It was never enough. Every time he did something, another thing would go wrong. When he closed his eyes he saw all the different possibilities that he could have taken.
If he had talked a little more with Rantaro and interacted more with him, the boy would have been at the library. Rantaro would have never been killed.
If he had never told Kaede about the moving bookcase, she would have never been an accomplice in his plan. She would have never killed Rantaro.
If he had seen earlier how depressed Ryoma was, Shuichi would have set down and talked about it. Maybe if he had agreed to view all the videos together, he would have assured Ryoma he was cared about. Ryoma would have never been killed.
If he had told Kirumi how important she was to all of them maybe she would have never started her plan. If he had helped her more, she would know they all loved her. She would have never killed Ryoma.
If he helped Angie with her ritual she would have never gone to the room to get a candle. Had Shuichi joined her council, he would have helped her. He would have been the one to get a candle for her. Angei would have never been killed.
If he had seen just how much pain Tenko was, he would seeked a way to help her. Had he seen that she loved Himiko so much, she would have died for her, Shuichi would have volunteered instead. Tenko would have never been killed.
If he knew Korekiyo more, the two of them could have talked. Shuichi just filed him away like a case in his mind. Assumed Korekiyo was just a little weird. Had he known how much Korekiyo was unknowingly hurting, he would have told him that this wasn’t right. Korekiyo would have never killed Angie and Tenko.
If he registered how desperately Miu wanted to get out, he would assured her there would be another way. Had Shuichi seen her plan before, he would have told her that there would always be another possibility. Miu would have never killed.
If he knew that Gonta was being manipulated by Kokichi he would have stepped in. Gonta was only trying to save verone and Shuichi ignored it. Had he talked more with Gonta it would have come to this. Gonta would have never killed Miu.
If he had seen the truth earlier, he would have helped Kaito. Had Shuichi just realized that his friend was dying, he would have done everything to help him. Kaito didn’t have to agree to something that would put him in so much pain. Kait would have nver assisted Kokichi’s suicide.
If he had realized how much Kokichi was helping, he would have helped him in response. The boy was doing everything by himself. Shuichi realized that Kokichi was probably the smartest out of all of them. Kokichi was hurting so much, because he despised the game. Shuichi should have seen that Kokichi was lying again. Shuichi could have done so much to help Kokichi and yet he did nothing. If he interacted with him more this wouldn’t have to happen. Kokichi would have never staged his own suicide.
The fifth trail was just over. They fought a trial thinking Kaito was the victim. They tried to prove that Kokichi was the killer he had told them he was. That he liked the killing game.
But that’s Kokichi’s lie, isn’t it?
All of this was hurting him so much and yet he kept lying and lying about it. Shuichi regretted never really talking with him. He had grown tired of the mask Kokichi wore, never realizing that the person beneath it was so different. That he loved the person beneath it.
Everything Shuichi did, just came back to bite him in the ass. No matter how much he tried, how many things he did to stop the killing game it failed. His perfect world had broken apart so much, not even dust was left behind.
No matter how much he tried to be perfect for the others, it failed. Like everything he did so far. Everything just a big, giant fail.
And he was tired of it. He knew he couldn’t even kill himself. The others depended on him. If he ended his life right, nothing would be better. He had thought about, since the first trail. But he knew he was needed.
No, not him. The detective was needed. Shuichi Saihara was just the unfortunate person that came with it. And he was tired. Tired. So tired. Shuichi Saihara wanted to die.
He closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep.
And Shuichi Saihara didn’t care about the others right now. They would need to figure it out themself.
In the empty bottle on his nightstand, the reflection of the Ultimate Detective could be seen. The picture Himiko would see the next morning, when she would look after him. The same tiredness, she survived on his face.
The Ultimate Detective died after he figured he could never solve this.
Shuichi Saihara died long before that.