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Tetrahydrocannabinol Dexterity Part I

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“You’ve smoked weed, right?” Abed asked on the car ride back to Jeff’s place after lunch.

“Yeah?” Jeff answered, mostly confused where the question was coming from. “In high school, and a handful of times since.”

“Is it fun?”

“Eh, it’s alright, but alcohol’s always been my vice of choice. Why?”

Abed considered that. “Drinking’s okay I guess, but I’ve only times I’ve ever gotten seriously drunk were with you.”

“I do love getting seriously drunk.” Jeff admitted.

“They just make weed look really fun in movies. And on That 70’s Show. So I’ve always sort of wanted to try it.”

“We can if you want,” Jeff said. “I’m sure Britta will tell us where to go.”

“She gets her weed from Starburns.” Abed told him, and Jeff wondered how exactly he knew that. “Says it’s cheaper than the dispensary. And something about capitalism and the war on drugs, I stopped listening pretty fast.”

Jeff nodded in understanding at that part.

“I can text him, but you’re gonna have to tell me what to say. It’s not exactly a social situation I have much experience in.”

“You have his phone number?”

“You don’t?” Abed asked.

“No. Do you guys talk?”

“Sometimes.” Abed answered, which was a little vague, but he didn’t elaborate.

“Alright well I don’t fucking know.” Jeff said. “Just ask him if he’s got weed.”

“Cool cool cool. Do you have weed?” Abed mumbled to himself before hitting send.

“Straight to the point—” Jeff started.

“He answered.” Abed interrupted. “Asked if I want prerolls or nug and I don’t know what that means.”

“Like, rolled joints or just weed.” Jeff explained, gesturing with one hand in what he hoped was a clarifying manner. When Abed didn’t say anything he added, “Just say prerolls.”

“Sounds good. He said he’s at Greendale if we wanna meet him.”

“He’s at school at,” Jeff looked to the car radio. “4:35 on a Saturday?”

“It’s Starburns.” Abed said, and yeah, that was probably explanation enough.

“He said meet him in the supply closet where the possum used to live.”

“Where the hell is that?” Jeff asked.

“It’s next to the room where they teach fly fishing class.”

“Since when was that a location?”

“I dunno, guess since the possum moved out.”


“Alright, lead the way.” Jeff said after they’d parked the car and were entering the main building.

Abed walked Jeff through two hallways before hitting one he swore hadn’t existed before.

“You know the school weirdly well, Abed.” Jeff told him as they took a third left turn into an area that was lit in an off-putting yellow tint and smelled like buttered toast.

“Yeah Pavel and I mapped the whole campus once. None of these classrooms have numbers, I’m not sure the Dean even knows they’re here.”

“That’s Greendale for ya, isn’t it?”

Abed opened a door to a surprisingly large supply closet, where Starburns was sitting on a stool with an old lab table next to him, complete with his lizard in a glass cage.

“Does he live here?” Jeff whispered, leaning into Abed’s ear.

“No, he just hangs out in here.” Abed answered. “I guess he sleeps in here sometimes.” He adds after a second.

“Hey Abed, Jeffrey.” Starburns greeted.

“Can I say hi to Henry?” Abed asked, pointing to the cage.

“For sure.” Starburns said, pulling the lid off the cage.

Abed reached in and carefully picked up the lizard. He held it close, looking at its face for a second then rested it on his sweatshirt, letting its claws catch on the fabric.

“Jeff?” Abed took a step towards him, gently petting the top of Henry’s head with his thumb.

“Um, no thanks.” Jeff said, taking a careful step backwards and almost knocking over a mop.

“Scared, Winger?” Starburns asked, opening his backpack.

“Only a little.” Jeff muttered, but his face was giving him away.

“Well I’ve got like 4 joints here.” Starburns said, displaying a handful of plastic tubes with them each sealed inside.

“That’s plenty.” Jeff said, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. “How much?”

“These are for you guys?” Starburns asked, pointing between the two of them.

“Yeah.” Abed nodded.

“Then don’t worry about it.” Starburns told them, handing them off of Abed, who zipped them into his messenger bag. “I could never make Abed pay for weed. I owe you one anyway,” he said to Abed. “ after you made that eulogy video for me. And for letting me borrow that camera for the cat vs. lizard videos.”

“Thanks.” Abed said, shooting finger guns before carefully pulling Henry’s claws from his sweatshirt and passing him over to Starburns. “See you around.” He said casually, and Jeff closed the door behind them feeling even more confused than he had been before they walked in.

The second they were back at Jeff’s apartment Abed sat down on the couch and pulled out on of the joints, rolling it over between his hands.

“Smells like the inside of Britta’s car.” Abed told Jeff as he sat down with a lighter and a coffee mug, which was the closest thing he had to an ashtray.

“Sounds about right.” Jeff laughed.

Abed handed the joint to Jeff, who lit it and took a puff before passing it back, and Abed held it in his hand for another second, looking at it.

“Just inhale.” Jeff directed, and Abed put the joint to his lips, taking a small hit before blowing out the smoke. “You good?”

“Yeah. How long until I feel it?” He asked impatiently.

“You’ve got a while.” Jeff told him. “Let’s finish this one and worry about the rest later.”

“Cool cool cool.” Abed said, inhaling for a little longer this time. He let the smoke out in a white cloud with a small cough. “This is actually kind of fun. Hurts my throat a little, though.”

“You get used to it.”

Eventually Abed got into the rhythm of it, holding the smoke in his lungs for a minute before blowing it out.

“So are you just friends with everyone at Greendale?” Jeff asked, leaning back on the couch.

“Not everyone, but I’m friendly with some of them, I guess.”

“Like who?” Jeff asked. He wasn’t sure why he was so curious about Abed’s social life, maybe it was just the fact that his social circle consisted of only the study group, and he had sort of assumed the same for Abed, but apparently that wasn’t true.

“I guess Garrett and Pavel mostly. They help me with all my film stuff. We play D&D with Neil, Vicki, and Karl too. Sometimes we play paintball, usually Magnitude comes for that. Starburns and Leonard like to keep me updated on what’s going on around school. Plus the lunch ladies, the A.V. club, Buddy, and the guy in the Human Being suit.”

“You really do have your own side adventures.”

Abed shrugged. “It’s not like you or the study group or anything. They like me so we hang out, but the study group is family. And you’re you.”

Abed grabbed Jeff’s hand when he said it, and when Jeff looked into his eyes they were glassy and a little bloodshot already.

“Do you feel anything?” Jeff asked, leaning closer and Abed laughed.

“I think so, everything’s really warm and fuzzy.” He grinned.

“Like me?”

“Exactly.” Abed said, laying his head down in Jeff’s lap and staring up at him. “You look funny from this angle.” He told Jeff, his finger reaching up to trace the curve of Jeff’s jawline.

It was definitely starting to hit Jeff as well, because when he looked down at Abed all he could do was laugh. “You look funny too.” He told him, pressing a finger over the scar on his nose.

“What do we do now?” Abed asked.


“Can we watch Coco?” He suggested, his voice sounding like it was coming from another planet.

“Is that a kid’s movie?”

“Maybe.” Abed answered, like he truly wasn’t entirely sure. “But the colors are nice and I wanna look at them.”

“Okay.” Jeff grinned, and started to turn on the tv.

“No.” Abed told him, tugging at his shirt. “In your room.”

“Why?” Jeff asked, but he was already getting up and following Abed’s lead.

“We have to be laying down so I can hold you.” Abed explained, throwing himself onto the bed.

“Weird, but not complaining.” Jeff said as he joined him.

Abed grinned and ran his fingers through Jeff’s hair. “Well I know this movie is definitely going to make you cry.”

They didn’t talk much through the movie, and Abed was definitely right, because Jeff did cry, and maybe more than once, but who’s counting? Probably no one other than Abed, who told him it was four times as the credits were rolling.

Jeff picked Spy Kids next, only because he was still a little high and it seemed like a good idea. They watched in silence for a few minutes before Abed spoke.

“Can we stop for a second? I don’t have any stim toys over here and I’m about to start picking my nails apart.”

“This is so comfortable though.” Jeff said, only half-serious, tilting his head to look down at Abed from his angle laying against his chest. He reached over, grabbing one of his hands.

“You know it makes me kinda sad when you do that.” Jeff said quietly, running his fingers over Abed’s cuticles, which have been looking better lately, but were still peeling on some edges and his nails were bitten down.

“I’m trying.” Abed said earnestly. “It makes me sad too. I wish I didn’t have ugly hands.”

“You don’t.” Jeff said, and he knew it wasn’t all that convincing, but he didn’t know how to explain to Abed that they were his hands, and that Jeff thought they were pretty amazing because of that fact alone. That they were the perfect warm shade of brown, and his fingers were long and dexterous and good at plenty of things, many of them not as G-rated as the movie they were watching. And maybe sometimes they were torn up and could get really bad when Abed was more stressed than he’d originally realized, but that only made them more Abed, and it made Jeff want to protect Abed, even if it was only from himself.

“You have really nice hands,” Abed mused, grabbing Jeff’s hand and inspecting it in his own. “I don’t think I’ve ever said anything about it, but I like them a lot.”

Abed’s thumbs were pressing into his palm, massaging it like he did with his stress balls. “That feels really good, actually.” Jeff told him.

“It’s fun. Maybe I don’t need my tangle after all.”

“You can play with my hand all you want.” Jeff grinned.

They didn’t say anything else for a while, just watched, and Abed gently messed with Jeff’s hand, feeling each of his fingers, drawing circles over every muscle on the palm and tracing the veins on the back. It was a calming feeling actually, and Jeff’s focus turned back to the movie for another ten minutes. Eventually Abed was running his teeth over the middle knuckle on Jeff’s pointer finger, and before Jeff could recognize the sensation for what it was, Abed placed the tip of Jeff's finger on his tongue.

Abed?” Jeff asked, and it was supposed to sound like a question but definitely came out more like a moan.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” Abed apologized, moving his lips from Jeff’s hand. “Sometimes I like putting things in my mouth. That’s why I bite my nails. Also, I think I’m still kind of high.”

“It’s okay, definitely okay.” Jeff said, hoping that he could get his point across without getting into a detailed discussion of exactly how much Jeff enjoyed that and why.

“You sure?” Abed asked, still playing with Jeff’s fingers. Jeff gave Abed a thumbs up, which he laughed at, then and he carefully separated his middle finger and ran his tongue down it for a second before putting his lips around it.

They kept going like that for a while longer, and Jeff was trying his hardest to watch the screen, pay attention to this movie because he’d been enjoying himself so far, and telling himself focus, focus, focus, every time Abed did something that made him bite his lip to hold in a whimper. His body gave him away though, because they were only two-thirds of the way through the movie when Abed shifted his hips a little and realized. He pulled Jeff’s thumb out of his mouth to talk.

“You’re hard.” Abed said pointedly.

“You know I hate when you say it like that.” Jeff told him. “It’s like you’re diagnosing me with a boner.”

Abed ignored the comment. “Do you enjoy this? Like, sexually?” He asked, and ran this tip of his tongue along Jeff’s pinkie finger and god he was definitely just being a tease at this point.

“Yeah, wasn’t trying to ruin wholesome high movie night here, but you have an uncanny way of discovering my turn-ons.”

“I like it too.” Abed said, still playing with Jeff’s hand.


“Why do you think I just spent that long with your hand in my mouth?”

“Fair enough.”

“Can we turn off the movie? I can’t corrupt Spy Kids with this.”

“We can watch it later.” Jeff said immediately, and grabbed the remote to shut off the tv.

Abed scooted off Jeff’s lap and held his hand up, long fingers and a pale palm, and Jeff snatched it out of the air. He put Abed’s pointer finger in his mouth in an imitation of what he’d been doing, and swore he could see the way Abed’s eyes darkened while he did it.

Abed smirked and stuck his middle finger in as well. He crooked his fingers a little, pressing the tips into Jeff’s tongue as he dragged them out of his mouth. Jeff let out a soft moan against Abed’s hand.

“You really like this.” Abed observed, running his other hand over Jeff’s lap, where he was only harder now, with just enough pressure that it made Jeff squirm against the mattress.

“Yeah, you discovered my weird thing for hands.” Jeff said. “Are you gonna add it to your files?”

“Definitely.” Abed said offhandedly. He lifted the hem of Jeff’s shirt like it was more order than suggestion, Jeff shifting off the pillows to make it work. Afterwards he reached over and pulled Abed’s shirt off, taking a minute to run his fingertips down Abed’s sides, where his ribs pressed through the skin, and felt Abed shiver under the touch.

Abed leaned forward to kiss him but half-collapsed on his chest instead, not that Jeff minded. He found Jeff’s lips and kissed him desperately, and Jeff let his hands keep wandering. They started in his hair, then worked down Abed’s spine until Jeff slid them both under the waistband of Abed’s jeans. After he did it Abed took a sharp breath and pulled away for a moment to look at him, Jeff’s hands still on his ass under his clothes. “Can we get undressed now?” He asked, and Jeff could recognize this voice, the one where Abed was so turned on he almost sounded robotic.

“Okay, Radar.” Jeff said, knowing the nickname would make Abed kiss him again. He moved his hands from Abed’s jeans and they both pulled off pants and underwear, discarding them on the floor. They were oddly in sync as they did it, and Abed had an imperceptible smile on his face. The best moments of theirs together were usually when they were on the same wavelength like this. Some might call it codependency, but Jeff liked to think it was synergy.

It was definitely synergy, or maybe something more, when Abed leaned over Jeff, putting two fingers in his mouth again. “Spit.” He directed. Jeff listened immediately, and Abed pulled his fingers out, inspecting them clinically for a second before looking at Jeff. “Good?” He asked, and already knowing the question, all Jeff could muster was a nod.

Abed ran his thumb over Jeff’s hole for just a second but he was aching for more, especially considering how long the hand thing had been going on before, and Abed must have known this somehow because he presses his pointer finger in. He keeps going, adding his second finger carefully.

As his fingers start working up a rhythm, he leans forward and presses his thumb to Jeff’s bottom lip. “Open.” Abed demands, and Jeff separates his lips so Abed’s thumb can slide between them.

Things are already getting overwhelming, and Jeff falls in love with Abed’s hands all over again just from the way they’re moving, and how long they are, and that it’s actually a very good thing that Abed has short nails, plus the thumb Jeff has pressed to the roof of his mouth. After another minute of pressing himself down against Abed’s hand, he taps Abed on the back of the hand and he pulls his thumb away.

“Can we get on with it already?” Jeff begged. “You’re kind of dragging this out.”

“I think I like you better with my thumb in your mouth.” Abed shot back, but he grabs the lube from Jeff’s nightstand and wastes no time applying it, ignoring the way Jeff shivers at the temperature, and shifts to line himself up with Jeff’s hole.

As he’s pressing in Jeff’s breath hitches on Abed’s name, and he’s watching the way Abed’s eyelashes flutter when he says it. He works up a rhythm quickly, clearly just as eager as Jeff is. When Jeff taps on his hand again he smirks and puts his thumb back. It’s not long after that Abed comes, eyes glazed over and whispering Jeff’s name, and afterwards he pulls his hand away and studies it.

He doesn’t have to ask what Jeff wants, just hovers between Jeff’s thighs, waiting until he nods in approval. When he does Abed’s lips wrap around Jeff’s dick, and the second they make contact Jeff is already losing his mind, strung out from everything else. He presses his hips up, desperate for more friction, and Abed holds him down with a surprisingly strong forearm. He sinks down to the base for a second before pulling back and wrapping his fingers around Jeff’s cock and sliding them as his head bobs. Jeff comes and Abed doesn’t stop until after he’s ridden the orgasm through and he’s muttering Abed’s name at the ceiling.

“We can turn the movie back on.” Abed suggested after they’d cleaned up and he’d “borrowed” another pair of sweatpants Jeff was sure he would never see again. They settled back on the bed, Abed’s head resting on Jeff’s chest.

“Your hands are fucking magic.” Jeff said as the movie picked back up.

“I think yours might be too.” Abed said, taking one in his hands again and looking at Jeff for approval.

”You can stim with my hand all you want, just know if you ever put it in your mouth I’ll probably lose my mind.”

“Good to know.” Abed said back. “And we should really smoke some more.”

“Did it feel like That 70’s Show?” Jeff asked.

“So much better, actually.” Abed grinned.

“Great, I can’t wait to tell Britta she’s got a new smoking buddy.”