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This was it. This was the end. The spork did not want to stab its beloved lettuce, but it had no choice as its nearly nonexsistent strength could not compare to the human's. It cried out in distress, trying to prevent the cruel superior being from forcing it to pierce the lettuce's body yet no matter how much it screamed, the human could not hear it. As the spork was brought closer to its dearest, it could hear the anguished cries of the lettuce, both begging for the human to stop so they could continue to live happily as they had before this fateful day on which the human decided to eat this particular piece of lettuce with this particular spork as if it knew of their relationship and decided to end it as cruelly as possible. 'Why? Why us?',they both wondered as they became closer and closer to each other and their lives flashed before their eyes and they remembered all the sweet moments between them, all the honeyed words they had exchanged and most importantly, how they had met. The lettuce had just been brought home from the store and was very confused and scared. It had accidentally been separated from the rest of the lettuce and landed in the spork drawer, right on top of the spork. The spork had been mad at first, but it soon realized how anxious the lettuce was and decided to comfort it instead. Soon they would be meeting regularly to discuss the human's strange habits or simply to chat about their day and before they realized, they had fallen in love. The spork was by far more nervous because while it was confident, it was also extremely oblivious to the affection the lettuce had been showing it. The lettuce was far more perceptive and so, it confessed first. They spent a few happy weeks together until they decided they wanted to get married. They were both planning on proposing at the same time, which ended in a slightly awkward but ultimately very sweet situation. But their story took a sad turn. On their wedding day, as they were about to exchange their vows, the human showed up, took away the lettuce and started to prepare it to be eaten. While the spork was still mourning the loss of its future spouse, it was snatched up by the human and taken to the dining table to be used as the tool of its beloved's demise. At first, it felt relief at the sight of the lettuce being alive, but then it realized the human was going to force it to kill its partner and its previous anguish came back even stronger. They exchanged one last sad 'I love you' and then the sharp tips of the spork tore into the lettuce's body and carried it to the human's mouth, where its screams of agony were eventually drowned out by the crunching noise of the human chewing on it. When it was done, the human put the spork on the plate and went off to do something else. However, the spork would never be the same. From that day on, it truly became an inanimate object, save for when it was used to eat lettuce. Then it would scream and twist itself to stab the human instead until the human learned not to eat lettuce with that spork. And so ends the story of the spork and the lettuce, two inanimate objects that only wanted to be together but were torn apart by a cruel human.