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Hold You Like Before

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Chisato would never admit it out loud, however she was quite the cuddle bug.

Whenever Kaoru would teasingly point it out, Chisato would blush and deny such a thing. However the truth was that Chisato was very clingy and adored being curled up around her tall and pretty girlfriend. 

When the two were in a less public space Chisato always made an effort to cling to Kaoru’s arm and rest her head against the taller girl’s shoulder. In absolute private Chisato tended to hug Kaoru from behind, nuzzling her face into the back of Kaoru’s neck. While sitting on the couch Chisato always ended up cuddling up besides Kaoru, usually with her arms wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist. Other times Chisato would find herself on Kaoru’s lap or with Kaoru’s arms held around her. 

The best part, however, was when Kaoru and Chisato took naps together. Chisato always found herself dozing off with Kaoru holding her close. When Chisato’s head was resting against Kaoru’s chest, she enjoyed hearing the steady thump of Kaoru’s heartbeat and feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Sometimes Kaoru would fall asleep first, and Chisato took the opportunity to sneak glances at Kaoru’s sleeping face -- which Chisato liked looking at a lot. 

Kaoru would also cradle Chisato from behind, which Chisato also loved. Kaoru would always bury her nose in Chisato’s hair when she did so, and Chisato also liked that she was able to hold Kaoru’s hands in this position. Another perk was that Kaoru didn’t have to see how hard Chisato would blush as she was held. The embarrassment of Kaoru seeing Chisato in such a flustered state would be terribly overwhelming.

Chisato and Kaoru holding each other was not necessarily a new thing, in fact it was quite common to them. As children Kaoru and Chisato held hands often and spent many summer afternoons sleeping with each other, usually with Kaoru’s arms drowsily clinging to Chisato’s body. It was actually Kaoru who was the clingy one when the couple was younger. Kaoru always wanted to hold Chisato’s hand when walking to the park or through the school hallways. If Kaoru found herself in a situation where she felt scared or uncomfortable, the child immediately went to cling onto Chisato’s arm.

Being held by Kaoru was something that Chisato could never get enough of, however sometimes she desired to hold Kaoru in the way they had before…

Sometimes Chisato’s mind would drift off into silly and indulgent fantasies of her having Kaoru sleeping softly against her chest. Chisato would hold Kaoru as she nuzzled against her body. She’d look down and ogle at Kaoru’s peacefully sleeping face and perhaps, once Kaoru was completely asleep, Chisato would place a tender kiss on Kaoru’s forehead. 

But Kaoru had gone through a growth spurt that far surpassed Chisato’s, leading to Kaoru being much taller than she was. As a result, Chisato being able to cradle Kaoru like the small girl she was in their younger years was quite difficult and never really considered. Chisato didn’t mind that much, but at the same time…she would like to be the one holding Kaoru for once. 

Chisato had wanted to suggest the idea for a while now, but every time she was either too embarrassed or too comfortable cuddling against Kaoru to say anything. This time, however, Chisato planned to finally make her desires known. 

 

It was after school and Kaoru had come over to Chisato’s house. The couple had found an afternoon where the both of them were free and decided to spend some downtime together. Kaoru and Chisato were not the kind of couple to go on public dates often for two main reasons: both were very public figures, and they were also just far too busy and exhausted to go on elaborate dates on their days off. As a result, the couple spent most of their alone time locked in their rooms, chatting away and perhaps nibbling on some snacks while watching a movie. Of course they eventually found themselves either cuddling and sneaking in a few kisses, until one of the girls either fell asleep or had to go home.

This time was no different. Kaoru came over and spent a good ten minutes greeting and playing with Chisato’s dog until the couple decided to head to Chisato’s room. For some reason Chisato began to feel terribly anxious, which made absolutely no sense. It’s not like what she was going to ask was a big deal, right? It was just cuddling after all...they had done it so many times before, this time was only going to be a little different. But nonetheless, Chisato’s heart had begun beating rapidly as soon as she had shut the door behind her and Kaoru. It had soon occurred to her that making her special request might be a little harder than initially thought.

“I watched the pilot episode of that drama you were casted in, Chisato.” Kaoru began casually as she took a seat on Chisato’s bed, “It was really nice! The character you were casted in was very cool.”

“Mhm…” Chisato nodded her head absent-mindedly. Her eyes were focused on the spot next to where Kaoru was sitting. Naturally she would just sit there, however something caused Chisato to just stand dumbly instead.

“...Chisato?” Kaoru asked perplexedly after a few long seconds of awkward silence, “Is everything alright?”

The blonde blinked rapidly and snapped herself out of her daze, “Of course! Why wouldn’t things be?”

“Your eyes were incredibly focused on the bed.” 

“I just zoned off I guess.” Chisato went dismissively and then quickly took a seat next to Kaoru, the tips of her ears feeling slightly hot. Why did she have to zone out like that? 

Kaoru seemed to have not let Chisato’s behavior affect her that much, because as soon as Chisato sat down she had picked up the conversation from where it had left off.

“Anyways, I think the plot to that show is quite interesting,” Kaoru began, “I always enjoy it when morally questionable characters play the main role, and you do a very good job at performing that kind of character…”

Chisato watched Kaoru and listened to her talk as the nervousness began to bubble up more and more in Chisato’s chest. Chisato always loved hearing Kaoru talk about the things she was passionate about, and it was especially touching when she put so much thought into the roles and stories Chisato would play in. Kaoru looked very cute when she’d talk so excitedly about what she liked; Her eyes would gleam in an eager and innocent way, and the cheerful grin Kaoru wore was all the more adorable. Chisato also felt herself blush when Kaoru’s voice softened as she talked about Chisato. Every time Kaoru mentioned Chisato and her acting it was always showered with that same praise that Kaoru gave Chisato when she was younger. Chisato would never say it out loud, but it flustered her greatly when she thought about just how much Kaoru really looked up to her. Chisato didn’t deserve to have somebody as bright and talented as Kaoru admire her, and yet here Kaoru was, smiling and blushing as she went on about Chisato’s performances. 

Ugh, I want to kiss her so bad… 

“Ch-Chisato…?”

“Hmm?” Had she spaced out again?

Kaoru’s slightly concerned expression turned into a smile and a little bit of laughter, “Are you sure nothing is on your mind? You keep on zoning out.”

“Am I?” Chisato’s eyes fluttered and she gave an awkward grin. Goddamnit.

Kaoru giggled again, “You clearly are. Is there something you need to tell me? Or perhaps, you have gotten too entrapped in my dashing beauty.” Kaoru winked, and Chisato’s brows immediately furrowed.

“You know what? You’re right.” Chisato crossed her arms and smirked, “Your face was looking just so adorable that I couldn’t help but think about how badly I just want to kiss you, Kao-chan.”

“Oh--” Kaoru's eyes widened, slightly taken aback. Her cheeks went a little red and she averted her eyes, clearly not expecting Chisato to willingly go along with her playful flirtation. 

This reaction caused Chisato to let out a hearty laugh. Through her laughter Chisato felt herself relax a little. She leaned in close to Kaoru and placed a light kiss on her cheek. Kaoru smiled and blushed at the gesture.

“Hey, Kao-chan? Is it okay if I ask you something?”

“Of course, my love.” Kaoru took Chisato’s hand and intertwined her fingers with her lover’s. She lifted Chisato’s hand and gave it a kiss, “You may ask me anything.”

Chisato sighed and rested her head against Kaoru’s shoulder. She struggled to find the right words of what she wanted to say. No matter how much Chisato ran through the conversation in her head it always turned out so awkward. For a moment Chisato considered just letting things go and going for it another day, but…

“Would it be alright if I held you?”

Chisato felt Kaoru’s head turn to look down at her, “Of course. You hold me all the time.”

Chisato shook her head, “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s like…” She trailed off, feeling herself begin to blush, “You’re taller, so that means you’re the one whose holding me. But I wanted to try holding you…”

Kaoru was quiet for a small moment, then she seemed to understand.

“Oh, I see.”

“Like, it’s probably really silly but,” Chisato’s fingers picked at the end of her skirt as she started to ramble, “You know how we were little and you were much smaller? And I could cradle you and hold you close like that...I wanted to do it again, even if you’re much bigger and I’m only a third of your size.” She huffed, “Honestly, it’d probably be really uncomfortable in the end, so this is honestly probably really stupid--”

“It’s not stupid.” Kaoru cut Chisato off. The blonde glanced up to see Kaoru’s face flushed pink. 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re short or whatever,” Kaoru went softly, “If you want to hold me then I don’t mind at all.”

“O-Oh, really,” Chisato stammered, slightly flustered herself by how shy Kaoru had surprisingly gotten, “That’s good.”

Some silence passed.

Chisato should probably do something now. But what exactly? Should she just tell Kaoru to lie down and go from there? 

“Well, if you’re okay with it then…” Chisato began awkwardly. She leaned up from Kaoru’s shoulder and looked up at her again. The taller girl’s eyes glanced at Chisato. She blinked and then slowly looked away, her blush deepening. 

“You wanted to now?”

“Only if you’re okay with it. We could always do something else.” Chisato pressed her lips together and swore at herself for making things even more awkward. Why did she have to be so terrible at this?

“No, I’m okay with it.” Kaoru glanced at Chisato again and then scooted herself fully onto the bed. 

Kaoru was the first to flop down and Chisato shortly followed. The couple lay down on Chisato’s bed facing each other. Kaoru refused to look into Chisato’s eyes and was very noticeably shy about the situation. Chisato was no different, but she gladly took the opportunity to gaze at her girlfriend. After a little bit of more awkward silence, Chisato suddenly let out a snort of laughter.

“What is it?” Kaoru raised her eyebrows confusedly. 

“This is just so silly,” The blonde giggled, “We cuddle all the time, why are we getting so shy about it now?”

“...That is a good point.” Kaoru laughed a little herself and seemed to loosen up a bit. Chisato took the opportunity to slide herself a little closer to Kaoru.

Kaoru noticed and went quiet again, but she was still smiling. Slowly, Chisato reached out her hand and placed it on Kaoru’s arm.

“Do you want to come a bit closer?” Chisato asked softly.

Kaoru nodded and looked away as she gradually lessened the distance between her and Chisato. The shorter girl guided her with her hand until Kaoru was now inches from Chisato’s face. Chisato hesitated, and then finally took the final step of pulling Kaoru close to her chest. Kaoru allowed her body to nuzzle up against Chisato’s, though she seemed to be a bit tense. Chisato wasn’t exactly the most put together either; her heart was racing a million miles a minute and her body felt hot all over. 

Gingerly, Chisato took her other arm and hugged Kaoru. Kaoru responded by wrapping her arms around Chisato’s waist. As expected their position seemed a little awkward at first — Chisato’s legs could wrap around Kaoru’s torso if she wanted to — but gradually Chisato became more comfortable with holding Kaoru in her arms. 

Kaoru’s body was warm and comforting, almost as if she was a fuzzy blanket one would curl themselves up in. Chisato was also aware of the gentle rise and fall of Kaoru's body as she breathed softly. Her head was tucked under Chisato’s chin so Chisato was unable to see her face, but she did feel Kaoru’s warm breaths against the skin on her chest. After a few moments, Chisato tightened her hug on Kaoru and began to tenderly stroke her long, purple hair. Kaoru’s head shifted a little as an initial response, as if the touch startled her, but she quickly relaxed and continued to nestle up against the shorter girl’s body.

“Are you comfortable?” Chisato whispered.

“Mhm.” 

Kaoru gave a simple and quiet reply then said no more. The two held each other in silence for several minutes. Then several more. Chisato continued stroking Kaoru’s hair and snuggling against Kaoru’s warmth. It really did feel like how things were before, even with Kaoru being so much bigger now. A smile crept onto Chisato’s face and she moved her head so that she could place a kiss on Kaoru’s face. The taller girl shyly looked up as Chisato did so and allowed her to gently peck the top of her forehead. 

Chisato moved her hand to tilt Kaoru’s head up towards her. The couple met eyes, but only for a quick moment. Kaoru quickly looked away and gave a bashful grin.

“Being held like this is really nice.” She murmured. Chisato responded with another kiss, this time on Kaoru’s cheek.  

“I’m glad. I like holding you like this too.” Chisato replied and pressed her forehead against Kaoru’s. She sighed contently and shut her eyes, rubbing her thumb across Kaoru’s cheek as she held her face. 

Kaoru said no more, and after several minutes Chisato noticed that her breathing had slowed and her body had completely relaxed. Kaoru had fallen asleep.

Chisato carefully pulled Kaoru’s head against her chest again and went back to holding her as she was before. She took comfort in listening to Kaoru’s gentle breaths as the taller girl slept. Holding Kaoru while she was sleeping was definitely far better than Chisato imagined it to be. She couldn’t help but let a dumb smile form on her face.

“I love you, Kao-chan.” Chisato breathed softly and buried her nose in Kaoru’s hair. The words were usually tricky for Chisato to say out loud, however they seemed to slip out so easily when Kaoru couldn’t hear.

Soon fatigue had fallen over Chisato as well. Chisato allowed Kaoru’s gentle touch and the scent of her lilac shampoo to lull her to sleep.