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A Bittersweet Goodbye

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“Sorry I didn’t make an appointment.” 

Dr. Chance looked up from the stack of files he’d been organizing and his breath caught in his throat. He blinked rapidly, fighting down a momentary thought that he might be hallucinating. The vision did not waver as she stepped closer, one corner of her mouth tilting upward.  

He cleared his throat. “I thought you were gone for good.”

She tilted her head, a sad smile flitting over her features. “I am.” 

Chance stood up from his chair. “Are you… am I talking to Jackie or Jaclyn?”

Rounding the edge of his desk, she looked up from under her lashes at him. “Does it matter?”

“It might,” he hedged. 

She offered a sly smile, stepping into his space with purpose. “But do you care?”

Most likely Jackie, then. Jacyln was rarely so brazen with him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that just yet - though certain parts of his anatomy were already beginning to express a favorable opinion. 

Chance’s tongue darted out to wet suddenly dry lips. “This. This is a terrible idea. There’s that detective still watching me. He might have seen you come in.”

Jackie (or Jacyln?)’s eyes went wide in a mockery of innocence. She slid a finger between the buttons on the middle of his shirt. “Case is closed, Eldon.”

“So is my office, in case you hadn’t noticed.” He tilted his head toward the door, where a sign announcing the closure of his practice was posted on the outside. In his head, he was telling her to leave. He needed her to leave. Because he knew he still wasn’t strong enough to step away. 

She popped the button she’d been toying with, then a second button, sliding her hand into the space they’d made. “So, we’ll have a little privacy. Good.” She scratched gently with her nails before withdrawing to keep unbuttoning. Her eyes never once left his as she silently undressed him. 

Chance’s mouth fell open, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. Oh, this was bad. He knew everything now, the whole truth about her. And he’d learned far too much about himself in the process. Jackie was kryptonite. She was an insidious kind of poison. A drug he had craved from the very first time he saw her. He was nearly shaking from the need to touch her once more, to taste her full, ripe mouth, to feel himself move inside of her. 

She leaned in, lifting on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. “This is what I thought about the very first time I was here.”

He shivered, unable to stop his hands from reaching for her, grasping her hips like an anchor to reality. 

Nipping at his earlobe, she continued, “I knew I needed to focus on getting well, on being whole but… all I could think about was you. Taking me on this desk. Hard.”

Chance swore as the last of his meager resolve cracked and split wide. He crushed her to him, lips finding wild purchase on any part of her he could reach - hair, neck, shoulder. With a hand at the base of her skull, sinking into her hair, he pulled her head back so he could kiss her lips. She kissed back with a joyful sound, opening instantly to seek his tongue with hers. Flinging both arms around his neck, she arched against him. 

The hand not tangled in her hair roamed her backside, squeezing and caressing. He felt her leg raise up to wrap around him and he was reminded of the first time they’d kissed. She’d been Jackie then, too.

Chance pulled back, his breathing gone ragged, his cock pressing tight against the zip of his slacks. “Jackie?” 

Her lips thinned as she shot him a petulant look. “Why does it matter?” 

He searched her face for additional clues but none appeared. It was stupid, wanting her to be just the one part of herself for his own selfish needs. Not that he didn’t want Jackie, too. He did. Oh, he very much did. But it was Jacyln he dreamt of late at night as he sat nursing his final glass of wine. It was Jacyln he thought of, walking through the park on a sunny afternoon. It was her he mourned losing most, though he’d never realized it until now.  

“Please, if she’s in there… I just want to see her again.” He hated the tone his voice had taken, so raw, so pathetically needy. 

Her face softened. “I’m here, baby. It’s ok. It’s me. I just. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t the only one you missed.” 

Chance drew a long, shaky breath, tracing her beloved face with the tips of his fingers. “It’s you?” 

Jacyln nodded, giving him a long, lingering kiss. 

Maybe it was really her. Maybe he just wanted to believe. In the end, the result was the same. 

Chance maneuvered them both swiftly until Jacyln was backed against his desk. Fully aware of the romantic cliche, he swept the files off to the side and lifted her onto the surface. “Is this what you pictured?” 

She giggled, the sound soft and girlish, as she hiked her skirt and parted her thighs, pulling him between them. “Mmhm. Only there was a little less clothing in the way.” 

“Easily remedied.” He unzipped her dress, helping her work the fitted material over her breasts and shoulders before flinging the unneeded garment to some far corner of the room. She’d worn nothing underneath it and he went slack-jawed at the sight. Seemingly amused by his expression, she lifted his hands to cup her breasts. He took the hint with alacrity, capturing her mouth once more. 

Her hands immediately landed at his belt, taking extra care to caress the bulge below it as she unbuckled. Once rid of his pants and boxers, she took him in hand, stroking firmly from root to tip. His hips bucked into the motion and he groaned into her mouth. She made a delighted noise and sucked on his tonge. 

Chance slid a hand down her body, cupping her sex and finding her dripping. He tilted his head back to swear again, granting Jaclyn access to his neck in the process. She took the opportunity to kiss and nibble the sensitive skin there, her hand still working him at a leisurely pace. With one finger, he traced the length of her slit, eliciting a throaty little moan. She angled her hips, her legs wrapping around his thighs again. 

Circling her clit with her own slickness on his fingertips, he felt his cock throb in sympathy. He was aching now, leaking at the tip as Jaclyn teased him. He began to sink a finger inside her wet heat but Jacyln batted his hand away. 

“Now, Eldon. I’m ready now.” 

Chance bit his own lips to keep from coming apart at the command in her voice.

“Yes,” he whispered, letting her align him with her entrance. He pushed in slowly, feeling her flutter around him. Jacyln’s eyes closed as he did so and she breathed out a soft, hungry sound. She moved one hand behind her for support as he slid home. 

His eyes darted frantically between her face and the place they were joined, not sure which he wanted to savor more. He withdrew an inch at a time before sheathing himself once more. She felt perfect beneath him, like a living fucking dream. He hated himself a little bit for how much he’d wanted this moment. He hadn’t slept with her again before she left town. Just let her go off into the night, his mind still ablaze with everything he’d learned  

Her return should have been expected, should have felt inevitable. Instead it felt like this: dangerous, white-hot, and fleeting. She was a goddamn lightening storm made flesh.

“Eldon. Stop overthinking and fuck me.” Her voice broke through the haze of contemplation.

He almost laughed with relief at the excuse to get out of his head and into his body. “Yes.” 

Leaning down, bracing his own hand against the desk, he slammed his hips into hers. She gasped and then tightened her thighs around him. 

“Yes,” she hissed back, running her free hand up his spine beneath the unbuttoned shirt. 

Pulling back only a fraction, he thrust into her again. And again. Again and again, setting a driving rhythm that she met eagerly, grinding herself against him.

“Is this what you wanted?” He growled into her neck, mouthing her pulse point. 

In reply, she dragged her nails deeply across his back, half finished words now falling from her lips in breathy bursts. 

With his free hand, he hitched her thigh higher, laying her back against the desk and sealing his mouth over hers. Both of her hands now free, she clutched at him, her body shuddering under his, milking him from within. As her peak overtook her, he felt his own fast approaching.  

His mind went blissfully blank as his body took over, burying himself deep over and over until he went tense. Orgasm washed through him; peace in the eye of the storm, a moment of singular stillness. 

Reality rushed back quickly and he was a sweat-soaked mess in a boxed up office, removing himself from the prone body of his former patient and lover. 

They redressed in silence, Jacyln shooting him tentative, almost shy, glances from across the room as she retrieved her sole item of clothing. 

Once they were both mostly presentable, if a bit flushed and tousled, Chance met her at the door.

“And now?” He found his voice at last. 

Jacyln looked down, shrugging one shoulder. “Now I disappear again.”

Though it was the response he’d expected, his stomach still sank into his knees.

“For how long, this time?” He hadn’t meant to sound so bitter. It made Jacyln flinch away from him, her expression contrite. He took a long, calming breath. “Will I see you again?” 

Her face clouded. “I… I don’t think so.” Her eyes flicked to the window. “There’s a detective watching you.” A rueful smile as she parroted back his earlier caution. 

Chance pursed his lips. “Didn’t stop you this time.” 

“I didn’t know.” 

“Yet you stayed.” 

A huff of amusement. “In for a penny…” That sweet, sad smile suffused her features again and Chance felt a futile stab of regret. 

“I could let you know when it’s safe.” One last ditch effort. It may never be safe again. God knew Chance couldn’t conceive of a world that felt ‘safe’ these days. No more professional distance keeping him in a protective stasis. Not anymore. 

As though she’d read his mind, Jacyln simply shook her head. She kissed him once, softly, and turned toward the door. Halfway through it, she paused and met his eyes. Hers were damp and she made no attempt to hide it. “Don’t.” She blew out a long, deep breath. “Don’t wait for me, Eldon. Okay?” 

He felt a pressure behind his own eyes, a jolt in his pulse. He pictured a world in which he pulled her back from his door and insisted she stay. A world in which there wasn’t the weight of too many dark secrets pressing in from every side. Something simple and uncomplicated. Picnics and dinner dates, movie nights and family game nights that Nicky would mock but still secretly enjoy. 

“Promise?” Jacyln insisted, her voice just at the verge of cracking. 

Chance sighed. It didn’t take a doctor to diagnose a delusion. 

“I promise,” he relented. 

One more lingering look and she was gone. Maybe this time for good. 

Chance stood still a moment longer, gathering his thoughts. And then he went back to packing up his office.