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Language:
English
Series:
Part 3 of Quiet Life? Don't Know Them!
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Published:
2020-07-20
Updated:
2020-08-25
Words:
4,687
Chapters:
10/?
Comments:
10
Kudos:
60
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7
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1,513

Città di Maria

Summary:

(RATED TEEN FOR USE OF PROFANITY!)

Welcome to the Town of Maria, a revamped town sponsored by Passione! With running water, working electricity, and a continuous supply of food brought in through the convenience store, nothing can go wrong... or can it?

What happens when the JoJos, JoBros, and JoFoes move in the town?

Find out now!
(Inconsistent updates, so subscribing to this fic is completely optional)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Diego dialled Giorno's number and pressed the call button.

"...*Buongiorno, chi è questo?"

"Giorno, it's me," Diego mumbled, holding the I-Pad close to his ear. It looked ridiculous, but we're not here to judge, are we?

"Ah." Giorno cleared his throat. "Hello, what do you need? I'm quite busy right now."

He looked around. "I'm here, in the town. Can you tell me a little about the place so I'm familiar with it?"

"Of course!" Giorno replied with an enthusiastic tone. "So, there are the houses. Going off on the assumption that you know where you'll live at-"

"I do know, don't worry about it." Diego interrupted.

"-There are the markets, the convenience stores, the park located at the centre of the town... hmm, what else? Oh right, some more things a town obviously needs that I forgot about. I do suggest the Akai Bara Convenience Store, as the things in it are god-tier."

"Alright, thanks for, uh, making time to talk to me. I really appreciate it."

"No problem!" Diego swore he could hear a smile in Giorno's voice. "Anyways, I have to go now. See you soon?"

"See you soon."

And, just like that, the call ended.

--

"Maria, Maria! Maria Radio~ Good noon! I hope you all have been enjoying your lunches! I'm Irene, your host for today's episode! Today's radio episode is sponsored by *SkSkSk.co, a company well known for displaying dark humour in their advertisements."

--

  1. The Joestar Family:
    - The youngsters swear too much
    - The elders are stressed 24/7
    - "What are stands?" asked young Joseph and Jonathan
    - Giorno is basically the only thing keeping them in contact with the Brandos

  2. The Brando Family:
    - Angry 24/365 at their neighbours
    - Heaven Ascended DIO is actually more annoying than Jotaro. Who would've thought?
    - Tolerates the Joestars (unless it's Jotaro or Jolyne)
    - "What are stands?" the youngest Dio asked
    - Diego is thirsty with no context

  3. The Bucciarati Famiglia:
    - Strip poker? YES!
    - Is Narancia a boy or a girl?
    - Tired mom Bruno and menacing dad Abbacchio
    - The fear of *quatro is in the air
  4. The Pillar Men (feat. is it a dog or a person?):
    - Santana is a family pet? WHAT THE FU-
    - Weekly milk baths with Kars and Esidisi and Wamuu
    - P o s e
    - "Awaken, my masters! Breakfast is ready!"

  5. The Aceto's:
    - Not much to say here, other than yes, they love risotto
    - Diavolo was given the surname "Aceto" after they 'married'
    - Torururururu!

  6. La Squadra di Ezecuzioni:
    - Is that a food reference?
    - "WHY WON'T YOU USE VENEZIA?!! IT'S THE CORRECT TERM, DAMN IT!"
    - You can smell Melone's horny from a mile away
    - Cursed as hell
    - "Ungratefully Alive. Please kill me."

  7. The Valentines:
    - All about napkins
    - Gay rights are human rights! Woo!
    - "Honey, would you be a doll and take the second napkin?" "Anything for you, honey."

  8. The Kira's:
    - Mother and son
    - "What a beautiful duwang town." (chew)
    - Yoshikage is a mother's boy. I rest my case.
    - "My name is Yoshikage Kira. I am 33 years old. I am single, and work for Gucci."

--

Welcome, my friends, to the town of Maria.

Notes:

Additional information:

*Buongiorno, chi è questo? = Good morning, who's this?
*SkSkSk.co = a fake company I made for the sake of showing off my dark humour and strangely antique products

*quatro = four