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English
Series:
Part 3 of Quiet Life? Don't Know Them!
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Published:
2020-07-20
Updated:
2020-08-25
Words:
4,687
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10/?
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10
Kudos:
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Città di Maria

Summary:

(RATED TEEN FOR USE OF PROFANITY!)

Welcome to the Town of Maria, a revamped town sponsored by Passione! With running water, working electricity, and a continuous supply of food brought in through the convenience store, nothing can go wrong... or can it?

What happens when the JoJos, JoBros, and JoFoes move in the town?

Find out now!
(Inconsistent updates, so subscribing to this fic is completely optional)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Diego dialled Giorno's number and pressed the call button.

"...*Buongiorno, chi è questo?"

"Giorno, it's me," Diego mumbled, holding the I-Pad close to his ear. It looked ridiculous, but we're not here to judge, are we?

"Ah." Giorno cleared his throat. "Hello, what do you need? I'm quite busy right now."

He looked around. "I'm here, in the town. Can you tell me a little about the place so I'm familiar with it?"

"Of course!" Giorno replied with an enthusiastic tone. "So, there are the houses. Going off on the assumption that you know where you'll live at-"

"I do know, don't worry about it." Diego interrupted.

"-There are the markets, the convenience stores, the park located at the centre of the town... hmm, what else? Oh right, some more things a town obviously needs that I forgot about. I do suggest the Akai Bara Convenience Store, as the things in it are god-tier."

"Alright, thanks for, uh, making time to talk to me. I really appreciate it."

"No problem!" Diego swore he could hear a smile in Giorno's voice. "Anyways, I have to go now. See you soon?"

"See you soon."

And, just like that, the call ended.

--

"Maria, Maria! Maria Radio~ Good noon! I hope you all have been enjoying your lunches! I'm Irene, your host for today's episode! Today's radio episode is sponsored by *SkSkSk.co, a company well known for displaying dark humour in their advertisements."

--

  1. The Joestar Family:
    - The youngsters swear too much
    - The elders are stressed 24/7
    - "What are stands?" asked young Joseph and Jonathan
    - Giorno is basically the only thing keeping them in contact with the Brandos

  2. The Brando Family:
    - Angry 24/365 at their neighbours
    - Heaven Ascended DIO is actually more annoying than Jotaro. Who would've thought?
    - Tolerates the Joestars (unless it's Jotaro or Jolyne)
    - "What are stands?" the youngest Dio asked
    - Diego is thirsty with no context

  3. The Bucciarati Famiglia:
    - Strip poker? YES!
    - Is Narancia a boy or a girl?
    - Tired mom Bruno and menacing dad Abbacchio
    - The fear of *quatro is in the air
  4. The Pillar Men (feat. is it a dog or a person?):
    - Santana is a family pet? WHAT THE FU-
    - Weekly milk baths with Kars and Esidisi and Wamuu
    - P o s e
    - "Awaken, my masters! Breakfast is ready!"

  5. The Aceto's:
    - Not much to say here, other than yes, they love risotto
    - Diavolo was given the surname "Aceto" after they 'married'
    - Torururururu!

  6. La Squadra di Ezecuzioni:
    - Is that a food reference?
    - "WHY WON'T YOU USE VENEZIA?!! IT'S THE CORRECT TERM, DAMN IT!"
    - You can smell Melone's horny from a mile away
    - Cursed as hell
    - "Ungratefully Alive. Please kill me."

  7. The Valentines:
    - All about napkins
    - Gay rights are human rights! Woo!
    - "Honey, would you be a doll and take the second napkin?" "Anything for you, honey."

  8. The Kira's:
    - Mother and son
    - "What a beautiful duwang town." (chew)
    - Yoshikage is a mother's boy. I rest my case.
    - "My name is Yoshikage Kira. I am 33 years old. I am single, and work for Gucci."

--

Welcome, my friends, to the town of Maria.

Notes:

Additional information:

*Buongiorno, chi è questo? = Good morning, who's this?
*SkSkSk.co = a fake company I made for the sake of showing off my dark humour and strangely antique products

*quatro = four

Chapter 2: "Maria, Maria..."

Summary:

I needed to get Yoshikage's mum in this
So I did :)

Notes:

The 'Maria, Maria... Maria Radio' intro was a reference to one of my favourite K-Pop songs, María by Hwasa.
Go stan Hwasa please

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Maria, Maria... Maria Radio."

Two hands skillfully chopped up a bunch of vegetables required for the soup that was going to be made. The radio's noises mixed in with the sounds of boiling broth and the chopping of onions and carrots.

"Hello, and good noon, citizens of the town of Maria, and welcome to another episode of Maria Radio! I am Irene, your host for today!"

A woman of considerable age walked into the kitchen with a cup of steaming hot tea in hand. She smiled as she watched the star of the kitchen cook.

"Oh, Yoshi! It already smells wonderful." She breathed in the aroma of food wafting in the air.

The person in question turned around and smiled back. "I've been perfecting my craft for... a decade, so of course it's going to be wonderful!"

His mother laughed, her laughter sounding like the chiming of bells. "Of course! How would I forget?" He couldn't help but chuckle along too, admiring how happy his mother was.

Yoshikage made a mental note to get more tea as soon as he could, since the stock was already starting to run out.

His phone rang.

"I'll help you pick it up, don't worry!" his mother said, placing her cup down carefully on the counter. With a delicate hand, she picked up the phone and clicked the Accept button, making sure to hold it close to his ear.

"Hey, buddy."

"Kira!" Doppio exclaimed, voice as cheerful as ever. "How are you doing this fine day?"

Yoshikage smiled. "Wonderful, thank you. And you?"

"Awesome! I'm doing awesome!"

"That's good to hear."

"So... we were wondering..."

"We?" Kira pointed out.

"Diavolo and I were wondering if we could have lunch at your place. We... can't cook, unfortunately."

Yoshikage quietly laughed. "Is that so? Well then, you can come, but only for today, do you hear me?"

"Yes sir!" Doppio replied enthusiastically. "All right, I'm gonna go get dressed. See you soon?"

"See you soon."

She pulled the phone away from his ear and put it back on the counter next to her cup of tea. "I'm so happy to see you've made friends, dear. They seem like wonderful people."

"They are!" Yoshikage's face hurt from smiling so much, but for the first time in years, he didn't mind the pain. "Anyways, you should go back. It's quite hot in here." His mother nodded before walking out the kitchen, her now-lukewarm cup of tea in hand.

With nothing else to listen to, he tuned back in to the radio.

"A few days ago, a young boy who looked to be no older than 11 claimed to have set the house of a famous mangaka, Kishibe Rohan, on fire with, as I directly quote from him, 'his stand, Burn the House Down'. He also firmly stated that he 'had no regrets', possibly referring to the house fire. Who would've thought that our town would already have its first case of house fire?"

He smirked, loading the carrots into the now-simmering broth.

'Of course, that smug bastard deserved it.'

"Thank you, dear listeners, for taking your time to come and listen to this radio. It's 12 PM now, so we'll see you after the break!"

He cracked an egg open onto the hot pan, allowing the egg to sizzle and cook.

In the meantime, he prepared the dishes and cutlery for the occasion.

'Good thing I made more than enough rice,' he thought as he quickly pushed a pair of chopsticks around in the pot to break up the rice and prevent it from sticking to the bottom of the pot. 'Else, they might've had to starve.'

The doorbell rang.

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" his mother shouted distantly from outside the kitchen.

She put down the cup of tea and rushed towards the door.

In the doorway stood two men of the same height, with one looking much more youthful and happy than the other.

"Hello, Mrs. Kira!" the brighter of the two exclaimed, smiling widely. They both exchanged nods and shook hands. "How have you been doing? I heard that Mr. Yoshikage has been taking great care of you!"

"Ah yes, he has been doing a wonderful job spoiling me with such wonderful food and kind words!" she smiled, her blonde tresses falling over her shoulders. "Well then, gentlemen, please come in! I'm sure he's going to be delighted to see you!" The two men stepped inside, the older of the two flashing a quick polite smile before leaving his shoes by the shoe rack.

As the three made their way towards the dining room, Yoshikage set up the table, making sure to place the plates and cutlery in the most flattering positions possible.

"Yoshi! Your friends are here!" his mother walked in with Doppio and Diavolo following closely behind her.

"Yoshikage."

"Diavolo. Doppio."

The three exchanged curt nods before sitting down at the table, already prepped with the most aromatic foods and the most perfect cutlery and plate arrangement, along with some water by their side.

"Waa! This all looks so nice and inviting!" Doppio cried out, breathing in the aroma of the food laid in front of him. "I didn't know you could cook so well! I bet you can rival Father Pucci too in a cooking competition."

Kira's mother beamed. "Wow! I didn't know you've befriended a priest too! My gosh, you're so good with people, Yoshi!"

Yoshikage nervously laughed, sitting down beside her. "Yeah, I sure am... haha." He stood back up. "I like to listen to a radio whenever I eat, so I'm gonna go get it from the kitchen. I'll be right back." The others nodded in understanding as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Alright, everyone, we're back again, this time with a sponsor!"

With a quick swipe of a hand, he snatched the radio off of the kitchen counter.

He strolled back to the table and placed the radio on the window by the dining table.

"Alright, let's dig in, shall we?"

...

"It's now... 1 PM! I, Irene, your host for today, will be back after our commercial break!"

"Thank you so much for letting us eat here!" Doppio smiled, fervently shaking Yoshikage's hand. Diavolo silently smiled. "We'll definitely try out your recipe, we promise!"

"It's fine." The blonde smiled, chuckling.

He waved at Kira's mother. "Goodbye, ma'am! Thank you for your hospitality!"

"Oh, it's nothing!" she replied, patting him lightly on the back. She did the same for the older of the two. "You too, quiet boy." He nodded with another smile.

Once they took their leave, Yoshikage walked into the dining room and began cleaning the place up.

"Yoshi, would you like me to help?"

He looked up and nodded. "Of course."

They then spent the next few minutes together in silence with the radio going off in the background.

Luck was truly on the side of Yoshikage Kira.

Notes:

holy this was exhausting to write
I hope you enjoyed this though!

if you're wondering why this is longer than how I usually write my fics, it's because I'm trying to change up my writing style hehe

Chapter 3: MY WINDOW WHAT THE FU-

Summary:

Someone broke Dio's window.
Damn, the man really can't catch a break.

Notes:

Peoples, I have decided that I'll just give the tamer chapters titles that are obvious K-Pop references while the more chaotic ones have, well, titles that already radiate chaotic energy.

also this might only be long because of the spaces, but I don't know honestly so shrugs

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Pucci, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me this weekend."

"Why not? I don't have any plans for the weekends, so sure!"

"Alright then, let's go with... Sunday, okay?"

"Sounds good to me."

---

"Don't tell me you're going to take his balls."

"Shut up, Johnny, and let me borrow them for today, okay?" Diego yelled back, getting himself ready. He subconsciously turned the spider that was just crawling by into a spider and pet the creature before turning it back into its original form. "I'm going to do something mischievous today!"

Johnny sighed. "What are you gonna do, then?"

"Break Dio's window."

He jumped back. "What the fuck, Diego?! You know how angry the man gets when you piss him off!"

Diego shrugged. "If it means I get entertainment, then I don't mind making him angry. I don't know how to use the Golden Spin, so would you mind?"

"Does it mean that I still get to blame you for making Dio furious?"

"Absolutely."

"Can't you ask Valentine to do it for you?"

"He'd break my neck!" he stood up at full height, placing his hands on his hips in a dramatic manner.

"Alright, fine, I'll go with you."

Johnny groaned as Diego cheered as they exited the house.

This was not going to go well.

...

"...Mio caro, perché stai in silenzio?"

(chair noises)

"Non possiamo stare insieme. Devo andare."

"Cosa intendi?"

"Non siamo fatti per essere."

(shoe noises)

"Non andartene, amore mio!"

"Mi dispiace... amore. Ma devo andare! Addio."

"No! Per favore ti prego! (weeps in Italian)"

"Mm, this sure is a good turkey sandwich," Dio said, lounging on the couch with a turkey sandwich and some nice and fizzy soda. "I understand nothing from this show and the subtitles aren't helping at all, but this sure is nice."

He bit off another piece.

"Mm, absolutely wonderful."

His phone suddenly rang. The screen showed 'fucking kujo bastard'.

Right.

"Hello? What can you possibly need from me?"

"Remember the biscuits you brought over the other day?"

The blonde started sweating. Did they find out he put peanut butter in them?

"Was there something wrong with them?"

"Yeah, Pucci came over today and started preaching what it meant to be verified in the eyes of the lord and shit, so Jolyne decided to shut him up with the biscuits. Apparently, they were so good that after one bite, he literally fainted for a minute before jumping around the house, screaming 'Ho fatto un boner!' so loudly, he woke younger me up."

An uncomfortable silence suddenly hung over the line.

"...Hello? Are you still on?"

"Uh. Sorry...?"

"Yeah, you better be sorry! Pucci got his feet broken by younger me's Star Platinum, and Jonathan had to come and heal his leg all over again."

"I guess my mother's recipe really was that good." He smiled, relaxing on the couch. "Or it might've been because he loved biscuits a little too much. I honestly don't know."

"Anyways, Joseph and Jonathan are here, I have to go now."

"Goodbye! Also, tell Jonathan hello for me too, will you?"

"Won't do."

He then promptly hung up.

"Ah, I, Dio, feel so at peace!"

He bit off another piece of the sandwich, making sure to savour the taste as he tuned back into the soap opera.

"At least they didn't notice the peanut butter."

"Mamma ... mi ha lasciato!"

"Adesso, adesso... Dimmi cosa è successo."

"Mi ha lasciato! Si prende nemmeno cura di me?"

(more sobbing)

"Non ti preoccupare, cara. Prenditi il tuo tempo, ok?"

He took a sip of his soda.

"What a beautiful day-"

Suddenly, something hit the window in the dining room and laid on the floor, beside the shards of glass from the window.

"WHO BROKE THE FUCKING WINDOW?!"

Dio quickly stood up and went to inspect the damage and noticed a green ball laying in the pile of broken glass.

As carefully as he could, he picked up the ball, his anger flaring up.

The youngest Dio came downstairs and yawned. "I think I saw Diego throw the ball. I don't know honestly, since I went back to sleep as soon as he threw the ball." He checked the fridge, completely unbothered by the window that was now blown to smithereens. "Oh, you made turkey sandwiches? That's nice."

"CAN'T HAVE SHIT IN MARIA!"

The current Dio muttered curses under his breath as he stepped outside into the light.

The last thing Diego saw was Dio smiling creepily with his hand outstretched towards his face.

"V i b e c h e c k."

He screamed.

...

"Oh lord, what happened to you?"

Diego whimpered, limping towards his girlfriend before collapsing on top of her. "H-He broke my knee caps..."

Hot Pants sighed, before standing up. "Wait here, okay? I'll go get the first-aid kit and help you clean up your wounds."

"Thanks, love."

"Don't call me that or I'll turn you into a paraplegic."

"Anything for you, love."

She turned around and chuckled. "You really are insufferable, you know?"

He smiled through the pain. "I just simply love you, mio caro."

Hot Pants reached for the first-aid kit with a smile on her face.

"Love you too, idiota."

Notes:

chew

"What a beautiful day- WHO BROKE THE FUCKING WINDOW?! CAN'T HAVE SHIT IN MARIA!"

Peak fluff at the end because who doesn't love DinoPants? I know I do! (chew)

Chapter 4: Family Reunion but it's the Pillar Men

Summary:

Self-explanatory title!
Enjoy, woo!

Notes:

I'd like to confess that I've been thinking of making a FNaF fic spin off where the pizzeria crew is actually part of a mafia and Chica and Bonnie are married

Another idea I had was doing DioKars but Kars has to trade his body in return for the blessing

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Santana, are you sure we're going to the right place? Everything looks so weird and new," Wamuu asked as Santana parked their car in the airport's parking spot. He nervously glanced at the cars parked beside them.

"Yeah, we're in the right place alright." He unbuckled his seat belt before pulling out his phone. "We have... an hour left before the elders arrive. We can just chill here for a bit." He scrolled through his feed in hopes of having at least something interesting to look at.

Wamuu scowled and flicked the younger one's head, earning a yelp from the latter.

"What the fuck, man? I'm just trying to chill. You can turn on the radio, for all I care."

"You're always distracted, you know?"

He sighed, leaning back on his seat. "Well, what can I do? I'm bored and there's nothing better to do!"

Wamuu clicked a few things on the touchscreen before the radio started.

"Now we will be playing 'Pporappippam' by Sunmi. Please enjoy. The next song after 'Pporappippam' is 'R.o.S.E Blue' by Dreamcatcher."

Santana exhaled. "Finally, they're playing something worth listening to."

"I enjoyed 'How You Like That' though."

"No, man, you'll love this one. I can guarantee."

...

"Masters!" Wamuu exclaimed, embracing the older Pillar Men. "It's a delight to be able to see you two again!"

"The same could be said for you too, Wamuu," Kars smiled as he returned the hug.

"Have you been faring well while we were gone?"

"Yes, I've been doing well, thank you!"

Santana, while the elders were reuniting, texted Joseph for no other reason than to be entertained.

--

Santviento
Oi, Joe Kid

ClickClackers
I'm not the only one called that you know

Santviento
i'm bored
wanna go get starbucks later

ClickClackers
Can't you ask Wamuu though?
I have to take care of Shizuka Bazooka today

Santviento
Never Say That Again
wamuu, like kars and esidisi, are old people
and you know
i'm normally fine with old people
but they really can't vibe with me

ClickClackers
Oh okay
I'll get Caesar to come with me too
If that's okay with you

Santviento
Thank God
yeah that's fine
anything to get away from the old farts, really

ClickClackers
That's a little harsh, don't you think? (edited)

Santviento
nothing's too harsh when you're around me, Santana!
but enough about that
let's talk about me

ClickClackers
ok

Santviento
so i got a cat
i named her Cinnamon

ClickClackers
Just Cinnamon?

Santviento
yes

ClickClackers
Oh
Now that's funny

--

"Santana, can you help me out with the luggage please?" Wamuu shouted from behind the luggage.

"Wait a sec, lemme finish up my business."

--

Santviento
aight
gotta go
i have to get the luggage

ClickClackers
You at the airport

Santviento
yes

ClickClackers changed their name to Spaghetti Al Nero di Seppia!

Spaghetti Al Nero di Seppia
Alright
See you soon?

Santviento
see you soon

--

Santana quickly tucked his phone into the pocket of his hoodie.

"Alright I'm coming!"

He scurried over to pick up one of the bags (with inhumane ease, but no one ever said Santana was human, right?) from the luggage trolley.

This was going to be a long day.

Notes:

Remember when I said I'd make a Discord server?
That was the last fic

I might actually make one, but for now, I'm just going to write until I die

But anyways, here, there's your food
Will serve more tomorrow I guess

Chapter 5: Commercial Break!

Notes:

read the notes at the end lol

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Are you tired of living with a hand fetishist who apparently took up the appearance and identity of your dad?

Do you cry yourself to sleep at night because you know the consequences of telling others your father's identity?

Well, look no further! SkSkSk ambulance is here for hire! If you need us, we're open 24/7!

To contact us, call 011 600 923. Data rates may apply.

Notes:

Hi, Rose here!

Recently, I've been getting lesser and lesser inspiration to write this fic and, suffice to say, I've been getting other ideas for completely different fics.

I will update this fic, yes, just less often as I have other plan I want to get out of the way.

I'll tell you as soon as the new fic is up, so please go support its release when the time comes!

Yours truly,
Rose.

Chapter 6: Jonathan arranges a family reunion

Summary:

self explanatory title :)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jonathan
Okay I know I'm going to regret this later
But let's have a family reunion
It's August and it's nice and windy, after all

Erina
Ah, that sounds like a great idea!

Doctor Kujo
Uh huh
Where are we holding the family reunion at, though?

Jonathan
Oh...
...I haven't thought of that.

My Hair is Untouchable
we should have it at Tonio's!
he's really nice
and the food there is god-tier
since the new restaurant he's running now is more spacious
i think we can fit in perfectly!

Doctor Kujo
For once, I actually agree with you

peanut butterfly
@kono DIO da
@kono DIO da

kono DIO da
What could you possibly want from me?

peanut butterfly
family reunion
we haven't one in, what, years!

Jonathan
It would mean the world to me if you came, Dio
:)

kono DIO da
... Fine.
Can I bring Pucci with me?

i have a dream
We're not bringing Pucci, dad.
You know how Pucci is
He's going to wreck the whole restaurant with Whitesnake again!

kono DIO da
But Pucci's the only sane person I'm friends with!
And that was one time!

i have a dream
I call bullshit on that
"We certainly had some of those times, but we... didn't go all the way."

Jonathan
I thought your friend was strictly religious, though?
...Dio?

thorsty_dino
can I come with y'all?
y'know, to the family reunion?
I promise I'll behave, just give me some rocks and I'll be good to go!

Jonathan
Of course!
We don't mind!

thorsty_dino
:)
I'll bring my girlfriend with me because I can hehe

what
It's Hot Pants isn't it

peanut butterfly
The old horse has spoken

i have a dream
The old horse has spoken

Gappy
The old horse has spoken

My Hair is Untouchable
The old horse has spoken

thorsty_dino
The old horse has spoken

what
Fuck You All

Jonathan
Uh...
Actually, where did Dio go?
It's so unlike him to just suddenly disappear...

thorsty_dino
he's cradling his head in his hands and he's curled up into a fetal position on the couch
@gucci
@gucci
@gucci
@gucci

gucci
Oh, hello
What do you need

thorsty_dino
can you please come over
dio's not responding
i think giorno broke him

gucci
Oh, I'll be on my way!

Jonathan
Why can't I ever go through a day without something strange happening?

Erina
So, let me tell you a story about society.

Notes:

a little short, but I'm working on it :)
If I have to estimate, my new fic will come out next week! woo!
can't wait :D

Chapter 7: Taking a Break

Chapter Text

hello!

so I've been getting pretty low inspiration to do stuff so...

i'm going to take a break from writing JoJo content and i'll be focusing on making my own story

about the fic i posted, here's the link if you want to check it out! it's just about dio getting a redemption arc and jonathan existing again.

i will still read and comment on JoJo content, but i'm probably going to take an indefinite hiatus from writing stuff :)

as soon as i come back with more JoJo content, y'all are getting 1000 words on one page xD

so anyways, please look forward to the things i have in store for you all

(i'll be orphaning all the works that i think i don't need anymore to free up some space. i'm pretty sentimental so, gooosh this is going to be hard xD)

Chapter 8: Addicted

Summary:

The start of a new group!
Do read hehe~

Notes:

I'm back
📣📣📣

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

thorsty_dino changed their name to Group Camera Man!

Group Camera Man
@everyone
@everyone
@everyone

kono DIO da
Alright what's going on?

Kars
My Hangover Still Exists, Diego

Group Camera Man
i know
anyways, let's make a music video

aceto
ooh I wanna join!
can I be the stylist?

Group Camera Man
i mean,,,
if you want to then sure lol

aceto
noice!

aceto changed their name to Group Stylist!

Doctor Kujo
Wait what's going on?

Group Camera Man
We're gonna be making a music video
:D

Doctor Kujo
Oh.
@i have a dream
@i have a dream
@i have a dream

i have a dream
Buongiorno! :)
Come state tutti voi?

Group Stylist
bene, grazie!
e tu?

i have a dream
Sto bene!

king crimson
Ti odio così tanto, Giorno...

i have a dream
Anch'io ti amo :)

Group Camera Man
Uhh,,,

Group Stylist
oh right!
Giorno, do you wanna be the group's main makeup artist?
you know, since uh...

i have a dream
It's fine, I get your point
Anyways... wait a moment...

i have a dream changed their name to Group Makeup Artist!

Group Stylist
yay!

Group Makeup Artist
:D
Anyways, how many members are we dealing with here?

Group Camera Man
Hmm.
Dio, Diavolo, Funny, Kira, and Kars, I think

Group Makeup Artist
Alright, wait a sec
I'm gonna generate the positions for each member, real quick
What song are you guys gonna use for the MV?

Group Camera Man
How You Like That

Group Makeup Artist
Alright give me a moment

kono DIO da
What did I do to deserve this

Group Makeup Artist is typing...

Love Train
choo choo
I'm coming for the dinosaur, choo choo!

Group Camera Man
OH FUCK YOU

Kars
Please Stop
My Head Hurts
I'm trying To Sleep The Pain Off Right Now

gucci
Oh my goodness

kono DIO da
Pucci!
Please, save me!

gucci
What's going on?
Are you hurt?!

kono DIO da
They're forcing me to film a music video with them
Don't let them have their way, lest they try to force me out my house!

Group Camera Man
oh yeah i forgot to mention
pucci will also be participating too

gucci
Do I get a say in this?

Group Camera Man
Have You Ever Wanted To Disobey The Catholic Laws?

Group Makeup Artist
Group name: Addicted
Group members: DIO, Pucci, Kars, Kira, Valentine, and Diavolo
Positions:
Kira - Lead Vocalist
Valentine - Main Vocalist
Kars - Visual, Lead Dancer
DIO - Lead Dancer, Main Rapper, Centre
Pucci - Main Dancer, Rapper
Diavolo - Sub Vocal, Maknae
*Maknae = The youngest in the group

kono DIO da changed their name to DIO!

Group Makeup Artist
In my humble opinion...
I think Doctor Kujo should be the group's manager
😊

DIO
Giorno...
Why would you do this to us?
...Giorno?

Doctor Kujo
I'd love to take up that position! 😊

Doctor Kujo changed their name to Group Manager!

Jonathan
Hey, guys!
So I finally found a restaurant where we can reunite as a family at!
... What just happened?

Erina
Looks fun
Can I plan for the shooting sites?

Group Camera Man
Of course!
Also...

Group Camera Man added Buff Nun to the chat!

Group Camera Man
this is my girlfriend :D
her name is hot pants!

Buff Nun
Yo what's up

Group Manager
Hey Dio

DIO
I hate you so much

Group Manager
Love you too
Let's go shopping tomorrow so we can get you decent clothes lol

Group Makeup Artist
I'm going to come too

DIO
No.

gucci
I'll go!
I also need some new sweatpants and sweaters haha

DIO
...Fine, I'll go.

Kars
Is It Alright If I Go With You Guys Too?
Santana Won't Stop Complaining Because I Walk Around 'Half-Naked'

Group Manager
Sure lol
Hey, Mister Joesturr
You coming too?

Jonathan
Hmm, I don't see why not!

Group Manager
Alright, see y'all tomorrow

Notes:

I know I said I'll be back with 1000-word content, and I'm currently working on that!
So have this hehe
Just couldn't resist making a JoFoe K-Pop group lol

Chapter 9: How many advertisement offers has Kars received?

Summary:

Self-explanatory title!

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

[recording]

Kars sat down at the table, him facing the camera.

A piece of folded paper was pushed towards the pillar man by a gloved hand. (It belongs to... Diego? Must be because he's supposed to be Addicted's camera man.)

And so he took it.

He presented the camera with a small smile. "So, we have a question in this letter, which I'm going to be answering today."

With careful hands, Kars delicately opened the letter, expecting a simple question that he could quickly answer.

His hangover had already cleared exactly 3 hours before the shoot, but the pain still lingered.

The first - and only - question read: "How many advertisement offers have you received?"

He glared at the camera before the uncomfortable glare was quickly replaced by a tense smile.

"Hmm, you sure are one curious mortal."

He put down the letter gently.

"I've gotten... 5 offers, while that damned vampire got 9," Kars simply answered, accentuating the 'vampire' part of the sentence with dripping venom.

It was obvious that he hated Dio and wanted him gone for good.

He put his hands together, his tense smile still present. "Anyways, thank you for your question. I must take my leave now. Goodbye!"

Kars then promptly left.

Diego looked into the camera and shivered.

"Gee, Kars is one scary hell of a man alright."

[cut]

Notes:

Hello!
I've been losing a lot of inspiration lately and because I felt bad about leaving the fic out without completing it, so this will be the last chapter until further notice. Thanks for tuning in; I really appreciate your support for the JoFoe series!
❤️

Chapter 10: Are you upset?

Summary:

Just Pop Team Epic but it's Johnny and Diego.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Diego approached Johnny menacingly, his tail swishing around threateningly, as Johnny looked through the newspaper in an attempt to find something even vaguely interesting.

"Johnny..."

"What do you want, lizard breath?" It was obvious Johnny was still pretty tired, even after getting 8 full hours of sleep.

Diego hit him once.

"Are you upset yet?"

"I am not upset."

Diego hit him again.

"Are you upset now?"

"I am not upset."

Johnny raised one of his fingertips and pointed it towards Diego's kneecaps as the latter came in for one more punch.

Baam! Baam!

"SHIIIIIT!" Diego yelled, falling down while clutching his bloodied kneecaps. "What was that for?!"

Johnny looked at him and smiled, the Steel Ball in his hand spinning in a perfect rotation. Tusk: Act 4 appeared by his side, its eyes murderous and cold. "Like I said, DIO... I am not upset."

[To be continued]

Notes:

I'M BACK, BABY!

During my little break, I decided to change my username, so hello guys, gals, anons and pals! This is my new username for the time being!
Anyways, thanks for tuning in, I'm gonna go cry now :)

Series this work belongs to: