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Notes from the Fourth Year of Marriage

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David and Patrick had become so into the note writing, that their jar overflowed this year.

Here are some things they wrote.

9-3 Celebrated our anniversary with sex and pizza.

9-6 Patrick wore the olive green shirt that I got him for our anniversary to work today. It looks so good on him.

9-19 Flew to LA for the Emmys. We joined the mile-high club on the flight.

9-20 My mom has an Emmy! Sunrise Bay also won Best Drama. She thanked “my lovely son David and his husband, Pete-rick” in her acceptance speech. Patrick wasn’t amused.

9-21 Kelly Clarkson complimented David on his suit at the Emmys afterparty last night. He was speechless.

9-23 Back home in Schitt’s Creek. Roland added a “Home to Emmy Winner Moira Rose” sign to the town sign. David hates it.

10-31 Alexis sent us a picture of Twyla-Rose dressed up as a unicorn for Halloween. David has been showing everyone who comes into the store.

11-14 David wore my favorite sweater today. He didn’t like that I kept petting his shoulders. I can’t resist, it’s so soft.

12-3 Bob slipped on the ice heading into his shop this morning. He busted open his head on the sidewalk. Patrick was heading into the shop and saw it happen. He was able to help administer first aid until the ambulance arrived.

12-4 Bob is doing better. We visited him in the hospital. He cracked his skull and fractured his arm in the fall. It looks like he’ll be out of commission for at least the rest of the year. I agreed to watch his shop for him while he heals.

12-25 Celebrated Christmas with the Mullins in NYC. Twyla-Rose looked adorable in her frilly Christmas dress.

1-3 Roland asked if I’d be interested in running for Town Council. Bob stepped down due to his injuries. The election would be in the new year, I’m strongly considering it.

1-5 My husband is running for Town Council. I had no idea that he had political ambition.

1-10 Stevie moved out. She and Rachel started dating when Rachel moved to Elmdale for work and they decided to move in together. David thinks it’s strange.

2-1 We went back to my hometown for a retirement party for my Dad. They’re thinking they may move to Schitt’s Creek so they can be closer to David and me.

2-3 Patrick won the election for a spot on the Town Council. He scolded me for calling him Councilman Brewer when I gave him a congratulatory blow job.

2-14 Patrick made me Red Velvet heart-shaped pancakes and bacon for Valentine’s Day dinner. It was unexpected but perfect. It was the best Valentine’s Day dinner I’ve ever had.

2-14 David thanked me for the dinner I made him with a long slow session of lovemaking. I don’t know how he does it, but I felt like I was floating after. I love David more words can express.

2-23 My first Town Council meeting went well. Ronnie has been nicer to me since I got elected.

3-2 My childhood home was sold. It’s strange. Mom and Dad haven’t found a house in Schitt’s Creek yet. They’ll be staying in our guest room in the meantime.

4-5 Mr. and Mrs. Brewer are officially residents of Schitt’s Creek. Mr. Brewer and Patrick fixed up the guest house in the backyard and they moved in. It’ll be nice to have them close.

4-10 David had to shave his groin for minor surgery. He’s still sexy but I miss his furry balls.

4-18 Mr. Brewer showed me how to use the lawnmower today. Patrick was impressed when he got home and I was cutting the grass.

4-22 Ted accepted a job at the Aquarium in Toronto. He starts in June.

5-1 Patrick made me waffles for breakfast. It was worth waking up early for.

5-5 Ted and I went to a Blue Jays game in Toronto. He’s house hunting. It’ll be nice to have them a bit closer.

5-22 The power went out in the Rose Apothecary due to a thunderstorm. David took that as a sign to eat a bunch of the cheese at the shop so that it wouldn’t spoil. I’m so glad that our next delivery is tomorrow.

6-10 Spent the weekend helping The Mullins unpack and set up their new house. Ted and I did most of the work. Alexis and David were helpful with decorating when David wasn’t playing with Twyla-Rose. She’s got her Uncle David wrapped around her finger. It’s very cute.

6-16 I sang “My Life Would Suck Without You” for David at Open Mic Night.

6-16 My life would suck without Patrick Brewer-Rose. He’s the best.

6-19 We started carrying an organic tattoo cream made by one of our vendors at the Rose Apothecary. It’s a popular seller.

7-2 We had a surprise party at Ted and Alexis’s new house near Toronto for David’s 40th Birthday. I told him we were going to celebrate Twyla-Rose turning 1. I love that they share birthdays. He was shocked. It wasn’t a big deal, Mr. and Mrs. Rose, my parents, Ted’s parents, Twyla, Stevie, and Rachel. My parents were excited to meet Twyla-Rose.

7-5 My mom is trying to teach David how to cook. I love how patient she is with him. He tries his best but he’s so easily distracted in the kitchen.

7-18 David’s balls are furry again. He doesn’t get why I keep nuzzling them when he’s naked.

8-3 Alexis sent us a photo of Twyla-Rose wearing a shirt that said “Big Sister.” She’s due on Valentine’s Day.

8-30 Rachel and Stevie asked us if one of us would be willing to be a sperm donor. She and Stevie have been discussing kids lately and they decided to ask us. They suggested we’d be more like Uncles. It’s a lot to process.

9-2 We’ll be married four years tomorrow. David told me he’s going to give me four orgasms to celebrate.