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It's always him

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 When the trade was announced he was upset of course. How could one not be when they learn they’ve been traded from a team that they had given over ten and a half years too? He had given his all to that team, had tried to help as much as possible in the rebuild. He was hurt, but he knew that if someone made a good enough offer, he was a possible bargaining chip.

Except, at the same time he couldn’t help but be relieved. He had spent the past three and half seasons dealing with them. The aptly named “Kid Line”, had been a cause of many headaches for Ales Hemsky over the past few years.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the kids. Hallsy was a great target for a prank, Ebs was good for being able to actually talk hockey plays with, and Nuge well he didn’t actually know Nuge that well. It’s just they were so in love with each other it was nauseating. Hemmer didn’t care that it was men liking other men or even three people in a relationship. No, it was the fact that all of them were in love with each other and had no fucking clue that the others were quite obviously in love with them.

Honestly, everyone on the Oilers knew it, everyone in the Oilers front office knew, heck three-fourths of the league knew it. Yet somehow those children had no clue. It was annoying at best and well let’s just say if he didn’t always get the room with the same wall as Hallsy & Ebs, he’d lock them in a closet till they got their crap together.

The amount of pining those boys did towards each other was enough to make any person sick. Hallsy thought Ebs & Nuge were straight, Ebs thought Hallsy & Nuge were straight, and Nuge though Ebs & Hallsy were together and didn’t think they’d want him. Honestly, how many times does one have to make that awkward accidental eye contact from staring before one of those idiots caught on?

So yes, getting out of Edmonton was a slight blessing. Fer should count himself lucky that the last thing Hemmer did was actually lock the idiots in a closet together… Apparently they finally figured it out by the time that Schultzy found them.

The Senators were a nice change. The play style was a bit different and the team was pretty good, much better than the Oilers had been in years. Being on a line with fellow veteran Jason Spezza was a relief and honestly Hemmer couldn’t be happier. They didn’t make the playoffs, but by that point in his life Hemmer was used to his season ending before May had even begun.

Things began to become a little tenser as he started discussing his contact. He didn’t love the Senators; the play was just different in the Eastern Conference. He knew there was a good chance Spezza was going to be traded this summer, so the only person he really had connected with on the team would be gone. So when Dallas offered him a three year $12 million dollar contract, he couldn’t say no.

It would be nice being back in the Western Conference, on a time zone he had gotten to know and understand. Even more, was that he wouldn’t have to deal with winter except during away games. Getting to be in a nice warm state majority of the year would be nice. Plus he knew Julie would be happy to not have to deal with the harsh winters that they had begun to grow used to in Canada.

So on July 1st he officially became a Dallas Star, and later that day he received the news that Spezza was going to join him as a Star. Things were beginning to look up for the NHL veteran. He was on a fairly young team; he’d have Spezza & Horc on his team, and a coach that wasn’t a complete moron.

What he didn’t realize was that if he thought the pining between the Kid Line was bad, it was nothing to that of Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin. He might have signed with a different team altogether if he would have known that he would have to deal with those two idiots.

Playing against them, he would have never known that there was that much sexual tension between the two of them. Sure he had noticed them clicking on the ice the past year, you’d have to not be paying attention at all to the NHL not to know that. However, he had no clue just how close they were off the ice.

By the time he arrived to Dallas Jamie and Tyler had already bought and moved into their new houses, which were literally blocks apart. After living in the same apartment complex for a year, one would figure they’d want to live a little bit away from each other instead of literally less than five miles. When he first met them as a teammate he incorrectly made the assumption that they were together. Horc quickly shot that down and told him to be prepared. If anyone could have dealt with the Edmonton Kid Line without getting annoyed it was Horc, so for him to be annoyed by these two said a lot.

Whenever he’d want to talk to the Stars captain he would find Tyler right along with him. When the guys would go out for drinks or dinner, Seguin would be in the seat next to Jamie. They were never apart, and if you hadn’t been told that they weren’t actually dating, you’d have assumed it like Hemmer did.

The worst was the mooning eyes. Jamie’s doe eyes would find Tyler as soon as he entered a room, any time they were apart. He would stare until he was caught and then bashfully look away, his pale white cheeks would flush a dark pink. Seguin was no better, he would blatantly stare and when Jamie caught him he’d give a small side smirk and a wink before turning to talk to whoever was next to him. Unfortunately for him, it was almost always Hemmer.

Hemmer had thought that the Kid Line was oblivious; he had absolutely no clue then. Even Jamie’s own brother Jordie could see the sexual tension and was annoyed with it. Jordie loved telling stories about the two, like how Jamie would cook Tyler dinner once a week. The one time Tyler tried to do it he almost burnt down the kitchen. Not to mention Jamie bought Seguin a dog. Everyone on the team knew that Seguin adored his dog Marshall. That was his baby and he spoiled that dog like no other. To give Seguin another dog to spoil was like giving him a five-hundred thousand dollar diamond ring. Yet, Seguin was completely oblivious.

Then there was Seguin who would bring Jamie his favorite Starbucks order to every plane ride for away games. He would stop drinking when Jamie stopped, which was normally a drink of two. For anyone who knew Seguin, especially before Seguin’s own trade, they’d know he was a binge drinker. Most importantly though Seguin would drag Jamie to try new things, even though they made Jamie nervous, only so he could get the bashful smile and the “thanks Ty that was a lot of fun, I’m glad you convinced me to try it” out of Jamie.

No, Hemmer couldn’t take much more. Honestly if they didn’t get together soon he would lock them in a closet like every stupid stereotypical teen romance novel. He was sure as hell not being paid enough to deal with these stupid lovesick children. Of course, this thing always happens to him.