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Six of Crows Text Conversations

Chapter Text

Waffles (Waffles4ever) has added Edgelord (ThirtyMillionKruge), Wraith (ItsyBitsySpider), Sunshine (VanSunshine),  JeSpErThEgReAt (KazSucks) and WOLFBOY (WolfBoy13) to the chat.

Waffles: Hey guys!!!

Sunshine: What is this...?

Waffles: I made a group chat?

JeSpErThEgReAt: This is so cool!

WOLFBOY: HOW DO YOU TURN CAPS LOCK OFF?!

Wraith: Push the caps lock button, Matthias.

Edgelord (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset names to (ThirtyMillionKruge), Nina (Waffles4ever), Inej (ItsyBitsySpider), Jesper (KazSucks), Wylan (VanSunshine) and Matthias (WolfBoy13)

Inej: Oop, Kaz is here

Jesper: We’re dead.

Nina: Yep...

Matthias: IT ISN’T WORKING INEJ

Kaz: You guys do realize we’re all in the same room, right?

Wylan: Yeah but it’s more fun this way

Matthias: GUYS I CAN’T TURN CAPS LOCK OFF

Kaz: Push the **** caps lock button!!

Kaz: Wait what the **** it won’t let me swear!

Wylan: Yeah, I did that.

Jesper: Our innocent cinnamon roll is protecting himself, awwww

Inej: Honestly that’s for the best

Wylan: I’m not a cinnamon roll!

Matthias: YES YOU ARE, AND I STILL CAN’T GET CAPS LOCKS TO TURN OFF

Nina: How many times did you push it?!

Matthias: A LOT

Inej: Push it ONCE

Matthias: Oh. That’s better.

Kaz: Idiots. I live with idiots.

 

Chapter Text

Kaz: JESPER, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

Inej: Ooh, Kaz is mad

Kaz: Shut up, Wraith.

Nina: oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kaz: I will actually kill, you I'm not kidding. JESPER!!!

Jesper: Sheesh, Kaz, you're making my phone explode. 

Kaz: WHERE ARE YOU?!

Inej: Hope ya have a good excuse this time, Jes

Jesper: I'm on a date with Wylan, leave me alone!

Kaz: WELL I NEED YOU HERE!

Jesper: You want to go out with me too? I'm flattered, Kaz

Inej: He's so dead.

Nina: Yep.

Kaz: I swear that if you're not back in 5 minutes, I will rip you apart limb by limb and laugh at your screams

Jesper: Awww, you miss me.

Kaz: I didn't- you- AAARGH!

Inej: Awwwww, you miss him, Kaz

Kaz: I do NOT miss him

Jesper: Who wouldn't miss this beautiful face?

Nina: You're pushing it a bit there, don't you think?

Jesper: Nah.

Kaz: I'm actually going to kill you.

Inej: Kaz, n0

Kaz: Inej, yEs

Inej: If you kill him, I'll tell everyone what you did last night

Kaz: JESPER LIVES

Nina: Kaz, what DID you do last night?

Jesper: yEs KaZ, TeLL uS

Kaz: I hate you, Inej

Inej: You can't hate me that much, considering that you kissed me

Jesper: ...

Nina: ...

Kaz: INEJ!

Jesper: OoOoOoOoOoOo

Kaz: SHUT UP!

Nina: INEJ AND KAAZZ SITTING IN A TREE

Kaz: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Jesper: K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Kaz: SHUT IT!

Nina: Kaz is in loooove, Kaz is in looooove

Kaz has left the chat group

 

Chapter Text

Jesper: I think we should play a game.

Inej: Like what?

Jesper: Truth or Dare!

Kaz: This ought to be good...

Nina: I LOVE truth or dare!!

Matthias: I despise truth or dare.

Wylan: Agreed.

Inej: Eh, I’ll play.

Jesper: Okay, okay. I’ll go first. Kaz, truth or dare?

Kaz: I feel like this will go badly either way... Dare.

Jesper: Kiss Inej.

Nina: Ooooooh

Kaz: Not happening.

Inej: You haaaaaave to.

Kaz: Stop sounding happy about this.

Wylan: You were the one who asked for a dare, Kaz

Matthias: Just do it.

Kaz: What are you, a Nike advertiser?

Nina: Do it, do it, do it

Jesper: DO IT, DO IT, DO IT

Kaz: *kisses Inej* There

Wylan: You can’t just write *kisses Inej*

Matthias: That’s cheating!

Kaz: It’s Jesper’s fault for not being specific.

Jesper: Dammit, fine.

Kaz: Nina, truth or dare?

Nina: DARE!

Kaz: No waffles for a week.

Nina: EXCUSE ME?! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT WAFFLES!

Kaz: You deserve it.

Inej: Awww, poor Nina

Matthias: I’m going to be so rich now that I don’t have to spend all my money on waffles for her

Nina: We have a deal going, Matthias. You buy me waffles, I kiss you

Matthias: I don’t see why you choose NOW to mention this!

Inej: Ooooooh

Kaz: O?

Inej: No, Kaz, you have to repeat the ‘o’. Like this. Oooooooooooooo

Kaz: o.o.o.o.o

Inej: You don’t need periods after every ‘o’.

Kaz: I want it to be grammatically correct. And Nina, if you don’t agree to the ‘no waffles’ thing I’ll break up with Inej.

Inej: Excuse me?!

Nina: KANEJ MUST LIVE. Fine, no waffles for a week.

Kaz: Your turn to ask someone, then.

Nina: Okay, Inej, truth or dare?

Inej: Truth.

Nina: You’re no fun. Okay, do you love Kaz?

Inej: ...

Kaz: ... why do I feel like this is still targeted at me?!

Wylan: Because it is.

Nina: Answer the question, Inej

Inej: Only a fool would love Kaz Brekker.

Kaz: Yes, she doesn’t love me, can we continue, please?

Inej: But it appears I am a fool.

Nina: OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Jesper: Ooooooo Kazzzz she loooooooves you

Kaz: Shut up, Fahey

Inej: I am enjoying this. Wylan, truth or dare?

Wylan: Truth?

Kaz: Jesper, stop whispering ‘Dare’ in his ear

Jesper: You have creepy good hearing, Kaz

Inej: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard Jesper say is his sleep?

Jesper: Hey! I don’t sleep-talk!

Wylan: ...yes you do, Jes. The weirdest thing was probably “Oh Kazzzzz, you’re so handsome.... I luuuuuuvvvvv you.”

Kaz: WHAT?! NO! ON SO MANY LEVELS, NO.

Jesper: Please tell me I didn’t actually say that...

Wylan: You did.

Matthias: Someone please push the mute buttons on Inej and Nina, their laughing is breaking my ears...

Kaz: WHY ARE ALL OF THESE ALWAYS TARGETED AT ME?!

Wylan: Okay, Matthias, truth or dare?

Matthias: Truth.

Wylan: If you could punch anyone right now, who would it be?

Inej: I love how everyone including Matthias is looking at Kaz right now

Kaz: Matthias, if you say ‘Kaz’ I will murder you in your sleep.

Jesper: Matthias is considering it... Matthias is looking at me... Why is he looking at me?!

Matthias: I’d punch Jesper.

Jesper: Hey!!

Kaz: Wise choice.

Inej: We all know the real answer.

Nina: And everyone is looking at Kaz again.

Kaz: it’s very diffictje to type while glarign at yoi

Matthias: Jesper, truth or dare?

Jesper: DARE!

Matthias: I dare you to punch Kaz.

Kaz: Every. Single. One. Is. Targeted. At. Me.

Inej: Technically, Nina’s wasn’t.

Kaz: You shut your mouth.

Inej: o.o Jes punched Kaz

Nina: Wow, I didn’t think he’d actually do it.

Wylan: I hope Jesper is fast.

Matthias: I don’t.

 

Chapter Text

Nina: GUYS, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!!

Inej: What's wrong?

Jesper: Is it Kaz? Did he finally die?!

Kaz: No, I'm here

Jesper: Dang it...

Kaz: Try again.

Jesper: Yay, Kaz is alive!

Matthias: What's going on?

Wylan: Nina, answer us!

Nina: Okay guys, I'll tell you whats wrong, but you have to promise to stay calm.

Inej: Sure.

Matthias: Okay.

Kaz: Fine.

Jesper: :D :D

Wylan: Jesper says yes. So do I.

Nina: Okay, okay. WE'RE OUT OF WAFFLES!!!

Kaz: Are. You. KIDDING ME?!

Nina: No! Isn't it horrible?!

Inej: Nina, please make sure it's an actually emergency next time...

Wylan: Yeah, I was in the middle of drawing!

Nina: I'm serious!

 

Nina: Guys?

 

 

Nina: Helloooo?

 

 

 

 

Nina: ...

 

 

 

 

Nina: I'm still hungry

Chapter Text

Matthias: I don’t like this.

Jesper: You don’t have to like it.

Matthias: We’re all going to be killed

Jesper: Not if you listen to me. 

Matthias: What part of your half-insane mind thinks it’s a good idea to steal from Kaz Brekker?

Jesper: Are you scared of him? 

Matthias: Yes.

Nina: Me too.

Inej: I could go tell Kaz right now.

Jesper: NO DON’T YOU DARE!

Nina: Jesper’s scared too.

Inej: You guys go get yourself killed if you want. I’m going to feed the crows.

Jesper: But we need you for the plan- she’s gone.

Matthias: Me and Nina quit too.

Jesper: Kaz won’t even know!

Kaz: Jesper, you realize you’re texting me all of this too?

Jesper: ...

Matthias: Nice going, Jesper

 Jesper: Shit.

Kaz: Yes, you idiot.

Jesper: ...oops

Kaz: Now get your face over here so I can kill you

 

Chapter Text

Jesper: Inej, I bet I can make better emojis than you

Inej: Is that a challenge?

Jesper: Yes, yes it is. I challenge you to an emoji war.

Inej: You’re on.

Jesper: Okay, I’ll start. :)

Inej: That is just so sad. :D

Jesper! It’ll get better. (-:

Inej: I sure hope so. o-O

Jesper: That’s the expression on your face when you see THIS: T-T

Inej: Let’s get serious, here. <>< FISH TIME

Jesper: Oh, my speacialty. <*)))><

Inej: Watch and learn, Jes. <*)_)))_)><[

Jesper: -.- You’re the worst. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Inej: Oh, we're getting serious now. 。◕‿◕。

Jesper:  (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

Inej: (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ ✧゚・: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

Jesper: ¯\_(ツ)_/

Inej: ┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴

Jesper: ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

Inej: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Jesper: (╯°Д°)╯︵/(.□ . \)

Inej: ┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

Kaz: ╰(⇀︿⇀)つ-]═─── ┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻ (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ ✧゚・: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)눈_눈.̮.( ꒪Д꒪)ノ┬┴┤・ω・)ノ hello?├┬┴┬(-■_■)

Inej: So Kaz wins then.

Jesper: Yep.

Chapter Text

Here’s one between Zoya and Kaz

Zoya: Hello, Brekker

Kaz: How the hell did you get my number?!

Zoya: Because I’m amazing.

Kaz: I’m Dirtyhands, the most dangerous man in Ketterdam. No one is more amazing than me.

Zoya: You’re just a teenager with edgy hair and a cane who has never done anything useful in his life

Kaz: I ripped out a man’s eye once

Zoya: I’ve cooked people alive, sit down

Kaz: I infiltrated the Ice Court

Zoya: I infiltrated your home

Kaz: ...

Zoya: I win.

,

Chapter Text

Inej: Guys, I found out something hilarious.

Kaz: Don’t you dare tell them!

Inej: Oh, I’m telling them.

Nina: What is it?

Jesper Yeah, I wanna know!

Kaz: IT’S NOTHING OKAY WE CAN MOVE ON NOW

Wylan: I’m curious too!

Matthias: This is entertaining

Kaz: IT’S NOTHING! N O T H I N G AND INEJ IS A LIAR

Inej: Kaz, stop trying to grab my phone!!!

Kaz: Then keep your mouth shut!

Inej: KAZ NAMED HIS HAIR

Wylan: ...

Jesper: Wait wait wait... he named his hair?!

Kaz: NO I DIDN’T! 

Nina: Ooh, what did you name it, Kaz?

Kaz: Nina, SHUT IT. And Inej, you are so dead

Inej: I doubt that.

Matthias: This is amazing

Jesper: Inej, what did he name it?

Kaz: DON’T TELL THEM

Inej: He named it Riley

Kaz: LIES, I TELL YOU! LIES!

Jesper: 😂😂😂

Nina (Waffles4Ever) has reset name to Riley.

Riley: I’m Kaz’s hair :D :D and Kaz is a creepy psychopath who’s in love with Inej

Kaz: I **** hate you. 

Wylan: This is awesome. Wait, I have an idea!

Wylan (Van Sunshine) has reset Riley (Waffles4ever)’s name to Nina.

Wylan (VanSunshine) has reset Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley.

Nina: Awwww

Riley: NO! JUST NO!

Riley (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz.

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset Inej (ItsyBitsSpider)’s name to TRAITOR

Kaz: Much better.

TRAITOR: 😏

TRAITOR  (ItsyBitsySpider) has reset Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley4life

Riley4life: You little...

Jesper: I love how the rest of us are just watching all this happen

Matthias: Best not to get involved.

Riley4life (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to KAZ

KAZ: NOW NO ONE CHANGE IT

Nina (Waffles4ever) has reset KAZ (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree

Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree: That is so wrong on so many levels...

Jesper: And here I thought Kaz was as straight as his cane

Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree: Shut it, Fahey

Riley and Kaz sitting in a tree (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz.

Kaz: Next person to change my name gets kicked from the chat group.

Jesper: Sure.

Kaz: And no one will say a word about this

Jesper: Why are you looking at me?

Wylan: Why do you think, Jes?

Jesper: I DON’T KNOWWWWW

Kaz: I’m going back to bed...

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Jesper: Hey guys?

Inej: What?

Jesper: Wanna play ‘never have I ever’?

Kaz: Is this going to end like truth or dare did?

Jesper: No. Facing Kaz’s wrath once is enough

Nina: It’s not fair, Kaz never gets mad at Inej

Wylan: Agreed.

Inej: I’m just that much better then all of you

Jesper: Haha, suuuuuure

Matthias: You’ve got the advantage of Kaz being in love with you

Kaz: THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER. Let’s play.

Matthias: Never have I ever eaten Nina’s biscuits.

Inej: I have!

Nina: I have, obviously.

Kaz: I did, once. They were gross.

Nina: EXCUSE ME, HOW DID YOU GET THEM?!

Kaz: I opened the box, picked one up, and ate it.

Jesper: So you stole it.

Kaz: Basically.

Nina: I hate you, Brekker

Jesper: She won’t share them with me!

Kaz: You’ll get over it. Okay... never have I ever kissed Jesper Fahey

Matthias: Saints no

Nina: I mean he’s cute and all but I’ve got Matty instead

Jesper: Is it possible to kiss yourself?

Kaz: nO

Jesper: Well Wylan’s kissed me many times

Wylan: Did you really have to say that?

Nina: And we all know Inej hasn’t because her heart belongs to Kaz

Inej: Actually...

Kaz: WHAT?!

Inej: It was one time! And it was a dare!

Matthias: This just got interesting

Jesper: You do realize Kaz will never forgive us for this, don’t you?

Kaz: JESPER LLEWELYN FAHEY, GET OVER HERE

Inej! He’ll forgive me. He won’t forgive you.

Jesper: HELP MEEEEEE

Nina: They’ll be busy for a while. Never have I ever actually thought Kaz’s schemes would work

Inej: Nope, I think we were all just extremely lucky

Kaz: Excuse me, my plans are flawless

Matthias: I knew we were doomed from the moment he started talking

Wylan: They were a bit of a long shot...

Inej: Jesper’s just laying on the ground moaning

Kaz: Good.

Inej: Kaz, be nice. Never have I ever almost died

Nina: What about that time Oomen stabbed you?

Inej: That doesn’t count. I was fine, like I said.

Matthias: How about that fight with Dunyasha?

Inej: Nina caught me. I didn’t almost die

Nina: Excuse me, you fell 20 stories! If that’s not almost dying, I don’t know what is.

Inej: It was 21 stories.

Kaz: You almost died. Face it.

Inej: I ALMOST ALMOST DIED. I DIDN’T ALMOST DIE.

Wylan: What’s the difference?!

Nina: I have no idea...

Inej: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE

Kaz: FACE IT, WRAITH

Inej: NEVER!

Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) has left the chat.

 

Chapter Text

Alright, I need ideas, so if you guys have any requests, put them here! Thanks!
Pleeeese gimme requests
I NEED THEM because I’m so uncreative

Have a weird little thing.

Wylan: *looking at Kuwei* Die
Inej: ...it doesn’t work like that.
Wylan: Die die die die
Kuwei: Hello, Wylan.
Wylan: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
Kaz: I have taught him well.

Chapter Text

 

Jesper: Morning, Sunshine

Wylan: Jesper... It’s 3 am... why are you texting me at 3 am?!

Jesper: ...

Jesper: That’s a good question

Wylan: I’m going back to bed...

Jesper: No!

Jesper: WYLAN!

Jesper: SUNSHINE, WAKE UP

Jesper: WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN WYLAN

Wylan: Stopppppp I’m trying to sleep

Jesper: Haha! I have succeeded! My incredibly good looks have awoken you. Awaken? Woke uppen? Awoketh? Awakeneth?

Wylan: ...

Wylan: It’s too early for this...

Jesper: It’s never too early for my beautiful face

Wylan: I will actually block you

Jesper: You wouldn’t. 😏

Wyaln: I will if you don’t let me sleep!

Jesper: Sleep is for the weak

Wylan: You sounds like Kaz.

Jesper: But more handsome

Wylan: Fine, whatever...

Jesper: He admits it! Haha!

Wylan: Shut up.

Kuwei (ImBack) has joined the chat.

Wylan: Oh no..

Kuwei: Hello.

Jesper: Kuwei... why are you here?

Kuwei: I thought I’d see what my boyfriend is doing

Wylan: SOMEONE PLEASE BLOCK HIM 

Jesper: ...um...

Wylan: Kuwei, GO AWAY

Kuwei: I’d rather not

Wylan: JESPER, MAKE HIM LEAVE

Kuwei: Jesper won’t do that. He loves me.

Jesper: ....Kuwei, you know I have a boyfriend?

Kuwei: Yes. It’s me.

Jesper: Um, no. It’s Wylan.

Kuwei: People die. All the time.

Kuwei (ImBack) has left the chat.

Wylan: I’m scared.

Jesper: Don’t worry, he’s just kidding

Wylan: Yeah, you’re probably right.

5 minutes later...

Wylan: JESPER HELP THERE’S SOMEONE AT MY WINDOW

 

Chapter Text

Nina: Alright, which one of you idiots took the charging cord?

Inej: Not me.

Kaz: Get another fricking charging cord

Wylan: You know it seems kinda stupid that we only bought one for all of us to share

Matthias: I’m sorry, have you met us? We are the embodiment of stupidity.

Nina: Well my phone is gonna die, so which one of you have it?!

Jesper: Please don’t turn this into another guessing game...

Kaz: One of us has to have it. Who used it last?

Wylan: Wait, who has the most battery left?

Inej: 97%

Wylan: Mine’s 77%

Matthias: 52%

Kaz: 80%

Nina: 2% and it’s gonna die if ya don’t hurry up

Jesper: 16%

Nina: INEJ! YOU EVIL TRAITOR-

Inej: Hey! That’s not exactly fair. I rarely use my phone, so obviously I’d have more left. Jesper goes through his phone’s whole battery before I even go down 1%

Jesper: Excuse me, your phone is just better

Kaz: Her phone is 5 years older than your phone, Jesper

Jesper: Oh. Riiiiight...

Matthias: I think Kaz has it and is just doing this to annoy us

Kaz: That’s possible.

Nina: BREKKER GET YOUR FACE OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU

Wylan: Kaz, if you have it, can you please say so?

Kaz: Nah I’m good

Nina: THIS ISN’T UP FOR NEGOTIATION!

Inej: Nina, you can’t ask Kaz to do something and expect him to do it

Nina: Technically, Wylan asked him.

Wylan: Inej, maybe you should ask

Inej: 🙄 Kaz, dearest, would you kindly return the charging cord to Nina Zenik so that she may replenish her phone’s battery?

Matthias: Awwww

Kaz: Alright but I’ll need Jesper to give it to me first.

Jesper: Hey! Kaz!

Kaz: You’re literally sitting right next to me laughing about it. I thought it’d get you to shut up

Nina: JESPER! HERE. NOW. 

Jesper: But now she’s gonna kill me!

Kaz: Not if you don’t die

Jesper: That’s what kill me means, you idiot

Kaz: You’ll survive

Matthias: That’s not how that works...

Jesper: HELP, SHE FOUND ME!

Inej: Good luck!

Wylan: He’ll need it...

 

Chapter Text

 

Nina: Matttyyyyyyy

Matthias: What now?

Nina: I’m hungryyyyyyy

Matthias: Get yourself some food, then

Nina: But Kaz is standing next to the fridge glaring at me. It’s creepy.

Matthias: Well I’m not going over there

Nina: Don’t you love me??

Matthias: Yes, dear, but I’m not messing with Brekker.

Nina: Jesper would get it for me...

Matthias: Fine! I’m going, sheesh

Nina: Yay!

Matthias: This is a one-time thing, alright?

Nina: That’s what you said about kissing me, but it happened many, many times

Matthias: Would you shut up?

Nina: I’d rather not

Matthias: Please?

Nina: NEVER

Matthias: Well now Kaz is smirking at me, thanks a lot

Nina: Wait, he’s smirking? That’s never good.

Matthias: More like grinning, actually. Inej is doing it too

Nina: Ignore them. Also, this waffle is delicious! 

Matthias: Can I at least have a thank-you?

Nina: Thank you, Tulip-face

Matthias: Please don’t

Nina: My little drüskelle

Matthias: You can stop now

Nina: Matty Catty

Matthias: What does that even- I don’t want to know...

Nina: The best kisser in all of Ketterdam

Matthias: 

Nina: Aside from Jesper, of course

Matthias: Oh yeah, and how would you know?

Matthias: Wait, don’t answer that

Jesper: She’s got a good point there

Nina: ...

Matthias: ...

Nina: Um, how much of that did you hear?

Jesper: The whole thing

Matthias: Frick.

Kaz: That’s an understandable response.

Nina: Not you too!

Matthias: Nina, love, I think we sent this to the group chat...

Nina: ...oops

Jesper: Don’t worry, Tulip-face. We won’t tell anyone

Matthias: Shut up

Wylan: You say that a lot, don’t you?

Nina: It’s his favourite sentence

Matthias: It is not.

Inej: Then what is? “Nina, I love you?”

Matthias: I hate you

Kaz: You’d be surprised how often people tell us that

Matthias (WolfBoy13) has rage-quit the chat.

Chapter Text

Inej: Good morning, everyone

Kaz: Hello.

Jesper: You guys think Kaz remembered?

Nina: Nah

Kaz: Remembered what?

Matthias: Did he forget again?

Kaz: What did I forget?!

Inej: Do you know what day it is, Kaz?

Kaz: It’s Tuesday, July 7th

Wylan: That’s not what she means

Nina: I can’t believe he forgot again

Kaz: Is it Christmas already?

Matthias: Of course not, you idiot

Inej: Here we go...

Kaz: Is it Halloween?

Jesper: It’s not flipping October, Kaz

Kaz: New Years?

Inej: NO

Kaz: Easter?

Nina: He really doesn’t remember, does he?

Inej: He does this every year. I’m used to it.

Kaz: Hanukkah?

Jesper: Nope

Kaz: I swear if it’s international Jesper day, I’m going to kill someone

Wylan: No, that was last week

Kaz: Thank the saints. Is it Kerch Day?

Nina: No.

Kaz: Day of the Dead? 

Wylan: No

Kaz: Is it some stupid Saints day?

Inej: 🙄 No, Kaz

Kaz: Djel Day?

Matthias: That’s not a thing

Kaz: Pi Day?

Wylan: I wish...

Jesper: Hey guys, if pi goes on forever, does that mean Pi Day never ends?

Inej: Jesper?

Jesper: Yeah?

Inej: Shut up.

Kaz: I’m running out of ideas here. Is it Spider Day?

Nina: ...Don’t think that exists

Inej: Of course it does

Kaz: Waffle day?

Nina: EVERY DAY IS WAFFLE DAY

Jesper: It’s not waffle day

Kaz: Everyone keeps secrets from their favourite person day?

Inej: You’re impossible

Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has joined the chat

Nikolai: IMPROBABLE!!!

Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has left the chat

Nina: ...so that was random

Kaz: Wait

Kaz: I think I know

Inej: Guys I think he actually remebered

Kaz: It’s April Fool’s day, isn’t it? This is all a joke

Inej: NO!

Kaz: Well I don’t know!!!

Inej: It’s my birthday, Kaz.

Kaz: 😐

Kaz: 😑

Kaz: ...

Kaz: ...You gonna say April Fools or what?

 

Chapter Text

Jesper: Let’s play a game

Wylan: How come all of our conversations start like this...?

Kaz: And end with me almost killing someone?

Inej: Hey, I’ll play

Nina: Me too

Kaz: Fine...

Matthias: Alright.

Wylan: So what’s the game?

Jesper: We have to pretend to be each other. Like do impressions of each other

Nina: Who wants to see my Kaz Brekker impression??

Kaz: NO

Inej: Do it, Nina!

Nina: “I’m Kaz and I despise everyone except Inej because she’s beautiful. She’s almost as beautiful as my thirty million kruge. Oh Ineeeejjjjjjj I luuuvvvv youuuuu”

Wylan: That was wonderful

Kaz: THIS GAME IS OVER

Matthias: You have to admit it was accurate

Jesper: My turn! 

Jesper: “JESPER LLEWELYN FAHEY GET OVER HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU!”

Nina: Flawless

Kaz: I do not sound like that

Inej: Ehhh you kinda do 

Kaz: I bet Inej can do a decent impression of me

Inej: Alright.

Inej: “All I care about is my THIRTY MILLION FRICKING KRUGE”

Kaz: You’re all disappointments

Jesper: Thank you.

Kaz: Wylan, help me out here

Wylan: Useless merchling”

Kaz: 😐 I’m afraid to ask Matthias’s version

Matthias: “You can’t break into the Ice Court, they said. It’s impossible, they said. But when people say impossible, they usually mean improbable.”

Nina: It’s like Kaz and Nikolai Lantsov combined

Inej! I think Nikolai is basically the happy version of Kaz

Kaz: I am nothing like Nikolai. He’s an annoying reckless jerk 

Wylan: You just described yourself-

Kaz: No one asked you, Wylan

Inej: But-

Kaz: This discussion is over

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has deleted the chat group

Chapter Text

Jesper: I have a question none of you will get right.

Kaz: That’s impossible.

Jesper: Oh yeah? What goes in a toaster?

Kaz: Bread, obviously

Jesper: See, you think it’s toast, but really- oh. Very well, then

Jesper: You're still wrong

Inej: Then what’s the answer?

Jesper: Uncooked toast.

Kaz: 😑

Inej: Ask me!

Jesper: Inej, what goes in a toaster

Inej: Uncooked fricking toast

Jesper: Wrong. Bread goes in a toaster

Inej: That’s cheating-

Jesper: Inej, Kaz, what goes in a toaster?

Kaz: Uncooked toast!!!

Inej: Bread!!!

Jesper: You’re both wrong. Cooked dough goes in a toaster

Kaz: NO ONE CALLS IT FRICKING COOKED DOUGH

Inej: There’s no right answer!

Jesper: Of course there is. Nina, what goes in a toaster?

Nina: WAFFLES

Jesper: And there you have it: Nina Zenik is smarter than both Kaz and Inej

Inej: RIGGED

Kaz: Jesper, what goes in a toaster?

Jesper: Good question

Kaz: Your hand when I catch you

Jesper: ...

Kaz: You can have a three second head start if it makes you feel better

 

Chapter Text

Jesper: Wow, there sure were a lot of kaz-ualties from the fire

Wylan: Not again...

Kaz: You do this just to annoy us, don’t you?

Jesper: Of corpse not!

Inej: Please no...

Kaz: Stop making references to me being a killer

Jesper: I’m being dead serious, Kaz

Kaz: I am going to kill you

Jesper: Now Wy would you ever do that?

Wylan: Don’t drag me into this!!

Matthias: SOMEONE MAKE HIM SHUT UP

Jesper: You’re not Jes-perate for more puns?

Nina: Now he’s doing them about himself...

Inej: This will probably last a while

Jesper: What the Helvar are you guys talking about? My jokes are amazing!

Matthias: NO NO NO NO NO

Jesper: I’m just winging it here

Nina: And he’s onto the crow puns

Jesper: Caw-mon, Nina, this is fun!

Kaz: Should I block him?

Jesper: Colm down, Kaz. 

Wylan: MAKE IT STOP

Kaz: Jesper, you’re getting kicked from the chat group

Jesper: But Kaz! It’ll brekk my heart!

Inej: Wait, I wanna hear these ones

Jesper: I’ll tell you more after Brekkfast

Kaz: THAT’S IT

Jesper: Do you Nina hug, Kaz?

Jesper (KazSucks) has been kicked from the chat group.

Chapter Text

I am completely out of ideas
Help!
Sorry, this isn’t an update 😂

Chapter Text

Nikolai (HandsomePirate) has added Zoya (KazSucks2), Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) and Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat.

Kaz: What is this...?

Kaz: Also, why the hell is Zoya here? And why is her username ‘KazSucks2’?!

Zoya: Unfortunately, KazSucks was already taken

Inej: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Jesper’s username is that

Nikolai: Well, how is my favourite couple of crows doing?

Kaz: ...

Kaz: We aren’t a couple

Nikolai: Yes, you keep telling yourselves that.

Zoya: Why is Brekker here, Nikolai?

Nikolai: We went over this already. We need to make sure they don’t go on any more crazy missions to Ice Courts

Zoya: Why don’t we let them? Then they can finally die

Nikolai: Zoya, if we let them go on another mission, they’ll come back rich and more famous than me!

Kaz: I’m already more famous than you. Richer, too.

Nikolai: That’s impossible.

Zoya: Never thought I’d hear him say that...

Inej: Guys, stop arguing. Kaz, be nice. Nikolai, be less annoying. Zoya, be less sarcastic.

Nikolai: *gasps* I’m offended, Wraith. You think this handsome, talented man is annoying?

Kaz: Yes.

Nikolai: Your name isn’t Wraith.

Inej: Yes.

Nikolai: ...

Nikolai: 😕

Zoya: Get over it, Lantsov. 

Kaz: Look, why are we here? We have much better things to do!

Inej: Well actually-

Kaz: Shut up, Inej

Zoya: Please remind me how they broke into the Ice Court

Nikolai: Luck. Lots and lots of luck.

Kaz: It wasn’t luck. It was flawless planning.

Inej: Well actually-

Kaz: Stop saying that

Inej: You did get me captured...

Nikolai: They’re so cute together. I ship this so hard

Zoya: Stop acting like a 17-year-old girl

Inej: I find this offensive 

Zoya: That was the point

Nikolai: Honestly, Zoya, between you and Kaz, you could rob the whole world of any happiness whatsoever

Kaz: Honestly, Nikolai, between you and Jesper, you could annoy the whole world to death

Nikolai: Why does everyone think I’m annoying?!

Zoya: Because you are.

Nikolai: I may be annoying, BUT I ALSO HAVE A FLYING SHIP

Nikolai: DO YOU HAVE A FLYING SHIP?

Nikolai: I DON’T THINK SO

Kaz: You know what I do have?

Nikolai: What?

Kaz: A girlfriend.

Inej: ...

Kaz: ...

Zoya: ... are you saying I’m not his girlfriend?

Nikolai: ...

Kaz: ... would you believe me if I said autocorrect changed my text?

Nikolai: No, probably not

Zoya: I took a screenshot of this and I’m going to send it to everyone

Kaz: NO

Inej: YES SHE HAS PROOF HAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSS

Kaz: I’M NEVER GOING TO HEAR THE END OF THIS FROM JESPER, PLEASE DON’T-

Zoya (KazSucks2) has deleted the chat group.

Chapter Text

Zoya (KazSucks2) has added Nikolai (HandsomePirate), Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge), Jesper (KazSucks), Wylan (VanSunshine), Nina (Waffles4ever), Matthias (WolfBoy13) and Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat.

Zoya (KazSucks2) sent a picture.

Jesper: Wow, Kaz

Kaz: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SEND IT

Zoya: Who says I have to listen to you?

Kaz: ME!

Inej: ...that's not really how it works

Nina: YES! HE ADMITS IT!!

Kaz: It was a typo, shut up

Jesper: What, did you mean to say you have a boyfriend?

Kaz: I thought you were done with your 'oh Kaz is so handsome' phase

Wylan: Wait, that was a thing?

Nikolai: Is there a 'oh Nikolai is so handsome' phase?

Jesper: Kaz, Wylan, that was never a thing. Nikolai, maybe.

Kaz: Just like kissing Kuwei wasn’t a thing?

Jesper: You know about that?!

Kaz: Please, I was there

Matthias: How did Kaz manage to change this from a conversation about Kanej to a conversation about Kuwei and Jesper?

Inej: Let's talk about how I'm Kaz's girlfriend now

Kaz: Not you too...

Nina: You two are so cute together~

Kaz: Saints no you are not allowed to call me cute

Nikolai: Cute little tiny crow

Kaz: Shut up

Nikolai: So small, so adorable

Kaz: Oh my god no

Nikolai: The Kitten of the Barrel

Kaz: I am going to kill you

Nikolai: Tiny little kitten is making cute, adorable death threats

Kaz: ZOYA MAKE HIM STOP

Zoya: You deserve this.

Wylan: Finally someone other than me is being called cute

Jesper: Hey Sunshine

Wylan: Please no-

Jesper: How is the most beautiful boy in the world doing?

Nikolai: Quite well, you?

Wylan: 😕

Jesper: Nikolai, stay out of this.

Kuwei (ImBack) has joined the chat.

Kuwei: I’m doing well, thank you

Wylan: :(

Jesper: Oh for Saints sake...

Kuwei (ImBack) has been kicked from the chat.

Kaz: Alright, can we just all forget this happened and move on?

Inej: Not a chance

Kaz: 😕

Inej: Don’t give me that look

Kaz: ☹️

Inej: No no no no

Kaz: 😖

Inej: Stop that

Kaz: 🥺

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has been kicked from the chat.

Chapter Text

Genya (QueenOfScars) has added Nikolai (HandsomePirate), David (π3.14159), Nina (Waffles4ever) and Matthias (WolfBoy13) to the chat.

Genya: Hello!

Nina: Genya!!

Genya: Hiiiii

Nina: I miss you!!

Genya: Me toooooo

Nikolai: Does anyone miss me?

David: No.

Matthias: No.

Nikolai: :(

Nina: Grow up, Lantsov

Nikolai: Why does no one like me?

David: Zoya likes you.

Genya: 😂

Nina: Why isn’t Zoya here?

Genya: She’s busy arguing with Dirtyhands.

Nikolai: I want a cool nickname too

Nina: How about asshole?

Nikolai: Alas, I was expecting something more...Nikolai-y

Matthias: That sounds pretty Nikolai-y to me

Nikolai: I feel like the whole world is turned against me

Nina: You haven’t been pulled into one of Brekker’s schemes. I think things are going pretty well for you so far

Genya: I can see Nikolai and Kaz teaming up, and basically either destroying the world or saving it

Nina: Kaz would probably kill Nikolai for being annoying

Nikolai: I swear if one more person calls me annoying-

Matthias: You’re annoying

Nikolai: And you’ve just been exiled from Ravka

Genya: I don’t think you can do that

David: Technically, it’s within his rights as king and sovereign to do just that. According to the Ravkan-

Nina: We don’t need a whole explanation, Kostyk

David: Fine. 

Nina: Have any of you had Kerch waffles?

Matthias: Far too many times, thanks to you

Nikolai: Nope

Genya: No

David: I don’t like waffles

Nina: WHAT?!

Matthias: David! She’s not going to shut up now!

David: I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?

Nina: HE DOESN’T LIKE WAFFLES! HOW?! THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING EVER!!!

Nikolai: ...Alright then, she’s passionate about waffles

Nina: WAFFLES ARE DELICIOUS! KOSTYK, YOU’RE CRAZY!

Matthias: This may take a while... 

Genya: *sigh*

Nina: THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN WAFFLES IS MATTHIAS! AND THAT’S A VERY CLOSE CONTEST THERE!

Nikolai: Can you make her shut up?

Matthias: I don’t think so, no.

Nikolai: Alright then.

Nina: WAFFLES ARE THE ONLY REASON I LIVE! THEY’RE AMAZING, AND YOU-

Nina (Waffles4ever) has been kicked from the chat.

Chapter Text

Nina: Who knows what day it is?

Jesper: JESPER DAY!

Kaz: Please no...

Inej: It’s not Jesper day.

Kaz: Phew

Jesper: Awww...

Nina: Any other guesses?

Wylan: Library day?

Jesper: WYLAN DAY!

Nina: No! It’s Embarrass Matthias Day!

Matthias: OH NO

Nina: Oh yes

Kaz: There better not be an ‘embarrass Kaz Brekker day’

Nina: Oh, there is. That’s tomorrow

Kaz: Well frick

Matthias: Please don’t do this to me, Nina

Nina: You did this to yourself when you ate the LAST WAFFLE!

Jesper: Actually, that was me.

Inej: Why would you say that...?

Nina: ...

Nina: I’ll kill you after we embarrass Matthias

Jesper: Okay!

Kaz: Please do.

Nina: So the goal of the game is to make Matthias quit the chat. Understand?

Matthias: Not happening.

Nina: Here we go!

Inej: I feel like Nina is the only one with actual dirt on Tulip-Face

Kaz: aHeM wHaT aBoUt Me

Inej: You don't count

Nina: Sooooo Matttyyyyy

Matthias: Don’t do that

Nina: I luuuuuvvvvv youuuuuu

Matthias: Please stop.

Nina: You're soooo handsommeeeeee

Jesper: What about me?!

Nina: You're alright too

Jesper: Yay

Matthias: I didn't even eat the waffle!!

Nina: But you didn't kiss me goodnight like you always do!!!

Inej: Awww

Wylan: Awwwwwwwww

Kaz: Gross

Matthias: Shut up

Wylan: Awwwwwwwwwwwww

Nina: This is gonna be FUN

Matthias: Kaz help me

Kaz: Let me think about that.... no.

Jesper: Hey Mattyyyyy

Matthias: Oh my god no you’re not allowed to call me that-

Wylan: Mattyyyyyyy

Jesper: MATTTYYYYYY

Matthias: SHUT UPPPP

Nina: MATTTTTYYYYYY

Inej: MATTTYYYYY

Matthias: NO NOT YOU TOO INEJ

Kaz: Hey Matty

Matthias: -_-

Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Matthias (WolfBoy13)’s name to MATTY.

MATTY: I hate all of you

Nina: Even me?

MATTY: ...no

Nina: I love you too

MATTY: I didn’t say-

Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed MATTY (WolfBoy13)’s name to Matty loves Nina.

Matty loves Nina: WYLAN!!!

Wylan: 😁

Kaz: This is entertaining

Nina: You’re next, Kaz

Kaz: You have nothing on me. N-o-t-h-i-n-g

Matty loves Nina: How much longer is this day anyway?

Inej: 23 hours and 27 minutes, Tulip

Matty loves Nina: ...

Matty loves Nina (WolfBoy13) has rage-quit the chat.

Chapter Text

Nina: Finally, the day has arrived!

Kaz: What are you even talking about

Inej: Did you forget already, Kaz?

Jesper: IT’S EMBARRASS KAZ DAY!

Kaz: Wait what I thought you guys were joking about that

Nina: Nope!

Matthias: This is payback.

Kaz: You wish. You guys have NOTHING on me. 

Nina: Oh, or do we?

Kaz: ...........

Wylan: Can we start?

Nina: Yep!

Kaz: This should be boring

Jesper: Sooo Kazzzzyyyy

Kaz: Don’t call me that

Jesper: How are things going with Inej?

Inej: Ohhhhh, so that’s how this is gonna go

Kaz: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jesper

Nina: Do you luvvvvv her?

Kaz: Ew no

Wylan: Matthias says he saw you guys kissing

Kaz: ...

Inej: ...

Kaz: ...

Inej: ...

Kaz: I’M GONNA KILL HIM

Matthias: Go ahead

Jesper: Anyway Kaz you said she was your girlfriend didn’t you?

Kaz: I did not say that

Inej: Well actually-

Kaz: Would you stop fricking saying that?

Nina: Are you cheating on her?

Kaz: We are not a fricking thing!

Wylan: Inej I think he’s cheating on you

Inej: This is hilarious. Sorry, Kaz

Kaz: Whatever. Can this game be over now?

Jesper: No way

Nina: We’re not done yet

Kaz: Well hurry up

Wylan: I saw Kaz write Inej’s name all over a piece of paper once

Kaz: MERCHLING I SAID IF YOU TOLD ANYONE-

Inej: Awww Kaz, are you standing up for me?

Kaz: No, beautiful, I’m standing up for myself

Nina: HE CALLED HER BEAUTIFUL!

Kaz: What?! No I didn’t!!

Inej: Well actually-

Kaz: I swear if you say that one more time...

Jesper: Face it Kaz you called her beautiful

Kaz: DID NOT

Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Inej (ItsyBitsySpider)’s name to *Beautiful*

*Beautiful*: Alrighty then

Kaz: .-.

Wylan: Wait, I know!

Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Kaz Ghafa

Kaz Ghafa: This is so wrong yet so right at the same time

*Beautiful*: 😂

Kaz Ghafa: Okay let’s go kill Wylan

Kaz Ghafa (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz.

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has changed *Beautiful* (ItsyBitsySpider)’s name to Inej.

Kaz: Much better

Matthias: Guys, this isn’t working very well. He’s not rage-quitting the chat like I did.

Kaz: That’s because I am emotionless 

Nina: Inej, you should try to embarrass him

Inej: Alright

Kaz: NO

Inej: Hey Kaz?

Kaz: NO NO NO NO

Inej: I love you

Kaz: ...

Kaz:  ...........

Nina: OMG GUYS HE’S BLUSHING

Kaz: I AM NOT

Nina: YES YOU ARE!!!

Wylan: You totally are

Jesper: Awwwwwwwwwww

Kaz: SHUT UP I DO NOT BLUSH

Kaz: I AM NOT A WYLAN

Wylan: Hey!

Jesper: You’re blushing, Kaz

Kaz: I’M NOT!!!

Kaz: HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP

Wylan: You don’t

Jesper: Covering your face isn’t helping you any 😂

Kaz: 🗡

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has emotionlessly quit the chat.

Jesper: How did he get it to say that...?

Wylan: He’s Kaz. He probably blackmailed the phone into lying for him

Inej: Okay let’s go bother him some more

Chapter Text

Nina: Kaz can you go grocery shopping?

Kaz: Um no

Nina: Come on!

Jesper: We’re all too comfortable to get up

Wylan: And I want more Doritos

Kaz: You don’t need fricking Doritos, Wylan

Wylan: Yes I do

Matthias: Just go get Wylan his Doritos

Kaz: If I can go days without eating or sleeping, Wylan can go 5 minutes without Doritos

Inej: Kazzzz

Kaz: What?

Inej: I want Doritos too

Kaz: ...

Kaz: Oh fine

-later-

Kaz: Okay I’m at the grocery store. What do you guys want anyway?

Nina: Get some Eggo’s! 

Kaz: Do we really need Eggo’s?

Nina: OF COURSE WE DO

Kaz: What kind do you even want

Nina: BLUEBERRY

Kaz: I can’t find the Eggo’s aisle

Matthias: There is no Eggo’s aisle, idiot

Kaz: There where are the flippin Eggo’s?

Kaz: Oh. Found them.

Kaz: Alright. Nina, what else do you want?

Nina: Get some maple syrup!

Kaz: Really?

Nina: YES

Kaz: Nina this thing is 15 kruge for a tiny bottle

Nina: BUY IT

Kaz: No

Nina: COME ON KAZ JUST BUY IT

Kaz: I’m gonna be broke like Jesper

Jesper: Hey!

Inej: Nina, can you go without maple syrup for once?

Nina: ...

Nina: Fine. But I want ice cream

Kaz: I’m not buying ice cream

Nina: Yes you are

Kaz: No I’m not

Nina: Inejjjjj

Inej: Kaz, get Nina some ice cream

Kaz: No

Kaz: Maybe if she wanted to buy an actual meal...

Nina: I WANT ICE CREAM

Kaz: GO TO THE DAIRY BAR AND BUY SOME THEN

Nina: I’M BROKE

Kaz: OF COURSE YOU ARE! YOU WASTED ALL YOUR MONEY ON ICE CREAM!

Nina: ...

Nina: Fair point

Kaz: 🙄 Wylan, Inej, what kind of Doritos do you guys want?

Wylan: Cool Ranch!

Inej: One, ew. Two, I want the nacho cheese ones

Kaz: I’m only buying one bag so make up your minds

Wylan: GET THE COOL RANCH ONES

Inej: DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, HE’S CRAZY

Wylan: I WANT MY COOL RANCH DORITOS

Inej: KAZ YOU LOVE ME GET THE NACHO CHEESE ONES

Kaz: Okay no Doritos for either of you

Inej: NOOOOOOO

Wylan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kaz: Fine I’ll buy you your stupid Doritos, just stop that screeching

Inej: Yay!

Wylan: DORITOS!!!

Kaz: Okay, can we actually buy some real food now?

Jesper: Get hotdogs

Kaz: Not really what I had in mind

Jesper: Get hotdogs anyway

Kaz: Why am I even here

Kaz: I could be happily counting my kruge

Kaz: But noooo, I have to go grocery shopping for a bunch of spoiled teenagers

Jesper: Still waiting on those hotdogs

Kaz: Still waiting for you to shut up

Jesper:  hotdogs, hotdogs, hotdogs,

Inej:  hotdogs! hotdogs! hotdogs!

Wylan:  Hotdogs! Hotdogs! Hotdogs!

Nina:  HOTDOGS! HOTDOGS! HOTDOGS!

Matthias: I prefer sausages

Kaz: NO

Kaz: I’M NOT GETTING FRICKING HOTDOGS, AND I’M NOT GETTING SAUSAGES

Jesper: Hotdogs... I’ll miss you...

Kaz: .-.

Kaz: One package

Kaz: That’s it

Jesper: YESSSSS HOTDOGS!

Kaz: Any-saintsforsaken-thing else?

Matthias: Apples

Kaz: Finally something sensible-

Matthias: The ones that are orange

Kaz: 

Kaz: Those are oranges

Matthias: Yeah whatever buy some of those

Kaz: I swear I live with the biggest bunch of idiots on earth

Matthias: So about those oranges

Kaz: They’re in the cart, Helvar.

Matthias: Good

Kaz: Does anyone else want anything?

Jesper: Can you get juice

Kaz: Fine

Jesper: Wow that was easy

Inej: Are you buying anything for yourself, Kaz?

Kaz: Let’s see... of course 90% of the stuff in here is for me and you guys don’t get any of it

Wylan: That’s not fair!

Kaz: Of course it is

Kaz: I’m on my way home anyway so ha

Inej: Did you even pay for any of it...?

Kaz: Of course not

-a while later-

Jesper: ...

Jesper: Kaz this ain’t juice this is a bottle of water

Kaz: No actually that’s poison

Jesper: 

Jesper: WYLAN, KAZ IS TRYING TO KILL ME

Chapter Text

Alright...
Here we go...
So I’m not going to be updating this too much for the next few weeks for a number of reasons.
1. I started working on a different fanfic (Christmas With the Crows) and it’ll be taking up a lot of my time
2. I’ve got lots of softball games and practices
3. My friend committed suicide. And I’m trying to deal with that.
So yeah
Sorry guys

Chapter Text

Kaz: Where are you guys and why is it taking so long for you to get to the waffle restaurant?

Inej: Almost there

Jesper: ...we're lost

Wylan: Yeah...

Nina: Me and Matthias are lost too

Kaz: Seriously?

Inej: Oh frick

Kaz: What now??

Inej: Where even am I...

Kaz: You’re lost too??

Inej: No!

Inej: Okay fine yes

Jesper: Kaz, can you give us directions?

Kaz: Don’t you have a GPS?

Wylan: It died

Nina: I don’t have one

Inej: Me neither

Kaz: Alright, fine. Let’s start with Jes and Wylan. Where are you guys??

Jesper: Ummm

Wylan: I think we’re near a school

Kaz: What school?

Wylan: I don’t know, I can’t read, idiot

Jesper: Lantsov Intermediate School

Kaz: ...

Kaz: Wait how did you even get there? That’s on the other side of town!

Wylan: Well Jesper got pulled over by the police for ‘hazardous driving’. Then they chased us for a solid half-hour. 

Jesper: It was not hazardous! It was just a bit fast!!

Wylan: We almost died

Kaz:

Matthias: Remind me never to get in a car with Jesper

Kaz: Alright so... you’re on Aleksander Street?

Jesper: Which one is that?

Kaz: Let’s say you’e on flippin Aleksander Street

Wylan: The sign says Almond Sauce Steer

Jesper: Wylan, no

Wylan: Can you even steer almond sauce?

Jesper: Okay, whatever, we’re going onto Aleksander Street

Kaz: Now keep going until you reach Crow Avenue

Jesper: But which way do I turn?

Kaz: Left

Jesper: Which side is left??

Kaz: THE LEFT SIDE

Jesper: NOT HELPFUL

Kaz: DO THE FLIPPIN THING WITH YOUR HANDS WHERE YOU MAKE THE LETTER L

Jesper: THEY BOTH MAKE AN L

Kaz: ONE IS BACKWARDS, ISN’T IT?

Jesper: YES

Kaz: DON’T TURN THAT WAY

Jesper: You could have just said that-

Jesper: Oops

Kaz: What?

Wylan: Jesper just ran into a stop sign

Wylan: Someone come save me before he kills us both

Inej: Jesper, stop driving like you’re drunk

Jesper: I very well might be

Inej:

Inej: Kaz, get Wylan out of there

Kaz: I can see them from where I’m standing. They’re fine.

Jesper: ...

Jesper: Frick

Jesper: Oh frick

Jesper: Ohhhhh frick

Nina: What’s wrong?

Jesper: I almost ran over Kaz

Kaz: You’re lucky I have impeccable reflexes

Kaz: Okay time for you to die

Wylan: HELP, KAZ IS STARING THROUGH THE WINDOW AND IT’S CREEPY

Inej: Kaz stop being scary

Kaz: No

Matthias: Oh wow that is creepy

Nina: ...oh no

Inej: Wait what

Nina: Matthias almost ran Kaz over too

Nina: He’s now staring at us

Kaz: I am going to cut all of your fingers off

Kaz: Except for Inej’s because she’s better than you guys

Inej: Yay me :D

Jesper: I think that’s biased-

Inej: OH MY GOD KAZ I’M SO SORRY

Kaz: 

Inej: FRICK KAZ ARE YOU OKAY?

Kaz: 

Jesper: Hahaha Inej almost ran over Kaz too

Kaz:

Kaz: I am going to murder all of you

Chapter Text

Jesper: ROAD TRIP!!!

Kaz: Okay so who’s going with who? Because we’ve got two cars and six of us. 

Nina: Well we’re not letting Jesper drive, because he drives like he’s trying to get us killed

Jesper: :(

Inej: And there’s no way Kaz is driving.

Kaz: Why not?

Inej: Because you also drive like you’re trying to get us all killed!

Kaz: I do not

Wylan: Yes you do.

Jesper: And Inej is too short to see over the steering wheel

Inej: That’s not true-

Jesper: Then go sit in the car and prove it.

Inej:

Inej: I’m good

Nina: And Wylan looks too young to drive, plus he can’t read the street signs.

Wylan: Hey!

Nina: It’s true! You look like you’re thirteen!

Matthias: Well I think Nina and I should drive then.

Kaz: Fine. I’m going with Nina though

Matthias: ...thanks

Jesper: SHOTGUN FOR NINA’S CAR!

Matthias: Hey!

Wylan: I want to go with Jesper and Nina too

Matthias: ...

Matthias: Inej?

Inej: Sorry, Matthias. 

Inej: I’m taking the middle seat of Nina’s car!

Matthias: Fine. I’ll drive alone.

Matthias: I don’t need you guys

Nina: Awwww sorry, Matty

Matthias: Don’t call me that

Kaz: WAIT

Kaz: Wait wait wait

Kaz: I have to sit in the back

Kaz: With other people

Kaz: Next to me?!

Jesper: More specifically, with Inej next to you

Nina: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kaz:

Kaz: Fair enough, let’s go.

Nina: Yay! Road trip!

-time skip-

Inej: At least we put the three smallest people in the back so there’s more room

Wylan: You just insulted everyone in the car

Inej: Whatever

Inej: Also going with Nina is way more fun than going with Matthias just saying

Jesper: Yes this is true

Jesper: I doubt I’d fit in the back, anyway. I’d have to like bend down or something

Inej: Yes, yes, you’re very tall and I’m short, but guess who brought a knife with them? I could cut off a part of your legs so you can see how it feels

Wylan:

Jesper: 

Wylan: I did not need to know that-

Inej: Seriously why aren’t we just talking anyway? We’re all right next to each other

Jesper: Well Kaz’s phone died so he can’t see our texts

Inej:

Inej: Oh.

-time skip-

Wylan: Why did we stop?

Jesper: Nina is getting waffles

Inej: Really?

Jesper: Yes

Inej: ...

Wylan: Is she getting us waffles?

Jesper: No

Inej: She’s taking forever

Jesper :

Jesper: Did she seriously get Matthias waffles but not Jesper waffles?

Wylan: The way you said that sounds like there are waffles shaped like you and Matthias

Inej: XD yeah

Jesper: There should be waffles shaped like me.

-time skip-

Wylan: OMG

Jesper: WHAT?

Inej: Wylan DON’T YOU DARE

Wylan: Kaz fell asleep on Inej!!!

Jesper: REALLY?

Inej: NO NOT REALLY

Jesper: WHOA-

Jesper: He looks actually somewhat happy when he sleeps

Jesper: It’s kind of creepy

Wylan: Awwwwwww

Inej: Shut up!

Nina: AWWWWWWWW

Jesper: AWWWWWWWW

Inej: I still have that knife

Wylan: You can’t use it with Kaz asleep on your lap

Wylan: AWWWWWWWW

Jesper: Man, I bet Matthias’ phone is going crazy

Inej: I’m going to kill you-

Matthias: What is going on? I’m at the campsite and you guys aren’t there!

Jesper: Scroll through the texts, Matthias

Wylan: Also we’re not there yet because Nina drives slow

Inej: And she stopped for waffles

Matthias:

Matthias: So is Kaz actually laying on Inej

Jesper: YES

Inej: NO

Wylan: SHE MEANS YES

Matthias: 

Matthias: Inej

Matthias: Treasure this moment

Matthias: Because Kaz sure as hell isn’t gonna let it happen again

Inej: Shut up

Matthias: And I have one more question

Matthias: Where are the Matthias-shaped waffles?

-3 days later-

Kaz: F*ck you all.

Chapter Text

-3 am-

Inej: Guyyyyyyyyyyyssss

Jesper: No no no you’re supposed to be ASLEEP-

Inej: BUT KAZ IS GONE AND I’M LONELYYYYYY!!! I MISSS HIMMMMMM

Nina: What the heck-

Jesper: NOTHING’S WRONG EVERYTHING IS FINE GO BACK TO BED

Kaz: Jesper. What did you do.

Wylan: Hahaha

Jesper: I did nothing I swear!

Inej: KAAAAAAAAZZZZZ WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO WEIRD

Kaz: JESPER

Kaz: WHAT DID YOU DO TO INEJ

Nina: Oh boy Jesper you’re in trouble 

Inej: JeSpEr Is In TrOuBlE! KaZ iS gOiNg To KiLl HiM

Jesper: Not helping, Wraith...

Inej: 🙃

Kaz: Jesper

Kaz: Explain. Now.

Jesper: So I may or may not have accidentally but sorta on purpose tricked Inej into getting drunk because I thought it would be funny

Matthias: Kaz is going to kill you.

Kaz: 

Kaz: You’re lucky I’m on the other side of Ketterdam right now 

Kaz: When I get back, you’ll be sorry

Jesper: Oh no.

Wylan: Hey Inej, do you like Kaz?

Kaz: MERCHLING, NO-

Inej: Yeeeeeeessss Kaz is soooooooo handsoomeeeeeee

Kaz: ...

Jesper: What about Jesper?

Inej: He’s not as great as Kazzzzzzzzz

Nina: Hahahahaha

Jesper: 😞

Matthias: You guys do realize you’re only digging yourselves deeper into your grave? 

Matthias: Kaz isn’t going to blame Inej for this.

Matthias: He’s gonna blame all of you.

Matthias: Mostly Jesper and Nina.

Nina: We’re all gonna die anyway, Matthias

Jesper: Might as well enjoy it

Wylan: :)

Inej: EVERYONE IS GONNA DIEEEEE

Inej: AND KAZ IS GONNA BE SAAAADDDDD

Inej: HE LOVES YOU GUYSSSSS

Kaz: WRAITH-

Inej: BUT NOT AS MUCH AS HE LOVES ME SO TAKE THAT

Kaz: SHE’S LYING ABOUT ALL OF THAT

Jesper: 😂

Matthias: I don’t want him to love me

Matthias: I have this picture in my head of him hugging me and it’s very wrong

Matthias: I can never erase that

Matthias: Please help-

Kaz: Oh my god no

Nina: I would pay to see that

Kaz:

Kaz: ....how much would you pay

Matthias: NO

Inej: KAZ LOVES HIS MONEY TOOOOO

Nina: Ah I probably don’t have enough for him to do it

Jesper: I’d help but I’m in debt

Wylan: And I don’t want to be the reason Matthias gets hugged because he’d probably throw me off a glacier

Matthias: Thank the saints

Inej: Awwww MATTHIAS LOVES HUGS, DON’T YOU, MATTHIAS?

Matthias: NO, I DON’T.

Jesper: HEY INEJ, WHAT DO KAZ’S HANDS FEEL LIKE?

Kaz: NO—

Inej: THEY’RE REALLY SOFT

Inej: AND WARM

Inej: AND ONE OF HIS FINGERS HAS ONE TINY LITTLE FRECKLE ON IT

Kaz: THAT’S NOT TRUE

Kaz: I DON’T HAVE FRECKLES

Inej: No you has FRECKLE

Inej: ONE

Inej: ON YOUR FINGER

Jesper: Omg I wanna see that

Kaz: I’m sure you’ll get a great view when I strangle you

Wylan: Please don’t

Nina: We need Jesper for fun like this

Inej: FUNNNNNNN

Matthias: Entertainment

Kaz: 

Kaz: I’m going back to bed...

2 hours later-

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Mr. Brekker

Inej: KAZ

Inej: Dirtyhands

Inej: KAZ THE FRECKLE

Inej: ANSWER MEEEEE

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Kaz

Inej: Kaz

Inej: KAZZZZZ

Inej: Handsome-face

Inej: BREKKER

Inej: BREKKER-RIETVELD

Inej: BREKKER-GHAFA

Inej: KAZ GHAFA ANSWER ME

Inej: KAZ GHAFA-BREKKER-RIETVELD

Inej: KAZ FAHEY

Kaz: NO

Kaz (ThiryMillionKruge) has deleted the chat group. 

Chapter Text

Jesper: Okay guys, so my dad wants to be able to text us

Kaz: No

Jesper: But he doesn’t know how to use a phone real well

Kaz: No

Jesper: So we’re gonna have to help him out, okay?

Kaz: No

Inej: Kaz means yes. Of course we’ll help.

Matthias: He’s going to think you’re all crazy

Nina: Matthias, you’re one of us

Nina: He’s going to think you’re crazy too

Matthias: But I’m the only sensible one here

Inej: Excuse me

Wylan: You no longer qualify as sensible after last night, Inej

Kaz: We agreed never to speak of that again

Matthias: Are we also going to ignore the fact that you told Jesper it was an honest mistake and that you overreacted

Kaz: That was sarcasm

Jesper: Yeah, he punched me at least twice afterwards.

Matthias:

Matthias: Oh.

Jesper: Alright, I’m going to get Da on here

Colm (SaveTheFarm) has been blocked from joining the chat.

Jesper: KAZ!

Kaz: I’m the supervisor for all of your accounts, as well as this chat room.

Kaz: I choose who comes in and who stays out

Nina: So THAT’S why my username was changed to “NinaTheAnnoying” when I woke up

Nina: Phew, I thought it was a ghost or something

Jesper: What’s the password?

Kaz: Not telling you

Jesper: It didn’t work

Kaz: That’s not the actual password you idiot-

Inej: The password is CntWait4U2Di

Kaz: INEJ!

Colm (SaveTheFarm) has joined the chat.

Colm: Hello!

Kaz: Uuuuuuugh thanks a lot Inej

Inej: 🙂

Nina: Hello, Jesper’s dad!

Colm: Hello, Nina.

Jesper: So Da, you remember how to check your texts?

Colm: ...

Colm: You can do that?

Wylan: Wow, he really is bad at this

Jesper: WYLAN VAN SUNSHINE, SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Wylan: :)

Colm: Be nice to your boyfriend, Jesper. You wouldn’t want him to dump you.

Inej: OoOoOoOoOoO

Nina: OOOOOOOOOOOOooOooOoOOOoOoO

Kaz: O. O. O. O. O.

Inej: Kaz no, we had this discussion already

Matthias: It hasn’t even been five minuets and Colm probably thinks you’re all insane

Wylan: I can play five minuets if you want

Matthias: 

Matthias: I meant MINUTES-

Colm: So I just click on the text bubble, and I can see what everyone is saying to me?

Nina: Pretty much, yep.

Colm: But what happens if it’s dark outside? How will I see the texts?

Kaz: Oh for all the f*cking saints sake...

Jesper: KAZ

Jesper: NO SWEARING AROUND DA

Kaz: Try and stop me

Kaz: ****

Kaz: WYLAN

Wylan: You’ve lost your swearing privileges.

Inej: 😂

Nina: But wait, I thought Kaz controlled everything 

Wylan: Kuwei taught me how to hack

Nina: Ahh

Kaz: I don’t know where that insane Shu boy learned to hack so well-

Colm: Excuse me, but what’s going on?

Colm: You people type so quickly, it’s hard to keep up

Matthias: Welcome to having large fingers

Inej: Sucks to be you

Jesper: Matthias NO, Da does not have large fingers!!!

Kaz: Then he’s just old

Jesper: NO

Kaz: yEs

Jesper: nO

Kaz: AfFiRmAtIvE

Jesper: nOnOnOnO

Kaz: He has wrinkles. He’s old.

Jesper: YOU HAVE WRINKLES TOO

Jesper: FROM SCOWLING SO MUCH

Kaz: I DO NOT-

Colm: What are they arguing about?

Matthias: You.

Colm: Huh.

Matthias: Welcome to my life.

Nina: :O WE SHOULD BUY COLM SOME WAFFLES

WylanYay!

Jesper: Guys, no

Jesper: Waffle nights always end badly

Inej: Haha Kaz is now trying to find a mirror to check if he actually has wrinkles

Nina: Does he?

Inej: Of course not, but it’s fun to make him paranoid

Colm: ...

Colm: I am so lost

Matthias: Just ignore them.

Matthias: It makes everything much, much easier.

Kaz: Goodbye, Idiotic Waffle

Kaz: Goodbye, naïve merchling idiot

Kaz: Goodbye, drüskelle idiot

Kaz: Goodbye, Llewellyn the idiot

Kaz: Goodbye, Inej

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has left the chat.

Jesper: Anyone else think that seemed a bit biased

Chapter Text

Nina: Who knows what it’s time for?!

Jesper: :O is it finally time?

Kaz: NOOOOO

Kaz: NO I WON’T LET YOU GUYS DO IT

Nina: Jes? Inej?

Inej: YESSSSS

Jesper: YAYYYYY

Wylan: What’s going on...?

Matthias: Oh no

Matthias: It’s texting karaoke night

Nina: TEXTING KARAOKE NIGHT!!!

Kaz: NO

Wylan: Ooh

Wylan: That sounds fun

Jesper: It’s AWESOME

Kaz: IT’S HORRIBLE

Nina: Who’s gonna start?

Inej: We have to start this like we always do. Jesper?

Jesper: Yes I shall do the honours

Jesper: 🎶Well a duck walked up to a lemonade stand🎶

Matthias: NOOOOOOOOO

Matthias: WHAT KIND OF DUCK WANTS LEMONADE

Nina: 🎶And he said to the man runnin’ the stand🎶

Inej: 🎶Hey! Got any grapes?🎶

Kaz: WHAT KIND OF DUCK WANTS GRAPES?!

Jesper: 🎶And the man said “No, we just sell lemonade. But it’s cold, and it’s fresh, and it’s all homemade. Can I get you a glass?”🎶

Wylan: 🎶The duck said, “I’ll pass.”🎶

Inej: Yeah Wylan!

Matthias: NOOOO WHY, WYLAN?

Kaz: The merchling has betrayed us.

Nina: 🎶Then he waddled away, waddle waddle. Then he waddled away, waddle waddle waddle🎶

Kaz: Stupidest song ever

Inej: 🎶Then he waddled away, waddle waddle. Till the very next day🎶

Matthias: Thank Djel it’s over

Jesper: 🎶You sayyyyyyyyyyy🎶

Kaz: NO NOT HAMILTON

Matthias: UGH NO

Wylan: 🎶The price of my love’s not a price that you’re willing to paaaayyyyyy🎶

Nina: 🎶You cryyyyyy🎶

Inej: 🎶In your tea which you hurl by the sea as you see me go byyyyyy🎶

Jesper: 🎶Why so saaaaaad?🎶

Matthias: Maybe because you’re singing this song

Kaz: It is kinda catchy...

Wylan: 🎶Remember we made an arrangement when you went awayyyyyy🎶

Nina: 🎶Now you’re making me maaaaaaaaad🎶

Matthias: You’re making me mad

Inej: 🎶Remember, despite our estrangement, I’m your man🎶

Jesper: 🎶YOU’LL BE BACK🎶

Wylan: 🎶SOON YOU’LL SEE🎶

Nina: 🎶YOU’LL REMEMBER YOU BELONG TO MEEEEE🎶

Kaz: Oh no...

Inej: 🎶YOU’LL BE BACK🎶

Jesper: 🎶TIME WILL TELL🎶

Wylan: 🎶YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT I SERVED YOU WELL🎶

Nina: 🎶OCEANS RIIIIIIIIISE🎶

Inej: 🎶EMPIRES FAAAAAAALLLLL🎶

Jesper: 🎶WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER THROUGH IT ALL🎶

Wylan: 🎶And when push comes to shove🎶

Kaz: 🎶I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love🎶

Inej: WHOOO KAZ!

Kaz: ...

Kaz: Did I sing?

Kaz: NOOOOOO

Matthias: NOOOOOOOO

Nina: YESSSS HAHA

Matthias: Is it over?

Jesper: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Wylan: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Matthias: NO.

Nina: 🎶I can hear you, but I won’t🎶

Inej: 🎶Some look for trouble, while others don’t🎶

Kaz: NO ANYTHING BUT FROZEN

Nina: 🎶There’s a thousand reasons I should go about my day🎶

Inej: 🎶And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away🎶

Nina: 🎶O-oh🎶

Jesper: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Kaz: Shut up, shut up

Wylan: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Inej: 🎶You’re not a voice, you’re just a ringing in my ear🎶

Nina: 🎶And if I heard you—which I don’t—I’m spoken for, I fear🎶

Inej: 🎶Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls🎶

Matthias: You think we can stop them before they get to the chorus?

Kaz: Unlikely.

Nina: 🎶I’m sorry secret siren, but I’m blocking out your calls🎶

Kaz: I’m trying to block out your singing

Kaz: It’s not working

Inej: 🎶I’ve had my adventure, I don’t need something new🎶

Nina: 🎶I’m afraid of what I’m risking if I follow youuuuu🎶

Inej: 🎶INTO THE UNKNOOOOOOOOOWN🎶

Matthias: Uuuuuuuugh hate this song

Jesper: 🎶INTO THE UNKNOOO-OOOOWN🎶

Wylan: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Nina: 🎶INTO THE UNKNOOOOOO-OOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OOOOOOO-OWN🎶

Inej: 🎶Ah-ah, ah-ah🎶

Jesper: Woo! That was fun

Wylan: Nice Ooooo-ing, Nina

Nina: Thank you :)

Inej: It’s not over yet :D

Nina: Let’s do more Hamilton

Kaz: Nooooo

Jesper: You might like this one, Kaz. It’s about duels

Inej: Yessss!

Kaz: ...fine

Kaz: But I’m not singing

Nina: 🎶One🎶

Inej: 🎶Two🎶

Jesper: 🎶Three🎶

Wylan: 🎶Four🎶

Nina: 🎶Five🎶

Inej: 🎶Six🎶

Jesper: 🎶Seven🎶

Wylan: 🎶Eight🎶

Nina: 🎶Nine🎶

Inej: 🎶It’s the Ten Duel Commandments🎶

Kaz: This sounds interesting

Matthias: No it doesn’t

Jesper: 🎶NUMBER ONE🎶

Wylan: 🎶The challenge, demand satisfaction🎶

Nina: 🎶If they apologize, no need for further action🎶

Kaz: If they apologize, kill them anyway

Matthias: No-

Inej: 🎶NUMBER TWO🎶

Jesper: 🎶If they don’t, grab a friend, that’s your second🎶

Wylan: 🎶Your lieutenant when there's reckoning to be reckoned🎶

Kaz: Bold of you to assume I have friends

Mathias: You just insulted all four of them

Kaz: I know.

Nina: 🎶NUMBER THREE🎶

Inej: 🎶Have your seconds meet face to face🎶

Jesper: 🎶Negotiate a peace, or negotiate a time and place🎶

Wylan: 🎶This is commonplace, 'specially 'tween recruits🎶

Nina: 🎶Most disputes die and no one shoots🎶

Kaz: Matthias, 5 minutes from now

Matthias: What-

Wylan: 🎶NUMBER FOUR🎶

Nina: 🎶If they don't reach a peace, that's alright🎶

Inej: 🎶Time to get some pistols and a doctor on sight🎶

Jesper: 🎶You pay him in advance, you treat him with civility🎶

Wylan: 🎶You have him turn around so he can have deniability🎶

Kaz: Okay, we’ve got Nina, Jesper has pistols

Kaz: Jesper give me your guns

Kaz: Nina here’s 5$, turn around

Matthias: Kaz what are you doing-

Matthias: Someone help me-

Jesper: 🎶FIVE🎶

Wylan: 🎶Duel before the sun is in the sky🎶

Nina: 🎶Pick a place to die where it’s high and dry🎶

Kaz: Eh we can skip that one. Here looks good.

Matthias: KAZ WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

Inej: 🎶NUMBER SIX🎶

Jesper: 🎶Leave a note for your next of kin🎶

Wylan: 🎶Tell them where you been, pray that hell or heaven lets you in🎶

Kaz: Dear Inej, I’m dead. Matthias shot me. Have a nice day. -Kaz

Matthias: WHAT-

Nina: 🎶SEVEN🎶

Inej: 🎶Confess your sins🎶

Jesper: 🎶Ready for the moment of adrenaline when you finally face your opponent🎶

Kaz: Let’s skip that, my list is too long

Matthias: HELP ME

-in separate chat-

Kaz: Just play along

Kaz: We can maybe get them to stop if they think I’ve shot you

Matthias: This can’t end well

Kaz: Of course it can

Matthias: Promise you won’t actually shoot me?

Kaz: Have you no faith in me?

Matthias: Answer me.

Kaz: Neither gun is loaded. You’re going to be fine. Just fake being shot.

Matthias: Why do I listen to you...

-main chat-

Wylan: 🎶NUMBER EIGHT🎶

Nina: 🎶Your last chance to negotiate🎶

Jesper: 🎶Send in your seconds🎶

Inej: 🎶See if they can set the record straight🎶

Wylan: 🎶ALEXANDER🎶

Jesper: 🎶Aaron Burr, sir🎶

Wylan: 🎶Can we agree that duels are dumb and immature?🎶

Jesper: 🎶Sure. But your man has to answer for his words, BURR🎶

Wylan: 🎶With his life? We both know that’s absurd, sir🎶

Jesper: 🎶Hang on, how many men died because Lee was inexperienced and ruinous?🎶

Wylan: 🎶Oh, okay, SO WE’RE DOIN THIS🎶

Kaz: 🎶This, this is hilarious🎶

Inej: Kaz no

Inej: 🎶NUMBER NINE🎶

Nina: 🎶Look 'em in the eye, aim no higher🎶

Jesper: 🎶Summon all the courage you require🎶

Wylan: 🎶Then count🎶

Nina: 🎶One🎶

Inej: 🎶Two🎶

Jesper: 🎶Three🎶

Wylan: 🎶Four🎶

Nina: 🎶Five🎶

Inej: 🎶Six🎶

Jesper: 🎶Seven🎶

Wylan: 🎶Eight🎶

Nina: 🎶Nine🎶

Inej: 🎶NUMBER🎶

Jesper: 🎶TEN🎶

Nina: 🎶PACES🎶

Kaz: 🎶Fire.🎶

Jesper: MATTHIAS?!

Inej: OMG KAZ

Nina: KAZ NO NO NO WHAT DID YOU DO

Wylan: KAZ YOU SHOT MATTHIAS

Kaz: Isn’t that the point of this...?

Jesper: NO!!!

Kaz: Huh.

Kaz: Oops.

Inej: No! Not oops! YOU IDIOT-

Matthias: Did it work?

Kaz: Yep.

Matthias: Really?

Kaz: I don’t see or hear singing

Matthias: Sweet

Nina: ...

Nina: Really, guys?

Inej: We were worried!

Kaz: That was fun

Kaz: Time to leave before we get ripped at by Inej

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has left the chat.

Matthias (WolfBoy13) has left the chat.

 

Chapter Text

Kaz: I’ve got a question for you guys

Inej: Okay

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Wylan: That’s not a question

Kaz:

Kaz: I’m not done yet 

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Nina: Yeah you said that already

Kaz: I’M TYPING, BE PATIENT

Nina: Waiiiiiiting

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Jesper: Are you going somewhere with this or...

Kaz: YES SO SHUT UP

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Inej: Seriously Kaz, you don’t have to keep repeating the ‘suppose I died’ part every flippin’ time 

Kaz:

Kaz: So I’m dead

Wylan: WAIT YOU’RE A GHOST??

Wylan: That explains so much...

Kaz: No, Wylan, I wasn’t serious, this is theoretical.

Jesper: I don’t know, Kaz, you look pretty dead to me

Kaz: SO I’M THEORETICALLY DEAD

Inej: Okay, and?

Kaz: Aren’t you sad?

Jesper: Nah

Matthias: Thank Djel it’s over 

Nina: No

Inej: Not really

Kaz: Wylan

Wylan: Please don’t make me answer this

Kaz: Wylan

Wylan: I’m afraid Kaz will kill me if I tell him

Kaz: Wylan

Wylan: But at the same time, I’m also afraid he’ll kill me if I lie to him

Kaz: Wylan

Wylan: Kaz

Kaz: Wylan

Wylan: I’m sorry

Kaz: Wylan...

Wylan: GUYS LET’S HAVE A PARTY! WE CAN FINALLY STOP ALMOST DYING ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF KAZ’S USELESS PLANS

Kaz: WYLAN

Inej: 😂😂

Kaz: Fine, so I’m dead. 

Jesper: Yeah, we know

Inej: He’s doing it again

Kaz: Doing what?!

Inej: You try to make a point, but then you forget what your point is and you just kind of keep repeating the same thing

Kaz:

Kaz: I HAVE A POINT HERE

Inej: and here we go again

Kaz: ...Suppose I’m dead.

Jesper (KazSucks) has changed Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge)’s name to Pointless

Pointless: What the-

Pointless: Really?

Jesper: Hahaha

Nina: Nice one, Jes

Pointless: Wait I have one more thing to ask

Inej: Okay but you better actually ask it

Pointless (ThirtyMillionKruge) added Kuwei (ImBack) to the chat.

Pointless (ThirtyMillionKruge) has reset name to Kaz.

Kaz: 

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Inej: ...really kaz?

Kaz: SHUT UP WRAITH

Kaz: Suppose I died.

Kuwei: I would take the time to respectfully mourn you

Kaz: EVERYONE, KUWEI IS MY NEW FAVOURITE

Wylan: NO

Wylan: NOOOOOOO 

Inej: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wylan: NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

Inej: NONONONONONONO

Kaz: What is happening-

Wylan (VanSunshine) has changed name to Kaz’s Favourite 

Kaz: What- 

Kaz’s Favourite: HA 

Matthias: I’m scared 

Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed name to Kaz’s Kruge 

Kaz’s Kruge: Try and beat that, WYLAN 

Kaz’s Favourite: 😒 

Kaz’s Favourite (Van Sunshine)  has changed name to Inej Ghafa 

Inej Ghafa: Hahaha 

Kaz’s Kruge: IMPOSTER 

Kaz: What-

Kaz: What the-

Kaz: What the ****

Kaz: Stupid chat restrictions

Jesper: This is hilarious 

Nina: This is true though 😂 

Kaz’s Kruge (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed Inej Ghafa (VanSunshine)’s name to Wylan van NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF.

Kaz’s Kruge (ItsyBitsySpider) has changed name to Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME. 

Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME: Ha

Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME: Oh **** there’s a typo

Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME: Seriously, how does ‘beat’ correct to ‘ebay’? 

Wylan van NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF: I am offended by this name 

Kaz: I have lost track of what is happening 

Jesper: Better if you don’t know 

Matthias: I am going to stop this before someone gets hurt 

Matthias (WolfBoy13) has kicked Inej Flippin BREKKER SO HA TAKE THAT WYLAn BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EBAY ME (ItsyBitsySpider) from the chat.

Matthias (WolfBoy13) has reset Wylan van NotKaz’sFavouritE SO STOP LYIN TO YOURSELF (VanSunshine) to Wylan. 

Matthias: There 

Kaz: ...I’m scrolling up and reading this confusing argument 

Kaz: Wait why did Wylan change his name to Inej 

Wylan: Because you love Inej more than anything else 

Kaz:

Kaz: I-

Kaz:

Kaz: 

Kaz: ...

Kaz: But-

Kaz: I’m trying to come up with an argument here 

Jesper: We’re waiting

Jesper (KazSucks) has added Inej (ItsyBitsySpider) to the chat. 

Kaz:

Kaz:

Kaz: Suppose Inej is dead. 

Nina: Kaz no you can’t just say ‘Inej is dead so I can’t love her’

Nina: It doesn’t work like that 

Kaz: YES IT DOES

Kaz: So ha 

Wylan: No it doesn’t 

Kaz: YES IT DOES NOW I’M KICKING ALL OF YOU SO I GET THE LAST WORD 

Wylan: Last word 

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has kicked Jesper (KazSucks), Kuwei (ImBack), Nina (Waffles4ever), Matthias (WolfBoy13) and Wylan (VanSunshine) from the chat. 

Kaz: NOOOOOOO

Kaz: ....

Kaz: I can fix this

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has added Wylan (VanSunshine) to the chat.

Kaz: Last word.

Kaz (ThirtyMillionKruge) has kicked Wylan (VanSunshine) from the chat.

Kaz: I am amazing.

Kaz: Too bad no one is here to witness how amazing I am

Kaz: I’m talking to myself, aren’t I?

Kaz: *sigh*

Kaz: I feel like I’m forgetting something

Kaz: Like I have something important to do

Kaz: Nina is screaming that the toaster is on fire

Kaz: I probably should go get my toast

Kaz: Now she’s screaming my name

Kaz: Like it’s my fault I like my toast extra crispy

Kaz: She says she threw out the toaster because I broke it

Kaz: They shouldn’t have a setting to cook it that long if it’s not meant to be used

Kaz: I’m surprised it didn’t set the smoke alarm off

Kaz: Probably because Jesper broke the smoke alarms

Inej: You gonna keep talking or... 

Kaz:

Kaz: Wait how long have you been here-

Kaz: How much of that did you hear— 

Inej: Basically the whole thing.

Inej: Here’s your toast. 

Kaz: HEY GET BACK HERE—

Kaz: YOU CAN’T JUST THROW TOAST AND MY FACE THEN LEAVE-

Chapter Text

Jesper: I’m bored. Who wants to go find something fun to do?

Matthias: Your idea of fun is usually chaotic and reckless.

Wylan: Also, bad things happen when you complain about being bored.

Kaz: I’m bored.

Wylan: ...idiot

Nina: I’m bored too.

Matthias: Idiots.

Jesper: Where’s Inej, anyway?

Kaz: She said she was going to your place

Jesper: She’s not here

Wylan: Honestly she probably is here and is just hiding in the shadows or something

NinaSounds accurate

Jesper: ...or maybe she’s laying on the floor in the hallway

Matthias: A bit specific there but okay

Jesper: No I think she actually collapsed in the middle of the hallway 

Wylan: Omg she looks dead—

Kaz: WHAT

Wylan: Never mind she’s breathing

Kaz: Is she hurt?

Jesper: Don’t think so

Kaz: She’s breathing?

Wylan: Yes, I said that already

Kaz: Nina call a **** medik

Nina: Okay but what are you gonna do?

Kaz: Go make sure Jesper doesn’t **** kill her

Kaz: **** Wylan, why does it block ****

Kaz: -.-

Kaz: W t f Wylan, why does it block f r i c k i n g 

Wylan: Because I said so 

Kaz: ****

Kaz:

Kaz: Damn?

Kaz: Sweet.

Wylan: Oh no I forgot that one

Kaz: Wait don’t—

Kaz: **** it

Kaz: **** CHAT FILTERS

Kaz: WYLAN NO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STOP ME FROM SAYING S T U P I D

Wylan: Yes I am, stupid-face

Kaz: NO FAIR, HOW COME YOU CAN SAY IT?

Wylan: I’m special.

Kaz:

Kaz: I’m calling Kuwei so he can come fix this—

Nina: Shouldn’t we be focusing on Inej?

Jesper: I put her on the couch.

Jesper: Oh s-

Wylan: What?

Jesper: I think she’s sick

Jesper: She’s got a fever

Kaz: That’s it, I’m coming over there so you don’t accidentally kill her

Nina: Awwww Kaz is worried about Inej

Kaz: I need her to spy

Kaz: If she’s sick, she can’t spy

Kaz: It’s completely logical and in no way related to the fact that she’s possibly my friend

Matthias: Keep telling yourself that..

—later—

Matthias: So what’s wrong with her?

Wylan: She has COVID-19 (BECAUSE I’M TOO LAZY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER HERE-)

Wylan: She’ll feel sucky for a few days then hopefully get better

Nina: No way that sucks

Nina: At least she’ll be okay

Jesper: Me, Wylan, and Kaz probably all have it too now because we touched her and Kaz did saints-know-what while they were alone

Nina: Haha so you all have to stay together for 2 weeks

Nina: Have fun

Kaz: WAIT WHAT

Kaz: NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT-

Wylan: Weren’t you listening to the medik?

Wylan: No leaving the house for 2 weeks. They’re going to drop off food and stuff

Kaz: I have to stay here

Kaz: With Jesper.

Kaz: For two weeks.

Nina: That’s karma for eating my WAFFLES

Matthias: *sigh* So glad I stayed here with Nina

Jesper: I can’t even tell if that’s sarcasm or not

Matthias: I don’t know either.

Wylan: Wait we’re gonna get sick after Inej, aren’t we?

Wylan: DANG IT I HATE BEING SICK

Kaz: I don’t get sick

Kaz: My body refuses to become sick in the first place. It just kills the germs before they have a chance to react, then it takes their money

Jesper: Please tell me that’s a metaphor

Kaz: Nope that’s actually what happens because I’m just that skilled

Wylan: What does germ money look like?

Kaz: Jesper’s money

Nina: Wait why-

Kaz: It’s Jesper’s money

Wylan: I thought Jes was broke

Kaz: He is

Kaz: Because I took all his money

Jesper: WAIT WHAT YOU THIEF—

Kaz: Now you only owe me 4,865 kruge and 23 cents

Matthias: That’s specific

Jesper: Oh look, there’s a nickel in the couch

Kaz: Thank you.

Jesper: HEY THAT’S MINE

Kaz: 4,865 kruge and 18 cents.

Inej: Someone please explain to me why my lock screen has been changed to “Congrajulations! You’re sick! Have fun doing nothing for a long, long time. KAZ AND INEJ SITTIN IN A TREE NO ONE IS BETTER THAN JESPER (ME)”

Wylan: You’re awake!

Inej: Yes and also very confused, someone explain.

Matthias: *inhale*

Matthias: You collapsed in the middle of the hallway at Jesper’s place and we called a medik who told us you were sick with COVID-19 and now you’re stuck with Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan for two weeks because y’all have to self-isolate while me and Nina spend all your money on waffles and snow cones

Inej: ...okay then

Jesper: :D

Kaz: This is going to be a long two weeks...

 

Chapter Text

Kaz: How much longer do I have to stay here with you idiots??

Wylan: It’s only been a day, Kaz

Wylan: Also why are you texting us in the middle of the night?

Kaz: Because I don’t sleep.

Inej: Mhm sure Kaz

Inej: You think that makes you cool but really it just makes you look tired

Kaz: Shut up

Jesper: I’m boreddddddddd 

Inej: What are Nina and Matthias doing?

Jesper: Idk probably something more exciting than this

Kaz: Jesper, I bet you 5 kruge that this is more exciting than what Nina and Matthias are doing

Jesper: Deal

Kaz: You owe me 5 kruge now.

Jesper: What?! How?!

Kaz: Nina and Matthias are asleep.

Kaz: It’s the middle of the night

Kaz: I’m pretty sure I can hear Nina snoring from across the city

Jesper: No fair! You knew they were asleep!

Wylan: You know that Kaz would never suggest a bet unless he was going to win, Jesper

Jesper:

Jesper: Fine, but It’s still unfair...

Kaz: Technically, you owe me 4,870 kruge and 18 cents now

Jesper: o.o

Kaz: Not that I’m counting or anything

 

-Day 3-

 

Jesper: Kaz

Jesper: Kaz

Jesper: Kaz

Jesper: KAZ

Jesper: BREKKAH

Jesper: KAZ BREKKAH

Jesper: Haha that’s fun to say 

Jesper: Or type

Jesper: Whatever

Jesper: Kaz Brekkah where are yah

Jesper: You better not have broken quarantine 

Kaz: Shut up, I’m in Inej’s room, and you’re giving us both headaches

Kaz: I’m not even the sick one

Nina: Stop yo complainin

Jesper: Nina, it’s about time

Nina: Me and Matthias are having so much fun

Nina: Not that what you’re doing isn’t fun too

Nina: It just can’t possibly be as fun as this

Jesper: Stop gloating

Nina: Oh! I am offended that you think I’m gloating!

Nina: 😏

Jesper: 😒

Nina: Wylan I’m eating Doritos

Wylan: DORITOS 😭

Jesper: Nina!!!

Wylan: Jesper, I’m not kissing you until you get me some DORITOS

Jesper:

Jesper: NINA BRING ME SOME DORITOS

Nina: I would... but wouldn’t that be against the rules?

Jesper: THIS FOOD TASTES LIKE CRAP ANYWAY

Nina: Maybe if you asked nicely....

Jesper: *sigh*

Wylan: NINA GIMME THE DORITOS

Jesper: Nina, t’wouldst greatly pleaseth me if thee bringeth me the chips that art shapest in the form of a triangle, and flavoured with that which is called cool ranch.

Nina: Jeez, you didn’t have to go all Shakespearean English on me

Nina: That wasn’t even good

Jesper: I can do it in French if you want

Nina: I speak French, I’m curious now

Jesper: ......ummmm

Jesper: Nina, ça va me make un vraiment content Jesper si tu peux m’apport un bag de Doritos pour Wylan something something croissant adios

Wylan: You suck at French

Nina: 😂 That was wonderful

Jesper: Oh shut up... I only took a year of French

Wylan: Now about those DORITOS

Nina: Relax, I’ll bring them tomorrow

Jesper: Yay! Now Wylan says he’ll kiss me :D

 

-minute of silence-

 

Nina: Wait are they actually kissing or—

Matthias: I don’t want to know.

Jesper: You’ll never knowwwwww

Jesper: SpoOoOoOoOooOooOoOookyyyyyy

Wylan: No

Wylan: Just no

Wylan: You tried to do something there but I don’t think it worked

Jesper: :(

Jesper: Fine, I’m going to go get Kaz so he can make us some lunch

Matthias: It’s 10 am

Jesper: I’m hungry.

Matthias: It’s still 10 am 

Jesper: KAZZZZ MAKE ME SOME FOOD

Jesper: KAZ

Jesper: KAZ KAZ KAZ KAZ

Wylan: Kaz’s phone is literally right next to Jes and he hasn’t noticed yet

Jesper: ...oh

Jesper: Wait lemme see if I can guess his password

Jesper: WHAT KIND OF PASSWORD HAS 50 NUMBERS IN IT?!

Jesper: MINE HAS FOUR

Nina: It’s Kaz, what did you expect

Jesper: Uuuuuugh now I have to go all the way upstairs to beg for food

 

-five minutes later-

 

Jesper: Guys Inej and Kaz are...

Jesper: Not kissing

Jesper: How disappointing 

Nina: Wait then what are they doing

Jesper: Idk they’re just kind of talking and Kaz is playing with Inej’s hair

Wylan: Awwwwww

Matthias: And you know this how...?

Jesper: I’m peeking through a crack in the door

Matthias: Oh.

Jesper: He’s smiling 

Jesper: Kaz is smiling and it looks so WRONG

Jesper: It’s kinda cute though

Jesper: Wait why is he picking up his phone

Jesper: Wait how did he even get his phone, it’s right here-

Jesper: -or not...

Jesper: Now he’s smirking

Kaz: Get away from the door before I kill you

Jesper: ...okay :(

 

-Day 4-

 

Wylan: WHERE ARE MY DORITOS

Nina: I’m going to the grocery store now, sheesh child

Wylan: DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS

Jesper: *sigh* Look what you did, Nina

Inej: Wait is someone getting Doritos?

Inej: I WANT DORITOS TOOOOO

Wylan: DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS

Inej: DORITOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSS

Kaz: Shut UP I’M TRYING TO WORK HERE 

Jesper: On what?

Kaz: ...

Kaz: ...

Kaz: ......stuff

Jesper: What kind of stuff?

Wylan: DORITO STUFF?

Kaz: No.

Inej: He’s trying to figure out what to get you for your birthday, Jes

Kaz: INEJ!!! SHE’S LYING!

Jesper: Ohoho, seems like Dirtyhands really does care about people! More specifically, me. 

Kaz: Shut your face or I’ll give you a dead body for your birthday

Kaz: It might even be Wylan’s

Jesper: WHAT

Wylan: WHAT

Kaz: Just saying

Inej: He wrote down ‘something that isn’t lime green because saints know Jesper looks horrid in it’

Kaz: DO YOU WANT A DEAD WYLAN FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, INEJ?

Inej: ...kaz no

Kaz: Then you better shut up 

Matthias: Can you give me a dead Kaz Brekker for my birthday?

Kaz: Unfortunally, it seems we’re all out of stock for dead Kaz Brekkers. We’ve got plenty of dead Nina Zeniks, though

Nina: Don’t drag me into this!

Wylan: DORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS

Nina: Now can I go home and relax?

Wylan: Yes

Jesper: AND WASH YO HANDS, NINA

Inej: THE DORITOS ARE HERE?!

Wylan: Nuuuuu they’re MINEEEE

Inej: Kaz go steal the Doritos from Wylan

Kaz: I have a better idea

-silence-

Jesper: Which is...?

Kaz: Oh right, you’re downstairs and can’t see this. 

Kaz: I pulled out a bag of Doritos from the bookshelf 

Inej: TAKE THAT, WYLAN

Wylan: Well mine are cool ranch so HA

Matthias: Someone please make them shut up...

 

-Day 5-

 

Jesper: Wylan is sick

Inej: Awwww, poor Wylan

Jesper: He’s kinda just laying in bed moaning

Kaz: The poison is finally kicking in

Jesper: WHAT

Kaz: You never said you DIDN’T want a dead Wylan for your birthday

Jesper:

Jesper: INEJ YOUR BOYFRIEND IS INSANE

Inej: Relax, he didn’t actually poison Wylan

Jesper: HE’S STILL INSANE

Inej: At least I’m feeling better

Wylan: Ineeeejejjjj i hate uuuu

Wylan: Thjs sufckckcdsssss

Wylan: N i ated all my dortisos

Kaz: This is why Nina shouldn’t have gotten you Doritos

Kaz: You need to take your time with them

Kaz: Don’t eat them all at once

Kaz: Right, Inej?

Inej:

Inej: Kaz I’m out of Doritos

Kaz:

Kaz: Is there an emoji of a facepalm because that’s what I’m doing right now

 

-Day 6-

 

Nina: Wylan are ya still sick?

Wylan: YES

Wylan: IT SUCKS

Inej: Did I complain this much when I was sick?

Kaz: No I don’t think so

Inej: Okay, just checking

Nina: Where’s Jes anyway?

Inej: Asleep

Nina: Oh

Kaz:

Kaz: I feel like you’re all going to yell at me for this but I really want to take a bucket of ice water and pour it on his face

Inej: Kaz, nO

Kaz: But-

Inej: KAZ GET AWAY FROM THE SINK WE ARE NOT WAKING JESPER UP

Wylan: Mmmmm how do you turn yhe ringer thingy down cuz u guys r loudddddd

Inej: Push the little buttons on your phone

Wylan: That just turned it offffffff

Inej: The other ones

Wylan: SAINTS THAT’S LOUD

Inej: The one below the one you just pushed

Wylan: Ohhhhhhhhhh. There we go.

Inej: Okay I’m gonna make breakfast

Jesper: How about Kaz makes it so we can have Brekkfast

Kaz: Nonononononono not Kaz puns

Nina: That wasn’t even funny, Jes

Jesper: Fine. If you don’t appreciate my talent, then I’ll shut up.

Kaz: Really?!

Kaz: This is the best day of my life now

Jesper: Actually I was kidding

Kaz: Why did I even bother getting my hopes up—

Nina: Excellent question

 

-Day 7-

 

Inej: Kill me now

Inej: Kaz mutters in his sleep I CAN’T FRICKIN SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM BECAUSE HE MUTTERS ABOUT KRUGE

Inej: SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP

Nina: Wait why is Kaz sleeping in your room

Inej:

Inej:

Inej:

Inej:

Inej: Uhhh...

Inej:

Inej: .......his room is too cold?

Nina: Uhuh sure Inej

Nina: Okay now actually why is he sleeping in your room

Inej: I think he got lonely so he came in my room and started doing work at my desk then fell asleep

Nina: Awwwww, lonely little Kaz

Inej: He’s going to kill you when he sees that

Nina: If. Not when.

Inej: ...

Inej: If.... if is good.

Nina: At least he doesn’t snore like Matthias is right now

Inej: True.

Inej: Wait hold up how do you know how Matthias snores?

Nina:

Nina: ...his room is too cold

Inej: Mhm alright sure Nina yep totally logical response there