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Story #1 Izzy's Self Defense

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"Ok so Ray was busy one day. She calls me while I'm at the house chilling on the couch watching Friday the 13th for the 13th million times. She tells me "Hey I can't make it to Isabelle's self defense class at 5." I tell her "ok, Why can't you leave her there? She's 15 & it is a SELF defense class." Then she gets in that tone where you have to do it or else. Last time I pissed Ray I got that angry glare at the table and a dinner plate of spaghetti & hot sauce.

"The teacher says she has to have parental supervision because of a serious injury in last week's class." She told me. That's when I jumped up like Mario. "She got injured?! Who the bastard did it?!" Now I had to go just so I could see who hurt her. I mean she didn't look like she got hurt last week, but maybe I'm an idiot & wasn't paying attention. After I got off the phone I ran into the city trying to find it. How the hell was I supposed to know the place cause Ray was the one that always went to the kid's events.

When I get in there after finally finding the right place. It was only 4:58 but Isabelle was already there along with 3 other people. What I find weird is she is the only girl there out of 3 other boys & why ain't any of the other parents there?! Like why tell me to fucking show up & not have any other adult there to be forced to sit through this?! Do the other parents just think "Ok see ya at 6 brat! Mommy & daddy gonna go party while you get the shit knocked outta ya from other brats!"
*Long pause*
"But have fun!"
*Audience laugh*

So class starts and this big buff guy with a blonde man bun steps in and immediately the kids line up side by side on the wall. He yelled "Good evening students!" like he was giving a drill. They all yell back "Evening Andrew Sensei!" and bow. Me, I'm just sitting in the corner thinking when do we get to the part where the kids start kicking each other's ass? If i'm gonna be forced to sit here no "Yes Sensei" BS let's just start the offense part of this defense class. Actually why the fuck is it called self defense if its telling you how to fight? *Audience Laugh*
Why not call it "Offense for Dummies?" *Audience Laugh* This is basic shit I learned when I was a kid!

So the sensei is going over something called "scenario training" . There's like a thin wooden table and two people have to stand on each side. The sensei points to Izzy & some random boy standing next to her and says "You two are a pair, pick a side." that kid groaning "I'm not fighting a girl! She'll just cry for her mummy sitting in the corner!" *Long pause with audience laughing* This brat is gonna be mummified 6 feet under if he keeps up. Izzy then says the most funniest fucking comeback ever. "Need a pad? Cause you're crying more than I bleed on my period." *The Audience laugh*

You know how hard it is not to giggle at your own kid telling another that they're basically a pussy? Very fucking hard because everyone besides mr manbun was busting a gut. So then some other guy raised his hand saying "I'll be your partner! At least I can say I got hit on by a cutie." This boy is asking to meet me in the back alley. I'm not afraid to go back for stabbing a kid who is flirting with my daughter! I'm at my boiling point to where I just wanna fucking grab a kid by the throat if they make one more comment about Izzy. Usually Ray is the one with a calm approach but not today! Papa bear gonna claw some asses & not take names cause I can't remember names worth shit.
*Audience Laugh*

However I shouldn't worry about that shit anymore because as soon as the Sensei blows the whistle Izzy grabs this kid's head and slams it into the table. She then twists the guy's arm behind his back and starts yelling "Give up before I break your arm!" the brat is tapping out with his free arm but Izzy won't let go. That's when I finally got up from my seat and did what any other dad would do.

I go up and say "Good Job Izzy! Now rub salt in his broken manhood!" *Audience Laugh*
She responds telling him "You heard him! Call yourself a wimp!" The kid does what she asks and all the other kids jump in laughing at his misery.

After that Ray is never letting me supervise ANY of the kids' activities & Izzy, she's banned from class for 2 weeks. But it WAS SO WORTH IT!
*Audience Laughs & Claps*