’re even considering.”

“Well, I won’t go, not if you give me a reason to stay,” Bernie said biting her bottom lip.

“I can think of several….. Your children first and foremost, your job, your trauma unit, your commitment to the hospital, the mentoring programme, your new home, then, of course, there is Jason……and me!”

“If you can commit Serena, if you want me, if you want us….. then I will stay.”

“You need to stay because you want to…. Not because of me.” Serena said.

“Serena my darling….” Bernie moved closer, she leant over the handbrake and gear stick and took Serena’s face in her hands and kissed her. The kiss was slow and full of passion and love.

“Bernie” Serena suddenly broke the kiss and was breathless.

“You know you want this Serena, as much as I do…. But if you want me to stop then you only have to say….” Bernie said rather seductively between soft kisses to her neck.

“Stop….please…I need some space to think, as do you.”

“I don’t need to think….. I want you.”

“Please Bernie” Serena pleaded. “Please go and think, really think. Don’t text me, don’t call me…. If you’re at dinner in full uniform I will know your answer.”

Chapter Text

Let me help

Chapter 11

It was the day of the dinner dance, Bernie had been off the whole week recovering from her fall. Serena had covered two spilt shifts, she wanted to keep busy, to have a valid excuse to keep some distance between her and Robbie.

She had not text Bernie, and Bernie hadn’t texted her, they were giving each other the space they both needed. She also hadn’t approached the cheating conversation with Robbie. She felt numb, confused and off sorts. She believed that the infidelity information was too powerful to just hand to him, she might need it if things get nasty, so for now she played her cards close to her chest.

She didn’t want to go to the dinner dance, she just wasn’t in the mood. She really wasn’t confident that the little heart to heart she and Bernie had, had in the car at Bernie’s apartment had worked. Did Bernie understand how hard this all was for Serena, did Bernie understand how much Serena wanted her, how much she wanted to be brave, how much she needed Bernie in her life?

Serena was preparing herself for the worst, she was preparing herself to see Bernie in her dress uniform, she was preparing herself for the realisation that Bernie would be leaving for the Army, leaving Holby, leaving her, going to fall. back into Alex’s arms and bed.

She had spent the last two hours praying for the phone to ring, for the hospital to declare a major incident and for her to be needed and called into work. She has prayed that Jason was having a rough time at the Holby City football match he was at in town, so she would have to cancel the dinner dance and go and collect him. She had contemplated texting Robbie and disclosing that she knew of his infidelity, just so they would argue and he would dump her so she didn’t need to go. However nothing of the sort had happened, she was destiny to go to the party tonight.

She has been at the hairdresser's that afternoon, she decided to have her hair cut back to the short pixie style she had been trending before Robbie came on the scene. She also had her nails done and had splashed out on a bright red colour.
She sat at the hair and beauty salon wondering what was she going to do and say when she stood face to face with the woman she loved when she would have to say goodbye to the woman she wanted so bad?

She now stood in front of her bedroom mirror in the black dress Robbie had picked out for her. For a man that supposedly wanted to show off his trophy ‘wife’, this dress was very boring. A full length black flowy number in satin and chiffon, the sleeves and chest area were seer chiffon, absolutely no skin on show. It was pretty enough but just not Serena. She looked at her feet and the black satin low kitten heels Robbie had also picked…. She then looked at the 6inch leopard print killer heels…. Her all-time favourite shoes…. She knew what ones she wanted to wear but Robbie would be angry he hated it when she was taller than him.

Serena’s phone beep, she reluctantly left her reflection and moved to the bed, she picked it up and saw a text from Robbie.

18:01 Robbie – Serena, change of plan, won’t be coming to collect you as I have been invited by the lads to go for a drink before the meal, so make your own way there. Remember it is 7:30 pm to sit down. Don’t be late. Why don’t you drive then we don’t need to get a taxi later.

Serena sighed, she wasn’t particularly disappointed about having to make her own way there, what bothered her was that Robbie was probably going to be pissed by the time she got there. She was also annoyed that he ordered her to drive, what if she wanted to drink? Her phone beeped again, she rolled her eyes expecting to see another text from Robbie, however this time it was Bernie.

18:04 Bernie Wolfe – Hey Serena, I hope you are OK. I understand work has been mad. Sorry I haven’t been around. But the week off has done me the world of good and I have recovered well. Hopefully, you can let your hair down tonight and relax a little. I am sure you will have a great time. Bx

Serena read it and re-read it… what was the purpose of that message, was Bernie testing the water, seeing if Serena was attending the dinner dance or not, maybe Bernie wasn’t going to attend, maybe she was going to attend and this was a warning that at she would be there fully kitted out in her dress uniform.

“Well, I have one last chance to impress that woman.” She said out loud, before kicking off the stupid and uncomfortable shoes. She unzipped the dress and left it heaped on the floor. She looked at herself in the mirror and had a Bridget Jones moment.

“Spanx or sexy,” She asked herself. “Fuck it, Bernie has seen all of this before and she liked what she saw…… if I get her in bed tonight I want her to be rewarded.” Serena had a newfound confidence, she was going to fight for her woman. She changed her underwear to a set that matched the leopard print shoes she intended on wearing. She sat and redid her makeup, Robbie likes the natural look but Serena wants a sex goddess. She adds black and grey eye shadow to create smoky eyes, a few more layers of mascara to lengthen and thicken her eyelashes, some blusher to give her a rosy glow and blood-red lipstick…. She wanted to ooze sex.

Her thoughts of the red low back dress were dissolved when she realised the little rolls of fat on her back (which had only developed since Bernie had been bringing her Pain Au chocolate from Pluses daily) were on view and she would be too self-conscious in it. But no fear she had an extremely sexy little black dress that left nothing to the imagination. It was satin, figure-hugging which showed off all her curves expertly. Strapless and low cut. She detached the straps of her bra and sprayed her most expensive perfume on her neck, wrists and cleavage.

She was ready!

The taxi was called and before she knew it she was walking into the ballroom at Holby Stately Home Manor. There was a military band playing live and waiters in white suits carrying trays of champagne to welcome the guests. Robbie was nowhere to be seen, neither was Bernie.

She looked intently at the seating plan. She was sat with Robbie and Alex and a handful of people she didn’t know, Bernie was sat at the head table. Serena sighed this was all the confirmation she needed to know Bernie was leaving.