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Deprivation of Sanity

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Tony has never felt so many various emotions all at once. Fury. Physical Pain. Fear. Emotional Pain. Despair. 

Groaning, he opens his eyes, looking right at the ceiling of his kitchen. The left side of his face is burning like hell, but it’s nothing compared to the blinding agony he feels ‘down there’. It's a pain unlike anything Tony has ever felt before - and he had gotten all different kinds of injuries in the last four decades, including burns he received from his father, who liked to use Tony’s skin as an ashtray for his cigarettes whenever he was in a really bad mood. 

Adding to the physical distress are all these conflicting feelings which are tormenting him. Feelings regarding Peter. His perfect, broken boy, who, as it turns out, was neither perfect, nor broken. At least not broken enough.

After all, Peter still had enough willpower and strength in him to turn on Tony and plan a daring escape. He fooled Tony, beating him at his own game, with his own tech. And now, the boy is either as good as dead or on his way to safety, in which case Tony and his friends would need to get off this fucking island as fast as they can.

The man has no idea how much time has passed since Peter has scorched his crotch, but since he can still make out all his furniture without the lights on, it can’t be that late yet. Did Peter manage to start the engine of the boat? Is he… really gone? God, he already misses him. 

Struggling against his bonds, Tony tries to move, but he’s forced to give up right away. It hurts too fucking much. Feeling desperate, Tony tries to yell, but the tape is sealing his mouth shut, forcing him to lay there and wait, fighting to stay conscious. 

Rhodey will know something happened if Tony doesn’t show up at 8:00 pm... won’t he? However, even if he finds him, it might be too late...

Although Tony wants to beat the fucking kid to a bloody pulp right now, the thought of Peter flipping over and dying a lonely death at sea, lost for all eternity, is unbearable. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Tony thinks back to the last conversation they might have ever had. It hurt so much to hear all the pain, disgust, and hatred in Peter’s voice. but what hurt even more was realizing that the boy had been playing him. 

During the last couple of weeks, Peter acted as if he liked Tony as well. And Tony - idiot in love that he is was - fell for it. When did it all go wrong? Peter had been so broken and tame until-

The wedding. Of course. Peter asked Tony to let him join them on the boat trip, and then he initiated sex at the bonfire. And right after Tony told him about Wakanda, Peter claimed that he felt good around him and that he liked it when Tony called him names.

So this is why Peter eagerly offered to tidy the whole house. He was trying to find every single camera and surely deactivated one of them on purpose so he could find out what would happen. That’s why Peter knew JARVIS would be sounding the alarm if the power was on.

The little shit had been planning it for weeks, taking Tony for a complete fool... 

Oh, he’s going to kill that son of a bitch.

Driven by a raging desire for vengeance, Tony somehow gains enough strength to roll onto his stomach, only to almost pass out at the excruciating pain radiating from his crotch. Maybe it’s good that it hurts… If it hurts, not all nerves are burned off. And yet, what if the burns are so severe that Tony can never get another erection or orgasm again?

A very tiny, honest part inside of Tony can’t help thinking that this punishment is the least he deserves for the way he treated Peter, but he immediately scolds himself for it. He must not have thoughts like these. Being nice and somewhat "decent" is what got him into this situation in the first place. As well as the pathetic wish to find true love after all, it seems. 

It’s gotten a bit darker when Tony thinks he hears footsteps outside. Praying it’s not SHIELD, Tony screams into the gag as loudly as he can, hoping it will be heard despite the TV running, and a few seconds later, the door swings open. “Tony?”

“Mmmpf,” the man shouts, wincing when the light gets turned on.

“Holy shit!” Rhodey dashes forward, his eyes flickering from Tony’s injured face to his bare buttocks. Right. Maybe it would have been better to get shot in the head after all and spare himself the embarrassment of getting found like this. At least it’s only Rhodey…  

“What- what happened?” Rhodey painfully rips the tape off Tony’s mouth.

“The kid bolted,” he hisses, “He… forced me to tell him the code to the safe. I think he took the boat.”

“Shit, so Loki was right,” Rhodey gunts, struggling to get the tape off Tony’s wrists.

“Loki? D-Did he see him?”

“No, but he heard one of the boats driving off. Since visibility is bad, he tried calling you a bunch of times to ask about it, but you didn’t pick up. When he sent a message to the group chat, I thought I’d check on you, just in case...”

“When was that?”

“Like, twenty minutes ago?” Rhodey finally manages to rip the tape off. As soon as Tony has rolled around, he flinches. “J-Jesus Christ, what- w-what happened to your- oh my god.”

Feeling even worse now, Tony points at the iron still plugged into the wall. “The little shit tortured me. Tell the others, we need to go after him. He can’t have gotten far if it’s only been twenty minutes. I don’t know if he’s taken my phone, but- nevermind, it’s lying over there. Thanks to the tracker, I’ll find out where he is in no time.”

As Tony struggles to get up, Rhodey runs to get the phone. With shaking fingers, Tony deletes the push notifications of Peter moving outside of his allowed radius and opens the tracking app, pupils dilating in shock when he sees Peter’s dot moving down on S.C. Bottle Highway on Abaco island. How the fuck did he know where to go? Even earlier - when it was brighter outside - the visibility was so bad the island couldn’t be seen from here. 

“He’s… he’s a mile south of Coopers Town.”

“No way,” Rhodey groans, leaning forward. “Holy shit, Tony. W-We’re fucked.”

For a second, Tony considers sending the drone after Peter, but not only is it raining too much for it, it’s not even working properly. Also… it’s not in the living room where he left it. Shit.

“Tell the others. Execute plan B. We need to leave as quickly as possible. Only take what’s necessary.”

“W-What about the money? Tony, we still have around 400 million in cash lying around. That equals four tons, which will take us a while to-”

“Leave it.”

“L-Leave it? We did all of this to-“

“We have no other choice. The seaplane can be loaded with a maximum of 4,800 pounds. We are thirteen people, which leaves around 2,000 and 2,600 for our luggage. Everyone can take 10 million, maximum. I don’t want to leave it either, but even without it we still have more money transferred to our bank accounts than we can ever spend.”

Stumbling over to the safe, Tony discovers another problem. “Please tell me I gave you the spare key for the plane.”

“Um… y-yeah, I think so. I mean… I gotta look. Why?”

“I will kill that little bitch.”

Huffing, Rhodey walks out the door. “That’s what you should have done in the first place.”

Yes. He should have. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Now, the only thing that matters is that they get off this fucking island before Peter manages to alert the authorities. Good thing he's moving away from the small community… if they're lucky, he won't stumble upon someone for the next couple of hours and get lost. 

Even though he can barely move, Tony somehow makes it to the bathroom. Whimpering, he glances at the mirror, taking in his reflection. His face looks horrible. It’s badly burned and there are welts on his red, blistering skin. However, it’s nothing compared to his cock and balls…

Feeling the sudden urge to throw up, Tony drops down in front of the toilet. When he’s finally done retching, he’s shaking all over, his head heavy and dizzy. He needs to get his shit together… Peter's going to pay dearly for this, but now is not the time to be weak or wallow in self-pity. 

After exchanging his tight shorts and boxers for wide swim trunks, Tony limps through the house to pack a few clothes, some food and his most valuable possessions like his phone, laptop, notebooks, the remaining arc reactors and the server that JARVIS runs on. He also takes all of his personal belongings that he holds dear, like his watches, Peter’s self-made cookbook, old documents and some photographs. 

Last but not least, he drags two of the bags that should each contain around four million to the door.

To his greatest relief, Steve, Bucky and Rhodey come over to carry Tony’s suitcases, the bags and his backpack to the seaplane for him. It shows what great friends they are because neither of them yells at him. Not yet, at least.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks when Tony stays behind, looking extremely concerned. And pissed.

“Yeah, g-go ahead, I just… need some painkillers and ice for my- um, j-just go.”

After swallowing two pills, Tony takes a few ice cubes from the freezer and wraps them with a towel. Then, he makes his way back to the door, and as he’s passing the living room table, his eyes fall on the small puzzle Peter and him started assembling only a few days ago. 

The harsh reality that they will never finish it, hits him like a freight train.

Without warning, Tony is overcome with an emotion so penetrating he forgets how to breathe. Thoroughly devastated, he pushes the whole table over, screaming with rage. Before he knows it, tears stream down his cheeks and he sinks to the floor, crying. 

Why the fuck did he let his guard down and allow himself to fall in love with Peter? Somehow, that fucking child managed to rekindle the fire that had ultimately extinguished with his mother's death, melting the block of ice protecting his heart from any further pain. Why couldn’t Tony just… stay strong and resist the temptation of finding someone as pure as Peter to truly like him despite his tremendous flaws?

Maybe he shouldn’t have been so cruel all the time. Although it was necessary to lay down rules and punish Peter for disobedience in order to break him, Tony knows that a lot of the things he did to him - especially at the bank - were way over to top. He tortured Peter for fun and because he got off of it. He raped him in front of his friends to humiliate and mentally scar him for all eternity.

And even after he realized that the feelings he had for Peter were much more sincere than he had thought, he rarely ever missed a chance to hurt him. Instead, he tried to fight those feelings with all his might, constantly punishing Peter for it, even though it wasn’t his fault. If Tony had told him about his true feelings earlier and started treating him decently, then maybe they would have had a chance to be happy...

Tony doesn't know how long he sat there wallowing in self-hatred, but he doesn’t move until he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Tony… We have to go.” It’s Rhodey, his voice soft, yet determined.

“I- I’m so sorry… I didn’t think he’d-- I fucking l-loved him,” Tony chokes out before he can stop himself. He doesn’t know why he said it, but for the first time in his life, he feels the need to talk about his pain and explain why Peter managed to fool and escape him. 

“I know… But he’s gone, Tony. There’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Come on. Please.”

Tony can’t even find it in himself to get mad. Reluctantly, he allows Rodey to help him up and drag him out of the house. It’s stopped raining but gotten dark. His friends are already seated inside of the seaplane, so Tony quickly dries his eyes. He can live with Rhodey knowing (why the fuck did he say he already knew?!), but he can’t tell any of the others.

Most of the Avengers glare at him when Tony climbs into the plane, panting. With a pained hiss, he drops into one of the still empty seats, feeling like he might pass out again. As soon as they’re away far enough, he’s gonna ask Stephen to take a look at his crotch. But first-

Groaning, Tony rummages around the backpack for his phone. 

“You sure we shouldn’t burn it all to the ground?” Bruce asks.

“There’s no time for that,” Tony mumbles. “Also, they will only see it from the coast, meaning they’ll get here even faster. If we’re lucky, Pe- the boy gets run over by a car in the darkness or gets lost and starves. Then we might be able to return one day and get the rest of the money… Are you sure you destroyed or packed everything that could tell the authorities anything they aren’t supposed to know?”

Twelve yeses sound through the plane.

“No forgotten passports, documents, electronic devices, photographs?”

“No.”

Well. Let’s hope so. “Good. Then get us the hell away from here, Rhodey.”

“Where to?”

“Plan B. That equals Buck Island.”

“That’s… pretty far, though. With our current weight and fuel, we will barely make it and-”

“We have no other choice. It’s the only island that can’t be traced back to either of us. Make sure to turn off the transmitters as soon as you’ve set the course.”

“So, Wakanda’s off the table?” Nat asks from behind Tony, her voice shaking.

“No. In the long run, it’s our only chance, but we have to lay low for a while and figure out how to get there. Don’t forget departing airports check passports and passengers even when you leave with a private plane.”

“If Peter tells them about T’Challa, then-”

“Wakanda needs to close borders and reveal they’ve been building atomic bombs, yes. However, it’s not that big of a deal, honestly. Just think about North Korea.”

“This is all your fucking fault,” Nat hisses, clearly on the verge of tears.

Furious, Tony turns around to look at her. “May I remind you that you were the one who’s always wanted me to be nice to him? Well, this is what you get for being nice. If you’d just let me do my thing, he would have never-”

“If you hadn’t taken him in the first place, none of this would have even happened, though,” Clint butts in, taking Nat’s side as expected. What a fucking hypocrite. He’s been thirsting over Peter since he saw Tony jerking him off at the bank.

Snorting, Tony decides to ignore them for now. When Rhodey steers the plane away from the island, Tony finally manages to find his phone in the depths of his backpack. Since he had to shut JARVIS down, Tony accesses the tracker over a different app, his heart beating as it starts up.

A shiver runs down Tony’s spine when he’s unable to establish a connection. This has never happened before… His internet is working, and since he doubts the tech is failing, there’s only one reasonable explanation: Somehow, Peter - or someone else - managed to deactivate the tracker, because it would still show his location even if he died. 

Fortunately, Rhodey accelerates just moments later and takes off, flying them away from Bonefish Cay.

Against better judgment, Tony opens his camera roll, scrolling through the few dozens of pics he’s taken of Peter during the last couple of months- 

Peter sleeping, looking like an angel - Peter’s face, covered in cum - Peter sitting cross-legged on the sofa, holding the Nintendo controller - Peter trying to do a handstand in the kitchen - Peter in a bathtub filled with bath bubbles - Peter sucking his bottom lip in, seconds away from an orgasm - Peter holding a cigarette, trying to exhale the smoke in form of a ring - Peter covered in vegetable ick, having forgotten to close the lid of the mixer - Peter smiling coyly, his face just inches from Tony’s as the man tries to take a selfie of them and the finished five-thousand-pieces puzzle.

Each photo feels like a stab to his heart, and when Tony’s eyes start burning yet again, he knows he won’t be able to let it go. No matter how vengeful - and remorseful - Tony feels right now, Peter and him are meant to be together. Peter was made for Tony. They were made for each other.  

Peter is The One. Tony's Significant Other. The light in his life that Tony never knew he wanted (or needed), but now that he does, he can’t imagine having to live without it. If When they are back together, Tony will make sure that Peter won’t ever be able want to leave him again.

But first, he needs to find a way to get him back. And one day, he will.

Cost be damned.