Why hadn’t they told him how much it would hurt?
When his father had given him this option, Ichigo had grabbed for it with both hands. He was desperate, and desperation could push a man to do things he never would have considered. Then Tensa Zangetsu had told him what it was that Final Getsuga Tensho would do to them.
He had done it anyway. Because his sisters were worth anything.
Now, Ichigo wished he had been able to find another way. Or that, at least, someone would have told him how much it hurt.
Because it did. Hurt, that is.
Ichigo felt himself wearing away, a little more every day. Every morning, he woke up, and it hurt to breathe. He felt his chest grinding each morning for the first few inhales. And the next few after that. Most days, it lasted until lunch. Sometimes longer.
Sometimes he never stopped feeling that grind as he breathed.
On top of that was that draining. Like he was constantly losing blood. He knew he wasn’t, He had asked Orihime to check one day. She spent almost an hour healing him, but it changed nothing. He continued to feel as if he was bleeding out inside. It wasn’t blood, though. It was his power. His….
It was himself that he was losing.
Ichigo had always seen ghosts. Always. He couldn’t remember a time when he couldn’t. Everything else that happened to him, he could have handled that. It would have sucked, but he had only been a substitute shinigami for a short time. Not even a year. Losing it would have hurt. But he could handle pain. Did it for years when his mother died.
But Urahara had quietly told him that he’d lose everything. Even his ability to see ghosts.
That horrified him. He never even considered that he would lose the one gift he had since, most likely, birth.
How was he supposed to help protect his sisters without the ability to at least see ghosts. Karin was getting stronger in her talents, so was Yuzu in her own quiet way. And even their dad was coming back into his powers.
Ichigo was the only one failing in this regard.
It meant that Hollows would be attracted to his family, and he’d never be able to see them coming. That Karin and Yuzu would have to protect themselves.
They could do it, he knew that. But he was their big brother. It was a duty he had flung himself into once their mother had been killed. It, as much as seeing ghosts, was the one thing he had focused on with everything he had. To lose the ability to defend them from monsters….
What good would Ichigo be to anyone after that?
He wanted to protect his sisters. He wanted to keep his ability to at least see ghosts.
He had given up everything to protect his family, and he’d do it again.
Ichigo just wished someone would have told him how much it would hurt to lose everything.