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Love, Beca

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FROM: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
TO: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: how do people do this?

Morning Red, 

These exams are STRESSING ME TF OUT. 

I'm getting around five hours a sleep a night, if I'm lucky and trying to make up for the lack of sleep with extreme amounts of caffeine. Consequently, I am a fucking zombie. Seriously, I feel like I’m constantly floating above my body at the moment. 

How are you surviving? Please feel free to send all of your study tips and tricks my way. 

Love, Melody.

 


 

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com 
SUBJECT: Re: how do people do this?

Sweet Melody, 

Remember to breathe. 

I’m barely surviving either, but my study sessions are fuelled with double shot espressos and a lot of salty snacks. I've actually got a very good way at memorising things like facts and statistics. I come up with a song and by the end of the night I can't get the tune and the words out of my head. If that isn't your thing then my other favourite study technique is highlighting, my books look like frickin traffic lights. 

Hope that helps?

Love, Red.

 


 

Normally Beca would have thought that coming up with a song to remember information was lame - Music was meant to be fun, why would you ruin it with school shit? And if it was anyone else she probably would have, but it was Red. And ever since that first email, Beca had had a hard time getting Red out of her mind. Not that she wanted to, it was more that she needed to - it was becoming exceedingly more difficult to concentrate on school work, her friends and even her music. 

Before Red, nobody had really filled her mind that way before, Beca was always stuck in her music; humming the lyrics of songs in the shower, turning two songs into a remix as she found similar melodies and blended them together, her head would spin as she attempted to write lyrics for her band. And if she wasn't creating original music, Beca was making spotify playlists and listening to record after record of her favourite artists. She didn't allow herself to occupy her time with a lot other than music, of course she hung out with her friends often, but Beca didn't really have anything else going for her. 

That was why music was so important to her, and she was scared that if she let her guard down for even two seconds then her potential music career would come tumbling down. She didn't know if she could let Red, or anyone else, break down another wall. 

Beca had always been the type of person to act on her thoughts, not allowing her heart to guide her like others. She didn't need those kind of distractions in her life, she needed to succeed in her music and things like that would've held her back, because love was weakness, right?

But recently her judgement has been a little clouded. 

 


 

Beca could imagine Red sitting at her desk, colouring her book with different colour highlighters, each colour indicating something different; Green for the things she knows and was confident with, Amber/Orange for the stuff she wasn’t quite sure on and Red for the things she didn’t really know at all. 

She wished she knew who Red was, because that would've been one less thing out of Beca's bucket of stresses that was keeping her from studying. That morning she opened her books with every intention to study, but it seemed that everything was a distraction to Beca, even herself. 

She shifted from her position on her bed to throw an empty Red Bull can into her wastebasket before sliding her laptop back over to her. 

 


 

FROM: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
TO: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: Re: how do people do this?

Dear Red, 

I might have to try that, but I don't want a song stuck in my head about algebra or Catcher in the Rye, I'd rather have fucking baby shark or something in my head. And I don't actually have any highlighters, I lost them the other day when my friend was annoying me so I threw pens at his head to try and shut him up. Pretty much the entire contents of my pencil case is somewhere in his room. 

It’s all about the caffeine!!! Red Bull is my saviour, but I think once these exams are over I need an intense workout to help my heart to recover, (my dad keeps telling me I should stop drinking energy drinks as they are ‘the work of satan’ - he really needs to stop watching youtube, that women doesn't know what she's going on about, plus, it’s red bull not monster) but it’s the only thing keeping me going right now. 

I must admit, I have always been shit at concentrating on things especially when people keep telling me it's important. So maybe I'll fail these exams and disappoint my father even more. 

Sorry for being a downer, I just cannot on anything focus right now.

Love, Melody

(Ps. I am cracking open another can of Red Bull as I finish up this email)

 


 

"Fuck this," Beca muttered. She had given up trying to study because there was no way even a single piece of information would go into her head. Her books slammed shut as she pushed them to the edge of her bed and stood up and wandered over to her desk. 

The group were meeting at Stacie's in an hour to go over some of their notes, and Beca was contemplating texting and saying she was sick. There was no point in going somewhere to study if she knew she would not be able to focus for even five minutes.

But if she would have told her friends that she was sick, they would have been worried and questioned her further, which would then distract them from studying. 

Beca just needed to get her shit together and put her head down. But it wasn’t like she could relearn the entire year in two months. 

“Oh shit,” she muttered aloud. She only had two months of high school until she graduated. If she was graduating. 

What if she doesn’t get to graduate? She should have studied more. Maybe her Dad was right, she had spent all of her time with the band or making mixes that she hadn’t left anytime for school. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Panic began to rise through her, clamping onto her fingers first. It felt like thousands of tiny soldiers were stabbing at them with thousands of tiny swords leaving her fingers almost numb, except for a slight tingling sensation.

She wasn’t imagining it, her heart was speeding up. She could feel it pounding against her chest, could even hear the way it was making her blood pump faster. Beca continued to tell herself that it was just the effects of the Red Bull, but she knew it was more than that. 

It had gotten to her lungs, the panic consumed them, leaving behind no air for Beca to breathe. 

The open Red Bull got discarded onto the floor as her legs became unstable beneath her. Beca reached out for something to hold onto, to keep her upright but her fingers only clasped around empty air. She stumbled backwards as she felt the crushing weight come down on her chest again. The tiny soldiers were back, except this time they were much bigger and they all attacked Beca in the same place. There was a long sharp pain in her chest, the pressure made her legs finally collapse. Her bed was close, but she missed it entirely. She folded onto the floor, her back up against the wall as she breathed through the pain.

Her hearing fogged over and blocked out all noise except a slight ringing, which she was sure she was imagining. Meanwhile, spots of darkness appeared at the corners of her eyes as the room closed in on her. Her vision started to get darker and darker until everything was just a blur of shapes and colours coming alive in her eyes like a kaleidoscope. 

She blinked, then again, and again until the pattern started disappearing, but a cloud of darkness took over, which blocked her vision entirely. For a minute, the blood pulsating in her ears was the only thing she could hear, until even that was gone. 

Beca's heart was pounding in her chest, rattling in her rib cage, as if it was trying to break free. She could feel the sweat on her head that dampened her hair, threatening to drip down her face. 

She reached out again, searching for anything she could grip onto and ride this out, but her hands were shaking so much that she dropped whatever it was she picked up. 

She was fucked. There was no way she was getting out of this. How long had it been going on for? Was she going to die? All she wanted to do was crawl up into a ball and ride this out but she was panicking and everything hurt. 

It was then that her hearing came back slightly. There was a small pop and then everything became a little clearer, but it was still quite groggy as if she had water in her ears. 

"Hey, Beca." Emily's voice broke through it all. 

Her vision was slowly coming back, everything was still a blur but she was no longer in the darkness. 

Beca looked up, shocked, but still unable to snap out of it. 

Emily dropped to the floor beside Beca so she could assess her closer. Beca's tear stained face and unsteady breathing instantly worried the younger girl. 

"Beca? Are you okay?" 

"Y-uh..Yeah," her voice shook, which confirmed Emily's suspicions that Beca was not okay. 

She edged closer to Beca and reached for her hand, hoping that their connection would help Beca slip out of her state. Emily didn't know what was wrong, but she did know that whatever happened with Beca was serious, because Beca didn't cry, and she definitely didn't let other people see her upset. The whole scene in front of her made her uneasy, normally Beca was the one comforting Emily. She had never seen Beca like that before. 

"Just breathe with me," She said, and squeezed Beca's hand with just enough pressure to keep her grounded. 

 


 

After whatever that was, Beca could not be in the house any longer. She picked up her school bag, laptop and headphones then headed downstairs. 

"I'm going out," she said to nobody in particular, but it was probably only Kat that heard. Her Dad wasn't home yet, which wasn't surprising because he'd been working late for the past few nights, but it kind of felt like he was trying his best to avoid Beca. Emily had gone out, she was meeting friends, and it took Beca ages to convince her to go. She was persistent that she would stay at home with Beca, but then Beca reminded her that she was studying with friends and didn't need babysitting. 

She started up her truck then drove off, not exactly knowing where she was going. She still had half an hour until she needed to be at Stacie's so Beca pulled into Pancake Shack's drive through, but instead of ordering a coffee like she wanted, she asked for a hot chocolate. Beca figured too much caffeine was probably a bad thing. She had already had one panic attack, she didn't want another one in the same day. 

"Thanks," Beca smiled at the worker as she passed over the hot chocolate. She dropped it into the cup holder and drove towards the park. 

Once she'd parked up and stopped the truck, her headphones were placed over her ears and she reached for her laptop. Instead of opening up her usual mixing apps, she clicked on the spotify icon and found her playlist called 'Red' with a red heart emoji. 

Yes. She was making a playlist for Red. 

All the songs on that playlist were songs that made Beca think of Red. Some of the songs were classics, but some of them were not Beca's usual kind of music. She listened to them and the lyrics said everything she wanted to say to Red. As much as Beca wasn't ready to admit it, but she was falling for Red, and fast. She was on her mind constantly - whenever Beca heard a song for the first time she would question if Red has heard it. She wondered what Red's laugh sounded like. If she wore lipstick and what colour was her colour? What colour were her eyes? 

Beca didn't know anything about her - well, she knew some things of course, like her interest in photography, Titanium was her 'jam', she liked Harry Potter and music. Her favourite colours were yellow and blue. She loved movies and had so many favourite songs. But they were all small things, Beca wanted to know everything. She wanted to know the girl she was falling for. 

 


 

Chloe and Aubrey obviously knew more than everyone else about how to study the correct way because they had a bunch of highlighters, flash cards and mini tests, whereas Beca showed up with a pen, her notebook and a few textbooks. Once everyone had sat down and got into the zone, they all got to work. Stacie was focusing on physics because she had an exam the next day and was the only one in that class. Everyone else was working on Math, and Beca fucking hated Math. 

Once again she couldn't concentrate, she didn't know why she thought it would be any different. There was no music playing because Aubrey refused to listen to music whilst studying, she pulled up studies on her phone of how listening to music whilst revising does not work. She claimed it would just be a distraction, so they continued to work in silence. 

But it was too quiet. Beca could hear the tiny sighs coming out of Chloe's mouth every time she got stuck on a question. And Stacie was chewing gum, it wasn't even loud but once she'd acknowledged it she couldn't ignore it. Jesse was humming some bullshit song under his breath and Aubrey's pen scratched the paper multiple times as she was writing something down. 

It was too quiet, but it was so fucking loud. 

Beca's leg began to bounce underneath the table in attempt to release some anxiety. She couldn't sit still anymore because everything was driving her insane. She just wanted to shut it all off - shut her brain off. 

Every few minutes Chloe would pull her phone out and check the screen, sigh, then drop it back into her bag. Beca just assumed she was waiting for a text from Chicago, which added to Beca's pile of distractions. Would Chicago just drop the situation now that he was in with Chloe or would he continue to torment Beca?

"Beca stop shaking the table," Stacie hissed.

Beca stilled her leg and apologised quietly before zoning out again. 

What if Beca came out first? If Beca told everyone she was gay before Chicago had the chance to out her then he wouldn't have anything against her. Except the emails. But no one would care about a couple of emails between Beca and a potential love interest. It would be none of their business. But this was high school - kids were cruel. And Beca couldn't risk losing Red, but maybe that wouldn't have to happen. Beca was sick of waiting for her happiness to come, she wanted to be happy now, and she finally had a chance. 

But Red had said 'I'm not ready for everything to change,' in a email. So what if Beca came out and Red learned that she was Melody, would she run away?

"Beca," Aubrey snapped. 

Beca looked up at the sound of her name. "Huh?" 

Aubrey's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets. "Can you stop that?" 

She looked at the blonde, confused, until she followed Aubrey's gaze down to the pen in her hand. She must have been clicking it again, Beca tended to do that when she had too much on her mind. 

Beca did not want Aubrey to toss her cookies again, especially because she was sat opposite her. "Sorry." She mumbled as an apology and dropped the pen onto her notebook. Her phone was in her hands again, too distracted to get anymore work done. There was a notification from her Gmail account from over forty minutes ago. How had she missed that?

 


 

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com 
SUBJECT: Re: how do people do this?

Just remember these exams aren't our finals. Yes, they use these exams to predict the grades we will get but they do not predict our future. If you fail these exams (which I very much doubt you will) then it isn't the end of the world. You still have another chance. And another. If you don't get the grades you need to get into the college you want to go to, then there's other colleges out there. Your life plan is not set it stone or predestined for you, you're more free than that. 

If you need a break from this then take a break, grades and school doesn't define you, Melody, so don't let it stress you out so much. 

If you need to talk, I'm here, always. 

Love, Red. 

 


 

Beca's face visibly softened as she read the last line of Red's email. The 'always' stood out more than the rest, because people said 'I'm here' all the time but that extra 'always' made Beca's heart skip a beat. She didn't understand how Red knew the exact right thing to say to her when her brain was spiralling. 

Beca sat back in her chair and released a breath she didn't even know she was holding in. 

Everything was going to be okay. 

"Are you okay?" Stacie questioned. She gave Beca a confused glance as she wondered why Beca looked happy and relieved all of a sudden. 

By the looks of it, Stacie had also given up and had picked up her phone to occupy her. The only people who were actually still studying were Aubrey and Jesse. Chloe was in her own little world too, typing something on her phone as she frowned at the screen. 

"Uh, yeah," Beca nodded and put her phone back on the table, "But I think my brains fried. Can we take a break?"

"Want to watch a movie?" Jesse piped in, looking overly hopeful at his suggestion. It must have surprised him when Beca agreed because his face was visibly confused. 

"You," Jesse started, "The Queen of hating movies actually wants to watch a movie?"

Beca shrugged and gestured to the open textbooks in front of them. "Anything is better than this."

"She's right," Stacie said, "If I have to read another word on astrophysics I think I might die." Beca laughed at that and made the first move to stand up from the table. 

Aubrey stood up too, and tugged on Chloe's sweater. “Actually, Chloe and I need to go. I’m helping her get ready for a date.” 

“Oh.” Beca didn’t mean to react out loud, but it just slipped between her lips. 

Chloe glanced up at her, a small frown was etching at her lips but the smile stayed present. “Sorry guys,” Chloe said. 

“It’s alright, have fun,” Stacie replied, then jumped up from her seat to hug Chloe. The two started talking about what Chloe was going to wear and Beca took that as her cue to look the other way. 

Her eyes landed on Aubrey and Jesse. She’d caught them in a hug, and it didn’t look like either of them wanted to let go anytime soon. 

Why was all of her friends falling in love? It wasn’t fair that it wasn’t that easy for her and it never would be. 

Arms enveloped Beca in a hug from behind which made Beca jump. She turned her head for auburn locks to fall into her face and she was instantly hit with Chloe’s sweet aroma. 

“Oh hi,” Beca said. 

“Try not to stress so much,” Chloe whispered into Beca’s ear. She didn’t know if it was Chloe’s breath that sent shivers down her spine or the words she used. 

Chloe had to be Red, right? 

God, it would make so much sense. She was the perfect girl, it would explain why so many of her feelings for Red also reflect the way she felt about Chloe. But why would Chloe be going out with Chicago if she was Red? 

Shit. 

Jesse’s cheeks were hinted with pink when he turned around to face them. 

So, how’s it going with Aubrey?” Stacie questioned with a sly smile. 

“Oh,” Jesse sighed gleefully, “It’s pretty good. We’re going out tomorrow night, I think she could really be the one.” 

He looked genuinely happy as he spoke about her. Even though there were times that Beca and Aubrey didn't see eye to eye, she really wanted this to work out. Jesse was one of her best friend's and all she wanted was for him to be happy, and if Aubrey was the cause of that then she would be happy for him. 

“You said that about Beca, remember?” Stacie replied as she examined her cuticles. “And that Jasmine girl you dated.”

Stacie seemed jealous almost, did she like jesse? Oh my god, was jesse the guy she kissed? Beca had thought it was Luke because they had hooked up in the past, but what if she was wrong?

Beca didn’t have time to think about other people's relationship drama anymore, her head was too riddled with thoughts of Chloe and Red. 

“This time feels different,” Jesse admitted, "Good different."

The three of them headed upstairs to Stacie's bedroom and jumped onto Stacie’s bed, claiming their usual positions. 

Beca rested her head against the pillow as she lay beside Stacie. Her eyes flickered over the ceiling, glancing between each glow in the dark star stickers. They had faded a lot over the years but they’d always brought a sense of calmness to Beca.

”Ooh, guys have you seen the pictures?” Stacie sat up quickly and pulled up facebook on her phone. 

Beca didn’t have time to ask her what pictures she was talking about because Stacie shoved her phone in front of Beca. 

It was the band’s facebook page. 

Stacie created Kick Affiliation an instagram and facebook page soon after their band started performing gigs. She updated pictures and posts on their behalf, because none of the three band mates are capable of running a social media page according to Stacie. 

"Dude, that picture is awesome." Beca pointed to the second picture on the screen. 

She was singing into the microphone on the stand whilst her fingers were strumming on the guitar simultaneously. jesse was also strumming his guitar - the grin on his face was massive. Luke wasn’t grinning, but you could tell he was having the time of his life. The shot had captured him with his eyes closed, the microphone close as he sang alongside Beca. He once told Beca that he was at his most confident when he was performing, but also that he was the most real version of himself because there was nothing holding him back. And she really related to that. For Beca, performing was an escape, a chance for her to let all of her troubles disappear and simply be.

Stacie nodded, "Chloe took them, she took all of them actually."

"She did?" Beca was shocked. She knew Chloe could take decent photos, if her instagram (and Aubrey’s) was anything to go by, but she didn’t realise she was that good. 

It hit her then like a truckload of bricks. Red liked photography too…

"She's really talented," Jesse said. 

“Yeah,” Beca agreed, her brain lagging. 

Stacie swiped to the next photo, which was a vertical shot of Beca only. 

She had her eyes closed, one hand in her hair and the other holding onto the microphone. Beca’s mouth was open, and you could tell she was really singing her heart out by the way the veins on her neck and hands were prominent. 

Chloe had managed to capture the lights perfectly, it was dark but the stage lights were shining bright and it made the photo look alive. 

"Woah,” Stacie said, "You look fucking hot."

Beca remembered the way she felt when she watched Chloe walk out of the door with Chicago, but Chloe going out of her way to do that for them, free of charge...well, it made Beca reconsider. Chloe was only hanging out with Chicago because she had introduced them.

If Chloe was Red, then she was in a similar situation as Beca, she was in the closet and expected to be a certain way which would explain why Chloe was going out with Red. But Chloe was straight, wasn’t she? 

 


 

FROM: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
TO: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
SUBJECT: Re: how do people do this?

You are incredible!! I was about a second away from exploding but your email really calmed me down. I decided that I'm not going to let these exams kill me, so tonight I am fucking off the studying and having a good night. 

Thank you so much for helping me realise that I needed a break. 

Love, Melody. 

 


 

She wanted to ask ‘Is it you, Chloe?’ but she couldn’t bring herself to write the words. Mostly because it would been really awkward for both of them if Red wasn't Chloe but also because Beca was scared of what could happen. A few emails ago Red had said she wasn't ready for things to change, what if she still felt that way? 

Another email came through within minutes and Beca rushed to read it. 

 


 

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com  
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com 
SUBJECT: Re: how do people do this?

Melody, 

I’m glad you’re giving yourself a break, you really deserve it. I hate thinking of you stressing out like that. 

I heard a song on the radio earlier and I thought of you. I won't tell you what song it was because it's really cheesy and cliche and you will laugh at me, but it made me more sure of what I'm doing here. You've made me more brave, and I feel like there's less pressure to be this person that everyone expects me to be because when I'm talking to you, even though it is just over email (how I wish it could be in person), I feel like all the weight has been taken off my shoulders and I can just be...me. And I'm comfortable with being me because being me allowed me to find and create this relationship that we have. 

I will be ready soon, I promise. 

Love, Red. 

 


 

Beca put her phone away just as Jesse walked through the door with mini cartons of chocolate milk, oreos and a bowl of fresh popcorn. She raised her eyebrows at his selection of snacks. 

“You can’t watch a movie, especially a classic like The Breakfast Club, without popcorn," He said and handed Beca the bowl of popcorn. Jesse slid into the space between Beca and Stacie just as the introduction to the movie started to play. The popcorn was passed back to Jesse and his goofy face lit up. 

Their attention zoned onto the screen, the plot of the movie consuming them, except Beca. She'd never been a movie person, but today she really didn't want to sit there and watch a movie. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Chloe was on a date with Chicago. She wondered where they were going, what they were doing and what Chloe was wearing. Would Chicago call her beautiful and compliment her outfit or just call her sexy and try and get in her pants? Were they going to kiss? Had they already kissed?

Nope. Beca couldn’t think about that right now, she needed a distraction, and clearly watching a movie was not helping. She fiddled with one of her rings on right hand, spinning it faster as her thoughts went deeper. Even that small amount of stimulation didn't do anything to distract her from her own thoughts. 

"Beca stop fidgeting, you're worse than a toddler."

“Um, guys, I need to go.” Beca jumped up from the bed and reached for her jacket on the back of the chair in the corner of stacie’s room. She had to get out of there. 

“Why? Are you okay?” Jesse paused the movie and put his carton of chocolate milk on the bedside drawers. 

Stacie sat up and pushed the half empty bowl of popcorn towards the end of her bed. 

“Uh yeah, I just remembered I had something to do before tomorrow," She couldn't think of an excuse that fast so the fewer details the better. She couldn't just sit there and watch a film whilst her mind was on the verge of exploding. 

“The Bellas thing?” Stacie quizzed, and Beca caught the way Stacie was looking at her, almost pleading her to go along with it. 

Their eyes communicated until Beca realised what Stacie was getting at. “Yeah, Aubrey needs it done by tomorrow.” Beca realised she shouldn't have brought Aubrey into it but it was too late. 

“Oh, I’ll come with,” Stacie stood up and grabbed her pink leather jacket from the back of her bedroom door. 

Jesse turned off the tv and picked up the popcorn bowl as he got up from the bed. “I guess I’m leaving then,” he said, and it was only then that Beca remembered they were at Stacie's house not Jesse's. 

“Yeah,” Stacie replied, “Sorry Jess, rain check on the movie?” 

He nodded and slipped his feet into his trainers, then grabbed his keys from Stacie's shelf. 

As the three walked down the stairs in silence, Beca was riddled with guilt. She knew she should have just told him the truth and she doesn't know why she didn't. Beca felt like the worst friend ever as she watched him walk over to his car and wave goodbye. 

“Well that was fucking awkward," Stacie said once Jesse had pulled out of the driveway. “Why did we just lie to Jesse?”

Beca kicked a stone across the road. “Well, I just couldn’t sit through another minute of that movie,” Beca said, “But you were the one that said the thing about the Bellas."

Stacie groaned which made Beca laugh. “I didn’t really want it to just be me and him,” She admitted, “It’s just weird at the minute, with him and Aubrey. They’re too loved up it’s disgusting. I mean he doesn't shut up about her and I really don't want to listen to that.”

Even though Beca didn't quite believe her, she nodded anyway. “Want to chill with Luke?” Beca asked, “I kind of don’t want to be sober right now.”

“Okay,” stacie nodded and followed Beca to where Beca's truck was parked on the side of the road.

 


 

Luke was sat on his couch when Beca and Stacie walked into his house. His parents weren't home and the door was unlocked, so they just walked straight in as they had done multiple times before. 

"Gimme five minutes to finish this game," Luke told them when Beca collapsed into the armchair and kicked her feet up on the recliner. 

Stacie grabbed a few bottles of beer from the drinks cooler and joined them in the living room. She handed Beca a beer then sat down on the sofa beside Luke. 

"Thanks," Beca popped the cap off the beer and tossed it into the wastebasket by the window. 

She sipped at the cold beer as Luke grunted as he got shot in the game. Beca really appreciated the refreshing beverage. She knew a night like that was exactly what she needed. 

"Motherfucker," Luke yelled at the TV, which made them all laugh.

Beca pulled up the spotify app on her phone and found the finished playlist. All of her other playlists were private and there was no other indication of her identity in her profile so there was no way Red would be able to tell who made it if Beca finally gained the courage to send it. She had hesitated sending it to Red earlier because she thought it would be weird, like Beca was coming on too strong and practically confessing her love to Red in the form of a personalised playlist. Basically, Beca was just overthinking like she always did. But Red had said she'd be ready soon, so maybe it was okay if Beca sent her the playlist. They both felt the same, didn't they?

 


 

FROM: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
TO: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
SUBJECT: hi

Music is literally so important to me, and I love that it's something we have in common because I am able to share that part of me with you.  

So, I made you something. 

There are a bunch of songs on there that I think you'll really like. It's kind of chaotic - but my music taste is all over the place so this will definitely reflect that. 

Love, Melody.

 


 

"Okay. Alright," Luke finally got up from the couch about twenty five minutes later, "Okay, I'm done. Let's get drunk."

They all jumped up and followed Luke into his basement. 

"Wanna play beer pong?" Beca suggested with a grin once they'd all made their own drinks. 

Stacie clapped, "Hell yeah. I'll go first."

Beca and Stacie stood at either end of the table and set up the plastic cups. 

"Loser plays Luke," Beca said, and they all agreed. 

Stacie finished filling up the cups with beer as Luke queued a bunch of songs on his phone that was connected to the huge speakers in the corner of the room. 

Beca threw the first ball, it bounced once on the table then again, and it rolled onto the floor. She cursed then picked up the ball and handed it to Stacie. 

Stacie got it in first try, much to Beca's dismay. She picked up the cup and swallowed the contents. 

"We should mix this up a bit," Luke commented, then turned to Beca, "Truth or Dare?"

The smirk on Stacie's face grew as she watched Beca groan. "Uh, dare I guess," she shrugged. 

"I'll start off light," Stacie smirked, "Take a shot."

Beca grimaced. "Of what?"

Luke reappeared with a bottle of vodka and poured some into a tiny clear shot glass. "Bottoms up," he said as he passed it over to Beca. She knocked it back and swallowed the vodka, unable to control the way her face turned sour afterward.

Beca got her next ball in. 

“I dare you to kiss Luke,” She said to Stacie and laughed at the way she raised her eyebrows and accepted the dare. 

Stacie struted over to Luke and cupped both of his cheeks in her hands, "Hi," she smiled at him before she leaned in and captured his lips with hers. It lasted for a few seconds but from what Beca could tell, there was no tongue involved. 

"Easy," Stacie laughed. 

Beca downed the dregs of her beer and added the empty bottle to the pile on the counter. She tipped some vodka into her cup before filling it up with lemonade, then walked back over to the beer pong set up. Stacie took her next go and got it in again, which made Beca huff. 

Beca drank from the plastic cup then added it to the pile of empty cups behind her. 

“Do you like someone right now?” Stacie said to Beca after she requested a truth. 

She didn't answer, because she didn't know what to say. Beca did like someone, but she couldn't tell them that because they didn't even know she liked girls. 

A squeal came from Stacie, “Oh my god you do.”

Beca gulped at her drink. “I changed my mind, I want a dare," she sputtered out.

"Noooo," Stacie whined, but she realised she wasn't going to get anything out of Beca, so she shrugged. 

Beca just took another gulp from her cup, and she had to admit she was already starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. The slight buzz throughout her body made her feel warm.  

"Fine," Stacie said, "I dare you to...do a handstand for one minute," she laughed once she'd realised what she said. It was a lame dare, but the alcohol was clouding her brain. 

Beca put her drink down on the table and walked into the empty space by the wall. She figured if she did a handstand against the wall then it still counted. "If I do a handstand for a full minute then all the blood will rush to my head and I'll pass out," Beca said, but continued to prepare herself to do the dare. Anything was better than admitting who she liked. 

Luke laughed at Beca's dramatics, "Thirty seconds then," He suggested.

She managed it for about twenty seconds before her arms collapsed and she fell onto the floor in a bundle. Stacie made her finish her drink for not being able to stay upside down for the last ten seconds. 

The game continued on like that for some time until surprisingly Beca got the ball in Stacie's last cup. 

"Fuck yeahhh!" Beca yelled and threw her hands up in the air. "You loser!" She taunted at Stacie. 

The next game started off pretty much the same as that. Luke did a backflip with his eyes closed after downing the last of his drink and Stacie took her bra off without taking her shirt off. 

Then Luke got another ball in one of Stacie's cups. 

“How many people have you kissed?” Luke asked. 

“Uh,” Stacie grinned, then shrugged, the smile remained in place. 

“Come on, Stace,” Beca laughed, more than just tipsy now. 

“Okay, okay.” Stacie reached for her phone and scrolled through it for a few seconds whilst both Beca and Luke stared. 

“Eight,” Stacie finally said, "No nine."

Beca had only ever kissed one person - Jesse - and it wasn't even a kiss she really wanted, she was just trying to prove to herself that she liked boys, which obviously did not work. 

"Well, damn," Luke said. He picked up the tiny plastic shot glass that he was meant to drink earlier, threw back the liquid then tossed the cup aside. 

"I need a cigarette," Beca said. She wasn't a smoker, but she occasionally smoked when she was really stressed or drunk, and she happened to be both of those right then. 

Luke agreed that he needed one also so they all headed out to smoke in the garden. 

As she lit her cigarette then inhaled the smoke from her first toke, she relaxed into her chair. She felt very zen, the alcohol had numbed both her body and mind. She wasn't thinking about anything in particular and everything felt a lot more light. 

She really needed a night like that. 

 


 

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Re: hi

You made an entire playlist for me? That's one of the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I will be listening to this on repeat for the foreseeable future. 

Thank you so much Melody, you are the sweetest.

Love, Red.

 


 

 

Red ❤️

you mean a lot to me, and i don't know if this playlists reflects that because it's a mess but so am i. (i will continue to add songs everyday)

Wonderwall - Oasis

Yesterday - The Beatles

1950 - King Princess

It’s Gonna Be OK - BANNERS

Roll With It - Oasis 

Under Pressure - Queen, David Bowie

Another Night On Mars - The Maine

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

This Town - Niall Horan

She Moves In Her Own Way - The Kooks

Top Of The World - Greek Fire

Breathe Into Me - Red

If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember

IDK You Yet - Alexander 23

Here's My Heart - SayWeCanFly