She’d done hundreds, maybe even a thousand, interviews at this point.
Doesn’t change the fact that her leg was bouncing up and down nervously, her lip was chewed to hell and her palms were sweating.
It was nothing big. Just a little livestream interview with good old friend Chelsea Briggs. Which meant she had to be perfect.
Nothing major, just a little something something about her next album.
Which is all about love… which she’s supposed to be an expert in ‘cause, hello boyfriend. Well close friend who she sometimes has to kiss.
Minor minor things.
“You’re gonna be fine.” Dinah’s voice snapped her out of her panic.
“I am stressed.” Camila half sang, half laughed at her nervousness.
“And you’ll be great, try to relax a little. You already know all the questions are gonna be about love and romance.” Dinah said, nudging her shoulder gently. “Just think about something that makes your heart skip. Like good TV, or like hot actors, or ooh, like food.”
Camila snorted at Dinah’s excitement and felt her shoulders relax.
“I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Camila laughed.
Then the time came for Dinah to go off screen and Chelsea grinned at her.
They got the small talk out the way and Camila took a deep breath.
“So, not to state the obvious but Romance, is obviously about love.” Chelsea laughed and Camila relaxed again.
“Yeah, it’s very on the nose.”
“Any particular inspiration you may have used?” Chelsea presses slowly. Camila bit her lip with a grin.
“I mean I haven’t had many relationships before…” Camila trails off and catches Dinah’s eye behind the camera. She shoots her a thumbs up and makes a heart with her fingers, mouthing ‘love’ at her. “But I definitely dug into my own experiences for this album.”
“A little birdie told us you may have based it on your current relationship? Or is this more from past experience?”
Camila paused at that. Her and Shawn’s relationship was pretty new and honestly she’s had these songs written for months.
“It’s more about what relationships are like for me as a whole, how they make you feel in comparison to the rest of the world. How your heart beats for them, but also how it’s not always who you think it’ll end up being.” Camila said slowly.
“For you, what would you say love feels like?”
“It’s that all consuming need to just, always be around them, to have to be touching them and just have them in your orbit.” Camila said with a hazy grin, her eyes looking at Chelsea but spaced out as she thought. “It’s just how your heart speeds up when they’re around, everything about them is something you adore, even if it drives you insane. But honestly most of all it’s about communication, being so comfortable with someone else that before you know they know everything there is to know about you.”
Camila felt her heart ache, flashes of dark hair and dazzling eyes in her memories. Soft skin and softer kisses on cheeks. That one night of slightly tipsy passion, heat crawling up the back of her neck at the memory. Endless moments of staring, drinking in every inch before she was inevitably caught and had to look away.
“Wow, might I say that sounds gorgeous.” Chelsea said with a bright smile. “Now, about your last single Liar, I wouldn’t say that’s your typical love song.”
“Right, yeah. That one’s more about wanting someone but you can’t have them. That you feel all those things for them but the more you fall for them, the more you have to lie. Whether that’s to yourself or other people.” Camila said softly.
New memories; lies through gritted teeth in interviews, fake smiles plastered on, real smiles breaking through whenever they came in the room. Her heart pounding as she denied her feelings to everyone, an exhilaration every time they touched, electricity arcing through her veins. Fire exploding in her thoughts, warming her up whenever they weren’t around.
“I’m hearing rumours that you and Shawn Mendes are dating? Did he have any inspiration for any last minute changes?”
“I wrote these songs months ago.” Camila said, her mind wandering, not really keeping an eye on what her mouth was saying. “He’s a great guy and if’d wanted to change anything he’d have helped me write new lyrics.”
“Alright, I’ve got some general questions on love for you now, all submitted by your fans.” Chelsea’s voice almost broke through the daze Camila was in.
“Favourite romantic moment from the past year?”
“We had takeout the other night, binge watched something on Netflix and stayed up talking until the sun rose.” Camila said wistfully.
They’d finally got back in touch after a year or so. They’d fallen back into their rhythm so easily that Camila was finding it hard to ignore her feelings.
“When you think of Shawn what colour comes to mind?”
There was a pause from Chelsea but she continued.
“Thing you look for first in a partner? Like physically and personality wise.”
“Physically, eyes. I love eyes, if that wasn’t clear from my first tour.” Camila laughed. “They’re a window to the soul and I adore them. Personality wise? Just gotta have a similar sense of vibe. I know it’s vague but like I love when you can just chill with someone for hours and still feel like you could spend time with them and not go crazy.”
“Very romantic. Last time you kissed someone?”
Camila felt her cheeks heat up, when had the last time been? Too long for Camila to remember.
“I honestly can’t remember.” Camila mumbled with a sheepish smile. Chelsea raised an eyebrow and moved on with a smirk.
“Favourite romantic song?”
“Anything by the 1975.” Camila said quickly.
“Alright I’ll let that slide. Favourite romantic song you’ve ever done?”
“No Way.” Camila sighed, missing Dinah’s wide eyes and the fact her jaw had been on the ground for the past few minutes.
“Oh a classic Fifth Harmony song. Nice.” Chelsea was beaming at this point. “Favourite thing about your boyfriend?”
“Everything.” Camila smiled wistfully. “Just everything.”
“Cute.” Chelsea mused. “How about this one, if you could go back and fix one regret you have, romantic wise, what would you do differently?”
“I wouldn’t ignore my feelings. I would just straight up let them out. It held me back quite a bit in the romance department.” Camila said with a slight frown on her face. “It’d also solve my other regrets as well.”
“Good life advice for anyone I think.” Chelsea said quietly and Camila nodded. “Shawn’s favourite TV show?”
“Uhhh…” Camila hesitated, all she’d heard was ‘favourite TV show’, was there a name before it? Shit. Well she knew one answer and it’d have to be good enough. “Pretty into Game of Thrones at the moment.”
“You and Shawn been rewatching it?” Camila’s brain froze and she nodded quickly. “Nice, heard the last season sucks so fair warning. Right, what about your favourite romantic line? Song, movie, anything.”
“I saw a post the other day which I think is pretty romantic. It's longer than a line though.” Camila mused as she pulled out her phone. "There's a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don't mean now, or until I've found somebody else. I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there'll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you."
“Wow. That is… wow.” Chelsea said with an astonished smile. Camila nodded, quickly tweeting the picture of the quote.
“And it’s now on my Twitter.” Camila said softly.
“Final question: who’s the album about?” Chelsea said with a laugh.
Flashes of dark hair.
Moments of green, tinged with sadness.
Times of forever all painted rose gold.
“My first love.” Camila answered quietly, a gentle smile gracing her face.
“Wow, considering I know how nervous you were before this started, you’re doing really well with all this romance.” Chelsea teased.
Camila snorted and waved her off.
“Please, I was just worried I’d say the wrong thing. I’ve only been in love once before.”
“Really? What was it like?” Chelsea asked, clearly not working from her cues anymore.
“Oh just… well the album speaks for itself really. But since it’s not out yet… It was amazing, difficult and everything all at once. We just clicked instantly, we weren’t really together though. Not in the traditional sense. We just knew we liked each other and that was enough for us. Things never got… we never… I never told her how I felt.” Camila rambled and ran her hand through her hair.
“We just kind of existed around each other and adored each other to the ends of the world but we just… we never took the next step but I know it was love. We would’ve done anything for each other. And we argued and dated other people but it always came back to the two of us.”
The room was silent, Camila could see Dinah’s wide eyes from behind the camera. She could also see the livestream going crazy on the screen Chelsea held. Someone was gesturing wildly off screen.
“Well, it was great speaking with you Camila.” Chelsea said with a sly smile. She turned to the camera and did her sign off.
Camila blinked when everyone seemed to explode into action the second the livestream ended.
“MILA! DUDE!” Dinah yelled, pushing past people until she was stood in front of Camila.
“Oh my fucking God. You don’t even know you said it did you.” Dinah looked at her with a grimace.
“What?” Camila asked again, her concern growing, her leg bouncing again.
Camila’s phone vibrated in her palm. She looked down at the screen and her eyes grew wide.
“Hey, I’m outside.”
Camila nodded, scrambling out of her seat, almost headbutting Dinah who’d been leaning in.
“Lo’s outside.” Camila mumbled to her as she looked around, everyone was clamouring and collectively losing their minds.
“I bet she is.” Dinah snickered.
Camila slips past people, listening to Lauren breathing on the other end of the phone and she’s about five steps from the door when she sucks in a very sharp breath.
“Oh my fucking- what did I say?” Camila squeaks, forgetting she’s on the phone for a minute or two.
Her. Camila said her. In reference to her first love. And if anyone knew her life, which was most fans, they know exactly who she was describing. Although even if she hadn’t said any pronouns it was still pretty obvious.
“Oh fuck. Oh Jesus.” Camila mumbled.
“Camz, just come outside.” Lauren’s voice jolted her into walking again and soon the warm air outside was brushing her face. She felt someone hang up her phone for her and she turned.
There she was. Her first love. Her current love.
“Hi.” Camila breathed.
“Did you mean it?” Lauren asked, looking down at their feet before glancing away down the street.
“All that stuff you said in the interview. Did you mean it?”
“Well I wasn’t talking about Shawn was I?” Camila scoffed. Lauren broke out in a lopsided grin and finally made eye contact with her.
“Everything.” Camila said, her heart pounding in her chest, almost hurting.
The sweet kiss that Lauren pressed to her lips was almost enough for her to forget the world existed.
The deeper, more passion filled kiss that followed definitely did.