Alex had been so caught up in everything that had happened since her canceled wedding it didn't occur to her that for the first time, she was in a relationship.
She was dating someone. She had a-... okay maybe she wasn't ready to use the g- word just yet but the thought was still exhilarating none the less.
Honestly, it was only when Megara convinced her to put her work aside and go on that date with her that Alex acknowledged this fact. And it made her equal parts terrified and giddy with excitement.
But Jocelyn's death was still weighing her down and she probably wasn't as enthusiastic about the date as she would've been at any other time.
Regardless, she stepped through the portal with Megara and landed outside the Hunter's Moon. That was when she realized this was her first date with Megara. Her first date ever!
She had absolutely no idea what people did during dates!!
Sure Izzy and Jace gave detailed descriptions of the hundreds of dates they've been on, (too detailed if you ask her), but she was sure trying anything they did would end in pure disaster. Her horrendous attempt at flirting with that police man still haunted her dreams.
Vaguely she remembered she was still in her hunting gear while Megara, as usual, was impeccably dressed. Izzy would be unbearable when she realizes she lost the chance to play dress up with Alex for her first date. Alex groaned internally at the thought and ran a perfunctory hand through her hair to rid it of any tangles.
Either way, Alex was slightly panicking by the time they made their way to the counter. Megara took charge, ordering their drinks for them and Alex decided the safest bet would be to follow her lead.
And no, she did not like the taste of beer. Maybe it will grow on her though, who knows?
When Megara suggested pool, Alex breathed in relief. This was something she understood. She could do this.
Alex was pretty good at pool. Jace and her used to sneak out sometimes and play at the local bars. It was similar to archery and competing with Jace meant she had to get good at it. Either way, she was kinda proud of her skills at pool and couldn't help but brag a little. Megara watched her with an amused smile and Alex really wanted to impress her.
But then Megara hustled her and Alex would be lying if she said it didn't turn her on. Because it did. A lot.
Megara had a competitive streak that rivaled Jace's and Alex forgot all about her inhibitions about the date and found herself simply enjoying the moment.
"Are you sure you're not using magic?" Alex asked when Megara pulled off yet another elaborate shot
"I've been playing this since the day it was invented. Don't take it too hard darling, I'm sure the difficult moves feel like magic to amateurs." Megara said with a cheeky smile and a wink
Alex wasn't sure when pool was invented but it made sense that Megara would be around for it. She wondered what other interesting, yet random mundane things Megara was good at. But that was a conversation for another time, she had a game to win.
"Alexandra did you just move the ball with your fingers?"
In the end it was a tie, (and no Alex did not cheat damn it!). Either way, Alex was feeling pretty comfortable around Megara, the beer helping her loosen up a little more.
But then the conversation shifted to Alex's past relationships....or lack thereof and Alex felt the tension returning.
When Alex was younger, she overheard a couple of boys arguing about the pros and cons of dating a virgin, the con list being much longer. Afterwards she kicked their asses in training for being sexist but their words stuck with her.
Innocent. That's what Megara called her. She was aware of her lack of experience, pretty sure at this point the only person she knows with less experience than her is Max. But that shouldn't matter right? What difference would it make?
But then Megara admitted she had been with 17,000 people in the past and Alex kinda regretted asking. She wasn't sure it was possibly to meet 17,000 people, much less sleep with them.
She was suddenly feeling queasy and told Megara they should probably leave since she had to be up early the next day for patrol.
"Let's walk. I could use some fresh air." Alex suggested. Megara smiled and agreed, though there was a tense air to her smile.
The walk back to the loft was mostly silent. Megara tried to start a conversation a few times but Alex gave clipped, one word answers and she stopped trying.
Truth be told Alex was barely listening to her. She was too caught up in her own thoughts to pay attention to much else.
Camille's words kept replaying in her head, how the vampire had kissed Megara in front of Alex. Megara could have anyone she wanted. She was beautiful, rich and powerful. She had seen and done things Alex could only dream of.
How could Alex ever match that? How could Megara find her interesting after everything she's experienced?
What if Megara finds her disappointing? What if she got bored and left?
If that happened then Alex wanted to spare her heart before she got too invested in the warlock.
When Alex suggested they might not work out, she saw the resignation on Megara's face and realized something. She was so caught up in her own insecurities, she didn't realize that Megara was insecure herself.
What had she said? She hadn't been romantically involved with anyone for over a century.
Alex realized that Megara had a hard time trusting people with her feelings, and after meeting Camille she could understand why. And yet, she somehow thought Alex was worth the risk.
But she wasn't going to stop her from leaving. Since the day they met, Megara flirted with her and pushed her about her feelings, but in the end it was Alex that made the first move, not her.
Megara was letting Alex call the shots here. Alex had to make a decision.
She was scared. Megara was scared too.
'What if I fall?' 'Oh but my darling, what if you fly?' *(1)
She had to take a leap of faith.
"I heard that relationships, they uh, take effort."
She was willing to put in that effort. She wanted to take that chance.
Megara was worth that risk. The smile she gave her, radiant and beautiful, was worth it.
Alex suddenly remembered they hadn't kissed again since that first time. It had been weeks since then and Alex found herself craving the taste of Megara's lips again.
She leaned forward to kiss her, soft and a little hesitant. Before they could really get into it, however, they were interrupted.
Alex loved Jace. He was her parabatai, her brother, and she really really loved him. But in that moment a part of her, a very big part of her, wanted to slam the door in his face and ask him to come back later.
Megara was a gracious host, readying a guest room for Jace to stay and not even complaining about his abrupt arrival.
"I'll be inside. You guys continue, I won't interrupt again. Promise." Jace said with a wink in Alex's direction before going into the room and locking the door behind him.
An awkward silence fell between them and Alex nervously fidgeted with her zipper.
"Thank you for letting him stay." She said finally
"Its just a room, not a big deal." Megara said with a nonchalant wave of her hand
"It is." Alex insisted "It means a lot to me. I'm worried about him and..." Alex trailed of, sighing deeply as she looked at the door Jace went behind.
Megara gently squeezed her shoulder.
"I know things seem rather bleak right now, but I assure you Alexandra they will get better. Until then, don't forget to have a little fun as well." She said, wiggling her eyebrows.
Alex laughed and kissed her again.
"I had fun tonight. You wanna do this again sometime?" Alex asked shyly, her hands still around Megara's shoulders.
"I look forward to it. Next time we'll portal somewhere outside the country. There are so many places I want to show you."
The fact that Megara had already been thinking about future dates made Alex's heart swell. She knew she made the right decision.
"I like the sound of that." Exploring the world with Megara? That was something she could look forward to
Alex went straight to Izzy's room once she reached the institute. Her sister looked uncharacteristically tired but waved off Alex's concern
"It's nothing, big sister. Where are you coming from anyway? Patrol ended hours ago."
"Megara called me after my patrol and suggested we go out." Alex said with a shrug
Izzy blinked, then a big smile lit up her face and she sat up a little straighter on her bed
"Really? You finally went on that date? Where did you go? Megara told me she planned on taking you to Prague the last time we spoke."
Megara discussed date plans with Izzy? Wow that was...okay.
She was glad those two got along so well. Izzy's opinion meant everything to her and it was important for her to be okay with her relationships.
"Ah ,no. I didn't want to go anywhere too far in case something happened here. Besides, we decided to take things slow, keep it simple y'know. So she took me to the Hunters Moon." Alex said with a shrug
Izzy clutched her hand tightly
"Tell me everything! Wait... did you go like this?" She asked, pointing towards her outfit
"Well it was very abrupt. I didn't exactly have time to run back here and change." Alex said defensively.
"Fine. But I get to pick out your outfit next time. Oooh, when are going out again? Wait, tell me what you did today?"
Alex laughed at the expression on Izzy's face, like an overeager puppy. She looked so carefree like this, Alex missed spending time with her sister.
"We went to the bar and she ordered us some drinks. Then she hustled me at pool." Alex said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes.
"A woman of many talents, can't say I'm surprised. Did you kiss her?"
"Yeah, right before Jace stormed in and interrupted us."
"Seriously? So that's where he went."
Izzy asked her a few more questions and Alex answered as honestly as she could. She debated telling her sister about the whole '17000 thousand' thing, but that was something between her and Megara and besides, it felt wrong to discuss Megara's past partners while she wasn't here to explain.
Once Alex returned to her room, she couldn't fall asleep. She kept replaying the evening in her head and wondering about the future.
She wandered to her bookshelf and plucked out Alice and the Wonderland, snuggling in her bed before reading from where she left off.
After Megara suggested she read Robin Hood, Alex had been passing by a book store after patrol and bought the book on a whim. She also grabbed a couple of other books that the store keeper suggested, telling herself she'd give them to Max. She knew she was buying them for herself though.
In the days that Jace was missing, Alex was tired of feeling useless and needed something to distract her. So she started reading Robin Hood. Soon she completed Peter Pan, Charlie and the chocolate factory and Matilda.
Megara was right, everyone deserved memories of fairy tales. Alex didn't believe in happy endings, but she hoped for one. And where it mattered the most, aren't belief and hope the same thing?
Alex fell asleep, dreaming about the eccentricities of Alice's adventures.
They go on many more dates after the first one. Megara always insists on portaling then to increasingly exotic places but occasionally, Alex convinces her to let her pick out a place. She can't take Megara to Italy but she can take her to the best damn pizza place in New York.
While on a date to Paris (because of course Megara takes her to Paris), they were passing the Pont des Arts to see the Palais de Louvre. Megara was talking a mile a minute about the time she lived in France and Alex listened with a giddy smile.
Then she saw the locks.
Thousands of locks were padlocked to the grill of the bridge and couples were kissing next to it. Intrigued, she asked Megara about them.
Lovers put locks on the bridge to symbolize their eternal love for each other. No one would suspect it but Alex was secretly a big sappy romantic and she couldn't help but be in awe of the tradition.
Alex intertwined their hands together as they walked and realized, in that moment, she never wanted to let go.
'Eros shook my mind like a mountain wind falling on oak trees' * (2)
Tokyo was a whole new experience. They visited Tokyo tower where Megara gave her a play by play of its history. They went to Disneyland where Alex was just as excited as the children they passed by. They kissed on the roof top of the Palace Hotel.
Stumbling out of a photo booth, unable to stop their giggles, they explored the rest of the market place. Megara stopped to buy many things, matching Kimonos from an antique store, a tenugui scarf that she immediately wrapped around her head, a paper fan which she held in front of her face and kept batting her eyelashes at Alex like some 18 century dame, and much more.
Alex wasn't as enthusiastic as Megara at shopping, but when they visited the imperial palace, she paused at a store near the shrine selling Omamori charms.
A quick Google search told her all she needed to know about them and Alex couldn't help but think of Megara.
The world they lived in was dangerous and though Megara was not vulnerable, far from it actually, Alex still wanted to be able to protect her. She didn't know if the charm worked, but if magic and runes and all these crazy things existed in their world, this could also have some truth to it right?
Besides, belief is the strongest magic there is and if she believed this charm could protect Megara than it was worth it.
Megara was busy with a call at the time and hadn't seen Alex buying the charm. She wanted to surprise her with it.
After eating dinner at a sushi place, they portaled back home, continuing there mindless banter the entire time.
In Alex's mind, the gift was a very small gesture. Compared to the things Megara was doing for her, the little charm was nothing, it didn't even cost that much.
But the look Megara gave her, one would think Alex had gifted her the moon. It warmed Alex's heart to know she was the reason behind Megara's smile, but a part of her ached as well. When was the last time someone had given anything to Megara without expecting anything in return?
"You continue to surprise me Alexandra."
"In good ways I hope?"
Just before they could kiss, Jace and his newest bed mate giggled.
How does he do that? How does he interrupt them just as they're about to get closer.
Megara dated the most famous lover in history!!
Suddenly, Alex was worried again.
Also, she really needed to talk to her parabatai. Soon. He couldn't keep living there, he needed to face his reality. He was letting Aldertree get to him and that wasn't the Jace she knew.
Her worry for him took a backseat for a moment when Megara kissed her again.
When she got the mission alert, it took every ounce of self control she had to pull herself away from Megara's arms.
The entire time she was at the institute, Megara was on her mind. She could still feel her lips on hers and she wanted more. She wanted to know what her hands felt like on her skin, in places she had never been touched before.
As excited as it made her, she also felt immensely nervous. She had no idea how sex worked for two women. Sure she read about it a couple of times but it didn't really prepare her for what to expect.
As she always did when she was in a turmoil, she went to Izzy for advice.
Once again her sister looked tired and if Alex hadn't been so caught up in her own thoughts, she would've noticed the tremor in her hands. But Izzy brushed it off and she asked her for advice.
Maybe she should've chosen a more private area because Izzy looked like she would announce Alex's sex life to the entire institute in her excitement.
Justin Hawkblue was an imaginary boyfriend Alex invented just to stop Izzy from nagging her about her dating life. Jace knew it was a lie, (thank you parabatai rune), Izzy clearly never suspected it and looked stunned when she realized exactly how inexperienced her big sister was.
But she didn't judge her for it and seemed to think it wouldn't make a difference. With her encouragement, Alex made up her mind.
She showered and changed into fresh clothes, which didn't look all that different from what she had been wearing that day. If the night went the way she hoped it did then what she wore wouldn't really matter anyway.
Knocking on Megara's door and making sure Jace was gone (thank the angel he wasn't there), Alex wasted no time in kissing her girlfriend.
A euphoric feeling went through her at the word and she had to suppress the urge to giggle.
Before Megara's reluctance could send a wave of panic through her, she explained what was wrong and Alex sighed in relief
"Look… you’re not the only one that feels vulnerable."
"Megara, you have nothing to worry about. I want this" Alex stepped closer to her and cupped her face in her hands "But maybe we should talk about it?"
Megara smiled and put her arms around Alex's neck. There was barely any space between them and yet Alex wanted to step even closer.
"Firstly, I know you're worried about the Casanova thing. Is that what brought this on?" There wasn't any accusation in Megara's tone but Alex ducked her head in embarrassment "I want you to know you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Just because I've had a promiscuous past doesn't mean I can't wait."
"I know." Alec said, finally looking into her eyes "But I really do want this. I also knew that you weren't gonna ask, you don't have to be so careful around me Megara and you definitely don't have to be scared. I may be inexperienced but I'm hardly a prude."
Megara kissed her before answering
"What I had with Casanova, and most of my previous affairs was mostly just fun. There were no feelings involved, nothing for me to cherish. It's different with you Alexandra, I'm not careful because it's your first relationship, I'm careful because you mean something to me and one wrong move could take you away."
In the few short weeks since they first met, Megara had become one of the most important people in her life. The person Alex was before Megara didn't exist because she had changed, for better, all thanks to this amazing woman in her arms.
Alex doubted there was anything that could take her away from her. She didn't know when or how it happened but her heart now belonged to Megara, completely and irrevocably.
'I would never leave you because I love you' she wanted to say.
Alex never shied away from the truth but this truth felt too great in its gravity to be said at that moment. Perhaps it was too soon for a confession like that
"You won't lose me." She said instead "I care about you too and I never give up on the people I care about." 'Or the people I love' she thought
"Are you sure you want this?" Megara asked
"Yes.... do you?"
Megara's smile turned seductive and she practically purred in Alex's ear
"Darling.... you have no idea."
They stumbled through the bedroom door, kissing and giggling as Alex tried to take off her shoes without breaking the kiss.
Megara got rid of Alex's shirt and Alex found herself on the bed with Megara on top of her.
"That was graceful."
"Shadowhunter." Alex said in a way of explanation. She didn't mention the newly acquired flexibility rune though.
Alex tried to get Megara's shirt off as well but she suddenly shot off and sat at the edge of the bed, back turned to her. Alex felt dread settling in her stomach.
Had she done something wrong?
Was Megara not interested? Alex shouldn't have pushed her
"I want to" Megara said "it's just that, sometimes I loose control."
Megara turned to face her and Alex's eyes widened when she saw her. So this was her warlock mark?
Her eyes were a luminescent yellow that glowed under the dim light. Alex was mesmerized by them. She always thought Megara was gorgeous but now she looked breathtaking.
"Megara, they're beautiful." She said, cupping her cheek "You're beautiful."
Megara looked relieved and a little suprised when she said that.
"Thank you Alexandra. So this doesn't bother you?" Despite the casualness of her tone, Alex could hear the doubt in her voice
"Bother me?" Alex asked "They really are beautiful Megara." For a moment, Alex was lost in her eyes.
'She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies' *(3)
It was only after Megara's surprised laugh that Alex realized she quoted the poem out loud. Her face flushed red in embarrassment and she looked away
"Sorry I-I didn't realize... that was embarrassing."
"Hey now , look at me." Megara put a gentle hand under her chin and made her look up "I'm actually rather flattered. I've seen a range of reactions to my eyes before but this was quite new. I can't remember the last time someone quoted poetry to me. Miss Lightwood if you keep this up my heart won't be able to take it." Megara said in mock serious voice, dramatically swooning onto the pillow
"Well get used to it. I'm gonna do it a lot more now that I know you like it." Alex said with a chuckle. She gasped when Megara climbed on top of her
"I'll hold you to that promise. You have a very," a kiss to her jaw "very" a kiss at her neck "very sexy voice." Megara continued kissing her and Alex was so lost in her touch she hadn't noticed that most of their clothes were gone. They were both only in their bra and underwear and Alex felt a little apprehensive
"Megara I-I don't really know how...I mean-"
"You're not sure what to do?" Megara asked gently. Still beneath her, Alex nodded and blushed for the millionth time that night.
"That's quite alright sweetheart. This is your first time and I want to take care of you, make it special for you. You just relax and tell me if anything feels uncomfortable okay?" Alex nodded and lifted herself on her elbows so Megara could unclasp her bra, letting it off her arms. She squirmed a little at the way Megara was looking at her, her eyes dilated and mouth slightly apart.
"Can I..?" Alex pointed towards Megara's chest and she smiled and lowered herself slightly, allowing Alex to reach behind her and take off her bra as well.
Alex lightly ran her hands across the smooth expanse of Megara's golden brown skin, her fingers hovering just under the curve of her breasts.
Megara nodded encouragingly at her and held still while Alex explored her body with her hands.
Alex felt a pang of embarrassment when she remembered she hadn't shaved her legs. But then Megara slowly ran her own fingers across Alex's stomach and she forgot about everything else. Despite her increased heartbeat, she nodded at Megara to continue and let out another gasp when her fingers ghosted across her nipple.
Megara leaned down and pressed their upper bodies together and kissed her. Alex knotted her fingers in Megara's hair and moaned when she felt her knee rubbing against the spot between her legs.
Megara bit into the skin on her neck where her deflect rune was and sucked on it. Alex vaguely wondered if that would leave a mark, the thought aroused her even more.
Megara leaned back and hooked her fingers against the waistband of Alex's underwear, the last piece of clothing she had left. Though she felt nervous, she trusted Megara and nodded her acquiescence.
"Are you sure Alexandra? We don't have to do anything more today if you don't want to." Megara said gently
Alex thought about it for a moment.
"I want this. I want you."
Megara's gaze turned slightly predatory when she said that and with a snap of her fingers, they were both completely naked.
Alex blushed when Megara pushed her knees apart and sat between them. She was completely exposed and vulnerable like this.
Megara kissed the inside of her thigh and Alex bit her lip, her breathing becoming erratic. Her back arched off the bed when she felt Megara's mouth on her clit. She had expected this but wasn't prepared for what it would feel like.
Heat from her clit spread through her entire body and Alex gasped and moaned as Megara put her tongue to use.
Megara pulled back and brushed her fingers against the edge of her entrance.
"This can hurt, you don't have to bleed on your first time. Do you want me to just use my mouth?" Megara asked
"No. I- I want that. This. Just do it, don't worry about the pain." Alex said
Megara laid down next to Alex and kissed her, hard and fervent as her fingers continued to rub against her Clit. Alex gasped into Megara's mouth when she felt a finger inside her.
It didn't hurt that much, the intrusion only felt a little strange. Then a second finger joined the first Alex whimpered, both in pain and pleasure. Megara stilled, letting Alex adjust to the feeling before pumping her fingers in and out.
It hurt but Alex barely registered the pain.
She yelped when Megara's fingers hit a particular spot and moaned loudly as she felt the heat at her centre growing
"Megara, I'm-ngh! Oh! Please I need,...there fuck! Yes. Oh...Oh! A-ah!" Alex was incoherent at this point. She couldn't really comprehend anything beyond Megara's touch, her scent, her voice.
"That's it darling, come for me now."
And Alex did. She shouted Megara's name, her back arched as her orgasm hit her. She then collapsed onto the bed, utterly spent and sated.
She breathed heavily for a few moments, trying to register what just happened.
"Wow." She said finally.
Next to her, Megara chuckled
"Wow indeed. You are beautiful Alexandra. " She said, reaching forward to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"What about you? Do you want me to...?" Alex trailed off, leaving the question hanging
"I'm quite fine darling, watching you was enough for me. Maybe next time you can return the favor."
Alex grinned at that "Besides," Megara continued "It's late and you look exhausted. We should go to sleep."
Alex brightened when Megara said 'we'. Megara snapped her fingers and a wave of magic spread through her, cleaning her. She laid on her side, facing Megara and twined their hands together. Megara brought their hands to her lips and whispered a good night to Alex, who fell asleep before she could say it back.
'You came and I was crazy for you and you cooled my mind that burned with longing.' *(3)
"The key to having no fear is having nothing to lose."
Alex wanted to understand her better. Despite everything, there was so much of Megara that was still a mystery. She wanted to know more.
But she brushed that thought aside in favor of savoring this quiet moment between them. Their hands lay interlocked on Megara's abdomen and Alex breathed in tandem with her. Waking up next to Megara felt more intimate and personal than anything they had done the previous night.
"I answered your question, it's your turn now." Megara said
"What are you afraid of, O mighty Shadowhunter?"
Alex thought for a moment
"Failure. My family getting hurt." She hesitated for a second then added "Spiders."
Megara's eyes widened in suprise
"Spiders? Really?" She said with an incredulous snort
Alex huffed indignantly. Megara saw her expression and cleared her throat
"I'm sorry darling, I wasn't making fun of you. I'm just surprised you have such a...mundane phobia."
"Yeah well, that's why I don't tell people. But I really hate spiders." Alex said with a shudder "Jace and Izzy used to tease me about it but after we became parabatai, Jace realized how much spiders really bother me and now he's the one who gets rid of the occasional spider that creeps into my room." Alex said with a fond smile.
"What about now since Jace is living here?" Megara asked
Alec let out a humorless chuckle
"I actually found one in my room two days ago. I've been sleeping in Max's room since then as he's not here. The only other option would be to burn down my entire room." Alex was serious when she said that
"No need to be that drastic sweetheart." Megara said with a chuckle "If you ever find a spider in your room you can't get rid of, you're welcome to spend the night here. I promise to kill any spiders that might come your way."
Alex smiled at the invitation. She liked the idea of spending more time at the loft, this place felt more like home than the institute ever had.
"You don't have to kill the spider." Alex said suddenly "I mean, I don't like them at all. In fact, I'm convinced all spiders are actually tiny little demons spawned from the deepest pits of hell, but that's just my fear. I don't want anyone to kill them for me."
Megara suddenly kissed Alex
"You're adorable, you know that? I'll just vanish the spiders for you then my dear."
Alex was certain this was how she wanted to wake up everyday for the rest of her life. Or rather this was who she wanted to wake up with.
"you create me against your thighs
hilly with images
moving through our word countries
writes into your flesh
you make of me." *(4)