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Better Days

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Soojin knows that being with a girl is hard, that was one of the reasons why she brushes the idea off immediately when she thought of dating Shuhua, before. 

 

She hadn’t been with a lot of people in the past, and it was all boys, but no one’s ever made her want the way Shuhua does. The way she effortlessly warms her heart. And Shuhua has always made her lose her senses and it’s making her forget the fact that she’s a girl. And for Soojin it doesn't matter now, anyway.

 

Shuhua has never made her uncomfortable or forced herself onto her, not ever. And it makes her wonder how she can think that it was all wrong, when the younger girl is always there, always treating her with respect.

 

It’s not unusual to think that at a certain point in our lives, everyone starts to yearn for someone to spend the rest of your life with, to care for you without anything in return, to hold you like you’re the most important person in the world.

 

Still, it scares Soojin a little that she pictures Shuhua to be that person, so clearly. And when she looks at Shuhua, it seems like she’s seeing herself. Would they eventually fall out of these feelings? Would Shuhua eventually leave her when she realises that she can do better than her?

 

Soojin wanted to tell Shuhua how much she loved her when the younger girl walked her home last night, when she glanced back with a cute blush on her face as she went home.

 

And now, Soojin is waiting for Shuhua outside her car. They have been hanging out lately ever since the visit from the university. She thinks it's good progress.

 

Soojin wants Shuhua to know how she feels. But those words would lose it’s meaning if she will just spring it suddenly to the younger girl. So she settles on showing her first, like how Shuhua did all those years and until now.

 

It doesn’t take long for Shuhua to arrive and notices her leaning against her car, she makes a note to slightly lean more, imitating those sexy car commercials— damn she’s starting to think like Miyeon. Which is a success when Shuhua starts gaping at her from afar. 

 

The younger girl is obviously panicking. And as much as Soojin likes watching her squirm because of her, she approaches Shuhua. When they meet face to face, they have a little staring contest. Soojin is smiling widely while Shuhua is trying not to look anywhere besides her eyes.

 

And it takes everything within Soojin to not shower her with kisses.

 

Because Shuhua is so adorable right now.

 

“Shuhua-ya.”

 

“U— unnie.” The younger girl stutters, giving her a weak nod.

 

Soojin playfully slid her arm around Shuhua's. “Come on, let’s have dinner.”

 

“Ah, um… “

 

“It’s my treat.” Soojin happily added and dragged Shuhua along with her until they arrived at the car.

 

“A dinner would be nice.” Shuhua sighs as she lets herself into the passenger seat. 

 

Soojin flashes the younger girl a warm smile.

 

They had a meal in one of their favorite places around the area and they talked about anything their mind can think of. Which Soojin enjoyed since no matter how many times she watches Shuhua talk about random things, it never fails to make her smile.

 

It did take long before they were back to Soojin’s car.

 

They are in a comfortable silence as Soojin drives Shuhua back to her dorm. But it was broken, when Shuhua suddenly spoke up.

 

“What are you doing, Soojin-unnie?” Shuhua softly asks as they pass through the street. “I am confused, please tell me.”

 

The vulnerability in her voice makes Soojin stop the car immediately. And she is startled that the mood switches instantly.

 

They sat in complete silence for a while before Soojin even dared to look at Shuhua and struck that the same person who was chatting lively and laughing brightly with her earlier looks so fragile right now. How her eyes are downcast with unshed tears.

 

Soojin mentally curses herself for not making her feelings clear for the younger girl, and for bringing back the sadness back in those eyes and the hurt in her voice.

 

Before she can say anything, Shuhua heaves a long sigh. “I’m tired.”

 

Soojin, finally finding her voice, said, “of what?”

 

“Of being misled.”

 

Her breath hitches.

 

“I know it’s not your intention to lead me on. It’s my fault that I think of it that way. It just gets too much some— .”

 

“I’m not leading you on.” Soojin has never sounded so stern before. “I’m in love with you.”

 

Shuhua stares at the older girl with her stunned eyes and no words are coming from her parted lips.

 

So Soojin gives in.

 

She kisses her, her doubts are long forgotten. Her worries don't matter at this very moment. She just wants Shuhua to know that she loves her and she wants this. But her dreams didn’t prepare her for the feeling that is bursting in her chest once their lips meet. 

 

“I love you, Shuhua-ya.” Soojin pants softly, wondering how a short kiss can leave her this breathless. She didn’t wait for Shuhua's reply and just nuzzled herself into the younger girl’s body.

 

Shuhua is so warm.

 

And she can feel Shuhua’s heartbeat against her.

 

They stay like that for a while. Soojin has been curious yet scared of what the younger girl might be thinking. 

 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to hear those words from you.“ Shuhua said after a long silence, then chuckles making her vibrate against her, but rather weakly and her tone still has a hint of uncertainty. “Everything about you is so compelling that it entices me somehow despite your indifference. It’s surreal now that you finally said it. And I don’t know if this is true or my mind is just playing a trick on me again.”

 

The hesitation about accepting the confession is there, and Soojin can’t blame her. But the way Shuhua’s heartbeat echoes with her own, she knows that she still feels the same way. 

 

So Soojin smiles, tilting her head slightly to look at the younger girl. “Then let me show it to you.” She’s going to make her fall in love with her again. “I’ll prove it to you. Give me another chance.”

 

And Shuhua chuckles again, but this time it sounds genuinely amused.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Soojin playfully quirks an eyebrow at her. Failing to stop beaming, the blooming joy in her chest and the smile growing on her face despite the change of mood, and Shuhua’s giggles are not helping.

 

“You have that determined look on your face.” The younger girl takes a quick glance at her and cracks a watery smile. “I don’t have a choice in this matter, don’t I?”

 

“You don’t.” Soojin laughs and doesn't notice that at the same time, she’s bursting into tears. She doesn’t expect it will be this straightforward. 

 

Shuhua shifts in her seat and places her hand on her waist, the other wiping her tears, “Then, I love you too, Jinjin-ah.”

 

Soojin is actually dying to hear those words, she doesn’t expect another wave of feelings crushing into her over another love confession. She swears Shuhua got her in the palm of her hands, and she doesn't mind at all.

 

Overwhelmed with her thoughts, Soojin leans in and kisses her again. She can feel the younger girl wrapping her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Soojin would have never thought that she’ll be kissing Shuhua inside of her old small car at the side of the road to god knows where, and still feels so giddy, so excited, so hopeful.

 

Shuhua breaks away wanting to say something, but is stopped when Soojin steals a peck on her cheek. The younger girl struggles to continue and clears her throat. “It will take a long time for me to get used to this.”

 

Soojin cups Shuhua’s cheek and pinch it tenderly. “We’ll work on that.”

 

“I’ll look forward to it.” The younger girl mumbles softly.

 

Now that they are together, they both know that they got plenty of time ahead.

 

Soojin is glad that she met Shuhua, that she’s a part of her life, that Shuhua is who she is, that she finally let go of her own fear and she’s going to hold onto it for the rest of her life.

 

 

“They there are! Soyeonnie, Soojin-unnie and Shuhua are here!” Yuqi cheerfully calls her friends, waving. It earns her a smack from the girl beside her.

 

“You’re so loud. I already saw them the moment they went in.” Soyeon nonchalantly replies. “It’s not hard since they are all over each other like that.” She is pointing at the approaching couple who’s giggling loudly.

 

Even before Shuhua and Soojin arrived at their table, Minnie smiled widely at them. “You guys are so sweet! I’m almost envious.”

 

“And very late. Why is that though?” It is more of a question to herself and Miyeon looks like she already has an answer with the way she is smirking suggestively as she moves on to another seat to provide a space for the newcomers.

 

Yuqi rolls her eyes, clearly not wanting to hear any details.

 

Soojin secretly observed Yuqi’s expression and saw a small smile breaking into the younger girl’s face. Though she’s definitely sure that it is because of the giggling Shuhua besides her. And that, she is thankful for. They might still have some setbacks between the two of them, but Soojin sees Yuqi as her little sister more than anything and is glad that Shuhua has a protective best friend like her.

 

After the couple settles into their seats, Miyeon continues her teasing. “So let’s order? Or are you guys already full?”

 

“Today is a really good day to kill someone.” Shuhua curses under her breath.

 

“Stop teasing her, Miyeon-unnie.” Soojin raises her hand, smoothing the frown that’s forming on Shuhua’s face. Softly brushing the wrinkled forehead, the older girl gives her a look, silently asking if she is alright, and Shuhua smiles, reassuring her.

 

Shuhua flashes one last glare to Miyeon before giving her attention to the menu in front of her.

 

“Shall we order, then?” Soojin considerately suggests as she just heard Yuqi grumbling about being stuck with idiots while she’s hungry and remembering that both of them haven’t eaten anything since morning.

 

“Finally!” Yuqi raises her hand like she’s surrendering. “It’s on Shuhua since you made us wait.”

 

Shuhua is about to throw a fist when Soojin takes her hand, pouting at her. It didn’t take long before she agreed.

 

“Whipped.”

 

If Shuhua’s hand is found slipping into someone’s face, it’s not on her.

 

 

Soojin sighs nervously against a pair of warm lips. “I want to ask you something.”

 

“Hmm?” Shuhua hummed between kisses.

 

“Shuhua-ya.” Soojin pulls away, but still close enough so that their foreheads are touching, “Do you want to move in together?”

 

“Um… “ She averts her gaze down.

 

“I understand if you don’t want to.” Soojin gives her a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry for bringing this— ”

 

“Okay.”

 

Soojin tilts her head in confusion, “Huh?”

 

“I said okay. I’m moving in with you.”

 

Soojin can’t help but smile. She tenderly caresses Shuhua’s face before she leans in for another kiss.

 

 

Soojin opens her eyes. She just had another dream. 

 

It’s not like one of her dreams before. This time she thinks that this isn’t just a dream, but a piece of her memory, memories of her and Shuhua. It feels so real, because it is real.

 

“Jinjin-ah.”

 

Hearing her name, she shifts her body to the other side and is greeted by the sight of Shuhua struggling a little to open her eyes, the warm rays of sunlight shines upon the younger girl who lies beside her.

 

Oh, how she would do anything to memorise this moment.

 

“Hey.” Soojin mumbles.

 

Her lips curve into a smile when she sees the adorable girl with her messy hair sticking everywhere. She gently tugs her closer. 

 

Shuhua is cutely yawning, but her arms slowly curl around her waist. She can feel the delicate fingers tapping mindlessly to bare skin, making Soojin giggle.

 

The younger girl slightly leans back. And when Soojin is about to pull her back, Shuhua kisses her, from her forehead, down her eyebrows, her nose to her cheek and finally to her lips. They share a sweet kiss.

 

“I love you.” Shuhua mumbles as she snuggles into Soojin’s body. It didn’t take long before the younger girl fell asleep again.

 

“I love you too.” Soojin whispers back.

 

Soojin hopes that she could spend her whole life with Shuhua just like this, she hopes that she won’t have regrets again, she hopes she could always make Shuhua happy instead of hurting her.

 

And she would do absolutely anything to make that happen.