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no i'm not a monsterf*cker @nbnessie

so, paranormal enthusiasts, there’s a new cryptid i’ve spotted in the keystone area! form appears humanoid and teenage, with pink jacket, dark hair, and occasionally pink skin. anyone else spotted them?

[A fuzzy, low quality video of a humanoid with dark hair and a pink jacket. Their skin, normally tan, is overtaken by a glowing pink flush for a few seconds. End video.]

> <3 @ririw 

i first read this and thought ‘that just sounds like a normal human why are you reporting this’ and then i saw “occasionally pink skin”

> cbf stan @cryingcroissant

think ive met something like this! this was in dakota tho. their car got stuck between a tree and then they just. lifted the car? super easily too this was so wack they just looked like a normal-ass human and then they lifted a car

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lesbiankoalaprincess

hi um so i work at this rly small diner in granite. most of my customers are p normal, nothing to write home about, or, you know, write a whole bumblr post about. but today this kid came in and he has to be… sixteen? max? and this was at eleven pm on a tuesday, so, i immediately asked why he wasn’t at school, bc slackers come here during school hrs and ive got a protocol down and he goes “i dont go to school.” and so, naturally, i ask if he’s homeschooled. and guess what this kid says? this babyfaced 16yo? “i’m not homeschooled. one of my moms tried once, but that kinda led to a big intergalactic space war that took a huge toll on my mental health, so, uh…” and then i gave the kid some veg hashbrowns bc that’s what he ordered. was he kidding? was he telling the truth? he sounded so serious when he said it im worried

dweebdiary

hi katy i think u met an alien

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r/ RadicalLegalAdvice

u/sqcpdduniverse

Acquiring Legal Documents

Hi, my girlfriend recommended this subreedit to me since I was not having much luck with r/legaladvice. I’m 17, my birth wasn’t recorded with any hospitals, and I do not have a birth certificate, social security number or any other paperwork filed with my birth state of Delmarva or the federal government, and, consequently, no driver’s license. I’m currently on a cross-country road trip alone, and I’m worried about what happens if I’m pulled over and they know I don’t have a driver's license. Is there any way to file the necessary paperwork for a driver's license now?  All of my friends and relatives are suggesting forgery, but I don’t particularly want to break the law. What do I do?

 

MrMystery

Forgery. Do forgery.

 

-Read More Comments-

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Steven Universe ⭐️

@sqcpdduniverse

17 - He/Him - Pansexual - Former manager of @littlehomeschool - Dating the wonderful, amazing, badass @connie_m

25 following 2 followers

 

Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

Hi, @nbnessie , can you please take down your video of me? I’m fairly sure that taking videos of people without their consent is against the law. 

> Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

Also, I am not a “cryptid”. Whatever that means.

>> sword bisexual ⚔️ @connie_m

biscuit, u kind of are

> no i'm not a monsterf*cker @nbnessie

hi, steven, im sorry! i’ll take it down. which post is it on?

>> Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

It’s this one: htttps://www.cheeper.com/nbnessie/so-paranormal-enthusiasts-theres-a-new

>>> no i'm not a monsterf*cker @nbnessie

ok! ill do it immediately! thank you for letting me know!

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nbnessie

[Screenshots of the Cheeper thread between Steven and nbnessie.]

hi what the fuck just happened

(btw this is the cheep he’s referring to)

lesbiankoalaprincess 

why does this remind me of the “im not homeschooled” kid

#im legit freaking out #is it the same guy? are there more weird aliens? are they multiplying #aliens #paranormal

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Little Homeschool 💎 @littlehomeschool

Happy roads, @sqcpdduniverse ! We all hope you have fun wherever you go next! - K (Kornerupine)

> sword bisexual ⚔️ @connie_m

k, it’s “happy trails”, not “happy roads”

> Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

Thanks, K! 

> PIERRCY IS GOOD YOU COWARDS @PERIDOT5XG

aaaaaaaaaa steven we miss you so much 

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gaymerthyst

that face you make when you learn humans apparently use you as jewelry. you know. The Face. the face of disappointment and disgust in the human race

keepbeachcityweird

THERE ARE GEMS ON FUMBLR??!?!?

#WHAT #WHO KNEW #WHO TAUGHT THEM #CONNIE IT WAS PROBABLY CONNIE

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Steven Universe ⭐️

@sqcpdduniverse

17 - He/Him - Pansexual - Former manager of @littlehomeschool - Dating the wonderful, amazing, badass @connie_m

25 following 32K followers




Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

So… I blew up on Cheeper.

> sword bisexual ⚔️ @connie_m

use your newfound fame for evil

>> Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

Okay.




Steven Universe ⭐️ @sqcpdduniverse

My girlfriend told me to use my fame for evil, so… be gay do crimes.

> Terrifying Renegade @Pearl

To be honest, “be gay do crimes” was a solid half of the Crystal Gem philosophy.

> cbf stan @cryingcroissant

this is the exact opposite of evil

> glitter is good @thepowerofmabel

sir i would die for u