Work Header

Suspicious Article

Work Text:

"I can't believe this!" Ron spat, charging into the living room of the Burrow, The Daily Prophet in hand.
Fred and George were pouring over some papers to do with the shop on the floor by the hearth, Harry was polishing his broomstick, and Percy and Hermione sat at opposite ends on the sofa, each engrossed in heavy books with dense text that looked old enough to fall apart.
They all looked up when Ron came stomping in.
"What's that Skeeter woman written now?" Hermione asked.
"Bloody slander, that's what! Look at this!" He thrust the paper into Hermione's hands, and sat down next to her.
She shook her head.
"So much for journalistic integrity. Honestly, why can't she just let people be?"
"What's she written?" George asked.
"She's written a whole load of guff about how Wood is- gay!" Ron blustered.
"The need that woman has to write about people's personal affairs-"
"Never mind personal affairs, this is slander! Wood isn't gay!" He interrupted, ruffling Hermione's feathers.
"Ron, I think you're missing Hermione's point," Harry put in, looking up from polishing his broomstick.
"Yeah, and how would you know if he was gay anyway?" Fred asked.
"Of course Wood's not gay, he was quidditch captain,"
Fred snorted.
"If anything that makes him gayer- riding around on some long hard wood-"
"With plenty of adonis-like men, such as us," George finished, flexing his bicep.
"Shut up! It's not funny! They shouldn't- people like that shouldn't-"
"I would think over your next sentence very carefully Ron, considering that I'm gay," Percy finally chimed in, not bothering to look up from his book.
The twins and Ron chorused.
"What do you mean you're gay?"
"How come you didn't tell us?"
Percy put his book down.
"Because, Fred, as far as I'm aware, you're not trying to sleep with me, rendering it precisely none of your business,"
"You can't be gay!" Ron said, going red in the face. "You're my brother! That's- that's-"
"You have five brothers, it's not exactly a statistical impossibility," Percy snapped. "And there are plenty of gay quidditch players,"
"Like who?!" Ron countered.
"Oliver Wood, for one. You remember Marcus Flint? He's gay. Even Krum's bisexual,"
Ron looked lost for words.
George looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"How do you know Flint's gay? And that Krum's bisexual? Come to think of it, how do you know Wood's gay?"
Percy sighed.
"I shared a dormitory with Oliver for seven years, it's not something you can keep secret in that close proximity."
This wasn't strictly true, but Percy had no intention of telling them about the secret, sloppy handjobs and the one very rushed blowjob in a broom cupboard that he and Wood had shared over their time at Hogwarts.
"But you didn't live with Flint or Krum,"
Hermione chimed in;
"Krum is actually very open about his sexuality. I'm sure it came up in conversation,"
Percy gave her a grateful smile. He'd rather not tell his brothers about how he and Krum had gotten drunk after the first task and fucked eachother's brains out in the room of requirement, before self consciously ignoring eachother for the rest of the tournament.
Fred snorted.
"Oh, and I'm sure you just had a casual conversation about sexuality with Marcus Flint aswell, when he wasn't busy bullying first years,"
"Fine," Percy snapped. "We had sex a few times. Are you happy?"
"Not really, no,"
"When did you have sex with him?" Ron blustered
"Why did you have sex with him?" George asked, pulling a face like he'd just smelled something unpleasant.
"I don't appreciate this interrogation," Percy scowled, "But if you must know, we used to do it when I had to supervise his detention. It helped pass the time,"
"It helped pass the time? You make it sound like you played gobstones, not- not- actually, I don't even want to know what you did," Ron grimaced.
"That's the first sensible thing you've said all day, Ron,"
"But that's a gross breach of power as head boy!" Hermione chided, "Not to mention, completely against the rules!"
"Yes, thank you Hermione," Percy said dryly, "But I am aware of the Hogwarts rules, and strictly speaking, there is no rule against sex in detention, nor in the trophy room,"
Everyone looked aghast.
"You did it in the trophy room?!"
"Probably nutted on that award You Know Who got,"
"Anyone could have walked in!"
"Look!" Percy snapped, jumping up from his seat, yanking his book up with him, "My sex life, no matter how long ago, is none of your business! And nor are other people's sexualities, Ron. So, if you'd kindly keep your noses out of places they don't belong, I am going to my room." He stamped up the stairs, muttering something about homophobia as he went.

There was a moment where none of the others spoke.
"Well, that could have gone better,"
"Look on the bright side, Harry, Bill owes George and I five galleons!" The twins were grinning smugly.
"You didn't seriously bet on someone's sexuality? Honestly, you're hardly better than Ron!" said Hermione, causing Ron to let out a cry of protest, which she waved away.
"Of course not!" Said Fred, looking mock-offended, "We were betting on his virginity."