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Family Guy Fanfiction Cutaway Gags

Chapter Text

Peter and Brian sat in the living room, watching TV. Well, Peter was watching TV, while Brian had overdosed on cocaine. Chris had walked into the room to see who took his cocaine.

“Hey guys, do you kn-”

“Breaking News!” Tom Tucker from channel 5 news announced, suddenly. 

Peter and Chris eagerly watched on to get their fix of whatever crazy stuff the news had for them.

“A Local Internet Critic has been hospitalized after two park workers ran him over in their golf cart.” Tom explained.

“That’s right Tom, Doug Walker, or better known as ‘Nostalgia Critic’, was run over while doing a shoot at said park. Let’s go live to Tricia Takanawa, who is on the scene. ” Joyce Kinney added.

“Joyce, the cops have apprehended Mordecai and Rigby. The two Park workers swear that it was an accident.”

The camera panned over to Mordecai and Rigby being handcuffed by two buff shirtless cops. 

“I swear! This wasn't an attack on him!” Mordecai cried out.

“Yeah! We were just fighting over the steering wheel!” Rigby added.

The cops threw the two against their car and began frisking them.

“Uhh Ohh, it looks like we're gonna have to do a full cavity search!” giggled Officer Blacked.

“Yeah! They don’t even have pockets! Who knows what they could be hiding up those pretty butts of theirs!” Officer Whited added.

Mordecai and Rigby exchanged worried glances.

“NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” The two yelled in unison.

Peter and Chris began laughing uncontrollably. 

“Ohh wow! Those guys are fucked! Literally!” chuckled Chris 

Peter laughed even harder and had to stop to catch his breath.

*Heavy breathing* “Ohh, Chris!!! That’s so true!! And wow, they ran an Internet Critic over. You know, this reminds me of the time I met Mr. Enter.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Mr. Enter was in his room, recording another Animated Atrocity. He decided to once again go after Family Guy. This time though, he wanted to focus on Peter.

“What do I even say anymore?! Peter can’t go any lower at this point!” Mr. Enter raged while punching a picture of Butch Hartmans face taped to a punching bag.

Mr. Enter momentarily stopped recording to focus more on Butch Hartman. Peter Griffin was starting to throw Mr. Enter into a state of uncontrollable rage and the Picture of Butch Harman wasn’t helping either.

“Yeah! Take that Chad! I mean, Butch!” Mr. Enter roared while delivering hate-filled punches. 

Just as he was about to get back to recording, Peter came crashing into Mr. Enters room, while driving the Peter Mobile.

“OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” Mr. Enter screamed, narrowly dodging out of the way. 

Peter Jumped out and landed perfectly on his feet. His vehicle continued crashing through Mr.Enter’s house with no sign of stopping.

“Alright Mr. Enter, Seth and Butch are getting sick and tired of you trashing their good names.”

Mr. Enter got to his feet and stood in confused fear.

“W-What?!”

Suddenly, Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men™  walked up behind Enter with a dildo in his hand.

“Listen, buddy, I don’t like stickin things in guys either. So let’s just make this quick.”

*Laugh Track*

“What?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!” Mr. Enter screamed while looking around. 

Charlie Sheen shoved the Dildo in Enter’s ass, while Peter pulled out a video camera. 

“GGHAAHAHAHAAGADHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” 

Mr. Enter fell to the ground while continuing to cry out in pain. Peter watched on happily.

“Hahahahahahaha.” Laughed Peter, knowing that his video would get big hits.

The Screaming and panic continued for a good 4 minutes. Just as Peters Video was about the reach the 5-minute mark, Charlie Sheen knocked Enter out with a lamp. 

“What the Hell Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men™?!” 

“Sorry Peter, but he suffered enough,” Charlie explained while pulling the dildo out of Enter’s ass.

Peter looked down while angrily sighing.

“Fine, but you're only getting two 8-Balls of coke!” 

Charlie Sheen was a bit pissed but accepted the punishment. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Meg walked into the room, and immediately noticed Brian's dead body. 

“Oh my God! What the Fu-”

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice, and Stewie, also with Seth MacFarlane’s voice, were working on a brand new invention.

“Hey, Stewie, what exactly are we working on?” Brian asked, not actually doing any work because he is an asshole.

Stewie looked up, quite pissed off.

“Oh I’m sorry, I thought you didn’t want to waste time on this ‘geeky shit’!”

“Woah man, I was just saying that to impress that girl jogging by. Also just so you know, I think you probably killed my chances.” Brian Deflected.

Stewie clenched his wrench.

“Why are you such an Asshole?! I can barely stand you anymore!!” Stewie roared, intimidating Brian a bit.

Brian looked down and got a little sad. Sappy music started playing.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

Stewie smiled, and so did Brian.

“Thanks, Brian. I could never stay mad at you, or your wonderful voice.”

“Yeah, and your voice is awesome too.”

The two hugged.

“You know Stewie, this reminds me of the time when I scored with Pearl from Steven Universe.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Pearl and Brian were in the Gems temple alone. It was at night, and everyone else was asleep. Pearl was sorta pissed and annoyed, yet also horny. 

“I’m so glad we’re home… You were a complete douchebag the entire time.”

CUTAWAY GAG WITHIN A CUTAWAY GAG

Brian and Pearl were at an Applebees, sitting at the minibar.

“You know, I envisioned something a little different when you said ‘fancy restaurant’.” Pearl complained.

“What did you expect on a Tinder date?” Brian replied while staring at a different woman's boobs.

Pearl was visibly pissed.

“You’re lucky I like your voice, and that most lesbians are fat and ugly, otherwise I wouldn’t be this desperate!” Screeched Pearl, very very loudly.

Everyone in the restaurant was now staring at them. Pearl began sweating profusely.

“Look, how about we just go back to my place, and get this over with…” Whispered Pearl.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG WITHIN A CUTAWAY GAG

Brian began taking off Pearls’ dress but was immediately interrupted by Steven walking in on them. He was in his pajamas, rubbing his eyes when he saw the weirdness before him.

“Dammit, would you PLEASE not have sex in the living room?” 

“Ohh, I-I’m sorry Ste-”

Brian pulled on Pearl’s dress, ripping it a little. Pearl was about to smack him, but Brian quickly explained himself.

“Are you going to take that from your child?! You need to show him who's boss!”

Normally, Pearl would never do something like that, especially when completely in the wrong. However, she was horny, and didn’t want to lose the only man… Dog, Man Dog she hasn’t scared off. 

“Y-Yeah! Steven, we are having sex in the living room!” 

Steven narrowed his eyes and walked out of the house. Pearl’s eyes began to water.

“Oh no… What have I done?!” 

Pearl fell to her knees and bawled her eyes out. Brian lit a cigarette and blew some smoke in her face. 

“Hey! Let’s get this over with! I’ve got at least three more girls to bang tonight!”

Pearl wiped her eyes and undressed.

“Ok…”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Brian and Stewie broke off their hug, and the two worked on the Machine. At least, that’s what Stewie thought, as Brian was only pretending to work on it. 

If you switch the “i” and “a” in Brian’s name around, you get “Brain”. Not sure if that’s just a complete coincidence or...

Chapter Text

Peter, Chris, and Quagmire were eating dinner together. The meat served was Meg. She had pissed Peter off, and for that, she had to die.

“Wow Peter, I had no idea Meg would taste this good cooked! Used to her being raw, Giggity Giggity!!!” Quagmire beamed, right before taking another bite out of Meg’s leg.

“Oh wow, thanks! I…”

Peter slowly narrowed his eyes.

“What do you mean by ‘Raw’?”

Quagmire and Chris both looked up. 

“Uhhh well… I banged your daughter! Giggity Giggity Goo!!!!” 

Quagmire jumped up on the table and ripped his pants off. He began furiously masturbating at speeds quite ludicrous. 

“YOU SICK BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU FUCK MY DAUGHTER?!” Peter roared, climbing up on the table.

Chris watched on in horror as Peter began stabbing Quagmire repeatedly in the gut with a steak knife. Quagmire cried out in pain, but Peter didn’t let up.

“Oh God! This is worse than the time when Janna from Star vs the Forces of Evil developed a dad fetish for Hank Hill from King of the Hill!!!” Chris cried out.

CUTAWAY GAG

Hank sat alone at home, watching the late-night game. Or well, he thought he was alone.

“Goddammit, they lettin the second string line play this game?” Hank raged, as his team was already behind by 21.”

The sound of the slide door opening and closing caught him off guard.

“Bwaa! Who’s there?!” Questioned Hank, looking up.

To his confusion, it was an unfamiliar girl wearing a hoody.

“Uhhh… Can I help you?” Hank asked, now a little concerned.

She slowly smiled at Hank.

“Daddy…”

“W-What?!” 

Janna rushed at Hank and tackled him out of his chair.

“BWAAAA!!!!” Hank cried out, as his back impacted with the floor. 

Janna laid on top of Hank and began ripping his shirt off. Hank could see the lust in her eyes. 

“Noooooo!!!!” Hank screamed, throwing Janna off, and into the TV.

Janna's head went through the TV screen. She was electrocuted and died a few seconds later. Hank went dead still at the sight of her burned dead body.

“Oh God, No! It didn’t have to be this way...” Hank cried, bawling his eyes out. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Quagmire Layed dead on the table. Nearly everything on the table was covered in blood.

“What the hell dad?!” Chris cried out, nearly on the verge of tears.

Peter jumped off the table, and Roundhouse kicked Chris mid-air. Chris fell to the ground and broke his neck. Peter landed perfectly on his feet and looked down on his dead son. 

“Roadhouse!”

Chapter Text

Lois and Brian were at the grocery store. Well actually, only Lois was. Brian was killed in a drive-by shooting. Some say it was Mr. Enter. I say it was probably Mr. Enter.

Lois was looking through a discount bin for some spaghetti Os. She instead found a bottle of white wine.

“Ohhhh, Salope séchée! Sounds fancy!” 

She thought about buying it but remembered that she needed to get food for Stewie.

“...Ehh, he could just have some pop tarts again.”

She went up to the checkout and was surprised to see Bill Clinton was working the register.

“Daddy Bill Clinton from the famous anime ‘Real Life Lolis with Jeffrey Epstein’?!” 

Bill Clinton looked up with a smile on his face. 

“Lois?”

Lois was a bit stunned but finally smiled.

“What are you doing here? Haven’t seen you in years.” Lois asked.

“Well, I was definitely not helping an Internet Critic in a drive-by shooting.” Bill Clinton explained, quite defensively.

Lois laughed a little to herself.

“Right, wanna have sex?”

“Oh yeah! Bill Time!”

Bill Clinton used his Bill Magic to teleport the two right next to her bed. His timing was quite shit though, as Meg was in the middle of sabotaging her mom’s Tyrone brand 18-inch dildo. 

“What the Hell Meg?!” Lois screeched 

Meg jumped up and ran out of the room. Lois chased after her, while Bill used their bathroom. It didn’t take long for Lois to catch up. 

Lois tackled Meg down the stairs, causing the two to tumble. Cuts and bruises formed all over the two. They both lost consciousness right as they reached the bottom. 

“What the hell is going on out there?!” Stewie yelled, from the kitchen.

Stewie walked out to see Lois and Meg unconscious. 

“Oh for the love of- How did you screw up getting food this badly?!”

Stewie looked down in disappointment at his mother.

“*Sigh* This is more annoying than the time when The Angry Video Game Nerd taught me how to use the toilet.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Stewie was sat on a toilet in their house. The AVGN was in the bathroom with him, drinking a bottle of Rolling Rock.

“Out the ASS! Shit out the ASS!!!” The AVGN yelled, directly in Stewie’s face.

“You know, yelling isn’t going to make it come out fa-” 

The AVGN threw his bottle against the wall, then looked at the camera.

“Can you believe this shit?! It isn’t even shit, it’s just a fuck load of nothing!” 

Stewie looked at the camera in angered confusion.

“What the hell?! Have you been recording this?!” 

The AVGN pulled out a shotgun.

“You better fucking shit, or this bathrooms gonna look like a Bull shat out bloody diarrhea all over the place!”

Stewie went wide-eyed.

“Alright! Alright, man… Jesus Christ…”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Bill Clinton walked downstairs and looked over their unconscious bodies.

“Well color me red, because my Balls aren’t gonna be blue anymore!”

Stewie watched on as Bill Dragged them upstairs. 

“Ehh, dumb bitches deserve it.”

Stewie went back to the kitchen for some pop tarts. Loud thumping could be heard from upstairs, so Stewie put on some headphones. Brian was still dead.

Chapter Text

Peter, Joe, and Quagmire sat at their normal booth in the Drunken Clam. The bar was mostly empty since the place was closed. The three had to kill Jerome in order to gain entrance. 

“You know guys, taking all that Meth was one of the best ideas we ever had!” Beamed Peter.

“Yeah! It’s a damn shame Jerome had to die! But, you gotta make sacrifices to have a fun night!” Joe yelled, completely Methd out.

Quagmire did some more Meth.

“Hey, Peter, where the fuck is Clevland?! He’s supposed to be here with the Moly!” Quagmire raged while twitching.

Peter was offended by this and did some more Meth.

“You son of a bitch! You still think I’ve forgiven you for banging my daughter?!” 

Peter grabbed Quagmire by his tongue and chopped it off with a rusty pocket knife. Joe ripped his shirt off and rubbed the blood all over his skin.

“Oh yes! I feel more alive than Mr. Krabs when he dethroned Princess Bubble Gum!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Princess Bubble Gum sat in her throne room, crying in her arms. Mr. Krabs had turned everyone against her rule and even executed Finn, Jake, and Marceline to his vial Capitalistic Gods. 

Her barricaded doors were busted open by her own Banana guards, clearing a way for Mr. Krabs.  He was dressed in a very fancy suit and was accompanied by Spongebob. 

“Well, it looks like the Princess herself is right for the taken. Ayyy Spongebob?” Mr. Krabs asked, with a sly smile on his face.

“Ohh yeah, Mr. Krabs! I think it’s time for us to ‘colonize’ her!”

Spongebob and Mr. Krabs removed their pants and ordered the Banana guards to hold her down. She could do nothing but scream is the two had their ways with her.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

“GUYS!!! HELP MEEE!!!!” Cleveland could be heard screaming from outside.

Peter and Joe looked out through a broken window and saw Fan Boy and Chum Chum forcing Clevland to the ground. Chum Chum was sitting on his back, while Fan Boy had a Glock against Cleveland’s head.

“Holy crap! Why are our Meth dealers doing this to Clevland?!” Peter questioned, twitching a bit from the Meth.

“You assholes thought we wouldn’t notice this case of money had only $50 in it?!” Chum Chum angrily answered.

Peter and Joe exchanged worried glances, while Joe pulled some money out. 

“Listen, how about we just-”

“Too late!” Fan Boy interrupted, immediately capping Clevland in the head.

“NOOOOOOOO!!!!” Joe cried out.

Fan Boy pointed his gun at them.

“You mutha fuckas better not pull that shit again! Chum Chum, take their dirty ass money!” 

Chum Chum swiped the money from Joe, and the two were off. Joe and Peter would never make that mistake again, as they would end up dying from Meth overdoses.

Chapter Text

Clevland and Joe were hanging outside of Peter's house. They couldn’t contain their laughter, as they messed with Peter.

“Wow Quagmire! I can’t believe how easy it was to convince a demon to possess Peter!” laughed Joe, while pulling a dagger out of Meg’s dead and sacrificed body.

“Hahaha! The voices in my head were right! This is the best idea ever!” Cleveland beamed, dancing around a little.

Screaming could be heard from the Griffin house. 

“OH MY GOD! PETER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” Lois cried out.

Possessed Peter held Brian's dead body by its neck. Peter’s head twisted around, and he charged at Lois. She could do nothing as Peter bit into her neck, killing her almost immediately. 

“Ah hahaha! Boy, Peter’s life sure is ruined!” Joe laughed, his face turning red.

“Haha, yeah! I’m having more fun than the Gorillaz when they kidnapped Ben 10!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Teenage Ben 10 was tied to a chair in the Gorillaz van.

“Please! Let me go!” Ben 10 cried out.

*SMACK* “Shut your fucking mouth!” Murdoc ordered.

Noodle walked up to Ben holding a blond wig. She put it on his head and applied some lipstick.

“S-Stop! Why are you doing this to me?!” 

*SMACK* “I said shut up!” 

2D climbed in the back of the fan with them. He was completely naked and dressed in blackface.

“Sorry man, but this must be done for us to be forgiven for our white privilege!” 2D explained, clearly on some sorta psychedelic.

Ben 10 stared blankly at 2D.

“W-W...WHAT?!” 

Russell was driving, with a very blank and slightly annoyed look on his face. He regretted buying those shrooms for them.

“Man, you guys really don’t have too-”

“Quiet! It must be done!” 2D interrupted.

Murdoc tipped Ben over and cut a hole in his pants. Bens' ass was exposed. 2D walked up, ready to WhiteBlacked Ben.

“NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!” 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The Griffins house burned as the demon began teleporting it to Hell. Joe and Cleveland continued laughing, as their friend's house quickly disappeared. 

“Hahaha! Wow, really wish Quagmire was here to see this!” Chuckled Clevland  

Joe abruptly stopped laughing.

“Wait… I just remembered something.” Joe said, with a slightly worried look on his face.

“Hmm?” Cleveland replied.

“Well uhh… The ritual required three participants and one sacrifice…”

Cleveland looked a little confused, then went wide-eyed.

“Wait! Then why did-”

The road split open, as Satan from South Park busted through the Earth.

“HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!” Clevland cried out.

Satan landed on top of Joe, killing him. He looked down on Cleveland, who was nearly on the verge of tears. 

“You fucked up the ritual! I hope you enjoy spending all eternity in the butt sex farms!”

Satan grabbed Cleveland by his leg and dragged him to Hell. Cleveland tried to resist, but it was no use.

Chapter Text

Peter and Meg were sat on the couch, watching Camp Auschwitz Lazlo together. Steve o from Jackass was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit. 

“Lazlo the Jew, please report to the showers… The regular showers, not the, uhhh, other ones.” Adulf Lumpus the pedophile commanded, over the camps intercom.

Peter laughed a little, while Meg just watched in confusion.

“Uhh dad, why are we watching this dumb kids show?” Meg asked, Megly.

Peter's left eye began twitching.

“M-Meg?! Did you just say Camp Auschwitz Lazlo is stupid?!” 

Meg immediately recognized her fuck up and jumped through the livingroom window. She got badly cut up and started bleeding out on the lawn. 

“F...Fuck…” Meg wheezed, as the world around her grew dark.

Peter broke the front door down and walked up to Meg's corpse. Before he could celebrate, Brian the Dog voiced by Seth McFarlane walked up. Not only was he high, but he was dead as well.

“Wow, you don’t see a walking corpse every day,” Peter commented, to himself.

“Yeah, that’s weirder than the time when Johnny Knocksvile from Jackass played that prank on BoJack Horseman from the critically acclaimed but not as good as Family guy or any show Seth MacFarlane has made, show, BoJack Horseman,” Steve o added.

CUTAWAY GAG

“High I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is ‘Revenge on BoJack for having sex with my wife’.” 

Johnny snuck to Bojack's front door and dropped a lit bag of his poop. He rang the doorbell and ran behind a bush.

Bojack opened the door and looked around for a few minutes. He sighed in annoyance and went back inside.

“...Are you serious?” Johnny commented.

He ran up to the bag and threw it through an open window. The bag immediately caught some carpet on fire, and soon the mansion was up in flames.

“AHHHH!!! THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MY DEPRESSION!!!” Bojack screamed, running out of the house in a panic.

Johnny Knoxville picked up a nearby trash can and began to cry to himself. 

“Hahahaha! We’re having fun!!!”

Johnny threw the trash can, nailing Bojack directly in the head. Bojack fell back and landed directly in the fire. He stopped moving.

“Oh God! Steve o, help him!” Panicked Johnny.

Steve o ran up in his underwear, visibly drunk.

“Don’t worry Johnny Knoxville, I've got this!”

Steve o ran up to Bojack and began pissing all over him. Wee Man vomited on the cameraman, pissing him off immensely. The cameraman smashed the camera over Wee Man's head, then stormed off while swearing to himself. 

“Dammit, Steve o! What the Hell are you-”

Johnny was cut off by the mansion collapsing, crushing Bojack and Steve o. 

“Oh shit, everyone, we gotta get out of here. NOW!!!” Johnny ordered. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

“...Oh yeah, haha, I was there! I completely forgot.” Steve o remarked.

Peter thought about the Cutaway Gag and got an idea.

“Hey Steve o, watch this!” Peter yelled, pulling a lighter out.

Peter pulled his pants down and lit his fart on fire. He aimed for Meg's corpse, but accidentally lit himself on fire.

“AHHHHHHH!!!!”

Peter ran to Joe's house and broke the door down. He ran around the place lighting everything on fire.

“OH GOD PETER! WHAT THE HELL?!” Joe Screamed, as his legs began to burn.

Peter ran back outside. Steve o was once again in his underwear, peeing on Brian's corpse. This continued as Peter began burning down more houses, killing most of the neighborhood.

Chapter Text

Peter sat naked on the living room couch. Sans from Undertale sat next to him, in his usual hoodie. The two were enjoying some nice gay Kingdom Hearts porn.

“Soraaaa!!! I think it’s stuuuck!” yelled Donald Duck, played by Will Smith.

Sora, played by Dwayne the Rock Johnson, was too busy sucking on Goofy's cock. Goofy was played by Morgan Freeman.

“Donald, you must allow Sora to finish the oral sex. I’m Morgan Freeman.” Goofy replied.

Peter and Sans shared a laugh.

“Wow Peter, you really showed me how fun Humans can be.” Sans said, still laughing a little.

“Yeah, Sans! We're having more fun than… Uhhh…”

Sans laughed to himself a little.

“It’s all good Peter, I got this one!” Reassured Sans.

Peter beamed with joy.

“Alright, here I go. We’re having more fun than Astolfo (AKA, the pink-haired trap) when he had butt fun with Bill.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Hank and friends stood at their normal spot by the road. Beers were drunk, and Yeps were said.

“Oh! Guys! Remember that time during football when I bent over and pooped my pants??” Bill randomly blurted out.

“Dang’ol, Bill, we had to dang’ol run 25 dang’ol laps because of that!” Boomhauer replied, visibly annoyed.

“Yeah Bill, I was this close to kicking your ass after that.” Hank added, slightly more annoyed.

Bill began to sweat.

“Uhhhh, here! Let me show you!”

Bill ran to the middle of the road, visibly desperate.

“Bill, your legs won't be able to hold up all that belly fat!” Dale yelled, with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“No no! I can do it!”

Bill slowly bent over. His face was red with pain and exhaustion during this ordeal.

“Dammit, Bill! Your gonna kill yourself!” yelled Hank.

Bill kept going, and almost managed to touch his feet. Then, a loud rip could be heard. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer looked on in horror at what they saw.

“Bwaaa! Dammit Bill, your ass is exposed!” Hank screamed, while his face turned red.

Before Bill could attempt to say or do anything, Astolfo appeared behind Bill, cock hard and erect. Also 4 inches.

“Did someone say ‘exposed ass?!’”

Astalfo stuck his cock in Bill's ass.

“GGHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!” Cried Bill.

The other three idly watched on as their friend was butt fucked.

“Yep.”

“Yep.”

“Mhmm.” *sips beer*

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

As the two continued watching their porn, Natsuki from Doki Doki Literature Club walked in.

“Hey! Why are my dads watching gay Kingdom Hearts porn?! You’re not even watching the good stuff!”

*Laugh Track*

“Oh sorry sweety, we forgot you had a half-day.” San apologized, feeling a bit embarrassed.

Natsuki looked at Peter and shielded her eyes.

“I’m going upstairs! I have daddy issues, and I shouldn't be seeing one of my stepfathers naked!”

*Laugh Track*

Natsuki ran upstairs.

“Aww man, I didn’t mean to make her mad…” wept Peter.

“Yeah… We should go talk with her.” Suggested Sans.

Peter looked down at himself.

“Well, maybe I should get dressed first. If she means what she said, then I'm ready to give up nude Fridays.”

*Cheer track*

Sans smiled.

“I love you, Peter.”

“And I love you, Sans Undertale.”

 The two kissed.

Chapter Text

Stewie and Brian sat in lawn chairs in front of their house. It was dark out, and the two were excited for the 4th of July fireworks. Well, Stewie was. Brian was too busy sending dick pics to 16-year-old girls on Twitter.

“My God Brian, do you really have to do that right now?!” Stewie angrly asked while Brian was taking a dick pic.

“Hey, it’s dark. So why do you care?”

“YOU HAVE THE FLASH ON YOU IDIOT!” Stewie roared.

No one in the neighborhood cared, as they were all drunk. Except they weren't drunk, as someone had put roofies in everyone's drinks. 

“Well Stewie, you try taking dick pics in the dark.” Brian replied, in an asshole way.

Stewie narrowed his eyes.

“Alright, that’s it!” 

Stewie hopped out of his chair and grabbed a mortar. While Brian was trying to get nudes from a 14-year-old, Stewie pointed the mortar at Brian. 

“Hey, Brian!” Stewie yelled while lighting the fuse.

Brian looked up and panicked.

“Ahh Stewie! What the fuck!?” 

Stewie didn’t reply and just looked pissed off.

“Oh, non-existent God! This is worse than that time when Naruto got cucked by Courage The Cowardly Dog!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Naruto and Hinata sat in a tree. D I C K…. Aww fuck, screw this joke.

Naruto and Hinata walked through the Asian place, except it wasn’t Asian anymore, as they were colonized by America.

“Wow Naruto, these American men sure are superior.” Hinata commented, visibly horny. 

Naruto cried to himself, while pre cumming a little in his pants. 

“Uhh, but Hinata, you said I was su-”

Out of nowhere, Courage walked up and smacked Hinata on her ass. 

“Ohhhohhhooohhhh!” Orgasmed Hinata.

Naruto went into full rage mode.

“HEY ASSHOLE THAT’S MY-”

Courage shoved him to the ground. 

“Shut it you little Anime bitch! This is MY girl now!”

Courage grabbed Hinata by the ass and began walking away with her. Naruto immediately broke down crying, while jerking himself off. Courage looked back for a moment and shook his head in disapproval. 

“The thing’s I do to get laid…”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The Mortar launched, landing directly in Brian's mouth. As Brian attempted to pull it out, Stewie gave him the finger.

“You deserve this you ass hole!”

The mortar blew up, getting blood and brain matter all over the place. It would have been the talk of the town, if not for the roofies from earlier. Instead, Brian was killed, and no one really noticed or cared the next day.

Other than that though, the fireworks show went off perfectly.

Chapter Text

Chris and Algernon from the Video Game “Bully” were walking through the halls of their school together. 

“Wow Chris, I can’t believe 7 teachers have been arrested for molestation charges today!” Algernon blurted out randomly.

Chris held his left ear in pain while looking really pissed off.

“Oww! God I hate you!” Chris roared, crying a little.

Algernon got a little scared but remained calm. 

“Uhh, ha haa. Y-You don’t actually mean that, do you?”

Chris punched him in the face, knocking him into the lockers. Other students quickly gathered around to watch the fight/slaughter.

“Aww yeah! Two fat asses are fighting!” A student cheered.

“Awhjhhafiagadfdaga-” Another student added while suffering from a stroke. 

Algernon held his face in pain while walking up to Chris.

“Chris?! What the heck was-”

Chris punched him again, sending him back into the lockers. The other students were laughing their asses off, while that one student was now dead. Algernon couldn't take it anymore.

“That’s it! I've had it!” 

Algernon reached into one of the smashed up lockers and pulled out a shotgun. Everyone froze up in fear. Chris was especially scared.

“Woah, man! Don’t take this too far!” Chris cried while peeing his pants.

“Shut up poopy head!” *Bang*

Algernon blew his head off. The surrounding students reacted as expected, and ran.

“Ohh, now that I'M the big man, suddenly everyone is scared! You’re all bigger cowards than Korra when she tried to bully Elmer Fudd!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Elmer Fudd walked around Asian American place with his gun in hand. He was looking for some tail.

“Shhhhh. Be very very quiet, I’m looking for barely legal wuffed up pwostitutes. Ah hahahahaha!”

While Elmer was busy living out his Jack the Ripper fetish, Korra the lesbian bully was looking to cause trouble. Elmer was just who she was looking for too.

“Hey short shit!” Korra yelled.

Elmer looked up.

“Oh wow, that’s a pretty looking girl.” Elmer said, directly to you. Yes, you.

Korra walked up and shoved him a little.

“You look like-” *Whack*

Elmer smacked her over the head with his gun. 

“Ah hahahahaha! I have a license to kill!”

*Bang*

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Algernon wandered the school, looking to shoot anyone that he saw. Weirdly though, no one could be found.

“Where is everyone?! I NEED TO UNLEASH MY RAGE!!!!”

Right as he said that, a bunch of secret agents stormed the building. Before he could react, one of the agents put a bag over his head while beating the shit out of him.

A few hours later, Algernon finally had his bag taken off. He was on a helicopter, and two Agents were sitting across from him. These two agents were Mr. Black and Mr. White from Johnny Test.

“Why did you attempt to shoot up the school?!” Mr. White asked.

Algernon was too scared to answer. Mr. Black slapped him across the face in return.

“If you don’t answer, you will be considered a terrorist, and can no longer be protected by the constitution.” Mr. Black bluntly explained.

Algernon broke and peed his pants.

“OK OK! I WAS JUST ANGRY AND COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!” 

Mr. Black and Mr. White exchanged evil smiles.

“Well, sounds like he just admitted to working with Malaysia.” Mr. White said.

Algernon stared blankly but refused to say anything.

“Yeah, looks we better take him back there…”

Mr. Black looked Algernon dead in the eyes. 

“I sure hope I don’t accidentally blow it up when we leave you there…”

Algernon knew he was fucked.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Chapter Text

Peter laid face first in a pool of vomit, in his living room. He had been drinking the night before, and that night had taken its toll. Lois walked in, looking pissed off.

“Dammit Peter, our guest is going to be here soon!”

Peter rolled over, looking extremely hungover.

“He won't give a crap.”

Peter closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

“Dammit, Peter! This is worse than that time when Applejack from My Little Pony Friendship is Gay (I’m Seth MacFarlane, and I think that was an amazing joke), Lynched AJ from Fairly Odd Parents!”

CUTAWAY GAG

AJ was being dragged out on the street by random characters from Family guy and Fairly odd parents. Both his parents had been put to death, and AJ was to be made an example of.

“Nooo!!! It can’t end like this!” AJ cried out.

AJ was dragged in front of the angry mob. Apple Jack stood proudly in front. She had an arrogant, yet proud look on her face.

“Well well well, looks like ya won't be messing with my farm anymore.” Apple Jack said, in a sinister tone.

AJ was thrown to the ground. He immediately tried to run, but Applejack broke his leg with a bat. (Hi, Seth MacFarlane again. This is the human Applejack, not the Pony one. I’m Seth MacFarlane.)

“OWWWW!!!! I JUST WANTED A REFUND FOR A ROTTEN APPLE!!!”

Applejack smugly smiled.

“Grab the rope, Timmy's dad.”

Timmy’s dad ran up with a rope in hand. He looked really happy.

“Here you go Applejack. Now hang that Ni- Jerk!”

Applejack cringed a little.

“Anyway… Let’s hang him!”

AJ had a noose tied around his neck. He was violently dragged to a nearby tree and knew it was all over.

“WHY?!?!” AJ cried out.

From behind a bush, Timmy watched on. He could barely contain his laughter.

“Ha! Trixy will have to take me to the dance now that her crush is dead!”

Cosmo and Wanda appeared next to him, disguised as a bible and cross.

“Timmy, this was a terrible wish! How could you get your friend killed?” Wanda scolded.

“Yeah! Now you can’t use the N-word anymore!” Cosmo added.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

A ring at the front door could be heard.

“Dammit! He’s here! *sigh* We are getting a divorce after this.” Lois scolded.

Lois answered the door. On the other side was Harry Potter from Harry Potter, which is a series about Harry Potter.

“Hey, Harry Potter. My husband is drunk and passed out on- AHHHHH-!!!”

Harry Potter shoved Lois to the ground. Before she could scream for help, he shot her with some magic shit.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter yelled.

Harry Potter made his way up to Peter's body and got ready to do some magic shit. Before he could Brian walked downstairs.

“Wow, Harry Potter! You’re almost as cool as the character in my book!” Brian gushed, completely overjoyed, and dead.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter, uhhh.

(Hi, Seth Macfarlane here. Harry Potter was supposed to say “Woah, I've never seen a corpse form a coherent sentence.” But… He clearly couldn't handle my awesome voice.)

Peter finally woke up and saw Harry Potter staring at Brian's corpse.

“Hey, Harry Potter! Are you ready for an orgy with the boys?” Peter asked, immediately pumped up.

 “I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter replied, super excited.

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane's voice and Quagmire were at Cleveland Brown's house. Cleveland and his entire family were dead because Brian had killed them all.

“Dammit, Brian! What the hell is wrong with you?!” Roared Quagmire, with tears in his eyes.

“Hey, you should have known I'd do some Meth before coming here.” Brian douchbagily replied.

Quagmire grabbed Brian by his collar.

“You killed them! You killed them, you bastard!” Quagmire cried and yelled, while violently shaking Brian.

Brian shoved him off.

“And whose fault was that? Hmmmm?”

Quagmire clenched his fist while grinding his teeth. He was sweating from how pissed he was and went to go grab a nearby metal baseball bat. Brian didn’t notice this as he was texting a 13-year-old girl for ass pics.

“Aww yeah, I bet Samantha's ass is looking real fine!” Brian said, out loud.

Quagmire's entire face began twitching with rage.

“YOU BASTARD!!! I WAS GROOMING HER FIRST!!!”

Brian looked up from his phone, immediately seeing Quagmire coming at him with the bat. He was too late to react, as Quagmire hit his hand, knocking the cell phone away. Brian's left hand was completely broken.

“Owwwwoowwowhhhhawwwowwww!!!! Oh nonexistent God, why?!”

Quagmire immediately followed up by striking him in his right knee. Brian cried again, while falling to the floor. Quagmire brought the bat above his head, ready to bring it down on Brian.

“No! I can’t die yet! Not until I see Samantha’s ass!”

Quagmire grunted a little and smashed the bat down on Brian's head. Brian attempted to block it, but it did nothing to help. 

“Ghahhhaaaall.” 

Brian spasmed on the floor, as blood quickly pooled on the carpet. Quagmire hit him a few more times, making sure he was dead. He took a moment to catch his breath and calm down.

“Ehh, finally. God, he was more annoying than Spiderman when he played Fortnite.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Spiderman was in his apartment, playing Fortnite on his $3000 computer. 

“Yeah! Take that you little bitch!” Spiderman yelled into his mic.

He was immediately killed by a sniper after saying this.

“Haa! Take that you nigger faggot!” Insulted a six-year-old boy over the chat.

Spiderman flew into a rage and snapped his $200 keyboard in half.

“Noooo!!! Fuck you fuck you fuck you--” Spiderman raged while jumping up and down on his floor.

The children all laughed over the chat. Some continued insulting him. 

“It’s not fair! I was supposed to win! I was-”

“Shut the fuck up! You’re killing my high!” Mary Jane screamed while getting railed by 3 black guys and 2D in blackface. The children laughed even harder and continued to ridicule.

There were now too many talking to understand them.

“Stop laughing!!! Stop it! Stop it!!!” Spiderman cried out.

“Mutha Fucka! Shut your mouth!” One of the black men yelled from the other room.

A little girl laughed really hard over the mic.

“Haaa! My dad is fucking your girlfriend!”

Spiderman started bawling his eyes out. 

“You’re all jerks!”

He continued crying, over the loud laughter. 2D walked into the room, completely naked. He still looked to be tripping on shrooms.

“That ass was not tight enough! I’ll never make up for my white privilege with a dumb slut like her!” 

2D eyed Spiderman for a moment, then sucker-punched him in the face. Spiderman fell to the ground, crying even harder.

“WHY 2D?! WHHYYY?!”

“Shut up and give me that ass!!!” 2D demanded.

 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

After calming down a bit, Quagmire pulled his phone out. He immediately began texting Samantha. He figured now was the best time to invite her over to his place.

Before he could send the text though, Joe, along with two cops, kicked the front door in. They pointed their guns at Quagmire, who in return immediately put his hands up.

“Alright, what the Hell is-” Joe tries to say, before looking around the place.

Nothing but blood and dead bodies can be seen all over.

“Dammit Quagmire! Why did you have to kill them?!” Joe screamed, shaking the house a little.

Quagmire looked down at his bloody bat.

“Wait, Joe! You don't under-”

“Understand?! UNDERSTAND?! We’re going to get blamed for this!”

The cops opened fire on Quagmire, killing him almost instantly. They continued firing on his corpse until their clips were used up.

“I-I think he’s dead.” Sayed one of the cops.

Joe silently rolls up to his body and looks down on it. 

“I always knew I’d have to kill you… But not like this.”

Joe looks around the house one last time and leaves with the cops. They knew shit was going to hit the fan soon. Once word spread about the Brown family's dead, all hell would break loose.

Chapter Text

Chris, Meg, and Stewie were walking around in the City of Cleveland. Unfortunately, they were white, so the various gangs killed them on sight.

Peter and Lois were sitting in the kitchen together. Neither of them was saying anything because their marriage was dead. Peter tried his best to think of a conversation starter. This finally came when Peter stabbed into his food.

“Uhh, Lois?” 

Lois said nothing and just continued to talk with friends on Facebook. 

“...The uhh, the food is undercooked.” Peter finished.

“It’s the kid's fault, they haven’t come back from their field trip to Cleveland yet.”

Peter narrowed his eyes, dumbfoundedly.

“Wh-What does… What does that have to do with the food?!”

Lois ignored him. 

Peter sighed and looked back down at his food. He poked a little at his slimy Salsberry steak. It made Peter sick to his stomach.

“This is grosser than that time when Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel was gangbanged by the cast of Jackass.

CUTAWAY GAG

“Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, and this is ‘Revenge on my wife for cheating on me with Bojack Horseman’… May he rest in peace.”

The camera pans over to Ryan Dunn, who is naked. Angel Dust is naked and tied up on the ground next to him.

“We have captured this Spider guy thing. The plan is to gang bang him against his will. We would have used a girl, but Johnny figured a guy would piss his wife off more.” Ryan Dunn explained. 

“Riiiiight. You definitely ‘captured’ me. Hahaha.” Giggled Angel Dust.

Ryan got a little creeped out by this, so the cameraman paned over to the rest of the cast. They were all naked but looked to be different levels of drunk. 

“So are we taking turns, or going all at once?” Bam Margera asked.

“It’s a gangbang, you dumbass!” Chris Pontius yelled.

“AHHH!!!” Screamed Wee Man. “Dude your cock hit my face!”

“Ha! You mean your face hit my cock!” Smirked Ehren McGhehey.

The camera panned over to Johnny Knoxville, as he was taking his shirt off. He looked pumped when he finally got it off. That quickly changed though as he started looking around the place.

“Wait, why isn’t Steve-O here?” 

Everyone looked around for a moment, confirming that Steve-O was indeed, not there.

“Steve-O?!” Angel blurted out. “You didn’t tell me that lover boy would be here!” 

Ryan Dunn skeptically looked down at Angel Dust.

“You know about Steve-O?”

“Yeah!” Steve-O suddenly shouted. “He knows who I am!”

Everyone looked around again and still couldn't find him. 

“I told you guys! I love doing Angel Dust!” Steve-O explained while emerging from their pile of empty beer bottles. 

“...Ohh! I get it!” Johnny stated. “That spider thing's name is Angel Dust!”

Everyone shared a laugh. Angel gave an obviously fake laugh.

“Hahaha. So uhh, we gonna get this ‘forced’ gangbang along?”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Peter made an honest attempt to eat the steak but had to immediately spit it up.

“Why would you offer to make dinner if you aren't even going to cook it properly?”

Lois continued ignoring him. 

“...You know what, I'm going to the clam.”

Peter threw his fork down on the table while getting up. He couldn't stand looking at Lois as he headed outside. 

“Can’t wait for the kids to get home from their field trip to Cleveland. They are the only thing holding this family together.”

Chapter Text

Peter and Meg are sitting in the living room. Peter is enjoying some TV, while Meg is texting on her phone. Neither are talking or even acknowledging each other's existence. Steve-O is also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit. 

“...”

“...”

“...”

*FART*

A sudden fart from Peter fills the room.

“*Sniff* *Sniff* Eww dad! That’s so gross!”

Peter looks over at Meg while shaking in rage.

“GGGHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! DAMMIT MEG!!!”

Peter punched Meg right in her stupid nose. She was sent flying off the couch, into a wall. Her injuries would have killed her if left unchecked, but Peter wasn’t a patient man.

“Oh for the love of- HOW COULD YOU RUIN MY WALL?!?!” Roared Peter.

Peter rushed up to Meg with a clear intent to kill. He didn’t want to ruin his new shoes, so he kneeled down to repeatedly punch her.  *Crack* *Crack* *Slush* went Meg's head as Peter bashed her skull in. His full strength was used to ensure he would never have to see her stupid face again. And within a few seconds, his wish was finally granted.

“*Heavy Breathing* *More Heavy Breathing* this was more *Even More Heavy Breathing* disrespectful than the time when *Unhealthy Sounding Heavy Breathing* Bill Clinton from the famous anime ‘Real Life Lolis with Jeffrey Epstein’ went to Equestria.”

Nothing happens, confusing Peter. Soft whispering can be heard off-screen.

“Wait, that’s already been done?” Peter replied. “Then what are we supposed to do? We can’t continue without a cutaway gag!”

A big smile forms on Steve-O's face. 

“Now’s my time to shine! Give me a moment Peter, I’ll try to remember a funny cutaway gag!” 

(In the meantime, you should all go read “Bill Clinton in Equestria”. It sure is… Something.)

After but a few moments, Steve-O had the perfect gag.

“This is more disrespectful than that time when Tim the Bear from Cleveland show crashed Human Pinkie Pie's sleepover!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Human world Pinkie Pie and friends (Including Starlight Glimmer of course) and Steve-O were all having a fun time at Pinkie Pie's parent's house. The po- humans were all doing various fun activities, while Pinkie Pie's parents were in an alcohol-induced coma upstairs. 

“I must say Pinkie, this sleepover is nothing like I expected.” Twilight (The one with glasses) comments.

Rainbow Dash pauses her game she’s playing with AppleJack.

“What in the Hay?! You just mad I’m winnin?” 

“Pffff, in your dreams!” Mocked Rainbow Dash. “No one is better at SENRAN KAGURA Burst Re:Newal than me!”

Apple Jack frowned.

“Then why did you pause it?” 

Rainbow responded with a similar frown, before looking at Twilight.

“What videos were you watching anyway? ...Please don’t tell me you were watching weird little kid stuff Youtube.”

“Oh no Dash, these women were way older. Also, it wasn’t on Youtube either. It was on this site called XNX-”

*Knock* *Knock* A sudden knock at the door cut Twilight off before she could get that crucial last letter in. 

“Hah?? Who could that be?” Pinkie Pie wonders.

Sunset peaked out the window.

“It’s…” Sunset peaked again. “It’s an anthropomorphic bear wearing a collared shirt and tie.”

Fluttershy's eyes lit up with glee. 

“Awww, I bet he can’t fit in with bears anymore and needs new friends!!”

Fluttershy hopped up and started making her way to the door.

“Woah there.” Rainbow blocked the door. “We probably shouldn’t be letting a bear in”

“I agree.” added Rarity. “Plus, he’s a complete stranger. We have no idea what he intended to do.”

Fluttershy narrowed her eyes in an unusually bitter way.

“You better move out of the way, or I WILL leak both of your nudes all over school.” 

The other girls all gasped in shock at such a threat.

“You better listen to her.” Steve-O chimed in. “She leaked my nudes last year, and people are still making fun of me.”

Rainbow and Rarity simultaneously gulped and stepped out of her way. An innocent smile replaced Fluttershy's evil frown. 

“Thanks, girls, you’re the best!”

She happily walked up to the door, while her friends tried their best to process her unusually harsh threat.

“Lalalalalalalalala!” Sang Fluttershy, as she opened the door.

“Well hello, there ladies and Jackass crew member!” Greeted Tim. “I’m Tim the Bear! Former character with Seth Macfarlane's voice.”

“...What?” Questioned Twilight.

Fluttershy gasped and blushed a little.

“Wow! A talking bear that knows perfect American!” 

Tim the Bear walked in.

“I’m a talking bear, and a Christian who smokes a lot!”

Fluttershy's smile slowly formed into a frown. While closing the door, she glanced over at her friends. They looked to be just about, if not more confused.

“What?” Questioned Rainbow Dash.

“My son is a pothead! Haha! Get it? I’m Christian and have a pothead for a son!”

Steve-O walked into the kitchen out of boredom, while the girls started getting irritated.

“What in the hay is even happenin?” Questioned Apple Jack. 

“Seth Macfarlane stopped voicing me after 2 seasons!”

“I threatened to leak my friend's nudes for you…” Whimpered Flutter Shy, as tears began forming.

“And look at my clothes!” Tim exclaimed, completely ignoring Flutter Shy. “I’m a Bear! Yet I have a shirt with a tie! But no pants!”

“Ok, that’s it!” Rarity yelled.

The girls all started pushing Tim out, while Flutter Shy walked into the living room to cry.

“I work at an office job and hate the wild! I’m a weird bear! Hahahaha!!!!”

“Shut up!” Sunset yelled.

They finally got him out and slammed the door shut. Tim didn't seem to care and just made his way over to another house.

“Wow! Glad that’s over!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“Ohh it is most certainly not over!” Rarity added.

They all looked over at Flutter Shy. She froze up while tears were rolling down her face.

“I-I’m… I’m so sorry!!” She fell to her knees. “I just really wanted to meet the bear!!”

She fell to the ground while bawling her eyes out. The others started getting sad watching their friend breakdown.

“Please don’t cry, Darling. What you did was incredibly rude, but we couldn’t stay mad at you.” 

Fluttershy perked up a little.

“It was rude, and I will never threaten you again with that. I don’t want your lives to become jokes like Steve-Os.” 

Steve-O walked back in holding two beers.

“Do you think your parents will mind if I drink a few beers?” 

Pinkie thought for a moment.

“Probably.”

Steve-O was already drinking both beers at the same time. It also appeared that he peed his pants.

“Oh, Steve-O!” Chuckled Sunset.

The girls all shared a laugh.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Peter and Steve-O sat back down on the couch. That’s it, nothing else happened.

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane's voice laid dead in a ditch. His killers, Star Butterfly and Marco Mexican from Star vs the Forces of Evil, were laughing near uncontrollably. 

“Wow!” Star finally spoke up. “That’s the longest we’ve ever kept one of our rape victims alive!”

“Yeah! Sorry I shoved that steak knife up his ass… Should have known that wouldn’t end well.” 

Star put her shoulder around Marco and brought him into a hug.

“Awww don’t feel bad. You were the one that managed to keep him alive for six months!” 

Marco blushed a little.

“I know, but still. Would have been cool if we could have made it to seven.”

“There’s always next time! And who knows, maybe this next one can handle a steak knife up the ass!”

They both laughed again. 

“Yeah, that would be great! Even greater than that time when Uncle Grandpa from Uncle Grandpa violated Rick from Rick and Morty!” Marco joked.

CUTAWAY GAG

Morty sat on his couch, watching some weird cartoon called Yick and Porty on TV.

“Man, this show sucks! It’s nowhere near as good as Family Guy or anything Seth Macfarlane has made!” 

Morty stood up and kicked the television. The screen was shattered, and now no one could ever watch Family Guy in that house again.

“Oh no, now I can’t watch Family Guy!” Morty cried out. 

Morty fell to the ground, bawling his eyes out. He had denied not only himself but also his family the joy of Family Guy. 

The front door suddenly slammed open as Rick rushed inside. He quickly closed the door behind him and locked it with five separate locks. One of which he had invented on the spot.

“M-Morty! You gotta help me! You gotta- *Burp* gotta turn Family Guy on!” Rick ordered. 

Morty stood up, crying even harder.

“I can’t Rick! I broke the TV!”

“You what?!”

Rick ran up and grabbed Morty by his neck.

“You little bastard! Y- *Burp* Y-You fucked me! Literally- *Burp* Fucked meee!!!”

Uncle Grandpa effortlessly vaporized the front door with a flamethrower hammer. He was completely naked and had a giant 15-inch cock.

“Well well well. Looks like the smartest man in the Universe hasn’t provided me with Family Guy…”

Rick let go of Morty and attempted to run towards the kitchen.

“Oh no you don’t smart boy!” 

Uncle Grandpa pulled a whip out of Belly Bag and grabbed Rick by his legs with it. Rick fell to the ground, smashing his nose. Despite this, he still attempted to crawl away.

“NOOO!!! NOO- *Burp* NOOOO!!!” Rick cried out.

“Wh-What’s going on?! Why is Uncle Grandpa doing this?!” Morty asked while freaking out.

“Well Morty.” Belly Bag began. “Rick here was supposed to provide Uncle Grandpa with the best cartoon ever, Family Guy! But he failed, so now Uncle Grandpa must fuck him in the ass!” 

The whip came to life and pulled Rick's pants off. Before he could attempt to stand and run, Uncle Grandpa rushed him dick first. Rick’s ass was penetrated.

“AAHHHHHGGHHAAAAHHAAAAA!!!!!!” Rick cried out.

“Oh no! Rick! Oh no oh no! This is worse than that time when Peter Griffin from Family Guy shot Batman's dick off!” Morty cried out.

CUTAWAY GAG WITHIN A CUTAWAY GAG

Peter sat alone at the Drunken Clam. Everyone in the bar was dead because Peter had shot them all during a coke rage.

“Hahahahahaha!” Peter laughed while rubbing his shotgun. “I’m a serial killer.”

Batman came in, ready to administer justice.

“Peter! I’m Batman, and I finally-”

Peter blew Batmans’s crotch off with his shotgun.

“AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG WITHIN A CUTAWAY GAG

Rick could only cry as Uncle Grandpa raped him. Morty also cried. Partially because of his grandpa being raped in front of him, but mostly because he was missing the new episode of Family Guy.

“I’M SORRY SETH MACFARLANE! I’M SORRRRYYYY!!!” Morty cried out while falling to his knees.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Star and Marco took one last look at Brian's body. 

“Wanna go find another victim?!” Star excitedly asked, already knowing the answer. 

“You bet I do! Hope we find another one like Brian. No one gave a shit about him going missing.”

Chapter Text

Stewie and Chris sat in the kitchen. It was night, and they were the only ones in the house. Lois was out cheating on Peter with Steve-O, Meg was dead, Peter was also dead and Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane's voice was uhhh…

(Steve-O was also in the kitchen with Stewie and Chris, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

“Ahh ha ha ha!!!” Chris obnoxiously laughed, while watching something on his phone.

Chris (Who is voiced by Seth Green) had been doing this for nearly an hour. Stewie, who just wanted to clean his blaster ray in peace, was getting pissed.

“Dammit, Chris! Why can’t you go somewhere else in the house to watch that?!”

Chris stopped laughing and looked annoyed.

“Well sorry, mister genius! The kitchen has the best internet connection in the house, and I need that so I can watch Real Life Lolis with Jeffery Epstein without interruption!!” 

Stewie narrowed his eyes.

“What the fuck did you just say?” 

Chris slammed his fist on the table. 

“Don’t use that tone with me! Brain the Dog with Seth Macfarlane’s voice is a special guest star, and I promised him I'd watch!”

Chris went back to watching the anime, while Stewie continued glaring at him.

“Ahh ha ha haaaa!!! Brian sure knows how to work those lolis!!!”

Stewie continued staring at Chris. After some thought, Stewie grabbed his blaster and shot Chris in the head. His brain was vaporized within seconds. 

“Good riddance.” Stewie said, after a few more moments.

“You never truly know a person… I thought higher of Chris.” Steve-O added, sounding a little sad.

“Oh, I’m not done yet. When Brian gets back, he’s dead too.” Stewie replied while reloading his blaster.

Steve-O smiled, feeling especially proud of his youngest brother.

“You’re such a badass bro! You’re an even bigger badass than Ice King when he cucked Mordecai!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Mordecai, Rigby, and Steve-O were sitting at a bench near the basketball court. Mordecai was dressed in a nice collared shirt, while, as usual, Rigby and Steve-O were naked.

“I don’t know guys, what if Margret turns me down?” 

“Ehh, quit being a baby man!” Rigby replied.

“Yeah, the worst thing she can say is no.” Steve-O added.

Mordecai looked down for a moment, before taking a deep breath and ripping his shirt off. He puffed his chest out, transforming into Buff Mordecai.

“Alright dudes, I'm ready to get some ass.”

Right on cue, Margret was seen walking towards them. 

“Alright man, you got this.” Rigby encouraged. 

Rigby and Steve-O patted Mordecai on the back as he made his way up to Margaret. The two hid in a bush, ready to watch him get into Margaret's bush. 

“Hey Margaret babe, how’s it going?” Mordecai asked while flexing his muscles. 

Margaret’s eyes were immediately drawn to his arms. 

“W-wow. Have you been working out?” Margret gushed. 

“You know it, babe.” 

Mordecai flexed one of his arms towards her. 

“Wanna touch it?” 

Margret did not respond but began reaching towards him. Rigby and Steve-O high fived. 

“Aww yeah! Our man is about to…” 

A sudden chill filled the air. 

“Ohh no…” Steve-O added. 

Mordecai and Margret began shivering while looking around in confusion. 

“What the heck? It's supposed to be 80 all day!” Mordecai complained. 

“Yeah, what the heck is going on with-” 

Margret suddenly began blushing and stopped shivering. She looked to the sky and was overjoyed to see Ice King descending from the clouds. 

“Hey, Margret! I-” As Ice King landed, he noticed Buff Mordecai. “Oh sorry, didn’t know you were talking to someone.” 

Margret pulled her shirt down a little to show off more of her cleavage. 

“Ohh hoho! Don’t worry, I always have time for you.” 

Mordecai was a little hurt that she blew him off so quickly. 

“Ohh, well I just wanted to tell you that I made those changes to my fanfiction you suggested.” Ice King replied, feeling a little bad about butting in. 

Margret immediately hugged him, while making sure her crotch was touching his. 

“Wow! That really gets me wet! I-I mean, I’d love to come over to your place too, uhh, read it!” 

“Ouch…” Rigby commented.

Mordecai reverted back into non-buff Mordecai, as his soul was crushed. 

“Ohhh uhh…” Ice King began feeling bad about how awkward he unintentionally made things. “You don’t have to if you really don’t want to. Mordecai-”

She covers his mouth while putting her other hand down his pants. 

“Don’t say his name! You’ll kill the mood!” 

“Double ouch…” Steve-O commented.

Mordecai started crying and ran away. Rigby and Steve-O followed after him. This sight made Ice King’s heart sink. 

“That was rude of you… Mordecai is-” 

“DON’T SAY HIS FUCKING NAME!!!” Margret demanded while ripping her clothes off and foaming at the mouth.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Stewie and Steve-O patiently waited for an hour, till Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane’s voice walked in.

“Hey, guys! Guess who just became best friends with Jeffery-” 

Brian noticed Chris’s dead body.

“Oh my non-existent God!!! Why would you kill him?! His voice actor was a beloved guest on the island! Do you have any idea what this will do to my reputation?!?!” 

Stewie and Steve-O looked at each other for a moment, then Stewie shot Brian right in the head. Just like Chris, his brain was fried in seconds. 

“God, why are we the only normal members of the family?” Stewie asked, sounding both annoyed and a little sad. 

“I don’t know bro…”

The two looked down at Brian's body, not saying another word.

Chapter Text

Joe and Clank, from Ratchet and Clank, were hanging out at the Drunken Clam. Joe was bawling his eyes out because Clank wouldn't stop making fun of him for being crippled. 

  “What’s wrong Joe? Did your wife have relations with another man because you failed to satisfy her during non-reproductive intercourse?”

“Why do I keep hanging out with you?!” Cried Joe.

Clank laughed to himself.

“Because, you have a life-ruining addiction to Heroin, and I'm the only dealer that will still sell to you.” 

Joe cried even harder while shooting some Black Tar Heroin into his veins. 

“Oh God! This is worse than that time when Rick got buttfucked by Uncle Grandpa again! On Christmas!”

“Well, at least he isn't shooting up Black Tar Heroin on Christmas like you.” Clank added, very bluntly. 

CUTAWAY GAG

Morty and his family, besides Rick, were happily celebrating Christmas in the living room. Morty had one last gift to open.

“Wow! I really hope it’s another Seth Macfarlane related present!!”

Jerry leaned in close to Beth. 

“Sweety, do you think it’s a good idea to keep encouraging Morty’s Seth Macfarlane obsession?” 

Beth took a large swig from her Wine Bottle (Or, Bottle of Wine, if you’re gay).

“Sh-Shut the fuck up Jerry! I just want to enjoy fucking Christmas!!”

Jerry cried a little while nodding. Morty and Summer didn't care, as Morty proceeded to open his gift. 

“Oh wow! Season 19 of Family Guy!!!” Morty gleefully showed off, while crying tears of joy. “Can we watch it now?!”

Jarry again cried while nodding, while Beth died from the wine the Federal Government poisoned to show how dangerous drinking is. Summer still didn’t care, as she was tripping on DMT Rick had gotten her from the Mimosa Tenuiflora bark world. Speaking of Rick.

Rick came crashing through the window, with no clothes on. He looked almost traumatized. 

“Morty!!! You- You’ve gotta *Burp* gotta give me the 19th season of Family Guy!!! Uncle *Burp* Grandpa is back!!!”

Jerry stood up and kicked Rick in the gut, putting Rick on his knees.

“We are watching it because that’s what Beth wants!!! Right, Beth?!” 

Beth was still dead, from the wine the Federal Government poisoned to show how dangerous drinking is. 

Jerry sat down to watch Family Guy with his kids. As expected, Uncle Grandpa crashed through the front door with his RV. Uncle Grandpa soon hopped out with Belly Bag around his waist, and a giant realistic cock between his legs.

“Haha!! I thought for sure you would learn from last time.” Uncle Grandpa laughed.

“Maybe he likes getting butt fucked!!!” Belly Bag added.

Rick was too out of breath from the kick to run and was immediately butt fucked on the spot. Morty and the others turned the sound up on the television to drown out the sounds of Rick getting ass blasted. Beth was still dead from the wine the Federal Government poisoned to show how dangerous drinking is

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Clank continued to make fun of Joe for a few hours and only stopped when Ratchet walked in.

“Clank my man, I just scored with this hot black haired girl in a pink dress! She had the hottest accent ever!!” 

Joe cried even harder, to the point where he couldn't even move anymore. 

“Well done Ratchet, I'm sure this mystery woman needed a real man that wasn't crippled in her life.”

“Ehh, you said it! I guess…” Ratchet looked at Joe for a moment. “Ha! This the guy you've been selling all your shit Heroin too?” 

Clank jumped out of his seat. 

“Not all of it, but a good portion, yes. We still need to sell the rest of it to Bill Dauterive. He gets very sad during this time of year.”

The two left, but not before Ratchet took a selfie next to Joe, who was still crying. 

Merry Christmas!!! And Happy Holidays!!!

Chapter Text

Velma Dinky, from Scooby Do, and Meg the Meg were watching gay Hetalia porn. (Or “Yaoi'' if you’re a woman. In which case, what the fuck are you doing here?) 

“Why do you insist on watching gay porn whenever I come over?” Velma asked, being a good Christian.

Meg stopped cutting herself.

“It’s called Yaoi you dumb bitch slut!!”

Meg lunged at Velma holding her razor with clear intent to kill. Velma of course fought back but was caught off guard nonetheless. To make things worse, the gay Hetalia porn was getting way more annoying. 

“Ohh Germany!” Italy, who is played by Johnny Depp, moaned. 

“Haha yay! Pee-pee go in butt!!” Germany, who is played by Mentally Retarded Keanu Reeves, replied sensually. 

Not only was her close friend trying to kill her, but the last thing she might hear was gay Hetalia porn.

“Jinkies! This is more terrifying than that time when Bart Simpson from “The Simpsons™” met Adam Sandler!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Bart Simpson was riding around town on his skateboard. He was up to no good, as he had just finished pranking the local Planned Parenthood. 

“Mmhha hahaha! Who would have guessed putting up that ‘all you can eat’ sign would attract that many fat people!” 

While Bart was laughing to himself, he accidentally crashed into Adam Sandler, who was playing around with some dog poop. 

“Owwy!!!” Adam Sandler cried out.

Bart got to his feet and immediately helped Adam Sandler up.

“I’m so sorry, I am a huge fan of your movies! Please don’t sue me!” 

Adam Sandler clenched the dog poop in his hands. 

“You little asshole! I was working on my next movie!!” 

Before Bart could apologize, Adam Sandler shoved the poop in Bart's face.

“Ahhhh!!! What heck dude!?!?!”

Adam Sandler laughed and started recording with his iPhone 69. 

“Do the poo poo dance!!” 

Bart stared, confused as fuck.

“What?” 

Adam Sandler pooped his pants, propelling him in the air. Poop rained down from above, showering Bart.

“AHHHHHHH!!!!”

Adam Sandler stopped pooping and plunged down ass first. He would end up landing on Bart and getting him shoved up his ass in the process.

“*Muffled screamed*”

“You should have done the poo poo dance! Now how will I make my next movie?!” 

Adam Sandler got up and went to grab lunch at Taco Bell. Bart remained in his ass the entire time.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The struggle continued as Meg showed no sign of letting up. Just as Velma was starting to get exhausted, Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane’s voice walked in. He was clearly drunk and also dead. This distracted the two women.

“Jinkies! I’ve never seen a drunk walking corpse before!”

“I know! It's so hot!!” 

Meg stood up and began sodomizing Brian's dead body. Velma was deeply disturbed but glad Meg was no longer trying to kill her. 

“YAY!!!!” Germany, who is played by Mentally Retarded Keanu Reeves, yelled out as he climaxed. 



Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane’s voice was currently in the process of being raped by 2D in Blackface, who was still tripping on Shrooms. 

“Ohh Non-existent God! Why are you doing this to me?!!?” Brian cried out, as he was ass blasted. 

2D punched him in the back of the head. 

“Shut up you white mutt! How else am I supposed to make up for my White Privilege?!”

Noodle and Murdoc were happily recording with their butt rape brand camera. Russell on the other hand was pissed and offended.

“2D, you already fucked the movement's reputation. Can you just stop?!” 

“Shut up darkie!” 2D yelled back. “You have any idea how many more asses I have to fuck tonight?!” 

2D contenued the ass rape. 

“Yeah! Don’t listen to him 2D!” Noodle cheered while fingering herself. 

“Ohhh yeah!” Murdoc began gushing. “This is hotter than that time when Ed Edd n Eddy from Ed Edd n Eddy used top-secret CIA brainwashing techniques to turn Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender into a trap!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Eddy was happily counting his pile of quarters while Double D was watching Aang get gangbanged by every guy in the Cul De Sac. 

“Eddy, I don’t think this is legal.” Double D complained.

“Can it sock head! This is the best scam I ever came up with!”

Ed returned from the candy store with a barrel of Jawbreakers. 

“I got all they had, Eddy! I even got the ones that taste like feet!!” 

Ed dumped all the jawbreakers on Eddy, crushing him under the weight. Eddy crawled his way out and caught his breath. Double D laughed a little to himself.

“Ed!! I told you to dump them in the garage!!”

Ed threw the wheel barrel off-screen. 

“I can’t help it Eddy! I want a jawbreaker now!” 

Eddy grabbed three jawbreakers and shoved them all in his mouth. He ran off before Eddy could say anything.

“...Did he eat the feet flavored ones?” Double D asked, gagging a little.

“I like cock!” Brainwashed Aang gushed.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

3 hours had passed, and Brian had finally died from aggressive butt sex. This pissed everyone off, but for different reasons.

“Dammit! Now we’re going to be known as the group that fucked a dog to death!” Russel raged. 

“Dammit! I’ll never make up for my white privilege at this rate!!” 2D yelled, while still fucking Brian’s dead body.

“Dammit! I was just about to reach orgasm!” Noodle complained.

“Dammit! There was still two hours of battery left!” Murdoc yelled.

The four all looked at each other for a few moments. They attempted to remain angry but slowly began laughing uncontrollably. 

“Wow, guess we all had something to lose!” Murdoc joked.

“Yeah… Let’s find another victim!” Noodle added.

Russel stopped laughing.

“What?! No!! Don’t… Aww fuck it, no going back now…”

2D pulled his cock out and was ready to do it all again.




Chapter Text

Stanx-Angel

Steve from American Dad and Natsuki were sitting in the Griffin’s living room. They both were quite annoyed. 

“And ever since then, my dad and this gay spider thing have been fucking every night!” Steve complained to Natsuki.

Natsuki stared in disbelief.

“So wait.” Natsuki began. “Your super Christian Conservative C.I.A. agent Dad is fucking some super gay spider guy?”

“*Sigh* Yes! I hear it every night and I can’t take it anymore!”

Natsuki placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“I know how you feel… My dads are super gay too.”

Steve calmed himself down and listened to his friend.

“Mine are just as weird too. One is voiced by Seth Macfarlane, and the other is Sans from Undertale.”

As if out of a shitty Nickelodeon sitcom, Natsuki's dads walked in. Both of them were naked, and Sans had a big mixed race cock. 

“Good news Natsuki, we just converted to Nuddhism!” Peter happily announced.

“Ghaaaa!!” Steve cried out while shielding his eyes.

Natsuki blushed with embarrassment. 

“Guys!!” Natsuki screamed. “Why are you walking around naked?! I told you I had company!!”

Peter and Sans looked down in shame.

“I’m sorry sweety, we forgot.” Sans explained.

“Yeah, and we are expecting-”

A knock at the front door cut Peter off.

“-Company…”

Sans opened the door with his magic. Natsuki’s heart sink when she got a good look at their guests.

“Hey guys, thanks for helping us convert to Nuddhism.” 

Steve slowly lowered his hands.

“DAD?!”

Stan and Angel Dust walked in.

“Hey, champ. Didn’t know you were friends with the Griffin's daughter.” Stan commented.

“And I didn’t know my dads were friends with… His dads…” Natsuki replied, sounding defeated.

Angel giggled a little.

“We’ve been friends for, well, 2 years now.”

“Lovely…” Steve added.

“It really is.” Angel Dust gushed. “Now, we’ll leave you two love birds alone.”

The four fathers quickly begin making their way upstairs.

“What!? W-We are not love birds!” Natsuki yelled while blushing a little.

Their dads laughed a little as they walked into the bedroom. Natsuki waited a few seconds before looking over at Steve. He was also blushing.

“Can you believe them?!” Natsuki began. “I invite one cute guy over, and my dads have to make everything weird…”

Steve blushed harder.

“You think I’m cute?”

Natsuki yelped.

“O-Only in a beta way! You… Beta!!”

An insult that would have normally devastated Steve instead caused him to burst out laughing. 

“S-stop! What are you laughing at? Do you have a humiliation fetish or something?” Natsuki grilled, trying to hide her embarrassment.

Steve continued laughing for a moment.

“Sorry, it’s just the way you said ‘Beta’ was adorable.”

Steve immediately covered his mouth.

“W-wait! I uhhh, didn’t mean it uhhh-”

Sudden knocking at the front door ruined the moment.

“Oh no, who else did they invite…” Dreaded Natsuki.

Natsuki got up, leaving Steve feeling sad at the missed opportunity. Never before had he felt such a good connection with a girl.

Answering the door, Natsuki saw someone she never could have expected. She would have suspected all this was a dream if the day hadn't already been weird.

“Uncle Jew Producer?”

Jew Producer stood proudly at the door. Besides him were Wooldor, Foxy, and Captain Hero. All three had different pieces of recording equipment. 

“Well hello there sweetie! Your uncle heard from a reliable source that Angel Dust is about to engage in a four-way.”

Steve laid down and covered his face with a pillow.

“What?!” Natsuki yelled. “Noo! They are just-”

“Ohhh! All three at once?!” Angel yelled, clearly turned on.

Jew Producers' camera crew all looked horrified.

“Oh no! They already started!” Wooldoor cried out.

“Quick! We need to get up there and recoard that Gay Gold!!” Captain Hero ordered.

Hero threw Wooldoor and Jew over his shoulder.

“Up up in the anus!!” 

He flew upstairs at the speed of sound. Foxy stood in annoyed silence.

“Mutha fuckin dumbass… Makin the black women walk up on her own… Fuckin white ass, yellow ass, Jew ass… Dicks...”

She slowly made her way up while quietly complaining. Natsuki and Steve watched her until she was out of sight.

“...WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!” Steve finally cried out.

The sounds of a gay four-way could then be heard. 

“Uncle Jew has been making a killing in the porn industry lately.” 

Angel Dust could be heard moaning as three cocks entered his ass.

“...And it looks like our dads are going to be in their very own porno.”

Steve’s eye began twitching. Natsuki knew what was coming next and covered her ears.

“AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

“Quiet!” Jew Producer yelled from upstairs. “It won’t look good if your screaming is louder than theirs!” 

“Sorry champ, but this porno will be shown worldwide. It needs to be top quality.” Stan added.

The gay four-way continued. The sounds of multiple vibrators going off can be heard.

“Oh God yes Sans!!” Peter cried out in pleasure.

“Dammit…” Natsuki began. “This is more unbearable than when John Cena got drunk and harassed Samurai Jack.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Samurai Jack was relaxing under a tree. The woods he had found himself in were unusually calm and relaxing. The perfect place for him to be alone with his thoughts. 

Rough sounding footsteps brought him out of his trance though. He quickly got to his feet, ready to face who or whatever could be there. What he saw though was a bit unusual. 

“What are you looking at?! You can't see me!” John Cena yelled.

Jack looked the man over a little. 

“I do not understand. I clearly can see you.” 

John Cena clenched both fists.

“You talking shit boy! Well I better show you who the real man is!” 

John Cena pulled his cock out. Jack was confused but knew what had to be done.

“So… You challenge me to anal invasion. I accept.”

Jack pulled his cock out and-

“GODDAMMIT” Steve suddenly yelled.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

“EVEN THE CUTAWAY GAGS ARE GAY NOW!!”

Natsuki doesn’t respond, as the sounds of their dads had slowly drained her spirit. Steve just looked at his friend with a familiar sadness. 

The Silence was brought to an end when Brian the Dog with Seth Macfarlane’s voice walked in from the kitchen.

“Dammit, Natsuki! Why did you buy a Turkey Pot Pie? You know I only like Chicken!”

Natsuki got fired up.

“I didn’t buy that for you! That was my lunch for work tomorrow!” 

Brian narrowed his eyes.

“Well, not anymore. It’s in the trash now because YOU didn’t buy the right one!”

Natsuki was practically radiating with rage.

“What the hell man?!” Steve yelled. “Why are you being such a douche?! Just go buy your own!” 

Brian looked offended.

“Oh what!? Were you molested by your dad too? Just like Natsuki?! Hmmmmmm?!” 

“I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TELL ANYONE!!!” Natsuki roared.

Natsuki began crying a little. Brian laughed at this.

“Awww, baby sad because she got molested by her daddy??” Brian mocked.

Tears were rolling down her face.

“You going to cry baby?! You going-”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!!!” Steve yelled while squaring up to Brian.

Brian puffed his chest out.

“You wanna go bro?! Really wanna get hurt over some pink-haired jailbait!” 

“That won’t be necessary!”

Everyone looked over at the staircase and saw the four dads. Angel Dust was taking a gimp suit off. 

“Oh uhhh.” Brian smiled like a douchebag. “I was just having them act out a script I've been-”

“Shut it!” Peter interrupted.

Brian cowered like a little bitch. Foxy and Hero walked down.

“What the hell are you doing? You ruined the shot!” Foxy scolded.

“Sorry Love, we were just getting the new gimp.” Angel Dust replied.

They all looked at Brian.

“Uhh, Ahhaaahhaaa…”

“Grab him! He’s in for a baaad time.” Sans ordered, nudging Captain Hero.

Brian began making a run for it. Captain Hero was too quick though and scooped him right up.

“No way you little shit! I’ve been working this job for years now, and I won't let you ruin my perfect track record!!” 

“OOH NON-EXISTENT GOD!!! PLEASE HELP MEEE!!!!” Cried Brian.

Hero put Brian in the gimp suit while he kicked and screamed. He cried out in fear as they dragged him upstairs. Soon, these cries of fear were replaced with screams of agony. 

With everyone now gone, Steve turned his attention back to Natsuki. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he instead hugged her.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. But I’m here for you…”

Natsuki was nearly taken back but quickly embraced the hug.

“I love you Steve…”

The two continued hugging, all while Brian continued to cry out in agony. 

Chapter Text

Chris and The Postal Dude from Postal 2 sat in the kitchen. Chris was showing him his erotic MLP FIM Cutie Mark Crusader fanfiction. 

“Why do I get the feeling I'm being put on a list for reading this?” Postal Dude asked, visibly uncomfortable. 

 (Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

Chris was annoyed by his lack of enthusiasm.

“What are you talking about, you’re already on like, 10 different lists!”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be on THE list… That will ruin my already pitiful marriage.”

Postal Dude continued reading. Only because Chris had tied Steve O up in the basement, and threatened to push the “Kill Steve O” button in his left hand. Eventually, though, the part where Chris’s self-insert had a Hematolagnia induced, gas huffing BDSM three-way with the Cutie Mark Crusaders pushed the Dude to his limit.

“Jesus fuck- *Gags*”

Postal Dude vomited all over Chris’s laptop. The Blue Screen of Death popped up before the laptop completely died. 

“Oh what the hell, look what you did!” Chris socked The Dude in the face. “You’re lucky that was just Meg's laptop, otherwise Steve O would be dead!”

The Postal Dude grabbed the laptop and smashed it over Chris’s head. The Device was sent flying across the room, directly out the kitchen window. 

“Oww! You son of a-”

The Dude booted Chris directly in the nuts.

“OOOWWAHHAHAOOOWAAAAWWWW!!!”

Chris fell to the ground crying. The Dude laughed at his pain and started pissing on him.

“Don’t think I’m done with you after my bathroom break. I’m throwing some Chlorine in this gene pool.”

The Dude finished relieving himself, ready to administer some sterilizing CBT to Chris. The pleasant sight of Steve O walking up from the Basement cleared his dark thoughts.

“Steve O! I probably should have made sure you were ok first… Wait, how did you untie yourself?” 

Champ, The Postal Dude’s pitbull, ran up and started biting Chris’s crotch.

“AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

“Champ untied me! He sure is a good boy.” Steve O answered.

“He sure is.” The Dude gushed while smiling at Champ. 

The two watched as Champ ended Chris’s bloodline.

“PLEEEAAASSS HELP MEEEEE!!!!!”

Steve O and the Postal Dude laughed.

“Now this is my kind of justice.” The Dude joked.

“Yeah! This is even better than that time when Human Apple Bloom-”

“NO!!” The Dude interjected.

“Oh… Uhh, I’ll save that one for later… This is better than the time when Zim from Invader Zim finally stood up to Baldi from Baldi’s Basics in Education!” 

CUTAWAY GAG

Zim sat in class next to Steve O. They were currently in the process of watching Baldi molest Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club. 

“God fucking dammit, What is your obsession with having me molested?!” Monika complained to uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Let us see what Zim and Steve O are doing.

“Our teacher is asserting his human dominance on that hot piece of ass!” Zim yelled to Steve O

“I know… I feel so bad for her.”

Baldi was grabbing Monika by the ass as she was trying to solve a math problem on the front board. Most of the students were taking Adderall, AKA Meth pills, so they were too obedient and braindead to do anything to help. Fortunately, Steve O and Zim didn’t take Meth pills, only tabs of Acid. 

“I do not know why, but this ‘drug’ you gave me is filling me with primitive thoughts of primal dominance!!!!!” Zim yelled out while standing up. 

Baldi turned around.

“Shut the fuck up you minority! Don’t make me call Ice!”

Zim pulls a fucking Phasr-Rifle out of his backpack. (No seriously, it’s real. Look it up. Thank you to MinorSmile09 for informing me of this.)

“Silence!! You will no longer stand in the way of MY rightfully deserved alpha status!”

Zim shot and killed Baldi. Despite using a laser gun, the students still freaked out because they still saw it as a school shooting. Monika was especially terrified and ran out. 

“Come back here, woman! You are my prize!!”

Zim chased after her, while still holding the gun. More screaming was heard through the halls.

“Oh no, this won’t end well.” Steve O commented as the Acid began to peak.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

An hour had passed, and Champ still hadn’t let up. Chris was barely alive.

“Wow, that’s one dedicated dog!” Complimented Steve O.

“There’s a reason he’s called Champ.” The Postal Dude replied, while still proudly watching Champ.

Not much else really happened, but Chris did eventually die. 

Penis

 

Chapter Text

Morty, Harry Potter, Captain Qwark from Ratchet and Clank, and Arthur Morgan from Red Dead Redemption 2 were in Stewie’s room. They were engaged in a circle jerk around a framed picture of Seth Macfarlane while reading their self insert Seth Macfarlane erotic fanfictions.

“As Seth Macfarlane came in Morty, Morty knew that he was truly loved.” Morty passionately read, while beating his meat. 

Everyone else beat their meat in joy. 

“I gotta say, you sure captured Seth Macfarlane’s personality well!” Arthur complemented while beating his meat.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter added while beating his meat.

“Yes yes, that was quite an engaging and well-written fanfiction. “Captain Qwark began while beating his meat. “But mine had Me in it, so it’s better!”

Morty rolled his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, but this is about Seth Macfarlane, not us.”

They all stare happily at the framed picture while beating their meat at an even faster rate. This went on for a good 5 minutes before they all looked back up. 

“You’re right! While my presence would make any fanfiction better, nothing can top Seth Macfarlane!”

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter joked.

“Oh burn!” Morty yelled.

The three started laughing at Captain Qwark.

“Oh haha! Just because I wrote Seth Macfarlane as a bad boy doesn’t mean I think any less of his personality!” 

The three slowly calm their laughter. 

We know, we’re just messin with ya.” Arthur reassured. 

“Yeah! We know how strong your love for Seth Macfarlane is.” Morty added.

Captain Qwark couldn’t help but smile and beat his meat faster. The others also beat their meat faster.

“Thanks, guys! You guys and Seth Macfarlane make me feel more alive than Eustace Bagge from Courage the Cowardly Dog when he killed that Belle Delphine fan!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Eustace Bagge sat in his chair, reading from his newspaper. Muriel was in the kitchen making dinner, while Buff Courage was out getting white human bitches.

“Who’s this Bella Delphine, and why are people obsessed with her stupid feet?!” Eustace asked himself, confused and slightly enraged.

As he uncomfortably read the fetish article, a growing sense of dread started overtaking him. Almost instinctively, his head snapped to the front door. A few seconds later, someone knocked. 

“Grrr… Guess I better answer it.”

Eustace got up and cracked the door open. Chris from Total Drama island was on the other side, wearing a Bella Delphine shirt. 

“Alright, I was just passing by and overheard you calling Bella Delphine’s feet stupid… Not cool Dude.”

Eustace judgementally stared at Chris in silence. 

“...But fear not dude!” Chris pulled out a 250 paged book entitled “Bella Delphine’s feet, volume 1’. “I’ll give you the first volume describing everything you need to know about her lovely feet, free! You’ll have to buy the other 5 volumes though.”

Eustace remained silent.

“...Here, let me read a chapter for you. Trust me Dude, it will-”

“Not interested!”

Eustace slammed the door shut and returned to his chair. Not even 5 seconds later, Chris let himself in.

“Come on Dude! You’ll never jerk off the same way again!”

Eustace started gritting his teeth.

“That’s it, I’m getting me mallet!”

Chris started panicking and rushed Eustace with the book. 

“What's ha? Stay away you-”

Chris shoved the open book in his face.

“Read it Dude! It’ll calm you down!”

Eustace swatted the book away and stood up.

“Stupid simp! You make our species look bad!” 

Eustace turned around for a split second and pulled a comedically large hunting rifle out.

“Woah Dude! No need to-”

*Bang*

The bullet blew Chris’s heart to pieces, killing him faster than you can say, Dude. Eustace looked down at the dead man, admiring his handy work.

“Ehh ha ha ha! Ha ha-”

The front door flew open again. This time, it was Buff Courage and two middle-aged white women. Courage didn’t look pleased.

“Dammit old man! Every time I bring bitches over, you kill a mutha fucka!”

Eustace frowned and turned around to put his spooky mask on. 

“Oooga booga booga!!”

Courage’s eyes went wide with fear.

“AHHHHHHH!!!”

Courage ran away, with the bitches following closely behind.

“Stupid dog…”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The gang was all on the verge of climaxes. The thought of Seth Macfarlane ravaging their butts pushed them over the edge.

“We love you Seth Macfarlane!” Morty cried out in ecstasy.

“Yes! I’m forever loyal after you cured my Tuberculosis!” Arthur gushed.

They all came on the framed picture of Seth Macfarlane.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter wheezed, before passing out on the floor.

The others soon followed.

“My Orgasm… Was best…” Captain Qwark moaned, immediately slipping into unconsciousness.

As the four fell asleep, Stewie walked in. He was not happy with the sight before him.

“What in the bloody hell?! Who are you bastards?! GHAAA!!!!”

Stewie threw his arms up and walked out.

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice was once again in the process of being raped by 2D who was in black face and still tripping on shrooms. This time though, they were all in some old abandoned house.

“Ohhh, non-existent God! Why does this keep happening?!”

None of the Gorillaz replied as they were too busy watching the new episode of Real Life Lolis with Jeffery Epstein.

“Wow, this is actually really good for being a modern season episode.” Murdoc praised. 

“Oh yeah!” Noodle began praising. “Stephen Colbert, Dan Schneider, Lady Gaga, and Luz Noceda from The Owl House all in one episode? How could this not be great?!”

The sounds of chainsawing and sex noises can be heard coming from the show.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Luz Noceda cried out in agony, as she was now limbless and being raped by Dan Schneider.

“Wow, I can’t believe he can find his penis under all that fat!” Stephen Colbert joked to Lady Gaga. 

The show’s laugh track played.

“Ehh, wish they’d get rid of that laugh track. It takes away from the plot and jokes.” 2D pointed out while looking over at Russel. “What do you think big guy?”

Russel was too dead inside to reply or even comment on everything wrong happening around him.

“...You’re less helpful than Morty when he let Rick get-”

“No!!!” Murdoc interrupted. “We’ve already seen two episodes of Butt Fucking with Uncle Grandpa! We DON’T need a third one yet!”

2D got pissed and punched Brian, causing Brian to scream even more.

“Ghhh!!! Fine! Russel is more useless than Mabel from Gravity Falls when Baljeet from Phineas and Ferb got deported by ICE!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Mabel was running around Danville, acting like a retard. 

“La la la la laaaa!!!”

She annoyed almost everyone she ran by, but that didn’t deter her in any way. Eventually, she stopped by a large bush to catch her breath. She almost immediately noticed someone hiding in said bush.

“Hi!! Who are you hiding from?!” Mabel yelled, very loudly.

The Indian (India) boy known as Baljeet cowered a little.

“SHHHHH!!!! Be quiet! ICE is out an- Ehh!” 

Baljeet hid deeper in the bush, as an ICE truck pulled up. 

“Hello there little girl. Have you by chance seen any immigrants around here?” The ICE agent politely asked.

Mabel began ripping the leaves off the bush.

“Is this an immigrant?!” 

Thanks to Mabel, Baljeet was completely visible. He was too scared to speak or even run away.

“That sure is!” 

The ICE agents ran out and began to beat Baljeet with electric batons. 

“OWW OWWW!!!! STOOOOP!!! I HAVE TWO TESTS TODAY!!!”

They ignored this and beat him even harder. The main ICE agent turned to Mabel. 

“Thanks, little girl! Here, have a loli pop.”

Mabel happily took the loli pop.

“Yay!!! I love ICE!” 

Mabel happily skipped away. The ICE agent turned his attention back to Baljeet while pulling out a cattle prod. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The credits began to roll as the episode came to an end. 

“Well that was fun… Now what?” Murdoc asked.

“Wanna go online and see what other people thought of the episode? Then go kidnap the people that didn’t like it?” Noddle suggested.

2D snapped Brian’s neck and stood up.

“Sure, but I get first pick of the ass! I still have white privilege to make up for.”

The three of them all turned to Russel. 

“Stay here and get rid of the body. The acid in the bathtub should still be usable.”

They quickly left before he could reply. All Russel could do now was cry and do as he was told, as he was too scared to defy them.

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice and Stewie were at the grocery store with Lois. Brian was tasked with keeping an eye on Stewie but failed as he was too busy on his phone. He was pretending to be an online breast cancer doctor to get free boob pics. 

(Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

“Brian, do you think Peter will care if I get him the off-brand crayons?” Lois asked.

Brian didn’t respond.

“... Whatever.” 

Lois dropped the off-brand crayons in the shopping cart. As the two began making their way to the Dairy aisle, Stewie walked up quite pissed.

“Why in the bloody hell would you leave an infant by himself in the bathroom? You have any idea how many celebrities are in this town?” 

“Yes Stewie, we will go to the toy aisle after we are done.” Lois replied.

“Yeah Stewie, listen to your mother.” Brian began. “Also, let me take a picture of you, so this big-titted milf thinks I'm a struggling single dad trying to feed his child.” 

Stewie stares at them, too enraged to even respond.

“Wow, coming on this shopping trip was a bad idea.” Steve O began. “This is even worse than that time when Johnny Knocksvile tried to play that epic prank on Squilliam Fancyson from Spongebob.”

CUTAWAY GAG

The crew of Jackass had surrounded Squilliam’s mansion. Each of them were armed with either fake AK-47s or comedically large dildos. 

“Hi I’m Johnny Knocksvile, and this is ‘Revenge on Squilliam for introducing BoJack Horseman to my wife’,”

Dave England, Ryan Dunn, and Weeman were given the signal by Johnny. They kicked the front door in.

“Hey! What is the meaning of this?!” cried Squilliam.

Dave and Ryan pointed their fake guns at Squilliam, while Weeman began air-guitaring with the dildo.

“You’re coming with us Rich Boy!” Dave yelled, attempting to sound scary.

“Yeah! Don’t try anything funny or we’ll uhh do weird butt stuff to you!” Weeman added.

Dave and Ryan pulled Squilliam out, while Weeman began smacking him in multiple spots with the dildo.

“You will all be hearing from my lawyers if you don’t stop!!” Squilliam threatened. 

Everyone laughed as they shoved Squilliam in their Prank Van. After making sure there was no way Squilliam could escape, everyone began celebrating. 

“Yeah!!!! Nice job everyone!” Johnny celebrated. “Now what should we do first?”

“Ohh! Let's throw him in a pit of fake snakes, but have one real snake to scare him!!” Ehren McGhehey suggested.

Everyone laughed.

“Then afterward we should put one of his tentacles in warm water when he falls asleep! We’ll make him pee himself!” Preston Lacy suggested. 

While everyone was coming up with funny pranks for the episode, Steve-O was out of shot, drinking beer mixed with Cocaine. The troubling sight of Star Butterfly and Marco Mexican looking in the Prank Van had all but killed his buzz high. 

“Wow! This guy is perfect!” Marco gushed.

“Yeah! And he’s already been captured too!” Star added. 

The two quietly got in the driver seat and began hotwiring the Van. 

“Uhh, guys?!” Steve-O yelled.

Everyone was too busy laughing to hear him.

“Almost doooone!” Star sang to Marco.

Steve-O dropped his beer and ran up to his fellow cast members. 

“Guys!!!”

Everyone looked over, confused and slightly concerned. 

“Everything ok?” Johnny asked. 

Steve-O began explaining the situation, but it was too late. The Van started up and everyone watched as Star and Marco sped away with Squilliam. The crew stood in dead silence, realizing they had assisted in an actual kidnapping. 

“...Shit.” Johnny blurted out. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Stewie, Lois, and Steve-O walked up to the first available checkout. Brian was dead.

“Do we have everything we need?” Lois asked, already getting ready to pay.

“We didn’t go to the toy aisle…” Stewie complained. 

Steve-O attempted to place a six-pack of beer on the conveyor belt. 

“No Steve-O!! We talked about this!” Lois scolded.

“Sorry…”

Steve-O took the beer off and placed it back in the kid's section of the drinks. Nothing else really happens. I mean, more does happen, but it’s all boring, so let's just end it here.

Chapter Text

The Postal Dude sat tied up in the living room of the Griffin household. Rob Zombie, who was responsible for tying him up, was forcing him to watch erotic videos of his wife, Sheri Moon Zombie.

“See how hot my wife is in this scene?” Rob asked as a scene of his wife in House of 1000 Corpses played.

The Dude said nothing. 

“...Well then.” Rob skipped to another video. “This is my wife with two guys I paid to have sex with her.”

The Dude still said nothing, as he died more and more on the inside with every passing second. Rob sighs and skips to another video.

“And this is me licking the cum of a big black guy out of my wife's pussy. Makes you want to have sex with my wife? Hmmm?”

“This makes me want to ‘Press k to end it all’.” The Dude replied.

Rob Zombie clenched his fist.

“Well, if this video of my wife getting a train run on her doesn't convince you to have sex with her, then I’ll have to show you 50 more!”

“...Fuck.” The Dude blurted out.

Rob got turned on by this. 

“Fuck?! Like fucking my wife?!”

Rob pulled his cock out and began masturbating. All while a video of Rob’s wife getting stuffed by 20 small Asian cocks played at max volume. Words could not describe the exact emotions rapidly swimming around in the Postal Dude’s head.

“This is somehow worse than that time when I witnessed Nicole Watterson from ‘The Amazing World of Gumball’ cock and ball torture Josh Redgrove and Parker Dinkleman from ‘Mr. Meaty’.”

CUTAWAY GAG

The Postal Dude entered his local mall, after having one of those days.

“God, I can’t believe I got jumped by that Seth MacFarlane cult again. Where in the fuck does that kid in the yellow shirt keep getting all those advanced gadgets?” The Dude said out loud, to himself. 

The Dude made his way to the local Mr. Meaty for some meat. (Not in a gay way though, that would be gay.) He saw Gumball Watterson from ‘The Amazing World of Gumball’, looking quite pissed off. This was already a red flag for the Dude but decided his day couldn't possibly get any weirder.

“Why so mad kid? They not serving food for some hopefully normal and understandable reasons?” 

Gumball looked up at the Dude and pointed to the fry cook area in the back of the establishment. 

“One of the employees called my mom a Milf, and she went ballistic!” Gumball explained, sounding more annoyed than mad. “All I wanted was a burger, but my mom’s anger issues ruined that too!”

“...How bad?” The Dude asked, assuming the absolute worst.

Gumball crossed his arms.

“Go have a look for yourself.”

The Dude decided he had nothing better to do, and jumped over the counter. What he saw going on would have left him in shock if his life had already not been so fucked up.

“AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Josh Redgrove and Parker Dinkleman cried out in unison as their cocks and balls were forced into a deep fryer.

“YOU TWO SHOULDNT BE TALKING TO A MOTHER LIKE THAT!!!!” Nicole roared, as she held them down.

The Dude couldn't stop staring, even though he wanted nothing more than to leave. Nicole eventually took notice.

“WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!? THIS IS A COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED REACTION!!!” 

“...Nothing, I lost my appetite.” The Dude replied, before quickly leaving.

He didn’t bother telling security, as Nicole would have more than likely just torture them too. No reason to ruin anyone else's day.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Rob Zombie was now pegging himself with a dildo that was attached to a board with a picture of his wife’s face taped to it. Rob had also plugged in a speaker, causing the videos of his wife to be so loud that they shook the entire house. 

The Dude was starting to lose hope and wondered if having sex with his wife was actually the better option. What the Dude didn't know was that the speaker was about to be Rob's undoing. 

“What in the bloody hell is going on down here!?” Stewie demanded to know while walking downstairs. 

Rob and the Dude looked over at the football-headed baby.

“I am trying to convince this man to have sex with my wife. He's making this unnecessarily difficult!” Rob Zombie explained.

Stewie had no words for what he was seeing in front of him.

“I didn’t consent to any of this.” The Dude added, sounding mentally exhausted.

Stewie was practically radiating with rage.

“WHY DOES WEIRD SHIT ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN HERE?!?!”

Stewie grabbed a nearby golf club and approached Rob. Rob attempted to run, but the dildo was stuck in his ass. Before he could beg for his life, Stewie whacked him over the head. Rob died a few seconds later.

“Thanks! That was one of the most satisfying things I've seen in a while.” The Dude praised.

Stewie quickly untied the Dude. 

“Just get out of here. I’m in no mood to talk.”

The Dude couldn't really blame him.

“Say no more. I’m ready to get this day over with.”

The Dude ate some fast food he had in his jacket and left. Stewie spent the rest of his day disposing of Rob Zombie's body. Any plans he had that day were ruined.

Chapter Text

Morty, Harry Potter, Captain Qwark, and Arthur Morgan were engaged in another circle jerk. This time, they were circle-jerking around tied up Coraline from Coraline, while in the Griffins living room. She had pissed them off, and for that, she had to pay.

“Why are you doing this to me?!?!” Coraline cried, while almost on the verge of a panic attack. 

The Seth MacFarlane fanatics all angrily glared at her while beating their meat. 

“When you said The Cleveland Show™️ was an unfunny show, that was a DIRECT attack against Seth MacFarlane!!” Morty yelled.

The other Seth fanatics nodded in agreement. 

“I hope you’re ready for some creamy justice!” Arthur added.

Coraline frantically looked around at them all. 

“What is wrong with you people!?”

Quark slapped her across the face, causing her to cry more.

“Quiet blasphemer!!! You should be lucky we aren't killing you!” 

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter added.

Coraline began to panic more, knowing now what horrible things Harry, in particular, had planned for her.

“Oh no! OH NOOO!!! I’m more screwed than Rick when he got buttfucked by Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo from Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!!!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Rick ran into a store that sells nothing but DVDs. (No, I don’t know about a successful store that only sells DVDs that exists in the modern-day either. Just roll with it. I love you.)

“Do you have ANY *Burp* copies of ANY season of Family Guy?!” Rick frantically asked.

The guy at the front desk shook his head.

“Sorry man, but that Seth MacFarlane cult bought them all up earlier.”

Rick slammed his fists on the desk, startling the guy.

“Dammit!! What the *Burp* fuck is Morty planning?!”

To his horror, Uncle Grandpa's RV came crashing through the store. Instead of Uncle Grandpa hopping out though, it was Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. 

“That’s for us to know and you to never find out!” Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo anime explained.

Rick pulled a laser gun out.

“W-Who the *Burp* fuck are you!?”

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rubbed the back of his hair in embarrassment. 

“Oh I'm sorry, I really should explain what’s going on.”

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo pulled a piece of paper out while clearing his throat. 

“You see, my good friend Uncle Grandpa is too busy banging your mama, so he asked me to give you your medicine. And by medicine, I mean…” Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo flipped the paper over. “Well shoot, looks like my secretary forgot to finish this.”

Don Patch came running out of the RV in a slutty secretary outfit.

“It’s not my fault you gave me a pen with little ink while also making me give you head!!!”

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo kicked him away. 

“You didn’t even give good head! I’m hiring a new secret-” In the corner of his eye, he noticed Rick was about to use his portal gun. “Oh ho nooo to that!!” FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!!!!”

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's nose hairs grabbed Rick and restrained him. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo also ripped his clothes off, revealing his giant anime cock. The front desk guy was absolutely batshit scared but feared something bad would happen if he tried to run.

“Now just a warning. It’s been a while since I did this, so I don’t have any lubricants with me.” Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo warned.

Rick attempted to break free, but it was no use. Once again, he was fucked.

“NOOOOOOO- *Burp* -OOOOOOOOO!!!!”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The four Seth MacFarlane fanatics were all on the verge of orgasms. Coraline could only close her eyes and cry more. 

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter announced while moaning a little.

The others also began moaning, ready to cum on Coraline. Suddenly though, the lights in the house all went out, stopping them dead in their faps. 

“What’s going on!? The family that lives here always pays their electric bill!” Morty yelled. 

The lights immediately came back on. To the horror of everyone, except for Coraline, the Undertaker was standing behind Morty.

“Wh-What the fu-” 

The Undertaker grabbed Morty by his neck, and choke slammed him on the ground. Undertaker turned his attention to Harry Potter but stopped as a very bad-smelling smell filled the air.

“Y-You… *Coughs up blood* You broke my jar full of Seth MacFarlane's farts!” Morty cried, while slowly dying. 

The Undertaker and Coraline gagged a little, while the Seth Fanatics grabbed Morty and ran out of the house. After a few moments passed, the air had cleared. Coraline had vomited from the mix of shock and Seth MacFarlane’s farts.

“Why grandpa!? Why!?” Coraline cried out, emotionally breaking down. 

The Undertaker untied his granddaughter and hugged her. A few tears streamed from him as he knew the mental trauma had already been done. 

“I don’t know sweetie… I don’t know…”

(PS: I know Seth MacFarlane hates The Cleveland Show™️. However, this is a cautionary tale about how a cult will even forget the teachings of their leader, just to prove how loyal they are. It is a tragic tale that I hope none of you ever fall into. Penis)

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice stood alongside Fan Boy and Chum Chum. They watched as the town’s library burned to the ground before them. Fan Boy and Chum Chum both slowly turned their heads towards Brian, pissed and slightly saddened. 

Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit. 

“Dammit, Brian! How the FUCK could you let our main Meth Lab blow up?!” fumed Fan Boy 

“Yeah! I thought you were ‘the best Meth maker around’!!” Chum Chum added

Brian glared at them. 

“I AM the best at making Meth!” Brian began. “I’m the best at everything, so therefore, I'm the best at making Meth!! You dumbasses just can't see that.”

Brian turned his back to them and began walking away.

“You’re not getting off that easy you fucker!!” Chum Chum roared while pulling his gun out.

Brian noticed and begin running. He didn’t make it far, as Chum Chum shot his knees out.

“Ohhh, non-existent God! You guys are so ungrateful!!!” Brian cried out.

Fan Boy and Chum Chum walked up to him. 

“Ungrateful!?” Fan Boy began, as the two started kicking him. “This Meth Lab was supplying the entire town!”

“Yeah! Now Clank's Heroin Cartel will take all this turf!” Chum Chum added.

Steve-O watched on sadly as the two kicked Brain. The destruction of the Meth Lab and frustration on Fanboy and Chum Chum’s faces nearly brought him to tears.

“I can’t believe we trusted Brian with that Meth Lab. We’re dumber than Ed Edd n Eddy when they lost brainwashed Aang.

CUTAWAY GAG

Eddy was frantically searching around an alleyway for his brainwashed money maker. 

“Where is he!? I’m losing money!!”

Double D watched on with a blatant look of annoyance.

“Eddy, I would imagine he is dead by now. It’s been a week since you somehow lost him.”

“What are you talking about sockhead?” Eddy began while looking through a dead hobo's tent. “He was completely fine for a month, so why would he die after a week without us?”

Double D walked into the tent.

“I've been injecting him with water and nutrient packets! That’s the only reason he hasn't died yet!! No person should be living like this Eddy, just admit this scam went too far!!!”

Steve-O jumped out from a dumpster he had been searching through.

“Please keep it down. This is a really bad neighborhood.”

Double D took a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Right… But it is still quite pointless to be looking for him.”

Eddy walked out of the tent.

“Yeah yeah, just keep looking.”

Ed suddenly appeared from a dirty pile of old clothes, startling everyone. 

“He’s not here guys. But I did find this pair of underwear!” Ed eats the underwear. “Mhhh, crunchy!”

Double D started gagging. 

“Ed! Don’t… That’s disgusting- *vomits*”

Eddy shielded his eyes.

“We can eat later Ed.” Eddy began. “We need to find my moneymaker first.”

Steve-O nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah. And Ed, we can always find better underwear to eat back home. You don’t want to eat underwear in an alley like this.”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Brian was now nothing more than a beaten corpse laying on the road. Fan Boy and Chum Chum were breathing heavily from the beating. They knew Brian’s death wouldn't accomplish anything, but they had to get their anger out somehow. 

“We should probably get out of here before any cops show up. I’m sure someone has called in the fire.” Steve-O suggested.

Fan Boy and Chum Chum looked up at their good friend. 

“Good call. I’d rather not explain all this to the cops.” Fan Boy replied.

Chapter Text

Joe was unhappily riding his sit-down mower. 

(No, I don’t know how he uses it without legs, just roll with it, I’m Seth MacFarlane. - Seth MacFarlane) 

He had the deck all the way down and angrily sang a very Heroin induced song.

“Gotta Big Dick! Gotta Big Dick!!” Joe angrily sang as he ruined people's lawns.

The people of Spooner Street were too scared to do anything. Cleveland had tried earlier but was sent home in tears after Joe ridiculed him for starring in the Cleveland show. 

“Gotta Big Dick! Gotta Big Dick!!” Joe continued singing.

Inside the Griffin household, Naked Peter and Sans watched from their front window. Shared looks of disappointment were painted across their faces as Joe ruined another lawn. 

“Sad to see another life ruined by Heroin.” Sans lamented.

Natsuki came downstairs. She instinctively shielded her eyes from Naked Peter's naked body. It was a gamble whether or not Sans remembered to be naked.

“Why is Joe doing this? Did he find out his wife cheated on him again?” 

Naked Peter turned to Natsuki.

“Sweety, this is what Heroin does to you.”

Natsuki was stunned.

“Joe is doing Heroin?!”

She walked up to the window for a better look. With the knowledge of his Heroin usage, Joe being an addict began to make sense.

“Wow, he looks more unhinged than Jimmy Neutron, from Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, when he started a sex trafficking ring using clones of his mom.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Jimi Hendrix was dead.

Jimmy Neutron sat naked atop a pile of money in his Laboratory/Base of operations. His friend Carl was there with him, but not at all happy.

“Jimmy, isn't sex trafficking evil?” 

Jimmy hopped off his money pile.

“Evil?! I am providing people with something they want! How is that evil!?”

Carl had never felt more disappointed in his friend.

“Jimmy, do I really need to explain why sex trafficking is wrong?”

Jimmy resists the urge to hit Carl.

“I gave you five clones! Is that not enough for your fat ungrateful ass?!” 

Carl was visibly hurt by his friend's cold words.

“Jimmy-”

“And if you even think about selling me out, I’ll do to you what I did to Sheen!!” Jimmy interrupted. 

Tears began to rapidly build up as Carl ran out of the Lab.

“...What a short-sighted baby.”

Jimmy returned to his money pile. It was the only friend he needed.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Nearly every yard was ruined, and some even looked to be beyond repair. Joe looked over at the Griffin household, clearly setting his gaze on the lawn.

“Oh hell no!” Sans yelled while making his way towards the front door.

“What are you doing?” Naked Peter and Natsuki asked, simultaneously.

Sans opened the door.

“I spent three months making our lawn look great. I’m not letting some Heroin addict ruin it.”

Sans walked outside, showing no hesitation as he approached Joe. Peter and Natsuki watched on from the window. 

Joe brought his mower to a stop as Sans got closer. His Heroin crazed mind saw only one course of action.

“Get the fuck out of my way! I’m trying to mow! GOTTA BIG DICK!!! GOTTA BIG DICK!!!”

Sans pulled a decent-sized socket wrench out from his jacket and smacked Joe across the face with it. Joe held his face in horror and pain.

“You hit me! What the hell man?!”

Sans whacked him across the face again, this time knocking Joe off the mower. 

“Oh God! WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!” Joe cried out.

Sans didn’t respond and hit him a third time across the face. Joe was finally knocked unconscious, to the shock and secret joy of Naked Peter and Natsuki. 

“Woah! I didn’t know dad could be so ruthless!” Natsuki exclaimed.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about your father, sweetie. He’s way different than what he used to be.” 

Sans walked back inside, bloody socket wrench in hand. He said nothing for a few moments.

“...He was in for a baaad time.”

*Laugh Track*

“Oh, dad!” Laughed Natsuki.

The family shared a laugh.

Chapter Text

Big Smoke from GTA San Andreas was tied naked to a table located in the Gorillaz secret hideout. Murdoc was in the process of putting a furry wolf costume on. It had a built-in dildo that was located directly above his green cock.

“Ohh God why!? What did the Smoke do to deserve this!?” Big Smoke cried.

Murdoc finished putting the costume on and turned to face him. 

“Two for one deal. Clank hired us to take out your Crack ring, and I get to help take an oppressed victim off of this cruel world… Anyway I see fit.”

Murdoc threw a rag over Big Smoke's face and began pouring a bucket of piss on his face.

“AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Murdoc tased him in the balls. 

“Shut the fuck up!! 2D and Noodle are trying to watch Real Life Lolis with Jeffrey Epstein!!”

In a few rooms over, Noodle and 2D were following along to the shows how to do it at home “Child sacrifice of sexual romance™.”

“And then, you will want to fully remove the child's heart, and consume it, signifying your everlasting love.” Bill Clinton explained while standing next to what looked to be Gwen from Total Drama tied up in a gimp suit.

“MMHHHMMHMHMMHHHHMMMMHHH!!!” Gwen attempted to cry out.

Bill Clinton began cutting the heart out of Sheen's body, from Jimmy Neutron.

“Oh and please note, the child is still alive. The shock and pain has just rendered them unconscious.” Bill added.

2D and Noodle sigh in relief.

“That’s good, I thought my white privilege killed him.” 2D admitted while looking down at the body of Craig from Craig of the Creek. Heart was still beating.

“You need to stop being so hard on yourself.” Noodle voiced her concern.

2D thought it over, feeling bad about making Noodle worry.

You’re right, I sound more pathetic than-”

The laugh track from the show suddenly played. The two looked up to see Bill Clinton attempting to force-feed half of Sheen's heart to Gwen. His pants were down, though it was unclear whether or not this was intentional.

“This part of the instructions?” 2D asked.

Noodle grabbed Craig's heart while laughing a little to herself. 2D looked over and was met with a heart in the mouth. 

Back in the dungeon room, Murdoc was preparing to butt sex sacrifice Big Smoke. 

“OH GOD NO NO PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO THE SMOKE!!” Big Smoke pleaded.

Murdoc laughed.

“That’s what Russel said before I freed his oppressed ass from this world… Minus the ‘Smoke’ part anyway.”

Murdoc began approaching Big Smoke.

“I’m going to have more fun than Engineer from Team Fortress 2 when he created to copy of XJ9.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Red Engineer had put the final touches on his XJ9 mimic. All he needed to do was flick a switch, and she was on.

“Finally, after all this time.”

With the flick of the switch, she powered on. It took her a moment to fully gain her functions, but soon she was ready to go. 

“Wh-Where am I?” 

Engineer approached her.

“You’re in my workshop.”

“Your workshop?” She looks around a bit. “What are we going to do in your workshop?”

Engineer pulled his wrench out.

“I’m gonna show you how to build a sentry.”

He pointed at a pile of parts. 

“A sentry? But why?” 

Engineer gave a warm smile. 

“Because a father should pass his knowledge down to his daughter.”

“Wait… You’re my dad?” 

“Yes, sweety.”

XJ9 looks a bit confused but soon smiles. 

“Let’s go build that sentry, dad.”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Murdoc stood in silence for a minute straight. Big Smoke was scared shitless, wondering what might happen next.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DIDN’T HE RAPE HER!?!?!?”

Murdoc began hitting Big Smoke repeatedly out of anger. 

“OH GOD OW OW OW WHY WHY?!?!”

Back in a few rooms over, 2D and Noodle had finished the heart. They also had really gross sex, but we don’t need to focus on that. 

“Wow, that was better than I ever could have dreamed of.” Noodle gushed.

“Yeah, but I feel like I'll never redeem myself for my white privilege… Let’s go find Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlanes voice. I need to get my mind off of my white privilege.”

Chapter Text

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice and Chris were driving through a bad neighborhood in a van. The human Cutie Mark Crusaders were tied up and gagged in the back of the van.

(Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

“Thanks again for helping me, Brian! I didn’t know you were so good at kidnapping children!” Thanked Chris.

Brian finished looking through a Child Porn Furry page on Reddit. “Don’t mention it, Chris. Always happy to show off how great at everything I am.”

They continued to drive through the shitty-ass neighborhood, while the Cutie Mark Crusaders cried in the back. Their crying was giving Chris A boner and was clearly affecting his driving. Brian tried to ignore it, but Chris would end up hitting a curve that caused him to accidentally close out of his tab.

“Dammit, Chris!!” Brian began yelling. “Just pull over and deal with your erection you fat ass piece of shit!!”

Normally Chris would have been pissed off by Brian’s insult, but the idea of having his way with one of the girls filled him with so much joy.

“Yay!!!” Chris pulled over next to an alley and grabbed Sweetie Bell. “Lock the doors, someone might try to take my prizes” 

Brian didn’t reply, as he was looking at more Furry Child Porn. 

“...Ok thanks, Brian.”

Chris pulled Sweetie Bell out and slammed the door shut. She attempted to struggle out of his grasp, but he was too strong. 

Steve-O attempted to untie himself in an attempt to help, but couldn’t do it. “Oh no! She’s going to be more messed up than Boyfriend from Friday Night Funkin’ when Trevor Philips from GTA 5, and Aran Ryan, from Punchout!!! Wii, beat him up!”

CUTAWAY GAG

“AHHHHHH!!” Aran Ryan roared while throwing baseballs at squirrels in an Oak tree.

Trevor Philips was repeatedly smacking the tree with a baseball bat. He swung with such purpose and rage. “QUIT STEALING OUR ACORNS YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!” 

As this was going on, Boyfriend and Girlfriend, and Steve-O happened to walk by. Like anyone would have done, the three watched in confusion. Aran soon took notice of this, and directed his Irish attention towards them.

“WHAT ARE YA LOOKIN AT YA MIDGET LITTLE FUCKIN FUCKS!!!!! AND JACKASS CREW MEMBER!!!!!!” 

GF hid behind her large speakers while BF tried to stay calm. Steve-O drank a few beers.

“Beep?” BF asked.

Trevor suddenly stopped whacking the tree. “DID YOU JUST SAY AN IRISH RACIAL SLUR!?!? MY BEST FRIEND IS IRISH!!!!”

“AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Aran added, chaging at BF.

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!” BF panicked, unknowingly making things worse with every BEEP.

“THAT’S IT!!!” Trevor rushed BF. “WE’RE TEACHING YOU TO BE LESS RACIST!!!”

Trevor and Aran grabbed a hold of BF before he could get away. GF stayed hidden but watched on in horror as the two began tying a rope around her Boyfriends ankles.

“I don’t like where this is going.” Steve-O commented, now standing behind the speakers with GF.

“Hope ya like being our SQUIRREL FLAIL!!!” Aran yelled while beginning to spin BF around in the air.

Trevor did some Meth and laughed. “Now THIS is how you multitask!!”

Aran searched the tree for any squirrels, while BF freaked the fuck out. The moment one was spotted, BF was tossed right at it. The Squirrel, rather unsurprisingly, got out of the way long before BF could make contact. BF however did make contact with a large tree trunk.

“Grrrr, our new Flail sucks! Let’s just beat him up!” Trevor suggested.

“I was just thinkin the same thing!” Aran agreed.

Aran pulled BF back to them, and the two began mercilessly beating the shit out of Boyfriend. Girlfriend was too scared to help (rightfully so), while Steve-O was drinking two beers while now in his underwear.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

As Chris began walking down the dark alley, the sudden sound of one of the van’s windows being broking stopped him dead. He looked back and saw 2D and Noodle pulling Brian out through said broken window.

“Oh, non-existent God!! I didn’t do anything to deserve this!!!”

“Shut up!!” Noodle yelled.

They punch Brian a few times, then dragged him back to their own van. Once in, the two speed away. Chris was left confused. 

“...Wow you don’t see that every day.” He looked back down at Sweetie Belle. “But you also don’t get to have sex with Sweetie Bell every day… It’s been one of those days.”

Sweetie began crying and freaking out more. But this would quickly end, as the Postal Dude suddenly came out of a dumpster with a crack pipe in his hand. 

“Hey! That’s my line! Who do you…” 

Chris nearly pissed his pants. “Y-You?!”

The Postal Dude stared at Chris for a good moment, then at Sweetie Belle. Thanks to Chris’s fanfiction, The Dude immediately recognized who she was.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Chris attempted to make a run for it, but the Dude wasn’t having any of it.

“Ohh ho no you don’t!” The Dude Whistled. “Get him Champ!”

Champ the Pitbull jumped out of the Dumpster and chased after Chris. Chris wouldn’t get far, and soon Champ was once again chewing on his crotch.

“YYEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Chris cried out.

While Champ was busy with Chris, The Dude untied and ungagged Sweetie Belle. Sweetie immediately hugged The Dude while bawling her eyes out. She suddenly broke the hug and ran back to the van to open it.

Inside, The Dude saw the other two girls and Steve-O. At this point, Chris had died and Champ was happily walking back up to The Dude. 

“Wow, you saved me again!” Steve-O announced. “And you also saved three innocent children! You’re a real hero!” 

The Dude went quiet. He looked down for a few moments and thought about his life. He looked back up though with a weak smile. 

“Right… Let’s just get you all untied and safely home.”

Chapter Text

Meg the Meg was dead.

Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson from the Simpsons were tired and exhausted from a long day of work.

“Ohh honey, I hope Adam Sandler's new movie will be done soon. I've never worked this much in my life!” Homer complained.

“It doesn't matter how much we have to work!” Marge began yelling. “If we can't finish this movie, then Adam Sandler will never give Bart back to us!”

Before the two could begin arguing, Morty, Harry Potter, Captain Qwark and Arthur Morgan kicked the front door open. All four looked pissed.

“This place isn't Family Guy or anything Seth Macfarlane has made! Let’s get them!!” Morty raged.

Homer and Marge screamed as the four rushed them.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter suggested as they grabbed a hold of the married couple.

“Great idea! So great that I would have come up with it too if given more time!” Captain Qwark praised.

Homer and Marge were tied up and gagged with Seth Macfarlane brand ball gags. 

“Now, everyone assume the positions!” Morty ordered.

Morty, Arthur, and Captain Qwark pulled their dicks out. Harry Potter cast some kinda dick spell on them, causing their dicks to turn into tentacles. Homer and Marge freaked the fuck out but could do nothing.

“Haha! We’re gonna go all weird Japanese on ya!” Arthur joked.

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!” Harry Potter added.

CUTAWAY GAG

Peter sat at his laptop, watching Elizabeth from Bioshock get a train run on her by Super Mutants from the Fallout series. 

“Wow, I didn’t realize there was so much porn of her!” Peter remarked.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Ned Flanders from the Simpsons walked by the Simpson household. He intended to brighten their day with a surprise visit. He noticed the front door was open and walked right in.

“Hydi ho neighborinos! I hope- GHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”

Ned's sudden screech startled the four Seth Macfarlane fanatics. 

“Crap! Guys, we can't leave any witnesses! It will make Seth Macfarlane look bad!” Morty explained.

“Uhhh, he’s already gone.” Captain Qwark pointed out.

They looked outside and saw Ned driving away with his two children. 

“...FUCK!!” Morty yelled while throwing his hands in the air. “Let's just finish up here, and fix this later.”

Chapter Text

Cleveland and Joe were standing on the sidewalks outside the Griffin House. They were laughing uncontrollably as their newest and funniest prank was a complete success. 

"Wow Joe, I can't believe Peter never expected a thing!" Cleveland laughed. 

Joe didn't respond as he was laughing too hard while watching the house erupt in flames. The various members of the family all cried out as they tried and failed to open the front door. 

Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s Voice was used as a battering ram. This killed him and caused his phone filled with uncomfortably realistic Shotacon porn to be destroyed.

"Barricading that door was a good call!" Cleveland began while laughing. "Now Peter will watch his whole family die with him!" 

Quagmire came running out from his house, holding back visible laughter.

"I thought you guys were just joking about burning Peters's house down! This is the funniest prank ever!" 

The three shared a laugh, while Peter and his family cried out for help. No one in the neighborhood dared to interfere, fearing that the three crazed men would do the same to them. 

"*slowing laughter* you know guys, things haven't been the best for me lately." Joe began. "But days like this really show me why life is worth living!"

Overjoyed to hear this, Cleveland and Quagmire hugged Joe. 

"That's great buddy." Quagmire began, momentarily pausing to better hear the screaming. “Listen to that, they sound more horrified than Garnet, from Steven Universe, when Johnny, from Johnny Test, ruined her party!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Garnet stood in silent shock at the horrifying sight before her. 

“Wh… What have you done?” She asked Johnny Test.

Johnny stood there with his default smile. 

“I’m an impressionable child, and just got done playing Fallout New Vegas for 5 months straight!!”

Beach City was in ruins. Many of its residents had been crucified in the streets, while others had been burned alive on burning tires. The Gems, besides of course Garnet (Ruby and Saphire, technically?) were all shattered and forcibly inserted into the rectum of Major Dewy, killing him in one of the worst ways possible. 

Garnet was nearly on the verge of vomiting. The smell in the air from the freshly burned bodies and anal wounds of Dewy was almost overwhelming. What really got to her though were the barely alive victims tied to the crosses. Upon further inspection, it was clear that Johnny had intentionally let them get swarmed with Mosquitoes.

“You’re a monster!” Garnet snapped.

“Ave, True to Caesar!!” Johnny yelled while using his Power Poots power to fart into the air, and far away from Garnet.

This sudden random event shook Garnet to her core and caused her to unfuse. The now two small gems both stared in silence. Ruby stared off into the direction Johnny farted towards, and Saphire stared at all the death and destruction. 

There was one body that stood out more than the others though… That was the charred remains of Steven Universe.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Speaking of charred remains…

The house was burned and gone. All that remained were the bodies of the family that once inhabited it. 

“I can’t wait to hear Peter’s reaction tomorrow! Still can’t believe he never saw that prank coming!!” Joe laughed, as the three began walking down the street.

The three continued laughing and soon were gone.

Chapter Text

Stewie sat alone in a Chick-fil-A® restaurant. He had been there for a good two hours anticipating the arrival of someone important. 

-In the meantime, I’d like to talk to you today about the Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich.

The Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich is something that a Big Boy Writer™ like me needs in order to write. The Chicken is Chicken and also fried. However, that Chick-fil-A Sauce is to fucking die for. I would fund groups to kill gay people in Africa just to get more of that sauce. Before I eat pussy, I make sure it’s covered in Chick-fil-A® sauce. I don’t care if women find it weird and never call back, have you been eating pussy covered in Chick-fil-A® sauce? Didn’t think so.

Not to mention the amazing feeling of sticking my dick in that Chick-fil-A® sauce-covered pussy. Did you know men can taste things with their genitals? Well, they can, and I always taste Chick-fil-A® sauce. Sometimes I'll even eat a Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich with extra Chick-fil-A® sauce while fucking girls with Chick-fil-A® sauce-covered pussies, just so I can get the maximum flavor of that Chick-fil-A® sauce. It’s all I need in my life. Whenever I'm with a woman, I make them dress up as Chick-fil-A® sauce in bed. 

When I'm alone, I like to jerk off using Chick-fil-A® sauce. I’ve commissioned so many drawings of Chick-fil-A® sauce rule 34. I wouldn't suck dick, but I would gladly rub my balls all over a man's dick if it was covered in Chick-fil-A® sauce. Oh who am I kidding, I've already sucked dick covered in Chick-fil-A® sauce. It’s not gay if Chick-fil-A® sauce is involved.

-Now back to the story.

As the restaurant began slowing down, Rick walked in. He ordered five Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwiches before sitting down next to Stewie. 

“Glad you were willing *burp* to meet me here.” Rick began while unwrapping a Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich and covering it in Chick-fil-A® sauce. “Now, let's talk about the *burp* Seth MacFarlane cult.”

Stewie looked around to make sure no one was listening in.

“Yeah, I recently found out their leader is related to you… What’s up with that?” Stewie questioned, visibly skeptical.

“Don’t go thinking I’m *burp* involved in this crazy shit, I’ve been Butt *burp* fucked 3 times now because of *burp* Morty… And Family Guy.” Rick replied a bit insulted.

Stewie could see the pain in Rick's eyes. 

“My apologies, I just need to make sure. Most people nowadays are fucking insane.”

Rick chuckled a little.

“Tell me about it…” Rick takes a few moments to eat one of the Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwiches. “Now, what do you *burb* know about the cult?”

“Not much, all I know is that they have circle jerks around framed pictures of Seth MacFarlane.”

Rick looked a bit grossed out but still ate another Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich.

“What the *burp* fuck? It’s a good thing this *burp* Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich has Chick-fil-A® sauce on it, and not Mayonnaise. Otherwise, I *burp* would have gotten sicker than Phineas and Ferb, from Phineas and Ferb, when they saw Rule 34 of their sister Candace.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Phineas stared at his computer screen in horror, His innocent mind had been forever shattered at the sights before him.

“Wh-Wh-Why are Fallout Super Mutants running a train on her?!?! Super Mutants can't even reproduce!!!”

Ferb opened his mouth to speak, but instead just vomited all over Phineas, who in turn, vomited all over the room. In the panic, Phineas had accidentally turned the computer's speakers to max. 

“What are you two doing?!” Candace yelled from downstairs, while rapidly running up. “You two better not be- *gasp* YOU ARE!!!” 

Phineas and Ferb had lost the will to respond.

“MOOOOOM!!!! Phineas and Ferb are looking at my Fallout Super Mutant pooorn!!!”

“Oh please, I was doing waaay worse around your age.” Their mom replied.

Phineas and Ferb vomited again upon hearing this new knowledge. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Rick finished another Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich.

“*burp* Oh yeah that hit the *burp* spot… Now, for that *burp* information.”

Rick unwrapped another Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich. 

“Alright, so *burp* Morty has been having the members of the cult buy up every 

*burp* copy of every season of Family Guy… No idea why.”

“What? Why would they do that? I thought they were trying to ‘spread Seth MacFarlane’s message’ or something.” Stewie pondered.

 “That’s somehow not the *burp* weirdest part. Both *burp* Uncle Grandpa and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo are helping him, but they don’t *burp* seem to be part of the cult.”

Stewie didn't show it, but he was deeply disturbed by this new info.

“Did they have something to do with the cult’s formation?” Stewie asked.

Rick ate half of his Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich in one bite.

“Maybe, but can’t say for sure. Morty was *burp* already addicted to Seth MacFarlane before I *burp* even knew Uncle Grandpa existed.”

An employee came up to the two.

“Hey I’m really sorry, but we are closing soon. You two will have to leave.”

Stewie got out of his chair and wrote his phone number on a piece of notepaper.

“Stay in contact with me, Rick. I don’t care how bloody long it takes, we are going to figure this shit out.”

Rick took both the paper and another bite out of his Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich.

“Oh don’t you *burp* worry. We are going to end this shit.”

Chapter Text

Squiliam laid dead in a dumpster. As you probably guessed, Star Butterfly and Marco Mexican stood in front of this dumpster.

“Wow, he didn’t last long at all.” Star remarked, sounding disappointed.

“Yeah, and we didn’t even do anything that extreme.” Marco added.

The two checked around to make sure the coast was clear and left the scene. Their journey home was a long one, but nothing they couldn’t handle.

“You know, I don’t actually recall how long we kept him alive for.” Marco admitted.

“Hmmm… I don’t know either.” Star admitted. “I do know that it was 10 chapters though… Not sure what time frame that is.”

The two stuck to the shadows, avoiding any contact with late-night pedestrians. They got lucky because the Postal Dude was out for a walk. Why are they lucky you ask? Well because a while ago, they murder fucked Uncle Dave, The Postal Dudes Uncle. :(

“You know, we really need to find another Family Guy character.” Star suggested.

“Easier said than done.'' Marco began. “We got lucky with Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice. Any of those psychos would do far worse to us if given the chance. Just look at what Joe did to Jontron.”

CUTAWAY GAG

“AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!” Jontron cried out.

“Oh yeah!!! Gotta buttfuck fast!!!” Sonic Soniced, as he Sonic buttfucked Jon.

Off to the side, Joe was laughing his crippled legs off.

“Haha!! That’s what you get for not finishing the Sonic 06 playthrough!!” Joe began yelling. “That GameGrumps series was the happiest moment of my life! And you never gave me closure!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!” Jon cried out again, not at all listening to Joe.

“HAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah!! Weiner in butt Jon!!! WEINER IN BUTT!!!!” Sonic Soniced.

Joe continued to laugh.

“HAHAHAHA!!! After I'm done with you, I'm going after Aran next!!”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Star and Marco breathed sighs of relief as they made it to the front door of their house.

“Another successful body drop-off. I knew it would go off without a hitch.” Marco gushed.

“Yeah it did! Now let’s get inside and watch the new episode of Real Life Lolis with Jeffrey Epstein!” Star replied, quite hyped.

Walking inside, the two sat down on their couch and relaxed. Megs' dead body laid on a table. Not their table though. Her dead body was located in your house. Star and Marco are calling the police right now to frame you for the murder/rape/you’re gay.

Chapter Text

Peter and Meg and Meg and Meg were sitting on the couch, watching the newest episode of Camp Auschwitz Lazlo together. Two of the Megs were dead, so how many Megs are still alive?

A: 2

B: 1

C: 7

(The fanfic is assuming you picked the right answer)

That’s right!!! Good job you!!!

After what happened last time they watched Camp Auschwitz Lazlo, Meg decided to give the show another chance.

(Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

“Lazlo the Jew, please report to my office! A 34-year-old German woman who is also a sex offender wants to adopt you!” Adulf Lumpus the pedophile.

“Yay!!! Pedophilia is a perfectly natural thing that every first-world country should accept as normal!” Lazlo the Jew celebrated.

Meg let out an annoyed sigh.

“Dad, this is a KIDS SHOW! It’s no different from any other modern kids cartoon! You’re an adult! Stop watching kid shows!

Peter crushed the bottle of beer that was in his hand.

Meg once again immediately recognized her fuck up, but this time ran upstairs. Peter followed close behind, sounding like he was about to have a seizure. Thinking fast, Meg rushed into the bathroom and managed to lock it before Peter could get in.

“FuckFuckFuckFuck!!!!” Meg panicked, narrowly avoiding his grasp. 

Peter immediately started slamming his fists on the door, while screaming in rage. Meg and Steve-O both shuddered at what horrible fates awaited them.

“Oh no!” Steve-O began. “This is scarier than that time when Ed Edd n Eddy found out that someone kidnaped Aang the Trap!”

CUTAWAY GAG

“I DON’T CARE HOW POWERFUL YOUR BOSS IS, WE’RE NOT LETTING YOU KEEP AANG!!!” Eddy screamed into his phone, before aggressively hanging up.

Double D cowered in the corner of Eddy's room.  “Wh-What were you thinking Eddy?! Now we’re on the bad side of a SEX TRAFFICKER!!!”

“Traffic of sex. Ahahaha!” Ed joked.

“Haha! Good one Ed!” Steve-O added.

Eddy laughed a little at Double D. “Calm down sock head! Do you really think that guy was actually working for a sex trafficker? He was just-”

A car pulled up and immediately opened fire on Eddy's room.

“AHHHHHHH!!!! HIT THE FLOOR!” Eddy cried out.

Double D stayed in his corner while Eddy hid under his bed. Steve-O hid in another corner, while Ed stayed standing, somehow not getting hit at all.

“Look, Eddy!” Ed began. “They are making swiss cheese out of your room!!”

Eddy was crying, and wouldn't respond.

After a good 2 minutes, the gunshots stopped. The car sped away before anyone outside could get a good look at the drivers.

A few moments passed, till Double D and Steve-O were convinced it was safe. Eddy stayed hidden though. 

“Well…” Double D began. “Looks like it’s do or die now, fellas.” 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Peter busted down the door, immediately setting his sights on Meg. Steve-O drank a beer.

“Oh god dammit! You know, I'm getting really sick of you killing me dad!”

Peter began strangling Meg, in a similar way to how Homer-

*Door kicks open… MY FUCKING DOOR*

“What the Hell?! Why are you talking about something, not Seth Macfarlane related?!” 

Help!

“I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!”

HELP!!!

Chapter Text

Hello everyone, Morty here! We’ve got something special for you!

Warm welcome from Arthur Morgan! We, the four leaders of the Seth MacFarlane Faith are here to spread the wonders of Seth MacFarlane!

That’s right! Although I, Captain Qwark, am the best of the Faith, I guess I wouldn't have been able to fully take that weirdo writer hostage. 

I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!

*Muffled screaming in the background*

Well shit, looks like someones gonna have to go all Pulp Fiction on his ass to keep him quiet.

Haha! Yeah, I'll get this story started, while you two go shut him up.

I’ve got first dibs! My throbbing cock of justice is more than enough to bring the love of Seth MacFarlane in him!

*Spits out gag* HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHOS TALKING!? YOU CAN’T JUST USE YOUR NAMES IN THE BEGINNING AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO NOT GET CONFUSED FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER!!!

*Smack*

I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!

AHHHHHHHHH

Haha! What a dumbass! We know you guys can follow along just fine! I don’t need to tell you who’s writing this sentence right now! You guys know it is me, Morty!

-

Seth MacFarlane came home from a long day of work. He had spread the joy of Family Guy to the world, and brought everlasting peace through his amazing animations!

Feeling tired and exhausted and tired, Seth MacFarlane sat down on his couch. He took his shirt off to let his perfect body breathe. 

His body was a lovely sight, I just- I-

*Aggressive Masturbation noises.*

Woah, Morty! Ya better let me take over.

While Seth MacFarlane was brainstorming new and wonderful ideas for Family Guy or other cartoons made by him, Arthur Morgan walked in, dressed in Seth MacFarlane's favorite French Maid Outfit. 

“Welcome home Seth Sweety! How was work today?”

*Agressive orgasme noises.* Ok! I’m ready to come back!

Morty then also walked in, dressed in Seth MacFarlane’s other favorite French Maid outfit. He tried his best to hide his erection under the short maid skirt, but he just couldn't hide his love for Seth MacFarlane. 

“Oh Seth, Would you like us to-”

-

*Angry Monkey Noises*

What the hell?! Why is there a Monkey in a suit holding a little briefcase?! AND IS THAT A STAR OF DAVID NECKLESS?!

*Violent monkey beating noising*

OH SETH! THE MONKEY BROKE MY NOSE!!

What is going on in there!? I’m trying to show off why I’m the best at-

*Monkey opens his suitcase, and pulls out a UZI*

HOLY SHIT! 

*Gun Shots*

Dear Seth! That Monkey must be a lawyer! I knew this was a bad idea!

I’m Harry Potter! Do you think I want my name associated with some stupid fanfiction?! And you better not use this recording either, or I’ll cry in the shower!!!

*Sounds of panic, and Monkey firing off his UZI*

THIS ISNT GOING TO PLAN!! RUN!!

*Sounds of Monkey emptying the remainder of the UZIs clip*

*Sounds of Monkey untying something*

…Big shoutout to *reads Monkeys business card* Fanfiction user ‘a sexy monkey’ for sending this Lawyer to save me. 

Things will return to normal by the next chapter. I just need to… recover.

Chapter Text

Mort Goldman the Jew and Bruce the Gay guy were watching TV together in Bruce's apartment. The two good friends…. Oh shit, I forgot.

Mort Goldman the Jew was on his knees, bawling his eyes out. His good friend Bruce had been removed from the show, for being a gay stereotype.

“OH GOD WHY?! WHO WILL I CELEBRATE HANUKKAH WITH AND COUNT MY MONEY WITH NOW?!” Mort GOLDMAN the Jew cried.

After crying for what felt like 10 seconds, Mort Goldman the Jew began going through his friend's apartment for anything valuable. While this did not cheer him up much, at least he was making sure nothing of value went to waste. 

He would eventually come across a very nice-looking picture frame. Appon sliding the picture out, he would realize it was one of him and Bruce happily posing in the woods. This caused Mort Goldman the Jew to once again break down in tears. 

“I miss him so much! This is worse than the time when Goofy and Donald accidentally killed Sora!” 

CUTAWAY GAG

Goofy and Donald were in Sora's apartment, watching the now famous and renowned Kingdom Hearts Porno. 

“Wow! I still can't believe they got Morgan Freeman to play me!” Goofy beamed.

“Yeah, and Will Smith captured my good side!” Donald added.

As they watched Sora (The Rock) get two cocks shoved in his mouth, they soon realized something.

“Wait, where’s Sora?” Goofy asked while looking over at the wall clock. “Doesn't he usually get out of work at 8:00 pm?” 

“Micky probably made him work overtime again,” Donald suggested. “And Sora never turns down overtime pay…”

“Oh… Wait!” Goofy stood up. “We should set up a prank for Sora when he gets back!”

“Yeah!” Donald also stood up.

The two spent the next hour setting up a super funny prank. Soon, the time had come. Goofy noticed Sora walking up. 

“He’s here! Quick, find somewhere to hide!” 

The two hid, and the door was opened. As Sora walked in, a dildo launcher fired at him. The dildo went down his throat, choking him to death. 

Donald and Goofy came out of hiding. Only to discover that Sora was now dead. 

“BHHAAAAAHHH! We Killed-” Goofy covered Donalds' beak.

“Shhhhh! Not so loud.” 

Goofy pulled Sora's body in and closed the apartment door. After pulling the dildo out, the two would sit back down to brainstorm ideas. Unfortunately for them, someone else was at the door. 

“Oh no! It’s Kairi!” Goofy panicked, looking out the window. 

As Donald was about to panic, a sudden memory from their last movie night came flooding back. “Wait! Let’s just Weekend at Bernie's his body!”

Goofy does a little dance. “Donald, you're a genius!!” 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Mort Goldman the Jew had accumulated a nice large bag full of stuff. Before leaving, he gave one last look around the place. 

“I never thought it would end like this…”

Mort Goldman the Jew would leave to go pawn all the items off.

Chapter Text

Fan Boy and Chum Chum were sitting in their parked van in a really shitty village town, being stalked by 2D and Noodle. Word had spread that the two boys’ Meth Empire was no more, and Clank wanted confirmation. 2D and Noodle were more than happy to help the little robot. 

Noodle couldn't help but chuckle at the sight before them. “Seriously? An old van? That's what their ‘Meth Empire’ has been reduced to?” 

“It’s like an Ice Cream Truck… With Meth.” 2D joked. 

The two shared a laugh, but quickly covered each other's mouths when they noticed the two boys getting out of their van. Looking around, Noodle saw Naked Peter and Sans walking up to the van. 

“Oh shit.” Noodle began. “Looks like a drug deal is about to go down.”

Fan Boy and Chum Chum approached the couple. The two boys had bags of Meth on them, but no visible weapons. 

Fan Boy flashed a few gang signs, in an attempt to look tough. “You two here for the ‘special deal’?”

Sans laughed a little. “Yeah, something like that.” 

Sans reached into his jacket, pulling out a pipe wrench. Peter swiftly socked Fan Boy in the face. Before Chum Chum could even think to react, Sans whacked him in the jaw. 2D and Noodle struggled to contain their laughter. 

Fan Boy attempted to get up but was whacked by Sans. Peter repeatedly kicked Chum Chum while he was freaking out on the ground. 

Sans, letting his rage take over, started repeatedly whacking Fan Boys' legs. “You bastards think you can just try and sell Meth to our daughter? Well, now your in for a bad time!” 

Fan Boy was crying at this point. “Why?! We sold Meth to you before! You know we would never sell bad stuff to your daughter!” 

Peter continued kicking Chum Chum. “No, you sold Meth to Meth Head Peter… and he overdosed on it!!!”

The loving couple continued the brutal beating and only stopped when the would-be Meth Dealers stopped reacting. Fan Boy was conscious but couldn't move his legs, while Chum Chum was barely conscious. Everything around them was covered in blood. Including the loving couple. 

Sans looked around in shock. “We should probably get out of here.”

The loving couple ran off, leaving Fan Boy and Chum Chum vulnerable to whatever might happen. Or, who might happen… That who being 2D and Noodle. 

2D walked up to the boys while taking his pants off. “Well well well, look what this ‘Meth Empire’ has been reduced to.” 

Fan Boy looked fucking terrified. “You!? Oh no, this can't be happening!!!” 

Noodle followed behind while putting a razorwire-covered strap-on… on. “Look how helpless you two are… You're more helpless than XJ9 when she got stuck.”

CUTAWAY GAG

“Help! I bent over to grab something behind the couch, and now I’m stuck!!!” XJ9 cried out. 

Within seconds, Scout from TF2 appeared behind XJ9. “Ohh ho ho yeah! Now’s my opportunity!” 

“O-Opportunity? Who are you?” XJ9 asked. 

Scout put his hands around her waist. He licked his lips and… Helped get her unstuck. 

XJ9 was a little confused for a moment, before realizing that the stranger had indeed helped her. “Wow! Thank you so much?” 

Scout gave a proud smile. “No problem! Always happy to help.”

XJ9 hugged him but looked a little confused once she broke the hug. A few questions had come to her mind, but only one stood out. 

“What did you mean when you said ‘now’s my opportunity'?” She asked. 

Scout laughed a little. “Opportunity to make a good first impression. Wanted to start out on a good note with Engineers daughter.” 

This warmed XJ9s heart. “Aww, that means so much!” 

She couldn't help but hug Scout again. 

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

2D and Noodle stood in silence, both looked confused and disappointed. Fan Boy Attempted to use this opportunity to crawl away, assuming something terrible would happen at any moment… And he would be proven right as 2D angrily looked down at Chum Chum.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DIDN’T HE RAPE HER!?!?!?”

2D angrily started beating on Chum Chums' body. If he hadn't already died from his injuries, then he was surely dead now. 

Fan Boy, knowing his time had come, was ready to embrace his death. He knew their sins would catch up to them one day, and now Death was there to collect. Well, he did for a moment, until Noodle started ripping his pants off. 

“I’M SO FUCKING ANGRY!!” Noodle raged. “FIND A PILLOW TO BITE, BECAUSE THIS IS NOW A HATE PEGGING!!!”

Fan Boy was flipped on his stomach and was violently penetrated by Noodles Razor Wire strap-on. 

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH”

Chapter Text

News had spread quickly of the particularly brutal murders of Fan Boy and Chum Chum. Channel 5 news had been running a story about the brutal event since it happened. They predictably denied 2D and Noodles involvement, due to them being celebrities. Instead, blaming it on a deal that had gone badly, and Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice burning down the boys' Meth Lab at the town’s library… Which was sorta half true. 

Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland sat in the Drunken Clam. The death of their local Meth ring was the main topic of the day, and it wasn't a happy one for everyone besides Peter. Joe in particular was especially pissed.

“Dammit!” Joe slammed his fists on the table. “They were the only ones willing to sell to cops!”

Peter took a sip of his beer. “Doesn't Clank still sell to you? I’m sure he could hook you up with Meth.”

Joe broke down in tears. His crying could be heard throughout the bar. Quagmire threw his beer bottle against a wall, startling the other bar patrons. 

“They never would have died if it wasn't for Brian the Dog with Seth MacFarlane’s voice! Where the fuck are we supposed to get our Meth from now?!” 

Cleveland was getting progressively more pissed. “ What the fuck guys?! Did yall forget those two bastards killed me?!” 

Horace, the bartender, approached the table. “Can you guys keep it down? No one wants to listen to you guys yell about Meth.”

The three friends looked around the bar, while Joe continued to cry. The bar patrons all looked either confused or annoyed… or both. While Quagmire and Cleveland didn't give a shit, Peter most definitely did. 

“*Sigh* I’m sorry, they are just…” Peter stared at Horace for a moment, confused and bewildered. “Wait, aren't you dead?” 

“Yeah, I was.” Horace began. “But after Jerome was murdered, someone had to run this place.”

Horace returned to his bartender duties. Everyone was still staring at them. 

Quagmire and Cleveland glared at Peter, while Joe continued to cry. Peter was understandably confused.

“What? Why are you guys looking at me like that?” 

Quagmire stood up. “We have every right to be pissed off!!!”

Cleveland broke his bottle over the table. “Yeah, Dickhead!!!”

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “This must be how Eustace Bagge felt when he guest-starred on South Park.”

CUTAWAY GAG

Gerald Broflovski and A mentally retarded person were having a thought-provoking and complex political debate in the Broflovskis living room. The other person was retarded because their opinions were wrong, and you should feel bad if you agree with them.

Gerald was enraged by how bad the retarded person’s opinions were. “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO THE PEOPLE AND DISAGREE WITH ME!! DON’T YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH?!?!?”

The camera panned over, revealing the person to be Tommy the Wizard, dressed as Batman. “I Batman!!!!” Tommy happily exclaimed, while throwing his arms in the air. 

“NO, YOU ARE NOT!!!” Gerald screamed. “AND DO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE DRESSED IN ALL BLACK?!?! THE NAZIS™!!!!!” Gerald flipped the living room table. “I HAD FAMILY THAT WAS IN THE HOLOCAUST, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!!!!”

“...I BATMAN!!!!” Tommy once again exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.

“GHHHAAAHHHH!!!!” Gerald marched up to Eustace's chair and took a shit on it. “THIS IS A REPRESENTATION OF HOW THE NAZIS™ TREATED JEWS!!!”

Eustace Bagge walked in, immediately smelling the shit. “Ewww! What’s that-” He notices the shit, and Gerald still squatting over the chair. “What was that for?!?!”

Gerald turned to face Eustace. “WE ARE HAVING A COMPLEX DEBATE, AND YOUR CHAIR WAS JUST CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE!!!” Gerald got in his face. “IF YOU DON’T LIKE THAT, THEN YOU’RE A NAZI™!!!”

Eustace grumbled to himself and turned around to dress himself up in a Nazi™ SS uniform. “Oooga booga booga!!”

Gerald stumbled back in fear. “AHHHHHHHHH!!!!” 

Gerald ran outside, completely forgetting he was naked from the waist down. Eustace was especially proud of this handy work. He had grown so used to scaring Courage, that scaring a grown man felt very fulfilling. 

“Ehh ha ha ha ha! Ehhhh ha ha ha ha!!”

“I BATMAN!!!!” Tommy once again exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Quagmire and Cleveland were screaming at random people in the bar. Joe was still crying, and Peter had made it very apparent he wasn't getting involved anymore. Cleveland had been antagonizing a biker gang, while Quagmire was screaming at a table full of older patrons. 

Just as the older patrons were about to start yelling back, Trevor Philips and Aran Ryan walked in. Aran was holding a rope, that had BFs dead and beaten body tied to the end of it. 

Trevor cleared his throat. “Gooooood evening everyone! My Irish friend here and I are happy to announce that we are selling Meth!!” 

Aran pulled out 6 bags of Meth. “We have six bags to sell right now! Half off special!!”

Quagmire and Joe both looked over and excitedly approached. Each of them pulled out wads of money, not caring about how much they might be spending.

Quagmire was the first to make it up to them. “I’ll take two!!”

Joe rolled up a few seconds later. “I’ll take four!!”

Peter happily watched the drug deal, taking a sip of his beer. “Well look at that, the problem fixed itself.”

“AHHH!! GUYS, HELP ME!!” Cleveland cried out, as he was thrown to the ground by the biker gang.

Peter looked over at him for a moment, before swiftly deciding to let things play out. “Ehh, he’ll probably be fine.”

Peter continued drinking his beer, as the biker gang began beating on Cleveland. Joe and Quagmire did Meth on the spot, laughing and hugging each other. Trevor and Aran also did some Meth, to celebrate their first sale in Quahog.

Chapter Text

Naked Peter and Sans were upstairs in their bedroom, playing a game of hotdog invasion.

(Steve-O was also there, but he was added last minute, so he won't have any lines for a bit.)

Naked Peter threw a hotdog up in the air, watching in excitement as it came crashing down on one of Sans Lego™ Buildings. “Uh Oh, HOTDOG!” Peter exclaimed. 

Sans giggled a little. “You Warcriminal, you took out my hospital!” 

Naked Peter laughed like a stereotypical cartoon villain. “That’s right! What are you going to do about it?!” 

Sans narrowed his eyes, focusing on Peter's Warlord building. (No, I won't explain the rules of this game) “You’re in for a baaaad time.”

A look of horror shot across Naked Peter's face. “You- You wouldn't!” 

Sans grabbed a hotdog with his karma magic thing. “Watch me.” Sans launched the hotdog at the well-built Lego™ structure, obliterating it in an epic Lego™ explosion. 

Naked Peter fell to his knees. “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” With a cry of anguish, Peter was defeated…

“Looks like I win.” Sans added.

Peter stared down in defeat, before breaking out into laughter. “Holy Cow, that was an epic game!”

Sans shared a laugh with Peter. “Yeah! Never would have guessed!” 

A sudden knock at the door would take their attention. “Dads, is it safe for me to come in?”

Naked Peter and Sans look around at their Lego™ and hotdog-covered room. 

“Yeah but err-” Sans began. “You might be a little confused by the mess.”

Peter got to his feet while covering himself with a blanket. “Nothing dirty though, just Legos™ and hotdogs.”

Natsuki opens the door, looks around at the floor. “Ohhh, you’re playing hotdog invasion! It’s been all over the internet.”

Natsuki steped inside, taking special precautions while walking. It was actually quite tame when compared to some of the videos she had seen.

Sans was visibly embarrassed, so Peter decided to initiate the conversation. “What’s on your mind sweety?”

“Well…” Natsuki blushed a little. “Since those two Meth dealers were murdered, the school is hosting a concert. Steve asked me on a date and… well, I said yes.”

Sans snaped out of his embarrassment. “That’s great! I-... Wait, what two dead Meth Dealers?”

“Those two guys that tried to sell to me. Natsuki began.

Naked Peter gulped. 

“Apparently some gangsters brutalized them. One of them even got pegged with a razor-wire strap-on.” 

A wave of relief washed over the couple. 

“Good, they had it coming… Though that’s a messed up way to die.” Sans finished. 

“Very!” Natsuki added. “But anyway, are you guys cool with me staying out a bit longer tonight? I don’t know how long the concert will go till.”

Naked Peter smiled. “Of course sweety. Please be safe, and have fun.”

“Yeah, we’ll leave the door unlocked for you.” Sans added. 

Natsuki beamed, as she hugged her fathers. “Oh thank you! Thank you so much! You guys are the best!” Natsuki broke the hug and began making her way out. “If they sell merchandise, i'll try and get you guys something cool!” 

Once Natsuki was gone, the loving couple stared happily at each other. Their little girl was growing up, and they couldn't be prouder. 

“We did it, Sans. We raised her right.” Peter gushed.

“Haha, yeah we sure did.” Sans replied.

In the corner of the room, Steve-O had finished the Lego™ buildings. Just in time for another round of hotdog invasion. 

“I sure hope Natsuki has fun at the High School Concert. Can’t be any worse than the Equestria High Lil Dicky Concert.” 

CUTAWAY GAG

The entirety of Equestria High was in attendance for the Lil Dicky Concert being held in the school auditorium. Human world Pinkie Pie and friends (Including Sunset Shimmer of course) and Steve-O were pumped and ready for a good time. 

Pinkie Pie in particular looked hyped as fuck. “HELL YEAH!!! I told you, girls and Steve-O, that I’d score us front row seats!”

Despite sitting in said front row seats, Twilight was quite skeptical. “I’d still like to know how you got such good seats on short notice. Even in advance, seats like these-”

Rainbow Dash snorted some Coke. “GHHAAAAAHHHH!!! OH GOD, THAT HURTS!!!” 

Oh did I say Coke? It was actually Meth that the dealer lied and said was coke. 

Apple Jack shook her head in a disapproving manner. “Dangit, thats the third time this week. Yall need to find better dealers.”

Rainbow was already beginning to tweek. “ARAN SAID IT WAS IRISH COKE!!!!”

“Yeah sure, everyone just ignore me…” Twilight complained to herself.

Steve-O looked disappointed. “Why would you bring drugs like that here?” Steve-O pulled a freshly packed bong and three six-packs out from his school backpack. “Don’t you know by now I’m always prepared for a fun time?” 

Fluttershy's eyes lit up as she stared at the bong. “Yay! Weed makes the voices stop screaming!” 

Steve-O handed her the bong, along with a lighter. Almost immediately, she started aggressively taking hits from it. 

“Darling, you are such a fiend!” Rarity insulted. 

Apple Jack grabbed one of the Beers. “Ehh, let the girl have her fun. Yall know how she gets when sober for too long.”

Rarity sighed and grabbed one of the beers. “Yes yes I know, but-”

Rarity watched in horror as Pinkie drank three beers at once, then took the bong from Fluttershy. “FUCK YEAH!!! LET’S GET FUCK UUUUP!!!” 

Pinkie took a hit that lasted 10 seconds, burning the remaining weed. Sunset watched on in disgust and slight concern.

“God, can’t you all have fun without some kinda narcotic?”

Pinkie Pie exhaled an exceptional amount of smoke. “Nope *Violent coughing*.”

Fluttershy took the bong back, then turned to Steve-O with puppy dog eyes. “Can you pleeeeaaaase repack this? I’ll suck your Weiner.”

“Woah, no need for that.” Steve-O repacked the bong. “Anyone else want some before I give it back to Fluttershy?”

At first, no one took up the offer. Then out of fucking nowhere, Twilight took the bong. Everyone gasped at once, especially Sunset Shimmer. 

“Twilight! You’ve been clean your entire life.”

Steve-O wanted to chime in but was too busy drinking a beer.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Right, ‘clean’. I haven't taken my Adderall today, and I don’t want to be a bitch all night, ok?!”

Everyone watched on as Twilight struggled to hit the bong. She grew more and more pissed with each failed it. Fluttershy eventually lost her patience. 

“Stop! You’re just burning the weed!” 

Twilight refused to give up. “I’ve *failed hit* almost *failed hit* got-” Twilight takes another hit, but exhaled some smoke this time. “...So that’s how you do it!”

Twilight took a long hit that was clearly painful for her. She started coughing her lungs out before she finished her hit. Tears had formed in her eyes as she continued to cough.

This was enough to make Steve-O worry. “Woah, I think you’re done.” 

Steve-O attempted to take the bong, but Fluttershy swiped it before he can. “Yeah she is, but I’m not!”

As Fluttershy started hitting the bong again, Rainbow Dash tweeked her way over to Steve-O's backpack while licking her lips. Her mouth looked dryer than a 50-year-old lesbian with blown-out dopamine receptors. Without asking, the unintentional Methhead grabbed 4 beers. 

“Wow, I have such bad dry mouth. I mean I mean I mean wow! LikeIjustreallyneedthesebeersso-” She opened two by smacking them against each other, cracking the bottles a little. “Bottoms up!!!”

Rainbow Dash downed the bottles faster than even Steve-O could… Well, sober Steve-O, but still. 

Sunset Shimmer paid no attention, as she was more concerned with Twilight. Her purple friend was clearly way too high, as she was in the process of strangling Trixie, who had been seated behind them. 

Sunset was momentarily stunned, before snapping out of her trance. “Tw-Twilight no!!!” 

Twilight continued the assault on Trixie's neck. (No, not in that way you sick fuck)

“YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON I WANTED TO SEE HERE!!!”

As Sunset got ready to interview, the auditorium lights slowly dimmed. Over the intercom, a booming voice could be heard.

“And now, it’s time for LIL DICKYYYYYY!!!!!!”

Twilight let go of Trixie, sitting back down in anticipation. “Finally! Hopefully, my HIGHER spirits will allow me to enjoy the show! Haha, higher.”

Pinkie grabbed the bong. “Yeah! That’s the spirit Twilight!” 

The lights on the stage all turned on, as Personality by Lil Dicky played. Lil Dicky came running out shortly after, causing the crowd of students to cheer. With a microphone in his hand, Lil Dicky got ready to start the show.

“Hey! I’m Lil Dicky! Haha, get it? Dick that’s little!” The music came to a stop. “Haha, white guy with little dick! Rappers aren't like that! Haha!”

The crowd of students stopped cheering. 

“You all ready for a fun show?!” Lil Dicky asked.

Tweeker Drunk Dash stared tweekerly at Lil Dicky. “Is this really happening?! Or did I go too far this time!?” 

Sunset didn’t feel like dealing with a paranoid Methhead. “No Dash, this is really happening.”

Lil Dicky cleared his throat. “You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out, you put your right leg in and you shake it all about.” Lil Dicky put his hands behind his head, while pelvic thrusting. “You do the Lil Dicky and you shake your lil dicky all around. That’s what it's all about!!”

Everyone in the auditorium was stunned. No one knew how to react, they could only stay seated as the strange event played out before them.

Rarity was the only one who stood up in protest. “What the fuck is this?!” 

Lil Dicky crossed his arm in disapproval. “Security! We have a potty mouth!”

A security guard walked up to Rarity and tasered her. She blacked out and fell back into her chair, much to the joy of Lil Dicky.

“Sweet! Now let's get back to the show!” 

Tweeker Drunk Dash freaked out, and tweeker drunk attacked the guard. She put up a good fight but was eventually tasered by the guard. Her tweeker drunk rage prevented her from going down the first teaser, but the second one brought her down.

Steve-O let out a sigh of disappointment. “And here I thought this was going to be fun…”

“We are having fun!” Lil Dicky yelled. “In fact, I want the fan who is having the most fun to come up here!”

To the shock of the remaining Main 6 and friends, Tim the Bear, former character with Seth Macfarlane's voice, started making his way up. He was laughing near uncontrollably, only stopping every so often to say “dick that’s little!” out loud.

Fluttershy looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown. “Oh- oh no… The talking Bear! He’s making the voices come back!” 

Apple Jack smacked Fluttershy. “Just shut the fuck up already!”

Tim the Bear stepped on stage. “I’m a talking bear, and a Christian who smokes a lot!”

Lil Dicky started laughing. “Yeah! And I’m a White Jewish rapper with a lil dicky! Haha! Dick that’s little!”

“Hoho yes! Little Dicky! And my son is a pothead! Haha! Get it? I’m Christian and have a pothead for a son!”

“Haha! I’m Lil Dicky! Haha, dick that’s little! I’m not like other rappers!”

Twilight sunk into her seat. “Oh, non-existent God! How long is this concert again?” 

Sunset let out a long sigh. “Two hours…”

Tim the Bear pulled out a picture of Seth Macfarlane. “Seth Macfarlane stopped voicing me after 2 seasons!”

Lil Dick continued to laugh. “Hahahaha!!! Talking Bear!!! And Little Dicky!!!”

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Lego™ Buildings had once again filled the floor. Steve-O watched on excitedly as Naked Peter and Sans prepared for round two. 

Peter held his hotdog in anticipation. “Ready?” 

Sans chuckled a little. “Heck yeah.”

The two threw their hotdogs at the same time. 

“UH OH! HOTDOG!”

Chapter Text

Peter and Meg were sat on the couch, once again watching Camp Auschwitz Lazlo together. This time though, Peter had already killed Meg using wine the Federal Government poisoned to show how dangerous drinking is. He knew she had shit taste in cartoons. 

The episode opened with Lazlo the Jew walking up to his friend Raj the Jew. “Good morning! Isn’t it such a wonderful day outside?”

Raj looked to be on the verge of tears. “No, you psychopath! Clam the Slav is dead because of you!” 

Lazlo gave a friendly chuckle in response. “Well, he shouldn’t have tried to convince the others to ‘escape’ this wonderful camp.” 

Before Raj could respond, his throat was suddenly slit by Lazlo’s new 34-year-old German Mother who was also a sex offender. She then proceeded to molest his dead body while Lazlo happily watched. 

“Yay!!! Mommy touches me like that all the time!!” 

Peter was laughing hysterically at the children's show. “HAHAHA!!! Wow! This might be the craziest episode yet!” Peter stood up, then sat down again. “This might even be crazier than that time when Rick was yet again buttfucked by Uncle Grandpa!”

CUTAWAY GAG

Rick was in his garage, frantically looking over all the information about the Seth MacFarlane cult he has while eating a Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich. Though the cult's attacks seemed random on a surface level, Rick knew there had to be more going on.

“What the fuck are *burp* you doing Morty?!” Rick takes a bite out of his Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich. “None of the other *burp* Morty’s ever did anything this *burp* fucking insane!”

As Rick finished ranting to himself, Uncle Grandpa's RV crashed through the garage door. Rick was ready this time though and pressed a button on his desk. Portals opened inside the garage, with giant asses coming out of those portals. 

Rick took another bite out of his Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich. “Let’s see you *burp* buttfuck THESE asses you *burp* weird freak!”

The asses all pooped out acidic shit all over the RV, melting it into a shitty metal goo pile. Rick and the asses waited a few moments, watching the shitty metal goo pile slowly diminish into a smaller and smaller sludge, leaving only shit behind. 

The asses would assume victory, and began dancing around in celebration. Rick was disgusted by the gross sight of it all, but faked enthusiasm for the heroic asses… That was until-

“Naa, I just need to buttfuck YOU, Rick.” Uncle Grandpa declared while stepping through the newly made hole in the garage door.

The asses all panicked, running back through the portals. With his allies in ass gone, Rick finished his Chick-fil-A® Chicken Sandwich and pulled a plasma pistol out.

“Why are you *burp* helping that Cult?!”

Uncle Grandpa laughed like a supervillain nigga. “You’re in no position to be asking questions, ‘Smartest Man in the Universe’!” 

Uncle Grandpa began slowly walking towards Rick, clearly unintimidated. Rick opened fire on the absolute unit that was Uncle Grandpa. The shots sadly had no effect, and only managed to burn Uncle Grandpas’ clothes, stripping him naked.

“Thanks! Now I don’t have to waste time undressing!” Uncle Grandpa gloated.

Rick dropped his gun and ran into the house. Inside, Jerry was crying while jerking off to erotic gross furry art of Beth, that he had commissioned poor third-world artists to draw. 

“*Aggressive Crying* I MISS BETH!!!”

Rick was momentarily stunned by the pathetic sight. “Dammit! I *burp* forgot Beth died!” 

Uncle Grandpa blew the door open, sending Rick flying across the house. Rick would end up with the top half of his body stuck in a wall. 

“FUCK FUCK *burp* FUCK!” Rick raged in panic. “Jerry! Help *burp* me!” 

Jerry continued to masturbate, ignoring Rick’s cries for help. 

“FUCK YOU JERRY!!! *burp* FU-”

Uncle Grandpa DBZ teleported behind Rick, and shoved his massive cock in Rick's ass, penetrating through Rick's pants.

“-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!!” Rick finished.

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

The episode came to an end. Peter was a little sad, but still grateful for the wonderful experiences the episode brought him. 

“Haha! Wow Meg, wasn’t that great?” Peter asked Megs' dead body.

“Dad, it’s a KIDS SHOW!” Megs' dead body angrily replied. “Why can’t we at least watch something not made for 7-year-olds?”

Haha! Just kidding, she’s fucking dead, she can't talk. 

Peter, satisfied with Megs' silence, decided to watch a rerun of Camp Auschwitz Lazlo.

Chapter Text

A violent gang war had broken out on Spooner Street. On one side, Clanks Heroin Cartel was rapidly opening fire, not caring about whatever was caught in the crossfire. On the other side, the Ballas from GTA San Andreas were returning fire. 

During the heat of the battle, one of Clank's goons hid behind a car and called Clank. Despite their overwhelming aggression, the Ballas were steadily gaining ground. The goon knew something was up.

*ring* *ring* *ring* *ring* “Yes?” Clank finally answered. “I still hear gunshots in the background, why are you calling me right now?”

Ratchet, who was standing close by, was a bit stunned. “Dude, you are gonna die SO fast if you don’t hang up soon.”

“Somethings wrong boss!” The Goon replied. “Why are these Ballas so strong, I thought Big Fuck was dead!”

Clank at first assumed his goons were not up to standard and were just being sloppy. “What do you mean when you say ‘strong’?”

“Organized.” The Goon began. “They are using police and SWAT tactics.”

A flashbang went off in the background. The Goon ran for better cover, as approaching gunfire could be heard. 

Clank started tapping his fingers nervously, clearly processing the severity of the situation. 

Ratchet took the phone from Clank, sensing his worry. “Are they using SWAT gear too?! Are those even Ballas?!”

The Goon took a moment to respond. “I don’t know now. fucking SWAT units just pulled up. Something's wrong…”

Clank took the phone back. “You need to get out of there! Or this will be a worse massacre than that time when Mr. Krabs Colonized the Candy Kingdom.”

CUTAWAY GAG

The Citizens of the Candy Kingdom cried out in fear as Mr. Krabs hired colonists captured the various candy people. He and Spongebob laughed together as the citizens' world came crashing down on them. 

“Dahahaha!!” Spongebob laughed. “I can’t believe they thought we were ‘liberating’ them!”

“I told ya, boy, I have experience in these things.” Mr. Krabs smugly replied. 

The two watch as Squidward commanded a group of colonists to burn down a build. A large group of candy people came running out, immediately getting captured.

A tear of joy rolled down Spongebobs face. “Squidward sure has come a long way! And to think, he didn't even want to come along when we first started.”

Mr. Krabs laughed in response. “I offered him a week's paid vacation after we were finished here.

Spongebob began laughing alongside Mr. Krabs. As they laughed, more and more candy people were captured. After a few moments of laughing, the two slowly came to a stop.

“Uhh, Mr. Krabs.” Spongebob began. “Where did we store Princess Bubble Gum? I have the urge to ‘colonize’.” 

Mr. Krabs patted him on the back. “You've earned it boy! She’s in the western sex dungeon, cell 345.”

Spongebob happily ran off, ready to do the Gummy Sponge

END OF CUTAWAY GAG

Before the Goon could respond, the call was suddenly cut. Loud static boomed from the phone, causing Clank to drop it on the ground. 

“Ghhaa!” Ratchet yelled. “What the hell was that?!”

As Clank began brainstorming, the static suddenly cleared.

“Cocksuckas!” An aggressive black man's voice yelled from the phone. “You dumb fucks actually thought that fat fuck was in charge?! You basic gangbangas haven't seen shit yet!” 

The call ended, and the phone short circuits. Ratchet and Clank both struggled to put their confusion and worry into words. One thing was certain though…

“Ratchet, this is going to be harder than anticipated.” Clank stated.