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Nie Huaisang is rich. 

Well, Nie Huaisang’s brother is rich, but that’s basically the same thing because Nie Mingjue will give Nie Huaisang anything he wants if he whines enough. The same goes for all of Nie Mingjue’s friends, because they all think Nie Huaisang is a useless baby who can’t keep himself alive if left alone. In reality, he’s a gremlin, but they don’t need to know that. 

Therefore, Nie Huaisang has their shared mansion all to himself for the weekend, having convinced his brother to go on a trip with his friends because “You’re too stressed!” and “I won’t burn the house down!”. He won’t, he’ll trash it with the most intense night of partying anyone’s ever seen. 

Now, Nie Huaisang is a gremlin, not a delinquent. He’s not absolutely demolishing the mansion for the satisfaction of seeing everything go to shit. No, not just that. 

His best friend got dumped by a liar and cheater and if he doesn’t cheer him up then he isn’t Nie Huaisang. Oh, more than that. Nie Huaisang is going to get him laid

The friend in question is Wei Wuxian, and yes, Nie Huaisang was shocked when he told him. The thing is that Wei Wuxian doesn’t get dumped, he dumps. He dumps whichever sad bastard and saunters off into the sunset (“I do not .”). Wei Wuxian does not get dumped. He certainly doesn’t get cheated on. 

So, it all leads up to this epic party to be remembered by Gusu University for the centuries to come. 

Because his ex is a bitch and dumped him two days before his birthday, Nie Huaisang is going to throw him the most legendary birthday party this university has ever seen. 

The mansion is conveniently located right off campus grounds, so technically they aren’t breaking any rules (more like no one can stop them). Nie Huaisang has a basement’s worth of wine, all of Wei Wuxian’s favourites. He has invited all of the hottest bachelors on and off campus. He has gathered all of Wei Wuxian’s favourite people in the same capacity so if his friend doesn’t cheer up then he’ll never cheer up. 

He’ll die sad and alone and still hung up on that time Xue Yang cheated on him. 

“I’m over it.” 

It is 2 in the morning, music blaring is through the speakers, and the party is in full-swing. Nie Huaisang squints. “Sure,” he says, completely and utterly convinced by Wei Wuxian’s very low effort in dressing up. 

Wei Wuxian is a fancy bitch, he will wear a crop top every chance he gets. Currently, he is in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, not even the kind of jeans that makes his ass look delectable. At least he combed his hair. 

“At least you combed your hair,” Nie Huaisang says. 

Wei Wuxian runs a hand through his hair sheepishly. “A-Cheng made me comb it.” 

“Oh my god, fuck Xue Yang,” this is immediately followed by a slap to Nie Huaisang’s arm from a very annoyed Jiang Cheng. “Ow, sorry.” 

“Just go get laid, you’ve been whining non-stop about it and I’m sick of it.” Jiang Cheng gives Wei Wuxian an aggressive shove towards the crowd of people gathered smack in the middle of Nie Huaisang’s living room, but Wei Wuxian simply pours the remainder of his wine into his mouth and gulps it down. 

“Don’t feel like it.” 

“Look, everyone in here has to pass a vibe check and they’re all probably horny as fuck, so just go join an orgy or something.” 

Wei Wuxian tilts his head curiously. “What vibe check?” 

“Wen Qing’s vibe check, and I’m sure you trust her vibe.” 

Wei Wuxian scratches his nose and nods thoughtfully. “I do trust her vibe,” he then shrugs. “I’m just not in the mood.” 

Nie Huaisang furrows his eyebrows in worry. “I’m sure you’ll find someone, they’re all single and down to- oh my god is that Lan Xichen?” Nie Huaisang ducks behind Wei Wuxian’s much larger form and cowers, words forgotten by his tongue. “I totally did not complete his assignments, why’s he here? I thought he didn’t party and slept at 9?” 

Lan Xichen is their Public Relations professor and Wei Wuxian did not complete his assignments either, but he is curious about a Lan at a university frat party. 

The university is basically run by Lans, all their professors and lecturers are Lans and the university is funded by the Gusu Lan Group. Lan Xichen is one of the more bearable professors they have; he’s younger and all smiles. 

Said professor is currently greeting his students with the same pleasant smile, not at all fazed by the alcohol and weird hormone mist the crowd in the middle is giving out. 

Wei Wuxian gives him a small nod when he approaches them. “Wei-gongzi, the man of the night, happy birthday.” The whole exchange cannot be not weird, no matter how you look at it. Lan Xichen, still calm and collected and pleasant , wishing Wei Wuxian happy birthday, with the background of university students twerking to Worth It by Fifth Harmony. 

“Uh, thanks Prof.” 

Sure, he isn’t all that much older than them, but it is still very weird. 

Lan Xichen looks around and smiles gently. “Kids these days throw such fun parties.” There is probably an orgy going on in one of the guest bedrooms but Wei Wuxian felt like it’s an odd time and place to point that out. 

“Prof, not to be disrespectful or anything,” Jiang Cheng, the only person who doesn’t have Lan Xichen’s class, says, “but you don’t strike me as a party person.” 

“Yes, I normally don’t stay out this late, surrounded by this much… chaos.” Chaos is a nice way to put it, to put this absolute cluster-fuck of a party. “But I have my own agenda, don’t worry about your old professor.” 

Jiang Cheng raises an eyebrow. “That is..?” 

Even Wei Wuxian is surprised by the twinkle in his eye. “I’m looking to get laid.” Wei Wuxian chokes, Jiang Cheng drops his plastic cup, and Nie Huaisang squeaks. Lan Xichen shrugs, like he didn’t just blow all three of their minds. “The invitation Wangji received promised hot single men off-campus, so here I am.” 

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know whether to be impressed or shocked by the absolute lack of fucks given by his professor. He decides both are appropriate. 

“You invited Lan Wangji?” Jiang Cheng says. 

“I promised Wei-xiong hot and single men, he’s hot and single.” 

“I’m glad you think so highly of my brother,” Lan Xichen says with his pleasant smile still plastered on his face, “he’s here as well.” 


Nie Huaisang actually screams this time. 

Wei Wuxian is not drunk enough for this. 

Jiang Cheng is looking for another cup of wine. 

“I managed to convince him to come,” Lan Xichen gestures to his accomplishment, presented in the form of an annoyed and disgruntled Lan Wangji. “I thought that Nie Huaisang must be looking forward to seeing him if he sent Wangji the invitation, so I had him accompany me.” 

Nie Huaisang sent that invitation to roughly a hundred people, on and off campus, literally every hot person he’s ever laid eyes on. There’s a pizza delivery guy whose ass Nie Huaisang would probably lick somewhere around here. 

Maybe it’s the wine in Wei Wuxian’s system, but no one should have hair as long and glossy as Lan Wangji’s. “Who’re you and what conditioner do you use?” Maybe he’s actually drunk. He shares most of his classes with Jiang Cheng, so if Jiang Cheng knows Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian should probably know him. But he doesn’t. 

Lan Wangji merely raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Wei-gongzi, this is Lan Wangji, my brother,” Lan Xichen introduces them, quite happily might I add. “I think he shares Psychology with Jiang-gongzi.” 

Lan Wangji confirms by nodding slowly. Once. 

That makes sense, Wei Wuxian is in the Civil Engineering masters program. “I still really want to know what conditioner you use.” Hair should not be that neat. 

Lan Wangji makes a sound, Wei Wuxian does not understand. “Wei-xiong, you’re drunk,” Nie Huaisang says. 

Wei Wuxian thinks about this for a bit. “I’m not drunk enough,” and he wanders off in search of more wine. 

Nie Huaisang sighs. “I’m sorry Professor Lan, he’s a little…” 

“I’ve heard,” Lan Xichen says, “gossip is hard to avoid.” 

Lan Wangji furrows his brows in confusion. 

It’s 5. No, it’s 6. Actually, Wei Wuxian doesn’t know. 

After a good effort at getting shit-faced, Wei Wuxian is close. He actually hates his high alcohol tolerance right now. All he wants to do is pass out drunk on Nie Huaisang’s couch and wake up confused and forgetful. 

From his hiding spot, he can hear his friends looking for him. 

“Where the fuck did he go?” Wen Qing says. 

Nie Huaisang looks behind a large potted plant. “Maybe he’s in the basement? He said he was getting wine.” 

Wen Ning, who joined the search about 10 minutes ago and is the most sane person in the whole house, agrees and leads them to the basement. 

Wei Wuxian was in the basement. Now, he’s under the grand staircase of the Nie Mansion and camouflaged by tall bookcases. How they missed him, he will never know. Maybe they’re just as drunk as he is. 

Wei Wuxian feels stuffy. He wants to get outside. The garden sounds nice. 

Wei Wuxian steps out of his hiding spot once his friends went downstairs and almost crashes into a whole person. 

Apparently, drunk Wei Wuxian’s logical reaction to almost bumping into a stranger is to point an accusing finger at them and shout, “You!” 

Lan Wangji raises an eyebrow. “Me?” 

“Yeah, you, you, uh, Prof’s brother.” Wei Wuxian has forgotten his name and he will blame it on the alcohol later. “Is it horse conditioner?” 

Lan Wangji raises his unraised eyebrow. 

“Your hair. It’s… shiny, and pretty, is it horse conditioner?” Wei Wuxian is genuinely curious. “Or are you actually a fairy?” 

Lan Wangji’s hair reaches his waist, but does not fray or frizzle. It lays neatly against his back in smooth casends. His bangs - even on a Saturday, at a frat party - is pulled up into a neat bun with the Lan family ribbon tied around his forehead. 

Much unlike Wei Wuxian’s currently kelp-like excuse of a ponytail. 

Lan Wangji stays quiet for a long time, seemingly assessing whether or not Wei Wuxian is serious. “You’re drunk.” That is his conclusion. 

Wei Wuxian snorts and knocks back another mouthful of Emperor's Smile. “Been drunk.” 

Lan Wangji simply nods. 

“Hey, you wanna get out of here?” 

Wei Wuxian fails to notice the way Lan Wangji’s eyes widen in alarm. “You’re drunk,” he repeats, now taking a step back to put what he deems is a reasonable distance between them. Looks reasonable. 

“Yeah, no shit. The only direction I know right now is up. Not even sure where front is.” Wei Wuxian blinks and almost falls against the bookcases. He manages to straighten himself up, somewhat. “Just, like, point me in the direction of the garden, I’ll figure it out.” 

Lan Wangji takes a second to process this and takes his elbow. 

Carefully, Wei Wuxian feels himself being maneuvered around the crowd and pass sweaty bodies. Most people have passed out drunk by now, so Lan Wangji makes an effort to guide Wei Wuxian’s feet so as to not accidentally step on the almost-dead bodies. 

Wei Wuxian knows he’s in the garden when the cold wind of dawn hits his face. “Sweet Lan Qiren, air.” So Wei Wuxian does what rational individuals do. He falls to his knees, and then on his face. “Mnmm, mnmn mnnmmn.” 


Wei Wuxian flops around onto his back and looks up at Lan Wangji staring down at him. He pats the spot next to him, on the wet grassy ground. 

Lan Wangji takes a second to think. He unties the jacket around his waist and lays it on the floor. Elegantly, he sits on it, next to Wei Wuxian. “So, what program are you in?” 

“Philosophy, masters,” Lan Wangji says quietly. 

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know why Lan Wangji hasn’t left him to rot on the dirt floor by now. By all reason, if all the things Jiang Cheng told him are true, Lan Wangji is going to spit on him and strut off into the rising sun. But he doesn’t. 

Instead, they have a pleasant conversation about music and rabbits. 

At some point, Wei Wuxian hears familiar voices coming towards them and holds out the last of his wine. “Want some?” Lan Wangji politely refuses. Wei Wuxian downs it and stands up. “Well, let’s go.” 

Lan Wangji makes a noise of confusion and then a sound of surprise when Wei Wuxian grabs his elbow, dragging them behind a bush around the perimeter of the garden. 

Nie Huaisang, Jiang Cheng, and the Wens exit the mansion and into the garden. Wei Wuxian hopes that the shadows of the trees and the odd bodies laying around hides them well. Apparently, it works. 

“We’ll get back to questioning you later,” Nie Huaisang says, “but where’s Wei-xiong? It’s his birthday party, he had cake and disappeared.” 

“He’s probably having sex in one of the guest rooms,” Jiang Cheng suggested, expression not lacking in disgust. 

Nie Huaisang entertains the idea. “Well, whatever, he’s a grown man, he can make his own decisions.” 

“Not great ones, but still,” Wen Qing rolled her eyes. 

“I just hope he’s not still hung up on that bitch.” 

They leave and Wei Wuxian stumbles along the line of bushes towards the back gate. He almost trips over a root, but Lan Wangji steadies him with hands clasped around his upper arms. “Where are you going?” 

Wei Wuxian feels nauseate. He swallows dryly, “Out of here.” 

Lan Wangji - for reasons unbeknownst to Wei Wuxian - follows him off the Nie property and onto the streets. The streetlamps are still on, the sky barely a glow. 

They walk a short distance before Wei Wuxian finally kneels beside a drain and throws up. 

Lan Wangji looks around. He removes Wei Wuxian’s cup from his hands. “There’s not even any more alcohol in there, I’m not going to drink more,” Wei Wuxian says, still kneeling over the foul-smelling sewage. “Not sure what that’s gonna do.” 

After throwing up some of the contents of the night, Wei Wuxian feels himself sobering up. Therefore, when Lan Wangji returns with his cup filled with water, he is understandably confused. 

Lan Wangji gestures to someone’s tap in their garden, just close enough to the hedge that he could reach through and use. “Gurgle.” 

Wei Wuxian takes the water gratefully and removes the taste of half-digested alcohol from his mouth. “Thanks.” 


Wei Wuxian looks around the neighbourhood and walks in a direction. Lan Wangji follows. 

“Where’s your home?” Lan Wangji asks. 

Wei Wuxian squints and stops mid-step. “I swear it’s in this direction.” 

Wei Wuxian is too drunk to get home. Are we surprised? No, we’re not. 

Lan Wangji does the only reasonable thing, grabs Wei Wuxian by the elbow and drags him in the direction of his home. Wei Wuxian blindly follows and does not ask questions. He’s not going to ask this hot stoic-type to stop helping him through his various stages of drunkness. Wei Wuxian appreciates the view God has put in front of him. 

“Where are we going?” Wei Wuxian asks, eventually. “Just to be clear, I’m not down to fuck.” 

Lan Wangji flinches but does not react anymore than that. “Home.” 

Wei Wuxian hums, like that makes sense. “Ooh, Lan-gege, McDonald’s!” 

Lan Wangji flinches again, but looks at the glowing arch Wei Wuxian is pointing at across the street. 

“I want a burger. I’m starving, can we get burgers? Please? Pretty please? Please .” 

Lan Wangji makes a mental note: if he ever gets into this situation ever again, regardless of whatever higher power that puts him there, he will not take the McDonald’s route. 

“Please? Lan-gege, please? Please, please, please !” 

That is how Lan Wangji ends up in McDonald’s, sitting across from Wei Wuxian, deep-throating a Big Mac. He never set foot into a fast food restaurant before, but even drunk Wei Wuxian had no problem ordering so he just paid. 

After Wei Wuxian finishes his burger and moves onto fries, Lan Wangji is staring. Blatantly. “Like what you see?” Wei Wuxian cringes at his own words. “Sorry, force of habit. Why’re you staring?” 

Lan Wangji reaches and pulls out a reasonably sized stick from Wei Wuxian’s hair. “I’m sorry I did not notice it sooner.” 

Wei Wuxian’s expression morphed into horrified. “Shit, thank God Jiang Cheng didn’t see that. He’ll never let me live that down.” 

Lan Wangji inspects the stick and throws it away. “If I may ask, why did you leave the party? Is it not your birthday?” 

“I’m not in the mood for a party,” Wei Wuxian sips his drink too loud for Lan Wangji’s taste, making him frown, “my friends think I’m this party animal, that all my problems will be forgotten if they throw me a party and get me drunk. It’s just not that, but I can’t bring myself to tell them that.” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

Wei Wuxian burps and laughs at himself. “God, sorry. You Lans probably burp Chanel perfume and fart Gucci.” 

“We do not.” 

The seriousness Lan Wangji answered with makes Wei Wuxian giggle. 

“I do not mean to ruin the mood, but someone is staring at you.” Lan Wangji turns his head slightly and stares back at that someone behind Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian follows his gaze, landing on the one and only Xue Yang and his new boyfriend (read: victim). 

“Shit,” Wei Wuxian grits out, turning back and covering his face, “remember my problem that my friends were trying to fix with the party? That’s him, the problem.” 

Lan Wangji furrows his eyebrows. 

“Do I really need to spell it out for you, dude? That’s my ex, he cheated on me and dumped me.” 

Lan Wangji widens his eyes. “Do you want to leave?” 

“Yeah, but he’s blocking the goddamn door.” Xue Yang sits at the table nearest to the door, staring intently at Wei Wuxian while his new boyfriend chats on about his night. 

“He’s not.” 

“He- You- Pah, you know what I mean.” Lan Wangji does not and Wei Wuxian realizes this too late. “Ugh, just, oh my god, Lan-gege, tell me how does his face look? Is he smug? Is he fucking grinning like a maniac?” 

Lan Wangji glances at Xue Yang. The latter ducks his head down. “He looked confused, and angry, but he’s not staring anymore.” 

Something in Wei Wuxian’s head clicks. “Lan-gege, hold my hand.” 

Lan Wangji furrows his brows again, more intently this time. 

“He thinks we’re hooking up, take my hand, get us out of here, and glare at him while you do it, but like, keep it low-key,” Wei Wuxian says, “p- please?” 

“I’m not your boyfriend,” Lan Wangji says, oblivious to all the social cues and attempts the universe has taken to write a fanfic. 

“Just pretend, if he sees me all sad and alone and drunk in this fucking outfit,” Lan Wangji does think Wei Wuxian’s outfit is messy and unclean, “I’ll die, my pride cannot handle that.” 

Lan Wangji takes his hand and they stand up. The screech of the chairs is unbearable, but Wei Wuxian is determined to not flinch. They walk towards the door and Lan Wangji leads the way. The glare that Wei Wuxian saw when he first met Lan Wangji - the one that shoots swords - makes its way back onto his face like a king back onto his throne, except this time, it’s directed at Xue Yang. 

Xue Yang returns with a glare that lacks courage but Wei Wuxian only got a small glimpse before he is pulled out of the doors by Lan Wangji. 

“Damn, you look scary.” 

Lan Wangji hums. 

“Like even scarier than when Prof dragged you to the party.” And it’s kind of hot , but Wei Wuxian is not drunk enough to say that outloud. 

“‘Adultery is forbidden’, the Lan family rule number 1134.” 

Of course their family has a list of rules written down. “Well, thank you for making it look like we fucked.” 

Lan Wangji properly splutters this time.

Wei Wuxian wakes up in a bedroom too spacious and clean to be his. 

He also does not own a fucking grand piano. 

Wei Wuxian holds a hand up to his temple in an attempt to soothe his migraine and use his brain. Let’s see, what the fuck happened last night..? Wei Wuxian remembers the party, where he promptly got drunk out of his mind. Then, he remembers dragging Lan Wangji out of the party and to McDonald’s. The rest is history. 

Wei Wuxian doesn’t remember the rest. 

The first thing he does is check himself. Still clothed, so they didn’t fuck. He places a hand on the other side of the king-sized bed. Cold. So they didn’t sleep in the same bed. Or it’s just really fucking late and Lan Wangji woke up a while ago. 

Wei Wuxian drags himself out of bed and towards one of the doors in the room. Bathroom. He then heads towards the other door. 

The first thing he sees is blinding white walls that strangely remind him of hospitals and museums. The pristine walls frame a very minimalistic living room with large grey couches and a glass coffee table. 

“Oh, you’re awake.” 

That voice sounds too enthusiastic to be Lan Wangji, so Wei Wuxian guesses correctly when he sees Lan Xichen standing in the kitchen unit. “Uh, sorry about crashing here.” 

“Oh, it’s fine,” Lan Xichen says with his always-present smile, “I would be too worried to let you get home by yourself. Wangji told me you were so drunk, you forgot where you lived. So he brought you here.” 

Wei Wuxian sits down at the island when Lan Xichen gestures. “Uh, what time is it?” 


Wei Wuxian checks his phone. 10 miss calls from Jiang Cheng. He replies with a text. 


where are you??/??? 


i’m gonna kill you 

are you alive/???? asking for jie

im alive   

i sure fucking hope so you dipshit

Wei Wuxian pockets his phone. 

“You’re awake.” 

Lan Wangji exits a room, hair damp against his back. Wei Wuxian quietly thinks that he doesn’t belong here, he belongs in a historic TV show complete with emperors, princes, and xianxia heroes. 

Lan Wangji wears matching loungewear, complete with low neckline and fluffy slippers. His hair sticks on his bare forehead and his skin glows from the water, making him look just a little more otherworldly. His towel hung around muscular shoulders and Wei Wuxian should stop staring. But he can’t because collar bones

Lan Wangji clears his throat and shuffles towards where Lan Xichen is making eggs. Wei Wuxian notices that the tip of his ears are tinged pink. It’s adorable. 

Lan Wangji ignores the eyes staring holes into his back and starts boiling water for tea. 

“How do you like your eggs, Wei-gongzi?” Lan Xichen asks. 

“Just sunny-side up, please.” 

Lan Xichen gives Lan Wangji a cheeky look. I’ll teach you how to make them. 

Lan Wangji grunts and frowns. Stop it. 

The Lans have tea every morning, noon, and afternoon, Wei Wuxian later finds out. They also like their eggs hard-boiled with congee and dates. Lan Wangji plays the piano, and does not explain how they managed to get a fucking grand piano into his room, in a condominium unit, on the 49th floor. Wei Wuxian has tried to pester him, to no avail. 

Lan Wangji also uses a tea tree oil conditioner that Wei Wuxian will definitely look up later. 

They have a late breakfast, Wei Wuxian washes up, and Lan Xichen kindly calls him a Didi. 

It’s now half-past 2. Wei Wuxian knows because the Lans have a grandfather clock in their living room. 

“Bye, see you around Lan-gege,” Wei Wuxian grins at him. 


“See you next Monday, Prof. Thanks for breakfast.” 

“You’re most welcome, Wei-gongzi.” 

After Wei Wuxian leaves, Lan Xichen gives his brother a look. Lan Wangji ignores him. “Lan-gege, do the dishes, please.” His smile is edging close to a grin. 

Lan Wangji glares and pulls on the rubber gloves.

Jiang Cheng has to know everything. 

He has to know everything so he can know where and how exactly Wei Wuxian fucked up, and how to fix his fuck up before fucking him up. To say he’s anxious when Wei Wuxian does not return after getting shit-faced drunk over his ex is an understatement. 

When Wei Wuxian doesn’t tell him shit, saying he blew up is an understatement. 

In an attempt to make it up to him, Wei Wuxian arranges to go bar-hopping for his birthday. Jiang Cheng was almost completely convinced by the idea, he only screamed at Wei Wuxian a little bit. 

It is Jiang Cheng’s birthday and Wei Wuxian cannot let his own problems ruin this night for his brother. He has to put on his best smile, his best crop top, and absolutely fill his head with overflowing energy and enthusiasm. He has to convince Jiang Cheng he’s fine. This isn’t about him, it’s about Jiang Cheng and making sure he has a good time. 

By the third bar, they are fairly drunk. Except for Wen Ning, he's their designated driver and impulse control. But everyone else is tipsy and loose-lipped. 

“Jiang-xiong,” Nie Huaisang slurred, “you never told us where you disappeared to at Wei-xiong’s birthday party.” 

Jiang Cheng downs a whiskey, exhaling a satisfied sigh. “Right, that.” He leans in and everyone around the table follows. The air in the middle of the buzzing bar stills and everyone quiets down. “I fucked Lan Xichen.” 

No !” 

“Dude, you did not!” 

“Fuck yeah!” Wen Qing high-fives Jiang Cheng. “You fucked a Lan, that’s some next level shit.” 

“You did not fuck Lan Xichen,” Wei Wuxian says. “Bitch, details.” 

While Jiang Cheng is trying to convince them that, yes, he did fuck their professor and did not pass out drunk in a random bathtub, Nie Huaisang nudges Wen Ning. “Speaking of Lans…” 

Lan Wangji walks into the bar, sits down at the quietest table in the loud bar, and orders a water. Seems about right. 

Wei Wuxian’s hand shoots up and he grins. “Lan-er-gege!” 

The sleek woman that is having a conversation with Lan Wangji flinches and glares at Wei Wuxian. He pays her no mind. 

Lan Wangji politely excuses himself and walks over to their table. “You’re drunk,” is the first thing he says once in earshot. 

“I’m not, I’m just a loud bitch.” Wei Wuxian’s jacket slips off his shoulder and he wriggles his eyebrows. 


“Bold of you to assume I have shame.” Jiang Cheng snorts at this, muttering an agreement. 


“Better,” Wei Wuxian grins and downs his margarita. “So what’s the great, 3-thousand-rule-abiding Lan Wangji doing at a bar? Oh, the scandal.” 

Lan Wangji shows the book in his hand. “Book Club.” His brows are slightly furrowed. He also does not know why they decided to host Book Club at a bar instead of their usual café. 

“Jazzy, how do I join?” 

Lan Wangji sighs and makes an attempt to leave. He doesn’t. “Aw, doesn't Lan-er-gege want to join us? We have whiskey,” Wei Wuxian gestures to the bottle Nie Huaisang bought, “I hope that’s fancy enough for you.” 

Deep down, Wei Wuxian wants Lan Wangji to stay. Fucking a Lan sounds great just about now. Burying his feelings and fucking someone he barely knows, showing up with hickies just to get under Xue Yang’s skin. It sounds fantastic, especially fantastic if that stranger is hot. 

Like Lan Wangji. 

To their surprise, Lan Wangji pulls up a chair and sits at the table. Wen Ning pours him a glass of whiskey out of respect but he rejects it. Everyone stares. 

“Uh, Lan-gongzi, what- oh,” Nie Huaisang cuts himself off and trembles in his seat. “A-Ning, take my wallet, I’ll need you to bail me out when I punch a bitch.” 

“Nie-xiong, don’t!” Wen Ning grabs his arm pleadingly, “just ignore him, he’s not doing anything.” 

Jiang Cheng huffs and pours himself a full-glass. “The fucking nerve,” and knocks it back, hand clenched tightly around the glass. 

Wei Wuxian simply looks down and hopes he doesn’t notice. 

But Xue Yang does notice, and he’s not with his new boyfriend, he’s with his group of shitty friends that bring out his absolute shitty behaviour and Wei Wuxian hates how powerless he feels. 

“Well, hello Xian-xian, how are you?” His voice is laced with honey and poison, Wei Wuxian feels sick. “And hello to you too, Lan-gongzi. You two still at it? I thought he would’ve gotten bored of you by now.” 


Lan Wangji calmly turns away from Xue Yang and orders a water. 

Xue Yang grinds his teeth and forces a smile. “I guess you’re keeping it interesting for the whore, huh? Who would’ve thought, the esteemed-” 

Jiang Cheng slams his glass onto the table and shoots up from his seat, taking a menacing step towards Xue Yang before Wei Wuxian stops him. “Bastard! Say that again, I dare you!” 

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian manages to say this softly, “let’s go. It’s your birthday, we’re bar-hopping, let’s just go to the next one.” 

Xue Yang laughs, piercing and harsh. “Run, I know you want to. Take your new toy with you while you do.” 

“Xue Yang-” 

Wei Wuxian swallows his words, deciding that it isn’t worth his time and energy. He has to be at his best for Jiang Cheng. 

“Look, the whore’s gone mute, all on his own!” 

Wei Wuxian’s legs buckle under him and what is holding Jiang Cheng turns into Jiang Cheng holding him. Despite popular belief, Wei Wuxian does have shame. This is not the agreement, he did not consent to this. He does not consent to this. 

“I know it’s only been a week, but do you still use the same rope?” Xue Yang’s smug grin is reflected on his friends’ faces, dark and daring. “Do you still like public sex? Is that what he’s here for?” 

Lan Wangji’s hand tightened around his glass. Wei Wuxian thinks he saw a vein pop at his temple, right under the pale, jade-like skin. 

Wei Wuxian glares at Xue Yang and has half a mind to punch him, kick him in the balls, do something , hurt Xue Yang like Xue Yang hurt him. Instead, Wei Wuxian just shakes and blinks away the tears in his eyes. 

“Are you still using our vibrator?” 

“Okay,” a chair falls to the floor and Nie Huaisang throws his long sleeves up his arms, “listen here bitch, I’m gonna claw your eyes out and cut your tongue. Fucking try me, you motherfucking-” 

Several chairs fall to the floor. 

Wen Ning stands to stop Nie Huaisang and Wen Qing stands to stop Wen Ning from doing that. Lan Wangji stands, kicks the chair aside, and grabs Xue Yang by the collar while he’s still distracted by the trio’s antics. 

Wei Wuxian has never seen Xue Yang’s grin dissolve so quickly. 

His first instinct is to save their bottle of whiskey before Lan Wangji pins Xue Yang to their table, earning a gasp from said bastard. “S- Shit…” Xue Yang winced at the hard surface hitting his back. 

His friends try to remove Lan Wangji, but he is set in stone, unmoving and unwavering. 

People are looking now, curious about the commotion. Wei Wuxian wants to dissolve into the shadows and Jiang Cheng does the best he can, hiding Wei Wuxian’s cowering body behind him. 

Xue Yang forced another grin. “Well, I heard the Lans have great arm strength, but this is ridiculous. Do you go to the gym, or does he make you fuck his dead weight against walls-” 


“I’m… sorry?” 

Lan Wangji lifts him, then slams him back down. Xue Yang grunts. “Apologise, now ,” Lan Wangji threatens, voice low and dangerous like a chain on the brink of snapping. 

Xue Yang laughs with all the wit he has left, which is not much. “Apologise? Did I say anything wrong? All I said was the truth.” 

“It may be the truth, but it was not yours to tell.” 

Wei Wuxian is swooning. Wei Wuxian, a whole 25-year-old man, is swooning. 

“Look at him!” Xue Yang shouts, dangerously defensive. “He’s a whore! He’ll fuck anyone if they have a cute enough dick.” 

Wei Wuxian self-consciously pulls his crop top lower, although it doesn’t cover anything past the chest. Lan Wangji stares and Wei Wuxian is afraid he’s actually taking Xue Yang seriously. Afterall, he doesn’t know the man well enough to know how his robotic brain works. 

“‘Adultery is forbidden’.” Plain and simple words, but they drain the colour from Xue Yang’s face. “According to your logic, since you were the one who committed adultery, does that mean you are the whore?” 

Xue Yang’s next tactic is to try to divert the attention, which works just about as great as his last few attempts. “Look at you, the esteemed Hanguang-jun, pinning a man against a table. Are you going to punch me? Is the great Hanguang-jun going to hit someone?” 

Lan Wangji easily lets him go and steps away, glaring. “You’re beneath me.” 

Xue Yang scrambles off the table and storms off with rushed steps, hurriedly leaving all the while muttering about ‘crazy bitches’. His friends follow suit. Lan Wangji straightens his chair and sits back down. The people in the bar slowly look away. 

They look back when Nie Huaisang explodes into cheers. Wen Ning flashes Lan Wangji a thumbs-up and very impressed raised eyebrows. “Lan-gongzi, that was epic! That was fucking nuts !” 

“Nie-gongzi, please calm down.” 

Nie Huaisang dissolves in his seat. “Oh my god, please fuck me,” he breaths. Wen Qing smacks him. He deserves it. 

Lan Wangji doesn’t flinch. 

Wei Wuxian has to turn away from the table to take a few steadying breaths. Xue Yang takes low blows but that one went straight to hell and back. Jiang Cheng awkwardly pats his shoulder in a very Jiang Cheng attempt to comfort him. 

While Wei Wuxian calms himself, Wen Ning pours him a whiskey. Lan Wangji takes it - before the thanks even makes it out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth - and knocks it back. 

“Hey, that’s mine,” Wei Wuxian pouts, but Wen Ning is quick to pour him another. “Lan ‘Alcohol is Forbidden’ Wangji, what is up with you today?” 

Lan Wangji is hit by the burn going down his throat and hissed, face contorted in pain. He then drinks his water instead. 

“Yeah, it burns, doesn’t it?” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

“Xue Yang really brings out the worst of us,” Nie Huaisang sighs, “I was ready to throw hands.” 

“And I love you for that,” Wei Wuxian says, placing a soft pat on his hand. “Now, we’re not gonna let a stupid bitch stop us from throwing Jiang Cheng the best fucking birthday ever, so let’s finish this whiskey and go to the next bar.” 

They raise their glasses and prepare to toast. “Hey Lan-gege-” Lan Wangji has his head on the table, in a half-bow. Wei Wuxian nudges him. “No fucking way.” 

Nie Huaisang bursts out into eye-crinkling laughter. “Lan Wangji is drunk! After one glass of whiskey!” 

“No way,” Wen Ning carefully places a hand on his shoulder. No reaction. 

Wei Wuxian takes initiative and shakes him. “Hey, Lan-gege, don’t die on me.” 

“Mnn,” Lan Wangji slurs, turning his head to peer at Wei Wuxian. His forehead is still on the table, head bobbing like it’s too heavy for Lan Wangji to lift. 

“Oh my god he’s so fucking drunk,” Jiang Cheng says. 

There is a silence, where the noise of the bar wash over them like cold sweat over fear. “So… what do we do now?” 

“Right,” Wei Wuxian scratches his nose while he comes up with a plan that involves both getting Lan Wangji home and still making sure Jiang Cheng has a good night. “I know his house, I’ll take him home. You guys continue without me.” 

Surprisingly, everyone mutters an ‘okay’ and starts shuffling towards the doors. 

“Y’all think we’re gonna fuck, don’t you?” Again, a murmur of ‘yeah’ echoes through the crowd. “Fuck you guys, he’s drunk.” 

“You call him Lan-gege,” Nie Huaisang points out. 

“Are you jealous, Nie-gege?” Wei Wuxian asks. 

“No, stop, never call me that.” 

Satisfied, Wei Wuxian throws Lan Wangji’s arm over his shoulder and coaxes him into standing. “C’mon Lan-gege, we’re gonna go home, back to your very comfy bed. Would you like that?” 


“Good, just put one foot in front of the other- there you go! Good job.” 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji stumble out of the bar and he calls a Didi for them. Once in the car, Wei Wuxian notices. 

“Ah, Lan Wangji, your forehead ribbon is crooked,” Wei Wuxian reaches for it but Lan Wangji smacks his hand away. “Hey, I’m trying to help.” 

“You’re not my parents nor wife, you’re not allowed to touch it.” Lan Wangji glares at him before checking his reflection in the window and fixing his ribbon. 

Wei Wuxian blinks. “You’re gonna get a wife?” 

“That’s how the saying goes,” Lan Wangji says simply. Then he scoffs, “wife, ridiculous.” 

Wei Wuxian snorts. “Yeah, ridiculous.” Lan Wangji is making it worse but Wei Wuxian doesn’t say anything. He lets him deem his forehead ribbon neat and sit back, straight and sober-like if not for his unfocused eyes. Adorable. 

With great difficulty, Wei Wuxian hauls Lan Wangji up to his condominium unit, because apparently drunk Lan Wangji likes to play with buttons. Wei Wuxian has to smack him a few times before he stops and pouts. 

Ringing the doorbell, and not getting an answer, Wei Wuxian sighs and resigns to his fate. “Okay Lan-gege, I need you to focus. What is your pass code?” 


“I’m starting to think you do that to avoid questions.” 

Wei Wuxian stares at the number pad, as if it would make the pass code mysteriously appear. Lan Wangji stares too, over his shoulder. “It’s my birthday.” 


Lan Wangji points at the number pad. “My birthday.” 

“Great,” Wei Wuxian picked a horrible day to wear stilettos, “when’s your birthday?” Lan Wangji pouts and looks away. Then, he starts stumbling down the hallway, as best as he can, away from the condominium unit. “H- Hey! Where are you going? I thought you were gonna tell me the pass code?” 

Lan Wangji doesn’t look back. A good horse doesn’t eat the grass behind it. 


Wei Wuxian has never been happy to see Lan Xichen, but he is almost relieved when the professor pops up with arms full of groceries. “Prof Lan! Lan Wangji got drunk and- oh my god, come back, I can’t chase you in these!” 

Wei Wuxian catches Lan Wangji’s wrist and drags him back, very aware that Lan Xichen’s surprised eyes are looking him up and down, from crop top to hot pants. “Please open the door, Prof Lan.” 

“R- Right, I’ll do that.” 

Lan Wangji unwillingly stumbles into the condominium unit, lips seemingly set in a permanent pout. He drops onto his butt in the doorway and starts untying his sneakers in a very childlike manner, getting frustrated as his fingers are not steady. 

“How much did he drink?” 

Wei Wuxian shrugs. “A glass of whiskey.” 

Lan Xichen nods and heads into the dark apartment to turn on the lights, not even surprised. Wei Wuxian takes off his stilettos and proceeds to drag Lan Wangji into his room. 

“C’mon, you’re gonna go to sleep and I’m gonna go home, also to sleep.” 

Lan Wangji stubbornly refuses to step even near his bed. 

Lan Xichen pops his head into the room when the sounds of despair (read: Wei Wuxian’s) reach the kitchen. “He’ll want to brush his teeth first.” 

Lan Wangji nods at his brother’s words and stumbles towards the bathroom. Work done, Lan Xichen pops right out, leaving Wei Wuxian to fend for himself. “Oh my god, Prof Lan is a bitch,” Wei Wuxian whispers. 

So Wei Wuxian waits while Lan Wangji washes up. 


Impulse Control

are you guys having fun?           

i bet yall are having a butt load of fun while i drag lan wangji up 49 floor          

           Jiang-xiong did body shots off me


          Jie convinced Nie-xiong to make out with this stranger they picked up

uh, lucky          

the stranger not nie huaisang          

          But the stranger was hot

make sure he doesn’t puke into his mouth like last time          


Wei Wuxian looks up from his phone when Lan Wangji exits the bathroom, shirt front-side back. Wei Wuxian snorts but manages to swallow the rest of his giggles. “Lan-gege, your shirt is backwards.” 

Lan Wangji clumsily checks the inside of the collar. After double checking that, yes, he did wear his shirt backwards, yes, he does look like an idiot, he proceeds to pull it off. 

“Hey hey, I’m still here!” 

Wei Wuxian is okay with nudity. He, however, is not okay with Lan Wangji’s nudity. Wei Wuxian covers his eyes with his hands. When he peeks through them, Lan Wangji is trying to put on the shirt inside-out. 

Drunk Lan Wangji is a child, pass it on. 

“Here,” Wei Wuxian sighs and stands up to help by taking Lan Wangji’s shirt and holding the collar wide for him to pass his head through. “Good job! Now, arm.” 

Slowly Lan Wangji puts on his shirt the right way. 

“Okay, do you want to sleep now?” Lan Wangji shakes his head. Wei Wuxian sighs. “Well, what do you want to do? Meditate? Tea?” 

Lan Wangji throws open his closet doors and brings out a guqin. He sits in the middle of the floor and starts plucking the strings experimentally, like he is just discovering this strange instrument for the first time. 

“You have the weirdest sleep routine ever, I do not accept arguments.” 

Lan Wangji makes a few rounds of plucking a string and listening to it quiet down, then another. Finally, he starts playing. While he’s playing a traditional song that Wei Wuxian vaguely recognises, Wei Wuxian notices the lonely grand piano sitting next to him. 

“Aren’t you gonna play that?” Wei Wuxian points at the grand piano, and Lan Wangji stubbornly refuses to even look at it. “What? Did the piano bully you?” 

“I don’t like piano.” 

Wei Wuxian shrugs and continues listening to Lan Wangji play his guqin. 

Lan Wangji’s skillful fingers dance over the strong guqin strings, even without the finger picks, he doesn’t flinch. Wei Wuxian figures it’s because he’s used to the torture that is playing a string instrument. The fingers loose skin and bleed and regrow calluses. If you’re hurt enough times, it stops hurting. 

Lan Wangji plays a final note and Wei Wuxian claps. 

He keeps his guqin away and sits beside Wei Wuxian on the bed. “Lan Wangji, are you ready to go to sleep now?” 

“Lan Zhan.” 

Wei Wuxian looks up at Lan Wangji in confusion. “Huh?” 

Lan Wangji looks back, eyes steely and gaze unwavering. “My name is Lan Zhan.” 

Wei Wuxian nods, still slightly confused but okay, he can deal with this. “Lan Zhan, you wanna go to sleep now?” 

Lan Wangji nods but doesn’t make any movement to lay down. They stare back at each other in almost comfortable silence. If Wei Wuxian lets himself, he could easily spend hours staring at Lan Wangji’s eyes. 

“You should go to sleep.” Wei Wuxian gives his shoulder a firm pat and stands up. He and Lan Wangji are bros, at best. At worst, he’s an annoyance to Lan Wangji. Which wouldn’t be surprising, at least not to Wei Wuxian. 

“Stay with me.” 

Lan Wangji’s fingers clutch onto Wei Wuxian’s sleeve, gently stopping him from leaving. 

“I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian chuckles nervously, “I must’ve misheard you, did you say-” 

“Stay with me,” Lan Wangji repeats, “please.” 

Wei Wuxian wants

“B- Bro,” Wei Wuxian thinks calling him ‘bro’ would lessen the sexual tension in the room, it does not, “I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not gonna-” 


He’s pouting . Oh my fucking god, he’s pouting. Wei Wuxian climbs into the comfy bed and lays stiffly beside Lan Wangji. 

Finally - finally - Lan Wangji switches off the lights, lays down, and pulls the covers over them both, tugging it to their chins. He folds his hands neatly on his stomach and promptly goes the fuck to sleep. Wei Wuxian squints at the darkness, hoping to catch sight of the cord that connected Lan Wangji’s battery to the socket in the wall because who sleeps like that? 

The much more expensive bed and soft covers lulls Wei Wuxian to sleep, slowly but surely. His last thought is about how Jiang Cheng’s night went and if he’s drunk and happy. The comfortable weight on his waist and warm breath across his cheek haunt his dreams. 

When Wei Wuxian wakes up, the sun has barely risen. Wei Wuxian blames the unfamiliar environment he finds himself in. Even though he knows where the bathroom is. 

Wei Wuxian squints at the sharp orange light seeping through the curtains and checks his phone. Half-past 7 with several pictures of Jiang Cheng being a drunk idiot (read: blackmail material). Wei Wuxian cracks a smile. This early in the morning, there should be nothing to smile about, but Jiang Cheng always surprises him. 

There is a shift next to him and when Wei Wuxian turns to it, a loud crash is heard throughout the room. 

“Lan Zhan! Are you okay?” 

Wei Wuxian looks over the edge of the bed and finds Lan Wangji sprawled on the floor, long legs entangled in sheets. 

“Mn,” Lan Wangji grunts. 

Wei Wuxian watches Lan Wangji struggle for a moment, mostly for his own entertainment. “Are you hungover?” Lan Wangji halts his movements, before nodding. “Do you need help?” Lan Wangji shakes his head and continues tugging at the sheets. “You sure?” Lan Wangji nods. He’s come a long way already, stubbornly standing up in an attempt to hoist himself back onto his bed. “Okay then, were you hugging me in your sleep?” 

Lan Wangji slips and falls. Another crash. 

A knock comes at the door. “I know I’m not supposed to interrupt but I heard crashing. Are you two okay?” 

“Uh, sure?” 

“I’m coming in. Is everyone decent?” Even without an answer, Lan Xichen enters anyways. “Wangji, are you okay?” Lan Wangji nods. “Here, let me.” 

Wei Wuxian watches Lan Xichen untangle Lan Wangji from his trap of bed sheets while the victim makes sounds of protest. Eventually, he does escape from the entanglement. 

“You should’ve just let me help you.” Lan Wangji lets out the last sound of protest and makes his way to the bathroom. “Don’t ignore me Lan Zhan!” 

Lan Wangji slams the bathroom door behind him. 

Wei Wuxian pouts. “Prof Lan, you should teach your brother some manners. How rude.” 

“Of course, of course,” Lan Xichen mutters, “what did you call him again?” 

“Huh? Lan Zhan?” 

Lan Xichen stiffens and smiles warmly, the absolute warmest. “Do you want some makeup remover, Wei-gongzi?” 

“Yes please!” 

Wei Wuxian follows Lan Xichen out and into his room. Lan Xichen’s room is as clean and tidy as Lan Wangji’s, but looks more lived-in. Different incenses line his desk, stacks of marked homework left neatly on the nightstand, and several traditional ink paintings hang parallel to each other. Compared to Lan Xichen’s room, Lan Wangji’s room looks empty. Well, even emptier than what Wei Wuxian previously thought. 

“Thank you!” Wei Wuxian gratefully takes the makeup remover from Lan Xichen. “Can I use the other bathroom? I think I saw-” 

Wei Wuxian stops himself, and tries to disappear. Maybe if he stood still enough, he would appear invisible. It doesn’t work. 

“Wei-gongzi, what’s wrong?” 

Lan Qiren hears Lan Xichen and turns. They meet eyes. 

Wei Wuxian isn’t sure about who screamed first, it could be anyone’s game. But he ducks behind Lan Xichen before Lan Qiren could poke his eye out with his finger-pointing. 

“You! Why are you in my home?” 


“Prof Lan, you live with Lan Qiren? Why didn’t you tell me?!” 


Lan Xichen is pushed around by the two; Lan Qiren trying to get him out of the way while Wei Wuxian tries to keep him in the way. The poor professor is just holding his hands up in an attempt to calm them both. It does not work. 

Wei Wuxian knows Lan Qiren does not like him. Lan Xichen knows Lan Qiren does not like him. Jiang Cheng knows Lan Qiren doesn’t like him. Everyone knows Lan Qiren does not like Wei Wuxian. 

Lan Qiren is the chairman of the Gusu Lan Group and has had too many unpleasant encounters with Wei Wuxian to keep count. Lan Qiren likes to visit his university, make sure everything is up to par. Wei Wuxian is never up to par, I do not need to elaborate further. Crop top, hot pants, and smoky eyeshadow are definitely not up to par. 

The weird chase of cat and mouse is only stopped when interrupted by a half-naked Lan Wangji. 

He rushes in, towel still in hand, takes in the 3 people staring at him, and drags Wei Wuxian out of there by his shoulders. Lan Wangji pushes him back into his room and shuts the door behind them. 

“They definitely think we’re fucking.” 

This time, Lan Wangji just shrugs. “I heard screaming.” 

“Yeah, that was him, not me.” 

Lan Wangji gives a non-committal, “Mn,” and disappears back into the bathroom. He reappears with a shirt, because rock-hard abs apparently need to be hidden away like treasure in a sealed-up cave. 

“You should take off your shirt more.” 

It doesn’t matter how hard Lan Wangji tries to get used to Wei Wuxian’s comments, he can still make him splutter.

Nie Mingjue is an intimidating man. 

Being rich and 6-feet-tall does that to you. 

After the birthday fiasco, the New Year party that Nie Huaisang hosts every year has to be supervised by this JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures of a man. No drugs, limited amount of wine, and the rest is beer. At least it’s good beer. 

As for the basement, completely off-limits because someone had sex in there during Wei Wuxian’s birthday party and Nie Mingjue had to get someone to scrub the cum off the walls. By someone, I mean a lot of people. Like a shit ton. They all thought they could get away with it. 

Wei Wuxian nervously shakes his hand. “Happy New Year’s Eve, Nie-dage.” 

Nie Mingjue glares down at him. Wei Wuxian thinks it’s his eyebrows, but he's constantly under the impression that Nie Mingjue is going to explode with untamed rage. “Happy New Year’s Eve, Wei-gongzi.” 

Wei Wuxian hurriedly scurries past him and into the mansion. 

“Wei-xiong!” Wei Wuxian is immediately met with a drunk Nie Huaisang. “Dage is being a killjoy! He didn’t even let hot pizza delivery guy in.” 

“Nie Huaisang, do you even know his name?” 

“No, but he’s pretty good at sucking dick.” 

“Alright, how about we-” Wei Wuxian snatches the cup away from Nie Huaisang, “-there, now you can go sit down and I can get you a cup a water, okay?” 

Nie Huaisang sighs and plops onto his couch, somehow resembling a deflated Mickey Mouse balloon. 

Wei Wuxian weaves his way through the quickly growing crowd and makes his familiar way to the kitchen. It is quite crowded with the newly arrived guests getting booze, but the water dispenser line is empty. 

The water is quick work and Wei Wuxian prepares himself to get back to Nie Huaisang on the other side of the crowd. “Lan Zhan?” 

Lan Wangji gives him a nod, and reaches past him to fill up his cup with water. 

“I, uh, didn’t know you were coming.” 

Lan Wangji gestures to his left. The object of his gesturing pounces on Wei Wuxian before he could make out the face from many faces. 

“Wei-gongzi!” Wei Wuxian almost spills his water from how hard Lan Xichen threw himself at him. “Isn’t this exciting? There’s so many people here! Is Wanyin coming?” 

“Oh my god he’s drunk, he’s so drunk, how did he get this drunk Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian steadies Lan Xichen with an arm around his waist and Lan Xichen takes it as an invitation to lean his entire weight onto Wei Wuxian. “Oh no, he’s heavy .” 

Lan Wangji removes Wei Wuxian’s hand from Lan Xichen’s waist and replaces him with his own cup of water. Now both hands free, Lan Wangji throws his brother’s arm over his shoulder and hauls him out. 

“Wangji, the music is so festive!” Bitch Boss by Doja Cat is blaring through the speakers. “Where’s Dage? I wanna see him!” 


Lan Xichen is eventually deposited next to Nie Huaisang on the couch and Wei Wuxian hands them both a cup of water. “I applaud you two for being able to get this drunk this quickly.” 

"I had two drinks!" Lan Xichen holds up a proud peace sign in Wei Wuxian's face. "Dage!" 

Nie Mingjue grunts in a reply. "Lan Huan, what even the fuck?" 

"I had two drinks!" 

Nie Mingjue pinches the bridge of his nose and lets Lan Xichen hang off his arm, not unlike a koala. "Who the fuck let you drink?" 

"It smelled nice!" 

"Of course it did." 

Lan Xichen leans closer to Wei Wuxian. "Wei-gongzi, I love your dress! It's so shiny!" 

Wei Wuxian is wearing a shiny, spaghetti strap dress with scratchy glitter, the cheap kind you'd find in a forgotten corner in a thrift store. Wei Wuxian pulls it off because, duh. 

"Uh, thanks?" 


Lan Xichen throws himself at - no, not Jiang Cheng - Wen Ning and the poor boy almost has a heart attack. 

Wen Ning screams. "Wei-xiong, why is Professor Lan hugging me?" 

Lan Wangji taps his brother's shoulder. Once Lan Xichen looks up, Lan Wangji points him at the right confused student. 

"Wanyin!" Lan Xichen lets Wen Ning go and hugs Jiang Cheng instead. "Fuck me." 

Wen Ning has something close to a stroke. 

Jiang Cheng blinks. "Uh, sure?" 

"Yay!" Lan Xichen cheers. "Dage, do you want to join? It'll be like old-" 

Nie Mingjue clamps a hand on Lan Xichen's mouth and gives him a warning glower. According to Lan Xichen's ever-present smile, it doesn't work. 

"Dage, you had sex with Prof Lan?!" 

Lan Xichen is quick to answer Nie Huaisang's question. He bravely yanks Nie Mingjue's hand off his mouth. "We used to have orgies with A-Yao!" 


Nie Mingjue clamps Nie Huaisang's mouth. "Jiang-gongzi, take him." 

Jiang Cheng leads Lan Xichen - who is pressing his body so close to Jiang Cheng that Wei Wuxian is sure he has a boner - away, probably to a room. 

"Oh my god Prof Lan is a horny bitch," Wei Wuxian whispers, to no one in particular. 

"Dage, I need answers!" 

Nie Mingjue shoves Nie Huaisang back onto the couch when he attempts to stand. "You need to sober up." 

"Sober is for the weak." 

Nie Mingjue, already all out of fucks this early into the night, lets Nie Huaisang pester him back to the front door with his very specific questions. 

Wei Wuxian meets eyes with Wen Ning and the boy jumps. "I- uh, I'll go find Jie." 

"Wen Ning, we're not gonna start making out." 

"You don't know that!" Distressed and plain stressed, Wen Ning cops the fuck out. 

“Well,” Wei Wuxian turns to Lan Wangji, “this is a fortunate turn of events. I mean, who doesn’t like to be left alone with a hot guy?” 

At this point, Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what Lan Wangji’s nod means. 

The party grows, as it does, as it nears midnight. Wei Wuxian dances and screams lyrics to vaguely familiar pop songs with the ever-so loud crowd. He talks, mingles, makes out with a few people before deeming it too crowded to continue. Wei Wuxian doesn’t drink all that much, mainly because he wants to be sober when he gets some dick. The blaring music slowly turns into an annoying throb in his left temple, squishing his brain around in its hot, sweaty cage. 

Wei Wuxian vaguely thinks to find a bathroom. An unoccupied one. 

The warm reds of the lights fade into cool blue as Wei Wuxian shoves his way out of a crowd and shuts the bathroom door behind him with a loud slam. He throws open the tap and splashes cold water onto his face, rubbing the makeup off his face with the makeup wipes in his purse. 

He hears a sound and jumps. 

Lan Wangji - the whole thing - is in the bathtub, shooting straight up as if he wasn’t laying in there like a handsome corpse the second before. He has a cup in one hand and a popsicle in the other. The whole image is weirdly funny to Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji, a man of straight lines and perfect pie charts, laying in a place not meant to be laid and holding some really out of place things, because one thing that Lan Wangji has always excelled in is fitting into the tight molds lined by rules and regulations. 

“Oh my god I was about to have a heart attack.” 

Lan Wangji shakes his head in an apology. That’s when Wei Wuxian decides, fuck it. 

“Okay, make way,” Wei Wuxian takes off his heels and chucks them God knows where, before climbing into the bathtub. The cold of the porcelain makes the bare skin of his back exhale in relief. 

Wei Wuxian sighs and closes his eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

Wei Wuxian peeks at Lan Wangji, sitting across from him and legs tangled with his because the bathtub is not made to fit two adult men, and sits a bit straighter. “I’m fine. There’s too many people out there, too hot.” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

“I’m guessing you’ve been here since Prof Lan left you for Jiang Cheng.” 

Lan Wangji nods again, taking a sip from his cup. 

Wei Wuxian recounts the two times he’s seen Lan Wangji get taken out of his normal habitat and put into a hostile environment (read: party). Both times, he surrenders quickly and finds a safe haven away from the noise and crowd. 

“Lan Zhan, has anyone ever told you that you’re like a bunny?” 

Lan Wangji makes a face, like he’s never heard anything more revolting. By face I mean the edge of his lips twitch downwards, slightly. 

“No, then.” 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji sit in the bathtub, the numb thumping of EDM feeling distant to them through the fairly thick door. 

“Lan Zhan, do you want to have sex?” 

His eyes widen slightly, and he retracts his legs to put distance between them. It’s not a lot of distance, but at least his legs aren’t touching Wei Wuxian’s bare ones anymore. Wei Wuxian doesn’t react. 

“It’s fine, just say no. I’m not gonna do anything.” 

Lan Wangji’s fingers place the cup down and find their way to the hem of his button-down, because only Lan Wangji would wear a button-down to a frat party. He fidgets with it. He really fidgets with it and it’s the most improper thing Wei Wuxian has ever seen him do (besides the whole laying-in-a-random-bathtub thing, of course). 

“I- I do,” Lan Wangji says quietly. Even with the music muffled by the door, Wei Wuxian could’ve missed him if he isn’t intently listening to the sound of Lan Wangji’s breathing. 

“Don’t force yourself,” Wei Wuxian says, “it won’t be fun for either of us.” 

Lan Wangji’s popsicle drips onto the bathroom floor as he ponders over the idea. His tongue darts out to wet his lip. “Yes, I want to have sex with you, Wei Wuxian.” 

Wei Wuxian takes the popsicle. “Name’s Wei Ying, if you wanna call me that.” 

“Wei Ying.” 

Wei Wuxian licks the popsicle, taking his time to slurp up the red liquid and taking it into his mouth. He watches Lan Wangji’s eyes follow his tongue. 


It’s only a breath, but Wei Wuxian keens at the way Lan Wangji’s voice lowers. 

The popsicle finally - finally - melts completely in his mouth and he swallows. Lan Wangji watches, licking his lips. 

The stick is thrown somewhere, probably with Wei Wuxian’s heels, and Wei Wuxian runs a curious hand up Lan Wangji’s crotch. He shivers. 

“Um,” Lan Wangji shutters and Wei Wuxian feels a sense of pride swelling up in his chest, “no penetrating, I- I don’t-” 

“Okay,” Wei Wuxian cuts him off, already undoing his fly and reaching into his boxers, “it’s okay.” 

Lan Wangji covers his mouth in an attempt to muffle his moans, but it doesn’t work. Wei Wuxian’s free hand palms upwards, from his knee to his inner thigh, absolutely wrecking Lan Wangji’s self control. 

Wei Wuxian pulls Lan Wangji’s dick out of his boxers and strokes. Up, down, up, down… Lan Wangji bucks involuntarily, even though he’s trying not to move. His hand awkwardly sits on Wei Wuxian’s waist, tightening ever so slightly when Wei Wuxian does something right , like run his thumb across the slit, dip into it, tighten and release. 

“W- Wei Ying…” Lan Wangji moans his name, and Wei Wuxian wants

“You can go under my skirt,” Wei Wuxian prompts him, encourages him. He truly believes that if Lan Wangji lets go of all his self-restraints he could fuck Wei Wuxian right to heaven. 

Lan Wangji listens and dips his hand under Wei Wuxian’s skirt, then into his panties. 

“Oh fuck,” Wei Wuxian moans when Lan Wangji’s finger brushes his entrance. 

Wei Wuxian crawls closer and straddles Lan Wangji’s hips. Now that they’re sharing the same air, Wei Wuxian can smell the familiar tea scent on him and the sickeningly sweet popsicle on his tongue. Wei Wuxian is sure he smells the same. 

The crowd outside seems to get louder, and Wei Wuxian knows why. 


Lan Wangji clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in mild annoyance and pulls Wei Wuxian closer by his ass. 


His free hand moves, and he pulls Wei Wuxian’s dick out of his panties. “May I?” Wei Wuxian nods. 

There’s a poetic element in the way Lan Wangji’s hand wraps around both their dicks and strokes. Maybe his hand is just ridiculously large, or it’s the pretty veins that dance across his skin when he holds himself back. The veins let Wei Wuxian know that Lan Wangji wants this as much as he does. 


His hand speeds up, and Wei Wuxian is panting. “Lan- Ah, Lan-gege .” Lan Wangji grunts and buries his face in the crook of Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. His spaghetti straps are falling off, but it doesn’t matter. Lan Wangji’s tongue licks a strip up his neck, Wei Wuxian throws his head back. 


“Lan-gege, Lan-gege, I’m gonna cum,” Wei Wuxian moans, voice a pitch too high, “you can’t do this, you can’t make me cum so quick- ah, ah .” 

Who would know Lan Wangji is a great copy-cat? He swipes his thumb over their heads and rubs Wei Wuxian’s tip. Wei Wuxian cums a little. 


Wei Wuxian steadies himself with a grip on Lan Wangji’s shoulder, now rocking in rhythm with his strokes. He bites his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the embarrassing moans slipping, the oh-so delicious sounds. 

“Wei Ying.” He keens. 


“L- Shit, shit.” Wei Wuxian gasps a little, Lan Wangji’s hot breath on his ear not helping. “Lan Zhan, oh Lan Zhan, you- shit.” Wei Wuxian has a hard think about when was the last time he had sex. 3 months ago. 

When was the last time he had good sex? 


When was the last time sex made his head spin as fast as his heart ran? When was the last time sex made him talk incoherently instead of talk dirty? When was the last time sex made him want

“May I kiss you?” Lan Wangji asks. 

Wei Wuxian has the answer to that question. 


“Yes, god, g- god yes.” Lan Wangji lifts his head and Wei Wuxian cradles his cheek, pressing their foreheads together as his hand works wonders. The wet sounds from their precum makes the act ever the more lewd. “Kiss me.” 


Lan Wangji kisses him. 

Softly; the first kiss is a soft press of lips. The second harder. The third hungry. 

Lan Wangji’s tongue licks into his mouth and Wei Wuxian cums, dirtying their clothes. He moans as he cums, loud and needy. Wei Wuxian’s eager tongue doesn’t care, it wants more. It swipes across the roof of Lan Wangji’s mouth and goes deeper. Wei Wuxian is gripping Lan Wangji’s shirt too tightly. 


Lan Wangji cums with a low growl. It goes straight to the pit of Wei Wuxian’s stomach; it goes deeper. Lan Wangji kisses him with a bottomless hunger, fiery desire. It lights Wei Wuxian’s skin on fire. 

His hand slows and they part with a wet sound. The saliva dripping from the corner of Lan Wangji’s mouth is lewd, and Wei Wuxian licks it clean. 

“Happy New Year,” Wei Wuxian says breathlessly, “Lan Zhan.” 

Lan Wangji brushes Wei Wuxian’s bangs behind his ears, touches so soft it gives him whiplash. “Happy New Year, Wei Ying.” 

The air in the bathroom stills and for a moment, Wei Wuxian can’t even hear the large crowd outside. He looks into Lan Wangji’s eyes in post-orgasm bliss and he feels himself drown in the liquid gold. 

The door creaks and opens. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji whip their heads towards it like deer caught in headlights and Wei Wuxian is mortified when Wen Ning pokes his head in. 

Well, so is Wen Ning. Mortified, that is. 

His face pales and he squeaks. The door slams shut but it’s all too late. Wen Ning saw them together in a bathtub, dicks out, and Lan Wangji’s hand covered in cum. 

“Shit.” Lan Wangji pecks his lips. “Not helpful.” 


Lan Wangji is always aesthetically pleasing. 

Where, how, and when isn’t important, but he is. Wei Wuxian realizes this when he sees Lan Wangji among the crowd of university students rushing home for Lunar New Year, bumping and shoving their way down the dorm buildings and towards the gate. He’s there with Lan Xichen, having ended the closing ceremony and wishing the students good wishes. Mostly Lan Xichen is vocalising the wishing part, Lan Wangji is standing and staring, bowing once in a while. He’s wearing a white jacket that blends seamlessly into the background of flowing snowflakes. 

“Lan Zhan!” 

Lan Wangji jumps and whips his head towards the sound. He meets eyes with Wei Wuxian. 

Jiang Cheng gives his shoulder a shove. “Stop annoying him, he hates you.” 

“He doesn’t hate me,” Wei Wuxian pouts, “he has a different way of showing love, especially for me.” 

“Sure, whatever you say.” 

Lan Wangji glares when Wei Wuxian waves and winks, only proving Jiang Cheng’s point. At least, Jiang Cheng thinks he’s proving his point. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian bounces over with the last of the students, stopping in front of Lan Wangji and his frown. “We’re going drinking later, do you wanna come?” 

Jiang Cheng snorts. “Yeah right, I’m sure he has better things to do than hang out with you.” 

“I’ll come,” Lan Xichen says happily, “I can come to your place later.” Jiang Cheng splutters, face heating up at an alarming rate. “Oh, c’mon, you’ve already seen everything.” 

“Ew,” Wei Wuxian says, “gross, I live there too y’know.” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

“So, is that a yes?” 

Lan Wangji nods again. 

“Great, it’s gonna be at a club, no slacks, no button-ups, don’t be a stick in the mud, that is all, thank you, goodbye, see you soon.” Wei Wuxian finishes and blows Lan Wangji a kiss before skipping away in a very Wei Wuxian style. 

Nie Mingjue knows the owner of the nightclub they are about to enter. For reasons unknown to Wei Wuxian but he would really like to know said reasons. Due to that, Nie Huaisang has gotten them a VIP table with its own bar. 

“Lan Zhan!” Even halfway across the bar, crowded with screaming teenagers, Lan Wangji hears him. Maybe he’s looking for him too. 

Wei Wuxian watches as Lan Xichen politely shoves his way through the crowd while Lan Wangji walks along the path he has cleared. 

The table is on a platform, around 2 meters tall. You can see the rest of the dance floor from there, from the entrance to the main bar. You can also see most of the dancers on their stages, performing their routines. 

Yes, this is a strip club. No, Lan Wangji has no prior knowledge until he walks in and a woman shoves her boobs in his face. He swiftly avoids and half-runs after his brother. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian shouts again when the Lan brothers finally make it onto the platform. “Also, Prof Lan.” 


Lan Wangji nods as a greeting, but the pink tips of his ears give him away. “Wei Ying.” 

“There’re male dancers over there.” 

Lan Wangji looks in the exact opposite direction in which Wei Wuxian pointed in. Which is boobs. He sighs and sits down next to Wei Wuxian, training his eyes forward at Wen Ning, who becomes an unfortunate victim in this whole situation. 

Nie Mingjue is talking to the owner when Lan Xichen approaches them and greets the owner. Nie Huaisang makes it a point to get Wei Wuxian’s attention by shoving him almost all the way into Lan Wangji’s lap. 

“Dude, what-” 

“The owner’s name is Meng Yao.” Nie Huaisang says, like he’s announcing someone’s death. Probably his sanity’s. 

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow. “So?” 

“Meng Yao .” 

“...oh shit.” 

Nie Huaisang buries his face in his hands. “Both of them are cute, how did my brother have sex with either of them, much less both of them? At the same time?” 

“I don’t know dude, your brother has game. And, like, an eight pack. He could raw me.” 

The whole conversation almost ends up in a fight. Jiang Cheng has to separate them. Wei Wuxian’s valid point is that Nie Mingjue is hot. Nie Huaisang’s valid point is that he’s terrifying. 

Like most nights out with his friends, Wei Wuxian drinks and doesn’t get drunk. Wen Ning, however, does get drunk this time, so Lan Xichen has to step in as everyone’s impulse control and he’s significantly better than Wen Ning. He pulls Nie Huaisang away from the guy he’s making out with before he could puke. That’s a win in Wei Wuxian’s book. 

Once they’re drunk enough, Nie Huaisang comes up with a great idea. “Let’s dance!” 

Wei Wuxian giggles and lets himself be dragged up by his friend, stumbling down the steps to the dance floor. 

The crowd is just as sweaty and hot as any crowd, and Wei Wuxian lets it take him. He lets his body get hot as Nie Huaisang dances his cute dance and stumbles over himself. The lights in the club flicker on and off with the booming beat, but the screaming doesn’t turn off. It goes on like a neverending siren. 

At some point, Nie Huaisang is whisked back to the couch by Nie Mingjue, who scared a man or three when he dragged Nie Huaisang away from them. So Wei Wuxian is left with the three men and they’re getting a little close. Wei Wuxian is finding it a little hard to breath. 

“You wanna get out of here?” 

That pick-up line is so familiar, Wei Wuxian snorts. “No, not really.” 

One of the men takes his hand, not tightly but a little threateningly. Wei Wuxian can’t be bothered. 

Wei Wuxian sees a spot of white in the sea of vibrant colours and he squints. Lan Wangji is trying his hardest to make way through the crowd, but he gets stuck somewhere close to a stripper’s stage. Wei Wuxian sees his eyes widen in panic when the stripper takes off his pants and he snorts again. Adorable. 

“Sorry, I gotta take this.” Wei Wuxian takes his hand back and shoves past the guys trying to get in his pants. 

“You got a boyfriend?” 

“No, but I’ve got several idiots. This one’s gonna have a heart attack.” 

Lan Wangji thinks he hears his name being shouted, but he can’t be sure. A hand grabs his elbow and he feels his body being ripped away from the flow of the crowd. He pushes through the crowd and gasps when he resurfaces. 

“Hello idiot,” Wei Wuxian says, “why did you think it was a good idea to come down here when you have no prior experience in shoving?” 


“Okay, fine, don’t answer me.” Wei Wuxian begins pulling them back towards the platform. “For such a smart man, you can sure be an idiot sometimes.” 

Lan Wangji mumbles something in protest. 

“Speak up love, the music makes you sound mute.” 

“I was coming to get you.” Lan Wangji’s lips reappear beside his ear, hot breath making Wei Wuxian shiver. 

“And that’s adorable, who gave you permission to be this cute?” 

Lan Wangji shrugs. 

Wei Wuxian can’t see Lan Wangji behind him, but he’s sure if he stops walking, Lan Wangji’s body will be fully pressed against his. He tests out that theory. 

Lan Wangji takes a step too close and Wei Wuxian feels his toned torso through the fabric of his t-shirt. “Why did you stop?” It isn’t that Lan Wangji is speaking up, it’s just that his lips are fully pressed against Wei Wuxian’s ear now. 

“Just… wanted-” Wei Wuxian stops himself. Wanted you.  

Lan Wangji seems to understand anyway, wrapping an arm around Wei Wuxian like protection from the chaos around them. Weird, Wei Wuxian constantly puts himself in the midst of chaos yet he craves someone to protect him from it. 

“Lan Zhan-” 

“Wei Ying.” 

They’re close to the platform, close enough that it hides them from the people above them. Lan Wangji is almost as tall as the platform, and with a shift he’s caging Wei Wuxian against it with arms on either side of his head. 

“Wei Ying.” 

“Stop, stop being so cute about everything.” Wei Wuxian lands an empty slap on Lan Wangji’s chest. “You’re so adorable it actually hurts me.” 

A hand removes itself from the wall and slips around Wei Wuxian’s waist. “May I?” 

“You and your manners are gonna fucking kill me one day,” Wei Wuxian says. Then, he says quietly, but it doesn’t matter because Lan Wangji’s face is a breath away from his. “ Yes .” 

Lan Wangji’s slender fingers wrap around the outline of Wei Wuxian’s cock through his tight leather pants and Wei Wuxian feels the music around them emplify. He knows they’re in public, only the width of Lan Wangji’s torso shielding him from the outside world and Wei Wuxian’s heart picks up speed. 

“You’re excited.” It’s a statement, such a true statement. Wei Wuxian briefly wonders if Lan Wangji is close enough to hear his heartbeat over the booming trash on the speakers before being abruptly jerked out of his thoughts. Literally. 

Wei Wuxian moans when Lan Wangji strokes him through his pants, eyes fluttering and knees buckling. He feels Lan Wangji - in an attempt to keep him upright - slots a leg in between his and Wei Wuxian ruts against it, mewling right next to Lan Wangji’s ear. 

“Wei Ying.” Wei Wuxian manages a choked hum as a response. “Shh,” Lan Wangji shushes him, and holds two fingers against his lips as a warning. 

Wei Wuxian opens his mouth and licks them. 

Startled, Lan Wangji’s hand grinds to a halt and Wei Wuxian whines around his fingers. Lan Wangji presses his fingers against his tongue and unzips his pants. He stares, tongue darting out to lick his lips. 

Wei Wuxian is, once again, holding onto Lan Wangji by his shirt, clutched tightly in his fists. Although this time around, he’s sucking on Lan Wangji’s fingers and trying his best not to moan. 

The fingers press deeper and Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Wangji might have an oral fixation. That’s okay, because Wei Wuxian has a hand fetish and Lan Wangji is very much catering to it. 

Lan Wangji is staring at how Wei Wuxian’s tongue swirls around his fingers and drool slips out the edges of his mouth, and when Wei Wuxian moans just a little too loudly Lan Wangji jerks his leg. 

Wei Wuxian gasps, and he cums a little in Lan Wangji’s hand. 


Wei Wuxian decides that he likes the way Lan Wangji says it, deep and guttural like Wei Wuxian personally offended him with his inappropriate sexual displays. Except Lan Wangji is heavily involved in all of the public sexual displays, so he shouldn’t be complaining. 

Lan Wangji retrieves his fingers from his mouth and harshly tugs his pants lower. Wei Wuxian clings onto Lan Wangji as he presses a wet finger against his entrance, legs giving out complete. 

“Lan-gege, do you like this?” Wei Wuxian asks quietly, “Are you excited?” 

After a moment’s hesitation, Lan Wangji nods and pushes his finger in. 

Wei Wuxian’s face is not blocked by Lan Wangji’s towering figure, and his jaw drops onto Lan Wangji’s shoulder as the finger slips up to the knuckle. “Lan-gege, you’re so bad, you’re gonna make me cum. Lan-gege, Lan- ah, ah… ” 

Lan Wangji pumps his fingers in and out in sync with his strokes around Wei Wuxian’s dick. Wei Wuxian lets out a breathy moan at every thrust, now without Lan Wangji’s fingers to silence him. 

Wei Wuxian feels a second finger and he tightens his hold on Lan Wangji’s poor shirt. Wei Wuxian considers it punishment for covering up Lan Wangji’s abs. “Lan-gege, don’t, if- fuck, if you do that, I’ll- I’ll-” 

Wei Wuxian cums messily in Lan Wangji’s hand as the second finger pushes in. 

“Fuck, Lan Z- Zhan, fuck, ah .” 

“Are you okay?” 

Wei Wuxian nods vigorously. “Yes, yes please, don’t fucking stop. My god, don’t stop.” 

After his first orgasm, Wei Wuxian is very sensitive and hyper-aware. He feels Lan Wangji’s fingers dragging - almost painfully - inside him, his hand still moving up and down his cock, and all the drunk passerbys walking past them, oblivious to everything that’s going on against that goddamn platform’s wall. 

When Lan Wangji presses a third finger in, Wei Wuxian arches beautifully against him, adding to the friction against Lan Wangji’s dirtied leg. Wei Wuxian is sure he’s too loud, but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment. He’s too preoccupied chasing the bliss he can only get when Lan Wangji’s touching him. 

Therefore, Wei Wuxian takes a moment to realize someone a distance away from them is squinting curiously. It also takes him a moment to pinpoint that man as one of the men that tried to get in his pants. 

They lock eyes and Wei Wuxian finds sweet satisfaction in the way his eyes widened. In horror or pleasant surprise, Wei Wuxian doesn’t know and doesn’t care. 

Lan Wangji’s fingers curl inside him and Wei Wuxian moans, reveling in the way he presses against his prostate. 

He feels Lan Wangji turn his head and press his lips against his ear. “Who are you looking at?” Lan Wangji growls. 

Wei Wuxian shivers and shakes his head. “No one important.” 

Lan Wangji turns his head to glare at the man, and presses hard into Wei Wuxian’s prostate. Wei Wuxian gasps and crumbles in Lan Wangji’s arms. He quickens his thrusts, hard and long fingers moving with the strokes of his hand. Wei Wuxian keens. 

“Lan- ah, ah, Lan-gege, are you jealous?” There’s a hint of a smile, but Lan Wangji quickly wipes it off with a jerk of his leg. “Ah, don’t be, he’s just looking, you’re the one making me into a mess.” 


Lan Wangji’s face blocks Wei Wuxian’s view of the man and Wei Wuxian kisses him, tongue thrusting past his teeth. He’s pretty sure Lan Wangji is glancing at the man, making sure he sees more than just Wei Wuxian’s fucked out expression. His hands cup Lan Wangji’s face and Wei Wuxian feels a rush of euphoria when he cums with his mouth on Lan Wangji’s. 

The open-mouthed kiss leads to drool on Lan Wangji’s collar, and Wei Wuxian half-heartedly rubs at it as Lan Wangji removes his hands. 

Wei Wuxian licks his lips and Lan Wangji follows. “Would you like a blowjob, Lan-gege?” 

Lan Wangji nods, the most enthusiastic Wei Wuxian has seen him all night. 

After tugging his pants back up, Wei Wuxian got onto his knees and mouths around the large bulge in Lan Wangji’s jeans. Lan Wangji haphazardly wipes the cum on the wall behind him, and carefully pulls Wei Wuxian’s bangs back so he can see his face. 

Lan Wangji likes Wei Wuxian’s face when his jaw drops and his tongue darts out, wetting the outside of Lan Wangji’s jeans. 

Wei Wuxian unzips his pants and pulls out his cock. Lan Wangji is already fully hard, probably from Wei Wuxian’s moans when he fucked him out with his fingers. Wei Wuxian peppers kisses over it and fits it into his mouth. 

Lan Wangji’s hips shutter from the effort he takes to not just mindlessly fuck into Wei Wuxian’s warm mouth. 

Wei Wuxian sucks skillfully around Lan Wangji’s cock, spit making his lips gleam under the flickering lights. Maybe it’s the way he glances up at him through his eyelashes, maybe it’s Wei Wuxian putting his mouth on Lan Wangji’s cock, Lan Wangji feels the pit of his stomach tighten into knots and his fingers twitch in Wei Wuxian’s hair. 

Wei Wuxian goes as deep as he can and fists the rest of it, Lan Wangji groans. 

“Wei Ying.” 

Wei Wuxian hums and the vibrations make Lan Wangji’s hips snap forward, almost choking him. He doesn’t mind. 

Wei Wuxian pulls off with a ‘pop’ and strokes his cock with a small smirk sitting on his reddened lips. “You can be rougher, Lan-gege, you can fuck my face.” Just the view of Wei Wuxian’s prettied face next to his cock is obscene, but Lan Wangji swallows thickly and nods. 

Wei Wuxian puts his mouth back on him and Lan Wangji braces himself. His hips thrust shallowly into the wet cavern and he’s still holding himself back, because Wei Wuxian being so open and vulnerable for him is a fleeting bliss all on its own and Lan Wangji would hate to break whatever magic spell he’s under. 

Lan Wangji gasps as Wei Wuxian deep-throats him, tight and warm and sticky, and he just about loses it. 

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says his name in a warning, “I’m c- close,” and his voice breaks in the most endearing way. 

Wei Wuxian peeks at him and bobs his head faster. Lan Wangji’s soft hand tightens in his hair and the sharp electricity that spreads along his scalp makes Wei Wuxian moan. Lan Wangji cums in his mouth and Wei Wuxian swallows dutifully. 

Wei Wuxian pulls off and white semen frames his lips. Lan Wangji shudders when his tongue laps it all up. 

“Alrighty,” Wei Wuxian says, like they didn’t just fuck under the guise of the loud and distorting club, “let’s get back to our idiot friends.” 



Lan Wangji glares at the man watching them on their way up.

Wen Ning is a bro. 

Bros don’t snitch, and Wei Wuxian is forever grateful to have a bro like Wen Ning. (“We only had sex once and it didn’t count so we’re still bros.”) 

“‘Cause I don’t think he wants it out there, you know?” To Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji is a very conservative person who probably doesn’t want his sex life being hung outside for all to see. “He didn’t exactly ask me if we’re boyfriends or something, so we’ll just keep it low-key, the no-strings-attached kind.” 

Wen Ning nods, admiring Wei Wuxian for his consideration and respect. “Okay, I get it. You’re really nice, Wei-xiong.” 

Wei Wuxian puffs out his chest mockingly and laughs. “Yeah, sure I am.” 

The room they’re waiting in is pure white, much like the Lan’s apartment, but far emptier. There’s a line of chairs and a door. The much dreaded door. 

There’s only one day Wei Wuxian would drop all his dignity and put on a suit and fake smile. It’s the annual scholarship interview day, where his sponsors would interview him to make sure he’s still worth it. If he fucks up, he’s out. He would’ve never made it into a university like Gusu University without a scholarship. 5 years and going strong, Wei Wuxian is positive this year is going to be like all the other years. He’ll go in there, charm them off their seats with his charisma and perfect GPA and waltz out with another year sponsored. 

Wen Ning is also one of the honor students on the program, so they make it a tradition to hype each other up to the roof. 

“You had sex with a Lan, you can do this Wei-xiong.” There’s something about the way Wen Ning says that with red cheeks and a thumbs-up that cracks Wei Wuxian up, but Wei Wuxian winks at him and enters the room 

The room is also white, with a table, 5 chairs along it, one chair in the middle, and a water dispenser in a corner. Just like Wei Wuxian remembers, but with an additional chair behind the main desk, tucked against the wall. 

Lan Wangji’s eyes widen ever-so slightly and he feels his breath get taken away. 

Wei Wuxian sits and does his interview. He does glance curiously at Lan Wangji now and then, but he charms the interviewers (except Lan Qiren, but Wei Wuxian’s grades are perfect so he can’t say much) and bags another scholarship. 

When he gets out, he manages to get Wen Ning calm in the 10-minute break the sponsors took and tells him to fuck shit up. Metaphorically, not literally. 

A surprise finds him in the form of a text. From Lan Wangji. 


          r u busy 2night? 


wanna fuck 😘          


Conveniently, Jiang Cheng is back home in Yunmeng for Lunar New Year, so that leaves Wei Wuxian and the empty apartment. It’s the only reason he agrees to Lan Wangji coming over because the apartment is cheap and its walls are thin. Wei Wuxian is a loud bitch. 

Lan Wangji greets him with a slight nod and holds up a cute little basket with mandarins and pretty wrapping paper. “I brought fruit.” 

“Cool,” Wei Wuxian greets, “do you want me to eat it off you?” 

Lan Wangji almost smirks in amusement. It’s kind of hot. 

Wei Wuxian leaves the mandarins on the dining room table. He can put them in the fridge later, but now Lan Wangji is straddling him and eating his face off and that’s more important. 

They’re on the couch, where Jiang Cheng will absolutely kick Wei Wuxian’s ass for having sex on, but he’s not here so what Wei Wuxian says goes. It’s also leather so cum can be wiped off much easier than his bedsheets. 

“Lan Zhan,” Lan Wangji hums before going back to licking around Wei Wuxian’s lips, “what do you want to do today?” 

Lan Wangji leans back a bit as he thinks. “I,” he pauses and Wei Wuxian follows the way his tongue swipes across his bottom lip, “I liked your suit.” 

Wei Wuxian smirks. “My suit got you horny enough to come over?” Lan Wangji nods, in all seriousness. “Damn, I gotta wear it more often.” Lan Wangji nods again. “Okay big guy, give me 10.” 

Walking out and seeing the way Lan Wangji’s eyes widen is immensely satisfying, especially when Wei Wuxian has never seen him react so violently to anything else before. 

Wei Wuxian sits down and Lan Wangji is back on his lap, running his hands down his chest. Wei Wuxian is a person who works out, and he takes pride in the way the buttons strain to keep his shirt closed. Lan Wangji kisses him again and his fingers run over the buttons, clicking one by one almost lazily. 

“Can I, um,” Lan Wangji thinks about the best way to say this. He doesn’t want to be brash, but there’s really no other way to say this in which Wei Wuxian can understand him. “Can I fuck you, in the suit?” 

Hearing Lan Wangji curse is a whole other experience. Something so harsh coming out of the pure Hanguang-jun’s pretty mouth is something to behold. Wei Wuxian gives himself a moment for his breath to be taken away. 

“Yeah, fuck yeah.” 

Lan Wangji nods and holds two fingers for Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian doesn’t even ask, he puts the fingers into his mouth and starts sucking, keeping Lan Wangji’s eye contact as much as he can. Lan Wangji shudders and pushes deeper. Wei Wuxian sucks eagerly, making a scene with the way his tongue laps out at the corners of his mouth so lewdly. 

Wei Wuxian finally pulls Lan Wangji’s fingers out of his mouth with a smirk. “Wanna try something new, Lan-gege?” Wei Wuxian is feeling it today. Maybe Lan Wangji will be up for it. 

Lan Wangji furrows his eyebrows. 

“I was thinking bondage.” 

Lan Wangji’s eyes widen - Wei Wuxian will make it a personal challenge to get a reaction out of Lan Wangji - and he nods, once, slowly. Wei Wuxian wants to get the rope from his room, along with lube and condoms, but he stops when he realizes getting his rope is a god awful idea and he shouldn’t have suggested bondage in the first place because he doesn’t have rope. 

He has Xue Yang’s rope. 

“Uh…” Wei Wuxian freezes mid-movement and Lan Wangji carefully removes his hands from him, concerned. “I, uh, I don’t have rope, we just gotta skip that. Sorry, haha,” Wei Wuxian flinches at how fake his laughter sounds, “I shouldn’ve suggested that.” 

“Are you okay?” Of course Lan Wangji would be concerned in the middle of literal sex. 

“I- I’m fine, fine.” Wei Wuxian doesn’t even want to get lube and condoms anymore, because they’re in the same fucking drawer. Wei Wuxian is an idiot who put them in the same drawer. “I just,” Wei Wuxian doesn’t know why he’s telling Lan Wangji this, “the rope, they’re Xue Yang’s, and I don’t want to see them right now.” Wei Wuxian still feels the compulsion to apologise even though the logical part of his brain knows that it’s not his fault. “Sorry.” 

“Where do you keep the condoms?” 

Wei Wuxian points in the direction of his room. “Nightstand.” 

Lan Wangji leaves him and Wei Wuxian feels cold. After some rummaging, Lan Wangji emerges with lube and condoms. Wei Wuxian found the scene quite funny, Hanguang-jun holding lube and condoms. 

After he sets them down on the coffee table, Lan Wangji reaches up and undoes his ribbon. His hair glides gracefully out of their confines and he looks slightly unruly, like a willow tree among spring winds. He holds the ribbon out in front of Wei Wuxian, metal pendant sitting in his hand. 

“Do you… still want to do it?” 

Wei Wuxian looks from the ribbon to Lan Wangji’s soft facial features with impossibly large eyes. “I- I thought that was sacred.” 

Lan Wangji shrugs. 

Wei Wuxian slowly holds out his hands and watches as Lan Wangji carefully wraps the ribbon around his wrists and ties a delicate bow. 

“I like it,” Lan Wangji says as he inspects his handiwork, “on fours.” 

The way Lan Wangji’s voice dropped low and deep will haunt Wei Wuxian’s wet dreams. 

He quickly follows the orders given, and there’s something exhilarating about being in such a vulnerable position where Lan Wangji can do absolutely anything to him. 

“So, safe word,” Wei Wuxian grins cheekily, his cheek squished into the couch and on his shoulders, “how about Lan Qiren?” Wei Wuxian almost snorts at himself. 


Lan Wangji undoes Wei Wuxian’s belt and fly, and tugs his pants down harshly. Wei Wuxian’s hips jerk from the force and suddenly, his ass meets cold air. 

Applying an excessive amount of lube on his fingers, Lan Wangji warms it before pressing the pad of his finger against Wei Wuxian’s entrance, probing gently. Just as Wei Wuxian’s getting impatient and has half a mind to complain about it, Lan Wangji pushes it in and Wei Wuxian’s whine is choked halfway. 

Ah… ” His hips push backwards onto Lan Wangji’s finger, and Lan Wangji complies, shoving it up to the knuckle. 

After a few thrusts and continued encouragement from Wei Wuxian, a second finger enters, and a third. Wei Wuxian eagerly fucks himself on Lan Wangji’s long fingers and briefly wonders how they’ll feel wrapped around his throat. 

“Lan-gege, you can put it in now, please.” As if to prove a point, Wei Wuxian rocks his hips backwards, because the rock-hard cock bobbing against his stomach isn’t enough of a point. 

To his surprise, Lan Wangji stills him with a hard grip on his hip and growls: “Don’t move.” Wei Wuxian swallows and stops. 

Lan Wangji removes his fingers and tugs his sweater over his head. Yes, oh yes . Wei Wuxian stares to his heart’s content at the way Lan Wangji’s muscles shift as he moves, hands going to his slacks. He removes his belt - very aware that Wei Wuxian is watching - and unzips his pants. Wei Wuxian wants him to fuck him against various horizontal surfaces that Jiang Cheng will not approve of. 

“Oh fuck.” Wei Wuxian feels Lan Wangji’s head pressing against him and he pushes in, in one slow, drawn-out thrust. “Oh fuck .” 

Wei Wuxian can’t stop the breathy moan that leaves his throat when Lan Wangji bottoms out, tight and snug in his ass. Lan Wangji bends down, pressing his front against Wei Wuxian’s back and blowing hot breath onto his ear. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Am I okay Lan-gege? I’m about to be fucking not if you don’t move.” 

Wei Wuxian wonders if Lan Wangji’s past lovers got to hear the same soft concerns with Lan Wangji’s dick inside them. The way his deep voice asks if he’s okay does things to Wei Wuxian. 

Lan Wangji pulls back and Wei Wuxian misses having his lips next to his ear. He pulls out almost completely and thrusts back in, a long, fluid movement that makes Wei Wuxian gasp. He does it again, making deep thrusts that spark something in Wei Wuxian, something not unlike the fiery he felt when they first kissed. 

Wei Wuxian would grab something but there’s no sheets for him to pull at, so he digs his nails into his palm and tugs slightly against his restraints. He likes the burn, he also likes the fact that it’s Lan Wangji’s sacred forehead ribbon tying his wrists together and not some shitty rope some bastard picked up for cheap. 

When Lan Wangji hits his prostate, Wei Wuxian moans, high-pitched and needy. “Lan-gege, can you, um, spank me?” Wei Wuxian feels Lan Wangji’s hips falter and go into a rhythm too uneven and too fast, before he inhales sharply and pulls himself together again. 

Oh, he’s still holding back

Lan Wangji places a wary hand on Wei Wuxian’s ass, kneading the plump flesh to make Wei Wuxian whine. “Are you sure?” 

Wei Wuxian wants, he craves . “Yes, please. I’ll be good.” 

Lan Wangji’s hips go out of rhythm again and Wei Wuxian loves it, it goes harder and faster as Lan Wangji loses some of his rigid self-control and lands a solid slap against Wei Wuxian’s ass cheek. 

Wei Wuxian lunges forward and moans, the slap of his hand and the slap of his hips blending into an indistinguishable chorus. Lan Wangji tightens his hand on Wei Wuxian’s hip and runs his hand over the handprint he left as some sort of apology. 

“Lan-gege, go- ah, go faster, please.” 

Lan Wangji loses it. 

His hips speed up until Wei Wuxian is screaming into the couch, screams in sync with the sounds of skin slapping against skin. “Lan-gege, Lan-gege, f- feels good, fuck, feels so good. You make me feel so g- ah, Lan-gege !” 

Lan Wangji lands another slap on his already reddened cheek, hips not faltering in the slightest. Wei Wuxian can feel Lan Wangji moving inside him, hitting his prostate again and again until his cock is leaking against his stomach. Lan Wangji leans closer, pressing front against back, and a growl is heard when Wei Wuxian tightens around him. 

“Shut up.” 

Wei Wuxian whimpers and feels the need to make Lan Wangji break. He wants to ruin him, and let Lan Wangji ruin him. “M- Make me.” 

Wei Wuxian is in no condition to say that. He’s restrained, spanked, and being fucked into the couch by Lan Wangji. Yet, Lan Wangji takes the challenge and a hand closes around his chin. 

Lan Wangji turns his head and Wei Wuxian’s lips meet teeth. 

The kiss itself is very sloppy, so unlike Lan Wangji. Too much tongue and too much teeth, and Wei Wuxian loves it. He loves the way Lan Wangji is too preoccupied with him and the fact that he’s ramming into him to care about the drool and the biting. Wei Wuxian lets Lan Wangji take his mouth and make him weak with the way he shoves his tongue down his throat. 

“Lan-gege- mnh.” Lan Wangji doesn’t let him talk, he devours his mouth like it’s the most delicious thing he’s ever had. He kisses him with abandon. 

Precum gathers at Wei Wuxian’s tip and drips onto the couch, dangerously close to Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon. 

Wei Wuxian gasps when Lan Wangji finally grants his lips mercy. “Lan-gege, I’m gonna cum. You’re gonna make me cum. Please, please…” Wei Wuxian doesn’t know why he’s begging, but Lan Wangji takes it as an instruction to go faster. 

Wei Wuxian is going to have problems sitting. 

“Ah, ah, ah…” Wei Wuxian’s moans match Lan Wangji’s thrusts, as well as Lan Wangji’s sharp panting beside his ear. Lan Wangji has his arms wrapped around Wei Wuxian’s chest and is pulling his body against his, the jacket of his suit rubbing harshly against his bare chest. 

Wei Ying .” Lan Wangji almost sounds like he’s whining

Wei Wuxian is not capable of coherent speech at the moment, so he gasps as he cums all over Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon and the couch. Lan Wangji follows soon after. 

They stay, panting and grasping at strands of bliss that leave them too soon, and Lan Wangji is reluctant to pull out. “Lan-gege, you gotta get out some time.” 

“Mn.” Lan Wangji wraps his arms tighter around Wei Wuxian. 

“C’mon, my back hurts.” 

Lan Wangji finally pulls out and removes himself from Wei Wuxian. He ties up the condom and drops it into their living room wastebasket. Gross, but will do. 

Wei Wuxian flips onto his back on the couch and holds out his hands for Lan Wangji to untie him. “Sorry.” 

His hands are sticky and the ribbon is covered in cum. Lan Wangji’s ears turn scarlet and the blush spreads to his neck as he unties it with shaking hands. It’s sticky and gross and absolutely obscene. 

Wei Wuxian smirks. “You’re gonna have to live with that, aren’t you?” 

Lan Wangji glares at him, and nods. 

“You can wash it in the kitchen. I’m sure we have soap… somewhere.” 

Lan Wangji holds his filthy forehead ribbon in one hand and cups Wei Wuxian’s cheek with the other. Wei Wuxian thinks he’s going in for a kiss, and leans accordingly. Lan Wangji gives him the softest peck on his cheek and leaves to wash his forehead ribbon. 

Wei Wuxian blanks out. His brain leaves the chat. 

“H- Hey, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian shouts after him. Lan Wangji turns around curiously. “What- What the fuck?” Wei Wuxian is blushing, he’s stuttering, he’s flustered

He stands but ultimately falls back onto the couch from his sore legs and pants around his knees. He pulls his pants back, glaring at Lan Wangji’s unbothered back while he does. 

“What’s wrong?” 


Lan Wangji hangs his wet ribbon on the dish rack and comes back with tissues. He slowly wipes up the mess on the couch and Wei Wuxian, chucking the tissues into the wastebasket. 

After cleaning up, Lan Wangji patiently helps Wei Wuxian into comfier clothes. 

“Well, you can just leave whenever you want.” Wei Wuxian pulls his blanket over his head and turns on his side, exhausted and practically wasted. Lan Wangji doesn’t play around. 

Lan Wangji stares for a bit, enough for Wei Wuxian to feel uncomfortable but not enough for him to say anything about it. “May I join you?” 

“I don’t have a king-sized bed, Lan Zhan.” 

True, Wei Wuxian has a single bed that has enough room for him to turn in but not enough for his partner of the day to sleep in. Which is why they had sex on the couch. 

Lan Wangji shrugs. 

“Sure, whatever.” Wei Wuxian pulls his blanket off one side and Lan Wangji lays down, slotting perfectly against Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian is pressed against Lan Wangji, chest to chest, and he can feel Lan Wangji’s breathing. He can also feel what he thinks is Lan Wangji’s increasing heartbeat. 

Maybe that’s what Lan Wangji felt back in the club. 

“Are you nervous?” 

Lan Wangji nods, slowly. 

“It’s just me, literally nothing to be nervous about.” Wei Wuxian wraps his arms around Lan Wangji and entangles their legs. He doesn’t want Lan Wangji to fall out of the bed, and Lan Wangji is warm. “If you don’t mind, I’ll pass the fuck out now.” 

Wei Wuxian thinks he hears a laugh being stifled. “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian is a very unorganised man. 

He has a pile of clothes that he moves from his chair to his bed and back whenever he needs to. His homework is constantly loose paper scattered around the apartment. His dishes are a nightmare Jiang Cheng has to keep under control with constant yelling and threatening. 

When he wakes up, confused and disoriented with a warm body next to him, he shouldn’t be so surprised to find out that he miscalculated and it’s already visiting day. But he is surprised. Why? Not sure, he should be used to his own shenanigans by now. 

“Fuck,” Wei Wuxian curses and attempts to climb over Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan groans and drags him back to bed with a strong arm around his waist. “No, Lan Zhan, this is not the time to be cute. This is the time to panic because it’s visiting day and I literally have my lover right here. Get the fuck up, Lan ‘Punctuality is Virtue’ Zhan!” 

Lan Zhan lets him go and Wei Wuxian’s legs crumble underneath him. He falls into a heap on the floor. “What’s visiting day?” Lan Zhan wakes and sleepily helps Wei Wuxian off the floor. 

“It’s the third day of Lunar New Year, Jiang Cheng’s coming home with my shijie and her family. They absolutely cannot see you here. Fuck, there’s gonna be a child. Put on a shirt, you handsome human being.” 

Wei Wuxian checks his phone. He has an hour. “Lan Zhan, you need to leave, right the fuck now.” 

Lan Zhan frowns. 

“Fuck, where’re my nice clothes?” Wei Wuxian digs through his pile on his chair and finds a shirt that smells decent and unstained jeans. “Dude, leave!” Wei Wuxian has time for a shower. He needs a shower. He smells like sweat, sex, and Lan Wangji. 


“Why? Dude, my bro,” Wei Wuxian needs a new pet name for him, “we had sex, it’s obvious we had sex, they’re gonna come in here with their child and see that we so obviously had sex. Is that not inappropriate to you, Lan ‘Porn is Forbidden’ Zhan?” 

Lan Zhan looks at himself then at Wei Wuxian. His frown deepens. “We don’t have marks.” 

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath. “So, um, people sometimes assume any living human that looks like,” Wei Wuxian gestures to Lan Wangji’s… everything, “and spent 2 hours alone with me is my lover, and normally they’re not wrong, so… leave, please.” 

Lan Wangji still looks confused but he nods. 

As Wei Wuxian thinks he solved one problem, another arises. The front door unlocks. 

“Fuck me.” 

Lan Wangji looks over curiously. 

Wei Wuxian pokes his head out of his room and sees 3 adults with a child entering the apartment. He curses, much more vulgarly, and gets spotted by Jiang Cheng. “Wei Wuxian, I honestly thought you’d be dead to the world.” 

“Well excuse you, it’s visiting day, I’ll always resurrect myself for shijie.” 

Jiang Yanli is a beautiful woman, Lan Wangji realizes immediately. Soft edges and long shadows, when she walks she glides and when she talks she twinkles. “A-Xian! Oh dear, your hair.” 

Wei Wuxian pats his bird nest down. “I’ll be there in a hot second, gotta shower.” 

“Hey, whose sweater is this?” Jiang Cheng picks up the white sweater left forgotten on the couch and inspects it. Wei Wuxian is about to have a heart attack. 

“Well, if it’s not yours it must be A-Xian’s.” Jiang Yanli picks up the sweater and folds it with delicate hands. Wei Wuxian almost wishes his shijie wasn’t an angel on earth because as she hands him the sweater, she sees Lan Wangji. “Oh my.” 

“Thanks shijie love you muah!” Wei Wuxian frantically blows her a kiss and shuts the door. “Shit, I’m so screwed.” 


After showering and cleaning himself up, Wei Wuxian braces himself for the unfortunate reveal. He opens his door and finds the three chatting civilly while little Jin Ling plays with his toy sword in his uncle’s lap. He says civilly because Jiang Cheng is glaring, but not doing anything physical. So, civilly. 

“So, um, Lan Zhan is going to leave.” Lan Wangji takes his cue and gives the family a bow before attempting to leave. 

I say attempting because he doesn’t succeed. Jiang Yanli, this earthly angel, easily stops him with a hand on his elbow. 

“Oh no, stay! We’ll love to get to know your new boyfriend A-Xian!” 


“Wait, why’s Lan Wangji here-” 

“Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” Jin Zixuan will nod to anything Jiang Yanli says, and Wei Wuxian can’t blame him. But he really wants to blame him. 

“Yo, is no one confused-” 

“Come, sit.” Lan Wangji allows himself to be pulled to the couch where they fucked, and sits down. Jiang Yanli pours him a cup of white lotus tea. He accepts. 

Jiang Cheng has never been so confused. “Wei Wuxian, answer my question before I break your legs.” 

Wei Wuxian makes a face, a gesture, and gestures to Jin Ling, who’s now staring at the tall handsome uncle that appeared in the room. 

“I’m sorry, you two what?” Jiang Cheng hisses. 

Wei Wuxian holds a finger to his lips. There is a child in the goddamn room. 

Jin Zixuan does not like Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian understands. He’s not family-friendly; he drinks, he parties, he sleeps around, and he goes clubbing a lot. But he tolerates him, in return, Wei Wuxian tolerates him because his shijie loves him and if he breaks his shijie’s heart he will steal his kneecaps. 

Between him and Jiang Cheng, they can and will do it. 

“Don’t be shy, introduce yourself,” Jiang Yanli says with a warm smile. She gives off Lan Xichen vibes and Lan Wangji is too polite to point out. 

“Yeah, Lan Zhan really has to go-” 

Lan Wangji bows once. “My name is Lan Wangji, I’m a Philosophy major, currently doing my masters.” 

This somehow interests Jin Zixuan and pulls him into the conversation. “Ah, Hanguang-jun. I’m Jin Zixuan, chairman of Lanling Jin Corps. We’ve dealt business with your uncle and brother before.” And they start talking about business, while Wei Wuxian has not yet sat down. 

“We’re gonna go get cookies,” Jiang Cheng grabs Wei Wuxian and pulls him to the kitchen. Wei Wuxian can hear Jin Ling’s cheer for cookies behind him as Jiang Cheng drags him away. 

“Look, I know what you’re gonna say, and I told him to leave but you guys came early so whose-” 

“You fucked Lan Wangji? How did I not know about this? Lan Wangji has casual sex? What the fuck? The world is not making sense,” Jiang Cheng rambles all of that while he throws open the cabinets and stacks the red containers into his arms. Wei Wuxian helps. 

“Uh, yeah, but he really doesn’t want rumours spreading, so like, be a bro and don’t snitch?” 

“I’m so impressed I’m not even mad.” 

“I’m not the one fucking the heir to the Gusu Lan fortune,” Wei Wuxian quips, giving Jiang Cheng a playful jab to the side. 

“I’m not the one fucking Lan ‘3 Thousand and 5 Hundred Rules’ Wangji.” 

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng laugh off the fact that they’re both fucking Lans and bring the cookies back to the living room. Wei Wuxian remembers to bring Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon. 

“So, how did you two meet?” Jiang Yanli asks. 

“Wei Ying’s birthday party, last October.” 

Wei Wuxian disagrees. “Nope, I don’t remember that, I was too drunk. We technically met at Jiang Cheng’s birthday party, but Lan Zhan did bring me to McDonald’s.” 

Jiang Yanli gushes and gives her husband a look, like how one would look if they saw a sneezing puppy. “Aw, adorable.” 

“No, it was not adorable, it was bad. I puked.” 

Jin Ling pulls a face. “Ew.” 

“Yes, ew, puking is gross,” Wei Wuxian agrees and continues his sword battle with Jin Ling from his place on the floor. 

Lan Wangji smiles fondly at him, sitting cross-legged on the floor and arguing with a 3-year-old on whether he died or not. His heart clenches when he remembers they’re pretending . They’re friends, friends with benefits. They have sex and leave. 

That day, Lan Wangji finds out that Jiang Yanli can make anything delicious, it includes the barely-rotting vegetables and meat Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian had in their fridge. He also finds out that they plan to have more children, because Jin Zixuan grew up as an only child and wouldn’t wish that loneliness on his worst enemy. He now knows Jin Ling’s dream is to become a xianxia hero. He also finds out about Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian’s backup plan in case Jin Zixuan did anything their shijie didn’t approve of, which includes kneecap-stealing. 

“Well, we’ll be going,” Jiang Yanli says, holding an asleep Jin Ling in her arms, “Lan-gongzi, promise me you’ll take good care of A-Xian.” 

Jiang Cheng makes a face, oh you have no idea. Jiang Yanli smacks him playfully and laughs. 

Lan Zhan finds himself nodding. “I promise.” Hanguang-jun keeps his promises, but normally, the great Hanguang-jun doesn’t make promises he can’t keep.

Lan Xichen is a saint. 

He’s kind, gentle, pleasant, all-knowing and not arrogant about it. The dude speaks 4 languages. If it’s Wei Wuxian he would’ve exhausted all the ways to brag about it by now. 

“Wei-gongzi, I need to see you for a moment.” 

So, according to Wei Wuxian’s existing knowledge on Professor Lan Xichen, he isn’t worried as all the students file past him and he stops in front of Lan Xichen’s desk. “Yeah? I promise I’ve already submitted my assignment.” 

Wei Wuxian knows the exact moment when he fucked up, because Lan Xichen’s smile disappears and he bears a striking resemblance to Lan Wangji. Only scarier. “What did you do to my brother?” 

A timid finger comes up, but ultimately shrinks back. “Uh, not sure?” 

Lan Xichen is very scary without his smile, standing rigid with a hand clenched behind him that Wei Wuxian is sure will fucking deck him if he doesn’t choose his next words carefully. 

“What happened?” 

Lan Xichen’s eyebrow twitches. Wrong answer then. “A few days ago, he came back from your place with wine, and drank himself unconscious.” Wei Wuxian blinks. His brain is having trouble processing this information. “I asked him but he did not answer. So, I will now very nicely ask you, what did you do ?” 

“I- I’m not sure, I don’t know,” Wei Wuxian answers truthfully. 

“You did something , and you’re not leaving until we find out what that is.” Lan Xichen sits down with a swish of his sleeves and sips his tea angrily. “Well? Think .” 

“Well, uh,” Wei Wuxian scratches his nose and thinks, “he asked to come over, I said sure, we had sex, fell asleep, he accidentally met my shijie the next day and Jiang Cheng found out we’re sleeping together. That’s it.” Wei Wuxian snaps his fingers. “Maybe he’s afraid Jiang Cheng will tell everyone he’s sleeping with me, that could be it.” 

“My brother is not ashamed of your relationship,” Lan Xichen says, “think again.” 

Wei Wuxian raises an eyebrow and smirks, humorlessly. “Uh, pretty sure he is.” 

“I know my brother, Wei-gongzi,” Lan Xichen narrows his eyes and takes another sip of his tea, “again, think.” 

“Uh, my shijie asked him if he’s my boyfriend, and we had to pretend for a little bit because my shijie’s heart can’t take it.” Wei Wuxian finally sighs in exasperation and shrugs. “I don’t know, that’s it. He didn’t seem too unhappy when we got his forehead ribbon dirty.” 

Lan Xichen freezes and Wei Wuxian realises he said something wrong. Lan Xichen gingerly places his cup back onto the desk. 

“W- Wait, he suggested it, not me, don’t kill me.” Wei Wuxian covers himself with his arms, body taunt and on alert. 

“You’re… not dating?” 

Wei Wuxian peeks out from his tightly shut eyelids and sees Lan Xichen sporting an expression that can be described as a mix of confusion and surprise. Maybe with a dash of disbelief. “Uh, yeah, you know me. I just… have casual sex, with people. And this person just so happens to be your brother.” 

Lan Xichen waves the thought off and laughs a little. “No, Wangji doesn’t have casual sex.” 

“Uh, yeah he does.” Wei Wuxian puts his arms down and leans against his professor’s desk. “Maybe you misunderstood, we hooked up a couple times but we’re not dating.” He doesn’t love me. 

“No, can’t be.” Lan Xichen goes back to sipping his tea. “Think.” 

“No, that’s it. We just had casual sex, nothing-” 

Wei Wuxian !” The cup cracks because Lan Xichen slams it onto the desk, standing up so abruptly his desk shakes. “If my brother thinks of your relationship as casual, tell me why he drank your favourite wine like it was water and cried your name?!” 

Wei Wuxian is frozen. He can’t make any of this make sense . He hates himself for it because he keeps trying to find an explanation. An excuse

Lan Xichen takes a sharp inhale and shakily sits down. “As his brother, I shouldn’t meddle, but Wangji- he was, he was crying, he sounded heartbroken .” Lan Xichen shows a slip of his composure, and rubs his face with the heel of his palm. “I’m trying, and I want you to think , because I wasn’t there and I can’t help him.” 

Wei Wuxian feels his body shake. His legs jump and his arms feel tingly. He turns and runs. 

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know where he’s running to, but he hears Lan Xichen’s shout behind him like all the problems he’s shoved into the back of his mind. He doesn’t know where he wants to be, but he runs. 

He grunts when he crashes into a strong back. 

“Wei-xiong? Are you okay?” Wen Ning catches Wei Wuxian before he falls flat on his ass. “Are you late for class? Be care- Wei-xiong?!” 

“H- Hey, A-Ning.” 

Wei Wuxian is only vaguely aware that he’s crying, because the tears slip off his face and wets his collar. In the blurry midst, he sees a white shadow rush to Wen Ning’s side and take his elbow. 

“Ah, Lan-er-gongzi,” Wen Ning greets, “Wei-xiong, he, I don’t know what happened.” 

“I’ll take him,” Lan Wangji says quietly. 

Wen Ning blinks and looks at Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian clutches to Lan Wangji’s button-up, rubbing at his eyes haphazardly. “Er, sure, just make sure he’s okay.” 

Lan Wangji nods and Wei Wuxian feels an arm wrap around him, whisking him away from the noisy hallway. Wei Wuxian walks with his head down because it’s embarrassing. A grown man crying in the middle of the university hallways. Granted, most of the students will probably understand and resonate with him, but he doesn’t want Lan Wangji to see him crying. 

It’s embarrassing. 

Lan Wangji guides Wei Wuxian into the elevator and punches the 49th button. Slowly, he unwraps his arm from him and Wei Wuxian feels cold. He feels the cold chaos in this merciless world surround him and it’s suffocating. 

Lan Wangji doesn’t push him away when he cuddles up to his side. 

Arriving at the Lan household, Lan Wangji sits Wei Wuxian on his bed and brings him a cup of water. Wei Wuxian takes it gratefully. “Uh, sorry about that,” Wei Wuxian manages to say this with a small grin. “Wah, so embarrassing, the great Hanguang-jun caught me crying.” 

Lan Wangji shakes his head. 

That’s when Wei Wuxian realises Lan Wangji barely ever disagrees with him. The sight of Lan Wangji shaking his head is foreign. 

Wei Wuxian sees a ceramic bottle littered on the clean floor and raises an eyebrow. “Lan Zhan, is that Emperor’s Smile? And half a bottle of whiskey?” The amber liquid sitting in a wide bottle on Lan Wangji’s desk is unmistakable. 

Lan Wangji stares, then he nods slowly, ears tinged pink. 

“Do you… have more?” Lan Wangji says nothing and pulls out a bottle of Emperor’s Smile from under his bed. However, when Wei Wuxian reaches for it, he pulls away, nodding his head towards the cup of water in Wei Wuxian’s hand. Wei Wuxian downs it and Lan Wangji finally hands him the wine. 

As Wei Wuxian pours himself a cup of wine, he vaguely registers the faint smell of alcohol in the room. 

“Lan Zhan, Prof Lan told me you’ve been drinking.” Lan Wangji freezes. They’re sitting a foot away on the bed, not touching and not close. We’re not close. “Are you okay?” Perhaps that’s not the best way to phrase his question, so Wei Wuxian tries again. “Is it me?” 

Lan ‘Lying is Forbidden’ Wangji shakes his head. 

Wei Wuxian decides he doesn’t like it when Lan Wangji shakes his head. “Right? We’re just- just casual lovers, Prof Lan got it wrong.” Wei Wuxian chokes out a laugh. It doesn’t sound human. It sounds empty. 

Lan Wangji takes a moment, and shakes his head. 

Wei Wuxian grits his teeth. “What are we, Lan Zhan? Are we… dating? Boyfriends?” 

Lan Wangji shakes his head again. 

Wei Wuxian hates it. He hates it. He absolutely loathes it. He knocks the wine back and pours another. “ you want us to be?” 

Lan Wangji nods, slowly. Once. His eyes watch Wei Wuxian carefully, gauging his reaction. 

Wei Wuxian laughs wetly and elbows Lan Wangji’s chest. “You’re such an idiot, why did you drink? Why would you do that to yourself?” 

“I wanted to know why you liked it so much.” 

The cup stops halfway to Wei Wuxian’s lips and he gasps quietly, in spite of himself. “Lan Zhan, do you like me?” Before Lan Wangji can answer, Wei Wuxian answers himself. “You can’t like me, that’s stupid.” He takes the wine and swallows. 

Lan Wangji gently takes his hand and removes the bottle. Wei Wuxian whines. “I love you, Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji sets down the bottle but doesn’t remove his hand. “I love you.” 

Wei Wuxian laughs in his face. 

“You don’t love me, Lan-gege,” Wei Wuxian sounds sad, “you’re the great Hanguang-jun, I’m an easy, shameless, selfish piece of shit,” Wei Wuxian laughs wetly, “ridiculous.” 

“Wei Ying-” 

“Lan Zhan.” 

Wei Wuxian glares into Lan Wangji’s amber eyes and silently dares him to argue. He dares him to prove him wrong. “You’re brave,” Lan Wangji says, “caring, and selfless. I love all those things about you.” 

“I was pretending, like a liar. You were pretending, for my fucking sake because I’m a clingy needy bitch-” Wei Wuxian snatches his hand away from Lan Wangji and stands, “-and I’m a great fuck. I don’t blame anyone for being shallow because if anyone’s shallow than it’s me because I see a rich hot man and I just get on my fucking knees because I’m a whore!” 

Wei Wuxian is fully screaming now, and his body ready to run simply based on instincts. 

Lan Wangji stands as well, calm and elegant. If Wei Wuxian looks close enough - which he does - he can see his reflection in his glazed eyes. “I don’t pretend, and you’re not shallow. But you are a liar.” 

Wei Wuxian hates being reminded that he’s a liar. He lies and lies and eats up these lies to keep himself away from his problems. All his feelings and abandonment issues get locked up in a cage of lies that he’s feeding himself. 

He grits his teeth. “Shut up.” 

Lan Wangji simply takes his hand and strokes his thumb across the back of it. “I love you, it’s up to you if you feel the same.” 

Wei Wuxian scans Lan Wangji’s face for lies, and all he gets is an intense stare pinning him to the spot until he can’t run. “Y- You’ll regret it.” 

Lan Wangji shakes his head. 

“You w- will, they’ll say I- I seduced you, l- lied to you.” Lan Wangji takes Wei Wuxian’s shaking form into his arms and he reluctantly returns the hug. “T- They’ll say- say I- I’m using you.” Wei Wuxian buries his face onto Lan Wangji’s shirt, inhaling the calming tea scent that he’s come to associate with Lan Wangji. “If you say y- you slept with me, no one w- will blame you.” 

“Why would I do that?” 

“Shut up, stop being cute.” Wei Wuxian lands a soft punch on Lan Wangji’s shoulder and starts sobbing. “Y- You’re adorable.” 

Lan Wangji exhales a laugh and kisses the top of Wei Wuxian’s head. “Thank you.” 

“Cute ass motherfucker.” Lan ‘Cursing is Forbidden’ Wangji looks scandalised. Wei Wuxian sniffles and hums into Lan Wangji’s shoulder. “You love me?” 


“R- Really?” 

“I love you.” 

Wei Wuxian’s hand slips down the length of Lan Wangji’s arm and the latter interlaces their fingers. “W- Would you have sex with me, even i- if, I’m not in one of my pretty costumes?” 


“Bring me to McDonald’s at 4am?” 


“Put up with my weird family and bastard exes?” 


“Would you… never drink without me?” Wei Wuxian turns his head and faces Lan Wangji’s pale neck. “Never cry for me, always tell me what’s bothering you?” 

Lan Wangji’s hand tightens and his breath hitches. Wei Wuxian waits for him to refuse. “Yes.” 

Despite himself, Wei Wuxian lets another sob escape his throat. “I- I love you too.” 

Wei Wuxian finally looks up and he’s immediately captured by Lan Wangji’s lips on his. They kiss slowly, like they have all the time in the world. Wei Wuxian isn’t a very punctual person, so he takes his time to discover all the ways Lan Wangji can love him; all the ways he licks and presses against his tongue, all the ways he reduces him into a smittened mess. 

They break apart for air, Wei Wuxian curses his lungs. “I- I sometimes, think about you fucking me in my dirty shirt and jeans, like all that matters is that I’m me.” 

Lan Wangji nods, quickly. 

Wei Wuxian feels his breath being taken away. “Who let you be this cute?” 

Lan Wangji shrugs, and swoops down to take him. 

Wei Wuxian feels his legs hit the bed and he sits down, lips never leaving Lan Wangji’s. Soon, his head hits the pillows and Lan Wangji’s lips slowly get hungrier. Wei Wuxian pulls Lan Wangji closer, impossibly close, until they’re chest to chest and Lan Wangji’s leg is in between his. 

“L- Lan Zhan.” When Lan Wangji stops kissing him, his lips move to kiss away the trail of tears on his face. “God, you’re adorable.” 

“Mn,” Lan Wangji continues downwards, stopping at his neck, “may I?” 

A breath catches in Wei Wuxian’s throat and he nods. 

Lan Wangji places a nip on the delicate skin of his neck, then a lewd lick, and he bites. He bits hard , and sucks harder. Lan Wangji leaves Wei Wuxian moaning and whimpering in his wake, sucking a trail of hickeys along his neck. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whimpers. Lan Wangji only leans back for Wei Wuxian to pull his t-shirt off, then he goes for his collar bones. Wei Wuxian is aware of Lan Wangji’s wandering hand, slowly caressing his chest until he flicks a nipple. 

Wei Wuxian gasps. “Lan Zhan, you’re literally the worst.” Lan Wangji hums against a darkening mark on his collar bone and pinches his nipple. “ Ah , you- you make me feel so good, I’m gonna lose it.” 

Wei Wuxian lets himself thread his fingers through Lan Wangji’s impossibly soft hair, pulling him closer and arching into his mouth every time he bits and sucks. Wei Wuxian wants him to mark him, show the world Lan Wangji loves him

His mouth moves lower and onto Wei Wuxian’s abused nipple. Lan Wangji has the fucking nerve to glance up at Wei Wuxian as he does something as obscene as suck on his nipple. Wei Wuxian tugs on his hair lightly, biting his lip in an attempt to lower his voice. 

“Wei Ying.” A finger presses against his lip and makes him release it. “I want to hear you.” His hot breath across sensitive skin is exhilarating, all of Wei Wuxian’s senses are through the roof. 

Wei Wuxian lets himself moan, almost shamelessly, when Lan Wangji licks and sucks his nipple. The jolts of electricity go directly south, and Wei Wuxian’s brain is malfunctioning from the pleasure. 

Wei Wuxian gasps his lover’s name like a prayer, and Lan Wangji is determined to hear more, louder. He leaves a trail of kisses down his stomach and stops before his waistband. He makes quick work of it and tugs his pants down along with his boxers. 

“Lan Zhan, not fair.” 

Wei Wuxian grabs the first button of Lan Wangji’s button-up and Lan Wangji undoes it, stripping until he’s equally naked and it’s obvious he’s equally hard. 

“I meant to ask you, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian takes Lan Wangji’s large hand and places a kittenish lick on the middle finger, “do you have an oral fixation?” 

From the widening of Lan Wangji’s eyes and the way his pupils are blown wide, Wei Wuxian will take it as a ‘yes’. “Maybe.” 

Wei Wuxian hums and puts three fingers in his mouth, deepthroating Lan Wangji’s pretty fingers. Lan Wangji’s free hand tilts Wei Wuxian’s head up and he watches closely, tongue licking bottom lip. 


Lan Wangji runs his thumb along his bottom lips, wiping away the drool there. 

“Pretty.” Wei Wuxian moans around his fingers, tongue slipping out in an attempt to take more. “You look pretty like this.” 

This; three fingers in his mouth and drool on his chin, lips kissed swollen and the same colour as his cheeks, eager and desperate for more, eyes looking at Lan Wangji like he’s the only person he’ll ever look at. 

Lan Wangji eventually takes his fingers out and lays Wei Wuxian back down on comfy pillows. “May I?” Wei Wuxian holds out his hands and Lan Wangji tugs his forehead ribbon off, tying his delicate bow around Wei Wuxian’s wrists. Lan Wangji pushes his bounded wrists above his head, brings Wei Wuxian’s legs against his chest, and leans closer. “I want to see you.” 

Wei Wuxian nods and feels a wet finger probe at his entrance. 

Lan Wangji works him through one to three fingers, pressing small kisses against the corner of his mouth. Wei Wuxian thinks it cute, absolutely bunny-like, and turns him the fuck on. 

“Lan Zhan, I think I’m fine.” Lan Wangji creases his brows and doesn’t stop fingering him. “I mean ,” oh no he’s an idiot and he’s my idiot, “I’m fine and would like your dick now, please.” 

Lan Wangji removes his fingers and sits up. He digs out a condom from his nightstand drawer - yes, Wei Wuxian teases him about it - and rolls it on. He presses, and pushes in, long, slow, and intensely watching the way Wei Wuxian’s expression morphed into one of pleasure. 

“Fuck, fuck , Lan Zhan.” Lan Wangji bottoms out and stays that way, kissing Wei Wuxian as some sort of assurance. “I love you.” Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what came over him, but he mutters the phrase in such a breathless way. 

“I love you too.” 

Wei Wuxian chuckles. “I must look really unattractive right now, don’t I?” Wei Wuxian knows his hair is all over the place, the ponytail messed up but still holding a chunk of his hair. It sticks out like an ogre’s horn. 

Lan Wangji unties his hair and runs a hand through it. His hips are shaking from the effort of not fucking Wei Wuxian’s brains out, but he smiles softly. “Pretty.” Wei Wuxian keens. 

Lan Wangji starts with his deep, slow thrusts; pulling out until just the tip is inside Wei Wuxian and sliding back in completely. It coaxes moans out of Wei Wuxian’s throat and Lan Wangji lets himself indulge in the delicious sounds, trying out all the ways to make Wei Wuxian louder, more. 

Wei Wuxian melts in Lan Wangji’s arms. He feels Lan Wangji’s hot breath on his ear before he licks and bits his earlobe, adding a gasp into his array of moans in sync with his hips. He goes faster, and Wei Wuxian can’t help but moan louder. Lan Wangji keeps hitting his prostate and Wei Wuxian feels the pleasure coursing through his veins, feels it in his bones, making him weak and an absolute mess. His moans, Lan Wangji’s pants, and the sound of skin against skin echoes off the walls of Lan Wangji’s room. 

The force of Lan Wangji’s thrust slowly builds until Wei Wuxian slides upwards with every thrust and his hands tug at the pillow covers in desperation. Lan Wangji realises and holds Wei Wuxian’s hip with one hand, while the other raises his leg onto his shoulder. With the new angel, Lan Wangji thrusts deeper and harder. 

“L- Lan Zhan, closer-” Lan Wangji obeys and leans down. Wei Wuxian hoops his connected arms around his neck and kisses the spot where his neck connects to his shoulder. Then, he bites. 

Lan Wangji inhales sharply and throws his head back, allowing Wei Wuxian access to more skin. Wei Wuxian litters Lan Wangji’s neck with blooming hickeys and moans against jade-like skin. 

Wei Ying ,” Lan Wangji is growling, and his fingers press into the flesh of Wei Wuxian’s thigh as he reaches his limit, “Wei Ying, I’m close.” 

Wei Wuxian cups Lan Wangji’s cheek and kisses him. “Me too,” he mouths against his lips. 

“T- Together.” 

Wei Wuxian nods and Lan Wangji wraps his pretty fingers around his hard cock. Wei Wuxian’s already leaking, but Lan Wangji is dangerously close. He strokes Wei Wuxian to the rhythm of his hips and Wei Wuxian cries out when they cum. 

“L- Lan Zhan, kiss,” Wei Wuxian sighs in bliss when Lan Wangji kisses him post-orgasm. 

Wei Wuxian is completely fucked out. His hair scatters across the pristine pillows like dark ink over white paper, and his eyes are unfocused. His lips make Lan Wangji groan. They’re shiny with spit and slightly parted, panting with the adrenaline running in Wei Wuxian’s veins. His face is scarlet, but the skin on his neck is white with reds and purples blossoming through. 

Lan Wangji kisses the marks he left and pulls out. He ties off the condom and leaves Wei Wuxian momentarily to discard it. Wei Wuxian makes sure to whine the whole time Lan Wangji is not tucked beside him and lulling him to sleep. 

“Lan Zhan, come back.” 

Lan Wangji gives a puff of laughter when he comes back with a clean towel. After cleaning him up, he unties him and finally, slides into bed with him. There’s some splattering on the bed sheets, but Lan Wangji is sure Lan Xichen won’t ask too many questions. 

Wei Wuxian drowns in Lan Wangji’s warmth. He snuggles his nose against Lan Wangji’s chest and tangles their legs together like the king-sized bed is a single. Lan Wangji, in turn, holds his body flush against his and combs his fingers through his hair, the comforting movement slowly making Wei Wuxian drowsy. 

“Lan Zhan,” Lan Wangji hums, “I like it when you kiss me, not on the lips. ‘S cute,” Wei Wuxian slurs as he falls in and out of sleep. 

Lan Wangji gives him a kiss on his forehead and kills the lights. 

When Wei Wuxian wakes up the next morning, it’s from the shifting on the other side of the bed. “Lan Zhan ,” Wei Wuxian whines and grabs blindly. He catches a wrist. 


“Sleep,” Wei Wuxian peeks through his eyelids but immediately shut them from the glaring sunlight, “with me, longer.” 

“It’s 7.” 

“Bitch, that’s even more of a reason to come back to bed.” 

Lan Wangji removes his hand from his wrist and tucks him in, tightly. Wei Wuxian groans. “Why do you have to wake up so early?” 

“The Lan family rule, ‘Sleep at 9 Wake at 5’.” 


Lan Wangji chuckles quietly and turns to the bathroom. Wei Wuxian rolls out of his fluffy cage and reaches for him. When he doesn’t catch him, he whines. “I’ll get up, help me. I can’t stand.” Wei Wuxian opens his eyes just as Lan Wangji’s chest puffs up with pride. “Oi, don’t get cocky. Help me, please.” 

Lan Wangji patiently helps him to the bathroom and finds him an extra toothbrush. 

After washing up, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian exit the room to two people in the kitchen. Lan Xichen, making eggs, and Lan Qiren, drinking tea. Wei Wuxian hides behind Lan Wangji. 

Lan Qiren looks up and proceeds to glare at Wei Wuxian. 

“Hi?” Wei Wuxian gives a timid wave. It’s proven not effective when Lan Qiren ignores him and goes back to his newspaper. 

“Good morning Uncle,” Lan Wangji greets with a bow and all, 90 degrees and hands folded neatly. 

Wei Wuxian tries to mimic him. “Good morning Uncle!” Lan Qiren proceeds to choke on his tea. 

After Lan Xichen calms his uncle, Lan Qiren looks from Wei Wuxian to Lan Wangji. “Are you sure you want this one?” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

“Aw, babe!” Wei Wuxian kisses him on the cheek and sits down uncomfortably beside Lan Qiren. Wei Wuxian looks at Lan Xichen and grins. “He said he loves me.” 

“Aw, Wangji!” Lan Xichen makes an attempt at a hug, which Lan Wangji avoids with a familiar dodge. “So, no more drinking?” 

Lan Wangji glares at his brother. Wei Wuxian’s already skilled in pinpointing Lan Wangji’s expressions, and with his pink ears, he’s currently flustered. 

“I love you too.” 

Lan Xichen coos at them while Lan Wangji turns scarlet. Lan Qiren pretends he doesn’t hear nor see anything. Lan Wangji makes Wei Wuxian a sunny-side up.

Nie Huaisang is quite literally the epitome of Wei Wuxian’s past good deeds harvested. 

Wei Wuxian’s 26th birthday did not fall on a weekend, so Nie Huaisang makes use of the extra time they had to make his birthday a Halloween spectacle. Wei Wuxian would die for this tiny man. 

Nie Huaisang invites the 20-or-so people they knew and makes the whole thing a costume competition. The prize is 5 bottles of Emperor’s Smile. Wei Wuxian will take any excuse to put on a suit. 

At the height of the party where the music isn’t trash because it’s Wei Wuxian’s personal playlist, Nie Huaisang hands him the mic and Wei Wuxian makes himself known by climbing onto the couch. “Hey everybody, it’s my birthday!” The room cheers and raises their glasses. 

Wei Wuxian scans the room. 

Wen Ning is dressed as a character from a popular xianxia cartoon, Ghost General. He would know because it’s Jin Ling’s favourite show. He made a big effort with the makeup; the skin visible is painted grey and dark veins decorate his neck. Wen Qing is dressed as the doctor from the show, which Wei Wuxian thinks is redundant because Wen Qing already is a doctor. 

Nie Huaisang, currently making out with Hot Pizza Delivery Guy™ - whose name Wei Wuxian recently found out is Mo Xuanyu - is dressed as Britney Spears. Moving the fuck on. 

Nie Mingjue, under Wei Wuxian’s very specific requests, is dressed as the first JoJo. Furthermore, he, under Nie Huaisang’s very constant whining, has hot pink nails that Nie Huaisang personally painted. Meng Yao - who Wei Wuxian has no idea when, why, and how he got into the mansion - is dressed as an emperor from the Zhou Dynasty. 

Wei Wuxian still doesn’t know who Jiang Cheng is supposed to be but he’s having a great time talking to Jiang Yanli, who’s dressed as Rose to Jin Zixuan’s Jack. 

“If you’ll look to the quiche table you’ll see my beautiful shijie,” Wei Wuxian announces, and Jiang Yanli waves with a big grin on her face, “you’ll also see Mr Peacock, her husband, who has my permission to deck any one of you hormonal assholes if you disrespect my shijie.” 

Jin Zixuan rolls his eyes and raises his glass of orange juice. 

The party isn’t too crowded and isn’t too hot, the lights aren’t an obnoxious red and the mansion isn’t trashed. It’s Wei Wuxian surrounded by people who love him and he, in turn, would kill for these people. Don’t tell his shijie. 

Just as Wei Wuxian is about to complain, Lan Xichen, who’s in a very normal-looking button-up and slacks, and Lan Wangji enter the mansion. 

Jumping, Wei Wuxian shouts into the mic, “Lan Zhan!” He kind of hears Jiang Cheng screaming at him to shut up but he could care less. “Look everyone, that handsome bunny is my husband!” 

Lan Wangji shoves people out of his way - and he’s less polite about it than his brother - to get to the couch Wei Wuxian is currently at. Wei Wuxian is staring because Lan Wangji is dressed as Judy Hopps and he has bunny ears . Wei Wuxian squeals. 

“I’m sorry he’s your what ?!” 

Jiang Cheng - how in the six realms - reaches Wei Wuxian before Lan Wangji and grabs him by the collar before he could escape. 

“Repeat that, slowly,” Jiang Cheng threatens. 

“We eloped, got married a week ago,” Wei Wuxian says all of this into the mic, and there are people screaming. Nie Huaisang, it’s Nie Huaisang, he’s the one screaming. “It was in our childhood temple, in Yunmeng.” 

Looking into Jiang Cheng’s eyes, Wei Wuxian can see all the questions he has, so he answers with a short sentence. 

“Remember shijie’s wedding?” 

While his shijie looked like a literal goddess at her wedding, it was stuffy, too grand and shiny for anyone’s liking except her in-laws’, and Wei Wuxian will forever be traumatised by the amount of pretentious assholes at that wedding. 

“At least tell us you dipshit!” Jiang Cheng punches Wei Wuxian’s shoulder, but doesn’t blame him for trying to avoid another Jin-Jiang wedding. “You better have pictures.” 

“I do, actually, but they aren’t of the ceremony.” 

Before Jiang Cheng could make up his mind about whether or not to push Wei Wuxian to his very short death, Wei Wuxian jumps off the couch and throws himself at Lan Wangji. 

“You look very hot.” 


Lan Zhan!” That’s not Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian is shameless, but he isn’t that shameless. What ultimately happens is Jiang Cheng throws himself at Lan Xichen and presses a wet smooch onto his lips. 

Wei Wuxian takes in Jiang Cheng’s simple red t-shirt and skinny jeans and gasps. “You did not!” 

Lan Xichen is trying very hard to stifle his smile, Wei Wuxian would think he’s having a stroke with the way his lips are twitching if the situation isn’t absolutely scandalous . Lan Xichen wears blue and Lan Wangji wears white, everyone knows this. It’s their thing, but blue isn’t really all that different from white so Wei Wuxian only has himself to blame for not noticing Lan Xichen’s white button-up. 

“Wei Ying.” Lan Xichen gets extra points for the performance, which is an expressionless stare. 

“Lan Zhan!” Jiang Cheng mockingly faints in Lan Xichen’s arms and the latter catches him, face a careful blank. 

Lan Wangji thinks it’s hilarious

“No, stop laughing!” Wei Wuxian smacks Jiang Cheng and then Lan Wangji, who’s smiling. “Not you too! You’re my husband!” Lan Wangji wraps an arm around Wei Wuxian’s waist and kisses his temple in an attempt to ease his sulking. It does not work. 

Wei Wuxian is so getting back at Jiang Cheng next year. 

Nie Huaisang brings the party back on schedule by ushering Wei Wuxian back onto the couch to announce the winner. Of course Wen Ning wins, the boy even roars his best roar in an attempt to sound intimidating. They all find it adorable. 

“So, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian swings a key Nie Huaisang gave him in front of Lan Wangji’s face, “let’s get cake!” 

Lan Wangji is wearing a police uniform, completed with a ‘bulletproof’ vest, plastic baton, and carrot pen. Lan Xichen helped him sew a bunny tail onto the pants and Wei Wuxian loves this man with his whole heart and soul. 

Wei Wuxian is supposed to be Sebastian from Black Butler, but he really just needed an excuse to wear a tight 3-piece suit. 

“Mn,” Lan Wangji says, pulling Wei Wuxian close to him by the waist and swaying not at all in time to the beat of the music, “I want to have sex with you in that suit.” 

Wei Wuxian should, by all means, be used to Lan Wangji saying the dirtiest things with his blank face, but he is not. “W- Whoa, okay hot stuff. But not before cake. After cake we can fuck, Nie Huaisang gave us a guest room.” Wei Wuxian tucks the key into his breast pocket and pulls Lan Wangji towards the table with cake in the middle of the room. 

“Oi Wei Wuxian, blow out your candles.” 

“Yes, Wei Wuxian,” Wei Wuxian cheekily replies Jiang Cheng. 

Jiang Yanli holds out the cake and Wei Wuxian blows out all 26 (yes 26, Nie Huaisang is a fancy bitch) candles in one deep, hard breath. For the first time in a long time, Wei Wuxian is celebrating his birthday with his shijie. Jin Zixuan is also here, but Jiang Yanli is the main reason Wei Wuxian feels like he’s gonna cry so let’s focus on that. 

As she’s passing out cake with Wei Wuxian, he hears her mutter to Jin Zixuan, worrying about Jin Ling and how the babysitter’s holding up. “He’ll be fine,” Wei Wuxian says, patting her shoulder, “he’s my nephew, you should be more worried about the babysitter.” 

“If he takes after you at all, we should be worried about the house,” Jiang Cheng chimes in, earning a giggle from Jiang Yanli. 

Wei Wuxian sees Lan Wangji without cake and pulls him over. “Lan Zhan, have some cake. It’s my favourite, black forest. You can’t go wrong with chocolate and cherries.” 

“Are you going to have cake and then disappear again, Wei Wuxian?” 

Wei Wuxian argues, “I wasn’t feeling it last year, I got dumped by a bitchass motherfucker and I just wanted McDonald’s.” 

The Lan family has a hundred rules on eating etiquette and Lan Wangji ignores all of them, dipping a finger into the cream and putting it into his mouth. Wei Wuxian’s snarky remarks die in his throat as he watches. Lan ‘Public Sexual Displays are Forbidden’ Wangji keeps his stare and carefully licks the edges of his lips. 

“Oh my god, they’re eye-fucking.” 

That apparently works because Wei Wuxian snaps out of it to smack Jiang Cheng. “A-Jie, Jiang Cheng is making fun of me!” 

“They’re totally eye-fucking each other!” Jiang Cheng laughs and dodges him. “Any longer and he’ll pop a boner.” 

Lan Wangji catches Wei Wuxian’s plate of cake before he can drop it and now allows him to chase Jiang Cheng with empty hands. “Hey no fair!” 

Lan Xichen takes the plate Jiang Cheng shoves into his hands and smiles. “You always throw such fun parties, Nie-gongzi.” 

Nie Huaisang pats himself on the back. “Just another day’s work, Professor.” 

Wei Wuxian catches Jiang Cheng, then realises that if he’s close enough to smack Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng’s close enough to smack him. He gets himself caught in a choke hold, like an idiot.

The party - unlike most parties - is growing slow. The kind of slow that makes you want to sip wine and wax poetry about your lover’s hair. Maybe that’s too specific. 

The crowd is littered around the mansion, finishing off their wine and the last of the cake. Romantic music is on, quiet ballads and lo-fi tunes. Everyone is feeling slightly lazy and the aftermath of drunken happiness, some weird form of satisfaction not unlike finishing off the last of your mom’s warm soup. 

Giggling, Wei Wuxian lets Lan Wangji corner him against the guest room door and kiss him silly. “We should- mn, get inside first.” 

Lan Wangji grunts and impatiently feels around for the knob while not willing to remove his lips from Wei Wuxian’s sweet skin. He licks downwards, onto Wei Wuxian’s neck and Wei Wuxian lets him. 

“You’re never gonna find that knob.” 

Lan Wangji pouts and finally straightens up, taking the key and unlocking the door. He pushes inside and Wei Wuxian laughs at the way the bunny tail bobs as he walks. It’s so adorable Wei Wuxian feels like he could die. 

Wei Wuxian locks the door behind them and they immediately resume where they left off, which included Lan Wangji sucking hickies the size of golf balls onto Wei Wuxian’s neck. Wei Wuxian lets him, letting out soft moans every time he bites just a little too hard. 

“So, Lan-gege, what do you want to do today?” Wei Wuxian asks, running his hand through Lan Wangji’s impossibly soft hair and trailing down the nape of his neck. Lan Wangji shivers. 


Wei Wuxian feels a hand palm from his waist to his ass and grope, making him yelp and then chuckle. “You have to answer, I can’t read your damn mind.” 

Lan Wangji slowly removes himself from his husband and wipes away the excess drool on his chin. 

Now, with Lan Wangji under the harsh white light of the room, Wei Wuxian sees red ears and flushed cheeks, and Lan Wangji is probably having some filthy thoughts with shame like that written all over his face. 

“Ooh, you want to do something naughty,” Wei Wuxian teases, and Lan Wangji brings his hand up to cover his blush. “C’mon, is it rimming? Roleplay? Toys? Ooh, what kind of toys?” 

“You… in… me… like… um…” Lan Wangji promptly gives up and fully buries his face in his hand, flappy ears flopping over. 

Wei Wuxian blinks and grins, mad and wide. “Lan Zhan, do you want me to fuck you?” 

Lan Wangji swallows when Wei Wuxian says it and nods, slowly. His ears flail as he nods. Carefully, Lan Wangji peeks through his fingers to see Wei Wuxian’s reaction. Wei Wuxian is going to die of a heart attack. 

Wei Wuxian removes Lan Wangji’s hands and kisses him, licking into his mouth. Lan Wangji lets out quiet moans and suckles on Wei Wuxian’s tongue. When they break apart, Wei Wuxian is breathless from a lot of things but all of them have to do with this gorgeous man standing in front of him right now. 

Lan Wangji interlaces their hands. “Fuck, you’re gonna kill me.” 

Lan Wangji smiles. 

They get onto the bed and Wei Wuxian starts stripping, Lan Wangji stops him with the most embarrassed look Wei Wuxian has ever seen him make. “Right, the suit.” Wei Wuxian tugs off his tie and pops a few buttons, Lan Wangji’s eyes follow. “So, uh, can you keep the ears on?” 

Lan Wangji fidgets with his bunny ear and raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, it’s so adorable, it’s almost illegal.” 

Lan Wangji blushes, again, and looks away. With some of Wei Wuxian’s help (because he can’t keep his hands to himself), Lan Wangji strips almost completely, leaving the white bunny ears on. 

Wei Wuxian holds Lan Wangji’s narrow waist (which is impossibly thin in contrast with his shoulders) and ghosts his lips on his earlobe. “I’m gonna make you feel good, okay love?” 

Lan Wangji shudders and Wei Wuxian can feel it from his fingertips. “Mn.” 

Wei Wuxian trails kisses down Lan Wangji’s neck and nibbles on flawless skin. Lan Wangji is on his knees, body jerking and jumping from every slight movement of Wei Wuxian’s lips. His cock is standing tall and proud between his legs, and Lan Wangji really wishes Wei Wuxian will pay some attention to the little guy. 

Wei Wuxian’s lips drive Lan Wangji nuts, just batshit crazy. Soft, supple, hidden teeth on skin; those lips are Lan Wangji’s undoing and making. 

Lan Wangji tugs impatiently on Wei Wuxian’s jacket. He’s been patient all night, he deserves this; he deserves Wei Wuxian fucking him into the sheets until he’s high on ecstasy. 

“Okay, alright love,” Wei Wuxian coos and runs his hands over Lan Wangji’s ass, “lay down, please.” 

Lan Wangji is laid down on carefully arranged pillows that propped him up enough to see Wei Wuxian retrieve lube and condoms from the nightstand. Nie Huaisang is a man who thinks ahead. 

Embarrassed and heart thumping in his ears, Lan Wangji pulls his knees against his chest and all Wei Wuxian is capable of doing is stare. He lets out a breathless gasp. 

“Shit, I’m gonna die and you’re the cause.” 

Lan Wangji lets out a whine and pouts. 

Wei Wuxian pours lube onto his fingers and runs it over Lan Wangji’s hole. The latter gasps and shivers at the cold finger. “Lan Zhan, have you done this before?” Lan Wangji looks away. “...fuck, did you- did you play with yourself?” A nod. “You finger yourself?” Another nod. 

A finger pushes in and Lan Wangji feels his nerves catch on fire. 

“Were you thinking of me?” Too preoccupied with his fingers stroking his insides, Lan Wangji is surprised when Wei Wuxian’s velvet voice appears beside his ear. “Were you thinking of me fucking you?” His finger presses against a spot, a vulnerable spot that only Lan Wangji ever touched himself and he moans. 

Y- Yes .” 

“Fuck, fucking hell Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian’s hot breath hits his ear and Lan Wangji wishes he’d go faster. 

“Another, p- please.” 

The crack in Lan Wangji’s voice is delicious and Wei Wuxian obliges, slipping a second finger into the mix. 

With his hair splayed across the pillows and the most unhinged Wei Wuxian has ever seen him, the streak of pale blue cut through the midnight dark hair. He picks up the ribbon and plays with it for a moment, twirling it in his hand. 

“Lan Zhan, may I?” 

Lan Wangji nods. 

With a tug, Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon comes loose and Wei Wuxian takes it off him. He decides that a better spot for it would be around Lan Wangji’s neck, the metal pendant sitting between delicate collar bones. 

“Hold on,” Lan Wangji groans when Wei Wuxian removes his fingers, needing his hand to tie the ribbon. His bow is messier, but Lan Wangji’s blush deepens when he realizes what he did. “There, you look so pretty.” 

Lan Wangji turns away, hiding his red face in the pillow and under his bunny ears. 

While he’s too distracted by his own embarrassment, Wei Wuxian puts his fingers back where he left off and Lan Wangji gasps. 

Lan Wangji doesn’t have a chance to collect himself and hold what little left of his self-control together and whines at the curve of Wei Wuxian’s fingers. Wei Wuxian thinks it’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen. 

“W- Wei Ying.” 

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian replies, adding another finger. Lan Wangji arches off the bed, and Wei Wuxian wants to make him arch into him again and again, body chasing pleasure like winter chasing spring. He curves his fingers again, pressing into the spot that he knows makes Lan Wangji see stars. 

“Kiss,” Wei Wuxian won’t have heard him if he isn’t drinking in all his beautiful sounds with the intensity of a predator watching prey. 

So he leans in and kisses him. 

Lan Wangji whimpers against his mouth, eyebrows furrow in focus of Wei Wuxian’s fingers working him open and Wei Wuxian’s tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth. At some point, their sucking sounds and the wet fingers fucking Lan Wangji open are unrecognisable from each other, too loud in the too hot room. Their tongues intertwine and when Wei Wuxian pulls away, Lan Wangji’s tongue is more in his lover’s mouth than his own. 

With a strong grip on Wei Wuxian’s wrist and stopping his thrusting, Lan Wangji stares and Wei Wuxian somehow understands. He smirks. 

“Okay love, be patient.” 

Lan Wangji makes an offended sound. 

“I know, but I don’t want this to hurt.” 

Lan Wangji’s eyes soften and he blushes. 

“I’m gonna have my dick in you dude, it’s way past getting embarrassed.” 

At this, Lan Wangji raises an amused eyebrow. “Wei Ying, we’re married.” It is very much past embarrassing and blushing like a teenager, but Lan Wangji can’t help it. 

Wei Wuxian looks up from the condom and has the audacity to look surprised. “That’s right, I forgot.” Lan Wangji actually snorts and Wei Wuxian lightly slaps his foot. “You knew I was an idiot before we got married, you’re stuck with me.” 


Lan Wangji’s hum sounds content, and it raises a wave of endearment in Wei Wuxian. 

“You’re adorable, did you know that?” 

“Yes, I am aware. You say it at least twice a day.” 

Wei Wuxian unzips his pants and pulls out his erection, rolling the condom on with a devilish grin. “I don’t say it enough.” 

Lan Wangji swallows and shifts in his spot, his bunny ears bouncing. 

His hands are still holding onto his legs, spread open so prettily for Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian makes a show of kissing his bunny ears before bracing his hands on Lan Wangji’s thighs and pressing his head against his entrance. 

The lube is cold and makes Lan Wangji inhale sharply. Wei Wuxian pushes in and the burn balances it out deliciously. 

Wei Wuxian watches the way Lan Wangji’s face morphs from one pleasurable expression to another, each striking a chord deep inside him. “Look at you, my adorable little bunny,” Wei Wuxian noses the side of Lan Wangji’s face as he tried to control his erratic breathing. 

Lan Wangji is tight and warm around him and Wei Wuxian is gritting his teeth trying to keep it slow. 

Wei Wuxian strokes Lan Wangji’s thigh and kisses his nose, waiting for him to adjust and relax. Once he does, Wei Wuxian fully sheaths himself inside him, and Lan Wangji arches into him. 

“Fuck, aren’t you the fucking cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Wei Wuxian whispers beside Lan Wangji’s ear. As his hand strokes Lan Wangji’s inner thigh, Lan Wangji shudders and moans his name. 

Wei Ying .” 

Oh. Oh shit. Wei Wuxian is losing his mind. 

Wei Wuxian strokes his inner thigh again, repeating the movement until Lan Wangji is clenching and unclenching around him, repeating his name like a prayer. “Oh, my little bunny has sensitive thighs.” 

Lan Wangji glares, but it’s ineffective considering Wei Wuxian’s dick is inside him and his face is as red as saffron. 

“It’s cute,” Wei Wuxian assures him as he pecks the glare from between his eyebrows, “may I?” 

Lan Wangji nods and lets Wei Wuxian hold his legs in place while his hands move to clasp around Wei Wuxian’s biceps. 

Wei Wuxian moves, and rolls his hips against Lan Wangji’s ass, making slow, shallow thrusts into him. Lan Wangji lets out a small whine each thrust, feeling Wei Wuxian’s cock rubbing against his sensitive spot. 

Slowly, Wei Wuxian pulls out more and thrusts deeper, drawing out louder moans from Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji arches into him whenever he hits the spot just right, and Wei Wuxian aims for it. Lan Wangji’s lean body arching into a graceful curve is a blessing and Wei Wuxian has too much to repent for. 

The metal pendant in the crevice between Lan Wangji’s collar bones dance with every thrust, moving in time with Wei Wuxian. It’s glittery under harsh lights. 

Lan Wangji’s breathy “ ah, ah… ” might be the most erotic sound Wei Wuxian has ever heard and he is insatiable. Lan Wangji’s hands move from his arms to around his neck and Wei Wuxian is going faster, determined to draw out more sounds, more pretty arches of backs from Lan Wangji. The pendant jumps and falls over the edge of Lan Wangji’s slender neck, disappearing from sight and pulling the ribbon taunt against his pale skin. 

Wei Wuxian moves a bunny ear out of Lan Wangji’s face and kisses the corner of his lips. “Are you going to cum, Lan Zhan?” 

Lan Wangji whimpers and nods. 

“For me? So cute,” Wei Wuxian coos. His hips snap particularly hard, and he stops. 

Lan Wangji actually hits him. 

“Ow,” Wei Wuxian’s mouth is complaining but he’s eyes have a cheeky glint in them. It irritates Lan Wangji. “Is my little bunny mad?” 

Lan Wangji has half a mind to bite his husband, but he’s too far gone on Wei Wuxian’s cock to consider it. “Why did you stop?” 

“I like seeing you frustrated.” Well, at least he’s honest about it. Wei Wuxian grins and Lan Wangji glares. “Maybe I’d like to see you beg.” 

A chill goes down Lan Wangji’s spine at Wei Wuxian’s dark eyes and he gulps. “Please…” 

Wei Wuxian hums playfully. “Please what?” 

Lan Wangji grabs his collar and pulls a surprised Wei Wuxian close. Lan Wangji looks properly fucked out; half-lidded eyes, red lips, and a thin layer of sweat on jade-like skin. “Please fuck me, hard.” 

Lan Wangji knows Wei Wuxian is weak to his dirty talk, and Wei Wuxian regrets giving Lan Wangji so much power. 

Understandably, Wei Wuxian is awe-struck and frozen. Therefore, Lan Wangji decides to take the situation into his own hands. 

Wei Wuxian is snapped out of his head by Lan Wangji rolling his hips and moaning from his own ministrations. Lan Wangji’s moans, unlike Wei Wuxian’s, are deep and almost growl-like. The sounds come from deep within his chest and pierces whatever’s left of Wei Wuxian’s restraints. 

Lan Wangji is busy fucking himself on Wei Wuxian’s dick, but it isn’t nearly enough. He wants Wei Wuxian to fuck him deep and thoroughly, he wants Wei Wuxian to pound him into the guest room bed until everyone notices he walks funny tomorrow. 

Lan Wangji wants

Wei Wuxian stills him with a warning grip on his thigh. “Okay bunny, whatever you want.” 

Lan Wangji moans at his growl and screams at the hard thrust that comes after. Wei Wuxian establishes a brutal pace, harder and faster than the last. Lan Wangji is gasping for breath and letting out moans that sound like screams echoing off the plain walls.  Wei Wuxian feels the sting as Lan Wangji digs his nails into his back, to hold on or to keep him close it’s unclear. The grip Wei Wuxian has on Lan Wangji’s thighs tighten in his attempt to keep him from sliding on the sheets, and it doesn’t work but Lan Wangji’s thighs will definitely bruise the shape of Wei Wuxian’s hands tomorrow. 

Ah- Ah, Wei Ying !” Wei Wuxian kisses Lan Wangji deeply and slurps up all the delicious sounds he’s making. “Wei Ying! Ah, ah, f- feels g- good!” 

“I’m here,” Wei Wuxian pants into his ear, a permanent smirk plastered on his face. “Say Wei-gege.” 

“W- Wei-gege, Wei-gege,” Lan Wangji gasps, head blurry from pleasure and the taste of chocolate on Wei Wuxian’s tongue. “Wei-gege, I’m close, I’m so close.” 

“Hmm? Are you?” 

Lan Wangji grabs Wei Wuxian’s bicep and almost cries. He can’t have him stop again, he can’t. He’s so close he feels like he might explode. 

The strip of blue across Lan Wangji’s neck is among quickly blossoming marks. Wei Wuxian’s eyes darken. Seeing something sacred tainted like that excites him. 

Wei Wuxian decides that Lan Wangji has had enough, and sits up, pushing his legs against his chest and fucking Lan Wangji right into the mattress. His effort makes his chest pull his shirt taut, and his jacket sleeves strain against muscle. Lan Wangji drinks in the view and tugs at the sheets under him. 

Lan Wangji is going to come untouched. 

With a last, hard thrust, Lan Wangji cums and the ribbons of white decorate his broad chest in strokes, some even splattering on his chin. Lan Wangji is still moaning as Wei Wuxian chases his own orgasm, cumming soon after. 

Wei Wuxian slowly pulls out and ties off the condom, crumbling onto Lan Wangji and letting the cum act as glue between their bodies. “Hmm, Lan Zhan.” 


Wei Wuxian snuggles against the crook of Lan Wangji’s neck and hums, content. “Can we keep the bunny ears? I like them.” 

Lan Wangji hits Wei Wuxian - the second time that night - and Wei Wuxian just laughs. 

“It was hot! I’m sorry but you were so sexy,” Wei Wuxian whines but Lan Wangji is having none of it. “I love you.” 


“You gotta say it back love, it’s only fair.” 

Lan Wangji gives Wei Wuxian a glare and he finally begrudgingly rolls off him and goes to the bathroom to clean them up. 

After wiping both of them clean, Wei Wuxian gets his chance to cuddle his husband and he does it skilfully, making Lan Wangji let out a sound akin to a purr against his hair. 

“I love you too.” 

The phrase is muttered into his hair and Wei Wuxian smiles against Lan Wangji’s chest, entangling their legs and interlacing their fingers. The matching platinum bands on their ring fingers gleam in the dark. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are lull to sleep by the scent of tea and a comfortable weight on their waists.