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私の幸せを追い求めて

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“So the concert will be happening for 3 days with the fan meets being focused on the first day and the third day.” The management staff but Tokiya wasn’t really paying attention leaning his head on his hand as he listened to the staff what was going on for his birthday celebration “Icchi, you paying attention?” Ren asked and Tokiya nodded his head. “Yeah I’m paying attention just thinking over the details.” He explained before standing up once the meeting had timed out and walked out of the room

“Ichinose-san, are you alright?” A voice asked and he turned his head noticing his manager was following behind him “I’m fine I’m just tired that’s all this is, thank you for worrying about me Y/N-san” he said smiling as he bowed his head, his one hand resting on his chest.

 

Rehearsals began the next day rather early in the morning and Tokiya was already hard at work and practicing the songs with the choreographers. “He seems different today, maybe his age is catching up with him.” Ren joked leaning against the railing but noticed that Tokiya had stopped his hands resting on his knees as he painted and coughed “Ichinose, did you need a break?” Masato asked tapping on the button so Tokiya would be able to hear him. “No I’m alright, we can keep going.” Tokiya said straightening up, and wiping the bead of sweat off his brow before continuing the routine.

“Hmmm I wonder what’s wrong, Toki is normally really focused and doesn’t worry about things but this time he seems more...” Otoya paused unsure on what to say “Trapped inside his own head?” Reiji asked shaking his head a bit. “Tokiya’s always been a little bullheaded in that regard.” The manager added as they shook their head but their expression softened as they noticed Tokiya’s exhausted expression as he headed off the stage and out of sight.

 

Tokiya sighed as he managed to find himself alone, leaning against one of the trees and glanced up at the sky, his eyes watching as a couple clouds drifted by. “Hmm, it’s a nice day don’t you think?” A voice asked and Tokiya asked noticing a young man dressed in a black sweater and a pair of jeans, a loose fitting white scarf wrapped around his neck “Your voice has been strained quite a bit...” he added casually causing Tokiya to look confused as he watched him. “How would you know that?” Tokiya asked giving him a look. “You can tell when a singers emotions are taking control of them, their eyes start clouding over, they start doubting their own mental and physical health and they start adding expectations onto themselves that they know that they won’t be able to fulfill on their own.” He explained not looking up but then sighed. “All though these are just assumptions, after all your the great Ichinose Tokiya, am I right?” He asked and then frowned as Tokiya looked crestfallen, his gaze looking back up at the sky.

“I’m frightened about being happy, about being the way I am now. All the members of STARISH, Quartet Night and Heavens have been changing all the time and I feel like I have to keep pushing myself over my limits in order to keep up with them because I....” Tokiya bit his lips to stop himself from thinking. “Because you think you’ll turn back into Hayato and not care about singing anymore?” The male asked and let out a sigh. “A lot of the attributes of Hayato are inside you now, some of them are positive and some are negative but you’ve grown stronger as person because of them, haven’t you?” The male asked before turning around and started walking in the other direction “Manager-san, I leave this to you.” He said simply before heading off.

“What a weird person...” Tokiya muttered before turning his head noticing the manager was standing their and looking furious, tears trickling down their beet red face. “Y/N-san? Why are you crying?” He asked looking confused before blinking as they walked over and gripped both of his cheeks in their hands. “Don’t talk like that, stop putting yourself down and overburdening yourself with people’s expectations.” They said firmly, releasing his cheeks before wrapping their arms around Tokiya and just holding onto him. “You don’t have to worry about doing things wrong because people support you...” They muttered.

“I wonder if it’s really okay for me to be so happy...I find it rather frightening...” Tokiya admitted blinking back tears, as he leaned his head on their shoulder “Your allowed to be happy, everyone is...” They muttered holding him tight