Work Header

What The Pines Did This Summer

Chapter Text

After everyone finished eating they returned to their seats, Dipper, Ford and Emilia picked up the notebooks so that they could work on the next code. Susan and Matthew were still grumbling over the fact that they couldn’t get up as the next episode started playing. 

Opens to Gompers baaing at the rooftop pf the Mystery Shack; 

“Why is that goat always there?” Willow asked and Stan shrugged. 

“He kinda just showed up one day and no matter what I did I could not get him to leave” He explained and she nodded in understanding. 

Cuts to Dipper and Mabel in the shack, Mabel is sitting on a spinning globe. 

Dipper: Mabel, do you believe in ghosts? 

Mabel: I believe you’re a big dork! Ha ha ha!

Dipper: (Puts pencil against globe, making Mabel fall off) 

A bunch of people chuckled at this while Mable elbowed Dipper’s side playfully. 

“Dipper Pines you could have really hurt your sister” Matthew scolded, Dipper and Mabel just rolled their eyes. 

Stan: (Enters from outside)  Soos! Wendy!

Soos: (Runs up, panting) What’s up, Mr. Pines! 

Stan: I’m headin’ out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right? 

A few people scrunched their nose up in disgust at the thought. 

Soos: Yes, sir!

Wendy: Absolutely not!

A bunch of people laughed at this while Stan rolled his eyes in fond exasperation. 

Stan: Ha ha! Yout stay out of trouble! (Leaves) 

Wendy: Hey guys! What’s this? (Unveils curtain) A secret ladder to the truth? 

Soos: Uh, I don’t think Mr. Pines would like that. 

Wendy: Huh? 

Soos: Uhhhhh.

Wendy: Huh? 

Soos: You’re freaking me out, dude!

A bunch of people chuckled at this. 

Dipper: Can we actually go up there? 

“You’ve already been on the roof though?” Lucy questioned and Dipper hummed. 

“Yeah but that was when I was trying to stay alive not just relax” He explained and she nodded in understanding. 

Wendy: Sure we can! Roof time! Roof time!

Dipper and Mabel: Roof time! Roof time!

Soos: (Looks out window) Uhhhh. 

“Poor Soos” Abigail said sympathetically. 

Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy: (Walk over roof to Wendy’s spot) 

Wendy: Alright, check it out!

Dipper and Mabel: Woah!

Dipper: Cool! Did you put all this stuff up here? 

Wendy: I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time every day. 

“How hasn’t she been fired?” Jennifer muttered to her friends who huffed and nodded in agreement. 

(Throws pine cone, it hits a target on a totem pole) Yes!

Dipper: Cool!

Mabel: Me first!

Dipper and Mabel: (Throw pine cones) 

Dipper: (Hits a car; the car alarm goes off) (Blushes) 

A few people wince while others chuckle. 

Wendy: Jackpot! High five. (Holds up hand)  … Don’t leave me hangin’. 

Dipper groaned as he used his notebook to cover his face while Mabel snickered. 

Dipper and Wendy: (High five) 

Wendy: Oh hey, it’s my friends!

Thompson: (Pulls up in a car. Thompson waves hand out window) 

Nate: Wendy!

Wendy: Hey, you guys aren’t going to tell Stan about this, are you? 

Dipper: (Zips lips) 

Wendy: (Zips lips) 

Dipper smiled softly at the familiar gesture before he refocused on the code, only for him Ford and Emilia to start chuckling when they cracked it. 

“What’s it say?” Mabel asked curiously. 

“Carla, Why Won’t You Call Me?” Dipper said through his chuckles and a bunch of people laughed as well. 

Later dorks! (Slides down trees and gets into the car) 

Allen perked up curiously at this. 

“No” Elliott said quickly and Allen pouted as he crossed his arms childishly earning him a fond eye roll from Elliott. 

Nate: Let’s get out of here! (Drives away) 

Dipper: Later Wendy! Heh heh heh! Good times!

Susan and Matthew frowned, they did not like the looks of this. 

Mabel: Uh, oh!

Dipper: What? 

Mabel: (Poking Dipper) Somebody’s in love!

Susan and Matthew’s frowns grew. 

Dipper: Yeah, right! I just think Wendy’s cool, okay? It’s not like I lie awake at night thinking about her!

(Cut to Dipper in bed at night, wide awake) 

A bunch of people burst out laughing while Dipper groaned and covered his face once again. 

“Dipper Pines, that girl is far too old for you!” Susan scolded but Dipper didn’t bother responding to her. 

Dipper: Uh-oh. 

(Cuts to theme song) 

(Cuts to inside Mystery Shack) 

Mabel: Random dance party for no reason! (Dances) 

A few people chuckled at this. 

Wendy: (Dances) Go! Go! Go! Go! 

Dipper: (Writing:) I am pretending to write something down. 

“You are such a dork” Mabel laughed as she elbowed his side while a bunch of other people laughed. 

Wendy: Dipper!

Dipper: (Throws clipboard and catches it) Uh what, yes? 

“Your a disaster” Hillary said in amusement and Mabel practically cackled in agreement while Dipper just huffed grumpily. 

Wendy: Aren’t ya gonna get in on this? 

Dipper: I don’t really dance. 

Mabel: Yeah, you do! Mom used to dress him up in a lamb costume and make him do… (Whispering to Wendy:) The Lamby Dance!

Susan smiled fondly at the memory while Dipper groaned and used the hood of his sweater to try and hide. If Mabel can go to sweater town then so can he! 

Dipper: (Angrily to Mabel:) Now is not the time to talk about the Lamby Dance. 

“No I think now is the best time to talk about the Lamby Dance” Gabriel said with a smirk on his face. Dipper buried himself further into his sweater while Mabel winced, telling Wendy was one thing but this theatre was filled with tons of people who would use this against Dipper. 

Wendy: Lamb costume? Wow, is there like little ears and a tail or…?

Dipper: Well uh, uh… 

Mabel: (Holds up picture) Dipper would prance around and sing a song about grazing. 

While someone people laughed others awed at the cute picture and Dipper was trying to become one with his sweater and the couch. Meanwhile, Susan clasped her hands together and let out a happy little sigh at the picture. 

Wendy: (Cuckoo clock goes off) Hey, look at that! Quittin’ time! The gang’s waitin’ for me.

Dipper: Wait! Why don’t I- or we come with you? 

Wendy: Ooh... I don’t know. My friends are pretty intense. How old did you guys say you are? 

Dipper: We’re thirteen! So, technically a teen. 

Susan and Matthew frowned disapprovingly. 

Wendy: All right. I like your moxie, kid! Let me get my stuff. (Leaves) 

Mabel: Since when are we thirteen? Is this a leap year? 

“That’s not how that works dear” Sally said in slight amusement and Mabel hummed in understanding. 

Dipper: Come on, Mabel. This is our chance to hang out with, you know, the cool kids. And Wendy and whatever. 

Mabel: I knew it! You love her! (Dances around Dipper, points at him and sings:) Love love love love love!

Dipper groaned while his parent's frowns grew. 

Dipper: Oh hey, what’s that? (Points) 

Mabel: Huh? 

Dipper: (Flips Mabel’s hair over her face) 

Mabel: (Through hair) Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. 

While a bunch of people laughed Dipper poked his head out of his sweater to smirk at Mabel who just blew a raspberry at him in retaliation. 

(Cut to teens outside) 

Thompson: (A jelly bean hits Thompson in the face) Hurry up!

Lee and Nate: (Holding up Thompson) In the belly! In the belly! (Another jelly bean hits Thompson in the stomach) In the belly! In the belly!

A few people chuckled at this while a few others wrinkled their noses up in disgust. 

Robie: (Gets ready to throw jelly bean) 

(Bean hits Thompson in the belly button) 

Robbie: (Looks at his bean in confusion) 

(Shows that Wendy was the one who threw the bean; Wendy straightens up from her throwing position, smiling) 

"Good aim" Someone muttered offhandedly. 

Wendy’s friends: Wendy!

Nate: Wendy! Wendy!  

Wendy: Hey guys! These are my pals from work, Mabel and Dipper. 

Mabell: I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain! BLAH! (Sticks out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it) 

A few people cringe in disgust at this. 

Dipper: She’s not much for first impressions. (Points at himself) Unlike this guy!... this guy… 

“You are so awkward” Allen chuckled alongside a few others while Dipper just sighed.

  Robbie: So are you, like, babysitting, or-

Wendy: Come on, Robie! Guys, this is Lee and Nate. 

Lee and Nate: (Punch each other and laugh) 

Wendy: Tambry. 

Tambry: (Texting) Hey… 

Wendy: Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for 50 cents. 

“That’s disgusting” Heather said and almost as soon as she said it a bucket of lime green jello and chocolate pudding fell from the ceiling and landed on top of her. She let out an ear-piercing shriek while Dipper, Mabel and August shared wicked grins. 

“WHO DID THIS?!” Heather shrieked as she tried to shake off the jello and pudding but nearly everyone was to busy laughing to answer her. 

“Come here darling let me help” Valerie Oscar, Heather's mother, said and Heather quickly rushed to her mother's side. 

“Hey! You mysterious voice person! Fix this right now!” Valerie demanded as she tried to wipe off the jello and pudding, a slight chill filled the room. 

“I have a name and I think she deserves her punishment” Vigil said coldly and Valerie let out a highly offended noise. 

“My baby girl has done nothing wrong!” She shrieked just as loudly as her daughter had, a bunch of people winced at this if those two kept this up they were all going to go deaf. 

“I demand that the person responsible for this be punished!” Gerald Oscar, Heather's father, shouted angrily and Vigil made an unimpressed sound. 

“How about you share her punishment instead” They said in amusement as lime green jello and chocolate pudding fell from the ceiling and landed on Gerald and Valerie, who both shouted in disgust and started complaining alongside their daughter.  

“Oh, will you shut up!” Jason Cross, Valerie’s brother, snapped and the three of them went to shout at him only to find that they couldn’t make any sound. 

“The shouting was getting on my nerves, so for the rest of the episode you three will remain silent” Vigil said tiredly before going silent once again, the whole Oscar family crossed their arms and grumbled silently to themselves. 

“Thank gods” Robin Cross, Jason’s partner, muttered in relief and a bunch of people made sounds of agreement. 

“So I’d say that that prank was a success” August said to the twins who snickered in agreement. Stan, who had overheard the conversation, covered his mouth to hide the proud smile on his face, he was so proud of those little shits 

Thompson: Don’t tell them that!

Wendy: And Robbie. You can probably figure him out. 

Robbie: Yeah, I’m the guy spray-painted the water tower. 

Dipper: Oh, you mean the big muffin!

Robbie: Um, it’s a giant explosion. 

Everyone: (Looks at water tower) 

“It does look like a muffin” Elliott remarked and a few people snickered in agreement. 

Lee: Hehe! Kinda does look like a muffin!

Lee and Nate: (Laugh) 

Robbie: (Glares at Dipper) 

“Someone's ego just got bruised” Allen snickered alongside a few others. 

Wendy: Let’s hurry it up, guys. I got big plans for tonight!

Everyone: (Gets into the car) 

Dipper: (Goes over to the passenger seat and sees Robbie there)

Robbie: Sorry kid, I’ll ride shotgun alright? 

Dipper rolled his eyes at this, Robbie was such a petty bastard. 

Dipper: (Gets into the back with Mabel) 

  Thompson: Okay just, before we go, my mom said you guys aren’t allowed to punch the roof anymore, so…

Teens except Thompson: (Punches roof) Thompson! Thompson! Thompson! 

A bunch of people laughed at this. 

“Poor guy” Abigail said sympathetically. 

Thompson: (Drives the car) 

Mabel: (Takes pen from Dipper, crosses out, “You stink!” on her door, writes “You look nice today!”) (Speaking:) Ha! This is gonna blow someone’s mind!

Mabel huffed slightly while Dipper snickered. 

Dipper: Mabel, please!

Mabel: What, am I embarrassing you in front of your new GIRLFRI-

Dipper: (Slaps hand over Mabel’s mouth; pulls it away) Ugh! Did you just lick my hand? 

A few people snickered at this. 

(Cut to Stan sitting in front of TV)

TV announcer: You’re watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!

“That’s a channel?” Jason questioned which only earned him a bunch of shrugged shoulders from everyone. 

Stan: Kids! I can’t find the remote and I refuse to stand up!

“Mood” August snickered alongside a few others. 

Tv announcer: Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, The Duchess Approves, starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as “The Duchess” and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain “Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire!”

Stan: KIDS!

A bunch of people laughed at this.

(The Duchess Approves begins) 

Stan: NO! NOOOO! 

Now everyone was laughing, none louder then Ford and the twins. 

(Cut to the teens and the twins standing in front of the Dusk 2 Dawn fence) 

Wendy: There it is, fellas! The condemned Dusk 2 Dawn!

Susan and Matthew frowned, they didn’t like where this was going. 

Lee and Nate: Ha! Cool!

Mabel: Neato!

Dipper: Why’d they shut it down, was it like a health code violation, or-


A few people gasped at this. 

Lee: Some folks died in there, the place has been haunted ever since!

Susan and Matthew immediately grew worried. 

Mabel: This town has such a colourful history!

A couple of people snickered at this. 

Dipper: Wha… Are you guys serious?

Wendy: Yeah! We’re all gonna die! Chill out man! (punches Dipper friendly) It’s not as bad as it looks. 

Susan and Matthew made sounds of disagreement. 

(Fast forward to everyone over the fence but Dipper and Lee. Dipper is straddling the fence) 

Wendy: Come on, Dipper!

Dipper: Okay Okay! Just gotta get a foothold…

Robbie: Dude, your sister did it!

Dipper sighed and sunk back into his seat. 

Mabel: (Running on the ground sideways in a circle) WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!

A bunch of people laughed at this. 

Lee: (Climbs up behind Dipper) Hey, you know what. Just… There you go. (Throws Dipper off the fence) Ha! S-sorry dude!

Susan and Matthew glared angrily at the screen. 

Nate: Good job throwing the kid off the fence, genius!

Lee: Your mom’s a genius...

Wendy: (Looks in the window of the store) Wow! This place is amazing!

“It’s just a convince store, how amazing can it possibly be?” Hillary questioned. 

“I think it’s because it hasn’t been touched in years” Lucy remarked and Hillary tilted her head to the side thoughtfully before nodding in agreement. 

Robbie: (Tries to open door) I think it’s, it’s stuck!

Dipper: Let me take a crack at it!

Robbie: Oh yeah. I can’t get in, but I’m sure Junior is gonna break it down like Hercules!

A small smirk appeared on Dipper’s face. 

Wendy: Come on, leave him alone. He’s just a little kid. 

A few people shot Dipper sympathetic look but he just continued to smirk at the screen.

Dipper: (Walks around to dumpster; jumps up on it) 

“What are you planning?” Allen questioned curiously while Susan and Matthew watched on worriedly.  

Tambry: Kid, what are you doing? 

Dipper: (Walks up the roof to the vents; punches it) 

Mabel: Go Dipper! Punch that metal thing!

Dipper: (Punches the vent cover into the vents;

“How?!” A bunch of people shouted in disbelief. 

“How are you so strong?” Robin questioned and Dipper gave them a confused look. 

“I’m really not that strong it was-” He tried to say only to be cut off by Gabriel scoffing. 

“Bullshit! You just punched a metal vent open!” He snapped before he reached over the couch so that he could grab Dipper’s arm and hold it up to inspect it for some kind of muscle. 

“It was just an old vent” Dipper tried to reason but Gabriel was having none of it as he continued to search for muscles. 

“Have you noticed how often Dipper seems to be resorting to violence?” Susan whispered worriedly to Matthew who had a grim look on his face. 

“I have and it’s worrying” He whispered back and Susan bit her lip worriedly as she glanced back at Dipper who was trying to yank his arm out of Gabriel’s grip. 

“Can you let go now?” Dipper grumbled as he tried to yank his arm away but Gabriel grip was to tight. 

“How can a string bean like you be so strong” Gabriel grumbled and Dipper sighed before he yanked at his arm again but this time with all his might which didn’t work as well as he had hoped. All he managed to do was pull Gabriel up over the couch which leads to both of them sprawling onto the floor. 

Dipper blinked up at Gabriel who was sprawled over him in surprise, Gabriel blinked back equally surprised before a scowl appeared on his face. He shoved Dipper roughly as he pushed himself up and stormed back to his seat. Dipper sat up with a confused expression on his face, he glanced at Mabel but she was to busy giggling uncontrollably to be of any help. 

Eventually, he got up and returned to his seat, though he was still very confused about what just happened. 

Walks inside) 

Wendy: Hey Dipper, take it easy!

Robbie: Who wants to bet he doesn’t make it? 

Dipper: (Walks outdoor; gestures for everyone to go inside) 

A couple of people cheered in approval at this. 

Lee: Good call inviting this little maniac!

Dipper smiled proudly to himself. 

Nate: Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!

Mabel: (High fives Dipper) 

Wendy: (Punches Dipper friendly) Nice work!

Dipper: (Skips inside after everyone else)

A few people snickered at this while Dipper blushed a little bit. 

Thompson: Do you guys really think it’s haunted?

Nate: Na! Thompon are you kidding me? 

(The sign mysteriously turns from “Yes, we’re open” to “Get lost! We're closed.” Commercial break) 

A bunch of people tensed worriedly.

Wendy: Whoa man, it’s even creepier than I imagined!

Mabel: (Wipes dust off change slot. Licks the dust off her finger) Yep it’s dust. 

A bunch of people cringed at this. 

Dipper: (Wipes dust off newspaper) 

Lee: Hey dude, where do you think they keep the dead bodies? 

Nate: (Shoves Lee) Shut up, man!

Wendy: Guys, check it out! You think these still work? (Turns on lights) 

“That’s cool” Lucy remarked.

Teens: (Muttering positive things about the store) 

Mabel: Jackpot!

Dipper: So, what are we going to do now?

Wendy: Anything we want.

(Everyone throws food at each other, then, they sit in a circle and pop mints into a Pit Cola bottle; it explodes and everyone cheers) 

“How is any of that food still good?” Alice questioned and a few people shrugged. 

Mabel: (Runs around corner) Oh my Gosh! Smile Dip! 

Mabel hissed at the screen startling everyone. 

“Evil!” She growled as she pretended to scratch at the screen earning her confused looks from everyone and a chuckle from Dipper as he patted her back comfortingly. 

I thought this stuff was banned in America!

Dipper: Maybe they had a good reason.

Mabel whined as she nodded in agreement. 

(Gets hit by a balloon full of food. Runs off) 

Mabel: (Puts the stick into the Smile Dip. Looks at the stick, then pours the entire package into he mouth)

“Mabel that is so unhealthy!” Matthew scolded and Mabel as she nodded in agreement. 

“I know dad, trust me I will never do it again” She promised and Matthew nodded in approval. 

(Wendy and Dipper are eating ice pops on a shelf) 

“How hasn’t that melted or gone bad?” Horace questioned but no one had an answer. 

Nate: (Offscreen:) Hey come here we got it ready!

Thompson: Whatever it is I’ll do it!

Wendy: (Laughs) Thompson! Dipper, this night is like, legendary. 

Dipper: Really?

Wendy: Just look around. The guys are bonding. 

Robbie and Nate: (Stuff ice down Thompson’s pants)

A few people chuckled at this. 

Wendy: I’ve never even seen Tambry look up from her phone this long. 

Tambry: (Looks up from her phone for a second) 

“That wasn’t very long” Willow remarked unimpressed. 

“It is for her” Dipper said in amusement. 

Wendy: And your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip. 

Mabel: Ugh, maybe I’ve had too much. What do you think? 

Cut to Mabel’s hallucination, she is in a valley that changes colours, and crazy pop music plays in the background. 

Flavour pup: Elknurg… tcurtsed… tsum

Everyone stared at Mabel with wide eyes while she just groaned. 

Flavour pup #2: Would you like to eat my candy paw?

Mabel: Of course you little angel! (Grabs the paw and chews it) 

Cut to real life; Mabel is chewing on air. 

“And this is why you don’t do drugs kids” Allen remarked in amusement and a few people snorted in agreement. 

Wendy: You know Dipper, I wasn’t sure if you could hang with our crew at first, but you’re surprisingly mature for your age. 

Dipper: Yes, yes I am. (Smears ice cream on face) 

Dipper blushed while a bunch of people laughed. 

Lee: Hey guys! We need more ice! (Shows Lee shaking a bag of ice over Thompson’s pants) 

Dipper: I’m on it! (Jumps off the shelf and walks over to an ice freezer. He takes a bag of ice, but looks up to see some sort of Cooler Monster) Aah!

A bunch of people screamed in shock while others just jumped in surprise. 

(Drops the ice and closes the door; he gasps and looks back at the door; he slowly opens the door again but the Cooler Monster is not there) 

Nearly everyone let out sighs of relief. 

Lee: What was that? I thought I heard some lady screaming back here. 

Dipper huffed while a few people snickered.  

Nate: You freakin’ out, kid? 

Dipper: Uh, no. I’m cool. Everything’s cool. 

Robbie: Then what’s all this about? (Points to the spilled ice) 

Dipper: That’s uh, um uh… hey look! Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!

Teens: (Mumble in agreement and walk over to play it) 

“Good thinking” August remarked and Dipper grinned in agreement. 

“No, it’s not! He should have told his friends what he saw so that they could get out of there!” Susan scolded earning her a few eye rolls. 

“They likely wouldn’t believe him and just tease him for being scared” Allen said reasonable and Susan scowled angrily as she returned her attention to the screen. 

Dipper: Heh heh, yeah let's all- let’s go play that. (Turns around and looks at the cooler’s door. Then turns around again and walks to the video game) 

Cuts to Thompson playing Dancy Pants Revolution, and everyone cheering him on. 

Dancy Pants: Dance! Hurry up!

Lee and Nate: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Wendy: Wow. He’s really terrible at this. 

A few people snickered at this. 

Dipper: Heh heh, yeah. That’s, that’s great. (Looks into a glass door, and sees the reflections of Wendy, Robbie, Tambry, Thompson and himself. Their skin, however, is replaced by bones. 

Nearly everyone jumped in surprise as their eyes widened. 

Dipper rubs his eyes and everything is back to normal) Come on, Grunkle Stan, pick up!

Susan and Matthew nodded in approval.

Ugh, what is he doing!?

Cuts to Stan watching The Duchess Approves. 

Susan and Matthew glared at Stan while he rubbed at his face, just how many times were the twins in danger and he wasn’t there to help them? 

Duchess: I don’t care about Dukes, or Commoners, or His Royal Highness Lionel of Cornwall! I’m not afraid anymore, Mother!

Mother: Duchess, I forbid you. 

Stan: (Eats ice cream) 

“Soap operas are pretty addictive aren't they?” Samantha said in amusement and Stan sighed as he nodded in agreement. 

Duchess: I may be a Duchess, but… I’m also a woman! (Takes her hat off to reveal her long hair flying in the wind) 

Stan: Yes! Yes! In you face Elizabeth! It’s just like my life!... In a way. 

A bunch of people gave him confused looks while a faint blush appeared on his face. 

Cuts to the phone hanging from the cord and Dipper walking over to Mabel. 

Dipper: Mabel, I need your advice. We’re hanging out in a haunted convenience store, I can’t get a hold of Grunkle Stan, and if I try to say anything about it to any of these guys they’ll just think I’m a scared little kid or something!

Mabel: (Makes a gurgling sound with Smile Dip all over her face, clothes, and her eyes small and green) 

“What is in that stuff?” Elliott muttered wide-eyed. 

Dipper: Mabel? 

Zoom in on Mabel’s face, fade to her hallucination: She’s flying with crazy pop music from before playing

Mabel: The future! in the past! Onwards Aoshima!

Aoshima: (Moves its fists in a circular motion, its mouth opens to reveal a fist coming out of them, and the fist’s open out and spit out rainbows) 

Everyone stared at Mabel wide-eyed while she just hissed at the screen once again. 

“What the fuck was that?” Gabriel muttered and those around him just shrugged. 

Cut to real life. 

Dipper: (Shakes Mabel) Mabel! How many of these did you eat!? 

Mabel: Beleven… teen… 

Susan and Matthew stared at the screen stunned, just what did their daughter eat?!

Dipper: Oh man. (Drops Mabel) Oh man, oh man, oh man. 

Robbie: (Uses a quarter to scratch lottery tickets) Ha! Ha ha ha!

“Do you think those are still valid?” Allen asked curiously and Elliott just shrugged. 

(Drops the coin and it rolls onto the floor and stops in front of a white line; goes to pick it up but stops) Whoa guys, you might wanna see this. 

Everyone except Mabel: (Gather around the tape markings of Pa and Ma’s bodies and talking to each other) 

“That’s so creepy” Abigail said and a bunch of people nodded in agreement. 

Lee: Whoa. Then the rumours are true!

Dipper: (Gulps) 

Robbie: (To Lee:) Dude, I dare you to lie down on it. 

“That’s so disrespectful” Willow huffed and a few people nodded in agreement. 

Lee: Good idea! (To Nate) Go lie down on it!

Nate: I’m a dead body, look! (Walks over to the markings) 

Ford frowned deeply, this was the quickest way to upset the ghosts that haunted the place. 

Dipper: Wait! Maybe let’s not do that. 

A few people nodded in agreement at this. 

Lee: This guy’s scared!

Dipper: All I’m saying is, why tempt the fates? I mean… What if this place really is… haunted? 

Teens: Boo! Ah c’mon!

Dipper sighed as he used his hood to cover his face once again. 

Dipper: Yeah, take it down a notch, Captain Buzzkill!

Dipper: I thought I was Dr. Funtimes.

Robbie: Well, you’re acting like Captain Buzzkill! Right? 

Tambry, Lee and Nate: (Nod) 

Wendy: Yeah, little bit. 

A few people shot Dipper sympathetic looks at this. 

Tambry: (Texting:) Status update: trapped in store with insane 9-year old. 

Dipper scowled slightly, why was he so eager to hang out with these guys? 

Dipper: I’m not a 9-year-old! (lies down in tape markings) 

Ford groaned as he covered his face. 

I’m 13! Technically a teen!

The tape markings light up and the lights go out. Tambry looks up and dissolves. 

A bunch of people shouted in alarm. 

Dipper: (Picks up her phone, reading from it:) Status update: AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Tambry: (Appears on security camera screen) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Nearly everyone stared at the screen in horror. 

Teens and Dipper: AAAAUUGGH!

(Commercial break) 

Tambry: AAAAH!!

“How do you get her out of there?” Lucy asked worriedly and Dipper winced slightly. 

“You’ll see” He said as he rubbed at his face, this was going to be so embarrassing. 

Wendy: Tambry! Tambry!

Dipper: Can you hear us!?

Tambry: (Looks around in confusion) 

Nate: What are we supposed to do? 

Lee: I don’t know man! I don’t know!

Robbie: Let’s just go already!

“You can’t just leave her!” Hillary shouted in alarm. 

Wendy: Thompson!

Thompson: (Playing Dancy Pants Revolution) Wait! I’ve almost got the high score!

“Seriously?!” Allen questioned. 

(dissolves and reappears inside the game) Uh? What?

A bunch of people shouted in alarm once again. 

Dancy Pants: It’s time to shake what your mama gave you!

Thompson: No! So many arrows!

Dancy Pants: (Throws arrows down on Thompson: You’re a dance machine!

“Is he okay?” Abigail asked worriedly. 

“He’s fine” Mabel said reassuringly though a few people gave her disbelieving looks. 

Thompson: No! You’re a dance machine! (Cries) 

A few weak chuckles filled the theatre at this. 

Dipper: Oh no!

Wendy: Thompson!

Robbie: Forget them! Let’s go!

Nearly everyone scowled at this, what an asshole. 

The doors close. 

Wendy: What the… (tries to open the door but can’t) Guys… It’s locked!

Nearly everyone tensed worriedly. 

Robbie: OUTTA MY WAY! (Throws the cash register at the door, but it dissolves and green light flies at Robbie) 

Dipper: Everybody, wait! Whatever’s doing this has to have some kind of reason! (opens Journal 3) Maybe if we can figure out what it is, they’ll let us out of here!

Ford nodded in approval. 

Robbie: “Uh-uh they’ll let us out of here!” (Sarcastically:) Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!

Wendy: I don’t know guys, maybe he’s got a point!

Lee: (Sarcastically:) Yeah right, I’m sure the ghost just want to talk about his feelings! (Screams as he dissolves and reappears on a cereal box) W-what?

“What is the pattern?” Ford muttered to himself while nearly everyone else stared at the screen in horror. 

Cereal box Toucan: I’m bonkers for eating you alive (Holds up a spoon) 

Lee: No! (Screams as a stabbing sound is heard) 

Someone in the back puked at the sound. 

“Don’t worry he fine” Mabel tried to reassure them but very few people believed her. 

Nate: Lee! Okay, okay… I’m with you kid! 100%, man!

“About time” Emilia muttered and Alice hummed in agreement. 

Pa: (Possessing Mabel, flies up behind counter; through Mabel, deep voice:) Welcome. 

“Mabel!” Susan shrieked worriedly earning a bunch of winces from everyone else. 

Dipper, Nate, Robbie, and Wendy: (Scream) 

Dipper: They got Mabel!

Dipper reached over and grasped Mabel’s hand who squeezed his comfortingly. 

Pa: Welcome to your graves, young trespassers. (Kicks legs and laughs) 

Wendy: We’re super sorry for hanging out in your store!

Dipper: Yeah! Can we just go now and leave forever? 

“You better not be thinking about leaving your sister” Matthew snapped and Dipper scowled angrily, he would never do that to Mabel. Mabel frowned worriedly and gently squeezed Dipper’s hand once again, this was probably bringing up a lot of bad memories for him.  

She had no real memories of her possession because of how out of it she had been due to the Smile Dip unlike Dipper who would never be able to forget his experience, she almost wished she did remember so that she could better comfort Dipper after his nightmares. 

Pa: Well… okay. You’re free to go. (Opens doors) 

“That worked?” Gabriel questioned in disbelief. 

But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off. I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs!

Nate and Robbie: (Scream and run for the door) 

Pa: (Closes doors) Just kidding about the hot dog sale!

Nate: Just let us out of here already!

“That won’t end well” Elliott remarked as he and a few others winced. 

Pa: I don’t like your tone! (Dissolves Nate) 

Nate: (Reappears as a hot dog on the stove) No! I’M A HOT DOG!

Another person threw up. 

Pa: It begins. (Makes everything float to the ceiling) Welcome to your home for all eternity!

Susan and Matthew cling to each other fearfully. 

Wendy: Dipper, what do we do?!

Dipper: DUCK!

Dipper and Wendy: (Duck to avoid a flying shelf) 

Susan let out a choked off sob in fear. 

Wendy: (Points) Quick! In there!

Dipper and Wendy: (Run to a tipped over ice cream machine and hide inside and pant) 

Wendy: What do they want from us?!

Dipper: Revenge, I guess? 

Wendy: What did we do wrong?

“There’s got to be a pattern” Ford muttered to himself. 

“If I remember correctly didn’t the owners hate teenagers? Maybe its because they were all doing typical teenage things?” Stan suggested and Ford's eyes widened. 

“That’s got to be it” He said and Stan smirked at being the one to figure it out. 

Dipper: Okay, let’s try and figure out the pattern here. Why was each person taken? Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing a video game, Lee was being sarcastic; it doesn’t make any sense!

“Those are just normal teenage things” Abigail said baffled. 

Wendy: Yeah! I mean, those are all just normal teenage things. 

Dipper: Wendy, say that last part again. 

Wendy: Normal teenage things? 

“Do the ghosts hate teenagers?” Allen questioned and Dipper hummed as he nodded. A few teenagers let out offended noises much to the amusement of the others. 

Dipper: Of course! Stay here until I get back! (crawls out of the freezer) 

“What are you doing?!” Susan and Matthew shouted in alarm and Dipper let out a tired sigh. 

“Fixing things” He said but they just continued to stare at the screen fearfully. 

Wendy: Dude, what are you doing?!

Dipper: Hey ghost!

Pa: (twists Mabel’s head around to face Dipper, then turns the rest of her body towards him) 

Mabel winced as she rubbed at her neck, so that's why her neck had been so sore afterwards. 

Dipper: I’ve got something to tell you! I’m not a teenager!

Pa: (drops everything that’s floating and appears holding Mabel by her hair with Ma) Hohoho! Well why didn’t you say so? (drops Mabel into a pile of candy) 

“That’s really all it took?” Hillary questioned in disbelief. 

Mabel: (Falling:) WAAH! (Lands in the candy and rubs her head) Ohhh… 

Mabel winces again. 

Pa: How old did you say you were? 

Dipper: I’m… (Reluctantly:) I’m twelve, technically not a teen. 

Ma: When we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store!

Pa: Always sassafrassin’ costumers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants! (Flashback to the day he and Ma dies) So we decided to up and ban them! (Pa in the flashback places a sign labelled “NO TEENS” on the store window) But they retaliated with this new fangled rap music. 

A few people tilted their heads in confusion. 

Ma: (In the flashback, hugs Pa) The lyrics, they were so, hateful!

90’s Teens: (In the flashback, dancing to the rap:) Homework’s whack, and so are rules! Tuckin’ in you’re shirts for fools!

A bunch of people laughed at this. 

Pa: (In the flashback:) NO!

Ma: It was so shocking, we were stricken down with double heart attacks!

Ma and Pa: (In the flashback, clutch their chests and collapse, dead) 

“So teenagers are the reason they died” Allen summarized and a few people made vaguely dismayed sounds. 

The flashback ends. 

Ma: (Brightly:) That’s why we hate teenagers so much! Don’t we honey? 

“I mean, that’s fair” Allen said as he shrugged his shoulders. 

Ma and Pa: (Nuzzle)

Dipper: But they’re my friends, isn’t there anything I can do to, help them? 

Pa: There is one thing. Do you know any funny little dances? 

“Your kidding” Hillary said in disbelief as she glanced at Dipper who just groaned and buried himself further into his sweater. 

Dipper: Uh… is there anything else I can do? 

Pa: (Lights himself on fire) NOOOO!

Dipper: OKAY OKAY OKAY! Um… Well, I do know… (Reluctantly:) the Lamby Lamby Dance. Bu-but I can’t really so it, without a lamb costume! (Folds his arms, happy to be out of it) 

“Something tells me your not going to get away with that” Lucy said and Dipper groaned in agreement. 

Pa: (Snaps his fingers and Dipper is in a lamb costume) 

A few people cooed while a bunch of other people laughed, Dipper blushed brightly as he wished that the couch would swallow him up. 

Dipper: Oh, well… there it is. (Takes a deep breath, sings the Lamby Lamby Dance) Welllll… Who wants a Lamby Lamby? I do! I do! So go up and greet your Mammy mammy mammy! Hi there! Hi there! So march march march around the daises… (Wendy smiles; this is the cutest thing she had ever seen) 

While Susan smiled warmly nearly everyone else laughed. 

Pa: Yes, Yes! More! MORE!

Dipper: (Marching and singing:) Don’t don't you forget about the babies! (Sweats, winks) 

“That was so cute!” Lucy gushed and Dipper just grumbled unhappily as Mabel patted his back comfortingly. 

Pa: That was some fine, girly dancin’ boy! Your friends are free. 

Dipper: (In normal clothes) Well I don’t think you have to worry about us coming back, so… 

Ma and Pa: (Disappear and allow everything to fall back to the floor and freeing the teens) 

A bunch of people let out sighs of relief. 

Mabel: Ugghh… I’m never gonna eat or do anything ever again. 

Dipper: Hey! (Picks up a package of Smile Dip) There’s still some left!

Mabel hissed at the screen once again much to everyone else’s amusement. 

Mabel: (Slaps it out of his hand) EVIL!

Lee: (To Wendy:) What-what happened after everything went crazy?


Wendy: You are not going to believe it! The ghosts appeared, (laughing:) and Dipper had to… (sees Dipper looking at her, silently pleading with her not to tell anyone) Uh, and uh, Dipper just grabbed a bat, and just started beating ghosts down, left and right and the ghosts got all scared, and ran away like a couple of little girls, it was insane!

“She’s a good friend” Sally remarked and Dipper and Mabel grinned n agreement. 

Nate: Alright! Dr. Funtimes!

Wendy: (Turns to Dipper and zips lips) 

Dipper: (Zips lips) 

Dipper sighed happily, Wendy really was the best. 

Cut to everyone except Dipper and Wendy sleeping in the van. 

Wendy: Well, I’m probably scarred for life. 

A bunch of people made sounds of agreement at this. 

Dipper: Yeah, that was pretty crazy. 

Wendy: I think I’ll go stare at a wall for a while and RETHINK EVERYTHING. 

“Mood” August snickered alongside a few others. 

Hey, next time we hang out, let’s stay at the Mystery Shack. Okay? 

Dipper: Next time? Yah! Let’s let’s hang out at the shack! Yeah… (gets in the car, to himself:) Next time… (gets in the car and sits next to Mabel) 

A few people chuckled at this while Dipper groaned once again. 

Mabel: OHHHHH… (sees the thing she wrote earlier) What kind of sick joke is this? 

Nearly everyone laughed at this while Mabel just grumbled to herself. 

The car drives away from the store, and the lights go out in the store. Cut to credits. 

Stan: (In front of the TV) Ah, the wedding. I’ve waited so long for this. 

“You were really invested” Ford said in amusement and Stan just huffed as he crossed his arms grumpily. 

Oh, look at her in that dress! (angrily as people on the TV gasp:) Count Lionel? What’s he doin’ here?!

Count Lionel: (From TV:) I’ve come to reclaim my bride!

Stan: You had your chance at the cotillion, you!

Man: (From the TV:) You had your chance at the cotillion, you!

A few people snickered at this. 

Stan: That’s what I’m SAYING! UuuaaaAAAAGGGHHH!

Outside, Dipper and Mabel are walking to the door. The television flies out the window and nearly hits them. 

Nearly everyone stared at the screen wide-eyed while Susan and Matthew scowled at Stan. 

Stan: Uh, couldn’t find the remote. 

Almost everyone laughed at this, including Stan. It took them a while to all calm down and when they did the trio that was Emilia, Ford and Dipper started working on the next code while the next episode began playing only to pause immediately when the Oscar family started waving their arms about angrily. 

“I suppose I should keep my word” Vigil said unamused and in a blue flash they all regained their voices. 

“It’s about time you QUACK !” Valerie snapped only to cover her mouth in shock, everyone stared at her in shock. 

“However whenever any of you try to say an unkind word to anyone an animal noise of my choosing will replace it” They said in amusement and nearly everyone howled with laughter. 

“This is the best thing ever!” Jason cheered as tears appeared in his eyes from how hard he was laughing. The Oscars family grumbled angrily with a few squeaks and chirps mixed in as the next episode resumed playing.