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P.S. I Still Love You

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[ Go alone ]

(Satan’s affection -15)

 

{ OPEN STATUS : YES

> approved

> displaying capture targets

 

Mammon : 85♡/100♡

Satan : 70♡/100♡

Barbatos: 0♡/100♡

Lucifer : 5♡/100♡

 

CLOSE STATUS : YES

>approved }

 

Lucifer looked surprised to see you by your lonesome. His eyes scanned at the empty space beside you, seeing no one.

“It sounded urgent and—“ you paused, considering if your explanation sounded like excuses. Was he testing you? For what reason? Or were you overthinking all of this?

“…I got lost on the way. The map you sent me was confusing…” You sighed in relief to see his expression lighten, urging you to sit with “them”.

Who were them?

It almost felt like a job interview. Barbatos was sitting at his desk, sitting across from your sofa. Lucifer was on the other, scanning pages of documents, while Solomon contented himself with the view outside, looking elsewhere.

“Uhm…” What a weird combination of personalities. Lucifer seemed to read your mind and answered for you.

“I’ll cut to the chase.” He showed you the documents and urged you to read it. “You were in danger.” Barbatos nodded, elaborating. “The person responsible for causing you harm had been apprehended quite recently. We wish to share this announcement to you now that the issue had been resolved.” He didn’t expect the serenity on your features, which caused him to react. “You don’t look surprised.”

That was because your mind blanked—unable to process what was said to you. In the documents handed out to you were numerous accounts of not only you, but your loved ones in the Human Realm being targeted by insurgents, unhappy with the Demon King’s son taking reign in his slumber. At one hand, you sympathised with them—with nowhere else to go but the home of those who destroyed theirs, bound to a life they did not choose. Freedom in exchange for comfort, a life for a life…even a life that did not concern them. At least that was what you thought.

“They’re fine now.” Solomon finally turned towards you, back leaning against the window. “I was commissioned by Lucifer to create an antidote to counter the brainwashing they received. Yours too.”

“Ah, thank you—

.

.

Wait. Did you just say, me too?”

Lucifer sighed and shook his head. “You weren’t suspicious why I came home more frequently? And even cooked meals for everyone?”

Nope. Sorry. Idiot brain can’t understand.

“Flavourless antidote. One of my best creations~” Solomon helpfully explained for you…or not. He said it pretty vaguely too so you weren’t really sure if you really understood.  

“I laced it in your meals. I even discouraged Beelzebub to share them with you.”

“It was just you being you?”

The way Lucifer rolled his eyes in exasperation made Solomon snort out a laugh. You were pretty sure Barbatos was also holding back a smile—well sorry if you aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed! It was a good distraction however, from your many tumultuous thoughts. You supposed you were fairly good at hiding your fears for them not to notice—their explanation of what happened and what may happen from that point on seemed reassuring and daresay, foolproof…but…a part of you couldn’t help but wonder…

What if it fails?

What if someone is still out there, out to kill you? To harm your loved ones?

“Are you sure you will be fine going back on your own?” Lucifer asked you, and you nodded. Your AKUber was waiting for you outside, and Satan said he will be waiting for you back at Lamentation. Your boyfriend knew something was going on but didn’t press you for answers; and now you felt bad for not bringing him with you because you didn’t think things through!

Your hand trembled at the door handle, feeling a pair of eyes on you, but as you turned back, you were only greeted back by Lucifer’s own worried pair of red eyes, asking if you are reconsidering your decline—Barbatos was poring over a difficult looking book (a pair of spectacles on his person), and Solomon had his back turned against you, admiring the view from the window.

You shook your head and reassured Lucifer once again before shutting the door.

The absence of a butler guiding you to the entrance made you take a lot of detours on your way there. Such detours led you to spotting a familiar figure you would have never expected to cross paths with in Barbatos’ Estate.

“Levi?”

He was trying to escape, but the power of your words (all thanks to your pact with him), glued him to where he was standing. Even with your apologies, he still glared at you—understandable. You were pretty sure no one would ever enjoy being treated like a dog. (There were better words than stay but you panicked and said the first command that popped out of your head).

What are you doing here?!” You asked each other in unison, followed by a seemingly endless chain of both of you unjinxing each other.

“Sorry for err…doing that.” You held his hand in an effort to pry him away from the floor he almost faceplanted on, hearing him swear and complain about his sides that took the brunt of the impact instead. “So, what gives, Levi? Why are you here?”

There was a blush colouring his cheeks now—his face—to the tips of his ears. He shouted. “NORMIES LIKE YOU WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND!!!!”

You covered his mouth. “Okay, okay! I won’t ever! Just keep your voice down!”

When he asked why he still couldn’t move, you scratched your head and laughed, telling him no idea, which earned you a well-earned smack at your back. “I’m sorry, okay?! I can’t control my strength!”

You both decided to keep each other company until the binding from your spell wore off. Through your numerous pestering, you finally pressured him to he finally told you about his reasons for coming to the Estate.

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“Promise.”

He looked from side to side, urging you to lean your ear towards him. “Ruri-chan’s birthday is coming soon and…B-Beel said…he w-wanted to celebrate with m-me…”

“Wha—“ He immediately covered your mouth to shut you up this time. Revenge served cold. “Go on, laugh! A gross otaku like me dragging my brother to celebrate a birthday of a fictional character?! He only agreed to go because of the food! I know that!”

“I never said that, Levi…” You smooshed his cheeks and stroked his head, earning you his ire. “So that’s what it’s about. You could have just asked Satan for baking lessons, you know?”

“Schwiff! (As if!)”

You already knew about Ruri-chan’s birthday! Heck, you were the first person he invited! You just weren’t aware that he invited Beel as well (nor did you know he was preparing for the party to this extent), and he seemed really excited to have his brother over since the sixth born didn’t really seem to be an anime person. “Maybe we can invite Belphie too! You can let him cuddle on your Ruri-chan body pillow! Maybe you can even make your bedroom Ruri-themed! His eyes sparkled at your suggestion, before deflating back again to his usual doom and gloom.

“What if they find it gross? What if they won’t actually go?”

“I’d still be there. I can invite Satan too!”

“…t-they never came to my parties before…”

You couldn’t help it! It felt like he needed a hug. You felt him trembling in your embrace, weakly returning your gesture. “We won’t know until we try. I’ll wait for you at home, okay?”

“It will take a while. Barbatos and I will be making sweets.”

“Then why don’t I wait for you?”

“You should go.” Levi said, pulling away from the hug. “You can tell me about why you’re here later, okay?”

!!!

“Obviously, you want someone else to know first—besides! Barbatos is waiting for me. Now go, before I throw another tantrum—“

“Leviiiiiiiii!”

You received a pinch on your cheek as you proceeded to smother him in hugs.


Your intentions to wait for Levi hadn’t been as pure as he thought it was. You left your AKUber, told the driver you’d walk from there and stared up at the sky. Eternal darkness littered with stars greeted you, and it was only five in the afternoon. You had a wonderful boyfriend waiting for you to come home, an understanding best friend who didn’t push you for answers but…you still couldn’t help the melancholy you felt in your heart. After texting Satan that you will take a few detours on the way home, you sauntered off to the bustling streets of Devildom, walking aimlessly, hoping you could place a name for your current, turbulent thoughts and feelings.

You couldn’t go home like this. The reflection staring back at you from the display windows looked like it was about to cry. It was ridiculous. There’s no more threat to your life—and even if there was, you were confident that Satan and his brothers would not let any harm to come to you. So why…why do you feel…useless? Do you deserve the happiness you’re feeling right now? Especially when people were fighting for your safety in the sidelines?

How long had you been circling the shopping district? Were people giving you weird looks? Was it really okay for you to go alone and decline Lucifer’s offer?

A voice called your name in the faceless crowd—familiar and almost comforting. With his hand on your back, and the other holding your hand to catch you, his aquamarine eyes pulled you back.

“Simeon?”

His serene smiles had been comforting, his “Are you okay?” shattered you enough to break you down in tears.

You hated being alone in your thoughts, but hated it even more if you showed this side of yours to those who were watching over you in secret. You had a vague knowledge that they are going out of their way for you, but not like this—not to this extent. So seeing someone, completely unaware or even out of their influence was a breath of fresh air.

Simeon held you and offered his comforting silence until you have calmed down. And even when it was time for you to separate paths, he immediately knew you were reluctant to be alone again. Were all angels like that? You wanted to ask, but chose to keep silent.  

“Want to come with me? I’ll fix you a cup of tea.”

You couldn’t help but agree.


Purgatory Hall, true to its definitions, almost felt…pure. Pristine white walls, gilded ornaments, angelic statues and paintings—it almost felt like the times when you were gawking at Catholic church interiors when the priest takes too long to arrive for mass. Its quiet was different, contrasting even to Lamentation’s usual hustle and bustle.

“Luke is studying Satan’s reviewers.” Simeon answered for you when he noticed your eyes were scanning the vicinity. Without the blackboards and study table, you can finally see Purgatory in all its beauty. You forgot how calming it was to be here. Was? You don’t recall going here often…

“Oh, perfect timing! Barbatos had just given me sweets today. Would you like some with your tea?” Everyone seemed to be either getting sweets or being taught to make sweets by Barbatos today. But you wouldn’t pass up on such a tempting offer and accepted Simeon’s generosity. A fresh cup of tea was laid in front of you along with a slice of cake. Simeon sat on the sofa beside you, sipping his own cup before turning to you. “You look troubled, little lamb. Is something bothering you?”

The warm tea in your mouth calmed the worries in your heart by a bit. Enough for you to reply to Simeon without tears threatening to fall from your eyes. “You can tell, can’t you? Sorry for the trouble.” Simeon shook his head. “I couldn’t leave you alone; my heart wouldn’t be able to take it. Now…” You felt puzzled when he patted his lap, so he explained. “Why don’t you lie down and air out your worries? I won’t have to listen if you want me to. It might make you feel better as well.”

“L-lie? On your lap?!”

Simeon seemed confused at your flustered reactions. “Yes. Is something wrong with that? I do it with Luke and Solomon all the time.”

He didn’t leave any room for protests that’s for sure—before you knew it, his lap was now your pillow, and his beautiful features greeted you as you looked up. How embarrassing!

“Your muscles are tense, little one. Relax. I won’t force you to say anything if you don’t want to.” His words had some power to them. Was it because he was a writer? In no time at all, you felt your eyes closing, heart calmer. His voice seemed louder in the darkness.

“Simeon?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever felt helpless?”

You felt his hands comb through your hair, voice soft yet clear enough for you to hear. “Of course. I feel like everyone had felt powerless at some point in their lives. Some Human Realm psychologists even have a name for it—“ He mentioned something about a man named Alfred Adler and his theories about humans and their feelings of inferiority upon birth; some material he used to understand one of his TSL characters deeper. “Of course, a character is not as complex and as deep as a real living person, so your sense of helplessness is deeper and more profound.”

“It’s kinda funny,”

“Hm? What is funny?” Simeon asked you back.

“Humans try to understand and know themselves better, but we still couldn’t prevent ourselves from feeling helpless.” When he didn’t respond, you continued speaking. “It’s like, your life is already set out for you to live and you can’t do anything about it—and any form of strength, wisdom or innate ability you have are mere illusions. You can’t escape from what you will become or what you already are.

.

.

.

.

Simeon?”

You looked up at him, seeing tears form on his own eyes that made you sit up in panic.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to sound depressing—tissue! I have a tissue in my pocket!”

He thanked you graciously for your tissue, dabbing the corner of his eyes with a laugh.

“You humans are amazing, do you know that?”

“We are?”

Nodding, his smile returned, and you were back to facing each other again.

“Don’t ever lose hope. You have the right to forge your own path, so don’t ever waver, Little Lamb. Your efforts will never be in vain.”

“Thank you…” That was some really profound advice. And honestly? From the way Simeon’s eyes seemed to look straight past you, you couldn’t help but feel that he was saying his words of advice to someone else as well.

His company, his sweets and your conversations with him until the early hours of the evening however, effectively lightened up your mood. And by the time you returned to Lamentation, with a worried Satan catching you in his arms, you couldn’t help but smile and say,“I’m home.” 

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