Sam walks down the corridor of Gallactica barely resisting the urge to punch a fist through the bulkhead. He’s just given his wife permission to “go to” another man. He could have taken a random frak, but sending her to Lee feels like suicide. Sam’s or Kara’s he isn’t sure. He thinks that Lee will forgive her, he always does, but can he keep her? That Sam isn’t so sure about. As strong as Kara is, not being kept by Lee is something that would kill her. Her being kept by Lee is something that would kill Sam. He isn’t sure that this is the better trade for his life on the run. Then, he knew the enemy. They didn’t smile in his face and share his air. He knew bombs, he knew hiding, he knew physical suffering. That made the emotional suffering so easy to hide. He had people to protect, a job to do. Let it be said that Sam was a lot of things but don’t let it be said that he wasn’t a good solider.
Dee leaves her quarters with no particular destination in mind but with the intention to breathe. The calm with which she told Lee that they were over belied the storm in her chest and stomach. She is not a naïve woman. She knew that Lee loved Starbuck. But she loved Lee and she was so tired of losing everything that mattered to her. She was alone in all the universe and she wanted to be a little less alone. At least for a little while. She knew that he loved her. Loved her as much as Starbuck. But where his love for her was a bright supernova, his love for Dee was like a star. Bright and constant. Always there. Always shining in the background of the night sky. Tonight though, tonight was too much. The visit to Cottle confirmed what she knew in her gut and tonight she had plans to share that news with Lee. Maybe if she hadn’t carried a child, she could have let him go to the bar and Starbuck and not have felt the rage that she did. Tonight though, was supposed to be for her and Lee and their growing family. Was this going to be the way that her life was from now on? Without a doubt Lee would be the best father he could be, but could Dee settle for being third place in his life? Could she live with the question of whether he wished her child’s was Starbuck’s? She didn’t think so.
Sam grabs a bottle of the Chief’s finest from the hanger deck and heads toward an out of the way catwalk he knows of. On the way up, he stops in mid climb when he hears the soft sound of sobbing. He quietly finishes the climb with the intention of backing away if need be but once he sees the woman crying, he knows that he is committed to this course of action. Making his steps heavier, so as not to startle her, he walks over to Dee and sits down. He uncorks the bottle takes a sip and passes it over. She gives a slight shake of her head and says “can’t”. He smiles and says “Break the regs a little Dee. A drink isn’t going to get you airlocked”. Again, she simply says “can’t” and moves her hand to the small swell of her belly that Sam hadn’t noticed before.
“Congrats. Does he know?”
“He was going to tonight”
“Let me guess. My wife.”
She sighs but remains quiet.
He feels the need to unburden himself so he says “I sent her to him tonight. I am so tired of this living in limbo. I need… Hell, I don’t know what I need anymore. But I am sorry for this.” He makes a vague gesture with his hand.
“I’m not naïve Sam, or blind. I know that Lee loves Starbuck. You didn’t do this. Whether you said it was ok or not, she would have found her way to him or vice versa. I don’t hate them. I pity them. They are so tied to each other with pain and regret that it’s almost impossible for them to be together.”
Sam looked at this woman, he felt a kinship too. This woman who was the other half of this tangled square that he found himself in. He realized in that moment that he had felt pity for her. Always thought that she was the passive one in the situation. He realized that perhaps she was the strongest one. She went into her marriage with her eyes wide open and the intention of grabbing a little happiness for herself. Now she would have to remake the life that she’d chosen. Remake this life for herself and her child. Sam also realized that he very much wanted to help her.
Dee hovers above the toilet empting the contents of her stomach for the third time that day. This time was a photo finish. Lee was flying CAP and she was grateful for that. Lee hovering in that awkward way of his, well, she wasn’t up to reassuring him right now.
Then there is a quiet, hesitant knock at the hatch. She shouts something like “give me a minute” and proceeds to clean herself up a little. Once she is satisfied that she at least resembles a human again, she opens the door. She is startled to see Sam there with a plate of food. “Haven’t seen you in the mess today. Thought you might be needing a meal”. Unaccustomed to a random act of kindness, Dee begins to cry. “No no no no. Don’t cry.” Right then, Sam hates Lee. Hates that this small gift reminds Dee that she isn’t getting the care that is any pregnant woman’s due. Sam steps into the room, closes the hatch and puts his arms around Dee’s small frame. No reason that everyone passing should see her moment of weakness. Grateful for this physical contact that she didn’t realize she craved, Dee gives over to hysterial sobs of anguish.
Once the sobs die down, Sam releases her and touches her cheek. Without words, Sam opens the hatch and quietly closes it behind him. Feeling emotionally and physically drained, Dee goes into the bathroom, turns on the shower and steps into the spray. An hour later, the shower is where Lee finds her curled up on the floor.