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Assembly Required

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A trained assassin that apparently couldn't even follow the instructions to put together a piece of furniture right.

"Zev, isn't that supposed to be a bookshelf?" His beloved asked from the bedroom doorway.

"Obviously, that's what we bought at least."

"Why does it have a door then?"

Zevran looked up from the manual in front of him at the admittedly little wobbly piece of furniture and found that it indeed did look like it had a door, but there wasn't a hinge.

Throwing the instructions up in the air dramatically, he groaned and flopped back onto the floor.

If he wouldn't have had his eyes covered with his forearm he would've seen his former mark smiling at him with an expression of adoration across her face.

When he finally uncovered his eyes and looked up at her, she couldn't help but chuckle at the look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Take it apart, I want to try."

He started to object but the middle shelf chose just that moment to fall off.

"Okay, but let me get you a chair."

"I might be as broad as the side of a barn because of that thing-" she pointed at his crotch as she scowled, "But I am not some type of over-pampered Orlesian wallflower!"

"I never thought as such," he was quick to say before hopping up to his feet and planting a chaste kiss on her cheek to soothe her temper.


"Yes, your sister is fine, albeit a little moody, as to be expected, but she called earlier because she didn't think I could put together our new IKEA bookshelf," Zevran said as he turned the stove off and placed a lid over the pot of stew.

On the other line Fergus started to laugh, "Let me guess, you wouldn't let her help but now she's doing it herself?"

"How did you know?"

"Lucky guess, now I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing, talk soon."

After Zevran hung up the phone, he headed back to the bedroom.

He was quite surprised to find his beloved sitting on the floor in front of a completely assembled bookshelf that looked just like the picture on the box in front of her.

When he looked around however he saw that the instruction booklet was still in the same place that he had thrown it earlier.

"You- how?" He sputtered, "You didn't even look at the instructions." It wasn't exactly a question but she nodded anyway.

"Nope, now help your poor pregnant wife off the floor, I've been done for twenty minutes."

"I tried to offer you a chair-" he started, only to be cut off by the offensive gesture his wife threw his way.

"Shut it and help me the fuck up because whatever you made smells absolutely delicious."

He couldn't help but smile at her, who knew he could kind such comfort in such a simple thing as grabbing his beloved's hand and hauling her to her feet.

Before she could make her way out of the room, he stepped in front of her, placing one hand on her hip and the other on the side of her stomach before placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Once they parted, she leaned in for a second but he pulled away and chuckled lightly.

"If I remember correctly, there's food in the kitchen." He pointed out.

"Good point, plus, doing what I had in mind is what got me in this position as it is," She pouted.

"I adore you, mi amor."

"Save it, I've been sitting too long and can't quite feel my ass cheeks," she told him before walking by him and out of the bedroom.

Watching her adorable walk, he couldn't help but chuckle before sneaking up beside her and groping her behind playfully, causing her to let out a not so dignified squeak.

"Dammit, Zevran!"