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Goodbye to a world

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The music playing on my ears is loud and I know it just like the back of my hand. A very old friend, Holiday. The old, worn MP4 just brings me the memory of our first true introduction on this same bus line. I remember how curious she was to know the song title, but yet she turned away flustered when I teasingly offered to let her listen in. How I miss those old days when we were able to be like that. Days when we didn’t have to think about the world, my brother, or any of the other men in her life. Where… even as strangers, we had found a way to connect.


I can’t believe how much she has changed in how little time. Confidence wrapped around a petite form, that was who she was. Smiles and smirks, not the shy blushes or gentle gazes. This new life changed who she was, and honestly, I really never really wanted these things for her, even if they had to happen. My soft MNC, the cool storm to my chaotic lighting. She could be my balance, my equal in every way. My home when I thought that this was something unachievable to me. And now the clock is ticking, our time is running out and I never said these things to her.


I have some ideas that can maybe save us from this bullshit, even if I’m the only one trying something. I told her about her role, but there is something only I can do. So, I know where I am supposed to go, but that means leaving her behind. Part of me thought that I could just go away, turn my back like I did so many times to a lot of people who thought I was their friend. I said goodbye to her two weeks ago, but I can’t do it to her, or myself for that matter. So, here I am, being tired of everything being stolen from me. I need to be the one who steals a moment of her life. For the first time, I really want to be selfish. I want that moment to myself. And I swear, if I could steal somebody's evol, I would steal from that stupid mister CEO and I would just stop time to be with her more. And if I’ll do what I need to do, then I fucking deserve it.


The song is over, but that’s ok since my stop is getting closer. I can already see her petite form waiting for me at the bus stop. And, how can I resist to her when she is using that stupid Sailor Moon hoodie with fishnets and shorts? The perfect mix of innocence and sexiness. Her hair in the moon buns that I used to tease her about until she told me I was acting like the character in the cartoon. I jump from the bus in front of her, already smirking, which also makes her smile. That fucking perfect smile. I would kill someone if that would make her smile more. 


However, I know her enough to notice her dark circles and tiredness. Shit. I mean, I know I’m not looking my best too since I don’t remember when was the last time I had a full night of sleep - which is a funny thing to say, since thanks to our friend X1917, we just got nights now. No more sun -, but I really wanted her to be at least enjoying these last moments a little more, instead of worrying. I trust she will save us and she should trust that I will… No, not gonna think about that.


We just look at each other for a long minute, before anything is said. I want to hug her, man. So badly. I want to smell her shampoo, and feel her body and just let our worries disappear in our embrace. Instead, I’m a jerk.


“You should take a picture, it will last longer.”


“I can say the exact same, Shaw.” She shrugged. 


“Well, it can give you a lot of nice shower thoughts, if you know what I mean.” She chuckles, her cheeks getting a little red. I know I have some power over her even if I never tried to use it. I bet she also knows about the power she has over me, and yet she never tried to use it. Basically, we are two jolterheads who now have no time. 


“I was just really surprised. You kept your promise. You aren’t late”. Her eyes seem to shine. I chuckle, cuz when I said that, I really thought we wouldn’t see each other anymore. But I’m just a weak human. Or even addicted. I have to be here because tomorrow is the day I don’t want to think about it and if these hours are what is left for me, I’m going to spend it with her.


“Nah. Consider it an end of the world miracle. Or, just maybe, you should trust in me, ya know.” I gathered courage from I don’t even know where and got my arm around her shoulder, starting to walk towards my place. 


“I would trust you if you started to give me some answers. Did you find out anything else about how we can prevent the meteor?” She gets her arm around my waist like we do this all the time, but in reality, we never been so close. We probably are looking like a couple right now. I wouldn’t mind if they would think that. At least not tonight. 


“Nope. And no talk about the end of the world. Tonight is our rest night. And let’s be honest, we both deserve it.” She looks at me with a frown, before she speaks, though, I start talking again. “No, no excuses. Did you check the mirror lately? I think some pandas want to know your secret for those black circles”.


She tries to free herself from our embrace, but I don't intend to leave her out of my touch today. So, I just hold her hand in my waist, intertwining our fingers. She looks confused for a moment, but she doesn’t fight back. If I’m not mistaken, I can even see she smiles for a moment, before she turns her head away, flustered.


“So, what’s the plan?” She asks when we get to my place. It’s been a few days since I’ve been here, I just realized maybe I should have come here first and cleaned it up a little. Oh well, too late now.


“No plan, miss”. I said trying to clear space on the old couch I have.  I don’t even remember why I had so many notes from college there. 


"Shaw your boxers say hello~". I turn red for a moment- but then she giggles - which is an amazing sound - and helps me get all the mess. 


“If you want, you can keep it as a souvenir, kitten." 


"Don't mind if I do!~" She is almost dying from laughter, and yet even after all this time sometimes I am still caught off guard by her crazy responses. Well, time to tease her back as always.


"Yes, I know, I am amazing. You’re welcome. Do you want to check today’s color as well?” I smirk and act as I’m going to take out my belt, but she gasps in surprise and quickly just turns her head away, flustered. Cute.


“Look, aren’t you tired of all the planning and all the sadness of the world? So, we are just chilling today.”


I throw myself on the couch. Part of my just wants to close my eyes and relax for a moment, but the other part is really aware of how close she is, since this isn’t the biggest couch of the world, a fact of I’m glad since her leg is touching mine and the heat of her body is getting my whole body warm. I wonder when was the last time I felt like this, like… home.


“You know, if you want to take a nap, I can wait. You really look like you need it.” How is it possible that she can always look through to me? Like I’m made of glass. I feel like she can even shatter me apart if she wants. The thought is frightening. I never let anyone look at me like she does. Even so, I keep wanting to let her see more and more. Until I’m completely bare in front of her.


“Nah. Nap is for the weak of heart.” I need to think of something, anything before I make a stupid move. I don’t want to scare her and lose these precious seconds we have. While I’m passing my hand in my face, I finally have an idea. So, I get up and grab my bass which was dropped in my bed. “Here, I know how you just love to hear me play, so what about a private concert?”


I throw myself on the couch again, making her almost jump surprised. But I can see she is excited. I wasn’t lying, I know she really likes to hear me play. Probably as much as I like to play when she is looking. I turn on the amplifier, plugging the cable. The sound of the cords is like, well, music to my ears. I don’t even remember when was the last time I played. It seems like a thousand years. I look at her, who has the softest smile on her lips. I start to jam some old tunes, starting with some Green Day and then some Rage Against the Machine. I even let myself sing to her. Well, now she can’t say I never serenade her. After some time, I start to feel myself smile. Not smirk, but smile. Playing those songs made me feel relaxed. Or it was her presence, but let’s not think a lot about it. 


“Next, next!” She is giggling and clapping, at some point, she even got Sharky and put it in her legs, so I have my full audience. She even moved his fins to the music in a sway. I cannot with this odd woman. I don’t even need a full house to feel like the biggest rock star, I just need her. “Encore, please, mister Bassman~~”. 


“Ok, ok, my dear groupie. But only with one condition”. She stops giggling and blushes. Why is she blushing? What does she think I’ll ask? Wait… Can I ask for… something else? No, this is bullshit. Focus, Shaw. Focus. “Next song you will have to sing. You know how I can’t get my amazing voice tired.”


“But then it has to be a song I know the lyrics for! Because I know you will choose some german song so I can embarrass myself! SO, NEIN NEIN TO THAT.” 


She would be right if this was a normal day. But since this is more of an I only have a few hours to do with you all that I wanted to spend a lifetime doing, I need to raise that bar. So I just started her favorite song, from that strange Doja-something. Her eyes get wider in surprise. Lovely. Soon she is singing and enjoying all the songs I know she likes and somehow I learned to play. It is not like I planned to play with her, but the worst songs got stuck in my head enough for me to learn how to play it and improve it.


After a while, we are both tired, I can see it in her eyes. So I just stop playing, turning off the amplifier and lowering the bass on the floor. Each movement being followed by her eyes. She is hugging Sharky and laying her chin on it. I can see the sadness in her eyes before she even tries to talk.  


“Shaw…” The way she calls my name… Like a prayer, almost. It makes me shiver. “What do you think will happen if… If I fail. And please, don’t try to cheer me up. I just… need to know.”


“Well, if we take into consideration what supposedly happened with the dinosaurs, probably everything around the place it will hit will die immediately. Then the cloud of dirt raised by it will result in an extremely hot tsunami, that will increase the temperature of the places it will pass. And then this could cover the sun. So the rest of the people would die or be cooked by it or without food in the next months”. - I didn’t want to tell her all that. But I’ll never lie to her. And, honestly, this scenario has been in my mind since we discovered the meteor. She is still looking in my eyes. - “But, you know how humans are stubborn. We would probably survive just out of spite.”


“And if we don’t…?” Her voice is so low. I wonder if some of those idiots who always act as they love her have even tried to talk to her. Comfort her. Or if they just went full egotistical as always, stealing moments without even a care if she needed to truly talk about this.


“Well, it depends on the person’s beliefs, I guess…”


“What do you believe?”  She puts Sharky behind her, leaning closer to me. Her body is fully touching my right arm and I can’t stop feeling her. I feel like I’m burning just as the cloud of dirt was already here. I need to take my arm off there or I’ll combust myself, so I just raise it and put it on the sofa back.


“Well, in Buddhism we believe in the samsara: A cycle of death and rebirth, where you are trying to gain enough enlightenment so you can reach for Nirvana. While you are in the samsara, if you do enough good actions, you can get a better rebirth. Even come as an animal, a demi-god, or even a god.”


“No joke about you being already a god?” She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “You used to be better.”


“Yeah, sorry for disappointing you.” 


Her hand slowly rests on my chest, as if she is testing if I’ll react somehow. When I don’t - or at least not something she can notice, because my mind is almost screaming right now and I have to gather all my strength to not hold her -, she just leans in and lays her head there, passing her other arm behind me. She is cuddling with… me? She is for real? Does she notice how I’m so… I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. So I just take my arm and finally, I’m holding her.


“Do you think you’ll have a better rebirth?”


“Well, I had to deal with you all this time. If that isn’t a good enough action I don’t know what would be”. - She starts to tickle me, getting me by surprise. I laugh before I can control myself, which makes her mischievous smile get bigger. 


“Maybe you will finally come as a Shark next life.”


“To that, we would have to still have an ocean.”


“Oh, shit…” It is funny to see her cursing since she didn’t usually do that. “I didn’t think about that. Poor sharky...”


"Poor Sharky?" 


"Well, the oceans might be gone… I completely didn't think of that, huh?" 


“You never think. That’s why you have me.”


“I mean it, Shaw…” - Her hand in my chest is slowly moving, caressing me. I don’t think I ever being caressed without a hint of sex… Her touch is driving me insane and it is so good. I could be here until that damn meteor arrived because I don’t think there is a better death than dying being touched by her. - “What do you think about, you know, death and all that…”


“Memento Mori, kitten.” - She raises her head. Her lips are so close of mine I could just lean down a little and I would taste her. But it is not the time for this. - “Do you know what this means?”


“I think I heard it before, but I don’t recall where.” - Some loose hair is in her face and before I can stop myself, I’m putting it behind her lovely ear. I can’t stop noticing how her face is slightly blushing. I feel dizzy, almost drunk in her smell and heat.


“It means Remember you must die. There is a quote I always think about it: “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time”. So… I can say I’m fully prepared for what is coming.”


“And that’s it? You don’t have any… regrets? Things you wish you have more time to do? What about…love?” She is looking so deep in my eyes as if it is something else she wants to know… But it must be just my imagination. I mean, look at all her options. I am just... someone you fuck and leave. In all the meanings of fuck. 


“‘To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken’ - Our dear C. S. Lewis already said enough about it.”


“Wait, the Narnia guy? Are you saying he didn’t believe in love?”


“Love is… complicated, kitten. You must understand this. It is easier to just live a life full of sex and fun than to become so vulnerable you are in danger. I mean, you are an expert in danger as far as I know, so still why bother?”


“Because what is the point of living without love, without feeling that you are more than just a pawn in a universe where you just suppose to live and die over and over again, Shaw? There has to be something… more. Something that it is worth all the trouble we both are facing to save this world right now… If it is not love… then what is it?”


I look directly at her eyes again, searching for it: That deception everyone always has. But she doesn’t have any. She is truly speaking for what she believes. And part of me wants to believe it too. But in a lifetime of pain, abandonment, neglect…never, not once I got that. It may be a little too late to try to believe in this fairy tale. But her eyes, her hands in my chest, the way her leg is now over mine… I can’t stop to have at least hope that this is something possible, even to someone as… me.


“Tell me, Shaw” - Now her hand is caressing my cheek, so sweetly. I can feel my eyes a little wider than normal and my breath getting accelerated. This power is too dangerous to be in such delicate hands, but before I realize it I’m closing my eyes and leaning against her hand. Her voice is softly overcoming all the barriers in my heart and I’m just too tired to fight it back. - “Tell me it isn’t worth fighting for this.”


I half-open my eyes enough to see her finally closing the distance between our lips. And then it all becomes her. All my senses are flooded by her: Her sweet smell, the soft moan she leaves, the taste of her tongue on mine, the touch of her skin against my hands and lips, and the stunning vision that she is, with eyes closed and surrendering herself to me. Of all the suitors in her life, it is me she is rewarding with all she has. 


I can’t fight against this. I won’t fight against this. It is my turn to be selfish. If she lets me. 


“MC…” - I say almost begging already when our lips finally leave the sweet prison of each other. - “I need to say something.”


Her hand is still in my cheeks and the sweetest smile is in her swallow lips. She is gorgeous, but I need to think, so for a brief moment, I look at the ceiling, trying to get the words in the right order in my mind.


“Look, I know you’re really scared. I’m sorry. I promise everything will be over soon”. 


I took a deep breath. It was now or never. Honestly, I’m just kinda sick of trying to make me sound like someone who has no feelings. And if someone could understand her I want it to be me.  


“Do you know what is funny? I always kinda hated God or whatever is responsible for making us, because he made me this way, with a father who just saw me as a weapon; with no mother but a test tube; with a brother who learned to hate me; with people just using me and not caring for what I really am. But… I was able to meet you because of all the troubles I’ve gone through.”


“Shaw…” I got my finger in her lips, asking her to be silent. If she stops me, I will lose all courage. I have to tell her this and I really need to do this now.


“For the first time in my life… I want to do things with another person. And once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. There are so many things I want to do with you. From small things to big grand plans, they’re all inside my mind”. Her smile is spreading in her beautiful face. And I can see a few tears in her eyes. Oh, no, MC… Please don’t cry or I may be crying too and this becomes even more pathetic. “But I don’t want to tell you about it right now. I’m afraid you’ll run off if I tell you… I’m afraid something bad will happen again. If I say it, and something happens to me… it’ll be so sad if they don’t come true.”


I lean down and kiss her forehead, touching it with my own after it.


“So for now, the dreams I have about our life will just stay inside me. You know… tonight might be our last night. Or… we might be able to spend the rest of our lives together. I don’t know the results… but if tonight is our last... I just want to do one thing.”


My heart is pounding so fast in my chest that I think it may explode. She is just holding me tight like I was going to leave at any moment. Usually, that would happen, I’m the first to go, always running from any feelings, any pain… or any love. But not tonight. Not when, if I fail, this is the last moment of happiness I’ll have.


“Can I… be a bit selfish to ya? I want to leave on you evidence that I existed.” - I lift her face, looking at her eyes. I don’t know how experienced she is, so I could be asking too much here. But in her eyes, I see only that strong, resolute spirit that I know. That and love? Passion? It is a feeling so unknown to me that I can't quite pinpoint what it is. - “I want to hold ya tight and love ya all night so that you can remember me forever. Will ya let me?”




That’s the only word that leaves her lips and for a moment all is silent and there is just us in the world. In the following moment, our lips are together again, her soft moans being better than any song I played before. In a blink of an eye, I am hovering over her body, one hand already in her waist, another in her neck, getting the deepest possible kiss. I want to melt myself into her, just want to be part of her and never let her go. 


I let my mouth travel for her face, until her neck, branding her as my own there. Her nails went deep into my arms, leaving red half-moon marks. I wonder if I can hit a tattoo artist tomorrow, so I can get those marks in me forever. A stupid idea probably, but I had worse ideas before, that’s nothing new. 


From my arms, her hand goes to my hair and the feeling of her running her fingers there is so comforting that part of me just wants to stop kissing her collarbone to feel it. But at the same time, the taste of her skin on my tongue is so addicting, I could be licking her forever.


I look at her hoodie and Sailor Moon looks back at me. The same moon buns in her and in my MC. Ok, you must go, Usagi. I get her out of the piece of clothing in a swift motion. Underneath it, she is wearing a black and lavender lace bra, with ribbons and almost totally transparent. It is so sweet and at the same time, so sexy, just like her. I wonder if her panties will match it. If so, she was hoping we would do this… But she wouldn’t, would she? I look at her face, a raised eyebrow. She is flustered.


“Do you like it?” Her voice is so low, I almost can’t hear it. But the thought that today, when she got dressed, she chose this with me in her mind makes my pants start to become really tight.


“I love it when you dress up for me,” I say to her, sincerely. The blush in her cheeks intensify. So sweet and pure. I wonder how many guys saw her like this, hoping I’m the only one. I let myself drown in her image: bra, shorts, and fishnets. So, so perfect.


I let my hand trail from her sides, knowing that she is ticklish. She starts to try to get rid of my hands, but since I’m stronger and also I’m between her legs, she can’t do much. I just hold her hands above her head, pressuring her body with my own. Just like that and she stops laughing when our faces get closer.


“If my kitten will start to show her claws, I’ll have to tie her up.” She gasps, which makes me laugh. I also take this time to lift my knee, getting direct contact at her core. She looks surprised when her body acts on its own, rubbing at my leg. That’s it, my girl. Tonight is about the two of us and this must be our most memorable moment. 


She cries out my name, pulling me closer by my shirt. That’s my favorite sound from now on. Her kisses are getting more and more passionate and I feel dizzy. At the same time, I know I have to keep myself focused because she isn’t just a girl I got in the live house. I need this to be perfect and I have just one shot at it.


Her hands work fast, getting my button-up shirt off and soon she is starting to take off my black turtleneck. Oh no. I don’t know if I’m ready for her to see the marks of my failures. But, of course, she is fast and as soon as she starts to raise my shirt and sees the scars, her eyes jump to mine. Soon the turtleneck is on the floor and her fingers are studying all the marks. Her eyes are filled with preoccupation and my heart is pounding fast.


“Why?” Is all that she asks. How can I explain to her that sometimes life sucks and all you can do is endure yourself so you don’t suffer? How to say that sometimes that one who was supposed to love and protect you, sometimes just see you as a weapon, so he just tries to see how long it will take for you to break? Or how to explain that there are people in this world who will get a young and scared child and just experiment on him until he is strong enough to flee from their hands? I don’t have the answer to that and she sees it in my eyes.


So, she just sits, both of her hands in my chest, pushing me until we exchange positions. When she is on top, she starts kissing each one of my scars. She is the first person I let see it and she just… made this right. I know I should be getting turned on from her kisses, but they are so soft and pure that all I feel is… Love. And she fills me with this feeling until every scar is kissed. Then, when she kisses me, I wonder if, after all this mess is resolved, we could find a place that only we know and just live from the love we share.


From my lips, she starts to go down, the kisses now a little different. She is a little hesitant, but resolute. She works on my belt, then my zipper and soon my jeans and boxers are on the floor. I didn’t know she would have enough courage to just take everything off at once.


When she looks at me, I can see she is clearly nervous. I mean, this couldn’t be the first time she is seeing a naked man, right? C’mon, she has almost a harem behind her. But, I decided to have sure, because she is getting a little too flustered, even if she tries to hide it. “The way you are looking at me, it seems ya never saw a dick before”. Her eyes go directly to the floor, as that was the most interesting thing in the universe. The blush in her cheeks gets even redder. Oh, shit. She is… a virgin?


“Why didn’t you tell me beforehand, MC?” I’m a little flustered myself. I mean, I don’t remember if I had a virgin before. But more than that. If this is her first time… Fuck, now that I need to be sure she a. wants it and b. enjoys it.


“I thought it didn’t matter…” That’s a lie. I know it and she knows it. I just sigh, sitting and making her sit on my side.


“Hey, kitten.” She doesn’t look at me and I know she is embarrassed. “Look at me, please. Good Girl. Look, this is an important decision… I’ll understand if you want to just keep it on the heavy petting.”


“NO!” She almost jumps, looking surprised at herself. “I… I really want to do this with you, Shaw. I trust you. I want you to be my first. Please. Don’t let me die a virgin.” She says that with a chuckle and slightly open lips while starting to stroke my cock. Fuck, if she is a virgin, how she learned to do that? I just pull her, kissing her like there is no tomorrow for us, which I need to remember, there isn’t. Suddenly she is straddling me, her hand working faster, making me moan her name. She is so, so good to me. Her kisses going down, until the moment she starts such a perfect blowjob that I need to remember that I can’t just cum in seconds. And believe me, this is really hard, especially when her eyes meet mine, while she takes me all in her mouth. Fuck, she is so amazing. I run my hand in her hair. I wish it was loose, so I could run my fingers through it since I always wondered what it would be like. But now, we need to change what is happening, because I can feel myself almost cumming and I don’t want to do that now.


“My kitten looks so pretty in her knees and with my cock buried in her mouth”. I swear she almost purred at the compliment. “But now I really need to stop this, or things will end sooner than I want them to”. 


She blushes while sitting on the sofa again. Now it is my turn. With a swift movement, I unhook her bra, which makes her squeal. Adorable. Then, I slowly run my fingers down her arms, releasing the straps of her bra until the lingerie is on the floor. Her boobs are amazing, fuck. I just want to take them in my mouth, but I keep remembering that she needs time to get used to being touched. So I first let myself slowly touch her collarbone, then chest, then finally her breast. I touch her with the lightest touch as possible, which only makes her want more, I can see in her eyes. When her breathing is fast, I pinch one nipple, rolling it on my finger, without taking my eyes off her face. 


Then, when she locks eyes with me, I let myself smirk and slowly, always so slowly, I get her other nipple in my mouth. Ah, feeling her taste is amazing. I wonder what the rest of her will taste too and I can’t wait to prove it. Her back is starting to arch itself, so I let it leave my mouth with pop while starting going down until her shorts. As soon as the piece and her fishnets are on the floor, I look at her panties. And, oh yeah, devilish girl, she matched bra and panty. Kneeling between her legs, I start to take off her last piece of clothing, without stopping looking at her eyes.


“I really hope you are ready for this,” I say while kissing her calves, then knees, then thighs. In her inners thighs, I also nibble it until I leave a mark. Maybe she will look at it when I’m not around anymore and think about me. I hope she will miss me and not just feel regret. “Because I must say that at the moment I really taste you, I may become addicted. And then, you will have to be the only remedy of mine. Only mine.”


“Shaw…” Her smile is soft and soon her hands are again in my cheek. “I’m already only yours. I didn't wanna fall in love, not at all. But at some point you smiled, and, holy shit, I blew it.” Her smile is capable of lighting up an entire city, I can say that. And her words… How can she leave me totally speechless with so few words like that? And I swear I’m trying to process the L-word she said, but I can’t. Not right now. 


“By the way, call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you. I mean, you just need to endure a few more days before everything is over, ok? So don’t go jumping in somebody else’s pants”. She laughs while I’m feeling really embarrassed. Fuck. I need to stop her from thinking of anything else, so I start to open her legs until I can see her precious treasure. Oh, my, I could just ravish her now. But I take a deep breath and start my way from her thigh, until her folders. First with only my tongue, then with my fingers too. She is so wet already and I can’t stop feeling really proud of my work.


Slowly, being extra careful to not hurt her, I insert one finger inside her. Her moans are getting intense, while my tongue and finger work together. Adding a second finger makes her hand pull my hair, almost burying my face in her core. When I add the third finger, curling them to hit that spot I know will make her cum, she starts to scream my name, while riding my face. I took a few more strokes and I can feel her walls compressing my fingers. It is amazing. Now she is ready for my cock. And I need to be inside her or I’ll explode.


She looks at me with heavy eyelids. Hehehe, so pretty. At her side, Sharky is staring at me. Sailor Moon too, on the floor. Ok, time to go to bed. I get her legs around my waist and holding her, I bring her to my bed. The vision of her laying down while holding her body in her elbows is amazing. I just take a moment to truly enjoy this vision. She is hell and heaven. An angel but also a succubus. The perfect pair for me and the one I shouldn’t want. I want her. I love her. Oh wow, this is the first time I really think this so clearly. But that’s it. I love her and for her, I would go through all the purgatory, hell, and heaven, just like Dante. All hope abandon ye who enter here. Indeed. 


I go to my bathroom, to get a condom. Even if we are going to probably die in two weeks, I’ll still be safe. Besides, I need to believe this isn’t our last time. That we are going to survive. And to that be perfect, I really don’t want a baby, ok? I look for a moment in my mirror and I’m a mess. She messed up all my hair at this point and… wait, she gave me hickeys in my neck and chest. Dirty girl. 


When I get back to the room, I can see she is in the middle on the bed, resting her back on my pillows. I bet they will have her smell in the morning. I wish I could sleep in there just to smell her around me. My mind is working fast, trying to decide which position would be more comfortable for her. Usually, I would just take the girl doggy style, but not my MC. I want to see her face, to see the pleasure I know I can deliver to her. I chuckle when I remember which is our best position right now, cuz even the name is perfect: The lotus. Oh, the irony. Ok, now that’s decided, time to work this out. 


“Are you really ready for this?” I need to give her a way out if she isn’t feeling secure. But the smile she gives me is pure seduction. “Ok, listen to me. This is your first time, so it can be a little uncomfortable, ok. So, we will do this in parts, until you are ready.” I finish rolling my condom until I’m ready for her, then I jump at her side in the bed, which makes her laugh.


“And remember, you are the one in control here. If you feel that you don’t want to continue, just let me know, ok?”. I let myself caress her face, then kiss her forehead. “Now, I need you to get over here”. I lay down, trying to put myself in the middle of the bed, but she just looks at me with big Bambi eyes.


“Do you want me to be on top?” She is a little scared, maybe this isn’t exactly a good idea. But I also know how missionary will be boring to her, and how she can control the pace of my dick entering her like this.


“Look, I will hold you and you will take me slowly, until you are used to having me inside you, ok?” She looks a little insecure, but soon she is straddling me. She looks at my dick a little scared. I mean, I get it. I’m not exactly small or thin, thank you, but I know how wet she is and after her first orgasm, she is ready to take me.


“How… What I do”. I can see she is trying to be brave. I pull her body until her ass is in the air. I need to take a moment later to check her ass, cuz I don’t remember if I did it tonight yet. Then, I position myself at her entrance. She soon understands what she needs to be done. As soon as she starts to lower herself, I let my hand out of my dick, and hold her by her hips. She is tight and, honestly, I’m so scared of hurting her that I almost ask her to stop. But one look at her face and I can see she is enjoying it. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is open, moaning softly. Just the best vision in the world. 


As soon as our hips are connected, I sit, crossing my legs, so I can give her a nest to sit as well. She is panting, our foreheads connected. “Are you ready, kitten?” She nods, starting to move her hips and it is so so good, I’m soon a mess. “How do you know what to do if this is your first time?” I can’t stop myself from asking. She just laughs, before a large moan leaves her mouth when I nibble her ear while I’m moving her hips faster. “I’m just doing like I do when I dance”. That makes sense. My smart girl. 


Our breaths are in sync and I bet our hearts are too. I can’t stop moaning how good she is making me feel, while she is just calling my name like I’m a lifeboat in this ocean of pleasure. I can sense how her movements are getting sloppy and she is losing control of it. So I take control, moving her hips with an arm. The other goes to her front, searching for her clit. When I found it, she just gave up on any form of self-restraint, being just animalistic. Her pants are heavier, her moans are louder and when she kisses me, I can feel her walls contracting again, this time on my dick. And it is so strong and so amazing that I just follow her in the orgasm, while we are still looking in each other's eyes.


I help her lay down in bed, getting out of her body with a feeling of sadness. I would like to make her body my home since it seems it is the only place I can find peace. I take out the condom, throwing out in the garbage bin I have close to the bed. Then I lay down as well. As soon as I do it, though, she is cuddling with my chest. So adorable. The L-word is at the tip of my lips but what if everything went down? What if I’m wrong and what we are going to do doesn’t work? What if I don’t deserve her?


I mean, I can’t give her stability like Victor, or make her happy like Kiro, or even the knowledge that Lucien can share. And worse, I can’t be what she needs, like my brother would be. Her knight in shiny armor. What am I? Just a punk guy, who most of the people see just like a garbage bag. Two big organizations are hunting me and being at my side would make her a target. Even so, part of me wants to just fight everything and everyone until I deserve to really call her mine.


“What are you thinking?” She says to me, her finger trying to undo the frown in my forehead.


“I’m thinking that you must have been in some sort of sex class. It is not possible that you aren’t experienced. Here I was, afraid of you breaking my dick and you make me have the most intense orgasm of my life.” She is blushing but I can see that her smile is proud. She pulls me by the neck and kisses me with passion. And honestly, I usually have a lot of stamina and can go all night, but with this vixen, I feel drained.


“Thank you.” She says, her eyes still closed after the kiss. And I know she isn’t talking about the amazing sex. I turn myself, so I can face her properly. When she opens her eyes again, there are tears there. I know that there are tears in mine as well. “It is so unfair that you just decided to be soft when the world was ending, you know. I’m kinda hating you right now.” She chuckles, but again there isn’t happiness on it.


“I know and I’m sorry.” I caress her face, softly. She is making me feel so warm and loved inside. It is really unfair that this is goodbye. “How about this: I promise you that when everything is over, we will just start everything again. And this time I’ll be a little less jerk”.


“I don’t believe that’s possible. You are a true jerk.” It is my turn of a chuckle.


“Well, I can at least try. And I’ll give you a new first date, even if you want a boring one with cinema and food”.


“And I also want a first kiss in the rain.” The rain… Now that she says, I can notice how strong it is raining outside. I’m so used to this sound, that sometimes I just ignore it. But I know that she knows what it means.


“Ok, cinema, food, and kiss in the rain. What else”.


“I want you to promise me.” She says and the look in her eyes is so sad I feel it is ripping my heart out. “I know you aren’t doing this because of something that will happen two weeks from now. I know that you are planning something and this is a goodbye, Shaw. So I want you to promise me: One, if you see that what you are doing will not work, you will be back to me. If I have to die next to someone, I want them to be you.”


I nod, feeling the first tear fall from my eye, at the same time, a tear does the same in her face.


“Second, if you find out that it will work, but the price is you, you will give up and come back. I prefer to die than to be without you. And the last one: If it doesn’t work out and we die, please don’t be late to meet me at heaven”.


“You know, I’ll probably be in hell. Is where all the fun is.” She laughs, burying her face in my neck. Our tears are flowing freely.


“Then I’ll go to meet you there. I promise you that. I can’t live one moment more without you, Shaw”.


I hug her tightly, like if I would just merge in her and we wouldn’t need to be apart anymore.


“You know, I never said this to anyone. Not a friend, not a parent, not a lover, but I need to say it you”. With a finger, I turn her face until I’m looking at her eyes. “I love you. So, yeah, I promise all that and so much more to you.”


She kisses me. And while we just hug, we end up falling asleep.


The next morning I’m happy for being the first to wake up. I just stay in bed, with her in my arms, like it was supposed to happen. My MC. I remember when I first heard her name. Just a girl that my brother was obsessed. Just a play toy, so I could get into him. But then she found a way to get into me, inch by inch. First getting my curiosity, then my respect and now my heart, body and soul. Like it was meant to be that she would belong to me. I just never thought I would end up belonging to her too.


But this is real life and not a mobile game. So soon she woke up as well. We don’t need to talk to know that it is time. We dress up in silence and soon it is time to leave. I can hear the rain outside. An awful time to be in the street. I want to be here with her, warm and loved, and not playing a hero. But for her, for the future we can have, I need to go. I search for an umbrella, discovering that I just have one. It is really the end of the world.


At the door, I open the umbrella, so she can protect herself from the rain. We just walk, hand-in-hand until the bus stop. I look at my building at the distance. I didn’t go to the roof this time. But I found another place to feel safe in her arms, so I guess that’s ok. Her bus is coming and my chest is going to explode. I don’t want to go. I don’t want her to go. But I need to. And she needs to. So we just look at each other. A whole conversation passes between our eyes. She knows it and I know it. Her smile is the saddest smile I ever saw, but I know that mine is the same. In her arms, Sharky seems to be saying goodbye as well. I hope he can make her company while I’m gone.


“Here”, I close the umbrella and hand it to her. “I’ll want it back next time”.


“Just don’t be late.” She says and then our hands are separated and she gets up on the bus. She looks at me through the window, making Sharky wave to me. A stupid chuckle leaves my mouth, while the tears get mixed with the rain.


Just wait for me, MC. My kitten, my queen, my rain, my love. We will save our future together.

To Rain.

The best storm in my life.

I love you, sis.