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Witness Protection And Social Media

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Avengers News@AvengersWatch
So... @JusticeLeagueWatch, you doin' alright buddy?

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
Gee, everyone in the world got a list of all the names they use floating above their head for an hour, and almost all heroes in the entire world had their identities revealed to the world... Whaddyathink? 1/?

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
On one hand, I can't believe we actually know, on the other, my speculations are entirely wrong, on the other, they must be so scared and unsure what to do now, on the other, they aren't like the Avengers, the League doesn't have the popularity vote 2/?

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
The Avengers got away with having their identities known because the public liked them so much, the League got the worse side of the deal. But on the other hand, they might be relieved they don't have to hide anymore, but on the other hand, now villains can target loved ones! 3/?

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
But on the other hand, we can finally give them the recognition they deserve, but on the other hand, it can still be traumitizing for them! This is such a sudden change for them! What about the apprentices, they are only kids, some were in school when it happened! 4/4

Spider-Man News(RIP)@SpideyWatch
How many hands do you have, jfc... there might not have been a picture of someone with Spidey's name above them posted online yet, but based on what you said, I think we found him anyway

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
stfu, I'm stressed and panicking.

Avengers News@AvengersWatch
Yeah, everyone's gotta admit that we might all be accounts dedicated to reporting what the people did, but what happened to them was not cool

Spider-Man News(RIP)@SpideyWatch
I might have speculated about Spidey's identity, RIP, but stopped once he asked me to for his family's safety. All of their families are in danger now.

X-(Wo)Men News@XMenWatch
i know i'm late to the party here, but like, with most of the x-men, they have to deal with racism anyway. now they can't even walk around on field trips without being known as the people other classes should make fun of

X-(Wo)Men News@XMenWatch
they were first and foremost a school to help children, not a hitforce to defend against aliens

Heroic News@HeroWatch
I know we're all having our own mini-crisis, okay? I know y'all are mostly interested in me for my Fantastic Four news, or my Defenders news, but... Can we all take a moment of silence for the final member of our Stalker's Club? @BatfamWatch, may you rest in peace bud.

Gotham'sPrince/DarkKnight ftw@BatfamWatch
I... I guess I should change my user now, huh?

Spider-Man News(RIP)@SpideyWatch
I know I haven't been on as much lately, but holy shit I forgot that was your name! XD

Gotham'sPrince/DarkKnight ftw@BatfamWatch
How do you think I feel?!!??!? This reveal was not good on my end, lemme tell you that. Fifty of my fanfics just got up, pointed at me, and laughed. 😑

X-(Wo)Men News@XMenWatch
why?

Avengers News@AvengersWatch
For an amature news channel, you're really behind on the times. Gotham's Prince is Bruce Wayne. The Dark Knight is Batman.

X-(Wo)Men News@XMenWatch
oh! yeah, rip batfam, sorry you had to go through that buddy


MyShipSunk@BatfamWatch
For all those new to the channel due to The Reveal™️, here are some polls and essays I've made in the past

MyShipSunk@BatfamWatch
1. Why Bruce Wayne is in love with Batman
2. Why Batman needs Bruce Wayne
3. Do you think Batman and Bruce Wayne are secretly together?
4. Who's butt is better, Nightwing's, or Officer Grayson's?

MyShipSunk@BatfamWatch
But one of my polls ended up being true after all, my very first one.
Do the butts match?
I was mocking a fucking shitpost, jumping on the bandwagon while the meme was still popular, and you tell me THAT'S what's real?!? 😑
fuck Gotham, I'm finally moving to metropolis

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
We just found out our editor for the writer known for Superman stories is actually superman, we're not doing much better. Do you know how many times someone's asked him to interview Superman?? His subtle digs at Lex Luthor in his stories make so much more sense now. 🤯

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
I just remembered the ongoing office joke about how Clark Kent disappears when a villain attack happens because he knows Superman is going to show up soon, and he can't stand that guy... 😳 🤯


Ryan, Shane, and some other dudes@BuzzfeedUNSOLVED✔️
Hey, remember when we did that huge special on all the heroes, and decided Bruce Wayne was Superman and Clark Kent was Batman? 😳 Everything is fine here. 🙃


DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
Okay, so Superman said he was born on another planet, and his alien physique is how he got his powers, and his birth name was Kon-El... So shout out to everyone who believed he was telling the whole truth and never focused on how he knew so much about Earth's customs!

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
We're reporters, for goodness' sake.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Can't figure out your secret identity if they don't think you have one ;)

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
The boss is one step away from firing you out of pure frustration they never figured it out, shut up man.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
*shut up SUPERman. ;)

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
I can't believe the world never knew what a little shit you were before now.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Do you know how many times I've taken my glasses off to clean them, and one of y'all looked me dead in the eye and said I looked JUST like superman? You started this war yourself. I just played along.

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
... I am having flashbacks to every single time I heard anyone say that to you, and... yeah, we should all be fired for missing it.


DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
To all of you asking how I'm so confident sassing someone who can disintigrate me with a glare? Here's a list of the things office workers have seen "Humanity's Saviour" do.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Okay, I had to keep up the appearance! No-one would think of a clumsy bumbling country boy as Superman!

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
Uh-huh... So the time Lois walked in wearing a Superman shirt, and you walked into a doorframe and spilt coffee over three workers and their computers?

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
I was recovering from Kryptonite poisoning??

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
You're the clumsiest person on the planet. The fact you don't catch yourself saved your identity, but I refuse to believe you planned to spill coffee all over yourself and split your jeans when trying to catch the cup. You went all day in Kallie's spare miniskirt and a face redder than your logo.


DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
For those curious, he hasn't responded, and no, we aren't selling the pics, but we did get them.


clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Okay, maybe I'm somewhat clumsy. And for those curious, never before have I wanted a worldwide alien attack to happen so badly. The skirt was a soft baby pink. Apparently it was designer.


DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
Okay, so there's apparently fanart of him in the skirt, and while perusing this art, I decided I needed to bleach my eyes and brain. Unable to do that, however, I've just decided to give you all the picture, so you will STOP. Please.
[IMAGE ATTACHED]

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Wait, I have fanart?? As Clark? Already!?

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
Clark, I beg of you, do not search it up!

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
... Ever wish you didn't have superspeed and didn't have time to already browse the internet before a colleague's tweet came through?

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
I'm so sorry.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
Three things.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
1. Humanity as a whole is a failure.

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
2. I ripped my pants, I DIDN'T RIP MY UNDERWEAR!

clark kent editor first journalist second lover of@clarkkent1977
3. Why did so many of you give me a tentacle?


Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
On my eigth hand, it was thanks to the reveal that I learnt Superman is clumsy and has worn a baby pink designer miniskirt, so it's not all that bad.

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
Also, RIP Superman, who has discovered the joys of the internet.

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
To all who asked: No, I did not look at the Suporn. I'm smart enough not to google fanart of famous males in skirts.


Big Boy Blue@TheREALSuperman✔️
Okay, thanks to unnamed sources, I now know what a fetish is.

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
He sounds so defeated.

Big Boy Blue@TheREALSuperman✔️
I just don't think people should have a fetish men in skirts. It just seems transphobic to me... :/

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
Don't worry, you only looked cute in the skirt, not sexy. No need to be embarrassed

Big Boy Blue@TheREALSuperman✔️
... I just realized that I was in fact embarrassed over wearing a skirt all day at work, but I wasn't worried about having people fetishise over me wearing it. I was embarrased because it was a skirt.

Big Boy Blue@TheREALSuperman✔️
And who cares that it's traditional "girl clothes"! It was comfy! Let men wear skirts without it being weird! #letmenwearskirts!

DailyPlanetPaperPRDepartment@TheDailyPlanet✔️
The tag you're looking for is #endtoxicmasculinity

Big Boy Blue@TheREALSuperman✔️
#endtoxicmasculinity


Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
Everyone's talking about Superman's recent tweets, with #letmenwearskirts and #endtoxicmasculinity, but is no-one going to talk about the transphobic thing? Do I spot an ally??????

Justice League News@JusticeLeagueWatch
And y'all wonder why I stan