Olivia woke leisurely and without even opening her eyes she felt the bright Sunday morning sun on her face. The solid weight and warmth of her lover were at her back, an arm was over her waist and his hand was resting on her belly.
How many nights had she dreamed of this? Of waking in his arms and feeling like everything was right with the world?
She felt his lips on her neck and pushed back against him with a soft smile.
"Rafael…" she whispered.
The body behind her tensed and Olivia felt propelled toward alertness.
"Olivia?" The familiar voice asked her tightly.
She felt as though she had lost the power of speech as the reality of the moment landed heavily on her chest.
"Olivia?" He asked again sharply.
She winced and breathed deeply, delaying opening her eyes and facing the situation.
As her lover shifted away she felt the weight on the bed redistribute - the air in the room was thick with anger, pain and something Olivia felt resembled inevitability.
"Rafael fucking Barba?" Ed Tucker demanded sharply as he pulled on his shirt and began to gather his things. "Really?"
Olivia sighed and finally opened her eyes, turning toward Tucker as he tugged on his pants and then walked around the bed to hunt for his shoes.
"I was asleep, Ed. Just dreaming…" She attempted to explain and then winced when she realised how that sounded.
"Fuck, Olivia, how is that meant to make this better?" He asked with a humorless laugh. "I wake up with you in my arms and you're murmuring another guy's name!"
"I…" Olivia started.
"And Barba?" Tucker toed on his shoes and reached for his jacket. "If you're going to dream about another guy while you're in bed with me it'd be nice if you weren't tradin' down."
Olivia's face tightened with a little anger now. "This is about you and me, Ed, Rafael has nothing to do with-"
"He's an arrogant, obstinate, self-important little prick," Tucker snapped furiously.
"Rafael is my closest friend! Or at least he was until…" Anger had blended with Olivia's guilt now as she sat up in bed with the sheet wrapped under her arms.
"He's a self-serving asshole who only hangs on your every word in the hope that one day he might weasel his way into your bed! Why do you think he dropped you so quick when he found out about me?" Tucker's voice was raised now.
"You know absolutely nothing about him! And will you keep your voice down? You'll wake Noah!" Olivia hissed.
Tucker let out a long breath and then turned away as he flung some things into a bag. "This isn't working, Liv."
"No shit!" Olivia retorted sharply.
"That's it?" Tucker turned around to look at her now, he was angry but also more than a little hurt. "All these months together and you're happy to just give up without a fight?"
Olivia sighed, "You're right, Ed, this isn't working and we both know it…" she sat back against the headboard. "We want different things, you want to retire, I'm not ready. Then there's Noah…"
"And the fact you're dreaming about fucking Barba while you're in bed with me!" Tucker added dryly.
Olivia didn't respond to that, she could hardly deny it, she'd woken up with his name on her lips. She combed her fingers through her hair.
"You know he won't want any of this, right?" He nodded around her room and then back in the direction of Noah. "Barba's a terminal bachelor, you're deluded if you think he wants anything to do with a single mom and her kid."
"This isn't about choosing Rafael over you, but I'm willing to admit that this morning is probably a symptom of the fact that we're not working," Olivia said regretfully.
"You're claiming that you don't want Barba?" Tucker asked with a mocking tone.
Olivia let out a long breath and licked her lips. "I'm saying that we aren't working, that would need to be addressed whether or not Rafael was in my life," she explained calmly.
Ed smirked and picked up his bag. "Nicely sidestepped," he retorted dryly.
Olivia quickly pulled on some clothes as Tucker left her bedroom and walked toward the exit. "Ed!" she whispered forcefully and he paused with his hand on the door. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to…" She paused and then concluded, "I mean, I care for you...a lot..."
He turned and shook his head, "Let's not do this, okay? I really wanted this to work…but I do have some damn self-respect."
She nodded sadly, "I hope one day we can be…"
"Friends?" He asked with astonishment laced through his tone. Then he sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds before looking at her with a brief nod, "Maybe…one day…" he conceded as he opened the door and then left.
Olivia rolled her eyes and physically deflated against a nearby wall. Fuck.