Miss RA Oul,
It all began with a Midwinter kiss. A friend of mine smooched me out of the blue one year, and ever since then all my other friends have made moves during the holiday. What is it with this holiday that brings out such nonsense? It doesn’t even seem to matter where I am – they find me in the middle of nowhere in order to get their holiday snog.
Can a lady knight not have one Midwinter to herself?
- Keeping Busy on the Border
Keeping Busy on the Border,
I have spoken to your commanding officer, and apparently more men have signed up to protect the border over Midwinter after they found out where you were positioned. It is proving to be an excellent recruitment technique.
Keep up the good work.
Miss R A Oul.
Miss R.A. Oul -
I joined an elite military corps as a standard-bearer because I wanted to get the attention of someone I respect. He still doesn’t notice me! He’s friendly enough on the job, but in the evenings he holes up in his tent answering correspondence, when he’s not focusing on that bratty upstart squire of his. What can I do to get the promotion and accolades I desire?
- Can’t Bear Much More
Dear Can't Bear Much More,
I say you look to get his attention by sharing his interests. Perhaps you could try writing to him, since he apparently keeps up with his correspondence.
Love, Miss R. A. Oul.
P.S. I would never condone underhand tactics, but you could also consider discrediting this squire of his.
Miss R. A. Oul:
I’ve been offered a job by a warlord, and the assignment worries me a bit. I’m to play body-guard to the lowest form of a man I’ve ever seen. The money is good, though. Moral objections have never weighed heavily on me, but I feel like they might be asking a bit too much of me this time. I don’t want to lose my head, taking on something as important as this. Is there a way to refuse a political leader, or should I just go with the flow and embrace the hard cash?
A Good Head Above it All
Dear A Good Head Above it All,
I know what it is like to work for a leader who makes you do things you otherwise would rather not. I have tried objecting on moral grounds, even feigning injuries or attempting to camouflage myself, but I find that there is often no way to refuse him - and there I am, stuck learning the steps to the latest dance. If you have better luck than me, please write in and let me know!
-- Miss R.A. Oul
Miss R. A. Oul,
Ever since I was really little, I’ve known things. Things that I shouldn’t. And sometimes I open my mouth and elemental magic speaks through me. This is more than a little disconcerting, to me as well as the people around me. I don’t really have a way of controlling the things I know – I just get a feeling, and before I know it, I’m blurting out information that I shouldn’t know about. Just last week I told the lady knight that she would have an affair with one of her mentors, and I wish I hadn’t said anything.
What would you suggest?
I'll thank you to keep your nose out of my business. I don't appreciate my curtains being twitched, and neither does the lady knight.
- Miss R A Oul.
Dear Miss RA Oul,
I find myself an artist among heathens, dining each night with fellows who have no appreciation for the art and beauty. They frown upon my poetry, they snicker when I delight in the gentler and more sophisticated aspects of life.
What is a person to do when their pursuits are actively ridiculed?
- the beleaguered bard
Dear Beleaguered Bard,
For a moment, I suspected my past self had written to my wayward friend (a misguided notion, to tell the truth, but fortunately I have intercepted this request and have the opportunity to impart my own well-won wisdom). I know well the scorn these jealous thugs can throw upon a debonair individual. Once, I wrote the most exquisite ode to a fair angel's hand covering that this world has ever seen. The brutes I was then (and now) unfortunate enough to be acquainted with used it to get me accused of a crime and banished from the sight of my own eye's delight. (The fact that she later turned out to be embroiled in a treasonous plot is neither here nor there - perhaps my love might have been enough to sway her... of course, since I am now most happily married, the lady would have wasted away from unrequited love)
Persevere, echo of my younger self, rose amongst terrible thorns! Shine like a daffodil amongst weeds. Apply yourself to the delicate arts. Comfort yourself that these soulless fools themselves look ridiculous waving about their sticks on horseback, and enjoy the moments they get dumped on those body parts from which they appear to do most of their talking.
Also Not Appreciated in My Own Time.
Dear Beleaguered Bard and No Fool Like an Old Fool,
Can't a fellow go to war without having his correspondence answered in his absence? Beleaguered Bard - listen to your friends. Your odes to nose-hair deserve to be thrown in the Olorun River. Try not to burn them. Mithros might mistakenly think they are an offering, and smite you where you stand.
On second thoughts, give it a try.
As for my very foolish friend, we both know I did the world a favour - and that you stole that glove!
- Miss R A Oul.
Dear Miss R. A. Oul,
Everyone seems to be enormously interested in my love-life, and it’s driving me crazy! I’m too busy for any kind of match-making, and I’ve made it perfectly clear. How can I get all those weird and wonderful pairings out of people’s heads?
Still Busy on the Border
Dear Still Busy (with whom??) on the Border,
If you want to stave those gossiping tongues, I suggest getting hitched. It'll be a magical, memorable day, and afterwards, those meddlesome fiends won't dream of attaching you to the nearest passer-by. Worked wonders for my wife and her girlfriend.
I'll expect my invite by Midwinter. Please provide adequate drapery.
Miss R A Oul
Miss R. A. Oul:
You and the Third Company are needed in Corus. I’m tired of waiting.
- Your King
Don't you have more important things to do than wasting Palace supplies (and time) in this manner?