Work Header


Work Text:

PINKY: Brain, where are we?
BRAIN: I don’t know, Pinky. It appears that we are in a cavern with many twisty passages.
PINKY: Are they all exactly alike, or different?
BRAIN: I don’t have a map, do I, Pinky?
PINKY: What is that snuffling noise, Brain?
BRAIN: How should I know, Pinky? I haven’t been in this cavern before.
PINKY: Brain, do you think it’s a maze?
BRAIN: Nonsense, Pinky. We graduated from maze-running a long time ago. We’re in the “trying to take over the world” stage of the experiment now.
PINKY: But I smell peanut butter, Brain.
BRAIN: That’s because you have peanut butter in your head instead of gray matter, Pinky.
PINKY: Oh that’s good, Brain. If we start starving in this maze, you can put me in a sandwich and eat me. Oh, except we don’t have any jelly. Or bread. Snarf. PLUGH.
BRAIN: What happened!?
PINKY:I don’t know, Brain, but we’re in a kitchen and I see a jar of jelly here. And a trap door.
BRAIN: That’s the trap door we already went through, Pinky. Let’s go through it again.

BRAIN: These twisty passages are all alike!
PINKY: Too bad we already ate the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Brain, if we hadn’t, we could have smeared peanut butter on the walls to mark our trail.
BRAIN: There’s that snuffling noise again, Pinky, we’d better be careful.
PINKY: Why? We already scared a snake with a bird and killed a dragon with our bare hands. What else could be here to scare us? Blort. Xyzzy.
BRAIN: What? Who are you?
THESEUS: I am Theseus. I seek the Minotaur.
BRAIN: The miniature? Miniature what?
THESEUS: Minotaur. The bull-headed man that eats virgins. This is the labyrinth he lives in. I am sent to kill him.
PINKY: Just kill him with your bare hands. Zartz.
BRAIN: Is that the snuffling noise we heard?
THESEUS: I believe so. This way.
BRAIN: Wait, Pinky. Why should we follow him? That way lies violence and death!
PINKY: Do they taste good with peanut butter?
THESEUS: Just wait here.

PINKY: Listen to all those screams, Brain. He probably tried to use the sword instead of his bare hands.
BRAIN: Ugh the sound of chewing is too much! And now the snuffling is coming this way!
PINKY: There he is, Brain! It’s not only the head of a bull that he has, is it?
BRAIN: Pinky! Did you say that only to justify the Teen rating on this fic?
PINKY: What? Oh no, Brain, he saw us!
BRAIN: Oh, why did we throw the bear at the troll. We could have used it now. Run!
PINKY: He’s ignoring us, Brain. He’s lying down and going to sleep.
BRAIN: What? I heard him mumbling something.
PINKY: He said “Mice. Never mind. They don’t taste good. Also, they’re not virgins.”
BRAIN: That snoring is deafening! How do we get out of here? Try saying PLUGH again, Pinky.
PINKY: Plort
BRAIN: Not plort. PLUGH.
BRAIN: Damn, it’s not working.
FEMALE VOICE: Theseus? Theseus!
BRAIN: Who the hell’s that?
FEMALE VOICE: Eek, mice!
BRAIN: And hello to you too, Miss. What is your name? Are you friend or foe?
ARIADNE: My name is Ariadne, and that depends on if you know where Theseus...eeek!
BRAIN: Yes, you already said that.
ARIADNE: M-m-m-Minotaur!
BRAIN: Yes, and his snoring is driving us spare.
ARIADNE: B-b-but...
BRAIN: He’s apparently eaten all the virgins he needs for this year and he’s sound asleep.
ARIADNE: Theseus?
BRAIN: I’m afraid so.
ARIADNE: [weeping]
BRAIN: Pinky? Where did that handkerchief come from? It’s bigger than you are!
PINKY: This ‘inventory’ has amazing storage, Brain. Zart.
BRAIN: We would appreciate an escort out of here, Miss.
ARIADNE: Just follow this thread.
BRAIN: What will you do?
ARIADNE: There is a sleeping Minotaur here. There is a Minotaur-killing sword here. My inventory contains a deep desire for revenge. What do you think I’m going to do?
BRAIN: All right, Miss, but remember that if you don’t make it all the way to the peanut butter, they’ll require you to run the maze again.
PINKY: Blort!