I can't decide if it's a choice
Getting swept away
I hear the sound of my own voice
Asking you to stay
And all we are is skin and bone
Trained to get along
Forever going with the flow
But you're friction
This slope is treacherous
This path is reckless
This slope is treacherous
I, I, I like it
She knows this isn't right. He's her commander, her mentor. Falling in love with him is asking for trouble, and she knows it. Yet, everyday she spends with him is magic. And she finds herself wanting to please him, wanting to make him proud of her, doing whatever he tells her to without question (well, most of the time, anyway). She hangs on to his every word and believes every single one. In her eyes, Yon-Rogg's commands are law. It's almost like a spell, really. Some sort of incantation that had been cast in place of her missing memories, and now, he's all she knows, all she sees, all she believes to be real.
With him, she feels protected, and yet deep down, she knows she's never been in more danger.
Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you
I'm caught up in you
Burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close I feel like coming undone
He doesn't know why he keeps answering her nightly knocks, really.
That's a complete lie. He knows why.
He tries to turn her away. Oh, he tells her that he's got better things to do than to babysit her, that he's too busy, that he cannot have his sleep disturbed by her because she couldn't get any herself.
"I can't sleep." She says. It's those pesky dreams again. He wishes he could rid her of them. He wishes she could simply forget her past and leave it behind her, so that he could truly help her become the best version of herself with no hindrance, no distractions.
"There are tabs for that." He reminds her. Speaking of distractions, it seems he's somehow mistaken, because she doesn't seem to be the one being distracted at all in these nightly meetings they keep having. It's beginning to look as if he was the one being sidetracked by things. Like her showing up in an ungodly hour in his apartment, looking as ethereal, irresistible, and sinfully beautiful as she does.
That does not stop her from asking him to train and fight so she could blow off some steam.
Neither does it stop him from saying yes to her and going, anyway.
He's a soldier, for gods' sakes! Why can't he say no to Vers? Why does he give in to her without so much as a protest? Why does his mind welcome such thoughts as the playful mischief in Vers's eyes or the way her hair curtains her face, or how the moonlight makes it seem like she's glowing when she turns just so?
Why does he let himself get caught up in her smiles, her inane jokes, her sharp wit, her carefree laughter, her undeniable power over him? Why does he let himself be overcome by a mere Terran? He doesn't even have the decency to pretend to be annoyed by her now.
He should, and did, know better than this. What of all his training, then? Where had all his self-control gone?
He must not think like this. He must not feel like this at all. Lest he brings the Supreme Intelligence's wrath upon him... Or upon them both.
You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and its all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And its comin' over you like its all a big mistake
Holding my breath, won't lose you again
Something's made your eyes go cold
Come on, come on don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted
Come on, come on don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Can't breathe whenever you're gone
Can't turn back, now I'm haunted
Stood there and watched you walk away
From everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you
She knows. She finally discovered the truth about her past.
The truth that he had so carefully hidden from her all these years.
Six years, to be exact.
The secret is out, and hard as he tries, there is nothing Yon-Rogg can do a bout it.
Oh, he had known that this day would come. In his heart of hearts, he had known. He knew that when that day came, she would leave him and never look back. And he would lose her forever.
The thing was, he had somehow managed to fool himself into thinking that no, there was absolutely no way for her to find out the truth, and that the day he'd dreaded most would never come, and that losing her was no longer a possibility.
And now, that day had come.
But he did not expect it to hurt this much.
He tells her he's proud of her, that she had come so far since the day he first found her. The day he first laid eyes on her, the day he gave her his blood to save her life. The day he fell in love with her, though he did not know it then.
None of that mattered now, however.
He is certain she does not believe a word he's saying now. Not that she has any reason to, when he had obviously given her none to begin with.
"I can't go back empty-handed," he told her. 'Please don't leave.' he wanted to say instead. 'Please don't leave me here.' he wanted to plead.
But It's too late now. She is ending all of it, she says. It's definitive. The finality and certainty in her voice is hard to miss.
And when she offers him her hand, only to all but drag him to that broken pod, that's when he knew. The woman he knew as Vers is gone, and she's gone for good. But the ghost of her still remains, forever a phantom at his side, haunting him, tormenting him, hurting him, calming him, even as he flies, lost and adrift, aimless, restless, wandering alone in a galaxy filled with stars and of her.
Loving him is like
Driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind
Passionate as sin
Ending so suddenly
Loving him is like
Trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright
Just before they lose it all
Losing him was blue like I'd never known
Missing him was dark grey, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Everything she knew, or thought she knew, was a lie.
Lies. All of it.
How could she have been so blind?
All this time, she thought she had a true home. A home by his side. A home with him.
But no. All this time, she was being used and manipulated, made to believe that she was fighting for a noble cause, the right cause. Made to think that she was safe, cared for, maybe even loved, by him.
He said they'd do this, get to the bottom of everything, together. And he'd said it so earnestly that she didn't even think to doubt him. He'd sounded like he meant it. Like he cared. For her, for her quest to uncover her past, for her wish to know, to find her true self once again.
But he didn't.
To him, she was nothing more than a weapon, one not to be wasted nor left for the enemy to find. That was why he had rescued her then, wasn't it?
Ha! Rescued? More like abducted.
She was kidnaped. Taken away from all she had known and loved. From her family and friends. From her best friend.
And he had taken the life of the woman who had taught her everything she needed to know, the woman who had believed in her, believed in what she could do and all that she could become. Her true mentor.
Man, how could she have been so dumb?
She feels hollow, empty, broken. She's not sure if she knows who she truly was, anymore. Too many scattered pieces of herself, contradicting and overlapping. She's lost, confused, and a little scared, too.
And her heart? Well, she'd always known that falling in love with him would lead to disaster, didn't she?
And look at where it's gotten her now.
The thing is, she finds it hard to separate the truths from the lies. Had it really all ben a lie? Because if so, then why does she feel like she's being torn up inside?
If the memories of her past life on earth could be erased just like that, then why can't she forget him just as easily?
Does she really want to forget him?
Of course she does! He had ruined her life, he had destroyed it, in fact. Her identity stolen, her past suppressed and forgotten, her memories altered and tampered with, she should hate Yon-Rogg.
And she does.
5. If This Was A Movie
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
If you're out there,
If you're somewhere,
If you're moving on,
I've been waiting for you.
Ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before.
And I just wanna see you back at my front door
He dreams of her, sometimes.
He dreams of her coming back to him in many ways. Some nights, he dreams of her coming to find him. In some dreams, he's the one to search for her, and when he does find her, she welcomes him and says she forgives him, even before he asks for forgiveness.
Other nights weren't so kind. In those nights, he simply dreams of her face, her eyes, looking at him with such cold disdain, such bitter disappointment, and he could never stand those dreams, because they're more like nightmares, if he's being honest.
She never appears angry in any of her nightly visits, though.
Sad, maybe. Cold and distant, yes. Dismissive, sometimes. Indifferent and apathetic? Most of the time. But never angry.
He has yet to decide Whether this should comfort him Or not.
In any case, he still deludes himself into believing that one day, one of his better dreams of her would become a reality.
Oh, what a fool he has become. A poor, stupid, lovestruck fool.
6. I Almost Do
You think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply
It never ever occurred to you
That I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye
And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you
And I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do
I almost do
Oh, we made quite a mess, babe
It's probably better off this way
She finds her old communicator one day.
She was going through her stuff, old ones from back when she lived with Maria, and things that she accumulated in her six years living in Hala. Her 'pretend life', she liked to call it. She was separating them into piles. The 'keep it' pile and the 'leave it/throw it away' pile.
"What's that?" Monica asks as she turns to her, probably to see if she had anything to add to any of the two piles. She had wanted to help out, and Carol had happily let her. Maria was out on some errands, and so it was just the two of them.
Carol holds up the device. She looks at it, expression blank.
"This was my communicator. I used it back in H... where I lived, before. I think it's busted, though," She pauses, then begins checking the thing for damages. It still looked intact, but one couldn't be sure, so she examines it more closely. In the end, she deems it salvageable, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to take the time and put int the effort to fix it herself, since she only had a few more days with Maria and Monica, and then it's back to space again, back to her new responsibilities.
"So, what do you think, Lieutenant Trouble? Which pile does this belong to?"
"Well, I guess it depends." Monica looked at the Com and then at Carol. "Do you still need it? 'Cause if you do, then you have to fix it if it's busted now, like you said, right?"
She nods. That was the question, wasn't it? Does she still have any use for a busted Kree communication device? Who's there to contact with it? It's not like she's got Kree buddies or anything., especially now. Even if the com is fixable, she didn't have anyone to call, so why bother?
Well, there's one-
No. She firmly told herself. Do not go there.
Why should she be thinking of him now? It's not like she wants to call him or anything, right? What would be the point? Why should she call him, and why would she even want to? What was left to discuss? Nothing.
'But what if he wants to talk, to explain? Maybe I need to talk to him, too...'
HA! As if. She doesn't think so. There is nothing more that needs to be talked about, in her opinion.
Then why? Why does she wonder about him, as she stares at the Kree gadget in her hand? Why does she find herself asking the questions she'd told herself she did not, and would not, ever want to ask?
'Where did that pod take him after I blasted him into space?'
'What could he be doing now?'
'Is he safe? Did he reach Hala? What would the SI do to him after he delivers my message?'
Without even thinking, without even realizing what her fingers were doing, she began fiddling with the communicator, pressing buttons, twisting wires, turning knobs. She could call him and get this all over with. She believes that once she does, she'll finally be able to put this whole thing behind her, Yon-Rogg and everything they had, everything they were, everything they shared, everything he was to her.
She was yanked out of her thoughts by Monica's voice. She whipped her head around to face her Godchild, who was snapping her fingers in front of Carol's face.
"Earth to Auntie Carol, are you all right?"
She smiled sheepishly at Monica. "Sorry, champ. You were saying?"
Rolling her eyes cutely, Monica pointed to what Carol was holding. "Are you keeping that or throwing it away?"
Oh, right, she was in the middle of something here, something productive, and she had allowed herself to be distracted by something that was very much the opposite. She had actually considered calling Yon-Rogg, the traitor who betrayed her? What was she thinking? What happened to her common sense? She even embarrassed herself in front of Monica, who was now looking at her far too knowingly for someone her age. But then again, she'd always been smarter than most girls her age.
"Um, I think this thing's too broken to be fixed, so we can just get rid of it." She decided.
"You sure?" Monica took the communicator from Carol. "If you say so."
She smirked, but it lacked something, and Monica could see it, she knows, but the girl thankfully didn't say anything, bless her. "Of course I'm sure, silly."
She had to be, otherwise she might end up blasting her own stupid head off for what she almost did today.
Seriously, what got into her brain? She and Yon-Rogg are done. She hates him, and she's sure he hates her, too. What with their last encounter, the way she stomped on his pride and spit on it for good measure, he'd be crazy not to despise her.
And she loathes him just as much, so...
So why did hearing Monica throw the offending piece of equipment into the 'throw it away' pile with a 'clunk' make her feel like she'd lost something important to her, with no chance of ever getting it back?
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
All this time
I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
So many signs
So many signs (you didn't even see the signs)
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
Viewed as a disgrace in his home planet, Unwelcome anywhere else, the Supreme Intelligence caring little for whatever he chooses to do with his life now. He had delivered Ver- No, Carol's message. Carol. That is her name now, isn't it? He'd heard it mentioned more than a couple of times during His visits to other planets.
There had been another name talked about in those planets. Some sort of superhero pseudonym; Captain Marvel. Yes, that's the one. A name that had been talked about with such awe and reverence by people all over the cosmos. How fitting, he thinks, that new name. For he himself cannot help but marvel at her, what she had become, all that she had accomplished.
And she had managed to do it all without him. All the credit goes to her alone. Her powers, her strength of will, her tenacity, her utter lack of self-preservation, which, he admits to himself ruefully, he knows all too well.
So she did not need him, after all. Now that he thinks about it, perhaps she never did.
She most certainly does not need him now. It is truly unfathomable to him that he had somehow held on to the illusion that she needed him to succeed and achieve her full potential.
But he realized now how wrong he had been. That perhaps he was the one who needed her, and not the other way around, as he had at first thought.
He also began to realize how worthless he truly was compared to her.
He's most definitely worth nothing now.
Almost immediately after he delivered Carol's message, as she had instructed (more like threatened within an inch of his life) him to do, he was labeled a worthless, lowlife piece of garbage and promptly exiled (more like thrown out) from Hala by the Supremer for his troubles.
Oh, and did he mention that he was exiled, becoming nothing more than a galactic nomad, a rogue wanderer, an aimless vagabond, these days?
How the mighty have fallen, indeed.
What would she say if she saw him now? She would probably laugh in his face for ten straight minutes, and then leave him again without a backward glance.
No, she would not do that. She is strong-willed and fierce, true, but she is kind, more so than himself or anyone he knew, anyway, so she would not laugh at him or ridicule him.
Punch him or blast him into oblivion? Now those are things she'd most likely do.
Why should he trouble himself with any of it now, anyway, when she had obviously made it clear that she, too, like the SI, cared little for him or for what happened to him? Why should he feel offended or hurt? Is it because he had once been the closest to her, him and no one else, back in Hala? Because he had taught her everything he knew about combat, because he had once been responsible for her? Is it because once, she had freely given him her respect and her trust and looked to him for guidance? Is it because she, he knows, looked at him, treated him, and spoke to him as more than the revered Starforce commander, but as a real person? Is it because once, he thinks, she might have even considered him her best friend? >
Why did he hurt like this? It isn't as if he had any right to.
He wonders if she's happy now, now that she's off saving the world and defending the weak, all that she'd aspired to do. He wishes he could ask, he wishes he could talk to her, and know, make sure, and see for himself that she was safe, that she was content. But not too much so. Does she still train? She should not let her guard down just because she possesses glowing hands now. He hopes she does not completely abandon using her fists and choose to rely solely on her newly unlocked powers. She had always been a bit overconfident, in his opinion. He'd told her as much a hundred times, before, not that she ever listened to him.
But what right does he have to want to do any of this now? He'd lost any right he had that fateful day she stepped foot on Terra.
Because the day Carol Danvers returned was the day his version died.
7. (Bonus) The Story of Us
I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say, "they're the lucky ones"
I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up I can't break through
Now I'm standing alone In a crowded room
And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know
Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah
I don't know what to say since the twist of fate
When it all broke down and the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now
"Did you hear about the Kree commander?"
"Commander? You mean the one from Hala? Yeah, I heard the Kree Supreme Intellegence basically kicked him out of it's planet."
"Yes, I heard that, too. But why did it do that?"
"I think it failed one of it's missions. And you know what happens when a Kree fails."
"But I thought the punishment is death for Kree who mess up."
"Apparently, the SI thought that was too good a punishment for the guy."
"What'd he do that was so bad, anyway? Kill one of his people?"
"No, much worse. For the Kree, at least. He fell in love."
"And get this, I also heard that the woman he fell in love with was the one he was supposed to kill."
"Hahaha! That's stupid. No wonder the SI just exiled him instead of going through the trouble of killing him. He's obviously not worth even that, huh?"
"Hey! Ya'll talking about the Kree soldier? Do you guys know what I hear from my buddies from Knowhere? That woman he was ordered to kill but didn't? It's Danvers."
"Captain Marvel? Well, ain't that something'. Who'd a thunk?"
"'S what I was sayin'. No wonder she's not dead, I don't think anybody'd stand against her, not even a Kree."
"But isn't that Kree, like, a high-ranking commander or something? And I heard from someone that he used to train Danvers herself, long ago."
"What? Ah, but that don't really matter now, do it? From what I know, they used to be the big cheese back in Hala, like a power couple, if you will. But see, only one of 'em holds all the power now."
"Ha! True. I bet the girl doesn't even love 'im back, eh?"
"And why would she? I reckon Marvel's smarter'n that, she wouldn't waste her time on a piece of trash like that guy."
"Wasn't always a piece of trash, though, right?"
"Hm, sure, but that was then, this is now."
"Yeah, from gold to dust, so they say."
"And all because of love. How pathetic is that?"
"It's as my Pa always says, love brings out the crazy in all folk."
"Ain't that the truth, bud. Ain't that the truth."