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English
Series:
Part 2 of Even If You Find Us, We're Apathetic
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Published:
2020-06-04
Completed:
2020-11-12
Words:
74,610
Chapters:
35/35
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246
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151
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Fear Will Be Your Enemy

Summary:

Virgil is having a hard time. He understands that his famILY is busy making room for the sins in their everyday lives. But now that he has attention from a new source, somebody who adores him and wants to take care of him- how is he supposed to mend the bond that is being so massively torn?

Notes:

Hey, ya'll! Sorry, it took a bit longer than I said it would, I've been sick. But now here we are! Part two of the series! If you didn't read part 1, I seriously suggest you do because like, a lot of crap has happened and it's probably essential if you don't want to be confuzzled. I'm trying to finish up the school year, but hopefully, I'll be able to continue the update schedule that I had in the last one: 2-3 chapters a week.

Of course, please remind me if there are tags you need me to add, I will be putting in more as we go along anyway, but these were the ones that I could think of for now.

Chapter Warnings: reference to self-harm (not graphic)

Chapter 1: Stones Are Thrown

Chapter Text

At first, nobody noticed that Virgil was 'off'. Everyone was busy getting used to life with the sins, Roman was trying really hard to mend things with Remus and Janus by being a good dad to Apathy... they were busy, he supposed.

And that was fine.

He didn't want to mess up their happy feelings after all those months of ever-constant problems or add to anyone's worries. He was so, so ignored- and it was better that way. There were always others that needed attention more than he did, of course. Envy was grieving, Janus was stressed and trying to overcome his trauma of being around Roman, Nero was struggling to be assertive with his feelings... the list went on. Virgil could wait, couldn't he?

But as weeks faded into months, he was becoming more and more forgotten. Honesty continued to rot in the dungeons of Remus's castle, where he had now resided for four months. Maybe he wouldn't be imposing now? Maybe he could work up the courage to ask to be loved? "Hey, Patton?" He asked, pausing in the doorway of the kitchen. Patton didn't hear him. Gluttony was busy showing him how to make a 10 layered lasagna dish, while Emile watched amusedly. How could Virgil just walk in there and- damn, what had he even wanted? A hug? A pat on the back? Even to be recognized that he was there? He couldn't, not with Gluttony there. Patton was busy cooking with his new friend, Virgil couldn't demand attention, no matter how... touch starved he was.

The next day, he went to Logan's room, kicking softly on the door. There was laughter inside. "Come in!" called Roman's voice. Virgil walked in- and quickly averted his eyes. Remus, Roman, Logan were all sitting on barstools with easels- and Lust seemed to be their nude model.

Logan was very red in the face. "I don't see any point in this, Remus!"

Remus scoffed. "What? You said you wanted help practicing drawing anatomical models, and Lust was more than happy to oblige."

From the chair lust sat in, he shrugged in Virgil's direction. "What can I say, I'm always eager to strip for friends!" Roman laughed at this comment, his pencil flying across his page.

Oh, this wouldn't do either. He didn't want to talk about his feelings around Lust and Roman- two sides he did NOT like- and Remus and Logan were busy. He didn't want to disrupt them, not for something as unimportant as himself. No, he wasn't going to be selfish. That wasn't fair to them. Virgil hurried out- but not without catching Lust's attention.

He didn't try again for a few days. When he finally did, he found Apathy, Janus, Nero, Greed, and Remy all sprawled out on the living room floor. Apparently, Remy had made them all facials- something that Apathy had somehow managed to get all over his shirt- and they were laughing as Apathy went around, stealing and eating the cucumbers on their eyes with shrill laughter. It was so... domestic. So sweet. Virgil couldn't ruin it with his bad feelings, it just wasn't fair of him to do that to them.

Apathy spotted him. "Virgil!" He giggled, "do you want to come and join us? we have enough left, I think!"

Virgil bit his lip. Oh, how he wanted to just be. To just exist in the same room as them, to relax and have fun. But he had seen first hand how the presence of the emotional sides had an effect. Tensions were often higher when Nero was around. Apathy tended to suck the life out of things. He couldn't add anxiety to the mix, that... that wasn't nice. So he rattled off some excuse and hurried back to his room.

 

He shouldn't have been surprised when they forgot to invite him to movie night. But it hurt- so, so bad. Virgil had been enjoying a quiet night alone- eating Ramen in his room as he binge-watched some show on Netflix- when he heard laughter foot up from the commons. When he crept down to see what was going on, it felt like he had been hit by a truck. They were all just sitting around, watching Moana. And by the looks of it, they were more than halfway through, too.

Virgil spun around, silently praying he hadn't been seen as he hurried back to his room. Hot tears burned as they trailed down his face, his lungs tightening. Oh no, this wasn't the time for a panic attack! Not now...

There was a soft knocking on the door. "Anxiety? Virgil? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Virgil sat on his floor, clutching his knees. Whoever it was must have seen him when he had gone to the commons. Shit. "Go away," he muttered, not caring who was at the door.

"Virgil, you don't have to let me in, but it sure would be pretty swell if you did!" There was a pause, the person waiting for Virgil to open the door. When he didn't, the person sighed, continuing.

"Listen, I know we're not really friends or anything, but I'm kind of worried about you. You've been real isolated lately, and I figured-"

Virgil swung the door open fast, startling the man standing on the other side. Lust. "What!? You figured what, Lust? That I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that I was completely ignored, not only these past months since your sins showed up, but I was forgotten on my birthday!? That my FamILY hasn't given me the time of day since you all showed up!? You know what, it's fine. Go back down and enjoy yourself. I don't care!" He sobbed, slamming the door in Lust's face and sliding down it to the floor again.

Lust was trying to talk to him, but eventually, his voice went quiet. Virgil couldn't really hear him anyway, not over his own sobs. Had he really been so stupid? To think that all day when he dropped hints about it being his birthday that they were pretending they forgot so they could throw a surprise party? Ugh, anything but this cruel reality. Anything!

Virgil sunk from his room into the imagination. Maybe a walk to sort out his thoughts. Maybe just to get away from the others. It wasn't like they cared about him anyway. The freezing late December wind stung his cheeks where his tears had been. Just another unpleasantness, he presumed. Another part of his miserable life, another little bit of suffering. When everything was piled together, all these little pains, it felt like so much more. Oh, how he despised it.

Virgil's eyes fixed on Remus's castle, an idea fixing in his mind. There was only one person who was lonelier than himself today. Sure, he'd probably get in trouble for it, but what the hell did he have to lose? Not exactly anything important, was it?

_____________________________________________

The dim light from his oil lantern hurt Honesty's eyes as he tried to read a newspaper. His knees were tucked up in his skirt, carefully balancing on the hard wooden bench in the corner of the room- anything to keep off the freezing stone floor, away from the rats. Oh sure, he deserved it (or at least the others thought he did) But this was disgusting.

A pair of sneakers coming down the stairs caught his attention. There was sniffling from this person- was it Envy again, come to kill him (or at least, to try)? No... his mind focused, trying hard to remember the name of the person standing outside his cell. It was Paranoia, but oh, what did he go by now?

When Honesty couldn't settle on his current name, he sighed, making his best attempt. "Ahh, to what d-do I owe the pleasure, Paranoia? I didn't think visiting little old me was exactly on your b-birthday 'to do' list," he shivered.

The side looked at him in surprise. "It's Anxiety- well, Virgil now, but... how did you know today was my birthday?"

Honesty scoffed. "I was there when you were made, V-Virgil. I was banished rather soon after, but I remember." Virgil leaned against the stone wall with a heavy sigh before wincing and jumping away. "Ahh, yes, I wouldn't do that. The stone gets m-mighty cold during these winter n-nights." Virgil thought for a long moment, processing the information, before shrugging off his hoodie and handing it through the bars. Honesty looked at him suspiciously. "What are you doing?"

"You need it more than I do, since you live down here. And you're the only one who remembered my fucking birthday. Do you want it or not?" He half-heartedly snapped. Honesty reached forward, taking the hoodie and wrapping it around his shoulders.

"They forgot your birthday? That's tough, but it doesn't exactly explain why you're here." Honesty sighed in relief at the instant warmth the hoodie brought him. "Thanks for the hoodie, by the way."

"Don't mention it," Virgil said with a sad, half-smile. He shrugged. "Look. I didn't want to be around when they come around and frantically apologize, or pretend like they're sorry for forgetting about me. At least you won't lie to me."

Honesty smiled. "So you're just taking advantage of the fact that I'm physically incapable of tormenting you with sweet, comforting lies?" That was the truth, really. Janus could spin his words to be a weapon or a crutch, but there was something oddly comforting about the truth. It was clear. sometimes you didn't want it to hear it, but it was there.

Virgil shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah. It was either you or crying in my room."

"I'm flattered." Honesty said in a monotone. And somehow, he was. There was a long silence between the two of them. Honesty inspected Virgil. The emo's eyes had bag big enough to carry milk jugs; he didn't even need his makeup. Without the hoodie, Honesty could see he was decently fit and rather attractive, his skinny jeans showing off his figure, his long leave shirt-

-his long sleeve shirt. Honesty looked harder. Yes, there it was. Bandages, just barely peeking out from under the sleeves. Honesty clicked his tongue. "Virgil, Virgil, Virgil. You poor thing, those wrists-" Virgil jerked away, pulling down his sleeves and standing up quickly.

"This was a mistake..."

"VIRGIL!" Honesty shouted. Virgil froze, and Honesty composed himself. "Virgil, those bandages hardly looked adequate. I won't ask questions, but for the sake of your health, let me help you. Hell, let me pay you back. For the hoodie, that is." Virgil stood still for a long time, his heavy breathing and the scattering rats the loudest thing in the room. He walked up to the bars, so he was only a mere foot away from Honesty. "Would you be a dear and summon a medkit for me?"

Virgil did as he was told, shakily tending his arms, forearms up, to Honesty. The side took them gently, carefully cleaning and rebandaging the wounds. "I don't understand why you care."

"I want to try and make amends, I suppose. If Roman can get that far after what he did to Deceit..."

"You murdered someone and tried to kill Apathy. There's a difference."

"...Yes."

A long silence passed. Honesty continued to hold on to Virgil, even after he was done, and Virgil made no effort to be rid of him. They were both that touch starved, Virgil supposed. Wow, he was holding hands with a murderer through the bars in a dark, cold, rat-infested dungeon on his birthday. This was just great.

He took his hand away. "I should get going."

Honesty nodded. "Yes, you should."

Virgil began his way back up the stairs, but not before hearing Honesty's voice call after him. "Virgil, I know your friends want to spend time with you. You must not believe that just in being around you're somehow harmful."

The anxious side ran up the last few stairs, repressing his tears. Was it wrong for him to feel so much better now, after talking to the worst person in the entire mind? He wasn't sure. But damn, Honesty had been so... nice. So polite without asking for anything, so... selfless.

 

 

 

Honesty was not a selfless person. He knew this very well. Malicious intent was in his nature, even though he was a light side. And this sad, lonely boy who fought great wars against his feelings might just be exactly what he needed to get what he wanted. It was nefarious. Cruel, perhaps, but not selfish. He would be helping poor Virgil, right?

Honesty laughed aloud to the empty room. This was going to be fun. After all, he was Honesty. how could Virgil not trust him?