When she finds out it’s like the entire world has collapsed in on itself or maybe everything has stopped? Paused, maybe. She isn’t really sure. It’s like life has ceased being real. Like she’s entered some sort of alternative reality because it just couldn’t be possible.
Triss is crying and Yennefer notices for the first time that she wrinkles her nose when she cries and for some reason it annoys her. It’s hard to make out what she’s saying at first but soon Sabrina is supporting her wife. She’s telling Yennefer.
Telling Yennefer that Tissaia has died.
Telling her that she has taken her own life.
Tissaia De Vries slit her wrists after what they had chosen to do. After Yennefer had decided to follow Phillipa. Decided to support her in her madness. She doesn’t know how Sabrina can stand to be around Triss, when Phillipa so easily seduced her into her bed.
Sabrina had been away at the time doing recon that Phil had asked her to do. They both realised when she came back that she’d sent Sabrina away so that she could seduce her wife. She wonders if Tissaia’s death will bring the couple back together, if Sabrina will let Triss repent for straying.
She isn’t sure.
She’s not really sure why she’s contemplating her friend’s relationship when she’s just been told that Tissaia is dead. She doesn’t think she can move though. Sabrina is still talking to her and she looks scared by her reaction to this news. She’s not really sure how they wanted her to act.
Scream and cry maybe?
That’s not Yennefer’s way. Never really has been. She gets angry, she breaks things, she breaks people and she plots her revenge for years.
She’d always meant to go back to Aretuza. Always meant to go back to Tissaia. She promised herself that she would travel a bit longer, collect trinkets and items and stories to tell the Rectoress so she could prove her worth. Prove that Yennefer could be someone who Tissaia could love.
That she wouldn’t always be broken and bruised.
It was always just another day with Yennefer. Then she’d chosen to follow Phil on this path and there was no going back. Tissaia had looked so betrayed and she had wanted to explain to her, wanted to explain how she had got it all wrong, that they were doing this help Tissaia.
To change the world for the better.
They’d arranged the coup and completed it with little ease. They had been celebrating and she’d been helping Sabrina nurse her broken heart. Always promising one more day. One more day with Sabrina, one more day to help her and then she would return to Tissaia.
She would swagger into Aretuza with all her cockiness, with her self-assured smirk and pull the Rectoress into her arms and kiss her. She would explain away all the bad blood and all the wrong choices she had made on her path back home, home to Tissaia.
She just needed that one more day.
One more fucking day.
But that wasn’t going to happen. She had fooled herself that one more day, one more moment away from Aretuza was about being able to convice Tissaia she was worth it. In reality Yennefer knew the truth.
She was a coward.
A coward who had been running from the woman who loved her, who had been running from her own feelings. She had run so fast she had let herself be sucked into someone else’s plan. Someone else’s pain.
Now Tissaia was gone.
By her own hand.
Tissaia died alone, bleeding out on a chair that Yennefer had seen her sit in many a time. A chair Yennefer dreamed she would watch Tissaia sit in and read from a bed they would share together. Just one more day. One more day to make things right.
She’d waited too long. Run for too long. She could feel it bubbling. The rage. She watched as Triss clung to Sabrina, as Sabrina looked everywhere but the woman, hurt still evident in her eyes with the loss of their former mentor.
She clenched her hands and was ready to scream, ready to set the world ablaze but it didn’t come.
Yennefer was too much of a coward for that.
Had been too much of a coward for Tissaia.
If only she hadn’t needed one more day. Maybe she’d have been alive and even if she hadn’t of loved Yennefer, the way Yennefer had wanted her too, it would have been enough.
If only she had one more day, one more day with the woman. With Tissaia.
With her love.