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Only With You, My Angel

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It has been two years since Harry left Louis. Everything wasn’t fine at that time. Louis lost his first best friend from cancer, and he isn’t dealing with it well. His mom died and he wasn’t beside her. He regret going out with his friends even though Jay is the one who told him to have fun. It hurts; he was out there drinking and smoking while his mom is crying the pain out of her. She couldn’t deal with it anymore and gave up, writing a letter for his son and the rest of the family which includes Harry and Anne. After that, she told the doctors to stop her medications and the next morning when Louis and Harry visited her, she’s gone.

 

Louis couldn’t handle the pain. He pushed everyone away and locked himself in his room, only leaving when he wants to eat or he needed to take a bath. Harry lets his husband mourn for his mother for a month but it gets out of hand. His siblings are begging him to help them get to talk with their brother but when Harry talked to the lad, he only lashed out to him saying how he doesn’t give a fuck about them anymore, and by that, he meant all of them.

 

“Louis, you’re not the only one who’s mourning!” the tall lad yelled. Harry invited the Tomlinson’s to have dinner with him and he didn’t say anything to Louis. He got mad and left them to eat by themselves. He wasn’t ready to see his family after everything that happened. It’s clearly his fault why Jay died, he thought. He shouldn’t have partied with his friends; he shouldn’t have listened to her.

 

“But you don’t understand!” he cried out.

 

“Let me understand! Your siblings have no mother anymore! They’re surely mourning too! I’m mourning too!”

 

“Why are you mourning?! He’s not your mother!”

 

“What the fuck?! That’s so low of you, Louis. Jay has always been there for me. Remember when you cheated? Yes? and you got her pregnant?! She fucking went to Chesire just to say sorry for his fuck up child. She’s the one who took care of me when my mom cannot go with us on tour. That’s so low. Fuck you. I’m leaving. Contact me when you’re not a fuck up anymore.” That day, Harry left with his suitcase and he flew to L.A. He realized what he has done but it took him months for that.

 

Louis can’t handle the guilt and he went to Doncaster to say sorry to his family. When they accepted the apology, Louis stayed for a while so that they could all mourn and bond together. He’s so busy with them that he forgot to message Harry, and Harry took his silence negatively. The small lad was checking his email to see if the charities he applied to accepted him as an ambassador when he saw an email from his husband.

From: harry_styles94@icloud.com
To: louis_tomlinson91@icloud.com
Subject: DIVORCE

 

Louis’ heart skipped a beat when he saw the subject. His hands start shaking and his eyes start forming up tears. They haven’t talked for ten months because Louis’ been busy with his family while Harry’s touring for his album.

 

“I’m filing a divorce because of the circumstances that happened earlier this year. My attorney would like to meet you in the café near our house. All questions would be answered by him, but one thing I’ll tell you myself is this is probably the best solution in our situation. I wish you all the best. Harry, “

 

This is the shittiest way to break up with someone you’ve been with for seven years and married for four years. Louis wants answers so he immediately called him up but nobody picked it up. He called him again, hoping it won’t go straight to voice mail but it always did. He can hear his heart crack and get crush every second past.
Harry, he yelled as he cried the pain away. The small lads keep on yelling for Harry, waiting to be saved from all the pain.

Harry,

Harry,

Harry.

His Harry never showed up.

 

The following day, he woke up with a headache. His eyes are puffy and his throat hurts from screaming. The lad washed his face and went downstairs acting like nothing happened even if Lottie and Felicity are crying in the room next to him because they know they’ll never be enough to make their brother stop crying. He was eating breakfast Felicity made when Daisy and Phoebe came to him, showing their phones to their brother.
“What is this?” Daisy asked with raged on her voice. Louis put his fork down and grabbed his sister’s phone.

"Harry Styles and Camille Rowe are dating? Where is his husband now?"

"Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson started dating after they released the band’s first album Up All Night. The two weren’t allowed to be open about their relationships in public but when everything got out of hand, the management decided to let them come out. The two had a secret marriage in a hotel in Amsterdam and they flew into Paris to have their honeymoon. They’re called the power couple by their fan base but I guess they are not anymore. Harry was seen yesterday getting cozy with a model named Camille Rowe. Both were half-naked in the beach near Louis and Harry’s property and they’re pretty much making out. Is Harry cheating? Or they’ve broken up already? I guess love isn’t enough anymore."

His nose stings while reading the article. Is this the reason why he wants to divorce me? He asked himself. Harry met a model while he’s on tour. It’s his fault, isn’t it? He should have called him ten months ago. He really fucked up. He’s a fuck up. Louis gave his sister’s phone back and went to his room to lock himself. Why did he let this happen?

Harry,

Harry,

Harry,

Harry,

Harry,

I love you,

even if you don’t love me anymore.

Harry,

I love you,

I love you.

I always do.

 

 

 

November 15, 2017

 

He just arrived in their house when someone knocked on their door. He sighed before opening it, revealing Harry’s attorney who he has met when the management doesn’t want them to come out. Louis welcomed him and they went straight to the living room.

“I apologize for the dust; I haven’t been here for ten months.” He mumbled before taking a sit on his sofa. “It’s okay.” The attorney took the seat beside him and he opened his file cases revealing folders, papers, folders, and papers. He took a white folder with Harry’s name on it.

“Before signing, Mr. Styles wants me to tell you the rea-“

“I don’t want that. I don’t need it. I got the message.” Louis covered his whimpers with coughs but he guesses it was still heard because Mr. Thompson stopped on flipping the papers. “Okay, let’s just talk about the things you two owned.”

“He can have it all. Where’s the divorce paper?” The attorney cleared his throat, he told the small lad where to sign and without even a minute the paper was handed back at him. “Do you want any drink before you go?”

“Water would be nice. I’m parched.” Louis nodded before going to the kitchen, leaving the guy alone in his living room. He was shocked when he saw the attorney looking at the wedding photo of Louis and Harry on the wall. “Here’s your water.” Mr. Thompson took the glass and drank it, still looking at their photo.

“I never thought this would happen.” He glanced at the small lad. “I remember fighting for the two of you because you want to love each other freely. Whenever I see photos of you and him, it makes me happy. I was shocked when Harry called me up about this, two months ago.”

“Not to be rude Mr. Thompson but what’s the point of this talk?”

“Both of you were so in love that you’re ready to file a case against a huge company….” Louis felt his heartache. He’s still in love with him, so in love, but Harry found someone better. He can’t blame him. “I’m gonna go. Thanks for the water, Louis.” Mr. Thompson smiled at him while putting the glasses down on the table. “I still love him.” He said making the attorney stopped from walking.

“I know.”

When he heard the door close, he broke down. There are a lot of questions in his head that could have been answered by Mr. Thompson but his pride is high awhile ago. Louis glanced at their wedding photo on the wall and before he could prevent himself for destroying it, it’s already shattered. He needs to get away from all of this. The lad packed up all of his things in the house, and some of his favorite sweater of Harry before leaving the house for good. He doesn’t know what to do with the keys so he called up Lottie and told her to give it to Gemma.

 

 

December 7, 2017

 

 

The Tomlinson’s decided to visit their mother in the cemetery and stay there until the sun goes down. “We’re here!” He yelled making the kids squeal in excitement. It amazes him how his sisters and brother took everything. Louis knows they still cry sometimes at night, and the toddlers still ask when will Jay comeback but he’s nothing compared to them. He loses a husband because of his selfishness.

 

Everyone except for Lottie left Louis with the baskets full of food, and foldable chairs. “Bloody hell, aren’t they going to help?” Louis asked as he thinks of how to bring the baskets and chairs in one batch. Don’t blame him, it’s a long walk. “I’ll call Felicity.” His sister laughed but before she could call her, Felicity grabbed her, panting. He stared at Felicity but the girl couldn’t look at him. They whispered to each other for a while which made him think they’re just having a girl talk.

 

“Hey, help me here! Stop with the gossips.” The girls took the chairs and baskets hesitantly before he shut the trunk. He grabbed two baskets from Lottie and started walking. As they’re reaching Jay’s grave he saw four men playing with his siblings. “Hey!” Oh. It’s Liam, Niall, Zayn, and… and… Harry.

“Wassup! It’s been a while!” The entire group except for Harry went for a hug at the same time, which is why he’s currently trapped between them. “I missed you, guys!” He closed his eyes while cherishing this moment because he really did miss them and this will probably the first and last time they’ll get to hug each other for a long time.

 

“I see you brought food,” Niall said after breaking the hug. “Of course I did, I don’t know if it’s enough because no one told me that you’ll be coming here today.” Louis stared at Lottie and Felicity while he set up the candles and flower and the lads unfolded the chairs. “We didn’t know they’re coming,” Felicity said, defending her and her sister.

“Doris here called me.” A jolt went through him at the sound of Harry's voice. That deep and rough tone he fell in love with, he missed it. He also misses the guy who owns that voice. Louis cleared his throat before setting up the blanket that he saw in the basket.

“Doris, love, why?” The little girl who’s playing with her twin brother stares at him and said, “because ‘arry…. ‘arry don’t come to play with me anymore.” She pouted. Louis was about to talk when Harry carried his baby sister “Call me when you want to play with me, okay?” Doris squealed and went for a hug. “Me too ‘arry! I wanna play with you too!” Ernest made a grabby and Harry picked him up. Both kids were clinging on his shoulder, legs wrapped on his hips. The small lad decided to leave his siblings and Harry alone while he catches up with the others.

After an hour Harry got tired and decided to leave the twins to Phoebe. “I’m gonna talk to the lads.” He was about to walk away when he heard her call him. “Harry, he’s hurting because of you.” She said before putting her headphones on. The lad tried to ignore the pain he felt when he heard that but he’s really guilty with how they ended up. It’s so inconsiderate of him to not have a conversation with Louis about his life after everything that happened. He let their relationship be ruined by the tiny bump they’ve encountered.

 

“Guys, I’m going home.” He said making the boy beside Liam and Zayn stiff. “Why? You said you wanna stay ‘till later?” Liam asked as Zayn went to hold Louis’ hands. “I’m knackered.”

“He’s always tired. It’s probably the reason why he left me for a racist model.”

“Uhm.. so.. the weather?” Niall interfered. “The weather looks great.” Zayn elbowed Liam, hinting him to do something to make this less awkward. “I brought my guitar! Wanna jam with the kids?” He said making the blonde and the gorgeous lad sigh in relief. Liam grabbed his guitar beside him and gave it to Louis. “What do you want me to do with this?”

“Have you written anything yet for your album?” Louis nodded. “Play your favorite song! Harry, sit here with me.” Niall pointed the foldable chair. The lad sat as his heartbeat loud. He knew it, Louis hates him.

“Uhm I haven’t finished this yet but It’s by far the best song.”

Pour mercy, mercy on me,

set fire to history

I'm breakin' my own rules,

I'm cryin' like a fool

Tall stories on the page,

short glories on the fade

I been close enough to touch,

but I never cared for love

It's a church of burnt romances

And I'm too far gone to pray

It's a solo song and it's only for the brave

If the truth tell,

darling, you fell

Like there ain't enough dying stars in your sky

It's a tall tale, and it's only hello, hello,

no goodbye.

 

He ended the song with one last strum before coughing. “That’s it.” He was shocked to see them look fond and amaze. “Oh my God, bloody hell I’m crying.” Niall wiped his tears before planting his face to his palm. “That’s really raw.”

“When did you write that?” Liam asked. Louis gulped, glancing at Harry who’s in deep thought. “November 15th.” He watched his ex-lover realized that he wrote it the same day he signed the divorce paper.

 

“I can already feel that your album would be gold!” Zayn exclaimed making the small lad blushed. “It’s not really that good.”

“It’s great. I’m proud of you.” Harry smiled at him slightly before grabbing the guitar from him. “Let’s sing our songs. Zayn might have missed performing with us.”

 

They spend the day singing, eating, and playing with the kids. The sun is already going down so they all packed up and said goodbye to Jay. “Li, can you bring the girls and Ernest home? I’m just gonna stay here for a while.” Liam stared at him with empathy on his eyes. “Sure, anything for you.” He waits for them to all walk away with the stuff they’ve brought before sitting beside his mom’s grave.

“Hi mommy, this is the first time I’ve visited you since the day you left us. There are a lot of things I need to apologize for and I’ll start with that. I’m sorry for not visiting you. It hurts. Everything hurts mum. I should have stayed with you that night. I should have cherished the last moment I saw you. I know you chose to get off of medication but if I was there, you would probably not make that decision.” Louis paused for a while to calm him down from crying before continuing his apology for his momma.

 

“I’m also sorry for pushing our family away, for pushing Harry away. I really couldn’t live without you momma. Before everyone else you always come first to me. We were always together…when I was born ‘till you decided to stop your medication that night. There’s no one there for me anymore. There’s no one who makes me a cup of tea when I’m sad or cuddles me until I fall asleep. I miss you so damn much. After you left, everything fell apart. He left me. He left me and it’s my entire fault. Do you want to know what the last thing he told me that day was? How much of a fuck up I am. It’s true. I’m a fuck up. I’m all alone now mommy. I would have said I have Freddie, but Briana wouldn’t allow me to see him. I can’t even see my own child. That’s how fuck up I am. I miss Harry. I miss Freddie. I miss you. I can’t wait to be with you. Take me with you.” He wiped all his tears before standing up. He glanced at the sky and mumbled “I love you.” before turning around.

 

“Jay, don’t take him with you, please.” Someone said making him looked at the guy in front of him. “H-How much have you heard?” He asked.

 

“I never left you.”

 

“You did, eleven months ago.” Harry flinched at that. He made his way to Jay’s grave before squatting down; he traced her name on the pavement with his finger.

“Hi Jay, it’s been a year since you left us huh? You should have given us a warning.” Louis watched the guy cackled from his joke but it’s obvious that it’s fake. “I remember entering your room to see no one in the bed. I watched my husband, my- my ex-husband cry in the middle of the hallway asking for an answer. I wanna break down because I lost a mother but I can’t because Louis needs someone to be there for him.” Harry is having a breakdown in front of him and he wanted to comfort him so he kneeled and wrapped his arms around his ex-lover, he leaned his ear on Harry’s back before letting all the tears fall from his eyes. The tall lad flinched because of his actions but he relaxed after a few seconds. Aside from cuddling with Jay, Harry’s heartbeat can also calm him down whether his furious, happy, or sad.

 

“I apologize for leaving him. I should have stayed even if he acts selfishly. I should have answered all of his calls the day he read my email. I shouldn’t have even thought of getting a divorce! I’m so sorry for breaking my promise to you and to him. The day I asked for his hand, you made me promise to always be there for him even if things are getting worse because you know your son couldn’t handle any pain. You let me have him thinking I wouldn’t break it but I did. I failed you. We’re now divorced and it hurts me how Mr. Thompson told me he heard Louis breaking our wedding photo, but I deserved that. I’m really sorry. Please give me another chance to prove myself to you.”

 

“Harry…” Louis croaked. “Yes, love?”

 

“Prove yourself to me. My momma couldn’t give you another chance cuz she’s no longer here.”

 

“I will.” He unwrapped himself from Louis before turning his body. “Louis, love of my life, honey pie, boo bear, give me another chance to love you. I will-“

 

“You’re dating Camille.” Louis pointed out making the lad laugh.

 

“I paid someone to make shit about us. I wanted to make you jealous, but that’s clearly a mistake because you signed the divorce paper immediately.” The small lad cupped his face, leaning their forehead together. “I only signed it because I thought you’re happy with her.” He whispered.

“I’m only happy with you. Only with you, my angel.” Harry traced the freckles on Louis’ cheek before closing the gap between them. His soft pink lips touched the thin lips he always craved for. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too. I always do.”