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英語

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Matsuda loved it when L spoke English, he truly couldn’t get enough of it. From his formal and cold tone to his joking words in accordance to Kira. From cruel phrases on cases he had worked on in the past to crude jokes that he only exchanged with few others. It wasn’t as if Matsuda could understand them yet… but he loved them, nonetheless.

English was a beautiful language, Matsuda declared. Especially when a certain L Lawliet spoke it, faint English accent creeping into his tone. Even when he spoke Japanese, sometimes that accent would crawl in and Matsuda would shiver, he loved that voice oh so much. L was a genius to most, but to Matsuda, he was so much more than just a pretty mind to exploit. He was unconventional; yes, but in the most beautiful way.

At first, they were rare and few, those words. Matsuda always kept his ears open just in case, just in case a curse word slipped out, just in case a sentence of frustration slipped. He was genuinely smitten with L, yes, from his unconventional charm to the way he laughed, even if those moments were rare, Matsuda treasured them. L was Matsuda’s treasure, and the person he would consider closest to his heart.

Eventually, his English was spoken more and more, his weak English accent coming through along with a slight influence of Japanese in his speech. He solely spoke to Light in English, the two growing presumably closer and closer with them being handcuffed together.

“Watari, could I perhaps have some strawberries with this cake please? And a few more cubes of sugar?” Matsuda’s head snapped up as soon as he heard it, ears red and eyes eager with fascination. English was entirely different from Japanese, which was why Matsuda loved the idea of it so much. Japanese was a syllabary, nothing changed with the way the syllables were said, but English? English was different, it connotated difference and diversity.

Matsuda sighed as he stirred his now cold coffee idly with the straw. He glanced to the laptop screen with distracted eyes, which only showed the home screen and nothing more. He was supposed to be working, but he figured that it didn’t matter, the others only saw him as incompetent anyways.

“You know, Light-kun, your English is getting quite good. You can practice with me whenever you need. I’ll know that you’re fluent once you’re able to deny that you’re Kira, in full English.” Matsuda rested his chin on his hand and sighed silently, staring forward hazily.

He wanted so badly to understand what L was saying, he truly did. He couldn’t help but feel like if he didn’t know English, he didn’t love all of L, because he couldn’t understand what L was saying. Matsuda figured; that no matter how crude the words may or may not have been, he would’ve loved them anyways, because it was L. With anyone else, it was different, well, Matsuda didn’t know many people, so that didn’t state much.

“Matsuda-san! Coffee please!” L had switched back to Japanese, only speaking English with Light and Watari, those who understood it anyways. Matsuda jumped up from his seat with an enthusiastic “Yes, Ryuzaki!” In response and he made a beeline towards the kitchen, unceremoniously dumping the coffee beans onto the counter and waiting impatiently for the water.

“Watari, can I have more cake please?” And there it was again, Matsuda’s light and joy. Matsuda covered his red cheeks, though there was no one else in the room and he groaned. He was so badly smitten. So badly smitten.

The rare smiles L gave, the words he spoke, language so delicate, eyes inexpressive, Matsuda had fallen for the mysterious detective. Hard.

He ended up burning the coffee, so he scrapped it and went back to his desk, moping. He could give L his coffee later, he decided, instead deciding to mope from afar.

It did not get better, in fact, things only seemed to get worse for poor, smitten Matsuda.

For the next week, Matsuda was fixated onto L, being distracted to the point of not focusing on anything else. Aizawa often nudged him, but Matsuda never responded. A multitude of expressions would come by and go by on his face, his mind active but his physical presence? Not so much.

Matsuda sighed once more and Aizawa swore that he was going to hit Matsuda if he didn’t stop moping and get back to work. His frustration stemmed off concern, however, it was still frustration. ‘Now it’s actually concerning, but I’m too pissed to be concerned…’

“Matsuda-kun!” He snapped. Matsuda turned around, cheeks burning pink from embarrassment of being caught. He scratched his neck nervously, apologising sheepishly.

“Sorry Aizawa-san, I wasn’t focused.” Aizawa fumed in annoyance, exhaling sharply then inhaling calmly. There was something clearly wrong with Matsuda, well, at least he thought so.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Matsuda raised his eyebrows in surprise, before grinning brightly, slightly surprised. Aizawa looked pissed, as always, but also slightly concerned.

“You’re opening up! Guys, Aizawa-san’s being nice to me!” He exclaimed, rotating his chair to face Ide and Mogi, the two being the only ones to turn around to face Aizawa and Matsuda.

“Nice? Just because he’s hot tempered doesn’t mean he’s rude. You’re such an idiot sometimes Matsuda-san.” Matsuda giggled lightly, grinning back in good nature. He teased people a lot, never unkindly or insensitively, it was just the way he was. He never got offended easily, no matter how sensitive he was.

“No, silly! He asked me if I was okay! Aizawa-san never asks that to anyone. Oh well, you’re jealous.” He concluded quickly, turning back to face Aizawa, his eyes grazing past L as he did so. Matsuda’s expression grew darker at the thought of L, despite being so cheery before.

“Matsuda? What’s wrong?” Matsuda shook his hand slightly, as if to tell him to wait a minute to gain his composure.

“He’s beautiful… yet I can’t have him… I just want to understand what he says, is there something so wrong with that? I wish I was able to understand him, yet, I can’t. It’s not because of my stupidity, but because of our differences. He sounds so beautiful when he speaks the way he does, yet, I can’t hear what he’s saying.” Matsuda spoke, against his own will, still staring into the distance with a fond look in his eyes. Aizawa sighed, shaking his head at the young man.

“So, you’re in love?” Matsuda choked, turning around to face an unimpressed Aizawa.

“What? No!” Matsuda began to debate with himself, ‘Am I really in love? It’s probably just a crush, but, I mean, he’s all I have, other than the rest of the taskforce. This taskforce is all I have; he is all I have. I won’t hurt anyone by pursuing him.’

“Well, I suppose you could say that. There’s this really cute server at the café across the street,” He lied carefully, grinning softly as he did so. “He doesn’t speak much Japanese; his native language is different but I’d like to learn said language. What do I do?” Aizawa still looked unimpressed and uninterested, seeing as the solution was obvious.

“Just learn the language?” Matsuda’s eyes suddenly brightened, a determined shine that no one had seen in a long time, not even Matsuda himself. ‘I’ll be able to understand what L is saying! And I’ll be able to confess to him, but not have the others hear! Maybe except Light…’

“You’re a genius! Thanks, Aizawa!” He then turned back to his computer, opening the Browser and typing quickly. He searched through dozens of articles and videos, then eventually turned his computer off, collecting his things and leaving. He waved to the others, loudly departing.

“Goodbye!” Aizawa merely shook his head at the young man, afro somehow staying perfectly still as he turned to Ide and struck up a conversation.

‘How does someone even start to learn English? Because I’m not buying textbooks, that shit is expensive.’ Matsuda asked himself as he walked back to his apartment, footsteps quietly echoing the dark hall. He sighed as the door opened quietly and he slipped in, shutting it behind him just as silently, though there was no one to complain.

“Maybe I should just find something on my laptop?”

Matsuda was surprisingly proficient with languages, learning concepts amazingly quick and shocking both his internet friends and even himself with the speed he had been able to learn certain things. He wasn’t sure whether it was because of his motivation or ability, but he was grateful either way. It was 2 weeks later and he could count up to 1000 in English, as well as greet people and talk about the weather. He was learning about basic grammar and punctuation, an annoyance in his opinion.

“So, there are three different types of ‘there’. Sounds like a pain in the ass.” It was 2 in the morning, a late time for a civilised person to be awake, however, Matsuda was a man on a mission. He was determined to win the heart of L Lawliet, even if it meant he had to prepare in secret for a short while.

“There, their, they’re. Why the hell are they all pronounced the same?” Matsuda switched from English to Japanese quickly, cursing under his breath. He then shrugged it off, practicing the example sentences of the three passionately.

He would be fluent in no time, he knew it.

“Light-kun, can you pass me that slice of cake please?” Matsuda now knew that L talked about food a lot when speaking in English, usually requesting for cake. He learnt that his favourite flavour was strawberry, that he lived in an orphanage when he was young and that he had been sugar obsessed since he was young. With every detail Matsuda learnt about L, via eavesdropping on him and Light, it made him happier and happier.

It made him feel as if he knew L more than most people, as if he knew something they didn’t. His heart raced at the thought, and periodically, for a brief second, he thought that he may just have a chance with him. Just maybe.

“Matsuda-san! Coffee please!” Then Matsuda remembered. To L, he was nothing more than a coffee boy. But he was wrong, so wrong.

L had come to love Matsuda’s simplicity; it was his charm. Misa’s simplicity to him was incompetent and was the main reason for his distaste towards her, however Matsuda was a different story. He had the small town boy charm about him, he was forever young, not everything was a game to him.

L didn’t need to come up with witty comebacks or spend an hour reasoning things as he did with others, with Matsuda, things were simple. Everything in L’s life had been extremely complicated, and whilst he liked complicated, the simple beauty of Matsuda refreshed him. He didn’t have to put up his guard. Yet he was also a mystery, he didn’t know the small things about him, but L was sure that they were beautiful.

Matsuda made the coffee, looking into the reflective cabinets and nodding, encouraging himself enthusiastically.

“You can do this Touta, you’ve done it dozens of times before, it’s the same as before.” He exhaled and finished the coffee, carrying it gently to L, not wanting to spill any of it, for the fear some English may slip as it almost had done so many times.

“Here.” He placed it next to L, clasping his hands and resting them in front of him. L glanced to Matsuda and nodded lightly, taking the coffee into his hands and taking a sip.

“Thank you, Matsuda-san.” Matsuda was in shock, cheeks pink and mind racing. ‘He looked at me? He doesn’t look at people when they give him coffee, sometimes he doesn’t even acknowledge them? Does this mean I did something good? Or was he just trying to be polite? Either way, he just looked at me!’

Matsuda slowly walked backwards, before sprinting to his desk. He opened his drawer and looked over his English notes, simply because he had nothing else to do. L began to converse lightly in English with Light, the two not paying any mind to their volume. Matsuda stared at L fondly, listening to the words he said carefully and picking up on some of what he said with much satisfaction.

2 months later and the fondness for L only grew stronger, as did his English prowess. Matsuda was able to do much more than count, greet people and talk about the weather. Now, he understood most things, but writing and reading still confused him.

He had developed a strong British accent when talking English, as the videos he watched were made by British creators and often spoke in similar tones as opposed to Americans. Matsuda couldn’t stand the American accent, but maybe that was due to the love he held for L. Hence, he spoke with a strong British accent with Japanese tones, resulting in him sounding quite adorable.

“Light-kun, are you fluent enough in English to be able to discuss with me your probability of being Kira?” Light froze, as did Matsuda. Light from the accusation of being Kira, and Matsuda from the prospect of him speaking the language at all. He continued to type his confession speech as he listened carefully, not for the response of Light, but for the rebuttal of L.

“I’m not Kira!” L snorted, turning back to the laptop screen.

“Fluent enough to deny being Kira, alright.” He muttered softly in Japanese, slight English accent coming in as he cursed. Matsuda was pretty sure that his cheeks were a flaming red at that point, but he didn’t care anymore. All that mattered was listening to L, observing him.

L snuck glances to Matsuda, who seemed focused on the screen in front of him, typing something. L’s face was emotionless but the thoughts in his mind told a different story all together.

‘Matsuda-san is interesting me very much… his hair is different from yesterday, it’s silkier. Perhaps he washed it this morning? Should I ask him? No, that’s far too strange.’ Light waved a hand in front of his face gently, L snapping out of his trance and turning to Light.

“Is there something Light-kun wishes to speak to me about?” Light rolled his eyes, gesturing to Matsuda.

“You stare at Matsuda a lot, it’s creepy.” Matsuda hadn’t seemed to notice them speaking, as Light whispered the words, but L covered his mouth, nonetheless.

“He might hear you.” Light snorted.

“I don’t get it, just confess! How hard is it?” L sighed, turning back to his work.

“It’s almost like you think I hold romantic feelings towards Matsuda-san, Light-kun.” L’s voice was deadpan as usual, but something about it seemed more jittery. Light was unimpressed, eyebrows raised.

“Oh really, you don’t have feelings for him? You only get him to make you coffee so you can observe his ass as he walks away, you stare at him all the fucking time!” Light spoke in English heatedly, voice raising due to frustration. “You always smile whenever he’s even mentioned, and before you say you don’t smile, it’s in your eyes. Don’t even argue with me on this! You’re in love with him, and you know it.” By the end, Light was breathing heavily, tired of the obliviousness his best friend exhibited. L tilted his head to the side, confused.

Matsuda was in shock, eyes wide, breathing heavily. Everyone was looking towards Light and L, who looked as if they may shoot each other, and Matsuda was no exception. ‘He loves me? Does he really? So… I’m not just coffee boy? Am I more than just coffee boy to him?’

“What just happened?”

“I don’t know Ide, I don’t know.”

“Your percentage of being Kira has raised to 84%, I suggest you keep your mouth shut.” L dismissed Light’s entire speech coldly, not willing to discuss the subject of matter. Light’s expression grew frustrated, and he tilted his jaw arrogantly.

"Stop with the Kira thing! I'm not Kira, and you have no right to suspect me of being him!" Matsuda’s eyes widened. ‘Did he just insult L?’ Matsuda was thinking the same thoughts on replay, ‘He had no right to tell L that, he absolutely had no right to explode on him like the teenage little shit he is when he in fact did nothing! The audacity of this bitch!’ Matsuda abruptly stood up.

"Shut your mouth! Ryuzaki has every right to suspect you! He's a detective and you're a teenager, you should know your place by now.” Matsuda hissed, venom lacing every single word he spoke. The British accent that had creeped it’s way into his English making him sound fierce in his intentions.

The entire taskforce was completely silent, save from L falling out of his chair in shock. Matsuda’s head was down and he was breathing heavily, trying to control his undeniable anger. To calm himself, he thought of what had been said, that L had loved him, at least, Light had said so.

“Matsuda-san can speak English?” L asked in Japanese softly, still attempting to process the shock. L’s cheeks burned a heavy shade of pink, causing the rest of the taskforce to look at each other in shock.

“So English was the language you were trying to learn…” Aizawa murmured, a sly grin appearing on his face. Soichiro turned to Matsuda and smiled lightly, impressed.

“That takes a lot of effort Matsuda-kun, I’m proud of you.” Matsuda heard him vaguely but dismissed it, slowly rising his head to L. Matsuda’s cheeks burned pink as he saw the rest of the task force staring at him in perplexed surprise. It then dawned on him as to what he said, and which language he had spoken in.

“Fuck! You weren’t meant to find out like this!” He groaned, sitting in his chair and slamming his head onto the table with a dull bang. L stood up and slowly walked to Matsuda’s desk and touched his hand gently, not knowing what else to do. Matsuda flinched softly, and L placed his hand on Matsuda’s chin, tilting his jaw up. Matsuda looked up into L’s eyes, humiliated by the prospect of his plan not working out.

“Who wasn’t meant to find out what, Matsuda-san?” Matsuda breathed deeply and his eyes widened, at the thought of being in close proximity with L in the way he was.

“I-“ He was tongue tied, looking into L’s eyes as if it would be the last time. ‘Fuck it.’ His brain supplied helpfully. ‘Say what you want to say.’

Matsuda avoided L’s eyes carefully, looking to the table instead.

“It was meant to be a secret.” He started, attempting to find the English words for the confession he was about to convey. “No one was meant to know, not until I was fluent.” He stumbled over r and l, causing his cheeks to blush even more than they already were.

“Talk to me about it, then I can make fun of your accent afterwards.” Matsuda groaned, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again.

“It was for you.” He then switched to Japanese, his words going from basic and monochrome to multicoloured and beautiful in nature.

“I love you, so much. You’re beautiful Ryuzaki, even if you think of yourself as otherwise. I see you more as just a genius with a few quirks, I think of you as unconventional, but I like unconventional! You’re perfect Ryuzaki, in your own flawed way. And I heard what Light-kun said, thank you Light-kun.” Light nodded, a small smile on his face as he raised his eyebrows at L. L’s cheeks flushed and he shushed Light quietly, turning back to Matsuda and smiling softly.

“Matsuda-san is just as interested in me as I am in him?” Matsuda nodded, suddenly a lot more aware of the hand lifting his chin. Lust filled Matsuda’s eyes and he smiled gently at L, who used his thumb to gently stroke Matsuda’s cheek.

“Matsuda-san…” Matsuda interrupted him.

“Call me Touta-san.” L’s eyes widened, then he leaned in and whispered into Matsuda’s ear.

“Then you can call me L.” Matsuda shivered, causing L to smile slightly. Matsuda then looked up to L and looked into his eyes, head tilted slightly to the side. He could feel lust rushing through his veins, completely immersed in L.

“Fuck it.” He whispered, standing up and leaning forward, his lips landing onto L’s with little grace. L allowed his eyes to fall closed and he completely immersed himself into Matsuda, one hand on the table and the other grazing Matsuda’s cheek. They both ignored their surroundings, completely focused on one another.

He was in euphoria, Matsuda was in paradise.

“For fuck’s sake! Don’t make out here!” The two broke contact at Light’s shout. L chuckled quietly, eyes sparkling.

“So, shall we take this somewhere else?”