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Relationship Troubles

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Jackson doesn’t know how it all ended up like this. 

All he can remember is he had been on his way to give Jaebeom a piece of his mind, a heated and strongly worded piece of his mind about the twenty ways he isn’t worth the dirt under Jinyoung’s shoes, much less the mental breakdown his best friend had suffered after seeing Jaebeom exchange tongues with one of the many harlots following his stupid face last night.

Jackson doesn’t get it. He’s told exactly this to Jinyoung. That, okay, maybe Jaebeom’s voice can make anyone heady, that his low timbre can make shivers run up spines and his high tones can send tingles down toes. That, yes, maybe the way he moves his limbs, all smooth and groovy and perfectly punctuates the rhythm of whatever number is playing can enthrall people, make them all hot and bothered. Jackson doesn’t deny that. He can see why people would be attracted to the dude, but in all honesty, Jackson doesn’t find him that hot. 

There are other singing-dancing entities that are loads hotter than Jaebeom. Like, for example, Rain. Or any member of 2PM.

He’s said this to Jinyoung after one of his best friend’s monologues about how just much of a god Jaebeom is. And Jackson prides himself in being the most supportive best friend in the universe so he really didn’t mind the endless love, and lust, confessions to their campus’ music department’s ace at first. Jinyoung has been pining for years. Jackson’s heart can’t bear to leave his best friend alone in his endless wallowings. But when Jinyoung won’t stop for the nth time about how fantastic Jaebeom must be in bed, with the way he rolls his hips and oh god, Jackson, his thighs! Have you seen his thighs? He can choke me anytime with his thighs – Jackson started getting annoyed. And last night, when Jinyoung, in the middle of one of his passionate litanies again, insulted his favorite idol group in favor of Lim Jaebeom, Jackson had had enough. 

Jaebeom will never be sexier than Ok Taecyon. Impossible. 

Besides, he really doesn’t get why Jinyoung – his beautiful, sexy, intelligent, fantasy of all creatures with a working brain best friend – is so hung up over the dude. 

He’s interacted with Jaebeom before, just the two of them, albeit secretly, so he knows the guy. Knows him in ways that are unconventional and better left unsaid. He can’t really disclose the details of what went down between them to Jinyoung because it’s something he isn’t proud of. And it had been their first meeting too, he recalls guiltily. 

It all happened too quick, too fast, and before he was able to gather his wits about him, it had been done. No take backs. It was so surreal, something beyond his imaginations, and it scared him. Scared him because it could lead to something else. Jackson knows how things go, how one thing leads to another and then to another-another, and before anyone can actually say something that makes sense – it would all have been too late. Jackson had fervently wished he could turn back time and prevent it. But time couldn’t be brought back and mistakes couldn’t be unmade. 

And that was it – a mistake, an unfortunate slip up. 

So what he did, to prevent things from escalating further and keep his loyalties true and intact, was keep it a secret and pretend nothing ever happened. All for the sake of his wonderful best friend.

But the point still stands, that being he doesn’t get it.

He doesn’t understand why Jinyoung is so in love with Jaebeom, and doesn’t have a clue how it all ended up like this again, like how it had been two months ago, with him pinned against a dirty restroom wall and Jaebeom in front of him, face too close for comfort and with a knee in between his legs.

Jackson wants to scream, and he does just that – shrieks like he’s been kicked in the nuts which, and it can’t be stressed any further, is far from what is happening right now. Because his nuts aren’t being abused. Quite the contrary actually. They’re being taken care of, literally, with Jaebeom sticking a hand down between them and inside his pants. 

Jackson shrieks again when Jaebeom leans closer, about to press a kiss on his lips.

“You know, it isn’t really my thing. The screaming. It doesn’t turn me on. Hurts actually but—,” Jaebeom shakes his head, a fond smile emerging across his lips, eyes all soft despite the situation, the harshness he blankets over Jackson, “But I forgive you. Just don’t do it again. I need my hearing, Jackson.”

Jackson squirms, tries to get out of Jaebeom’s hold but the grip around his wrists are firm. Sure, he has more muscles and weight on Jaebeom, thanks to fencing and routine gym visits, so he’s really not as helpless as the proverbial damsel in distress, but he had never been one for violence, always an advocate of peace and democratic solutions, and the look Jaebeom is giving him lets him know that Jaebeom is aware of what he’s planning and has a counterattack that isn’t all calm and peaceful. 

The grip on his wrists tighten, maybe as a warning, maybe just because Jaebeom simply can. It’s happened like this before too and Jackson is starting to get the idea that Jaebeom likes it a little bit rough. But, yeah, not peaceful at all. Nothing is peaceful about what’s happening.

So he just resorts to more screaming. “You’re crazy! Get off me, Jaebeom!”

Something like a spark of sanity flashes in Jaebeom’s eyes. He blinks at Jackson, stares at him long and hard – which makes Jackson extra uncomfortable – and blinks some more. Then he actually eases off Jackson, freeing Jackson’s wrists and removing his hand from inside Jackson’s pants.

This, to all intents and purposes, surprises Jackson – how easy it is for Jaebeom to yield and let go, and he hates himself for missing Jaebeom’s hands instantly. But no one needs to know about that. Not Jaebeom, not the janitor due for scheduled cleaning in the next fifteen minutes.

“You’re a jerk,” he says and hopes that Jaebeom doesn’t hear the disappointment in his tone. Jackson convinces himself that the disappointment is more about Jaebeom’s display of bad behavior, and less about the lack of it as follow through. 

He shakes his head to refocus. He has Jinyoung to think about.

Jaebeom looks at him like he’s a puzzle he can’t solve. “Why am I a jerk?”

Jackson also hates the expression Jaebeom is wearing because a grown man shouldn’t pout like that, and the downcast eyes like he’s actually offended shouldn’t look so adorable. Not on Jaebeom, anyways. Jackson hates Jaebeom’s face, he concludes.

“Because!” Jackson grasps for words. “Because you know Jinyoung likes you and you keep messing around and you include me in your evil plans!”

“There are no evil plans, Jackson. I know Jinyoung likes me but I don’t return his feelings and I think I’ve made that clear with him. Since the beginning, actually.”

Jackson’s blood boils at the statement. Jaebeom is in no place to reject his best friend so easily!

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

Jackson eyes Jaebeom like how a mother would to her dumb son, folding arms across his chest, one eyebrow raised. “Why won’t you like Jinyoung back? He’s amazing! More so than you can ever hope to be and let's be honest, you really don’t have the rights to not like him. He’s in a whole different league. You should feel lucky.”

Now Jaebeom isn’t looking at him like he’s an unsolvable puzzle. 

Jaebeom is looking at him like he is a wet sock. Jackson takes offense.

“Stop looking at me like that!”

“I’m looking at you like this because you don’t make sense, Jackson.” Jaebeom makes a funny face and Jackson despises that even with such silly expressions, Jaebeom still manages to look human. A beautiful human, but no one needs to know that too. It’s not the point, has never been the point. “I can’t just like Jinyoung because you say so.”

“And I am asking why!” Jackson proceeds to make big hand gestures to show his frustration.

Jaebeom takes a step forward and alarm bells ring in Jackson’s head for the second time within the hour. And just as he is about to make a dash to the door for exit, Jaebeom has him pinned against the wall again. And seriously, why does it always end with his back on the wall and Jaebeom on his front? What gives.

“And I’m telling you it’s because I like you and not Jinyoung,” Jaebeom whispers right in his ear. “And it’s my turn to ask you why... Why do you keep running away from me?”

“Do you really need me to answer that?” Jackson says, irritated at the direction their conversation is taking. At this rate, he won’t be able to convince Jaebeom before the janitor arrives. He whines,  “Jaebeom, Jinyoung’s my best friend!”

Jaebeom only hums in response, turns his head and nuzzles Jackson’s jaw. Plants a kiss there. Another kiss, slowly travelling upwards. Then another kiss until he’s kissing the corners of Jackson’s lips and Jackson is frozen in place. Only that he isn’t freezing. No, he’s so far from being cold.

He’s burning. Burning so furiously, he thinks his clothes are going to melt off his body. And now’s not the time. He can’t possibly be naked in front of Jaebeom! That goes against everything he’s planned!

“Jaebeom,” he whimpers, “Jinyoung is— Jinyoung…”

He forgets what he’s about to say when Jaebeom shuts him up, takes his mouth, kisses him properly. All plans and grand speeches falling down the drain.

Jackson forgets everything, the world slipping away, as he reciprocates the action, mouth moving in response to Jaebeom’s. 

He forgets everything, even breathing for a second, and the only thing grounding him to reality and keeps his brain from flying away is Jaebeom’s heat and lips on him.

“Stop talking about other men when you’re with me, baby,” Jaebeom chuckles right in his mouth, hand creeping south again, hips pressing close again, and leg slotting in between his own a-fucking-gain, “I might actually get jealous, you know?”

Jackson mentally rolls his eyes. It’s Jaebeom who keeps on fooling around with other people, keeps entertaining losers who aren’t worth any of their time. If someone has the rights to be jealous between the two of them, it’s definitely him and not Jae—

Wait. What?

Jackson stops his brain right there and then, slams the brakes forcefully before his mind runs with the absurd idea and confuses him even more. Why would he be jealous? He doesn’t like Jaebeom! Jinyoung likes Jaebeom and Jackson is a trusty friend!

He is snapped out of his growing internal panic when Jaebeom’s deft fingers find their wicked way under his nuts just like he did minutes ago. And it’s easier like this. Easier to let Jaebeom take the reins so he wouldn’t think anymore.

He’s confused and scandalized and feeling so, so guilty but instead of shrieking at Jaebeom’s face again, Jackson groans this time – totally because of his warring thoughts and not because of the tingling warmth slowly spreading in his gut.

He doesn’t get it. 

He doesn't get what prompted him to surrender and let Jaebeom do him in one of the campus’ restroom walls again.

And once more, on the floor.

The poor janitor, upon finding the door locked and impossible to open and hearing the unmistakable grunts and moans, just leaves hastily, shaking his head in disgust, muttering curses under his breath about horny college students who can’t keep their pants on and their hands off. He’ll have to disinfect the entire room thoroughly later. He hates his job.

Jackson vaguely feels the presence of another being nearby, but no amounts of mortification and we really shouldn’t be doing this here, Jaebeom, oh god, there, yes, yes, please, no, I’m sorry, we really should stop have been enough.

He’s to blame, really. He feels so distressed about the whole thing – about Jaebeom and he and what’s going on between them; about Jinyoung and he and what this means for their friendship.

He’s so deep in trouble already but he doesn’t get it, still really doesn’t get why he agrees when Jaebeom asked if he can fuck him bent over the sink for the third time since they entered the damned restroom.

He’ll have to keep quiet again, bury this time alongside the last time.

Jinyoung can’t know Jackson has betrayed him again.