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when the night falls

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One day I heard you laugh
Like meander bells
And my heart burst into all hues of the sky
At the way, your laughter danced lightly

Aguero wonders if he has ever told him.

About the way, his day would get just a little brighter whenever he saw the other. So, used to the melancholy of time seamlessly knitting itself together and blurring the lines, always leaving him to chase something, anything , just to forget. He’d endlessly run around, trying to get closer to his goals but he knows— he knows —that he’s only distancing himself more from them with every self-assured step he takes.

About the warmth that would fill him whenever the other gifted him with one of his smiles - the edges of his lips lifted up and the little blush on his cheeks as his eyes shine in the light. He could never get enough of that smile, always greedily wishing for one more (and another right after). And so, he’d spend time trying to do anything he could to make that smile appear, to see the other shine in happiness and ardor. He pats the other’s shoulder and speaks reassurances, he crafts strategies every night until dawn greets him. He holds onto frail trails of hope and keeps going, keeps following because he doesn’t want to lose the person who has become the center of his world.

And I love you gently, so gently
Like the thoughtful moon, I wish to shine for you
So you can take a break and rest, my lovely sun
May the world light you a bed of lucent stars

Does he know about the way his heart beats for him? Quickly, strongly, loudly—it demands to be heard, to be felt. It wants to let the whole world know, but Aguero disagrees. Let them ponder. Let them be lost. The man who smiles at him with dawn in his eyes and dusk in his words, that very person is his anchor and he doesn’t know how to let go, doesn’t even want to know. Letting go would be too painful. It’d haunt him at the edge of his mind until the day his body would decay, so he’ll keep holding onto him and he’ll keep chasing and chasing and chasing.

Aguero sees his sadness and it’s a weight he shouldn’t have to bear, the painful tears and cracks in his mind, that take and take until there’s nothing but a puppet, left to hang on strings. He sees how the world turns to him and judges and whispers and gossips and blames and hates. He sees how the color of the sky reflected in the other’s honeyed eyes shifts and he refuses to pray to deities he doesn’t believe in. Instead, he reaches out with his own hands and holds onto him tightly and he takes everything malicious, impure he owns and thinks and builds to ensure the other will not break. 

And as the whole world falls down
Into tiny fragments of stardust 
I will embrace you with all of me
So that you’ll never have to fear the nightfall

“Bam,” he calls out, his voice firm but gentle. “Do not stray too far.” 

His lips fall into a tender smile and his eyes soften at the sight of the other. His whole world turns and turns like it always does in the presence of him, a soft echo of something undeniable fills his consciousness.  He stretches his hand out but stops before he can touch the other.

It’s love.

It’s gentle.

It’s frightening. 

He worries too much, people tell him that all the time. Yet when he stares at the other’s back he justifies it with the understanding that one day he might get left behind.

And yet.

When the other turns to stare at him, golden eyes lit alight, his worries are covered by the night sky.

“Khun!”

He loves and loves and loses.

So that you’ll never have to fear the nightfall
And I can’t be your star and shine bright
But I can be your warmth
I can be your moon

And sing you to sleep