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heart on your sleeves

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Shuhua had always been honest, innocent, genuine and showed nothing but her real intentions. Others might find her naïve but Soojin finds it admirable, and she wish she could be the same.


It started like this:


Shuhua asked for more food, and Soojin cooked more. Soojin had always been concious of her body, she didn't think she was thin enough as the beauty standards of korean netizens set on her.


"More?" Soojin asked, to which Shuhua nodded in confirmation. Soojin felt hungry as well, wanting to cook some for herself but then she looks down to her tummy, to her thighs and how fatty and ugly they look, so she shrugs her hunger off and cooked more for the youngest.


Then it continues:


She'd always felt sorry to the members, she's always thought she was always left behind, the one who always makes mistake. But Soyeon says otherwise, tell her she's more professional than their own leader could be, then as usual Yuqi cracks a joke about her making a mistake when she stood in front of Soojin on stage to lighten up the mood.


"I'm sorry." Soojin starts that stopped the echoed laughter in the dorm.


Miyeon was the one to turn off the television and pulled out Minnie's earphones. Minnie was confused at first, looking at Miyeon as if the girl had ruined something, then she looks at where the oldest was looking. Her heart softens.


"What's wrong, Soojin?" The youngest asked, rubbing Soojin's cheek that just made the dancer's breathing more frantic if possible. Soojin thinks she might just explode if this continues. Soojin takes Shuhua's hand and held it against her own.


"I just, I'm sorry I'm not good enough." Soyeon wanted to butt in, to say she was wrong. But this was Soojin's moment and she wanted to hear exactly why the girl had doubts about herself. "Ever since we were trainees, I was always the one late at everything. At mastering the songs, the choreography. And when we were close to our debut and I wasn't the weigh they wanted, and they scold Soyeon for not keeping an eye on me." Her nose had turned red at this point as she sniffles. Shuhua grips her hand in comfort, waiting for her to continue.


"I'm not even as good of a dancer should be. I'm not good like the others, and I screw up the choreography all the time. I'm not a good singer or rapper, maybe that's why my father refused when I said I wanted to be an idol. He wants me to save myself from the embarrassment, and to spare his reputation to his friends when they find out his daughter failed at her delusions. Got accepted to fill the group, nothing else." Soojin turned to them, eyes red and puffy. If she was looking at a mirror, she would definitely hate ugly she looks.


"Hey, that's not true." Minnie says. She wasn't that good of a comforter, to make anyone feel good about themselves because her words mix and she might just make them feel worse. Miyeon could relate.


"Soojin, why would you even think like that?" Soyeon starts. "You're not always late at everything. In fact you're already good and still take the time to master the choreography and our songs, and I admire you for that. You were the perfect weight, healthy. Fuck them for not seeing that. You're the best dancer. Your father was just worried about you, maybe he's just scared because idol life is not as easy, lively, and perfect as the idols are scripted to show. You weren't accepted just to fill the group. You were accepted because you're beautiful, talented, and amazing." Soyeon finished. Soojin smiled a little and nodded at their leader.


"Don't ever doubt yourself, Soojin." It was Shuhua. The feeling of Shuhua gripping her hand and smiled sweetly at her made her heart melt that every walls she keeps rebuilding just tumbles down and left defenseless for Shuhua to walk right in and do whatever she wants with Soojin's heart.


"And who are you to steal my title when I was the one who stood in front of you?" And that crack them up.


And at night, Shuhua sleeps in Soojin's room, whispered nothing but comforting words that made Soojin feel good, beautiful.


Soojin made herself believe it was because the members pitied her, because they were her friends, because they treat her like family— and family always tries to make their family happy. Right?


But 12 years looking back, when Soojin asked if she could have her best friend as her girlfriend, his father was hystherical cursing at the wind. Her mother couldn't look at her, no one told her anything except to drop it.


"Mama, can Seoyeon be my girlfriend? I love her." She smiles so innocently that her mother usually smile at, but the face her mother had was unreadable— perhaps angry.


Then her father looked at her like she commited a crime, like the time when her parents found out she stole a chocolate from the store because they wouldn't let her have candies— or maybe it was worse, because her father is cursing in the wind and shouted at his wife to fix their daughter.


She's always known she looked at girls the way she's only allowed to look at boys. She tried to stop it, tried to hide it. But then a taiwanese girl entered their dorm, introduced herself. Shuhua was different from her, they were completely opposite so she thinks to be only blown away by the younger's beauty was nothing.


"I'm Yeh Shuhua." The girl bowed, obvious that the newcomer only knew a little korean to go around.


But then months later, they were close. Laying on the bed, watching shows as they cuddled dangerously close. Shuhua's face in her neck whenever a funny scene comes on that made Soojin's goosebumps rise.


Shuhua laughs into Soojin's neck, a habit she has whenever a funny scene comes on. Soojin's having a hard time showing that it was nothing to her, but the goosebumps on her arms noticeable.


"Hey, are you okay? Is it too cold?" The younger asked, blinking at her. She didn't know what else to reason like "Oh nothing, the girl I have gay panics for just laughed against my neck and made my goosebumps rise because I'm scared and I'm not supposed to feel this way about her."


"Yeah." Was all she said.


Then years later, they're debuting in the same group, and people started to notice her flaws— and how Shuhua was always there to comfort her, not pushing her to open up but wait for her to say something. And tears continues to fall down her cheeks, and she's having a hard time breathing and forming words to which Shuhua's did not laugh at, but instead wiped away her tears and let her continue.


"I don't even know if being an idol is what I want anymore. I just get tired sometimes, a lot of times and I just want to be better. But I can't, I'm just this." And Shuhua couldn't believe what the girl was saying. The younger girl didn't have space for hate in her heart, but the ones that made this beautiful angel that made her heartbeat skip when they first talked to each other for a whole night, young without scars from the world's cruelty, were excluded.


Shuhua's always clinging to her, and she didn't know what to do. Half of Soojin wanted to tell Shuhua to fuck off because she's having a gay panic everytime she comes close, kissing her cheeks and teasing her by leaning in, to which ended up accidentally lip locking in the practice room. Lights dimmed and they're alone.


"Get off of me!" Soojin screams, laughing.


Shuhua smiles innocently, acting as if she didn't do shit. "Come on, Soojin. Kiss me." She pouts, pulling Soojin by the back of her neck without too much force as an act of a joke.


Soojin gives in, sighing. "Fine." Then Shuhua was leaning in by the time she turns her head. "But just-" And she was met with Shuhua's lips against hers.


Soojin stood frozen. She didn't know what to do. She's kissed Hui before, but she didn't feel this way— Soojin didn't feel her heart beating fast like it's gonna explode any time, knuckles clutched, and not knowing whether to move her lips or pull away.


Shuhua was the one to pull away, bursting into a fit of laughter after a second. Soojin laughed a bit, not knowing how to react to it at all.


Soojin remembers when she was still dating Hui out of curiousty, as to why she doesn't feel nervous, flustered everytime a cute guy stands close to her. And when he picks her up from their house, how his father had his smile that reached his ears, and her mother obviously proud that her daughter did not turn out that way.


"Hey." Hui greets and she smiles, greeting back with a "hey".


"Hi, I'm Hui, Soojin's boyfriend. Nice to finally meet you, Mr and Mrs. Seo." He smiles that charmed her parents like a button switch.


"You're so handsome." Her mother smiles and her father nodded his head to agree as he smile from ear to ear, glad that his daughter has a boyfriend.


"Thank you." Hui laughs shyly.


Soojin was in a deep thought why her parents weren't that angry to the fact that she has a boyfriend. They acted all weird when she wanted to have a girlfriend, and always had their room closed, shouting, turn the television off whenever two of the same sex were too touchy with each other. That's when she understands, it just wasn't acceptable.


Soojin felt more scared when she accidentally said on camera what went between her and Shuhua in the practice room. Then her mother calls her that night, something they don't usually do and asked why she's way too touchy with Shuhua, and that whatever she's feeling she should drop it.


Soojin was scared shitless that she says it was on the script, and her mother hummed and ended the call.


The day after that, Soojin kept her distance and everyone noticed. How wouldn't they? Soojin is always with Shuhua, not even exaggerating when they say there's not a day goes by that the two are not either cuddling or shouting and screaming at each other and suddenly tackle each other out of a blue.


"What's wrong with you and Soojin? Are you guys fighting?" Yuqi decides to question the youngest.


To the older's question, Shuhua shakes her head. "I don't know. Maybe she's just not in the mood." Shuhua was confused why the dancer is suddenly ignoring her. Just yesterday they were having fun, cuddling in Soojin's bed that's been their routine since they were trainees as they watch some variety shows. Shuhua decides to think that maybe the older girl was just stressed and not in the mood. Usually Soojin keeps her distance when she's not feeling good.


"Maybe. It's just unusual seeing you two keeping your distance. I mean, when she's not in the mood she's only keeping her distance with us, but never with you. She just cuddles with you the whole day and talk with us the next." Yuqi has a point though, but Shuhua decides to keep with Soojin just keeping distance because she's not in the mood.


Then the day after that, Soojin is talking with the other members but kept brushing off Shuhua whenever the youngest tried to approach the dancer.


Was it something she said? Was it the kiss they shared? Maybe. But Soojin laughed after that and they even made a joke about it. So maybe it was something else. But Shuhua couldn't pinpoint why the older girl is avoiding her.


"So have she talked to you yet?" Minnie asked, Miyeon sitting beside her. Shuhua figured Yuqi told the two.


Shuhua shook her head, sighing as she became one with the couch. Usually at this time she would be cuddled in Soojin's bed. But that's not happening and she's pretty upset, other members could tell except Soojin.


The dancer is doing everything to avoid the youngest, to Shuhua's displeasure.


"Soyeon said she's gonna talk to Soojin. I don't think this is gonna end well." Miyeon sighed.


Yuqi joins them, taking the seat beside Shuhua.


"I made a joke why you aren't cuddled into Soojin's bed and she ignored me. Like totally as if I wasn't there." Miyeon didn't want to laugh but failed at how Yuqi's eyes are wide open as she tell the tale of Soojin ignoring her.


"Hey!" Yuqi complained, which made Minnie laugh together with Miyeon as the second youngest whined.


Shuhua was still deep in thought, wondering why the hell was Soojin still ignoring her. Maybe she needed to ask her herself. And so she decides, ignoring the three members bickering.


She knocks on Soojin's door, waiting for a respond.


"Open." She heard. Shuhua didn't even know why she gulped, but suddenly she feels nervous and thought about running and beg their leader to ask why the hell her beloved is ignoring her.


She opens the door, showing herself. "Hi." Shuhua sees how Soojin moved uncomfortably and she wanted to just walk out, say sorry for making the older girl uncomfortable. "Are you okay?" She decides to ask.


Soojin hums, nodding her head slightly as she noticeably cluched onto the bedsheet, a habit she has whenever she's nervous. "W-why are you here?" She stuttered. Soojin suddenly felt her breath uneven, and she wanted nothing but the ground to swallow her.


"I just wanna talk." Shuhua sits on the edge of her bed, keeping a safe distance. "Why are you avoiding me?" She drops.


"I'm not avoiding you-" Soojin says defensively, which she picked on that made her shut her mouth. She takes a breath before looking at Shuhua. "I'm not avoiding you. I'm just not in the mood." She reasons, silently begging for Shuhua to buy it.


"But regardless being in the mood or not, you never avoid me." It was the truth. Soojin didn't know what to reason next.


"Maybe I'm just tired. I just want to be alone, okay? Please?" Shuhua didn't know what to say to that, so she decides to respect Soojin's wishes.


"Sure. Just tell me what's bugging you when you're ready, okay?" Soojin nodded at that.


Shuhua was about to leave when Soojin held her hand. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you or anything, okay? I just, please don't be too touchy with me on camera. That's all I ask."


Shuhua wanted to do everything, but she decides to say. "But won't that make our fans confused. We've been glued to each other ever since our debut. I think they'll pick on it right away." She reasoned.


"You're right." Soojin sighed, letting go of the younger's hand. "But make it minimal, please? They're already speculating that we're dating. I don't want feel weird around you. You are my friend after all." That hurt. No matter how much Shuhua liked her, Soojin only looks at her as a friend. Shuhua thinks she's accepted that.


"But it shouldn't make you feel weird if it's not real, right?" The younger questions. Soojin didn't know what to say to that, she felt as if she was caught stealing a chocolate from the store. She didn't know how to get of the situation. At this point she's praying a member would bust in their room so she could continue to ignore Shuhua so she never have to answer that question. Ever.


"Soojin." As if like a miracle, Soyeon walks in with the motive of talking to Soojin about Shuhua. "Oh you're here?" She turns to shuhua. "So have you two talked?" The smallest asked.


"Yes. We're okay now." Soojin answers.


Now Shuhua knows it wasn't just her who had been catching feelings, or maybe she's just assuming it. Because Soojin had never been with a woman, never had a crush on the same gender, all she did was praise another woman which was a normal thing to do. The older girl only had crushes on boys, never on girls.


The moment Soyeon left for them to continue their talk, Shuhua sighed and lowered her gaze to Soojin.


Soojin was scared Shuhua was gonna ask her the same question, but when the younger bids her goodbye and left the room she felt relieved and alone.


Then it's been a week since they've been ignoring each other. They still talk on camera as much, to avoid anyone's suspicion, but never off. Other members have noticed this, but they never try to force Soojin to talk. They just wait for the dancer to open up on her own time.


But then Soojin's father was the one to call this time, and Soojin swears she wet her pants a little bit.


"Soojin, I thought your mom told you about being too touchy with that chinese girl."


"It's what the writers want, Dad. And she's taiwanese."


"They still speak the same thing." Her father reasoned. Soojin couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Are you telling the truth?"


"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Her voice shakes. She hopes it wouldn't sound the same way on the other line.


Her father hummed on the other line. "You better be telling the truth or I will personally kick you out of that group." Then he hangs up.


Soojin sighs in relief before placing her phone on the table.


"Your father made you do it?" That made Soojin jump out of her seat to meet Miyeon's eyes.


She looks down, relieved that it wasn't Shuhua but at the same time wanting it to be the youngest so she wouldn't have to explain why she's avoiding her.


Soojin went back to her seat, Miyeon taking the empty space beside her. "Want to tell me about it?" The eldest asked and she huffs before nodding. At least one knowing about it wouldn't be too bad.


"My parents don't want me to be to close with Shuhua." She starts, to which Miyeon asked why. "When I was a kid, I had this friend, a best friend. She was special to me, really special, like how I should feel about boys." To this, Miyeon nodded for her to continue. Soojin wanted to ask why the older didn't feel weird about it, disgusted, or would just leave right there— she decides to just continue.


"I told my mom I wanted her to be my girlfriend because I loved her that way... but then my dad starts cursing in the wind, told my mom to fix it. What I felt about another girl. I expected my mom to defend me, that there was nothing wrong and it was just a little crush, but she just looks at me. I couldn't read her expression. I didn't know if she was mad or upset, but she just looked at me like I was caught red-handed, that what I did was a crime. I was 9 back then." She paused. She didn't even know she was crying until she felt Miyeon wiping her tears.


"After that, I never said anything about liking anyone because I thought it was about me liking someone. But then when I was a trainee here, when I dated Hui. He met them and they were so happy. That's when I knew it wasn't me liking anyone, it was the fact that I felt something I'm only allowed to feel about boys." She ended.


Miyeon was still processing everything, even releasing, "Wow." Liking the same sex is a taboo in their country, everyone knew that. She didn't expect that Soojin's own parents didn't even support her, knowing she'd receive worse backlash from the world.


"Do you feel weird about it?" Soojin asked ashamed.


Miyeon quickly shakes her head, her hands following. "No, I don't. It's normal, Soojin. And I've always thought your interest weren't limited to boys. Don't feel bad because you like girls the same way boys do. It's normal. It's good." The eldest says, thinking she will mess up if she don't find the right words. She's always felt like liking the same sex was normal, and it shouldn't be judged. Fuck those who can't accept their daughter and people in general for the people they love.


"I just get scared sometimes. A lot of times really." Soojin sniffles, wiping off her tears. "And I've always felt ashamed of who I am. But then I met Shuhua, and I don't know I just felt it was normal, that it felt good to be told I'm beautiful by her, to be told I'm loved, and that liking her was not disgusting as my parents sees it."


"You love her?" Miyeon looks at her.


"Wasn't it obvious?" Soojin asked. "I mean, the fans speculate that we're dating, and even made articles and proofs that I like her, or one of us like the other."


"I guess I always thought you guys were joking. And I thought if there was someone catching feelings it would be Shuhua. The girl never lets anyone cuddle her too much except for you."


"Maybe she was, and despite knowing she is I keep falling. Especially when a lot of times it feels too real." She wanted to answer Shuhua's question, that it's becoming too real that it scares her. It's real that it hurts her. And she just fall, fall, fall.


"I didn't know it ran this deep." Miyeon said, rubbing the girl's back to soothe her. "You should tell her about this. How you really feel." Soojin looks at her, scared. Miyeon feels the girl tremble against her that she feels her heart ache. "At least tell her why you're avoiding her. You can't just brush her off, Soojin. You're the one she's always been close to. I'm not being biased or anything here, I'm just thinking about yours and Shuhua's feelings. You can't just brush her off because you're in love with her. And besides she might feel the same. You might be ruining your chance at a great love without even knowing."


"But she might not feel the same way. I'm scared that she'll feel weird about it, and avoid me and break off our friendship because I'm in love with her." Soojin says, her fear visible.


"Shuhua is Shuhua, she can never avoid you because of anything. You can literally kill someone and she'd still follow you around like a lost puppy." Soojin didn't say anything that Miyeon laughed a bit to lighten up the mood. "Okay maybe I'm exaggerating it, but you know yourself that Shuhua will always love you, even if it's not the way you want her to." Soojin nodded at that.


"I'm just scared. I might talk to her about it, just... not now." She says and the eldest nodded her head before pulling the younger girl close to let the dancer rest her head on Miyeon's shoulder.


It's been two weeks since they've avoided each other, and Shuhua feels like she's literally dying inside. Two weeks without cuddling Soojin, having the dancer's scent filling her nose, hiding her face in Soojin's neck that had the older girl's breathing uneven that she pretends not to notice it and even asked if the girl was cold when Shuhua saw the goosebumps on Soojin's arms.


God, Shuhua was going crazy.


"Hey, are you okay?" Yuqi approached her. "Did you even sleep at all?" Shuhua did not respond to that and just kept her bored stare at the cartoon before her. "Hey!" That got Shuhua to snap out of her thoughts.


"What?" The youngest asked, not a bit interested for what the older has to say.


"I said, are you okay?" Shuhua just nodded at that, which made Yuqi irritated. But she knows what Shuhua is going through so she choose to hold onto the little patience she has. "Did Soojin talk to you?" Shuhua shook her head.


"I don't think she's ever gonna talk to me. I don't even know why she's mad at me."


"Maybe she just wants you to stop flirting with her? That's all she's been saying, maybe she's serious about it now."


"I did. She told me to stop, and I did. Just not on the camera so the fans wouldn't be suspicious."


"And she's still not talking to you?"


"I wouldn't be sulking here if she was."


Yuqi nodded, becoming one with the couch herself.


It's been a month since Soojin talked to Miyeon about it, and Miyeon is highkey telling Soojin to just tell Shuhua something. Just something so the younger girl isn't always locked in her room or sulking in a corner.


"Are you really not gonna talk to her?" Miyeon asked. "I've kept your secret for a month now, Soojin. Just tell her something. You can't avoid her forever."


"I don't- I don't know." Even Soojin knows what she's doing is not right, and not doing any favor for her, Shuhua and the rest of the members. "I need some more time."


"Okay, I understand. But please do it soon. I don't want this to be something that tears us apart. There's nothing wrong with liking girls, Soojin. I'm sure no one, at least not five of us will hate you for it." Miyeon wanted to say anyone, but with how the world handles ones sexuality, she can't deny the truth.


"Is that why you've been avoiding Shuhua." Soojin swears to God if one more of their members eavesdrop on her, she will explode.


It was Yuqi, and it was visible that the girl is not at all happy of what she heard.


"'Yuqi-" Miyeon starts, trying to handle the situation as she's the eldest.


"No, stop." The rapper said, walking towards Soojin. "Do you even know why Shuhua is sulking, why she doesn't even talk to us unless it's necessary or we force her into it?" Soojin didn't know what to say to that.


"Yuqi, please-" It was getting too serious that even Miyeon didn't know what to do.


"Miyeon, stop." Yuqi said before going back to Soojin. "Look, I know you're scared and all because the world is fucked up with beliefs they shove on other people's throat, but you could've at least thought about Shuhua." Miyeon was getting nervous of what was happening so she quickly runs to look for Soyeon, since everyone listens to her.


"Yuqi, I understand that you're angry-"


"Angry? I'm furious. Do you even know how much Shuhua loves you? She's as scared as you, she's never felt anything towards a girl other than you. She's in love with you."


When Soojin's eyes dropped onto Shuhua's eyes, she just froze.


Yuqi quickly turns to see what Soojin was looking at, and when she sees Shuhua, "Shuhua, I'm sorry-"


"That wasn't your place to tell." The youngest says, clearly glaring to where Yuqi was and turned her gaze to the dancer who had tears falling down her cheeks. And Shuhua walked away.


There was a pregnant silence before Soyeon sighs. "You." She points at Soojin. "You are gonna talk to Shuhua, no buts." And she turns to Yuqi, "and you, apologize to Soojin and Shuhua." The leader was clearly angry so the other three did not say another word.


Then late at night Minnie arrives to the dorm after going out with her friends, just to come home to a ghostown.


"What's going on?" Minnie asked the eldest who was dead-quiet playing with her phone.


"It's not my place to tell-"


"I really have to apologize, huh?" Minnie didn't even see Yuqi before who had her head on Miyeon's lap that made Minnie jump.


"Oh my God, that scared me." Minnie says as she holds her hand against her chest.


"Yeah." Miyeon says before petting Yuqi, "I'm sure Shuhua will forgive. You said it out of concern after all. Even if it wasn't your place to tell."


Yuqi sat up, crossing her arms to her chest. "I'm gonna let her cool down for now. I'll talk to her tomorrow." Yuqi says and Miyeon nodded. The younger wraps her arms around Miyeon's waist as she rests her head on Miyeon's shoulder.


Minnie who had no idea what was going on just sat beside Miyeon, doing the same thing as Yuqi.


The next day comes and Soojin didn't feel like getting out of their bed. She had no choice but to talk to Shuhua or she has to deal with an angry Soyeon, and angry Soyeon is not fun even if she's small.


Soojin just sighs as she gets off her bed to do her morning routine. Part of Shuhua's morning routine was annoying the hell out of her by teasing her, calling her beautiful and tell her she loves her. That part made Soojin smile. Because of the younger girl's constant flirting and compliments, she felt good about herself and never questioned her talent and beauty anymore. But remembering how hurt she made the youngest feel that she just went silent and decided to stay in her room for a while, making the excuse of having to clean her room because it stinks. Though Soyeon knows that's just an excuse since Soojin cleans her room as much as 1 to 2 times a day.


Yuqi comes in while she was folding her clothes and they talked, apologized and hugged.


After a few hours, there's no more excuse left for Soojin to say that she didn't have another choice but to leave her room.


"So I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to tell, I understand that. I wasn't thinking at that moment that I slipped."


"It's okay, Yuqi. I'm sorry that I got so angry. I swear I'm not like this."


"I know you aren't. Come here."


Yuqi noticed Soojin standing by the door that she lets go Shuhua and greets the dancer by nodding her head. "Well, I have to leave now." Yuqi excused before walking pass Soojin.


There was a pregnant silence. Shuhua looked at her with nothing but longing eyes.


"Can I come in?" Soojin asked and the younger nodded her head slightly in response.


Soojin walks in and sit on the edge of Shuhua's bed.


"I just wanna ask if you're still— if we're still okay." Shuhua just looks at her with a confused gaze. "I guess that question is for me." Soojin looks down, unable to look into the younger's eyes. "I'm sorry." She starts. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, for not talking to you about it. I'm just scared-"


"What are you scared of?"


Soojin gulped, gathering her courage to say. "I'm scared of my feelings for you." If possible, Shuhua's jaw would fall. "Not just because you'll hate me for it, avoid me or it will ruin our friendship— I guess I ruined that myself. What I'm trying to say is-"


"You have feelings... for me?" Soojin nodded at that.


"I don't know how, or when it happened. I think I've always had. I just didn't know what it was."


"But how?" The younger questioned.


The dancer had a small smile on the corner of her mouth, as if it would make her look a little less nervous. She wish the girl doesn't hear her heart banging. "I think it was the constant flirting?" Soojin laughed a bit and sniffles, which Shuhua had always found cute. "Or when we first cuddled, how it felt comfortable to be in your arms. I've always been shy to admit I love it when you spoon me." Shuhua smiles at that.


"But why would you avoid me for it? You know there's nothing in the world you can do that would make me love you less." Shuhua says.


Soojin sniffles and combs the strands of her hair to the back of her ear. She looks into the younger's eyes, and Shuhua seeing how glassy Soojin's eyes are and how any second from now, a tear or two will fall, she hears her heart break. "I'm scared. I know you wouldn't do anything that would hurt me. I'm scared of how the world will feel about it."


"Who cares about them-"


"I'm scared that it will make my parents hate me."


Shuhua stayed quiet.


"If I was to say that I liked girls, again, they would hate me forever." Shuhua caught up with "again" so she couldn't help but ask what Soojin meant. "When I was young, I told them about wanting to have my friend as my girlfriend. And until now, I never get too close to girls because they might suspect that I'm doing it again."


"What again?" Shuhua asked. She hates how Soojin's parents calls their daughter's sexuality a phase, something that she moves on from, something that isn't a part of her. "Soojin, that's not something you move on from, it's not something you avoid. Your sexuality is a part of who you are. I'm sorry but if your parents cannot support you then, fuck them. I can't say it with all of me because I've talked to my parents about it and my dad is not very happy about it, but my mom is trying to educate herself. But your parents are just a bunch of dicks, and if they can't accept you for who you are there's many family out there you can be a part of that will accpet you for who are. We're your family, and we'll support you and be here for you." Soojin can't help but tear up a bit. That's what she needed.


"Thank you." Shuhua nodded. "And I'm sorry." Shuhua nodded again, gripping Soojin's hand as a response to say that the dancer don't have anything to be sorry for. "Can we start again?" Soojin asked and Shuhua nodded quickly before pulling the older girl in a hug.


Shuhua was happy that it wasn't just a one-sided love, but Soojin is vulnerable at this moment. She waited for 3 years, she can wait for another until the older girl is ready.


Soojin heard something falling that made her let go of Shuhua, only too see the other members at the door with smiles.


"Come here." Soojin smiles and the four members quickly approached them and they shared a group hug before deciding to go out for something to eat since it's been a while.


Then while eating, Shuhua looks at Soojin and smiles.


She can wait forever.



a/n: so side note, i don't put formalities since i'm not really comfortable adding formalities in my stories anymore. but the story is in english, i think that's okay.